The Hits Just Keep Coming

They were doing an odd dance around each other.

Connor could only describe it as a dance because neither he nor Sarah outright avoided each other, but their interactions were distant, cordial, and... suffocating. No one seemed to notice the tension between the new trauma surgeon and the medical student, but then Connor noticed Sarah tended to keep to herself. Her interactions with the others in the hospital were only slightly warmer than the ones she had with him. She had never been a social butterfly, but she had never been this withdrawn either.

Sarah came to the hospital, did her work with little complaint, and went home. Or her boyfriend's home. He still hadn't figured out who she was dating. Not that he was trying to figure it out... he wasn't.

He watched her pull her coat tight around her body before hefting her bag over her shoulder. Her ID badge dangled from the corner pocket, and he caught sight of the stickers that decorated the back. That was another strange twist. Sarah could joke and tease, be utterly silly sometimes, but he had never known her to be anything but serious when it came to any aspect of her career. It wasn't the only odd touch he had witnessed either.

In the past week, he had seen her munch on a bag of Lucky Charms with Halstead- a cereal she used to despise, pull a Hot Wheels car from her pocket while sitting in with a seven-year-old patient, and look absolutely exhausted after a two-day break from the hospital. He felt like he was looking at a funhouse mirror image of someone he used to know.

"Why are you staring at Reese like that?"

Connor blinked and swiveled his gaze to see Maggie exiting the bathroom decked out in a stylish, but casual outfit. Her hair was down, and he didn't think he had ever seen her look so relaxed, "Whoa, looking good, Maggie. Gotta date?"

She smiled pleased at the attention, "Thank you and no. Natalie's baby shower."

"Oh, that's right. I had forgotten that was tonight." Connor murmured as he saw April come out looking similarly ready for a night out, "Isn't it a little weird having a baby shower at a bar?"

"Why? Because the pregnant woman can't drink, the rest of us have to suffer?" Maggie asked teasingly as Connor cracked a smile, "Don't think I didn't miss how you conveniently side-stepped my question there Dr. Rhodes."

Connor arched a brow while Maggie shook her head, "She's too young for you."

And that made Connor snort fully amused. He didn't know if he just looked old or if Sarah just looked young. No – he knew Sarah just looked young. She was only a couple years his junior. Hardly the big age gap that Maggie was picturing.

"I wouldn't worry about it, Maggie. Sarah just looked... serene? I think that's the word I'm looking for, usually, she looks exhausted when she leaves." Connor replied because it was true. Sarah did look like she was at peace but that wasn't why he had been watching her.

Like an avenging angel, she had appeared in his line of sight as he had come back from outside, frustrated and annoyed by his father shanghaiing him. It made him remember why his dad even knew he was in Chicago. His call to Claire for his mail had of course led to his sister informing their father that he was back. He still needed to get his mail.

Connor would be lying if he said that was the only reason Sarah held his attention. There were several. The other more pressing one had to do with the baby in NICU. The little boy he had found in the backpack, discarded by a mother too young to be a mother, just a little girl really. A little girl who had been abandoned herself.

Terrified and alone – what a combination that was.

He had to wonder if Sarah had been that scared when she found out about her pregnancy and if she had seen herself as alone too. She had to have known he never would have abandoned her. She had to.

"True. She had a good day." Maggie said softly with an approving smile, "She and Dr. Charles were able to help a patient everyone thought had dementia. She didn't and for the first time in a long time, she recognized her husband. So, Reese has a pretty good reason to be on cloud nine right now, but then so do you."

Connor shrugged and quirked a smile. Cornelius had ruined whatever high he had been riding, "You know what I'm going to check in on that baby. You have fun tonight, Maggie."

"Oh, I intend to," Maggie said slyly, making him laugh.

He lingered for a moment before disappearing into the locker room to grab his wallet. He wouldn't be leaving the hospital for a while yet and a vending machine dinner was in his future. It was only as he turned the corner, that he realized that Sarah hadn't left yet.

She looked up at him startled because this hadn't been their routine the last week. She came into an area; he found an excuse to leave unless there was a patient to deal with or work to pass over. If he was being completely fair, he knew that she had tried to seek him out a couple of times, but he... he just couldn't. Not with her. She bit her lip glancing away from him and he could only... stare.

"Sarah -"

"Connor -"

They started at the same time before halting to an embarrassed silence. He gestured at her to go first because he honestly didn't know what to say.

Sarah faltered for a minute before straightening with a quiet determination, "Look, Connor, we do need to talk. Really talk and I know I haven't exactly been open to that, but there is something that I need to tell you."

