Here's Edward POV
Minutes turned into hours, hours turned into days, days turned into weeks. Two weeks, three days and I had no idea how many hours or minutes it's been since Jasper and I slept together. Everything had changed between us, our friendship was just about together, only just.
It wasn't as though Jasper wasn't making the effort because he was. I, on the other hand, wasn't.
Sleeping with my best friend was the worst thing I had ever done. How could everything go back to the way it was before our night together?
It couldn't.
It never did when friends fucked, it was either something more or something less and considering Jasper was straight other than me fucking him, the chance of it being something more was unlikely. I had seen friends fuck their friends enough times to know it's the kiss of death to any friendship.
So why did I do it? I don't know other than I was drunk and horny and Jasper was... well handing it to me on a plate.
Jasper was a good looking guy, he was hot, I wasn't blind. I might never have made it known I was checking him out, doesn't mean I never had. Yeah, I fancied Jasper, I didn't love him, or I wasn't in love with him.
If Jasper was gay I wouldn't mind getting with him, but he's not, so what's the point in wanting something you can't have?
There isn't one.
I wish I had pushed him away and kept him away.
I knew that Jasper was more drunk then I was, I knew he would regret it in the morning. I knew that if I went through with it, it would forever change things between us, but I couldn't stop myself. I couldn't fight the pull I felt when he touched me, when his lips met mine, the shocks that ran through me.
I wanted him. I don't regret really fucking him as it was the best sex of my life, I just wish it wasn't him that it happened with. The current that ran through me as we fucked, I hadn't felt that before.
I knew I would never feel that again, so I backed away, giving him the space he needs to sort his head out.
I can't even bring myself to think of what it must be like for him to wake up the next morning after sleeping with a man knowing you're not gay or even bi, it confused him and until he worked through it our friendship will continue to be strained.
The club was a great way of not seeing him, it gave us the space we both needed, with me not getting home until late and Jasper at work by the time I got up we hardly saw each other. When we did see each other the atmosphere wasn't tense like it had been. We could laugh and talk about things, but we both knew that it had changed. It wasn't as free as it once was, it was almost as if we were protecting ourselves, making sure it wouldn't happen again. I often wondered why Jasper had suddenly come on to me like that. We had been friends since we were kids and we had both been heavily drunk before, worse than we were that night and he had never done anything like that, so what changed? Was it just his drunken mind that suddenly decided he wanted to get laid and just went for the first person his eyes came across male or female? Or had Jasper been hiding something from me? I doubted it was the second one, Jasper knew his way around the ladies all top well, maybe a little too well.
Before Alice there was always a stream of women leaving the house on either a Saturday or a Sunday morning, sometimes both if he had been really lucky. Jasper knew how to talk his way into a woman's panties, he knew what buttons to push to make them drop them and open up for him.
He also knew he was good lucking and used it to his advantage, so if Jasper was suddenly hiding something like that, he was either very good at it or he wasn't willing to admit it.
I could sit and pick apart his reasons all day, it wouldn't change anything, it happened and we both had to get over it. I would like a repeat performance, I would love to find out what he can do with that ball on his tongue.
I almost wished I had found out during our night, but I didn't.
I cared more about our friendship than I did getting him in bed again. I had never pined or wanted over Jasper before and I wouldn't now. I could accept when something was out of reach and move past it, so that is just what I was going to do.
"What the hell are you doing?" Jasper's voice behind made me jump knocking me out of my thoughts. I removed the thin framed glasses off my face and rubbed my eyes, before looking at him.
"Trying to work all this out." I pointed at the pile of papers and books that sat on the table in the kitchen, while I tried to keep on top of what was coming into the club. Jasper laughed and sat down.
"I can see that, but I thought I was going to do this for you? Accounts are after all my department." He pulled the pile towards him and looked over it before his bright blue eyes fell back onto me. "Are you doing this because of what happened?" He asked.
Yeah, I was busted. I nodded my head and crossed my arms over my chest.
"I didn't think you..." He cut me off by placing his hand over my mouth, the shock ripped through me again.
"You're making a bloody mess of it. I told you I would do it, and we agreed that it was forgotten about." His hand stayed over my mouth while he spoke.
I wanted to tease him, but thought better of it. Our old games wouldn't sit well anymore. So instead of poking my tongue through like I would have done before I pushed his hand away instead.
"Sorry. Fuck Jazz, how does any of this make any sense to you? It's all numbers and crap to me." Jasper smiled and raised an eyebrow at me.
