Your legs ached, as did the entirety of your body.
You stirred away, the sun from the open window blinding your eyes.
You push yourself up from the futon, the blanket you were wrapped in falling to expose your naked figure.
You were sore and one look at your appearance has your mind fluttering with memories.
"Nemi…?" you call out to nothing. You were alone in the room the two of you shared the night prior. You scanned the area to find no trace of him - not even his belongings.
Your legs tremble as you stand to your feet. You take nearly 10 minutes to get dressed, but you cannot be blamed. Your body is covered with bruises and marks that hiding it with Sanemi's gifted haori was difficult, but manageable.
You make your way out of the room, belongings in hand. You walk past the innkeeper who doesn't say a word - a different woman from the first two you met the day prior.
"CAW!"
Hiyori flies above you just as you exit the inn. If you had to guess, it was an hour before noon.
"Y/L Y/N is to report to the Butterfly Mansion for treatment! Y/L Y/N and others to the Butterfly Mansion!"
"Hiyori." you call the crow, holding out your arm. "Where's Sanemi?"
"Shinazugawa-sama has left on his own in the morning!"
Left.
Sanemi had left you here?
Alone?
"Y/N!"
It's Sumire and Roshi, returning back to you appearing slightly disheveled.
"W-What-"
"Don't ask." Sumire's flushing bright red.
"Please." Rochi murmurs and you notice none of them can look the other in the eye.
Your mind connects the dots.
You and Sanemi were not the only two subjected to the demon's spell.
"Did you see Sanemi leave?" you ask the two slayers.
"Yes. Shinazugawa-sama took the others and left. We were told to wait for you." Sumire exclaims. "Didn't say much but to wait until you were up to head to the Butterfly Mansion."
You nod your head. You swallow, heart aching with the realization that Sanemi had left you.
Had Sanemi regretted the night with you? Had he woke up disgusted with your actions that he didn't even wish to look at you?
No.
Sanemi wasn't like this. He didn't run from his issues. He had to go to the Butterfly Mansion with the other slayers. You wouldn't think too much into it.
But it was hard not to think too much into it, you think. The entire journey to the Butterfly Mansion had left you completely distracted by memories of the previous night and the nervousness of having to face the Wind Hashira once more.
The Butterfly Mansion was hectic, nurses scurrying around to help while Kakushi lined up to do the same. You almost felt out of place coming here. You didn't even have any scars from the attack with the demon and it appears Sumire and Roshi were alright, as well, only a bit awkward.
"Are you two alright?" you turn to the two slayers who nod, avoiding contact with the other. "The mission wasn't as deadly as we expected. The Lower Moon-"
"Lower Moon?!" Roshi and Sumire gasp in unison with wide eyes. "There was a lower moon there?" Sumire questions.
"We fought off a few demons but they weren't strong. They might have been only a few years turned."
You nod your head. "Yes." you look between the two of them. "Her demon art was…powerful. Are you sure the two of you are alright?"
You see flashes in your mind of you and Sanemi together the entirety of the night.
"Yes." Roshi's cheeks are dusty red.
"Yea." Sumire responds, as well.
You nod your head and offer the two of them a soft smile. "Okay. Good job on the mission." you tell them. "Please rest."
Your eyes watch Sumire and Hoshi scurry away and you release an exhausted sigh.
"Y/N?"
Your head snaps to the sound of your name. You bow to Shinobu who does the same.
"Are you alright? I heard your mission was successful by Shinazugawa."
You nod your head. "Yes. I returned just now." you wondered what else Sanemi had told her. "It's hectic here."
"Indeed it is. Uzui has returned with Tanjiro, Inosuke and Zenitsu. An Upper Moon was defeated."
Your eyes widen. "An Upper Moon? Are they safe?" you returned seemingly fine after your battle - if you can even call it that, the demon appeared far too weak to be considered a part of the 12 Kizuki. You couldn't imagine fighting an Upper Moon.
"Recovering. They're all fallen into coma's but we're positive they will recover."