She broke off and Connor realized he was only standing a few inches from her. When had he moved?

"What?" He asked cautiously.

Sarah fidgeted, "Not here. Not tonight. I'm off the day after tomorrow. If you could find some time, then... It's just I had a good day and I liked to hold on to that for a little longer. Besides, I'm going to miss my bus if I stay."

"Why are you taking the bus this late?" The question fell from Connor's lips before he could stop it. Old protective instincts wouldn't settle around her.

"Because it's how I get home, Connor," Sarah said with strained patience as if this were an old argument between them.

"Take a taxi or an Uber." Connor didn't really care for either of those options, but weird people rode the bus this late and he did not like thinking about her being accosted by one.

"It's too expensive," Sarah replied swiftly crossing her arms defensively.

"Then I'll pay for one." He started, trying to pass her to get his wallet.

Sarah was having none of it, "No, thank you. I'll be fine. I do this all the time."

Connor leveled her with a glare that spoke volumes about what he thought of that statement. He pulled his phone from his pocket and tapped on the Uber app, "What's your address?"

"Not telling you." Sarah stated firmly, looking thoroughly annoyed now, "Is the day after tomorrow a good time for you? Yes, or no?"

"Take the Uber and it will be," Connor said evenly.

"I'll get a taxi." Sarah sighed with a roll of her eyes, "Joe's Café down the street, ten o'clock?"

"Fine and fine." Connor agreed, sliding his phone back into his pocket and finally snagging his wallet.

Sarah nodded and turned on her heel, sensing his dismissal and the end of their conversation. It was only as she was a few feet from the lobby door that she realized he was still behind her. She arched a brow over her shoulder at him, exasperation more than obvious as she asked, "Seriously?"

Connor merely returned her look, "Tell me you weren't planning on just getting on the bus?"

Sarah grunted and turned toward the taxi park. Her lips pursed in a soft pout.

It made him snort, "It's like you think I haven't met you."

Sarah refrained from comment as she pulled open the door to the first taxi in the queue. Connor tapped on the driver's window and handed him a hundred before she could protest, "Take the lady wherever she needs, please."

"Connor." Sarah snapped reprovingly, "That wasn't necessary."

He ignored her and stared at the driver until the man nodded in understanding. The taxi driver knew better than to get in between a lover's quarrel and that was definitely what he was witnessing now.

Satisfied that she'd get home safe, he turned to her door and held it open until she was securely inside. He bent then and eyed her, "What you want to tell me have to do with what was in those letters?"

Sarah was silent for a long moment before she sighed, "Yes."

"Why not tell me now?" Connor asked quietly.

A strange sadness crossed her features, she almost looked defeated, "Because when I tell you, you're going to be upset and angry and you'll have a million questions and I'm not ready to handle that right now. I had a good day, Connor. It's selfish, but I want to hold on to it."

He was tempted to press her to find out what was so important even after all this time. Maybe they just needed to clear the air. The faint note of pleading in her eyes kept him from asking. Connor sighed, "Sarah..."

Her mouth moved soundlessly for a moment before she looked away. Unable to hold his gaze, she whispered, "Thank you for the cab."

"Yeah," Connor scoffed with a shake of his head as he shut her door and stepped back. He was a fool.

Callum was asleep by the time Sarah got home. She had to admit the taxi made the process so much better and quicker... but she still didn't get to see her boy in time for his nighttime routine. Mrs. Schuler was straightening her kitchenette when she came around the corner, "You don't need to do that. You do enough for me as it is."

The older woman snorted, "A couple plates in a dishwasher. What work is there? How was your day, dear?"

"Good." Sarah said quietly, a small smile tinting her lips as she thought of the Donovans, "I think I'm beginning to see the benefits of working with patients."

Meredith smirked, enjoying the prideful look in her young neighbor's eyes. That spark was usually only directed at her son and not herself, "Help someone, did you?"

"Yeah..." Sarah answered softly, "What about you? How were things here?"

"Oh, same old, same old. Marty's been complaining about his reflux. Out of his medicine again." Meredith began, knowing her husband would be rolling his eyes if he were present. He hated talking about his conditions with others – loved to complain to his wife though, "We'll go to his doctor tomorrow. Callum was an angel as always, but he was a little grumpy when we picked him up from school. I think he had a bit of a tiff with that Vencilli boy. They'll hug and make up tomorrow, I'm sure of it."

