Disclaimer: I don't own South Park.

"'Allo there, my good sir."

The New Kid swung around upon hearing a voice speaking to him - in a rather unusual accent.

He saw a boy standing in front of him. He appeared to be around his age, dressed in strange clothing and with a friendly smile on his face. The New Kid observed him silently. He had never seen this person around before.

"Are you the new fellow I've heard so much about?" the stranger asked.

The New Kid didn't answer.

"It's a pleasure to meet you. My name is Phillip Pirrup - but you can call me Pip."

Pip's smile widened. He was honoured to meet the newcomer of South Park. He had heard he was extremely popular - which was the complete opposite of what the friendless British kid was.

"I've heard plenty about you. You have a way of making friends with just about anyone you encounter - and those who you become acquainted with refer to you as Douchebag. A most peculiar nickname, if you don't mind me saying so, but however you wish to be addressed is fine by me, dear chap."

Pip held up his cell phone. The New Kid glanced at the screen to see it was displaying the British boy's Coonstagram page.

"What I would like to ask you, dear sir, is - would you be my friend?" Pip asked. "I have been unable to form any online friendships through my social media account. I somehow cannot encourage my classmates at school to add me to their friends lists. Perhaps you can be the first to do that if you and I were to take a selfie?

The New Kid stared. He directed the blank look on his face towards Pip. Then he slowly turned away from the blonde Brit, bent over - and farted.

BRRRRRRRRRP!

Pip let off a cry as he was suddenly blown away by the gas which the New Kid had passed. He was thrown into the air and came crashing face down onto the ground. He grunted picked himself up from where he had landed on the sidewalk - to find blood dripping from his nose from the impact.

"Oh my goodness!" Pip cried. "I cannot possibly take a selfie with you, my new friend, for I am having a nosebleed!"

The New Kid remained silent. He straightened himself up as he began to walk away. He had no intention of sticking around with Pip, let alone help him stop his nosebleed.

"Oh, you must go now?" Pip called after him. "Righto! I suppose I'll meet up with you for pleasantries later! Cheerio, Douchebag!"

The New Kid kept what he felt like saying to himself as he strode hurriedly away from Pip. If he was one for talking, he would have told the cheerful, friendly British boy what he heard a lot of from his peers in South Park.

"Shut up, Pip!"

THE END