"That's because I have the brains to figure it out and you don't." I stuck my tongue out at him making him laugh. "It's easy when you know the how, there is a system to it."
"A system? Yeah, I have one of those. It's called fuck it up and give it to you to sort out." He shook his head and went back to my books as I tilted back on the chair. The house was weird now that everyone had moved out leaving just Jasper and I. It felt way too grown-up for my liking. Okay at twenty-six I should be acting more or at least feeling more grown-up, but I didn't want to.
"Have you ever had a man fuck you?" He suddenly asked. I almost fell off the fucking chair. What sort of a question is that?
"What?" I asked. I must have misheard him. Why on earth would he be asking me that? Was he trying to figure things out and thinking his best way of achieving that would be to ask me about my activities?
"Have you ever had a man fuck you or have you always been the one fucking?" He dropped the pen onto the paper and looked at me.
"Jazz, come on, you don't want to know about my sex life." His face looked serious as he inhaled deeply and looked at me.
"I do, so are you always what is it you call it, tops? Or do you bottom as well?" My mouth fell open. I had never had this sort of chat with any of my friends, fuck this sort of chat only ever came about in a relationship, not from your straight best friend.
"Why do you want to know, Jasper? What's it to you how my sex life works?" He stood up and went to the cupboard opening it up and pulling out a glass, he filled it with water and knocked it back.
"Just curious." He replied. I sighed and ran my hands through my hair.
"No, I top and nothing else." He smirked at me, which turned into a chuckle and then a laugh. I raised an eyebrow at him watching as he laughed his fucking head off.
"So you still have your man cherry then?" He managed to get out. I was failing to find just what was so god damn funny for him.
"In a sense, yes. What is so funny, Jasper?" He flicked the kettle on still chuckling with his back to me.
"Well, I think I should have that considering you took mine." That remark floored me, he tensed sharply as the atmosphere between us changed.
"I... I didn't mean to come out with that." He said turning to me embarrassed. My mind was still trying to work out just what Jasper had said and what the fuck he meant by it.
"Um... Don't worry about it. Look, I'll leave you to the books, I need to pop out." I scrambled to my feet grabbing my car keys. "I'll see you later." I muttered heading towards the front door.
"Edward, I was... I'm sorry." He called as I closed the door behind me and headed towards my car.
For someone who was supposed to be straight you don't just come out with lines like that, do you? What the fuck was that all about?
It makes me wonder if there was more to his coming onto me the other week than he let on. He had repeated time and time again that he had no interest in men, that he craved a woman's body, so if this was all so true.
Then why is he coming out talking about taking my man cherry?
For one, I don't bottom, it will never fucking happen, no matter how gorgeous they may be. I won't bottom for anyone, that includes Jasper with his crazed idea.
Jasper's rejection stung a little the morning after, his sudden regret after being so sure, hurt a fraction. I knew he would reject me in the morning, it was why moved him.
Rejection wasn't something I took well, and I knew if he woke up naked next to me he would freak out and the rejection would be a lot worse.
So I did the only thing I could do to save some of the rejection, I moved him. I watched him sleep softy as he curled into my side.
The electrical current ran between us, I did savor the feeling of skin against mine, his body touching mine, savored and cherished the current that I felt as I knew I wouldn't feel it again.
He was gorgeous, so beautiful and sexy. I knew him inside and out just as well as he knew me. I think that's why it hurt so much to see our friendship suffer the way it was. Jasper knew better than anyone else, he knew every mood, every frown and every reason for it.
He knew when I wanted to talk and when I wanted to be left alone. I hoped and wanted for nothing else than for our friendship to get back on track, for us to be able to joke freely and not suddenly become uncomfortable like it just did.
Maybe in time things will go back to how it once was.
Over the next week things settled down between Jasper and I, we managed to laugh it off after his remark.
While he claimed he wasn't thinking when he said it, I believed differently. I truly believed that even when you did something without thinking, you wanted to do it.
To me there was no such thing as it was a mistake, everything you did you did for a reason, whether you choose to accept it or not.
"There's this new bit of ass that has just started working in the office, eighteen, fresh out of school and fucking begging for it." Jasper declared as he came through the door one evening after work.
"And you know this how?" I asked, wondering when 'Jazz, sex god to all women' would appear.
"You should see the tits she has on her, and the short fucking dresses she wears. I swear she wore no panties today. She crossed her legs right in front of me and I'm almost sure that I caught sight of her clean shaven pussy. I tell you right fucking now, she wants some Jazz lovin'." I laughed.