"Max?" Sarah asked worriedly, "Did Callum say what happened?"

Meredith shook her head, "No, he was rather mum about it all. Of course, Marty pulls a mint from his pocket and Callum is chattering happily away about the Fall leaves and turkeys they made with tissue paper in class. He has it in his bag if you'd like to look."

She would. Sarah picked up his carelessly tossed bag and pulled his schoolwork out. A reminder notice about the upcoming Holiday Show had been sent out with instructions for the parents. Sarah groaned. She had forgotten about it – It was still three weeks away, but she'd need to make sure she wasn't placed on the schedule. Callum's birthday was next week too. He had to be born during thebusiest time of the year.

She pulled out his artwork next and smiled at the haphazardly glued tissue in a turkey kind of shape. It had gotten a little smushed in his bag, but she could tell what the effect was supposed to be. She stuck it carefully to their fridge.

"You alright, dear? You've been pretty quiet lately." Meredith asked. She was used to more questions from Sarah about Callum and how he was behaving, about how Marty was doing, and of course herself, but she had been withdrawn the last few days. Thoughtful and quiet. Callum had said mommy was sad, but he couldn't say why. To Meredith, she seemed more worried.

Sarah chewed on her lip, her fingers dragging lightly over the rough edge of the tissue. She hadn't pulled her gaze away from the dark red and orange craft. Hoarsely, she confessed, "Callum's dad is back in Chicago."

That made Meredith pause with concern. Sarah rarely ever mentioned her ex or the reasons why Callum's father wasn't in the picture, "Are you okay? Is he... you know...?"

Sarah blinked and turned her head as she realized what Meredith was trying to allude to without being insensitive, "No, no. He's not... He's a good guy. He doesn't know about Callum."

Color her surprised, Meredith blinked, because that wasn't something she expected. Sarah was so pragmatic, informing the father that he was, well, a father would have been one of the first things she'd thought the younger woman would do, "Why not?"

Why not?

Sarah puzzled over that question for years. Why didn't he know? Why hadn't he seen her when she came back to Guadalajara? Why had he blocked her number after leaving so many messages on her phone? Why had he left before his graduation ceremony? Why couldn't he read even just one letter she had sent him? He had unwittingly given her some of those answers when he had admitted to following her to Mexico City. The hurt she had unintentionally caused him... why would he speak to her? She would have blocked him out too.

"Because we were stupid." Sarah said softly, "He was leaving for his residency, and I thought figuring out what to do about my pregnancy was something I had to do alone... by the time I realized I needed him; he was gone."

"You gonna tell him?" It was less of a question and more of a directive, Meredith could only imagine the hell this whole debacle was going to raise.

Sarah nodded, "Day after tomorrow."

"But?" The older woman pressed, sensing more than nerves about a big confession coming from Sarah.

The young mother wrapped her arms tight around herself as she acknowledged some of her fears aloud, "What if he doesn't want to have anything to do with Callum? How am I going to explain tat o him? Or worse, what if he tries to take him from me?"

Meredith bit back a sigh and put the rag she had forgotten about on the counter. She didn't know what to say to Sarah to make her feel better. This wasn't a situation she had ever had to deal with before, "Are these things he would likely do?"

Sarah swallowed tightly, "I don't know. The Connor I knew six years ago? No. Not in a million years, but I've hurt him. Our breakup wasn't... It's been a long time. I've changed, I can't expect any different from him. And he has the means to do it... to take Callum. I couldn't bear it if..."

Frightened tears sprung to her dark eyes as she thought of Callum being taken from her. That little boy was her whole world. She'd crumble without him.

"Don't be getting ahead of yourself now." Meredith said softly, placing a comforting hand on her arm, "Believing the worse will do you no good. Things may go better than you think. You say he's a good man, well...Trust in that. Good men don't take children away from good mothers and you're a good mother, Sarah. That being said, don't be stupid either. You two will have a lot to figure out, but one step at a time. See how he feels about being a dad and if he wants to meet Callum first and then go from there."

Sarah sighed, knowing that Mrs. Schuler was right. There was no point in dwelling on everything that could go wrong. She had an appointment with a family attorney next week to discuss what options she had if this turned into a custody battle. She prayed to God it didn't turn to that, however. She didn't think she'd win against Connor.

Meredith didn't stay much longer for which Sarah was grateful because she was about ready to spin out. She slipped quietly into the bedroom and spied Callum splayed out in his bed. He slept like a log. She smiled softly coming to edge and brushing his hair back from his face. He didn't so much as twitch. Carefully, she curled up next to him and let his deep breaths lull her to sleep.

