A/N: I pumped this out quicker than I thought. The use is really talking. Hope you all enjoy. Don't be afraid to leave a comment.

Memory Lane Just Isn't Pleasant

"Mommy!"

Sarah yanked her head up from her phone as Callum screeched for her. It wasn't a panicked tone, but an annoyed one her boy was using. Her brow furrowed, wondering what could possibly have irritated him, "What?"

She was half off the couch when he came bopping out of the bathroom, tugging on the overall strap he was wearing. He had pushed the straps off of his arms to get his pants down to do to the bathroom but now couldn't get them back up.

Sarah tried not to laugh as he scowled at her, "I can't undo it."

She shook her head with a smile, "Why didn't you come get me when you had to go?"

She knelt unsnapping the straps before restringing them over his shoulders. She loosened the lengthening strap so he could pull them on and off at school.

Callum pouted and shrugged, "Don't know."

Sarah arched a knowing brow but refrained from commenting. He was her independent little man. He had to do everything himself first before he gave in and asked for help. It wasn't a problem if a watchful eye was kept on him – she just wished he'd ask for help a lot quicker than he did. He got himself twisted into knots when he couldn't figure out how to do something.

She bopped his nose, making him giggle as he held up his finger for her to touch. Callum kept her finger against his for a moment before they both shook like they were electrocuted. Sarah broke first, laughing as his giggles chased away his earlier frustration, "Alright go wash your hands. We're going to be late for the bus."

"Okay." Callum chirped as he hopped back into the bathroom.

Sarah moved into their kitchenette, placing his empty cereal bowl into the sink and grabbing his lunch from the fridge. She made a note to pick up more milk as she checked his backpack to make sure all his things were inside.

"Ready!" Callum shouted as he charged around the corner.

Sarah didn't bother looking up as she automatically reminded him, "Jacket."

The late Autumn weather had begun to take on a sharp chill. She wasn't about to let him run around without his warmer clothes. His footsteps pounded away again, and she smiled.

"What? No dramatic entrance this morning?" Maggie teased as Connor slipped quietly behind the nurse's station.

He smirked at her and rolled his eyes, "I prefer quiet entrances and exits, actually. Yesterday was a one-off. Maggie, right? Or should I call you Nurse Lockwood?"

"Maggie's fine. I don't stand on ceremony just as long as you remember who runs this ED." Maggie assured with a pointed look. Teasing aside, if he tried to take over with her as he had done to Will then Connor was going to find his life very difficult at Gaffney.

Connor held his hands up in quiet peace. He had had no intention of stepping on anybody's toes as quickly as he had, but yesterday couldn't be helped. He didn't abandon his patients when a new doctor arrived. He started treatment, he finished it, "Understood. You got anything for me?"

"Treatment Four." Maggie said, handing-off a tablet to him, "Patient hasn't been to the bathroom in five days. CT just came back. Looks like an obstructed bowel."

Connor barely kept from grimacing. He was the new guy. He got it, time to take his lumps, "Saving this just for me, were you?"

He pulled up the CT images on the tablet as he watched the chief nurse walk away with a puckish smile. He shook his head and scanned the ED quickly before he lost himself in the patient's file. He wouldn't admit that he was looking for a familiar swath of curly brown hair.

"Okay, be good today. Learn something fun." Sarah instructed as she and Callum neared the gates of his school, "Nana Schuler will be here to pick you up, okay?"

Callum nodded, anxious to get inside. He had spotted his friend Max and if he hurried, they could play on the swings before Mrs. Hutchinson came to get them, "Kay, Mommy."

Sarah bit back a sigh, knowing that her words had gone in one ear and out the other. She curled her finger under his chin and tilted his head up to look at her, "Be good, Bug. I love you. Now give me a hug and kiss."'

Callum collapsed against her, and she bent to swipe her lips across his cheek as he did the same to her. His mumbled, "Love you." Became lost in her coat.

She stood and watched him race towards his friends, his Paw Patrol backpack bouncing with his hurried steps. Ruefully, she tried not to feel abandoned. Her boy made friends much easier than she ever had. It wasn't until she caught his kindergarten teacher's eye that she gave a final wave and left to catch her bus to the hospital.

