Part IV: found

Sansa felt uneasy.

It was the only word she could put to what she was feeling.

It was less than a fortnight since the debacle with her knight, and if people noticed that the two were not on speaking terms, they did not say anything or show their concern. Only Arya, who immediately knew as soon as she saw her sister's dejected face, pressed her about it.

"What did you do?" demanded Arya.

She was practicing her water dance in the middle of her room when her queen sister barged in, befuddled and frantic, holding her dress high up to her knees -Arya knew that the only matter that would have her sister running around the castle with her legs bare would be a matter of the heart.

"Arya," she huffed with indignation. "Why would you assume that I am at fault?"

"Because," slowly articulated Arya, swinging needle high above her head, "Lord Bayne has given up on your prospective betrothal, and I saw Ser Podrick walking the yard looking like a miserable little shit. Seeing as he's been sharing your bed for the better part of a year, he had only been the perfect picture of bliss, until this very morning -and I believe he is too good to wrong you in any way."

"Oh gods," groaned Sansa, throwing herself on her sister's bed gracelessly. "I always seem to-to mess up everything with him. Why am I like this?"

"Feelings are confusing," shrugged her sister, shifting her balance from on foot to the other, and jabbing at an imaginary target. Sometimes, Sansa felt like her sister saw danger everywhere, and it probably had something to do with people changing faces…

"How do I fix this," moaned Sansa, rubbing her face with both hands.

"Don't touch your face too much, dear. Your skin is sensitive, and it would give you pimples and it will become marred with wrinkles before you become of age. We wouldn't want you becoming an old lady before you even become a lady, don't we?" her mother would often say.

Then there was her sister, often pulling her face into an ugly grimace and rolling in mud. Her skin never held a blemish, unlike Sansa's, who reddened at the lightest contact and broke into rashes whenever she tasted milk. Arya was truly gifted with carelessness, and her dispositions only allowed her to throw all caution out of the window.

"I can't help you if you won't explain what you've done."

And Sansa spoke. She told her sister about the first night she spent with Podrick, and of his confession, followed by the guilt that had plagued her since. How could she use him, when all he wanted was to serve her, leaving his home in the south in favour of being by her side? She thought that she was no better than the dead Mad Queen, who had used her brother's love to manipulate him into submission.

"Don't say that," groaned Arya. "Don't compare yourself to her. She would never feel even a mite of the guilt you are feeling now if she had any goodness in her."

Sansa smiled at Arya, buried her face into her sister's pillows, and cried softly. "I don't know what to do."

Arya walked up to her bed, and sat down at the edge, leaning against her sister's legs. "You will. You're the smartest person I know."

Presently, her awkwardness surpassed any other feelings she may have been feeling towards the Podrick… affair.

And to think that state affairs used to be my biggest headache, she mused, trying to focus on the words spoken by Ser Brienne.

The reason for that unease was that she was seated right on front of the same edge of the table where Podrick had taken her once, and with him standing near, she could feel his gaze burning at the back of her head. She knew that if she were to look back at him, she would either blush crimson or break down in front of their audience whom, despite being present for a meeting of important matters, felt like outsiders to her; mere spectators of their secret little world.

If she focused hard enough, she would be able to hear the tapping of his foot whenever someone made a disparaging comment to her or talked her down with derision in their words. After all, the North had never had a queen before, and some were reluctant to let go of their prejudices against her ruling a kingdom. If she looked at him, she would see the way his eyes hardened whenever a Lord sneered at her.

"You can punish them, you're a queen now my Lady."

"That would only feed into their reluctance, Ser Payne."

"-and that would be all, your Grace," concluded Ser Bienne, bowing low and retreating into the shadows of the room.

Sansa jumped lightly, and nearly flushed when she realized that she did not listen to a word of what was spoken in the last few minutes. She merely nodded at the blonde knight and dismissed everyone. She would ask her to repeat herself later when her head felt clearer.

When the door closed behind the last attendee, she crossed her arms in front of her and slouched on her seat, taking a deep breath.

"Gods, give me strength."

"What for, your Grace?" inquired an amused voice behind her.

Startled, she jumped back and nearly fell off her seat. She abruptly turned around and saw her knight staring at her, and nearly screamed with joy at the relief she felt. Those two weeks he had refused to speak to her felt like two eternities stacked on top of each other that she had to climb, but the top only seemed to get higher, and every time he deliberately avoided her, she only seemed to fall and lose all progress.

"Pod-I mean, Ser Payne," she mumbled, flushed. She quickly stood up and almost bowed down at him, before realising how ludicrous it would be for her to do so.

They stared at each other for a while, before Podrick cleared his throat. "May I accompany you to your chambers?"

"Yes," she instantly replied, furiously nodding her head.

He smiled hesitantly, and she hoped that he would offer her his arm, but he disappointedly only stood there, waiting for her to beckon him out of the room. She cringed internally and turned away, and he finally uprooted himself to follow her. They silently walked through the castle's halls, falling into step with each other. Upon reaching her chambers, she quickly surveyed the area, and deeming it empty enough, she invited him inside with a heavy look. She sat on her bed, hoping that he would follow, but he stood in front of her, unsure and tense, his gaze stubbornly evading hers.

"Podrick," she started, her voice almost a whisper.