Connor stayed far longer than he probably should have in the hospital. He and Choi had the same thought to sit with the baby in NICU. He had become mesmerized by the boy's little fingers clenching and unclenching as he wiggled in his incubator. It had been a long time since he had thought about kids... about what could have been. He believed he had put those thoughts firmly into a locked box, not to be opened ever again - but Sarah...

Fucking Sarah.

He was never supposed to see her again.

That perpetual ache in his chest gaped. He genuinely didn't know if that pain came from not being as over Sarah as he thought he had been or from the baby that could have been because he just fucking hurt. He'd give anything to go back and do things over.

This weary sadness followed him home and he was tempted to pull out his scotch again. Instead, he used that last bit of energy to unpack a few more boxes. It seemed the cruelty of fates that it only made things worse. Of course, he would pull out his lockbox. The sight alone made his stomach drop and the keys in his pocket burn. He felt like he was possessed as he pulled out his keyring and found the small silver-toothed key that unlocked the fireproofed box. He didn't know why he was doing this, but he was a glutton for punishment.

The lockbox popped up with a load crack displaying his birth certificate, social security card, and a few photos of his mother that he refused to lose. A few other sentimental trinkets lay within, but it was the small jewelry box stuffed into the back corner that had his focus. Connor's hand trembled as he flicked open the velvet box to stare at the ring inside. Sarah's ring. It would always be her ring, no matter who he went out with or ended up marrying now. He had bought it for her. He couldn't think of giving it to someone else... He didn't know why he had kept it.

Torturing himself seemed to be the theme tonight.

Underneath the ring box lay an unopened envelope with very familiar handwriting. It was Sarah's first letter to him. Left with his roommate when he wouldn't come to the door to see her. He had meant to throw it away... The silver filigree glinted up at him mockingly, the vine design morphing into a laughing snake for a moment as the diamond winked in the dim lighting. Connor growled and snapped the small box shut. He needed to go to bed.

Claire rushed around her home while simultaneously sipping her coffee. She had five minutes before she absolutely had to get out the door. There was a board meeting at the store this afternoon which meant her father would be on site for longer than she would like. She had at least three different meetings for Black Friday preparations and meeting with the downtown location's accountants to be present for. On top of all of that, she needed to make sure the space for the Chihuly chandelier was prepped and ready for the installation on Monday. She had no time to be late.

Yet, fate had different plans.

She had just managed to slide her heeled boots on when a loud knock sounded at her door. She blinked. It wasn't her driver, he always texted when he was downstairs, and he wouldn't do that for another... three minutes. The knocking came again, just as loud and just as startling.

Who the hell would be here at seven-thirty in the morning?

Claire huffed and quickly opened the security app on her phone before rolling her eyes. She opened her door two minutes later, "I thought you were going to call first."

"Good morning to you too, Claire," Connor murmured dryly as he pushed into her lobby. She frowned at him, and he smirked, "What? You don't like having people drop by unexpectantly? Because our father seems to be a fan of it."

Claire rolled her eyes. She didn't have time for this, "You could have just answered his phone calls."

"He shouldn't be calling either." Connor muttered with a dim glare, "He shouldn't know I'm here at all."

Claire breathed unhappily out through her nose as she tried to reign in her temper. Connor wasn't the only Rhodes who could hold a grudge, but she had more experience at letting things go. Yes, she had told Cornelius that Connor was back. No, she wasn't about to apologize for it, "You need to grow up. He's our dad. He has a right to know you're home."

"He can stay as far from me as possible." Connor crossed his arms as he gazed pointedly at his sister, "And you can stop trying to force something to happen that's not going to happen."

"Are you coming over for Thanksgiving?" Claire demanded instead, trying to veer the conversation away from the pointless quibbling her brother obviously wanted and to something slightly more constructive.

"No, I'm working." He answered swiftly because he knew the next question -

"Christmas?"

"Not if Dad's here." In truth, Connor wasn't sure if he was working then either, but he really wasn't up to spending the holiday with his father.

Claire glared at him and murmured under her breath, "Unbelievable. The first time in almost twelve years that you're actually home for the holidays and you're not coming over."

"I doubt you'll miss me." Connor threw back, "Look, I'm just here to pick up my mail. Where -"

A hurt anger boiled in Claire at her brother's dismissive words. She had missed her little brother. More than the idiot realized and more than he seemed to have missed her. Biting back the caustic words on her tongue, she nodded down the hall, "On my desk in my study. Help yourself, I'm running late as it is."

