TW for mentions of rape and suicidal thoughts.

oOo

Charlie began watching the news again after her discovery, and sure enough, most major outlets were covering the story of the captured terrorist. Karl Vreski. While her story had been pushed to the side for the most part, she was still shocked to learn that they had somehow learned her name and every once in a while would show her photo- an old one from before she even joined Nakatomi- on the screen. One of the anchors mentioned that her name was revealed from her former coworkers again, trying to stay relevant no doubt. She was furious to say the least.

One day when Prentiss came in the room with a bag of takeout she found Charlie watching the news with angry tears streaming down her cheeks. "You knew." was all Charlie could say, an accusing tone and a look of betrayal.

Prentiss looked at the screen to see a short clip of Karl, wearing an orange jumpsuit and handcuffs, being led into the back of a van. He stood a full head over the people escorting him. She sighed heavily. "That he was alive? Yes."

"How long have they had my name?" Charlie asked.

Prentiss set the bags of takeout on the small table before sitting onto the other bed across from Charlie. Although she wasn't living in the hotel with her, she had a tendency to stay over most nights just to keep her company. "About a week after we brought you back to the states, some of your colleagues reached out to their local news stations trying to score more interviews. They told them about you."

It took a few days for Charlie to recover from that fear and betrayal. The FBI had known that Karl was alive and didn't tell her. They had known that her identity had been released to the public and didn't tell her. Why?

"You were busy recovering and dealing with a lot of stress. We agreed that there was no point in adding any more to your plate." Prentiss explained one day when Charlie finally worked up the nerve to ask. "Besides, this doesn't change anything. You'll be getting a new identity soon anyway, and moving far away."

Something about that had made Charlie feel suddenly sick. New identity? Moving far away? Sure, she had expected as much having agreed to this plan but having it said so bluntly now made it feel real. Charlotte Durant was going to disappear soon. Cease to exist. Maybe even forever. What kind of name would they give her? Where was she going? She had lived in Los Angeles her entire life! She asked Prentiss.

"I don't know. I'm sorry." the agent said carefully. "The only one who will know will be your assigned handler. It's a safety precaution."

Charlie let out a dejected sigh. Worse than having her entire life upended and erased was going into the new life completely blind. "What about Holly? Will I still be able to see her?"

"...Perhaps." Prentiss replied after a moment of thought. "She already knows a bit about the situation, and she's trustworthy. I'll ask about it."

Charlie spent the first week of February watching the news nearly all day everyday. She was suddenly obsessed with it. She wanted to know everything that she had missed, everything the FBI had seen fit to keep from her. Granted if she had been watching the news like everyone else it wouldn't have taken her so long to learn about it. Since he was the only surviving criminal of the entire operation that they had in custody, they were trying to stick Karl with every charge they could. Murder, attempted murder, theft, terrorism, arson, kidnapping, possession of many illegal weapons, destruction of property, nearly everything they could think of. They had sufficient evidence and testimony from all of the hostages but one thing that many news anchors were noting was how they still hadn't heard her testimony. Not that it mattered much now. They were simply making a spectacle of Karl. The whole world was watching and he was to be made an example. And yet, from the way he looked when they showed footage of him, he didn't seem to care at all. He looked as stoic as he had most of that night, save for the few times she had witnessed him lose his temper. Perhaps with the loss of his brother and the failure of his heist (for him anyway) he had given up.

At the beginning of the second week since the party, Prentiss brought her yet another bag of toiletries since her first was running low, and as Charlie was putting the soaps and amenities away in the bathroom she realized something that made her blood run cold. She had pulled out a small box from the bag, innocent and innocuous. Just a cheap little box of store brand tampons. Under the sink in the bathroom where she had been about to place it, was the exact same box from last month's bag of toiletries. Untouched. Unneeded.

She sat on the floor and stared at it for a minute, silently trying to remember when she had last bled, trying to count the weeks, trying to find a flaw in the conclusion her brain was rapidly reaching.

Before Christmas. She realized. My last period was about a week before Christmas.

But stress could make it come late, right? She had heard that before. And she was under a lot of stress. But even as she considered that possibility she knew the truth. This was far too late to blame on stress. I'm… She couldn't even finish the thought. She fell back, leaning against the toilet and staring at the wall. I'm…

Sometime later she jolted violently when someone knocked on the other side of the door. "Charlie?" Prentiss called from the other side. She had left to get them lunch and was now back. "You okay in there?"

