The Phantom Peril

Author's Note: Enjoy! :D This is pretty cracky and humorous. :P

~ Amina Gila

Jaufre Naberrie

"Good evening, Your Highness. How might I be of service?"

Padme let's out an exasperated breath. "Jaufre."

I struggles to suppress the smirk trying to appear on my face as I look at my older sister. "What?"

"First of all, we're alone in here, and secondly, you're just being dramatic."

I choke on a laugh and move forward abruptly, pulling Padme into a hug. "I was wondering if we would ever have the chance to be alone again."

"I... can't breathe," Padme puffs.

"Now look who's being dramatic."

"Definitely you. We've been around each other all day."

"Such ingratitude." I finally let go of her, stepping back, "So how was the day?"

"Very well, thank you for your consideration, Mr. bodyguard," Padme says far too seriously.

I whack her arm. "I'm serious."

"Me too."

"Padmeeeee."

She suddenly crackles up, dropping onto the side of the bed, suppressing her giggles. "It's been a long day. And it's good to... not have to be the queen all the time and around everyone?"

"Good thing I came along. How would you ever survive otherwise?" I quip, smirking for a moment before growing serious again, "But I can imagine. Or I can't, actually, but whatever."

I never would have expected that, one day, my older sister was going to be queen. Our father had been hesitant about Padme's decision to run for the Queen's position, and I admittedly had been too, until I heard I could have a position in the Royal Security Force. At least this way, I'd be able to do whatever I could to help Padme. And while the Queen's position on Naboo isn't really that dangerous usually – Naboo is the most peaceful planet I know of, although that's probably a biased opinion – in cases there is danger, I want to be able to protect her.

"Keep it down. I don't really want the security hearing everything we say in here to each other," Padme warns.

"Who would have the audacity to snoop on the queen?" I quip, though I lower my voice as she asked. She is the queen now, though, so I'll respect her wishes in regard to things like that, sibling or not. Even if I'll miss being all-out annoying.

"It does happen to be their job, you know."

"Huh." I pretend to look puzzled. "I guess they signed different contracts than me because I don't remember ever reading about that."

Padme sighs.

"What do you think of Captain Panaka's idea about handmaids?" I wonder after a moment, getting back to business. I'd been in the room when they were discussing it, though I never offered any input at the time. That was hardly my place.

"I'm not quite sure yet," she admits, "Having numerous handmaids who all looked like me could be... quite effective, even if I'm not sure it's really necessary."

"A few extra precautions won't hurt," I say, "Especially if there really isn't anything major you'll ever need to worry about."

"Well now that I have time, why don't we call home?" Padme suggests at last.

"Yes. Let's," I agree, brightening. Ever since I started training for my security position, I've been away from home a lot, and sometimes, I admittedly miss the days when I was younger, and around my sisters and parents more. But at least this way, I won't have to worry about hardly ever seeing Padme. We were... close when we were much younger, and I didn't want that to change because we were too busy with our jobs.

Padme withdraws her comm, dialing our parents' number. "Congratulations!" Jobal greets the moment she answers the call.

"Thanks, Mom," Padme says with a smile.

"We're so proud of you," Ruwee declares, stepping into the transmission next to Jobal.

"I'm sorry I couldn't call and tell you myself," Padme replies, "It's been a very busy day."

Our father chuckles. "I can imagine. Sio lives for this sort of thing." He knows the governor well, because of how much our family has always been into politics.

"So, you got the position with Padme's security force, Jaufre?" Jobal asks.

"Yeah, I did," I tell them cheerfully, "I should be able to be around her at all times, or most of the time."

"We're happy to hear that," my mother replies.

"Anyway," Ruwee cuts in, "We both understand that your time – both of yours – is going to be spoken for a lot. We've known that since you entered the campaign. Politics moves your priorities around, and we trust you enough to make those decisions."

It's weird sometimes, to think of how only years ago Padme and I were playing in the yard of our house without a care in the world, and now we're... well on the way to being adults. Our parents are perfectly fine with us being on our own. Sometimes, I miss those days, even if I'm perfectly aware thirteen isn't that old. And contrary to what some people like to claim, having a job doesn't mean you can't goof around. What a boring life.