She would be late getting home again, but Sarah tried to reassure herself that she had a few days off soon, and then she had Thanksgiving week with her son.

Somehow, someway Sarah had forgotten about Connor as she slipped into the locker room to drop her bag off. She pulled on the white coat that denoted her status as a medical student and glided over to the nurse's desk in time to catch sight of him with a patient in Treatment Three. Her heart lurched and she nearly turned around right then and left.

Five plus years of waiting for him to reach out to her – of waiting for some response to all the messages she had sent him and now that he was here... she almost wished he wasn't. Connor looked good. He looked too good. Secured and settled in a way that he hadn't in college.

He had figured himself out somewhere in the time they had been apart and if Sarah was honest, she was a little jealous of that. She felt like she was still getting the ground under her feet, but to be fair she knew she'd soon yank that ground out from underneath him. She really didn't want to –things were fine the way they were now, but she wasn't stupid. As much as she wanted to bury her head in the sand there was no way she could hide Callum from him forever and she would rather this reveal happen on her terms.

Her stomach flipped, but that reveal wasn't happening today and it sure as hell wasn't happening now.

Sarah bit the inside of her cheek and smiled at April as she neared the station to drop off her tablet, "Busy morning?"

"Oh, not really." April answered thoughtfully as a sly smile tugged at her lips, "Looks like it may have been for you. Sit on a sticker book on the bus, Sarah?"

Sarah quirked a brow and tugged at her scrubs to get a glance at a couple of Scooby-Doo stickers stuck to the back of her pants. She muffled a snort but couldn't contain her fond smile.

Callum.

He likened being a doctor to being like a detective and every detective needed a sidekick. Carefully, she peeled the stickers off and stuck them to the back of her ID badge. "Something like that. I didn't look at the schedule, do you know who I'm reporting to today?"

"Umm, Dr. Choi, I think." April replied as she tried to peer at the calendar, "Will's coming in late."

"Dr. Choi was called upstairs. You'll be with me until he gets back."

Sarah couldn't stop the way her back stiffened at Connor's voice because this was just her luck. Luckily, April didn't seem to notice her brief hesitation. The nurse was too busy sending Connor an appraising look. She kept her expression placid as she turned to address him, "Dr. Rhodes."

"Reese." Connor returned as sent April a smile and nodded toward the devices on the counter, "Grab a tablet. We have a patient in two that needs a full workup."

Reluctantly, Sarah did as she was told, following him like a meek puppy. She was suddenly thankful she hadn't had breakfast; she was sure she'd be on the verge of losing it now. She listened with half an ear as Connor introduced them to the patient and began going through the standard intake questions. Sarah entered everything onto the pad as she observed his manner.

He was affable and patient. Funny. He had always been more of a people person than her. It still baffled her how they had ended up going on a date – she had hated him in school. Connor had been loud and obnoxious, cocky in a way that she loathed. He had taken an almost perverse pleasure in irritating the hell out of her, but he had also been kind. As much as he made her want to slap him, he had always made her feel safe.

"Alright, Reese, Mr. Michaelson has a low-grade fever, has been vomiting, and has pain in his right side. What does that tell us?" Connor asked, as he moved around to the patient's side and pulled his stethoscope out to listen to his lungs.

Sarah swallowed, "Possibly food poisoning, or the flu, or he might have appendicitis."

"Anything else?" Connor pressed.

She chewed on her cheek for a second before turning to address the patient, "Mr. Michaelson, is your throat sore?"

The older gentlemen nodded kindly at her, "A little."

"It could be strep as well," Sarah said, but she was leaning closer to food poisoning or appendicitis.

Connor nodded in approval as he added, "He has some faint wheezing in his right lung. I wouldn't rule out walking pneumonia either. So, how do you recommend narrowing it down for a diagnosis?"

"Umm, chest and abdominal x-rays to rule out pneumonia and appendicitis. A throat culture and standard blood work would rule out or confirm anything else." Sarah said as she watched Connor ask permission to lift Mr. Michaelson's shirt so he could check for tenderness. His abdomen didn't look bloated, but he did have a certain amount of discomfort as Connor pressed on his lower right side.