A sigh of relief comes from your lips. "Uzui-san? Is he here?"
"Was. He left hours before you returned. He has retired as a Hashira."
You were sure your eyes were going to pop out their socket one of these days. The sudden information was hitting you at each possible angle.
"I know you've grown attached to the younger slayers. Maybe you can come visit them once everything settles down." Shinobu offers a smile. "Uzui is at his estate with his wives as if he didn't lose an eye or hand. I'm sure he'd be happy to see you."
"Huh?!" your hands clench at - yet again - another sudden information. Uzui was a Hashira, so tall and muscular and extremely skilled.
"Uzui is fine, truly. Rambling on about appearing even more flashy with an eyepatch." Shinobu giggles slightly. "How are you, Y/N? Shinazugawa was here earlier but nothing appeared to be wrong with him or the others. I assume the same goes for you?"
You swallow and nod.
"Good." Shinobu scans your appearance. You had the white haori that once belonged to Sanemi wrapped tightly around your frame. You showed no skin - which wasn't exactly alarming, but you also never appeared so awkwardly nervous.
Shinobu's eyes are beautiful, so large and deep purple. Now, however, they seemed to be looking into your soul, searching for your deepest and darkest secrets.
"I should be going now, Shinobu-san." you bow.
"Don't be a stranger, Y/N." she offers a curt wave. "I love the new glow you have to you." that tone in her voice - you feel hot with embarrassment. She was teasing you.
"CAW!"
You haven't been outside for more than five minutes before Hiyori returns.
"Oyakata-sama has sent for you!"
"Ah." you sigh deeply. "I suppose I can see what Oyakata-sama needs."
You made your journey towards the Ubuyashiki Estate, Hiyori soaring above you. It doesn't take long and upon entering you note that Oyakata has already been waiting for your appearance.
You bow in front of him. "Oyakata-sama. I have arrived."
Kagaya offers a curt smile. "Y/L Y/N. It is nice to be in your presence once more."
"The pleasure is all mine, Oyakata-sama."
You lift your head, knees remaining on the ground.
"Congratulations on returning from your mission safely. You have defeated a Lower Moon." Kagaya praises.
Your heart feels full to be praised.
"Thank you, Oyakata-sama. But please, it was nothing. Uzui-san and the others are the true remarkable ones." You still cannot fathom coming in the presence of such a remarkably strong demon.
"You also deserve praise, Y/N." Kagaya says. "You managed to defeat a Lower Moon. There's many slayers who did not have the same fate."
You nod to yourself. You suppose he was right.
"You would make an exceptional Wind Hashira if the title was not already occupied." Kagaya compliments once more. "I am content that you, my child, are a part of the Corps."
"Thank you, Oyakata-sama." you say, standing to your feet.
"Thank you, Y/N." Kagaya said, but before you could speak, he continued. "Sanemi has transformed for the better. I assume that it is your doing."
You swallow at the sound of Sanemi's name. You had yet to see him and speak about what has happened during the mission.
"I cannot take responsibility for Shinazugawa-san's credibility. He was always an amazing Hashira before me!"
Kagaya chuckles to himself lowly. "Indeed he was, my child. But behind every great man, there's a partner. A woman like yourself." Kagaya lightly pets the crow that sits beside him. His head remains straight forward, body unmoving. "Give yourself more grace, Y/N. You are free to go as you please. Thank you for speaking with me."
"Y-Yes." you inhale a response, bowing before turning away. "Thank you, Oyakata-sama."
The master's words replay in your head as you make your way to Sanemi's estate. You deserve praise, he said. You changed Sanemi for the better. Did you, though? Sanemi always appeared amazing to you - at any and everything he did. Sure he had a temper but it was never towards you. Maybe Sanemi had taken the swear the two of you made seriously.
Entering the mansion, you note just how quiet it was inside. Where was Sanemi? You knew he returned earlier in the day.
You decided to not dwell on it and bathe. You hadn't had the chance to upon waking up, only a light wash up. Witnessing the bruises and bites littering your skin causes you to flush at the memory of you and Sanemi together.