"My lady," he interjected, "I must apologize."

Sansa frowned at him. "What for?"

His eyes finally met hers. The effort he had to exhibit not to picture her undressed and dishevelled on the same bed they've coupled more times than he could count felt unsurmountable. "Last time, I was…hurt. But I had no right to speak to you the way I have. My duty is to serve you. What we did was more than I could have ever dreamed of-"

"Podrick," she whispered, a weak effort to interpose.

"-I apologize for my impudence, I assure you it will be the last time," he continued, his gaze imploring, "but if I do not speak my thoughts now, I fear that I never would."

She nodded, beckoning him to resume.

He looked down and cringed at the dirt on his shoes. I should remove them. I wouldn't want to dirty such nice chambers.

The thought almost made him laugh at the irony; his dirty shoes tainting the tidy floor echoed the way he defiled her with his words, his touch.

He pushed through the nerves, letting his words flow out once again."I truly do love you. I would be lying to myself and to you if I claimed otherwise. I-I do not think I know enough words to define the depth of what I feel for you." He chuckled, but it sounded devoid of any trace of delight.

"I admit, the thought that you had used me crossed my mind, but I've been an enthusiastic participant in my own demise," he sighed. "There is no one else to blame but my own foolishness. It would be unfair for me to blame you for the same duty I was so eager to perform. I have no place in thinking this. When you knighted me, I vowed that I would do anything to serve you -please you for the remainder of my days."

He took a deep breath, a certain finality weighing on his shoulders. "But I am weak. This same weakness is what caused this, and I assure you, my feelings will no longer be a hinderance. I will resume the task you've assigned me. I will find you a husband."

Sansa, who has listened with rapt attention, her heart hammering away inside of her chest, sat frozen in place. Two beats later, when she was certain that he had concluded his tirade, she smiled softly at him. "I believe you've succeeded at your task."

He frowned. "Have you been reconsidering Lord Bayne?"

"I have reconsidered him yes; he had a lot to say before he left."

Podrick nodded. "My Lady, I cannot recommend him enough. He truly is a good man and would be a great addition to the North."

"He is a good man indeed," she paused, "-observant as well. Something I cannot claim is a quality you've been gifted with."

His eyes narrowed, wondering if she had invited him here to insult him. "I apologize for my shortcomings," he bowed lightly, miffed.

Sansa noted the look on his face and nearly groaned at her words. She had apparently offended him, and this was not the way it was supposed to go.

"That is not what I intended," she butt in, fervently shaking her head. "What I meant is…you wear your feelings on your face, like an open book. Even an illiterate would know of the affections you hold for me."

He huffed.

Huffed.

She ignored the impudent sound. "But you are quite blind to other people's affections."

She stood up, and slowly approached him, a wolf stalking its prey. When she was a mere foot away from him, she placed a hand on his chest. He noted the way it shook, a contrast to the confidence she spoke with. "You've succeeded at your task."

Podrick stood speechless, lost in her eyes. Her hand was light, but it felt like a boulder on his chest. "My Lady?"

"Had I not known you, I would say that you chose Lord Bayne to partake in a scheme to win you favours. Unfortunately, he rescinded his wish to marry me, but the way he sang your praises…I nearly believed he was here to wed you."

He frowned, denial swimming behind his eyes.

"My Lady, if this is about the… services I've been providing you," his eyes shifted to her beddings, "I am here to assist you and that is a service that I should be honoured to provide. These feelings I have…I will lock them away-" he paused, "-for you."

"You are not a whore!" exclaimed Sansa, angry on his behalf. "This was not a service- I refuse to let it be service. You are not a tool for me to use as I please, I should have never roped you into this, I should have stopped this pretence after that first night…when I was made aware of your affections."

He breathed in a deep breath, the scent of her tickling his nostrils.

"But I cannot say I regret any of it," she whispered. "The only pretence was my refusal to accept my own feelings."

"Feelings?" he repeated.

She nodded, almost angrily. "Your feelings are not a hinderance, the only hinderance was my denial."

Podrick took a step back, her hand falling off his chest. "Sansa?"

"You've succeeded in your task," she repeated. She brought her hand back to her side, and paused for a moment, a sudden uncertainty projected by her defensive stance. "I don't want you to be the only one to provide a service anymore. This-this will be a mutual duty."

Podrick was silent.

"A duty between husband and wife," she whispered. "I want the weirwood tree to be witness to it."

Podrick opened his eyes in shock, finally seeing what he was blind to, finally noting the reverence she wore on her face.

He was no Lord, but he felt like a king.

A fortnight later, Arya watched her sister smile for the first time as Podrick wrapped his cloak around her shoulders. She couldn't help but grin in glee; this was the first time her sister was a willing participant in her own wedding.

She felt Gendry's grip tighten around her hand, and she returned the gesture.

She never wanted to be a mother, but she could not wait to be an aunt.

One more complete story to add to my profile!

I kinda feel like this conclusion is a bit underwhelming, but in all fairness, its been a while since i started this story and my inspiration was so hard to pull back since i havent been invensted in the GOT universe in literal years. theres a lot of things i dont really remmeber from the show and my memory was failing me quite a bit.

I hope you guys enjoyed it nonetheless :)