"I…" But she couldn't say it. Not in her head and certainly not out loud.

After a moment of silence when Charlie didn't respond Prentiss tried to open the door. Without thinking, reacting totally by instinct Charlie lunged at the door, slamming it shut again and flipping the lock in place.

"Charlie, open the door." Prentiss said. Her voice suddenly taking on an authoritative tone that she hadn't used before. Charlie said nothing, just backing herself away to sit on the toilet now.

"Charlie, I'm going to break down this door in three seconds if you don't-"

"No!"

"Then open up!"

"N-No!"

There was a slight pause when the agent heard a note of fear in her voice. "I can't help you if you don't let me."

"I don't want your help, I want you to go away!" Charlie snapped. She needed to be alone right now.

"You know I can't do that." She said gently. "Just tell me what's happened."

Charlie glanced at the boxes of tampons and felt hot tears pool in her eyes, but she still couldn't say it. She didn't know how.

"Charlie?"

"No!" She snapped again, her voice coming out as a sort of wail as the tears slid down her cheeks.

"Charlie? Please?" Prentiss implored. "I need to know that you aren't going to hurt yourself."

What? Charlie thought. But then she considered it for just a moment. Would this be reason enough for her to want to end it all? Could she even if she wanted? Did she want to find out?

She glanced around the bathroom but didn't see anything that could be used to cause harm. Just as well. She thought bitterly. "No." She said softly. Then repeated herself a bit louder so Prentiss could hear her. "No, I'm not going to hurt myself."

"I'm not going anywhere, Charlie. I'm right here. I'm just going to make a quick phone call."

Great. Charlie thought and a fresh wave of tears sprang from her tear ducts. But she let the agent make her call. It gave her a moment of privacy that she could use to gather her thoughts. Except she couldn't. Her brain felt like it was just buzzing softly, working in a fog. By the time Prentiss knocked on the door again Charlie had simply pulled her knees up to her chest, put her head down and cried.

"You still there?"

"Yeah." She replied thickly.

"I'm right here, Charlie."

Charlie didn't respond. She didn't know how long she sat there crying but eventually there was another knock on the door.

"Charlie? Can you please open the door?" Prentiss asked gently. This time Charlie finally did. She stood on shaking legs, unlocked the door with shaking hands and peered out with watery eyes.

Prentiss was right there at the door to meet her, just as she'd promised. Behind her, seemingly making a point to give her as much space as possible, Agent Hotchner was standing in what served as a sort of foyer to the suite.

Oh great. Charlie thought with a barely suppressed groan as she wiped her eyes, feeling very tired now that she had spent so long crying.

"I only called Agent Hotchner as a precaution." Prentiss started to explain but Charlie shrugged it off.

"S'fine."

"Why don't you come sit on the bed?" Prentiss said and took a step back to allow Charlie to enter the room. Charlie hesitated, glancing between the two agents for a second. She really did not want to have this conversation. Not now and not with them. But there wasn't any way to avoid it. Besides, they were experts on behavior. They likely already knew what was happening. With a dejected sigh, Charlie walked over and sat on the bed. She could feel their eyes on her but she didn't know what to say. Where was she supposed to begin?

"Was it something on the news?" Hotchner asked.

Charlie opened her mouth to try and say something, but closed it and simply shook her head.

"Is it one of your injuries?" Prentiss tried.

Again, Charlie just shook her head. "I-I need…" She felt her cheeks turn red and tears prickling in her eyes again.

Prentiss approached her slowly. "What do you need?" She asked softly.

"I- can you… ugh." Charlie grabbed her head in frustration, digging her fingers into her scalp. Just say it!

"Whoa, whoa! Hold up." Prentiss took a seat next to her on the bed and pulled Charlie's hands away from her scalp. "What do you need? Just tell me. I can get anything."

Charlie took a few deep breaths, trying to stay calm, trying to force her tears to stay. It wasn't working, but eventually she still managed to whisper. "I need… I-I need a-a… a p-preg-pregnancy test."

