Over the years, quite the file had come to exist detailing the Gammelthorpe lad's outlandish misadventures. Yet it seemed wildly ironic that between the false fire alarm, releasing the animals from the zoo, that one episode with the dodgeballs and countless acts of harassment, his ultimate undoing came from of all possible things a fictitious yet highly detailed account of him attacking the school. Violent as it may be, at the end of the day, they were words on a paper and thus pittance when contrasted with his previous resume of mayhem.
"Oh, you're in for it now Curly." The boy muttered to himself as he sat outside the office of Principal Wartz. "Now they're all going to start picking your brain, see? All going to wonder what your problem is with St. Arnold, golden boy of Hillwood. Savior of cities and shoulder to cry on for all…and why? Because you've been too busy moping about Trash Can Day to tell the difference between a history report and something you're writing that never should have seen the light of day…"
Peering through the window, Curly drinks in the sight of his principal, teacher, parents, and some dark-haired lady in purple each look up from their respective copies of his paper. It was the latter member of this little pow-wow that intrigued him the most. Apart from a quick flash of fear in her eyes, she remained impassive while continuing to look over his folder; a deep contrast to the rest of the adults in the room whose rage and worry was all too clear…particularly that of his father who happened to shoot him a look of anger capable of melting diamonds.
(Meanwhile)
Pinned beneath the full weight of Helga, the mask is pulled off revealing none other than Yours Truly who despite entrapment grins like the proverbial cat that ate the canary. But before either of us could reply, the regulators attached to my box go off, rendering moot whatever could be said on the matter. While Helga bristled in fear and prepared herself for the worst, my already demented smile got larger and larger.
"You can clearly see why we're upset Mr. and Mrs. Gammelthorpe." Principal Wartz began. "PS 118 doesn't take threats against students lightly."
"Understood." Monica began contritely. "But I… don't know why…he keeps…"
"I'm sure it's not your fault-" Mr. Simmons began.
"Oh don't sugar coat it." Lawrence said dourly facing the principal again. "We screwed up. It's clear we screwed up somewhere…and it's not like we don't discipline him. On the contrary that kid's gonna be cleaning lint from my dryers until he gets out of grad school-"
"Right because him being your little servant at the dry-cleaners has worked so well so far!"
"Well Monica, it's not like we can be parents and actually give our kids real punishment anymore." Lawrence shot back. "In my day we got a belt to the bottom if we pulled so much as 1/8th of what Thaddeus did. We had consequences, not this smug kumbaya crap from ivory-towered know-it-alls who…"
Dr. Bliss sharply clears her throat, thus bringing Lawrence's tirade to a screeching halt. If she felt any offense to the Gammelthorpe patriarch's bloviating, she clearly didn't show it (though the sight of him realizing how far down his throat he found his foot put a Mona Lisa smile on her face).
(Back Outside)
Remorseless as he was, the bespectacled boy was far from stupid and had long since scampered back to his seat like a meerkat evading a hungry lion upon locking eyes with his irate father. But it was all in vain as he could hear Principal Warts rise from his seat followed by the door ominously creaking open.
"Care to explain yourself young man?"
Curly takes the original copy of his story from Warts' hand and seats himself within one of the few empty chairs left in the principal's office. Suddenly emboldened in the room full of adults, the corners of Curly's mouth curled upward and a small hissing giggle escapes from his mouth as he turns his face to the ceiling.
"This. Isn't. Funny." Principal Warts says gravely.
"You're right Principal Warts." He begins contritely before breaking into a goofy grin. "IT'S ACTUALY HILLARIOUS!"
Like gasoline before an open flame, four of the five adults in the room feel their already tested senses of patience collectively crumble upon the sight of Curly cackling violently. Impervious to the cacophony of angry voices and equally vociferous calls for calmness, Curly turned his head to Dr. Bliss, who like an eye of a hurricane, calmly continued to sit in her chair and once again picked up the report laying on her lap; the roadmap so to speak of how everyone involved had gotten here.
Though her talks with Helga, Dr. Bliss got a fairly good sketch when it came to the characters that happened to occupy space with her at PS 118, and Curly was no exception. Others have over the years also came to her with tales of the lad's unbridled vindictiveness and paranoia manifesting itself in the face of his alleged 'slights'. So much so to the point where Bliss had begun to wonder how/why the school hadn't all but gift-wrapped him for Tuesday/Thursday sessions. A recent session occurs to her as she rifles through Curly's disciplinary folder.
(Flashback, POV Dr. Bliss. A recent session with Helga)
["So, I heard there was some high drama this week at school-"]
["Whatever happened I didn't do it." Helga interjected defensively.]
["Of course not." I chuckle. "No, what I was saying was that some fourth graders I counsel suddenly got particularly frightened over a classmate of yours making noise about something called 'Trashcan Day'-"]
[Helga gripped her face and let out a deep, exasperated groan followed by phonemes that could be read out as 'Curly'. Before I had a chance to ask what this utterance meant she speaks.]
["Trash Can Day was this thing the fifth graders used to do where they'd stuff the fourth graders into all the garbage that sat on the curb for pickup on the first Monday of June."]
["My gosh! That's awful."]
["You said it sister…Thankfully our class was the one to stop it."]
[I could see Helga's face breaking into a deliriously lovesick smile. Knowing her for as long as I did, I could tell that the end of this 'tradition' just had to somehow involve her boyfriend Arnold. But just as quickly as her beam appeared, it vanished as she continued to clue me in on the week.]
["But that little twerp Curly suddenly got a bug up his butt to try and resurrect it!" She said icily. "Thankfully, Arnold's influence stuck with a large swath of our peers because his master plan had a snowball's chance in Hell of being carried out with the full force he had aspired for. That said though, Curly did manage to get Ludwig on his side as well as seven others in their grade riled up; enough to make this endeavor far from an idle threat. Once again, it was Arnold to the rescue by reaching out to Wolfgang hoping he'd help set those chuckleheads straight before things got out of hand."]
["I see. And does anyone have a clue what made Curly go off the deep end like that?"]
["Phoebe's theory is that this whole 'Trashcan Day' thing may have something to do with Princess gushing over social media over a dinner she and her family had with the Lopez's at Chez Pierre. But who cares? The kid's a human mine-field; a sentient version of those convoluted laser mazes in a heist scene from a movie. One wrong move with him and he just…(she blows a raspberry while throwing her arms skyward)…He's been quiet these past two days since Arnold shut everything down, but you know how it goes; only a matter of time with this kid. Something'll happen."]
(Present)
It isn't until Dr. Bliss shrilly whistles that the room truly calms down. The once cacophonous collection of grown ups turn their eyes to her. She gives her head a shake, no doubt an effort to clear her mind of the audial assault she had sat through, before handing Curly's folder back to Principal Wartz.
"Curly. I recommend that we meet after school on Tuesdays and Thursdays-"
"Who says you have to limit him to that?" Principal Wartz replied. "As of this moment, Thaddeus Gammelthorpe has been expelled from PS 118 for his blatantly insouciant acts of-"
Dr. Bliss clears her throat, once again bringing the angry administrator to heel.
"Now, as you know, I have worked previously with a student here and feel she has improved herself in leaps and bounds, and given the circumstances, I see no reason why you and I could discuss your anti-social tendencies and examine possible strategies for improvement-"
"-And if you don't start improving." Lawrence interjected. "You'd better strap yourself in for one hell of a rough ride because your mother and I are DONE playing games with you Thaddeus Joel Gammelthorpe. So, on that note, what's it going to be kid?"