"Thanks. I'll lock the door behind me." Connor murmured wandering toward her study.

Claire didn't bother to stay and watch him. She had too much to do as it was, and her driver had now sent her a second text.

Connor breathed a faint sigh of relief once he was alone. He hadn't meant to take his frustrations out on Claire. He knew she meant well... but Christ, seeing his father had annoyed him and there really was only one person who could have informed him.

It wasn't hard to find the boxes. Not nearly as big as he was picturing. Only slightly larger than a couple of shoe boxes. He popped the lids off both and realized his sister had actually sorted everything for him. He was appreciative for her anal retentiveness, it made finding Sarah's letters that much easier. His finger ran over the sharp spines of the envelopes as he quickly estimated maybe fifty letters from her all together. He pulled the first one from his back pocket and had just grabbed the edge to tear it open when his phone began to ring.

Connor scowled and checked the caller ID – it was the hospital. He didn't bother answering. He simply threw the letter in his hand into the box on the table before roughing bundling the two boxes together and heading for the door. He'd read the letters later.

"Reese, I need you in Treatment One," Will called as he headed over with the patient's file.

Sarah turned on her heel and took a deep breath. Going to the bathroom could wait a little longer, she supposed. She sidled up to Halstead just as he pushed back the curtain to the treatment room. Inside lay a little girl of no more than six. Her arm was wrapped in a cast, and she looked absolutely miserable. Her heart panged even as her mind nudged her – something about this girl was familiar.

"Hi, I'm Dr. Halstead and this is Ms. Reese, she's a medical student." Will introduced themselves to the worried mother standing next to the gurney, "You must be Mrs. Kinkaid and you must be Leah. What's going on today?"

Mrs. Kinkaid turned, and Sarah blanched. The feeling was mutual as Mrs. Kinkaid's eyes widened, "Sarah?"

"Julia, hi." Sarah stammered, feeling Will's eyes dart between the two women. Julia was head of the PTA at Callum's school and the ringleader for the Judgey Mom Club and now she knew why Leah looked familiar. She was Todd Kinkaid's big sister. Callum played with them from time to time, "What happened?"

Julia sighed and began to explain, "Leah was playing with her brothers in the backyard last week. They thought it'd be a good idea to climb that old oak tree. Anyway, John, my oldest jumped off the branch he was on and because he did it, Leah decided she could too. Well, let's just say she didn't stick the landing, hence the broken arm."

"Todd didn't try it too, did he?" Sarah asked worriedly because despite being a year younger than Leah, she knew that Todd and even Callum had a few daredevil traits. Callum had nearly given her a heart attack when he had leapt from his swing at the park two weeks ago.

"Thankfully, he wasn't able to get up into the tree." Julia answered, but gestured toward Leah, "She started scratching at her arm last night and this morning she has a fever. I couldn't get in to see her doctor, so here we are. I'm just worried something else may be wrong with her arm."

This spurred Will into action as he moved forward to inspect Leah's arm. There was a deep red crawling up to her shoulder that had to do with more than simply scratching at it. Her temperature was just over a hundred now.

"Alright Leah, can you do me a favor and stick your arm out like this?" Will asked gently as he helped her extend her arm straight. He frowned as he touched the cast, and it didn't feel as firm as it should, "Reese."

Sarah stepped forward and he nodded down at the cast, "Does this look loose to you?"

She tilted her head and noticed what looked like water stains on the back edge where the padding showed. She pointed it out to Will. He nodded, "Good eye. Leah, when you take a bath does your cast get covered with plastic?"

Julia frowned, "We saran wrap it every night before bath time, and it doesn't come off until she's in her pjs."

"It must have gotten wet at some point." Will replied as he pressed her arm to rest back against her chest, "It's lost some of its rigidity and there's evidence of saturation on both ends. She likely has an infection, but I won't be able to tell the extent until we get the cast-off. She'll need to be fitted for a new one."

"I don't understand." Julia argued, "We've taken great care to make sure her cast doesn't get wet, how -"

"Leah?" Reese spoke up abruptly and waited until the young girl focused on her, "Did you go outside during recess this week?"

Leah glanced at her mother before nodding slowly. It had rained last weekend and the schoolyard was notorious for its poor drainage. Callum had come home with a damp coat and jeans because he and his friends had purposefully gone splashing in the puddles, "Did you jump in the puddles around the schoolyard?"