Hours had passed since you bathed and since then you had managed to cook dinner for the two of you - Sanemi's dish had sat cold. You pondered where he could possibly be - surely Oyakata-sama didn't send him on another mission.
You began to feel as if Sanemi was purposely avoiding you. As days dragged on, you had yet to see him. You continued your training alone, not witnessing any sight of him. You would eat alone without him, always setting a plate down for him that he would eat whenever he did return while you were gone.
It was only when the second week dragged on did Sanemi return, though barely. You caught a glimpse of him entering the bathroom just as you finished dinner. You waited for him to enter, and when he finally had you were left disappointed. He didn't spare you a glance, entering his bedroom and not exiting.
Weeksn dragged on and you noticed that you and Sanemi no longer attended missions together. Hiyori would come and deliver your own solo missions and you'd go - not having someone besides you had your heart yearning for company.
While Sanemi obviously ignored you, you would often visit Uzui and his wives. You'd relax at the onsen with them while not on missions, often eating dinner. Uzui was not a fool to notice the look in your eyes - you were attempting to get your mind off of a certain white haired bastard.
You visited Inosuke and Zenitsu, offering them sweets while they trained and waited for Tanjiro to wake. You remained cooking for Shinra, Genya and Muichiro when the three were free, Sanemi's place at the table untouched.
There was a shift that everyone noticed. Sanemi's attitude was going back to what it once was - abrasive and rash. The slayers had to tiptoe around him once more, not having you around as their savior.
The Hashira has since taken note that there was something wrong with you and Sanemi. Shinobu had seen more of the Wind hashira at the Butterfly Estate to heal petty wounds that he'd usually got to you for - when she asked why he was there, he had snapped at her and stated that it was "her job" to do so.
Obanai and Sanemi train together often, now more than ever. He would visit the Serpent estate to train just so he didn't have to be home - Iguro never questioned him.
Muichiro is air headed and often stuck in his own mind when he wasn't out on missions. But he recognizes a shift in your behavior. Your eyes are sadder than he remembers them and all he can think to do is do the things he liked to do - with you. He'd watch the clouds with you, not speaking unless you did. He would make origami with you, claiming that yours were trash - it caused you to laugh at his insensitive truth - and would end up gifting you one of his origami pieces.
Mitsuri's would often feed you, claiming that whenever she was down, she desired to eat delicious foods. She didn't want to ask anything of you and Sanemi's relationship, but she just hoped that whatever did happen that it would end soon.
You were grateful for everyone's attempts in changing your mood and it would be selfish to say that it didn't work. However, as the second month kicks, you realize just how foolish you feel. Your head has been far too into Sanemi and why he was ignoring you (and your own separate missions) that you ignored your own overall health.
"Y/N."
Shinobu tilts her head at you, curiosity in her eyes. Her face turns to a look of concern.
"Pregnant." you repeat her words.
Could you even be surprised? You were in the second month since the mission in Shinjuku. The last thing on your mind upon returning was a contraceptive and even when you woke up feeling less than yourself, you still couldn't accept that you were with child.
"You must think I'm so stupid." you laugh humorlessly at Shinobu, insect-like eyes watching your every move.
"Of course not!" Shinobu denies. "Why would you think such a thing?"
You inhale deeply. You thought as much because it was what you were feeling. Stupid - pregnant by Sanemi and it appeared now that he wanted nothing to do with you. Stupid for getting pregnant when your occupation was killing demons.
"Y/N. Are things with you and Shinazugawa…good?" Shinobu doesn't want to pry, but now you were with child and appeared disgusted, concerned and frightened all at once.
You swallow, throat tightening. "Yes." you murmur, an obvious lie. Everyone has noticed the shift in the relationship between the two of you and now Shinobu has an idea as to why.
"I assume Shinazugawa doesn't know." Shinobu states. "Y/N…there's ways we can go about this now. If you aren't ready I can assure you it will be painless."