"April," Connor called as the nurse walked past the door.

She paused, peeking her head in, "Yes, Dr. Rhodes?"

"Reese will be collecting a throat culture and blood samples from, Mr. Michaelson. Can you get her the necessary supplies, please?" Connor asked as he pulled his patient's shirt back in place, "I'm also placing an order of x-rays in, once that's done. Can we get someone to accompany him upstairs?"

"Of course," April answered disappearing.

Sarah had already moved to the room cabinet to pull out a mouth swab kit. April would have to print up the necessary barcodes at the station, but she could get this part done at least.

"Now, I know you're in a certain amount of discomfort right now, Mr. Michaelson, but until your lab work comes back, I'm hesitant to prescribe you anything. Do you think you can hang in there for an hour or so?" Connor asked as he took the tablet from Sarah to start adding orders into the system.

Sarah knew that he was double-checking all her entries. Nervous butterflies fluttered angrily in her stomach because she suddenly couldn't remember if she had done it correctly. If he had to go in and fix everything then she was leaving for the day. She wouldn't be able to take it if he started to see her as some incapable budding doctor on top of everything else. It was a stupid worry because she knew Connor wasn't like that, but it was a worry she couldn't quite get under control.

She had nothing to worry about. Connor supervised her process quietly, speaking up only when she needed to make minor changes. It went like that for the next hour as she sat in on his consultations. She observed and he quizzed and pointed out things to look for on certain diagnoses. All the while, she hadn't missed the speculative glances he would cast her. As if she were a giant puzzle that he needed to work out. It made her uneasy. She was relieved when Dr. Choi came back, and she was carted away to assist him.

Her relief was short-lived as she sat outside for her lunch break. She had nabbed a banana and a cup of coffee from the kiosk upstairs and found a quiet spot by the planters to rest when Connor found her. He kicked a chair out across from her and eyed her tray critically, "Please tell me that's not all you're eating."

"I had a big breakfast." Sarah lied, popping a piece of banana into her mouth. He didn't need to know how closely she tracked her finances or that there hadn't been room in the budget this week for her to eat three meals a day. She had enough for a meal now and then. She'd snack the rest of the time. Callum was the one to get three square meals, "Is there something I can do for you, Dr. Rhodes?"

Connor's gaze narrowed at her formal address. They weren't in the ED, and they weren't treating a patient. He found he didn't care for the distance she was trying to create, "Don't do that, Sarah. We may not have seen each other in half a decade but let's not act like we're strangers."

Sarah swallowed uncomfortably and looked away, "Aren't we? You weren't too keen on even speaking to me last I recall."

"And whose fault it that, Sarah?" Connor countered bitingly. His sapphires turned to ice as he remembered before he sighed in frustration, "Look, you were right yesterday. We can't go back in time and change how everything went down, but I'm here now and so are you. We're going to see each other and interact with each other, and I would like to be able to do that without feeling like I'm walking through a minefield. Do you think we can do that?"

Sarah stared at him with big Bambi eyes that made him feel like he had just slapped her. It almost surprised him when she began speaking, "If you can answer me something, I'll be more than happy to pretend that yesterday was the first time I ever met you."

That wasn't exactly what he wanted. Connor had questions that only she could answer. He wasn't willing to pretend they didn't have a past, "What's the question?"

"Did you read any of the letters I sent you?" Sarah asked quietly. No matter his answer she would be hurt in some fashion. If he said yes, then he didn't care that he had a son and he wasn't the man she thought him to be. If he said no... Somehow, that option was the more terrifying for her. It gave her hope, and she didn't want to hope, but that answer would give Callum a chance to know his father.

"You mean the letter explaining to me that the reason you broke up with me was because you were pregnant and instead of talking to me about it, you decided to get an abortion? That letter? No, I didn't read it." Connor said, bitterness coating his tone, "Wasn't really in the mood. Still not."

Sarah stifled a sigh, "That's not what the letter said, and it wasn't the only one I sent you. Did you get any of them?"