Leah didn't answer, merely stared at her with large eyes. Julia gasped in realization, "Leah Marie! You were told that you needed to keep dry. What on Earth were you thinking?"

Big crocodile tears welled in the six-year-old's eyes, "I just wanted to play."

Will and Sarah both winced at the heaving sob that escaped the little girl. Will was eager to make an escape, "I'll have a tech come in to remove the cast. Depending on how long the moisture has been trapped inside, her infection may be mild enough that a new cast and some antibiotics will be enough to get her better or we may need to call the surgeon down to remove damaged tissue. In the meantime, I'm going to get her started on an IV. We should see her fever start to come down."

Julia ran a weary hand over her face and nodded, "If we need a surgeon..."

"Let's just get the cast off first." Halstead soothed, "We'll go from there. Reese, can you page ortho and have someone come down here? And who's the surgeon on-call?"

Sarah paused and felt dread well up in her stomach as she realized, "Umm Dr. Rhodes is on-call."

"Of course, he is," Will muttered under his breath and Sarah was in full agreement with that sentiment. She silently prayed that Leah didn't need a surgical consult and if she did that Sarah was in another room with another patient. This was not how she wanted Connor to discover that she was a mother and that her son was also his, "Alright, you two sit tight. We'll be back in a little bit."

Sarah sent Julia a sympathetic smile as she slid over to the nurse's station to page ortho. She hoped if she lingered long enough one of the other nurses could administer the IV. Her nerves were already at a level twelve, there was no way she'd find Leah's vein on the first go and she didn't want to jab the poor girl over and over, especially not in front of Julia. This was already turning into a waking nightmare.

It took over an hour before ortho finally arrived and by that point, Reese had been sent out for her lunch break. Will stood back as the fiberglass was cut away and the padding removed. There was a small area of necrotic tissue just above her wrist joint and he sighed, "Someone get Dr. Rhodes down here."

Julia had gone pale at the sight of her daughter's wrinkly torn skin. The blackened edges driving home how bad the damage had become, "Oh God..."

"Mrs. Kinkaid are you alright?" Will asked quietly as the woman swooned lightly.

"Why is it black? It shouldn't be black." Julia asked horrified.

Will reached a steadying hand out as he explained, "That's what we call necrotic tissue. It's dead tissue and it will need to be removed. Dr. Rhodes, our trauma surgeon will be here shortly to take a look at it. He should be able to remove that tissue and drain out the infection."

As if he knew he was being talked about, Connor strode into the room, automatically grabbing a set of gloves, "What do we got?"

"This is Leah." Will barely bit back a grimaced and nodded to the girl who was looking at her arm in morbid curiosity, "Her cast got soaked when she was playing in the puddles at school. Her skin is macerated and she has an infection. Necrotic tissue and all."

Connor grabbed a stool to get a better look at the damage, "Did you get x-rays?"

Will shook his head, "Her cast only came off a couple minutes ago."

Connor frowned at Halstead because he should know that Connor couldn't do any work without knowing the extent of the break beneath the skin. He turned his attention back to Leah, "Hi Leah, I'm going to touch your arm and I want you to tell me if it hurts a little bit or a lot, okay?"

Leah stared at him dubiously but nodded.

Connor started at the healthy skin and just lightly skimmed the skin, "That hurt?"

"...No," Leah said shyly.

He moved towards the more reddened area, and she hissed. Immediately he drew back, "Alot or a little?"

"It tingles like when I sit on my foot for a really long time," Lean said.

Connor nodded and gently went to the more damaged tissue. Leah yelped and yanked her arm away from him and he frowned apologetically at her, "I'm sorry, sweetheart. I didn't mean to hurt you that bad."

"S'okay," Leah mumbled warily.

Slowly, he held his hand out, "Can I take a look? Just a look this time, no touching. I promise."

Leah shook her head, not trusting him. She leveraged her arm back against her chest, but that worked for his purposes just as well. He could see the infection and the pocket of swelling.

Connor swiveled to face Halstead and Mrs. Kinkaid, "We need to get an x-ray of her arm. Her infection is mostly contained to one area. She has a pocket of pus just above the darker tissue that will need to be drained. She's extremely tender, but I should be able to use a local anesthetic to numb her. Mom, I'm going to need you to keep her calm when I do this."

Julia squirmed, "Wouldn't it be better to put her under?"

Connor shook his head, "I generally don't recommend it for someone this young or for a procedure such as this."

Will reluctantly nodded his agreement, "I already put in for the x-ray. They'll be waiting upstairs for you. Reese should be back from lunch. She can help get Leah admitted and moved upstairs."