If she was shocked by this Prentiss managed not to show it on her face, though she did give a long pause. She glanced at Hotchner for a second- he also kept his outward reaction to a minimum- "Uh…" then back to Charlie, "I- yes. I can do that." She visibly swallowed. "I'm going to go get that right now… and Hotch?" She glanced at the senior agent again who nodded his head at her unspoken question, "...will stay with you, okay?" Prentiss said as she stood. Charlie didn't respond. Prentiss gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze and said "I'll be right back." before she all but ran out of the room.

Hotchner stood awkwardly on his side of the room for a minute before saying "I don't… Charlie, I just want you to know that… whatever happens, you're going to be okay."

"How can I be okay? I'm pregnant by a murdering rapist." She pulled her knees back up to her chest, hugging herself tightly as she started crying again.

"You don't know that yet."

"I'm very late and he… I haven't …" She looked at him with an expression that nearly broke his heart.

"He was your first." Hotchner supplied quietly, and she nodded in response.

"I'm such an idiot." She mumbled through a heavy sigh.

"You're not an idiot just because someone took advantage of you. People like him know how to manipulate-"

"No, I'm an idiot because…" She stopped herself. If she admitted this out loud he would definitely tell the rest of the agents. Everyone would know. She realized then that this was actually her most guarded secret in all of this. So guarded that until now she couldn't even admit it to herself.

"Because you fell for him?" Hotchner supplied again, and again hit the mark on the bullseye. He was very good at his job.

Her eyes immediately went to his, a look of guilt on her face. While she was caught off guard and trying to decide if she could deny it, he said "We… came to that conclusion a while ago."

"How?" Her voice trembled slightly. Am I so obvious?

He looked slightly uncomfortable but answered. "When we were asking you about the days after Christmas. You said he was trying to convince you to go with him. He wanted you to come willingly."

"Yeah. He offered me a job." She remembered mentioning that part but at that point in the interview she had been so tired she didn't remember much of what the agents were saying or doing. It had been right after she admitted to opening the vault.

"When you were retelling that part, where he kept trying to convince you, your tones and behavior were… different."

She couldn't help her curiosity. "Different how?"

"Well, before when you talked about him you were tense. Likely because even in remembering the events you were afraid. But when revisiting those few days after Christmas you were more relaxed and open with us."

"And that means I'm in love with him?" She asked skeptically.

Hotchner gave a small huff of air that could have been a laugh and said "No. No, that just means you believed you weren't in immediate danger. I'm betting his behavior was more toned down then? Not waving a gun at you every ten minutes?"

"Well, yeah. He didn't have to threaten me because I couldn't even do anything."

"And when he offered to bring you along to be his new…" He struggled for a second to find the word "cyber criminal, you refused outright?"

She nodded, wiping her eyes again. "Y-Yeah." She said shakily. "I just wanted to go home."

"And now?"

Now? "Now what?"

"If he was here now and asking you to go with him, would you still say no?"

"Yes." She said immediately.

"You're sure?" He cocked his head slightly to one side, eyeing her curiously. "Think carefully. There's no wrong answer. You were his hostage for a week, it would be understandable to-"

"I don't want to be with him!" She snapped.

"And yet…" He said slowly, carefully. His tone was more gentle than she had ever heard him be before. She didn't interrupt and he took his cue to finish his statement. "You regret staying behind now. I can't blame you for that. These last few weeks have been especially chaotic for you, incredibly stressful, and now..."

Without thinking, Charlie rested a palm over her abdomen. And now…

"Before you start getting ahead of yourself, I just want you to know your options here."

"Options." She said absentmindedly, staring at the wall across the room.

"If you are pregnant, you can abort." He paused to gauge her reaction and his patience was rewarded when her eyes snapped back to his. Fear, confusion and shock barely concealed. "Or," he added quickly, "Or you can carry it to term. Keep it and be a mother or put it up for adoption. You can tell your child who his father was, or not. You can have a closed or open adoption. But no matter what you decide, you will have support. From myself, from Emily. The whole BAU would be happy to help. Even Mrs. McClane if you want. We won't leave you to handle this alone."

Charlie couldn't help but start crying again. This should have made things easier but somehow she felt like it was way more complicated now.

oOo

4 Months Later

"Order up! Table three!" A loud voice boomed from the kitchen followed by a sharp DING of a bell. After about ten seconds the voice called again. "Anne! Table three! That's you!"