"All my mail has been forwarded to another address for the last few years, with a few exceptions. If you sent me something, it's probably there. Why? What did you send me?" Connor pressed, his suspicions were aroused, but Sarah simply shook her head. He felt some of his old anger surface at her silence, "Why didn't you come to me? Why did I have to hear about your pregnancy from Alex?"

"Alex and her big mouth," Sarah muttered as she sipped at her coffee. She was stalling, she knew she was stalling, but her heart was in her throat, and she just couldn't get the words she needed to come out, "I needed time, Connor. I needed to process -"

"You processed all the way to the clinic." Connor spat, "Did you know that I followed you there?"

Sarah froze, "What?"

"I got to the airport too late. Your plane had just left the gate. So, I got on the next one." Connor explained quietly, "I wasn't going to let you go through with - with – Not without speaking to me first. It took longer than I expected to figure out where you were going. You weren't answering my calls and hadn't told Alex. I didn't have much of a plan, I was just going to wait outside until you showed. But by the time I got there you had already had your appointment. You had been crying and were pale as you slid into the taxi outside and left. And I knew I was too late again. So don't tell me that you intended to tell me about the baby or that you needed time to process, Sarah. Not when I know that's bullshit."

He stood, unable to sit still any longer. An indescribable ache cracked open in his chest, one he had thought he had fused back together with absence and time, but no – it had merely festered.

"Connor-"

"When you're ready to give me the real reason you couldn't trust me, come find me." Connor interrupted, unable to stay there any longer. Unable to look at her, it hurt too much.

Sarah watched him stride away as if the Hounds of Hell were on his heels. A stricken nausea enveloped her as some of his actions began to make more sense to her. Blocked phone calls had been one thing, but to outright refuse to see her... That had always bothered her. It wasn't a Connor move.

She choked on a wave of guilt and tossed the rest of her banana away. She had lost her appetite. She really had made a mess of it.

"Whoa, where's the fire?"

Connor blinked as he realized he had almost run over his new attending. A flush of embarrassment spread up the back of his neck as he tried to get his emotions in check.

Only Sarah could rile him like this. His father had a similar talent, but Connor mostly just wanted to get away from the old man or punch him. Sarah... she made him want to scream and shake her on one hand and on the other, hold her and never let her out of his sight. It stunned him how out of control he still was when it came to her.

"Sorry, lost in my own world," Connor murmured to Zanetti as she eyed him curiously.

"Must not be a good one. Come back to this world, I need you in OR One." Zanetti said as she passed him her patient's file, "We're doing an exploratory laparotomy to find out where this guy's bleeding from. Good chance for you to show me what you got, Rhodes."

A faint smirk crossed his lips, "I'll make sure not to disappoint."

"I'll be the judge of that." Zanetti returned slyly, passing him to get scrubbed in.

Connor didn't miss the way she checked him out as she walked away and for a minute toyed with the ramifications of sleeping with his attending. He needed the distraction. He needed to stop thinking about the curly-haired doctor-to-be he had annihilated upstairs.

As tempting as the thought was, he didn't want to do anything too rash, and right now... Well, now he'd just stay as far from Sarah as he possibly could.

"I never took you for a cartoon enthusiast, Ms. Reese."

Sarah blinked, her head popping up to meet the kindly gaze of the hospital's head psychiatrist. She had taken all the charts from the nurse's station that still needed to be updated in the system. It was busywork, but work that kept her from the buzz of the floor and away from a certain steely-eyed surgeon. She hadn't realized she had been staring blankly at the computer screen until Dr. Charles had spoken though.

Now her bewildered mind was trying to catch on to what he was talking about, "What?"

He gestured toward her ID badge and she glanced down to see the Scooby-Doo stickers she had placed there earlier, "Oh. Oh- yeah, they were stuck to my scrubs earlier. I – I just stuck 'em on my badge."

"Didn't want to throw them away?" Daniel asked lightly, but there was something about his question that seemed more than superficial.

