Hellooo there, Kurt Hummel here! Yes, so… you're no doubt wondering why you're suddenly hearing from ME and not that sappy tender-hearted giant who is now officially and legally known as my step-brother.
Well… I'm sorry to tell you that he simply needed a break. This part of the story was just too painful for him to talk about, but since I was (unfortunately) close enough to all the drama, he thought perhaps I could at least bring you up to speed with the recent events and let you know what's going on.
First, regarding his hand.. Yes, indeed it IS broken; however it's what they call a 'boxer's fracture' which means he mostly needs to ice it and keep it splinted and rested as much as possible for a few weeks. No plaster cast required, which is a good thing, and Carole is apparently permitting him 3 days off school to stay home and nurse it. Of course, if he would stop BEING such a neanderthal and learn to channel his emotions in a more constructive way, he perhaps wouldn't have suffered this injury and also several innocent chairs could have been spared over the years… but I digress.
The doctor gave him a few pain killers too.. which has been… INTERESTING to say the least.
Case in point: Dad and Carole went out to dinner Saturday night, leaving the two of us home alone with pizza money. I went to check on the big lug when the food arrived while he remained MIA - which in and of itself was somewhat alarming, considering I've come to learn that Finn seems to possess a 6th sense when it comes to the arrival of food delivery; normally HE is the guy pacing impatiently and watching out the window as the delivery driver pulls up… Anyhooo… Instead of standing century for food arrivals, he was still holed up in his room. I found him sitting in the middle of his bed, wearing basketball shorts, his tux jacket and tie from the wedding (unbuttoned and bare chested beneath it), with his football helmet perched on his head, while sporting one of those ridiculous WMHS #1 giant foam hands. The most disturbing part of his attire however, was what I can only assume to be a pair of Rachel's forgotten green sparkly leg warmers adorning his lanky calves (and while it's true, I could have seized the golden opportunity that'd been set out before me like a veritable buffet of humiliation to snag some CHOICE future potential blackmail material in the form of video and or photographic documentation, the mere pathetic sight of him forced me to take the high road out of respect for his damaged heart and newfound pledge of brotherhood). Essentially, he was dressed like a sulking imbecile sitting in a veritable sea of photographs of he and Rachel, which were strewn all around him, and tacked all amid the fixtures throughout his room (lampshade, closet door, dresser drawers, the ceiling… I could go on, but I think you get the point) and the coup de gras - the video of last year's regionals performance of 'Faithfully' blaring at top volume from his DVD player.
It was the most horrifyingly depressing sight I'd encountered in my life. I mean, I knew he loved her deeply; I simply had no clue the actual endless ABYSS of feelings his teenaged boy heart was capable of filling.
I'm truly not clear on how much of that scene was brought on by the effects of narcotic pain medications and how much was brought on by the relentless angst of heartache he's been suffering for the past week. My best guess would be fifty-fifty. But then again, I also found three empty beer cans laying on the floor next to his bed… which, being the good and dutiful brother that I am, I promptly disposed of before our parents could learn about that recklessness but also may account for at least a certain percentage of the horror show I witnessed.
Next, I encouraged him to uncouple from the worst parts of that unsightly attire, tossed a t-shirt at him, then got some food down his gullet – do you know, he initially refused to eat at all? Finn Hudson. Refusing pizza. IT'S PREPOSTEROUS AND UNSPEAKABLE! But I managed to convince him he needed at least a slice or two to help counteract the pain-pill-and-beer hangover he was sure to feel soon. Afterwards I made him a strong cup of black coffee and ensured he drank it all, then tucked him into bed for (hopefully) a good night's rest to sleep it all off. (Yes, I was sure to leave a bucket in close proximity just in case.)
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A Kurt Hummel PSA: Boys and girls, I implore you to NEVER mix alcohol with medications! Nevermind how irresponsible that would be, given your illegal underaged youthfulness, but also it could seriously mess you up! Do you want YOUR not so nice sibling to take a photo of you in that same condition? I didn't think so.