Charlie had been sitting at the counter rubbing her aching back but when Jeremy, the cook, had called her by her new name, she snapped back to attention. "Right! Sorry!" She slid off of the stool and walked around the counter to the partition that separated the front area from the kitchens, grabbed a tray and began loading the full plates onto it. It had taken her a few weeks to get the hang of carrying a large load of meals, but now she hoisted the tray onto her shoulder with ease. She had seen plenty of other waitresses carrying armfulls of plates without a tray but Charlie wasn't there yet. And she didn't trust herself to keep her balance now anyway. In those first two weeks she broke three plates and two bowls and Margaret- her boss, and a fiery old redhead- had taken it out of her paycheck. Charlie blamed it on her state of mind at the time and forced herself to buckle down and focus. This was her new life now. She was Anne Phillips.

She brought the tray around to table three where a group of local regulars sat. They were around her age and usually came in later in the night after an evening of partying. "BLT with fries?"

"Right here."

"Chicken fried steak?"

A hand shot up and she placed their plate.

"T-Bone with vegetables?"

"Here."

Charlie finished calling out their plates and serving them, confirmed that they had all they needed, and made her way back to the front counter. She was hoping to sit down again so she could keep rubbing her lower back but the bell above the door chimed, announcing new customers. Charlie sighed, turned to see who it was and groaned slightly.

More regulars, but not ones she cared much for. This group was made up of five elderly ladies who had a habit of getting lunch here after church on Sundays. Charlie didn't care much for the Sunday crowd in general because they didn't tip well in her experience, but she had noticed in the last month that suddenly her Sunday tips were better, if not the best of the week.

"Hi, Anne!" Karen, one of the ladies called as they took their usual table. Being in a small town like this gave them certain conveniences like that.

"Hey, Karen! I'll be with y'all shortly." Charlie called back with her best work face on.

Over the months she had come to be on a first name basis with most of the patrons. This group wasn't bad but there was one lady, Amanda, that Charlie hated. Toward the end of April when Charlie had begun to show visibly, Amanda had noticed and immediately grabbed her by the hand and asked how far along she was. Startled at first, Charlie recovered and told her that she was about five months pregnant. Amanda's face took on a disappointed look as she held Charlie's hand, turning it over in hers.

"And no ring?" Amanda had asked disapprovingly. The other ladies at the table had gone silent at that. "Your mother never taught you about putting a quarter between your knees?" one of the other ladies, Karen, had gasped in shock and two others looked equally surprised by Amanda's comment. It had taken Charlie a moment to catch her meaning. She had snatched her hand away from the older woman and walked away without saying a word. In fact she had walked right out of the diner without telling anyone anything. She had begun crying before she even made it home. Margaret probably would have fired her for abandoning her shift and not clocking out but Charlie later told her that she was having complications from her pregnancy, which had technically been true.

She'd had to wait on this group plenty of times since then and Amanda always seemed to have a smug look reserved just for Charlie, but some time in the last month her behavior had changed. She looked almost sheepish now.

"Would I be correct in assuming y'all are here for your usuals?" Charlie asked in her cheery work voice. She had made a point to try and master the 'y'all' of local slang in hopes of blending in with her new environment. If she was saying it wrong, nobody had commented yet.

"Yes for me but I think I also want to get a slice of that pecan pie today." Linda replied, eyeing the glass container on the counter.

The rest of them agreed that they wanted their usuals. Amanda nodding with a grunt and refusing to meet her eyes.

Weird. Charlie thought for the umpteenth time, but she still didn't know what to make of this behavior.

"Alright, I'll be right back with that." Smile and exit. Charlie went to the partition and recited the memorized orders, then began grabbing glasses for their drinks.

The rest of lunch was uneventful and Charlie was thankful that only two other groups came in to eat. A new restaurant had opened down the street before Charlie had moved there and Margaret was always complaining about how they were stealing her customers. It was true that the diner wasn't as busy as Charlie had expected when she applied but she had seen a steady increase in business over the months before it leveled out. She had never been there so she didn't know how they compared, but 'Mags Diner' was closer to the main road so they had the better location for tourists.