How anyone could possibly think there this much god's gift I don't know.
"Jazz lovin'?" I chuckled out. "What's next? She wants to take a ride on your disco stick?" I laughed as I ran some product through my hair.
"Don't be calling the disco stick, every woman in that building wants to come try the Jazz ride." He smirked and looked at me. "You going out?" He asked in some sort of disbelief
"I have a date tonight." I smirked. "So you can dream of that pretty little eighteen year old with her, what you think, shaven pussy self-loving yourself." I pulled my watch on and watched as Jasper looked uncomfortable for a second before clearing his throat.
"W... who with?" He stuttered out avoiding looking me in the eye. Could Jasper be jealous that I have a date? Surely not.
"His name is Mike and I met him in the club last night." Jasper slumped on the sofa and undid his tie frowning.
"So you gonna fuck him?" He asked clearly sulking. My eyes went wide with shock. Jasper had never bothered to ask this before. In fact his whole attitude had changed now that I was going on a date.
"Don't know, maybe." I looked at Jasper who was frowning muttering to himself. "Okay Jazz, what's wrong?" I sat on the edge of the coffee table staring at him.
"Nothing, go have fun, go fuck the guys brains out for all I care." He snapped at me. "Just go, have fun and enjoy your night of fucking." He seethed at me.
His sudden change threw me off balance. Jasper was jealous of me going out on a date? What the fuck was all that about? He can come home telling me how he is going to get some silly little girl in his bed, but I can't say that I was going out on a date?
"Jasper?" He kept his arms across his chest sulking as he looked at me. "Are you jealous?" I asked. Jasper looked taken aback for a second before shaking his head laughing, a forced laugh might I add.
"Jealous? Fuck no, I'm playing around. Have a good night and you can tell me all about it later." He smiled forcefully at me. I shook my head and stood up. I wasn't in the mood to play games with him. He could either tell me he was jealous or not, if he wants to make out he was playing, fine.
"I'll see you later." I called heading out of the door.
I had arranged to meet Mike in a local bar. If I was completely honest I didn't really have much interest in the guy, he was alright looking I guess, near the same height as me, brownish hair. I guess to someone else they would think he was gorgeous, to me he was just okay.
My reason for being on a date with a guy I was not really interested in was simple.
Jasper was my reason.
I wasn't doing this to make him jealous or attempt to, though after his little display at home I kind of wish I had done this to get a reaction out of him.
Maybe it would have saved me the next two hours of what was sure to be boredom for me.
Jasper had managed to overtake my mind, thoughts that I shouldn't have had been popping up time and time again. Thought's that I had never had before of him were taking up most of my fantasy's in the morning while showering.
I couldn't have those sort of thoughts for someone who wasn't even on the same side as me. I couldn't have these thoughts over my best friend, and even though I tried to push them out of my mind, they kept coming back over and over again.
Util I couldn't do anything else but accept them. How had one drunken night of fucking destroy everything?
I wanted him to want me. I wanted him to suddenly have this change of heart if you will and decide that he wanted our friendship to be more. I wanted to feel that buzz again, I wanted to have the best sex of my life with him again. I wanted what I couldn't have and it was killing me.
Never before had I ever wanted Jasper this way, I had never had fantasy's of him, never wanked off while thinking of Jasper, but now that was all I seemed to do. I was falling for my best fucking friend who up until three weeks ago I had never wanted and now he was all I wanted. Hoping against all hope that maybe I just needed to go out on a date and it would rid Jasper from my memory banks, I agreed to go on this date. Now I wish I hadn't.
Now while I sat waiting for him, I realized that this oh so great plan of mine was in fact, oh so shit.
"You made it. God, I thought I was never going to get here, so shall we have a few drinks here then we could go for dinner then maybe my place?" Mike's voice blasted into my ear. I cringed, all of this in the less than thirty seconds of him being here and already he has the night planned out, nice.
"How about we have a few drinks and then see?" I smiled gently at him as he ordered a drink at the bar.
Listening as Mike went to tell me about the kids he taught I realized that we had nothing in common. The more he went on the more I wanted to go, I took the night off to come here and sit and listen to this?
I should have just gone to the club. Better yet I should have just stayed home in some silly torture of having Jasper there filling my mind more with delicious fantasy's of him.
Locking my jaw I continued to listen to Mike go on and on, so far he told all about his job, his mother's home baked cakes and now he was currently telling me about some online war game he plays for a laugh.
Really Edward, you sure picked a great fucking date here.