Moving on…
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Safe to say, it was a complete and utter mystery to me just WHY in the name of Gaga that Rachel Berry, vocal powerhouse extraordinaire and linguistic aficionado that she is, should choose to terminate the EPIC fairytale romance that we've all come to know and love as 'FINCHEL' by way of a 12 word text message – especially without at the very least hearing Finn's side of the story first. Obviously my dear newly-dubbed brother's delicate psyche was now resting upon the answer to that riddle, so I took it upon myself to get to the bottom of exactly what transpired and why.
You see, in the process of planning my parents wedding, said Diva and myself have actually become quite close; therefore, I feel that little Miss Diva at the very least owed ME, her newest bestie, the courtesy of an explanation for leveling my brother's heart like an F5 tornado through a rural Missouri trailer park… Even if Rachel Berry won't answer to Finn Hudson, she WILL absolutely answer to moi!
I visited her home and spoke to her at length yesterday. In fact, I ended up staying the night since it was after all, a weekend and there was MUCH talking and weeping and rage yelling involved. Now that the Diva has completely unloaded all her unsightly Ringling Bros Circus sized baggage on me, I have better insight as to the cause and (knee-jerk) reactions of our future Broadway starlet.. However, now armed with a more complete picture herself, she is already shrouded in regrets and has now enlisted ME to help smooth things over. Needless to say, I'd much prefer NOT to be in this way too intimate position between the couple formerly known as Finchel… yet for the love family and friendship, I do feel obligated to at least try…. After all, they are BOTH hurting so badly right now, and it pains me to see them both suffer.
Another thing I should mention quickly, for the record.. I've definitely grown a whole new appreciation of Finn Hudson. Having now spent this much time with Rachel Berry, I realize Finn must be nothing short of a SAINT. I adore the girl, truly I do, even in spite of her hideous sense of fashion (and trust, I WILL be resolving that at some point whether she likes it or not)... but her continuous need to be propped up with pep talks and grand gestures and ego stroking reassurances… it is simply in a word, EXHAUSTING. Yet Finn does it effortlessly, without hesitation or complaint. If that ain't love, then love don't exist baby!
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Alrighty then. Beginning FROM THE TOP, here's what I know - and I'll start with a little background color:
Finn and Rachel lied to each other last year about their respective 'sexual statuses' but cleared the matter up from both sides before school started, with the understanding they BOTH remained unsullied and would continue as such, saving each for the other's taking… Very R&J romantic. [And quite frankly this came as a MAJOR gossip train derailment to me, since everyone in Glee (sans Diva, natch) was previously aware that Finn and Ms. Lopez DID in fact go to a hotel, and it was rumored/assumed that the deed in fact HAD been done… and my oh my, Cedes is going to DIE when I deliver this sizzling hot dish!]
Rachel still feels very insecure by comparison to both Quinn and Satan… I mean Santana – although she confessed that Finn has been doing his level best to promote her to the tippy top of the proverbial beauty queen pedestal, stating that he incessantly whispers sweet nothings to her in effort to boost her self confidence. I can attest to this as absolute truth, as can probably ALL current Glee members, given we've all heard it ad-nauseum for months now. You really do NOT want to be around when the whispers and goo-goo eyed cooing begins… it's truly vomitous. But okay, yes, also very sweet and certainly reflects a significantly higher calibur character that I honestly wasn't aware Finn possessed. If I'm being completely honest here, it's actually quite endearing and hopelessly romantic and a real testament of just how much he truly loves this tiny girl – despite (and perhaps because of) all her special brand of crazy.
Rachel stumbled upon a potentially sordid interaction between Satan and Finn at the church just before our parent's wedding; whereupon Rachel's arrival, Satan vacated rapidly. When pressed for details, Finn revealed nothing – evidently leaving room for doubt in Rachel's convoluted view of things – though in truth, I probably would have also been suspicious under the circumstances…
The arrival of the newest glee member Allison already had Rachel shaken and feeling even more self-loathing than usual. (Diva did mention she and her beloved had a brief conversation covering this topic – which was yet again mooted by a passionate kissing session… ah, yes. Still ad-nauseum.)