"What your father is trying to say," Jobal cuts in, "Is that we know you're busy and excited, and we're going to hear about you on the holonews and we love you anyway."

I snort. "So I know. But only Padme's gonna get the honors of being on the news."

"That is not at all what I was trying to say," Ruwee defends, sounding vaguely scandalized.

Padme cracks up next to me.

"We know you're with Padme, and you'll be doing your job," Jobal replies, "I imagine you'll have more time to call than she will."

"Probably," I agree. Even if that doesn't really seem fair.

"I'll remember who I am, Dad," Padme assures, "No matter who I'm talking to or what I have to look like."

"That's all I wanted to hear," Ruwee replies.

"No matter what you look like?" I echo. Yes, I'm ruining the emotional moment but... Oh well? "What horrific concoctions are you planning to sprout on me?"

"A concoction is something you eat," Jobal says, pointedly, "Not wear."

"Still."

"You better know what's part of being queen," Padme replies, elbowing me.

"Hours of makeup to ghost-ify yourself? Yes."

"Ghost-ify is not a word."

"Is it now!"

Ruwee chuckles. "I imagine neither of you will have a dull moment."

"I wanted to hear about your rooms, but I guess you don't have those yet," Jobal comments. Of course, that's the first thing our mother is curious about.

"Not for a couple more days," Padme replies, "I'm in the palace now, but not the royal part yet. Queen Sanandrassa is probably packing up, but the official transfer of power isn't until the end of the week."

There's a chime from the other end of the line then, just as she finishes speaking. Jobal and Ruwee glance somewhere over their shoulders, out of range of the holo.

"Sorry, your father is hosting his usual postelection get-together," Jobal explains, as Ruwee steps out of view.

"Of course," I chirp, "I miss being there but I don't miss being there –"

"That doesn't make sense," Padme interrupts.

"– Because all those political discussions got boring when I wanted to go to bed."

Jobal smiles fondly. "Oh, I imagine. But I think you'll be hearing a lot more political discussions now."

"At least now I'll find them, interesting, right?" I smirk, "Not when I was fiiiiiive."

"There's still a lot for us to do," Padme says, "Don't worry."

After a few moments, Ruwee steps into view again. They're in a hurry, though, so we wish our parents goodnight, and the hologram flickers off.

For a long pause, we sit there in silence, side by side. It's ridiculous that I almost feel lonely for a fleeting moment. I'm so used to all the people being there those nights, and now, I'm here only with my sister. But at least I'm here with my sister.

"Are you excited for your official ghostification in a few days?" I ask finally, looking at her.

"Actually, yes," Padme admits, "I've spent years trying to get here. I can't believe I finally am."

I entirely second that.

**w**

I find it incredibly disturbing when Captain Panaka introduces me and Padme – well, technically just Padme because I'm the invisible guard who people don't pay attention to unless they really want me to stop talking – to Padme's first handmaid, who looks very much like her. Well, to me, I can distinctly see the differences, but the similarities are still uncanny enough.

The girl – Tsabin – follows us to Padme's quarters, though she eyes me in slight surprise when I enter, too.

"It's creepy you look just like my sister," I offer cheerfully, dropping onto the chair next to Padme.

What?

We're supposed to be making this not formal.

Padme doesn't seem irked; if anything, she seems relieved when Tsabin relaxes a little at the informality.

"He's your brother?" Tsabin asks, a little surprised.

"He is," she confirms, "And my most trusted guard."

We get down to business after that, Padme discussing her expectations from Tsabin about being a handmaid, and how Padme wants to do more than that, without the knowledge of any other guards. It's a good plan, I think.

"I'm still working on figuring it out," Padme muses finally, once the main bit of our discussions are over with, "The differences between Padme and Amidala, I mean. I think with you I'll have to be both."

"I promise to wait until after your reign is over before I write a tell-all for the holos about all the things you messed up in the early days," Tsabin promises snippily.

Padme laughs.

I snort. I like her already. "We better start taking notes together."

