Valkyrie slammed the door closed and rounded on Skulduggery. "I did something last night."
He sighed and indicated back into the morning rush hour traffic. "Do I want to know?"
"Of course you do," she scoffed. "So, Militsa was looking online and figured we should try anal, and wow it was something."
"I hate you so much."
"Why didn't anyone tell me it felt like that, it's so weird! To be honest I don't think we did it right, because it was only so good, you know? It didn't help that Mil kept referring to my arse as my 'bootie'. I kept laughing and couldn't concentrate."
"You know," Skulduggery commented lightly, "I think you are the punishment for all my sins, sent directly from the heavens to torment me."
"Okay yeah, but like, why did I fart so much after? Why didn't anyone warn me?"
A man was shoved into traffic at that moment, causing a bloody scene, and Skulduggery tutted and slammed on the break.
.*****.
"Soo, guess what?" Valkyrie grinned, laying over the front living rooms' largest sofa.
"Did you finish the paperwork?"
"No, guess again," she laughed.
Xena wiggled excitedly at his feet and he knelt to stroke her better. "Did you work out our killer, perchance?"
She snorted a laugh. "Militsa had me pee in her mouth this morning and it was so strange. Like, at first it was just normal strange, but then I kind of liked it."
Skulduggery slowly stood. "Why do you tell me these things?"
She waved away his words. "I felt… I don't think powerful is the right word, but I felt so hot pissing on her. I don't know how to describe it. Have you ever tried peeing on people?"
He looked at her for a moment and then asked, "Did she pee on you?"
"Oh my god, yes, and it was way hotter being the one getting peed on!"
She went silent when Skulduggery's phone started ringing, and with some reluctance he answered it.
.*****.
"Oh, I went to an orgy this last weekend. Did I tell you?"
Skulduggery glanced at her and then back at the road. "You didn't."
"We'd never even had a threesome before so it was so hot to go to. I didn't really care about watching random people, they weren't really my type, except for this one guy who was hung, and I managed to catch him alone. He fucked Militsa and I sat on her face, it was amazing."
"I'd have thought the positions would be the reverse, considering how much you talk about… well."
She shrugged. "I don't think he would have appreciated me pegging him," Valkyrie joked. "Nah, I liked watching, I could see the bulge in her stomach and I think it unlocked a new kink."
"I'm happy for you," he said blandly. "How did Militsa fare?"
"Oh she loved it, you know she likes it rough and messy," she grinned, thinking back. "I think we'll go again. I might ask Tanith, but I don't know if she's seeing that American officially or not. I don't want her to think I don't think they're a real couple or something."
"Why would she think that?"
She shrugged, thinking about it. "I don't know, just a thought. Anyway, Militsa said she saw these guys in some position she wants to try, so I'll tell you how it goes."
He hums in agreement.
.*****.
Skulduggery glanced at her, and she failed to keep the smirk off her face.
After some minutes of finger tapping and obvious signs, he cracked. "What has you so cheery?"
"Me and Militsa did something and it was probably our favourite yet. Want to guess what it was?"
He grunted in discontent, waited her out, gave up. "Was it more urination? You spoke highly of it a few times."
"Nope, though we have, yeah."
"You said you were going to try to learn to deepthroat?"
She tutted, "I'm still trying, it's really hard. One more try."
He mulled it over and slowed for a red light. "A threesome?"
"No, but that's a great idea. Militsa was browsing porn for inspiration, as she does, and found this one of humiliation, and had us watch a few. We tried it this weekend and fuck, it was fun. I did her first, and she loved it. I thought I might be doing it wrong, because I would tell her she's a slut and then compliment her for it, but she said it was hot, so it worked out."
"You called her a slut?" He asked, sounding curious. "You usually lose it when people insult Militsa. I recall you having a man begging you to let him make it up to you, and when he called her an angel, you slapped him for not calling her a goddess."
"Look, she is a goddess, and that guy was a freak. I called her a whore, a slut, I think I called her a fuck toy, I really went for it. She wanted me to slap her and, Christ Skulduggery, I was so scared I'd hurt her, we had to do practice slaps hours before we started, I was so worried. But it went really well, she came like four times."
"I presume you switched after?"
"Well the next day, yeah," she grimaced. "I didn't really like it so we stopped."
He slapped the wheel in triumph. "So you do have a boundary!"
"What? Oh, no!" She laughed. "I mean, yeah we stopped, but only because I threw her on my lap for insulting me and spanked her! It triggered my brat alarm, you know? We might try it again another time, but now I'm thinking about threesomes."
Skulduggery sighed.