Last Tuesday after school, Rachel had hoped to spend some time outside studying alfresco on the bleachers whilst the gallant young Mr Hudson attended football practice… however, her plans were immediately dashed when she stumbled upon the sight of an apparent meeting of sorts between Finn and Satan which seems to have ended in a HUG. During this encounter, she observed the pair gazing in the same direction of one Quinn Fabray. She was too far away to have heard any words exchanged, but insisted they were smiling and embracing a little too willingly for her liking. I, of course, grilled her for further graphic description of this embrace, and based on what I eventually pulled from her (all hands remained ABOVE the waistline and BELOW the forbidden mounds while lacking in full body contact and lasting no more than 3 seconds), it sounded innocent and harmless enough to me. Plus, it's SATAN. I really don't think Finn would go there – especially not twice! But I do agree, something wicked that way grows…
Last Wednesday in the ladies room, Rachel was in a stall unbeknownst to one Brittany S Pierce and one Santana Lopez, who'd entered the facilities in mid-conversation about one Mr. Hudson's plummeting reputation. Overheard were random pieces of fragmented information pertaining to a hotel room, and the renewed rise of one Quinn Fabray. Rachel was confused and unable to confirm more specifics since Brittany did much of the talking and well, we all know how complicated THAT can be to translate into normal human vocabulary.
Last Thursday, the night of the big football game and halftime spectacular. Rachel recalled the near argument she and Finn had over her participation on the football team, despite the meticulously clever plan developed by the glee girls and Coach Beiste. Finn was quite adamant he did NOT want her on the field AT ALL, but didn't seem to fight nearly as strongly against the other girls' participation. She also found out through one Noah Puckerman that Finn had left the game altogether in search of a certain unholy trinity of cheerleaders – who were about to board a bus to their own cheer event – with the purpose of re-committing their allegiance to the glee club – an effort which was met successfully, since he returned with said 3 now former Cheerios in tow, all of whom appeared moon-eyed and dreamily gazing in awe at Finn.
A week ago last Friday - post Glee club. THE INCIDENT occurred. Rachel stepped out into the hallway and immediately found her boyfriend in a liplock with the once again former Cheerio blonde Queen Bee, aka his EX. Unfortunately, at the exact moment Diva witnessed this event, so did Satan… who apparently made a comment to the effect of 'and to think he turned me down… well that explains a lot.' According to Rachel, hearing Satan's seemingly cruel insinuations, combined with all preceding details she'd amassed, she could could only come to one conclusion: Finn and Quinn were having a secret affair. I'll admit, if she had simply LED with that theory alone lacking any of the supporting information herein contained, I would have laughed in her face. But taking in the big picture, including all aforementioned details fueling her reasoning and rationale, well.. It certainly sounds at least possible…
Once she registered the fact that Finn was aware that she'd just witnessed this atrocity, rather than face any further public humiliation, and – as she put it, 'feeling my own heart shatter inside my chest' – she simply fled the hallway. (Fight or flight is REAL people… and apparently Rachel's default setting is FLIGHT.) Her size and nimble footed agility allowed her to make a quick escape from Finn, who was in obvious pursuit. She made her way around the hallway into Mr. Schue's office and hid under his desk, where she was discovered by none other than one Jesse St. James. Crumbled in a heaving, sobbing ball on the floor, Jesse offered to get Finn and she screamed at him NOT to, then pleaded for him to just drive her home. Which, of course, he did.
She'd heard the banging on her front door shortly after Jesse dropped her home and had already informed her fathers NOT to permit Finn to enter, stating simply that she could not see him tonight. She said she furnished them no further explanation even when they pressed her for details, and then she had called Mr. St. James asking if he could just get her away from her home for a while. He'd agreed, and returned approximately 30 minutes after Finn had left. They went for coffee (well, hot tea in her case) at shop on the other side of town. She didn't disclose any of these woeful events to Jesse, asking him instead to just talk to her about his time in California and any ideas he had about our competition strategies – but she explicitly requested he did NOT mention Finn. Naturally, he'd obliged.