"Agreed," she replies, dryly.

"Oh no, I don't need both of you teaming up on me," Padme protests, and I snicker.

"Don't worry, we'll play nice. Oh, by the way, I did figure out one difference between Amidala and Padme!"

"What?" she asks, wisely a touch warily.

"For one, you look like a decorated ghost with a funny voice, and the other is my sister who's crazier than me."

Tsabin giggles.

"Yes, Jaufre, opinion noted," Padme retorts, clearly amused.

"I wonder how many more lookalikes Panaka's gonna collect. Maybe he could go pick up that actor from Earth Wars. Whatever her name was again. Who remembers actor names anyway?"

"Earth Wars?" echoes Tsabin.

"What?!" I yelp, scandalized, "How could you not know what that is?!"

"I've heard of it a little. Never watched it," she defends.

"And what does that have to do with me?" Padme agrees.

"How have you not seen that Jane's actor looks just like you?"

"She's much older than me."

"Still."

"Still nothing."

"Maybe you can show it to me. We're supposed to be getting to know each other better, right?" Tsabin points out.

"Sure!" I agree, "In fact, I think we have time right now. But I should probably start with Thor instead of Avengers..." Because that's the one that just came out, and I'm hopelessly obsessed with it, to the point it drives everyone crazy but too bad.

Padme gives in surprisingly easily – she just never wants to admit she loves it as much as I do – and the three of us head to the small living room. It's getting late, but we'll at least have time to start.

"On second thought," I interject a moment later, "I hope Panaka doesn't hire Jane. First of all, I hate that name. Secondly, then we wouldn't get any more holomovies in these series probably until after Padme's term is up, and that would be awful."

Tsabin laughs, again. "What's wrong with the name Jane?"

"Are you serious?" I ask, making a face, "I mean, come on. Jane Jane Jane let's name our new little baby Jaaaaane."

Both of them dissolve into giggles which I soon join, at least until we actually start getting into the interesting part of the holo, and they fall silent again to watch.

We weren't going to finish, but now that we got started, Tsabin is too curious to want to stop, so we keep going until it's over.

"I wish he hadn't died," she says finally, a touch more solemnly as the end credits scroll onto the holo.

"Do you want a spoiler?" I ask, leaning closer conspiratorially.

"Sure," she agrees, a little warily.

"He's not dead. But I think something worse than that happened to him."

"Something worse?"

"Why don't I just show you –"

"Not tonight," Padme interrupts, as though I was even going to suggest that, "We need to be getting to bed."

"Yeah, we do," Tsabin concedes a little reluctantly. The two head for the door, as I go to shut of the holoprojector.

"Wait," I object, before Tsabin can leave the room.

"What?" she asks, turning back.

"Who's your favorite?"

"Definitely Loki," she says, momentarily smiling, "I think I... can personally understand how he feels, a lot."

Hmm. "What do you mean?" I ask, curiously. We're supposed to be friends so having personal conversations early wouldn't hurt, right?

"The part about always being second," she explains, "My entire family was... into music. Both my older brothers are very good at it, but I've never been as good as them."

"That... must be annoying," I offer, "But hey, now you have a much cooler job, that you'll have the chance to be first at."

"True," Tsabin agrees, smiling for a moment, before she slips out to follow Padme.

Well, now I also have a new Earth Wars and Loki fan. Maybe this'll be a lot more fun than I thought.

**w**

If I thought it was disturbing to meet one Padme look alike, it's a lot worse to meet four more. Three are dark haired, though the last one has blonde – Eirtama.

"I imagine Captain Panaka explained the dangerous aspects of this position well enough, but I am hoping for something else in addition to bodyguards," Padme begins.

"It's not an addition," Sashah – one of the dark-haired ones objects – "It's an expansion."

"The primary purpose I think they ought to have," I volunteer, "At least if we're preparing for doomsday scenarios that won't happen," At least, I doubt all these measures will be necessary, but every time I start thinking that, I can't shake the inkling that might not be entirely true.

"Yes, but it's also a collaboration. Panaka selected each of you because you have talents that I do not. I want to take that beginning and make us into something even stronger."