Connor frowned and looked at his watch, "It's barely a quarter after. Doesn't she get an hour for lunch?"

Will snorted, "Trust me, she'll be back. I don't think she's much of a lunch person. She always says she eats a big breakfast."

Connor's frown deepened, but he didn't comment. Instead, he turned his attention back to Mrs. Kinkaid only to find her watching him curiously. He suddenly felt very much like a bug under a microscope, "Do you have a question?"

Julia blinked, "Have we met?"

Both Connor and Will stared at her before Connor shook his head, "I don't believe so, no."

Realizing how rude she was being, Julia shook her head, "I'm sorry, but you look incredibly familiar. Do you happen to have a child at Hamilton?"

"Uhh, no," Connor answered again, but she didn't let up her scrutiny. He turned a baffled stare to Will who could only shrug at him.

"You know, I swear you look just like -"

"How's Leah doing?" Reese asked breezing into the room and straight for the kid, effectively interrupting what Mrs. Kinkaid was about to say, "I brought you a treat. Is it okay if she has this, Julia?"

Sarah held up a green sucker for the other woman to see. Leah lit up at the sight and stared pleadingly at her mother. Julia faltered for a moment before nodding, "Yes, yes that's fine. Sarah, doesn't Dr. Rhodes look like Callum?"

Sarah's blood turned to ice and her heart lurched hard into her ribs. By some miracle, she forced herself to remain impassive, "I suppose. X-ray has called down, they're all set for Leah. Why don't you come with me, and I can get the paperwork started for Leah's admittance?"

"Oh sure, let me get my bag," Julia murmured.

"I'll wait for you at the nurse's station," Sarah replied, slipping away as she ignored the curious stares from both Connor and Will this time.

They trailed behind her, and she wished they'd go away.

Of course, it was Will who had to ask, "How do you know her?"

"She lives by me," Sarah answered quickly, maybe a little too quickly by the way Connor was staring at her. Narrow-eyed and suspicious. She tried not to fidget.

"Callum your boyfriend?" Connor asked lightly, unaware of the hysterical laugh that bubbled in Sarah's throat at the question.

The first time he says his son's name and it's to ask that. Sarah wanted to crawl under a rock and die. She leveled him with a dim glare, "No."

"No, that would be Netter, right?" Will teased slyly, causing Connor to arch a brow. It had taken forever to wiggle that name out of Maggie and Natalie and he had felt like a right dunce once he had.

Sarah rolled her eyes at him, "Dr. Manning's talking to you again?"

Will shuffled uncomfortable with how many at the hospital were aware of the stupid thing he had said to Natalie. He needed to find a way to apologize, some sort of peace offering, "Maggie told me. Sue me, I just wanted to know the name of the guy I might have to intimidate."

"That's sweet, I think, but unnecessary." Sarah murmured, shaking her head before noticing Julia heading her way, "I should get Julia settled and it looks like Leah's being moved now, Dr. Rhodes."

Connor looked like he wanted to press her for further information. Whether it was about what Julia said or Will, she didn't know and she didn't want to know. She just wanted to keep him and Julia Kinkaid as far apart for as long as possible. He frowned at her, but Will was already checking in with the technician at the elevator and that was his cue to follow.

Connor turned to watch her as he helped Will and the tech roll Leah's bed into the elevator. She was still by the nurse's station going over the paperwork with Mrs. Kinkaid, but it was her body language that caught his attention. Despite the professional smile pasted to her mouth, her body was tense- had been tense since she walked into Treatment One. Sarah was behaving oddly, even for Sarah.

Sarah nearly crumbled on the bus hours later, but she could feel the tightwire she had been walking still pressing into her feet. She tried to remind herself that she had a plan, that she wouldn't have to watch her every step in a few more hours. Connor would know soon. She'd tell him.

She swallowed thickly against the deepening pressure on her chest and closed her eyes. Sarah had worked it out. One step at a time. She had a thumb drive of videos of Callum over the past few years that she'd give Connor. Copies of the letters she had sent him. Even a journal she had kept – really more like a growing planner with mementos and notes stapled inside. She would hand it all to him to look through if he was interested. She knew that none of it proved paternity, but she would deal with that if Connor asked for a test.

She just had to tell him first.

She looked at her phone.

In fourteen hours.

Oh, God.

Sarah forced herself to focus on her breathing as she shuffled home. Anything to keep herself from obsessing for the night. She wasn't sure she'd get any sleep.