"Anne?" Karen said, pulling Charlie from her reverie. She had just paid her tab and was waiting for the rest of the group to take care of theirs.

"Karen! Hey!" Charlie repeated her greeting from earlier.

Karen smiled warmly and Charlie realized it was genuine, not the usual forced politeness of business. "I wanted to let you know that… well, we heard about your loss and I'm terribly sorry."

Now Charlie was confused but she tried not to show it too much when she asked "My loss?"

"Mags told us about your husband, and why you moved here. I'm a widow myself so I know how hard it is to lose someone so close to you."

"...Right." Charlie said softly, understanding setting in. "Thank you."

Karen reached out and gave Charlie a small squeeze on her arm, then reached into her purse and pulled out a piece of paper. It was torn from a small notepad. "This is just some information about places around town. Daycares and such. And I'm sure the church will be happy to help out in any way we can."

Charlie couldn't help the blush or the tears that formed in her eyes, but for the first time in a long time it wasn't from embarrassment or anger or even grief. "Th-Thank you." She said softly. "Karen, thank you so much!"

Karen pulled her into an embrace and Charlie hugged her back. From her position she caught the sight of a few of Karen's group watching them. Amanda looking anywhere but at her.

Mystery solved. Charlie thought. Serves her right.

The next time she saw Margaret she asked her outright.

"So my husband died?" Charlie asked very nonchalantly. "This is surprising news. I didn't even know I was married."

Margaret burst out laughing. "You should have seen Mandy's face when I said it! She 'bout shit a brick!"

Charlie couldn't help but laugh along with her. Her mirth was infectious. When they had recovered enough to speak properly Charlie asked again. "Why did you tell them that?"

"Brittney told me what happened, Mandy giving you shit for being pregnant outside of marriage. I've known her since we were kids, she's always been a prude."

"But why lie for me?"

"Because she don't know shit about you. For all she knows you are a widow. Anyway I don't like her harassing my employees. Bad for business."

Charlie nodded. "Thank you." and after a moment asked "How did my husband die?"

"He was a sexy fireman who died saving poor little orphans."

Charlie snorted. "I hope the kids were okay."

"I said he died saving them didn't I? Not died trying. You better clock in, it's nearly eight."

Charlie decided that Margaret's little lie would serve well to be her cover story then.

This particular Wednesday wasn't very special but it was the middle of the week which was usually the least active. They got a few locals and the occasional tourist or family passing through on their summer vacation to somewhere better. So when the doorbell chimed sometime around mid-afternoon she called "Be right with you!" as she finished restocking the clean plates for Jeremy to use. She grabbed her notepad and as she walked over to where the customer had seated himself, flipped it to a clean page. He wasn't a local but he wasn't a stranger either. That juxtaposition of information caught her off guard for a second as she started to rattle off her usual line, but then her brain caught up to her eyes.

"Welcome to Mags', can I start you with… some…" She trailed off as realization slowly sank in.

He looked confused for a second, not understanding why she was acting like this.

"Th-Theo." She said softly.

Surprise crept into his features. "Yes… but how did…" and then it finally clicked for him too. His jaw actually went slack as he stared. "Charlie?" a small grin started to play at the corners of his mouth, until his eyes glanced over her form and did a double take at her midsection. Now he stared outright at her stomach.

"What are you doing here?" Charlie managed to ask with a slight tremble.

"I… I…" Theo couldn't stop staring, his mouth still agape. Finally he managed to snap out of it. "I'm just passing through. Needed to stop for a bite. What are you doing here?"

Charlie gestured to the notepad in her hand. "I work here."

"Waiting tables?" Theo asked in disbelief. When Charlie nodded he actually smirked. "Aren't you a little over qualified for this?"

As a matter of fact, fuck you. Charlie thought, but instead repeated her question. "What are you doing here?"

His smirk disappeared instantly when he noted the way her eyes darted toward the door as if expecting to see more of his company. Or expecting to see Hans. Theo realized. "I'm alone. I didn't come here with anyone else and I really am just passing through."

"Passing through to where?"

"Well-" Theo stopped himself short. "How do I know you won't go ratting me out to the cops if I tell you?"

"You don't… I won't!"

"Promise?"