You blink at Shinobu's words. You haven't thought about a moment like this happening - not even the moment between you and Sanemi. When you arrived from the mission, you desired to see him and talk about whatever relationship the two of you had. But Sanemi turned cold, ignoring your presence all together and waving you off whenever you attempted to.
"If you do wish to keep the child, I will inform Oyakata-sama of the predicament and get you off from your missions. Since you're early in the pregnancy, I'm sure you won't have to-"
"I want to terminate." you interrupt Shinobu. The Insect Hashira tries not to appear shocked by your words. She would never judge you for whatever decision you chose.
You watch Shinobu nod her head. You couldn't imagine bringing a child into the world now - not while you were a part of the Corps. It also wouldn't be fair to Sanemi. You lived in his house, after all. He had made his decision when it came to whatever relationship you had and you were now making yours.
Taisho Secret: Hiyori, Y/N's crow, began attacking Sanemi (& even his crow, Sorai) randomly out of anger because of Sanemi's sudden cold demeanor towards Y/N.
It's nightfall when you return back to Sanemi's estate and you're surprised to see him at the table eating and Sanemi appears to be just as surprised to see you. Upon returning home from his rounds, he assumed you were in bed for the night - but he was proven wrong when you strolled through the shoji doors.
Lilac eyes meet yours and Sanemi notes that there's something wrong with you. He remains silent, as do you. His heart continues to jolt in your presence, hands yearning to touch your soft skin again.
"Shinazugawa." you murmur your acknowledgment to him.
Shinazugawa.
You never called him that, Sanemi things. But he doesn't have the right to feel away about it.
"Thank you for allowing me to stay here." you begin. Sanemi drops his chopsticks, attention fully on you. "I'm grateful to have been trained by you."
Where were you going with this?
"I'll be taking my leave."
You turn away from him, Sanemi watching your figure saunter down the hall. He hears your shoji doors open but not close. There's shuffling in your room and now he decides to get up to see what you were doing.
"Where are you going?" Sanemi's heart is pounding now at the sight of you holding a bag with your belongings. It's the first time he spoke to you directly.
"I've…decided to leave."
Sanemi glances away. "Where are you going?"
You shift in your stance. "I've spoken to Oyakata-sama. I have a few missions lined up before I leave the Corps."
Sanemi's head snaps to you. He's checking your face for any sign of deceit. He doesn't find any - instead your eyes are lined with moisture. Your throat is bobbing as if attempting to not cry at the words you're speaking.
"I'm sorry that I've become a burden."
Reach out to her - Sanemi things.
Hold her.
Tell her she was never a burden.
Sanemi remains silent.
You stroll past him, your familiar scent passing him.
"You don't have to leave." Sanemi calls just as you're a foot out the door.
You don't want to leave.
Sanemi doesn't want you to leave.
Apologize to her.
Tell her how you feel.
Tell her you love her.
Sanemi's mind races with his own thoughts that he doesn't realize you're already leaving.
"Y/N-" Sanemi follows behind you, pace picking up to reach you. "Where are you going now? After you leave the Corps?"
You feel Sanemi's hand around your wrist to stop you from walking.
"Back home." you respond, unable to look at him. You made your decision to leave and going against that wouldn't be the correct decision for you.
Sanemi gulps. He releases his hand from your wrist.
"I hope you don't feel as if it was a waste of time training me. I wasn't a part of the Corps for long."
You were never a waste of his time, Sanemi wants to say, but his mind is racing and his heart is longing for you.
Why were you going back home to your father? The same man that sold you to someone - that abused you for years on end?
"Thank you, Sanemi. For everything. I must be going."
Tell her to stay.
Tell her she doesn't have to leave here - leave you.
Tell her you love her- that you pushed her away because you were disgusted with yourself.
Tell her how horrible you felt that you took advantage of her innocence.
Sanemi doesn't say anything and instead watches until your figure disappears. For the first time in years, he feels like he could shed tears at the loss of someone he loved.
The final Part to the "Cruel World" series is up - Phantasm.