Or maybe she was just being paranoid. She had been second-guessing herself all day, feeling like a mess of an open book – vulnerable in a way she didn't like. It was making her prickly. It took every ounce of her strength not to say something stupid just then. Instead, she shrugged, "Seemed a waste and I always liked Scooby."

"I was always partial to Shaggy myself. He was always so laidback." Daniel shared with a grin.

Sarah snorted and shook her head, "Yeah, I think being a pothead does that to you."

He didn't expect that response from her and choked on a laugh, "Well, yeah. Didn't realize they still played those old episodes. I seem to recall the smoke-filled van disappeared when my daughter was younger."

"Yeah, my Gran had recorded a bunch of episodes on her VHS player. Networks couldn't erase that." Sarah explained smiling wistfully at the old memory. She missed her grandmother. She wished the older woman was still alive. She would know what Sarah needed to do. God knows turning to her mother hadn't been an option for the past six years.

"Suppose not." Dr. Charles agreed as he tilted his head thoughtfully at her, "I have to ask is everything okay, Ms. Reese?"

Sarah arched a brow at him, not quite sure how to respond. Her go-to response was the same as everyone else's, "Yeah, I'm fine."

"I only ask because I know you had a rough day yesterday with the mass casualty. Between Dr. Rhodes's patient and Dr. Manning's, I wanted to check-in and see how you're doing. Especially since you seem to be avoiding the ED this afternoon." Dr. Charles pressed as he studied her.

Sarah kept her expression as bland as possible. She wondered if Dr. Charles was aware of how she had started to avoid doing anything that had to do with a needle. She was still struggling to find the vein on the patients, "I'm fine. Just processing. Have I done something wrong?"

"No. No." Daniel assured quickly, "You just seemed a little withdrawn today. I wanted to make sure you were alright and if you say you are -"

"I am," Sarah said firmly. She may be floundering professionally and personally right now, but she wasn't drowning yet. She'd figure things out, she just needed time. Why was it so hard to give her some time?

The psychiatrist smiled benignly, but Sarah had the feeling he was cataloging everything she was doing, "Okay. If you ever need to talk, my door's always open."

"Thank you." She said politely, unequivocally tense as Dr. Charles ambled away.

She wanted to melt into the floor... No, she wanted to go home and curl up with Callum and locked the world away. She glanced at her phone. She had an hour before she could do that, but maybe... She leaned over the counter and sought out Will's lanky form. He had taken over as her trainer as soon as Dr. Choi had clocked out.

"Dr. Halstead?"

Will looked up from his notes in a manner similar to what she had just done with Dr. Charles, "What's up, Sarah?"

She hated to ask – especially as she hadn't been here very long but, "Would it be alright if I cut out a little early today?"

Will blinked and looked at his watch. She had been here almost nine hours already, and he knew she hadn't really taken much of a lunch break. She never did. He could put a clock by her. Twenty minutes then she was back. He didn't see the harm, but that didn't mean he wouldn't needle her a little, "What? Got a hot date, Reese?"

She arched an unimpressed brow, but a faint smile – the first true one tugged at her lips, "Something like that."

"I suppose I can let it slide this once." Will said with a curious grin, "It's pretty quiet right now anyway. Doubt you'll miss anything important."

"You did not just say the 'Q' word." Maggie hissed as she brushed behind the pair, "Boy, what is wrong with you? Go outside, spin three times, and spit or something."

Sarah grinned as Will rolled his eyes, "Maggie, come on -"

"Don't come on. Go! I will not have you jinxing my ED." She pointed a stern finger outside and refused to budge until Will followed her directions. Sarah couldn't help but giggle under her breath as the tall doctor did so as dramatically as possible.

It made Maggie smile too, but her laser focus landed on Reese, "What's this about a date? You holding out on me?"

Sarah bit back a groan and shook her head, "Yes, it's a date between me and Netter most likely."

"Netter?" Maggie asked her brow furrowing. Something about the name was ringing a bell, but she didn't know what.

Natalie happened to catch the tail end of their conversation snorted and smiled sagely at Sarah, "I think you can take a break from studying for one night, Sarah. Especially if you're getting out of here a little early. Go do something fun."

