Jane led Elizabeth into the parlour a half-hour later, walking as regally as she could in her condition. In truth, she felt dreadful, but not sufficiently ill to stay in a house where she was not wanted. She was strong when she thought she was right.
Mr Darcy looked up from a letter, while Mr and Miss Bingley looked up from a game of whist. Mr Hurst was, as usual, asleep on a sofa in a drunken stupor, while his wife seemed to be idly observing her siblings' card game.
The Netherfield party seemed shocked and confused to see Jane in their midst. They seemed to believe she would be bed-bound for days, which was close to what might have happened had Elizabeth not overheard them.
Though it was the gentlemen's obligation to begin, Jane quickly exhausted her patience and opened without preamble.
"I thank you for seeing to my needs last night and apologise for the inconvenience, Miss Bingley. We appreciate your hospitality but will be leaving now."
The Netherfield party startled and stared at her in open-mouthed astonishment.
Mr Bingley was eventually the first to respond. "That cannot be! Mr Jones was emphatic in his opinion that you should not be moved."
Jane replied calmly. "That is almost, but not quite correct, sir. He says I caught a violent cold, and that we must endeavour to get the better of it. He suggested bedrest and some draughts but is not particular about which bed. I am perfectly capable of returning to the comfort of my own with my sister's help."
Darcy said, "I understood the man to mean you should stay abed here."
Elizabeth answered somewhat more peevishly than his assertion strictly called for. "Please allow us expertise in women's matters of health and recovery. My sister and I determined her own bed is best. We are simply here to take our leave… as is polite."
Jane suspected the men did not understand why 'polite' on Lizzy's tongue sounded like a word a Viking would use to mean 'run you through', but she was in no mood to humour the lunkheads.
She added calmly, "I have naught but a cold, and am perfectly capable of moving three miles. I thank you for the generous hospitality, but we will be leaving… now."
Darcy asked, "I did not hear a carriage. May I ask how you plan to return to Longbourn?"
Jane glanced at Elizabeth, thinking it would probably be best to prevent her from biting the gentleman's head off for an ostensibly polite question, so she rather rudely spoke over whatever Elizabeth was preparing to snap.
"Our transportation is arranged. We thank you for your concern," she said, more sweetly than she felt.
Bingley said, "Please explain, Miss Bennet. You are here under my protection, so I would like to insure you are returned properly."
Elizabeth could see Jane getting ready for a very un-Jane-like setdown, so she hastened to reply, "All is arranged. We will return the way we came."
Everyone else scrunched their faces in confusion, so Elizabeth helpfully added, "I hope you do not mind, but I took the liberty of having Jane's horse saddled. It should be out front by now."
"That will do for Miss Bennet," Darcy said politely (more or less), though he obviously thought it would not do, and asked, "but how about you, Miss Elizabeth?"
Elizabeth sighed but answered politely. "As I said earlier, I shall return as I arrived."
"On foot?" he said in some exasperation.
Elizabeth, equally exasperated, replied, "As I said."
Jane thought Bingley seemed confused, but she imagined he would eventually put two and two together and realise Elizabeth must have overheard his nasty sisters… or at least he would if he even registered their improprieties. Jane was beginning to think the sisters acted as such most of the time, and it was more likely deliberate than not. She imagined the man just quit listening, much as she did with her mother and younger sisters; but with the obvious difference that their behaviour was his responsibility.
Bingley offered, "Pray, allow me the privilege of calling for my carriage, so you may return in comfort."
"I thank you for the offer, but no. I am perfectly well, and Elizabeth will not thank you for curtailing her walk."
She hoped she sounded whimsical in her reply, but the observers' faces confirmed the effort was a failure.
Bingley tried again. "Once again, I do not dispute your capability of returning in such a way, but I would prefer you return in comfort and safety."
Elizabeth snapped, "Nelly is safe enough for our parents, Mr Bingley. We will be fine."
Caroline, looking incensed at not having any part of the conversation, chimed in, "Perhaps horseback and feet are good enough for simple country folk, but pray, allow us to return you properly. Think how it would look for our party to fail to return you in a genteel fashion as our station demands."
Elizabeth and Jane stared at the lady, and even Darcy and Bingley's mouths hung open. Their astonishment was so great that Elizabeth could not even manage a comeback, while none of the supposed gentlemen seemed capable of answering her incivility at all.
Jane eyed her sister; afraid she might say something which could not be unsaid. She even took hold of Elizabeth's arm and squeezed it hard enough to leave a bruise to indicate it was her turn to close out the conversation.
Jane said in a rather cloying voice mimicking the Netherfield party, "Whose status are you worried about, Miss Bingley?"
"Ours, of course," Caroline snapped, apparently unable to help herself.
Jane replied in a voice like two stones rubbing together. "Do not make yourself uneasy, madam. Since our relatives very materially lessen our chances of marrying men of any consideration in the world… we find it best to return to our own sphere."
Everyone in the Netherfield party gulped in recognition of the phrase. Mr Darcy looked particularly chagrined, while Miss Bingley simply looked angry. Jane could see the slowly dawning realisation that if she was privy to that winner of a phrase, she was most likely privy to the rest of it.
Jane saw the moment when Caroline started looking around at the servants with an evil eye, but before she could say anything, Elizabeth beat her to the punch.
"Pray, do not go looking for servants to scapegoat, Miss Bingley. I heard the conversation from the corridor with my own ears when I came searching for my reticule… although, to be fair, I should probably warn you that your voice… ahh… carries. I suspect the stable hands heard the whole thing as well."
Jane gulped at the last, feeling it was a touch on the mean-spirited side… but not by very much.
She decided to get the miserable chore over with. "Once again, we thank you for your hospitality. I feel it is time for us to return to our relatives in trade, and you can return to yours."
She rather elegantly turned Elizabeth around, and they marched out of the parlour like two queens.