She refused to speak to her fathers when she returned home, locking herself in her room instead and commencing to cry herself to sleep – except just then, she'd received Finn's text message. By this point she'd already convinced herself that whether it be Quinn or Santana vying for his affections, she was no match for either and would only end up the jilted brokenhearted party… so, as she deemed this sad conclusion an inevitability, she took the preemptive strike and ended it herself. Via text. Which she positively regrets now, since…
Last Saturday morning at breakfast her fathers insisted that she listen to them recount what Finn had explained to them when he'd shown up at her door the day before. Rachel realized immediately she'd in all likelihood jumped the gun, but now she'd basically shot herself in the foot with her singular dismissive text message. She said she DID try to text and call Finn that day, but having gotten no reply and having left a voice message that remains unreturned, she was sure the damage done was permanent.
SOOOOO. There you have it, all the sordid sad and convoluted facts… and taking all of Rachel's POV into consideration, I can now understand how and why she reacted as she did… minus one detail. WHY wouldn't she hear out Finn's side of the story? When I asked her that very question, all she could say is because she's stupid and made a HUGE mistake.
And NOW she is fully aware of Finn's side concerning THE Q INCIDENT, although I'll admit I'm still a bit fuzzy on Satan's role in this tangled web they've weaved. It sounds like Santana had some devious role in all of this insanity… specifically what remains unknown at the moment (but I WILL be speaking to my brother in search of clarification!)
Rachel feels awful. She looks awful (and I don't mean that just in a fashion sense). She hasn't attended any extra cirriculars including and especially Glee all week. She'd believed that Finn was shutting her out altogether, until I explained how he'd smashed his phone after receiving her text and therefore couldn't have even known she was trying to reach him, plus he's been on those pain killers and honestly in no shape to be speaking to ANYONE right now.
So for my next great feat, I shall attempt to arrange a formal parlay… a moderated meeting if need be. Whatever it will be, it should include putting the two of them in the same physical space long enough to have a mature civilized HONEST conversation with one another. Hopefully they will both own their mistakes here, work through it and then carry on goo-goo eyeing each other til we all vomit in our mouths. I shall dub this task, Operation Fix Finchel. Hmm.. that would make the acronym OFF. Right.. I'm not sure that's terribly apropos.. I'll work on it though.
Meantime, our simpering hero still lies in his bed in his flannel PJ's with his latest depressing playlist blaring in an endless loop. I'm so thankful dad planned ahead and had Finn's room soundproofed for his drum set, but it now makes opening his door a frightening adventure.
I looked through the playlist while he was passed out and was nearly reduced to tears knowing how badly he is wallowing in his sorrows… and his emotions are apparently all over the place. Well. You can take a look and judge for yourself…
Finn's Life Sucks YouTube Playlist.
Journey - Separate Ways
Dashboard Confessional - The Best Deceptions
Nazareth - Love Hurts
Joan Jett And The Blackhearts - I Hate Myself For Loving You
Theory of A Deadman - Me and My Girl
Taylor Swift - Illicit Affairs
Justin Timberlake - Cry Me a River
R.E.M. - Everybody Hurts
Breaking Benjamin - Dance With The Devil
REO Speedwagon - Time For Me To Fly
Rascal Flatts - What Hurts the Most
Kodaline - All I Want
Hall & Oates - She's Gone
Pearl Jam - Black
Bon Jovi - You Give Love a Bad Name
Rihanna - Take A Bow
REO Speedwagon - Take It On the Run
The Cure - Pictures of You
Jeff Buckley - Last Goodbye
Joy Division - Love Will Tear Us Apart
Jimmy Eat World - Polaris
Evanescence - Immortal Beloved
I should make mention, that Rihanna song? Yeah, he actually manually renamed that track "Rachels Turn to Take A Bow".. I'm sure there's a ridiculously irrational reason behind that… {{heavy sigh}}