Netter. The anatomy textbook. The light went on for Maggie and she gave Reese an equally reapproving look. Sarah simply shrugged, "I have to be back here early anyway. I just wanted a little time to get some chores done tonight."

And she wanted to have dinner with her son. It had been a trying couple of days as it was – it would be nice to see one face that was happy to see her. She slipped into the locker room, ignoring the exasperated sighs that followed her, and moved quickly to get her things. Out of the corner of her eye, a familiar leather jacket was hanging in a cubical.

She felt her breath hitch. He still had it. She ran her finger over the lapel, brushing over the imprinted initials underneath. It had been a hokey touch to a birthday present. Connor had lamented couples not doing the old traditional things like carving their initials into a heart on a tree anymore. Sarah had been appalled, lecturing him for an hour about what that kind of damaged that could do to a tree. She had surprised him by embossing the heart into the leather of his jacket. If he wanted something traditional like that, then he very well could carry around that token with him, she had reasoned. The smile he had given her...

Tears pricked at her eyes. She needed to go home.

Callum was glued to the television when she entered their apartment. Mrs. Schuler looked up in surprise at her when she came through the door.

"I thought you'd be late tonight, dear." Her elderly neighbor crooned softly as Sarah deposited her things and placed a small bag on the counter in the kitchenette.

Callum blinked in confusion before he followed his sitter's gaze. He lit up in surprise, "Mommy."

He was leaning against her side in a matter of seconds and Sarah welcomed his weight, "Hey Baby. I was able to wrap up early." She directed toward Mrs. Schuler before glancing down at Callum, "Did you have dinner?"

"Mmhmm." He nodded, standing on his toes to try and glimpse into the bag. He had a feeling he knew what was inside.

Mrs. Schuler did too. She quirked a small smile as Sarah moved the bag to the freezer and Callum practically vibrated in place. She stood gathering her things, "You should eat too, dear. There are some leftovers in the fridge."

"Thank you, Mrs. Schuler. You didn't need to do that." Sarah opened the door to see a plate of spaghetti and garlic bread.

Mrs. Schuler shook her head as she studied the younger woman, "Yes, I did. You're skinnier than a stick. Salad is in the back."

Sarah huffed a small laugh and nodded in thanks. She didn't know what she would do without this old woman. Her neighbor had been a gift from God when she had moved in four years ago. She never complained about Callum's cries or screams when he was an infant or even still when he had a tantrum. Sarah was sure the neighbors above and below had moved just because of how loud her boy could get, but both Mr. And Mrs. Schuler had taken a shine to Callum. Neither had grandkids of their own to dote on and he had been summarily adopted.

She walked Mrs. Schuler to the door and bid her goodnight as she tried not to give in to the insistent tugging on her shirt, "Callum, that's very rude. What do you want, Bug?"

Her son rocked on his heels as he gave her big puppy eyes. Shades of his father – Connor had pulled a similar face on her on more than one occasion. Her heart panged again. She didn't want to think about him.

"Can we look at the book now?" Callum asked hopefully.

Sarah nearly swore... She had forgotten about this request, but of course, Callum hadn't. She sighed and nodded her head, "Yeah, Bug. Let me eat first and we can get it down. What were you watching when I came in?"

"Batman!" Callum cried, rushing back to the television. He had forgotten it was still playing.

Sarah glanced at the screen, frowning as she took in the highly stylized cartoon. Batman looked different from when she was a kid. Callum allowed her maybe twenty minutes of peace as she ate on the couch with him. Snorting at some of the more adult jokes the creators had managed to slip into the show that went over her child's head. She made it through half her plate before her stomach began to protest. Mournfully, she stared at the rest... at least, she'd have something for lunch tomorrow.

"Mommy..."

"Hmm?"

"Ice cream?" Callum's voice tilted up in a quiet plea and she bit back a smile.

She played dumb, "What ice cream?"

"Mooommmmy." He whined out, not wanting to be teased.

Sarah snickered, "What? What ice cream? I didn't see any ice cream."

"In the bag!" Callum cried as he jumped, his fingers barely grasping the freezer handle.

