The trip back to the trailer was filled with complete silence. Derek, who felt too guilty to say anything, and Addison who looked out the window, imagining a thousand possible scenarios for what had just happened with the interns.

What could've been so serious to make Richard that furious and make Izzie Stevens resign in that way? Why was Richard looking for Bailey's interns? And why was Derek somehow involved in all this? Had they killed one of Derek's patients and that's why they all disappeared at the same time?

No, that made no sense... Or did it? She regretted not insisting on Miranda telling her what was going on.

Derek parked the vehicle next to the trailer as always, and they both got out. It wasn't even eleven P.M. They had left the party too early, and Addison, judging by her husband's expression, already knew that today wasn't going to be the day she told him the great news either.

Derek entered first, he threw his coat onto the sofa forcefully, and went straight to the bathroom. She heard him turning on the shower and getting under the water. She walked over to the bed area, took off her heels, and stored them in a transparent box with other party shoes. She had started putting them there so that Doc wouldn't chew or hide them, but he wasn't even in the trailer anymore. Great, the story can always be even more depressing.

She went to her bedside table and took the wrapped gift in her hands. While caressing the blue ribbon that wrapped it, she wondered whether or not she should give it to him today, after everything that had happened. Would it be too naive of her to believe that maybe it would brighten Derek's night? That he would get emotional, hug her, and tell her that she was the love of his life while holding the onesie and the pregnancy test in his hand?

Oh, yes, she also thought about including the test in the surprise. She still had it and wanted him to see everything she had already seen. She felt it was only fair to do it that way.

She sighed, feeling extremely foolish and putting everything back where it was. She lifted the pillow on her side of the bed and took out her yellow pajamas to put them on.

As she untied the straps of her dress, tears started to trickle down her cheeks. Throughout the night, Derek hadn't even noticed her or what she was wearing, and now she had to take it off. And, she won't lie, the only way she wanted to get rid of that dress was if he ripped it off her skin, as he had done many times in the past after returning from a gala dinner.

"What I like the most about your clothes is when I take them off," he had told her once, and it made her laugh. He didn't make her laugh anymore, he only made her cry...

Derek came out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist, and a shiver ran through his body when he saw Addison crying at the edge of the bed with the straps of her dress fallen. He was afraid that she already knew and was just keeping quiet to avoid causing a scene at the hospital, since he hadn't cared if anyone else saw them. It was too humiliating for all of his colleagues to know.

"Addie, I..." He didn't even know how to start the sentence. He felt like a disgusting imbecile. He had showered to wash away the feeling of dirtiness, but water only removes dirt from the body, not from the soul.

"Oh, I didn't hear you turn off the faucet," she said, quickly wiping away her tears with her hand.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, "I truly apologize... I..." he said, slowly sitting beside her. Addison looked at him with a confused look on her face, not understanding why he was apologizing.

"Sorry for what?" Her voice was congested. Derek felt even worse hearing her speak like that.

At that moment, he felt a slight relief. She didn't know he had been with Meredith. But now he didn't know why she was crying.

"Why are you crying?" he timidly asked after a while. Maybe she did know and was just waiting for him to bring up the topic.

"It's nothing, I... It's stupid," she looked away, trying to avoid the conversation.

"Tell me."

"What happened at the hospital with the interns?"

"Denny Duquette died."

"Oh..."

"They all agreed to cover for Stevens, who had cut the LVAD wires to get ahead on the heart transplant waiting list. And she succeeded."

"Oh my God..."

"But Denny eventually died from a clot in the heart that they didn't have time to detect it. Izzie was in love with him, or something like that, and she was devastated. The others were just there to support her."

"What does this have to do with you? Why did you go and left me all alone?" Another tear escaped involuntarily. She hated showing herself like this in front of him.

"I... I had another patient, a 78-year-old lady that I operated on for an aneurysm last week, and... I happened to be around when I saw what had happened," he lied.

Addison wasn't fully convinced by the answer, but she preferred to not say anything. She was much more sensitive than before and any argument would make her cry and her voice break.

"Why are you crying?" he asked again when he saw that she wasn't settled.

"It's just... You didn't even notice me. I spent the whole afternoon choosing this dress, following advice from people I don't even know just to get your attention, and... you didn't notice me," she lowered her head, and more tears kept falling.