"I- fine! Yes, I promise." Charlie said with an exasperated sigh.

Theo chuckled softly. "Okay, okay, I'm just messing with you. I'm going to Virginia to see some family."

"Family?" Charlie asked skeptically.

"You don't think I have a family?"

"I honestly don't know. Do they know what you are?"

"...Black? God, I hope so or mom's in for a shock!" Theo cracked a grin.

Charlie was in no mood to joke. "Do they know you're a thief? A murderer?"

Theo had the tact to drop his smile now. "No. They might suspect but they never ask and I don't say."

"Where do they think you get all your money?"

"The official story is that I drive around the country selling insurance."

It was Charlie's turn to smirk. "And they believe that?"

"The bills get paid on time, food's on the table, medicine is covered, would you care enough to ask?"

Charlie's smirk slowly faded and she nodded. "Fair enough." They sat in an awkward silence for almost a minute before Charlie worked up the courage to ask the question she wanted. "So, ha-have you seen-?"

"Everything okay over here?" A voice made her jump. Jeremy had come out from the kitchens and was standing behind her looking a bit worried.

"Oh! Yes. Sorry, we're fine." Charlie assured him.

Jeremy glanced at Theo and then back to her. "You sure? You've been standing here for a hot minute."

Thinking quickly Charlie said "Oh, where are my manners? Jeremy, this is Theo, a friend from high school. We were just catching up a bit."

Jeremy's posture relaxed a bit but he said "Well you're on the clock and Mags don't pay you to chit-chat so either," he turned to Theo "order some food or," then back to Charlie "clock out for your break." Then he turned and shuffled back to the kitchens, grumbling to himself.

Once Jeremy was out of earshot Theo dissolved into barely contained giggles. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to get you in trouble!"

Charlie couldn't help but laugh slightly too, though more from nerves than humor. "It's okay. Can I get you something to drink? Food?"

"Uh…" Theo took a quick glance over the menu. "Coke and a cheeseburger."

"What do you want on it?"

"Surprise me." He said and handed her the menu.

Charlie took his order back to Jeremy who immediately got to work throwing the meat patty on the grill. When the order was up, Charlie brought it out to Theo, and he thanked her but said nothing else as he dug into his meal. It wasn't until after he paid his tab and was almost out the door when he reached out to place a hand on her shoulder.

"Can I have a word before I go?"

"Uh… yeah, hang on." She removed her apron and told Jeremy she was taking her break, then she and Theo stepped outside into the hot summer air.

"I haven't seen Hans since we got back to Germany and split ways." Theo said as soon as the door was shut behind them. Answering her unfinished question from earlier.

"I- oh. Okay."

"Is it his?" Theo asked point blank. When Charlie stared back at him, he gave a pointed glance to her swollen belly.

"...Yeah."

Theo gave a deep sigh and suddenly looked very tired. "And you kept it." He muttered so softly she almost missed it.

"I tried to… y'know? In the beginning when I found out. I was going to…" She couldn't even say the word now. Abort. She absently ran a hand over her abdomen and felt a small nudge in response. I almost aborted you.

"Why didn't you?" Theo asked as he watched her rub her stomach.

"I just couldn't, okay? I made the appointment, I went in, they got my feet in those stirrup things… but then I panicked and next thing I knew I was running out of there."

"So, what? You're gonna be a mom now? Single mom?"

"I don't know! I haven't thought that far ahead." Charlie snapped back. "I'm… I've been thinking about adoption. This baby doesn't need the burden of knowing about me or Hans."

"You think so?" Theo asked skeptically.

Charlie raised an eyebrow in response. "Don't you?"

"I think it'd be worse not knowing anything at all. Imagine if you never knew who your parents were or where you came from. You'd question it forever."

"Even if your father was Hans? And your mom was just some woman he raped?"

Without warning Theo reached out and pulled her into a hug, being careful not to crush her. "Oh, Charlie," He said softly, "you were so much more than that."

oOo

A.N.: This author is of a pro-choice stance and in no way endorses any propaganda (religious or pseudo-scientific) to guilt women into carrying unwanted pregnancies. The character Amanda/Mandy is not meant to be a voice of reason here, only an example of the hateful and ignorant rhetoric many women are faced with when they choose to carry a pregnancy outside of marriage.