She helped him open it, "Oh! You mean this ice cream."

She pulled down the bag and pulled out two ice cream sandwiches she had picked up from the corner market. It was a treat for him and a pick-me-up for her. She peeled open the wrapper for him and watched as he took a bite too big for him to handle, "Slow down, Bug. You'll give yourself a brain freeze."

As if to prove her point, he opened his mouth and breathed hotly out in an attempt to warm the cold food in his mouth. Sarah bit back a sigh and tried not to roll her eyes. He did this every time. Yet, the merry twinkle in his eyes and all too pleased smile that tugged at his lips was worth the bad manners.

"I hope you don't do this when you get older." She murmured, thinking of the amused horror any date would have if he did this.

"Oochk?" Callum uttered around the ice cream.

It took her a second to realize he was saying book and she nodded, "Don't speak with your mouth full. Go sit. I'll get it."

His feet pattered quickly to the couch as she slipped into the bedroom. Sarah hesitated for a moment as she stared at the brown scrapbook. She didn't want to do this tonight. The past had already slapped her in the face today, going through these photos would be like taking a dagger to the back... she had promised.

Her fingers wrapped around the dented edge. The worn cover was familiar to her touch. The corners were beginning to smoosh in a way that showed its frequent perusal. The first page would stick to the top. She could hear the scraping unpeeling already as she wandered back to her son. Callum quickly pressed into her side as she sat down. His ice cream already down to just a few bites.

Sarah pressed a chaste kiss to his crown and flipped open the book for him. He knew better than to touch the pictures when he had food. A familiar musty scent of paper entwined with the notes of chocolate and vanilla from their sandwiches, and she suddenly wanted to cry. She suppressed the urge like she had been all day as she stared at the first photo of her and Connor.

Callum stared at the familiar photo. His blues eyes tracing the lines of Connor's face over and over. He would recognize his father in his sleep with how often he did this, "Do I look like him?"

"You look exactly like him. Only smaller and younger." Sarah said softly. There was no denying who he belonged to. The only thing he seemed to have inherited from her was the soft wavy curl his hair got when she let it grow out too far.

"Do you miss him?"

Sarah felt her heart crack and a hysterical laugh bubble in her throat. She barely managed to suppress it. She didn't miss him today... and at the same time, "Yeah, I miss your daddy."

Callum looked at her, uneasy at the waver in her voice. Mommy didn't normally cry in front of him. She usually just got really sad and really quiet. She looked really sad then, "Mommy?"

"Yeah, Baby?" Sarah murmured, flipping the page to one where Connor was sitting proudly on the back of a motorcycle. She had nearly killed him when he showed up at her place with it.

Callum stayed silent, his attention back on the book, but Sarah recognized the pensive look on his face. He had a question, but didn't know if it was okay to ask, "What is it, Bug?"

Callum shrugged and reached out to flip the page again.

"Callum?"

He stayed silent a moment longer, "Does he love me?"

And the knife had just turned into a fist ripping out her heart. She smothered back the urge to squeeze the life out of her boy and prayed she wasn't about to lie to him, "Your daddy has the biggest heart in the world, Bug, and I have no doubt that it'll be filled with love for you."

"Why can't he love me now?" A petulant confused note had entered his voice and Sarah knew she'd hear it in the adult version soon enough.

"Because Mommy made a mistake." Sarah whispered, "I did something silly that made Daddy go away before he knew about you."

Callum curled further into her side, "What'd ya do?"

Lost her damn mind, Sarah thought bitterly, "I didn't trust Daddy to love me."

"Why?" He didn't understand. He was too young to understand.

She combed her hand through his hair as she murmured with absolute brutal honesty, "Because I never had someone love me before. Not real love."

"I love you," Callum stated loudly and she smiled.

"And I love you, Bug."

Connor leaned out on his balcony a glass of scotch in hand as he stared at the cloudy night sky. It had been a relief to find that Sarah was gone by the time he had left the OR. He didn't think he could have handled another run-in with her.