Callum was still awake when she pushed through the door. His hair was wet and his body was wrapped tight in a towel as he waddled quickly to her side, "Mommy!"

"Hi, Burrito Boy." Sarah chimed, feeling some of the pressure in her chest lighten at the sight of her son. Mrs. Schuler had tied the ends of the towel behind his neck, so his arms were trapped in place.

Callum giggled and spun in a circle, "Burrrittttoooo!"

She snorted and placed a steadying hand against his back when started to list a little too hard to one side, "Come on, baby. Let's get you dressed, and hair dried before you become a sideways burrito."

Mrs. Schuler grinned from the bathroom doorway as Callum waddled to the bedroom, "Good night, Callum."

"Night, Nana!" Callum cried back before the thunk of him flopping onto his bed was heard, "Mommy, do I have to go to bed?"

Mrs. Schuler snorted while Sarah rolled her eyes, "Yes."

Connor trudged out to his car, feeling exhausted. He didn't think he had stopped since he had stepped foot inside. He threw his bag over to the passenger seat and then blinked when he heard something hard collide with the other door.

He pulled his bag back to reveal the boxes he had collected earlier. He had forgotten he had left them on the seat. He stared at the dull cardboard wondering if opening those letters now was worth it. Sarah had as much told him that she was going to talk to him about it in the morning.

He drummed his fingers on the steering wheel for a moment before curiosity got the better of him and he flipped on the overhead light. They were his letters. She had sent them to him. What did it matter if he read them or not?

He pulled the one he had left on top over and tore open the envelope. Her letter fell out, but so did something else. Connor frowned as he picked up the black photo paper.

S. Reese. F 24 5/15/2009 First Trimester

His heart dropped to his stomach. What the fuck?

Connor was shaking, the paper of her letter rattling as he finally read her words to him.

Connor,

This isn't how I wanted to tell you. I'm pregnant. Seven weeks. I think it should go unsaid that it's yours, but I'm saying it anyway. It's yours.

I know you're upset with me, and you should be. I didn't handle any of this well. I'm sorry. I am. Please call me. Please let me explain. We need to at least talk about this.

I love you,

Sarah

He was going to throw up. He scrambled back to the box and pulled out the last letter sent. It was postmarked a month ago. With the same grace he had torn her first letter open, he tore this one.

Another photo was attached to the letter, but instead of looking at a black and white sonogram, he was staring at a colored picture of a little boy grinning from a swing set. Big blue eyes and dark hair. His eyes. His hair.

No. No. No.

Connor,

Callum has grown another inch. 3'5'' He's going to be taller than the rest of the kids in his Kindergarten class at this rate. He's loving school so far. Well, he's loving recess. Mrs. Hutchinson is a good teacher. She says he's very helpful in class if a little bit mischievous. I told her to give it time. Once he gets more comfortable, he'll be causing all kinds of trouble. He already has a group of friends that he's thick as thieves with – I don't think I ever made friends that easily. He's undoubtedly your son in this regard.

His front tooth is loose. I have a feeling it'll fall out soon or Callum with wiggle it out. He won't stop playing with it, no matter how much I tell him to leave it alone. This will be the first baby tooth for him to lose. He's growing up too fast. I can't believe he'll be five in a little over a month.

He's asking about you more now. I tell him what I can – what I remember. I've pretty much given up on you receiving these, but I wish you were here. I wish... I wish things were different.

-Sarah

No I love you on this one.

No please call me.

Connor didn't realize tears were streaming down his cheeks as he reread her letter. At the bottom, she had left her phone number and he realized it wasn't the same one she had had in college.

This couldn't be right. He couldn't have... He couldn't.

"Ahhh!" He cried out curling in on himself as he glared at the stack of letters still waiting for him. At the life he missed. The life he ignored. He wanted to burn them. No, he wanted a damn time machine.

The ache in his chest burst and he was consumed by an entirely new kind of hurt.

Sarah wasn't privy to any of this as she stared at her videos of Callum on her computer. She was putting a few more onto the thumb drive she planned to give Connor when her phone rang.

She didn't recognize the number, but she did recognize the area code, "Hello?"

"Tell me, this is a joke."

Sarah froze, recognizing the hoarse voice on the other end, "Connor..."

"Tell me, this is some really elaborate revenge plan. Tell me, I haven't missed the first years of my son's life."

Her eyes immediately welled with tears as she listened to him, "You read the letters."

"Sarah..." Connor begged.

"It's not a joke, Connor." She whispered, "You have a son."