"So then Eddie, you own the new club that's just opened. I gotta say it's pretty impressive. You picked a good spot to open, trade must be amazingly good. Do you live on your own?" I blinked a few times trying to wake myself up from the hell I was currently in.
"Umm yeah, trade is good, it's been open for about a month now, so its still a baby really. I'll know if it was a good place after twelve months, once I've had a year's trading behind me, but so far it looks good." I downed the rest of my drink and ordered another one.
"I live with a guy called Jasper, we share a house together." I paid the tab as the bar tender handed me yet another beer.
"Jasper? Is he like your ex or something? I mean if there is an ex still on the scene then maybe we could invite in?" His eyes darkened with lust as he ran his tongue over his lips. I don't think I have ever felt so sick in all my life.
"No, he's just a friend. We've lived there since college, there were four of us to begin with. Um, look Mike, this isn't going to work out, you're a nice guy and everything..." He cut me off suddenly
"But there is someone else, am I right?" I shook my head and laughed slightly.
"No, there's no one else. It just doesn't feel right, sorry for wasting your time. Mike, I'm sure your Mr. Right is out there, I'm just not it." Half smiling I finished my drink off, Mike continued to stare at me.
"It's okay, I figured you were out of my league, but thanks for tonight away." He left the bar leaving me to sit by myself and dwell on everything.
I needed to look at the facts and weigh everything all up. I liked Jasper a lot more so after our night together, but Jasper was straight. Jasper had made his remark last week throwing me off balance completely by coming out with something that made me think he wanted something more, then tonight's sudden blow up with me going out on a date and him getting all jealous at me for it. I knew Jasper was confused since our night together, but could he be possibly feeling more towards me than he is telling me?
Then there was that electric current I felt, surely he felt that too, or was that only me? If he felt it too, is this the reason for his remarks and jealous acts? How would Jasper feel about having a relationship with a man if it ever came to that, which I highly doubt?
Could he handle being seen with me like that?
Then of course, there was the thought Jasper could just be wanting to experiment until he found some new chick.
If things were to ever happen between him and I again I would get attached to him and if this was some little experiment until he found someone else then I would be left heartbroken and without a best friend.
It would ruin our friendship, ruin everything we had. I didn't want to and I wouldn't risk losing my best friend over some feeling that I was suddenly getting.
Surely I can just dispel these thoughts and feelings, they had come on easy enough, so surely switching them off was just as easy, wasn't it?
Heading back home I pulled up outside the house, noticing the faint lights that were coming from the living room.
We needed to seriously talk, not just brush over it as we had done. I needed to know what was going on inside his head, what he had made of it all. Maybe then things might start to fall back into place. If he had felt something too would this be the reason behind everything?
Would he be willing to talk about it and hopefully get to the bottom of it once and for all? I knew I couldn't carry on living like this, pretending that everything is all right when it's not, just waiting for one of us to say something and make the other feel uncomfortable.
The hallway lights were off as I got in through the front door, the faint sound of the TV coming from the living room. I decided now was a better time than any to talk about this.
With that in mind I pushed the living room door open to see Jasper lying on the sofa crying, concern and confusion came through me as I looked at him.
"Jazz?" His head snapped up wiping his face, it was bright red.
How long had he been crying for? Jasper hardly ever cried, I think I saw him cry once for about half an hour when him and Alice broke up.
"Hey, have a good night with...whatever his name was?" He pulled himself up and went into a sitting position on the sofa.
"No, it was a nightmare. Jazz, why are you crying? Has something happened?" I asked sitting back on the edge of the coffee table in front of him, he nodded his head. "You can tell me Jazz, you know that right?" He nodded his head as his lip trembled.
"Give me the answers to all of this please. I'm so fucking confused, Edward. Fuck, this isn't right." He grumbled out. "I was fucking jealous, jealous of you going out on a date, and not because you were having a date and not me, but because you were going out with someone else and that someone else wasn't me. Tell me what that fucking means, and while you're at it tell me what it means when I think of you I get fucking hard, tell me what the shock waves were when I was with you. Tell me why I have gone from straight and knowing what I want to..." He trailed off sucking in a deep breath.
My head swam listening to him. I didn't know what to say to him. I didn't have the answers to any of these questions.
I had ideas to what it might all mean, but I didn't know if those answers were the right ones or not.
He had just floored me telling me all of this, I was having a hard enough time trying to work out what he had just said to me than what the answers to his questions were.
"I don't know, what do you want?" I asked him, watching as he wiped his face again with his hand.
..