"Not just six parts," Suyan speaks up. "You want us to gain each other's skills."

I still wonder why he picked the last one – Sashah. She's the twelve-year-old, and she seems shy, which makes me curious to know why Panaka picked her. She's clearly intuitive, though. And also, it's nice to have someone else who's not a year older than me.

"He hired me to teach you how to cheat," Rabene interjects, almost too smoothly.

There's something about her that I like and don't at once. "He wants us to learn how to cheat?" I say, dryly. "Oh, I don't think he has a clue what we already have in mind."

"Apparently, he doesn't think you're deceitful enough on your own, but I'm starting to agree with you," she replies.

"Where'd he find you, that he thinks you're trained in deceit?" I can't help asking, even if the question is entirely tactless.

Padme shoots me a look.

"What? I was just asking," I protest.

Rabene doesn't seem bothered, though. "I forged classic art pieces and convinced off-worlders to buy them as originals," she replies, snickering.

I shouldn't find that funny, but I can't help it. "For dealing with politics, I think that's a good skill to have."

"I have to agree," Tsabin interjects.

Though then, they move on to a bunch of girl topics about clothes and design that I find incredibly boring and start studying the patterns in the carpet soon because it's slightly more interesting.

I stay out of their conversation entirely, until Rabene actually shows her clever deceitfulness. "I think there's some preliminary precautions we can take," she says, "I think we ought to have new names. We're all keeping secrets from our families and everyone else on the planet, and I am slightly notorious, after all."

"Do you have any suggestions?" Padme asks.

"You had to give up Padme," Tsabin points out, "What if we all chose names that sounded similar to that?"

"Ooh, perfect idea!" I applaud before anyone can agree, high fiving at Tsabin though we both time it wrong and miss each other's hands entirely. "I suppose I should probably go with Jaufe. You know, Jawfee?"

Padme practically groans. "First of all, that sounds terrible. Secondly, you're not one of the ones who needs to change your name."

"Would it hurt?" Sashah asks, impishly.

"How could it?" I agree, "And you know, it's great to have someone around who isn't older than me."

She gives me a small, shy smile but a little more open than before.

"I think it's a good thing the rest of us are older than you," Tsabin interjects with a snicker, and I roll my eyes at her.

"I rather like my name, though, so I think I'll keep it."

"I... do too," Eirtama speaks up, "I was going to make it famous someday, you know? Building things or at least fixing them up. I don't want to give it up."

"It has to be all of us or none, or it won't work," Rabene objects, "And you can make your name famous after, if you really wanted to. For this to work, if people hear so many ehs in a row, no one will be able to remember how many of us there are or who is who, unless they're trying hard."

Eirtama still looks hesitant.

"It's strange to hear someone call you by a new name," Padme replies, understandingly, "It took me a while to get used to. I didn't have a choice, so I won't make yours for you."

"The point is to be invisible," Sashah points out, "If you want to be famous, this isn't the job for you."

Eirtama straightens a little at the criticism, and I'm pretty sure she's going to go along with it.

So, it's settled then, though I let them work out the details of each of their names, until they've finally chosen.

Sabe, Eirtae, Rabe, Yane, and Sache.

I know Sabe best, but I think getting to know all of them will be fun, even if it'll take a while longer since there's more than just one now.

**w**

Padme's been the Queen for a couple months now, and we've all settled into our roles of working with her well enough. Even if there's times that I miss being carefree. Honestly, though, people who act like having a responsible job means you can't do anything fun have no idea what they're talking about.

And despite the fact that there's important negotiations between Naboo and a few other neighboring systems going on right now, I'm elated that Sabe entirely agrees with my assessment.

"I have an opportunity for us," she says, skidding into the room with the rest of us way late, and a little breathless.

"An opportunity to run more races through the hall?" I ask, smirking.

"You want to be nice," she warns, teasingly.

"What?" Yane prods.

And so, Sabe explains. Apparently, one of the younger delegates is inviting us out to a concert.