"Hey..." he lifted her chin with one hand, "you looked beautiful. Of course, I noticed," he lied. God, how many more lies could he accumulate in one night?

"Really?" she whispered.

"Of course... You were the most beautiful woman there... And this dress? It's super hot," he didn't even like that dress, it was horrendous and didn't seem like Addison's style. How desperate must she have been for his attention to follow the advice of someone with the worst fashion taste just because they said it would work with her husband?

She laughed, even with teary eyes. Damn fool, he always knew how to make her smile.

"I'm sorry for everything, Addie," he said, holding her hands, "I'm sorry."

"It's okay, it's nothing..."

Derek was apologizing for something much bigger than she thought. If only she knew, everything wouldn't be okay...

He brushed a loose strand of hair behind her ear as he looked at her face. This woman loved him, it was evident in every cell of her eyes that she was madly in love with him, and he couldn't –or didn't want to– feel the same way towards her. It pained him to have this happen. The last thing he wanted was for her to get hurt.

Addison suddenly leaned towards his face and kissed him. He responded, unable to push her away at that moment. After a few seconds of kissing, she placed her hand on his waist, loosening the towel he had on. Making her intentions clear.

"Addie, Addie..." he quickly said, holding her hand. He couldn't have sex with her then. He still felt like the worst person in the world for what he was doing.

"Oh..." she understood and once again felt that small pain in her chest from being rejected. She was starting to think that he didn't enjoy doing it with her, that it didn't excite him anymore. It had been over a month since the last time they did it, coincidentally the day they conceived their baby. She still couldn't believe how she managed to get pregnant.

"It's not because of you..." he quickly said before she could think otherwise, "it's just that I'm tired. I haven't slept in two nights because of Burke's surgery. I... I need to rest a bit, my head is going to explode."

Addison nodded and moved away from him, she knew it was true that he hadn't slept, and she herself had been the one to tell him to get some rest. But still, she continued to feel that sense of rejection towards her.

She got up and took her yellow pajamas with her to put them on in the bathroom, wanting to give him privacy to change and also not wanting him to see her naked, after all, she felt a bit humiliated by doing that.

When she came out of the bathroom, Derek was already lying down with his eyes closed. She couldn't tell if he was sleeping or not, but his light was off and he was facing the opposite side from her.

She sighed and lay down as well. Today hadn't been the day either...

~•~

The next morning, Derek woke up early and went to the hospital without telling Addison anything. He didn't know if he would be able to face her when he looked at her sleeping that day. He still felt guilty about everything and needed to talk to Meredith about it.

Addison heard him leave, but didn't find it strange as she thought he had been called in for an emergency or Burke's case. The thing is, she stayed in bed a little longer, as the exhaustion from the first trimester had her constantly tired and sleepy.

It was a whole new level of exhaustion that she had never experienced, not even as a surgical resident pulling 48-hour shifts. Now, every time she had some free time between patients, she would go to her office to take a short nap. It didn't matter if it was only 20 minutes at times, she made the most of every second.

In addition to excessive sleepiness, another symptom that was affecting her was morning sickness. It didn't happen every day –thankfully, and thanks to God– but it tended to make its show up whenever she woke up.

That day was no exception, she had to interrupt her precious sleeping time to rush to greet the toilet face to face. After that, she took a shower and felt better.

Upon leaving the bathroom, she saw Derek's jacket on the kitchen sofa –well, technically there was no kitchen in that trailer, but that's where they ate. She had seen Derek throw the jacket like that the night before, but she wasn't in the mood to tell him to take care of his clothes at that moment.

She approached the sofa and picked it up with her hands. She didn't exactly know what made her put it on, maybe the perfume that it was soaked in or the simple fact that it was something of his and women love wearing their partner's clothes.

She loved seeing him in a black tuxedo because it reminded her of their wedding night. Yes, that might be obvious and cheesy, but it was one of the happiest days of her life. She would always remember everything that reminded her of that day with a smile.

While she was thinking about that –and how sexy she felt wearing that jacket– something made her put her hands in the pockets.

The left pocket was empty, but in the right one, she felt some fabric. She took it out, thinking it was a handkerchief, a face mask, or Derek's surgical cap, but no.

When she stretched the piece of fabric between her hands, she realized that it actually was woman's lace panties.

And they certainly weren't her panties.