Hell, he had barely been able to handle it when he had heard Halstead trying to wheedle the name of Sarah's date from Natalie and Maggie. The girls had taken great delight in informing the ginger-head doctor that her date was some hot brainy type, suitable for her. He had nearly broken the pen he'd been using to sign off on paperwork.

Obviously, Sarah had moved on. It had been six years – it was stupid to think she wouldn't. It shouldn't bother him. It shouldn't.

He downed half his glass. The sweetly bitter liquid did little to muffle the ache that had chased him since lunch.

Connor hated her.

He hated her.

He should have asked Zanetti out for a drink.

Connor closed his eyes and fought against every instinct he had to go find Sarah and her date. He wanted to know who had replaced him. He wanted to know why she was here. In Chicago. Haunting him.

Unconsciously, he flipped open his phone and scrolled through his contacts. His thumb hovered over a name of a person he really didn't want to speak with and debated the wisdom of what he was about to do. He hit dial and waited.

"Hello, Connor?"

"Hey." Connor breathed as he tried to formulate the words he needed for this conversation.

"Hey... Is everything okay? You never call."

He breathed in and steeled himself for the gates he was about to open, "I'm back, Claire. I'm in Chicago."

There was a loud, long silence from his usually very opinionated big sister before she asked, "For how long?"

"Permanently. I moved back a couple weeks ago. I just started at Gaffney." Connor said succinctly, like ripping off a band-aid, "...Wanted you to know."

"Mmm." Claire hummed and he didn't know what to do with her recalcitrance, "Why do I have the feeling that this isn't the only reason you're calling?"

Connor shrugged even though she couldn't see him before taking another fortifying sip from his drink, "I've just been sorting my things and wanted to ask if you're still getting my mail?"

"That's what you wanted to ask me?"

He rolled her eyes at the note of disbelief in her voice as he drawled, "Yes, Claire."

"Yeah, Connor. I'm still your personal post office. I have a couple boxes here for you when you're ready to collect it."

That surprised him. He didn't think he accumulated that much mail, but he had started diverting most of it when he was in college. He had meant to take it back during his residency in Washington, but then he left for Saudi Arabia, and well, "Boxes? As in plural? Please tell me you threw away any junk mail."

"Yes, little brother, but you still get relevant mail. I kept anything that looked important. You have a few alumni letters, some estate stuff that you should probably review. Most of it is birthday and Christmas cards from various people and then there's your faithful pen-pal."

"Pen-pal?" Connor asked bemused but felt his heart quicken as he realized who it could be.

"Yeah... umm..." He heard shuffling and the rustling of paper, "S. Reese. She sends a letter about every month or so."

"How do you know it's a woman? Could be a man." Connor asked lightly, not wanting to give away how curious he was about those letters. He thought that she had only sent him a few, not that she was still writing to him. What the hell was going on?

"Handwriting is too nice to be a man's."

"Are you saying I have poor penmanship?" Connor taunted, just to annoy her, "You know men can have good penmanship too, Claire."

"First of all, you're left-handed and it shows when you write anything. Second, men may have used to have good penmanship, but that ship sailed with good manners. I think Grandpa was the last one to have decent handwriting...but we could settle this argument pretty quickly if I open one. I've got to admit I'm really curious about these."

Connor nearly choked as he barked out, "No. Do not open my mail."

"Just one."

"Claire."

"Fine. Spoilsport. When should I expect you to get these?"

"Soon. I'll find some time in between work and unpacking to come over." Connor answered, "I promise."

"Yeah, okay."

He heard the patented she'd-believe-it-when-she'd-see-it tone and rolled his eyes again, "I promise, Claire."

"Look, I need to go. Dad's expecting me for breakfast in the morning. You should come."

"Not a chance," Connor responded immediately and firmly. He knew this was coming. She'd be doing everything possible to throw the two of them into a room together now. This was just one more thing he could blame Sarah for, "I'll talk to you later. Good night."

"Night, Connor," Claire said softly.

And he knew he had hurt her with his refusal. There were only so many scars he could bear to reopen right now. His relationship with his dad was not one of them. He finished his glass of scotch and stepped back inside.

He could only hope tomorrow was a better day.