I stop myself from saying "that sounds boring" at seeing how excited the others look. Because okay, a concert could be interesting but why go listen to people sing when I can hear that at home and do something more exciting at the same time? Like maybe show the others more of Earth Wars, something we've hardly had the time for.

"Out of the question," Padme objects, and everyone deflates, "There's no way we'd even make it out the door, much less out of the palace."

"Don't be so quick to say that," Rabe replies, "We haven't even started scheming yet. I am sure we can come up with something."

Now this actually is interesting if it means we'll have to find a way to sneak out right under Panaka's nose.

"What if there's an emergency?" Padme argues.

"Hey, this is a good training opportunity!" I insist, "If we can learn to do this without anyone catching us, that means we're really excelling at this classified business."

"Good point," Eirtae concurs, hopefully.

"A perfect opportunity," Rabe agrees, smiling back at me, despite all her usual sharpness, "We've all been waiting to practice that, right?"

"Yeah, we need to see how well we can pull it off. We have to be ready for when it's something serious," I concurs.

"If something goes wrong, we'll deal with it," Sabe agrees. "Unless you don't want to go."

"I am definitely coming with you if you go," Padme concedes, finally.

I shoot another triumphant grin at Rabe. "I've been waiting for something like this!"

"Being able to test this out is fun. And we ought to," she agrees. Yes, we've fast become partners in crime. Just not quite the painting kind of crime. So what?

"I'll stay here in case something happens," Sache offers, "I've never been a fan of loud noises and crowds."

"We'll bring you back a souvenir," Sabe promises, "Now, suggestions?"

Padme still doesn't seem terribly happy as they discuss plans for leaving, but finally, they settle on something. Sabe, Yane, and Eirtae decided to just leave with permission, while Rabe and Padme will head to the library, supposedly to do research. And from there, they'll climb out the window to leave.

I get the option of going with either group, but which I'm going to choose is already obvious. "I'm going with you. I've always wanted to jump out the window."

Padme sighs.

"What's wrong with you? One night to have fun. It's a nice break."

"I know, but this is reckless."

"Why do you think we're doing it?" Rabe asks.

"Exactly," I agree.

"You can still back out," Sabe offers, maybe to give her a route out, not that she'd take it.

"How will we get back in?" Padme asks instead.

"I'll climb the wall and pull you up," Rabe assures.

"It's five stories!" objects Yane.

"What if someone fell?" agrees Eirtae.

"Then be glad you aren't going out the window?"

"I am."

"Me too," Sache states.

"C'mon. It'll be fun! Not that I'm saying you have to participate in that part."

"Anyone have a better idea?" Rabe asks.

"I do," Yane replies, perking up. I watch as she crosses the room, withdrawing grappling cables. "Captain Panaka was annoyed that you wouldn't let him station guards in here, so he took steps. See? Much easier than climbing."

"Perfect," I crow, gleefully.

"He's going to kill us," Padme replies, visibly amused now, "But I'm not going to let that stop me."

"That's the spirit," I cheer.

We get ready quickly, and I'm already in the library by the time Padme and Rabe show up. Because really, I think me going with them would just make them look more suspicious.

"Ready to go?" I ask impatiently, when they finally show up.

"Hush," Padme scolds, as Rabe opens the window and fires a cable.

This is stupid. So stupid, and I'm going to love every moment of it. I don't even care much for the concert. It's the mere act of sneaking out of the palace that's exciting.

Rabe and Padme clamor out first, and I slide down after, landing a little clumsily on the edge of the garden wall.

"How much practice have you had with this?" I demand, because she's definitely way better than me. I have to learn to do it just as well.

"Can't forge art if I can't see it, right?" she asks cheerfully.

"We have to do this more often."

"Seconded," she replies, a little too gleefully.

"I don't know about that," Padme replies with an amused huff, "But this is fun. And we should hurry."

"Right," Rabe agrees, before giving us directions on how to land properly for jumping from this height.

Predictably, Rabe still lands the best as we hit the ground, though I'm mildly proud that I manage to catch my breath before Padme.

"Please teach me how to do that your way," my sister pants, as she stands a little unsteadily.

"I'll put that on list," Rabe replies, grinning. "You both did pretty well, though."

"Thanks," Padme offers.

"I think we'll have to find better practicing grounds," I say dryly, as we take off for a speeder to get us to the concert in the first place. "The guards will notice pretty quickly if we regularly drop out of the window over and over and over again."

Rabe snorts. "Yeah, but I'm sure you can find a way of being persuasive. You're the bodyguard, after all. Maybe you're just training us."

"Hmm, good point," I muse. Though, I'm pretty sure Panaka would have a heart attack if I proposed such a thing.

But I think he'll be having one tonight anyway if we're not careful enough.

**w**

As it turns out, I should not have been joking about him having a heart attack anyway. Because right in the middle of the concert, we get a message from Sache. "Come home. We're blown," she says, in a low voice.

Padme deflates like a balloon, and I huff. "How did I know this would happen?"

"You're the one who was insisting we go," she replies, raising an eyebrow.

"I didn't say I regretted going!"

She shakes her head, standing. "We need to get moving."

Collecting the others is a little more difficult, when they're all clearly disappointed at being dragged away before we could finish. But at least we had the time of our lives here while it lasted.

Though climbing back in the window isn't quite as much fun as dropping out of it, but now, I really will have to think hard to convince him to let us practice this in the future.

"Don't let him run over you," Rabe warns under her breath, as we approach the room Panaka is waiting.

"I won't let him run over us," Padme assures.

"You are still the Queen," I assure, a little more flippantly than I maybe feel. Though honestly, if I should feel bad, I don't. "And I was with you!"

"I think that will comfort him very much," Sabe says, dryly.

I roll my eyes at her, but we leave it at that we step inside.

And as it turns out, no, Panaka is not one bit happy with the situation. He's not wrong about it being an inappropriate risk but saying I'm being an irresponsible bodyguard – hey – is not fair either. There literally wasn't any danger to worry about out there.

"Next time you want to go on an adventure," Panaka says finally, "Tell me first. I'll do everything I can to make it happen."

"Wait, really?" I ask, waving a hand dramatically to get attention, "Then can I request grappling hooks for each of us? What if we do need to escape the palace in the future? Shouldn't we be experienced in how to do it?"

"Grappling hooks," he repeats, "So that's how you got out the window."

Rabe shoots me a look.

Oops?

I didn't quite mean to spill the beans, but they asked me to ask!

"He does have a point," she speaks up in my defense.

"I find that unnecessary for the Queen to practice, but we can discuss it later," Panaka replies. Probably a good idea. He looks tired enough for me to feel bad. Almost.

Padme excuses him – I'm sure he's more than happy to leave – finally leaving us alone.

"Did you notice that most of you are covered in glitter?" Sache asks.

Which.

Actually includes me, too, and I have no idea how I didn't notice.

Except, then Padme cracks up and so do the rest of us, and no one stops laughing until we're either crying or can't even breathe.

"I have an idea," I wheeze, when I finally catch my breath.

"What?" Eirtae queries.

"Instead of going to a concert next time, we have one right here since Sabe's good at music."

"I haven't practiced in a long time," she objects.

"That's fine," I assure, cheerfully, "Because I think it's high time that we get practice learning how to play the Avengers Theme and appoint it as the official new Queen's Theme of Naboo."

Why is everyone looking at me like that?

"... There's no such thing as a queen's theme," Padme replies, flatly.

"Then we'd be the first one! Come on, it's a great addition to Amidala's portrait."

"Music isn't part of a portrait," Yane interjects, practically snorting.

"Portrayal-portrait-pora-whatever. You get the point. And I think it fits us perfectly."

"I almost agree," Sabe snickers.

"Only one problem," Rabe interjects cheerfully, "It has a copyright."

"Can't we forge that, too? I thought you were good at that."

Padme practically groans. "We already made one mess for the night. Let's not add getting the Nubian monarch in trouble for intellectual property theft."

"Hmm... Why don't we find a way to make it legal?"

"Oh, good idea," Sache smirks.

Padme sighs again, but I can tell she's clearly amused.

It's definitely going to be a long night yet.

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