A/N: This chapter is a little shorter than I intended, but I am still getting back into the swing of writing. I'll try to make the next chapter longer. Plus side, next time Connor and Callum meet! I hope you all are doing okay. Please feel free to comment. I love hearing from you! Enjoy!

Sometimes It's Just Hard

The weekend only served to remind Sarah that Callum was a product of both her and Connor. Her boy's stubborn streaked showed through in spades as he quietly sulked. He even refused a playdate with his friends Max to keep her in his sights. By the time school rolled around on Monday, Sarah was both dreading and relieved for the reprieve from her son. It had been a long time since Callum had been this needy... she wasn't used to it anymore.

Now he was glaring balefully at her as she dropped him at the school gate. His big blue eyes glimmered unhappily as his mouth tugged in a pout. She had to bite the inside of her cheek not to smile at him when he was so obviously unhappy, but God he was adorable. Sarah decided to indulge him a little as she knelt to his level and pressed a kiss between his eyes.

"Alright, Bug, Nana is gonna pick you up today, but I'll be home for dinner," Sarah said softly as his scowl deepened.

"Can't I come with you?" Callum pleaded for the hundredth time that morning.

Sarah swallowed a sigh and shook her head, "No. You're going to school and I'm going to the hospital. We both have some learning to do."

Tears began to fill his eyes, but Sarah knew this look and raised an unimpressed brow, "Callum."

"I wanna stay with you." Callum whined, but his mother wouldn't budge, "Pleaseeee."

"I know you do, but I have responsibilities and so do you. You will see me later. Now come on. Give me a hug and a kiss." Sarah cajoled as she tugged lightly on his shirt.

Callum fell against her, gripping her hard as if he held on tight enough then she wouldn't leave. She allowed it for a moment before pressing a kiss to his crown and gently untethering him from her. He whined again, only putting up a token fight as she pushed him toward the playground where his friends were already playing. The bell would ring soon, and Mrs. Hutchinson would corral the kids to go inside.

"Day will go by so fast once you start playing with your friends. You won't even notice I'm not here. Promise." Sarah murmured quietly as she stepped back, making it silently clear that he needed to go inside now. "Love you, Bug."

Callum sniffled faintly and mumbled back, "Love you, Mama."

Her heart clenched at the address, and she nearly caved there and then as she tried to figure out the logistics of them taking an additional day off. Then she saw the hesitant, almost expectant glint in her boy's eyes and realized he knew exactly what calling her mama did to her. She was torn between annoyance and outright amusement by his manipulation... Oh, he was definitely Connor's son.

"Go play, Baby. Max is waiting for you." Sarah nodded to the little boy watching them from the swing set.

Callum only pouted more before he dragged his feet toward his friend. She stayed within view of him until he became lost in a game of tag. Won't even notice she was gone indeed. Sarah smiled bittersweetly and waved to his kindergarten teacher before turning to head for the bus stop. There was a good chance she had already missed it and would need a cab but staying a few extra minutes to soothe Callum was worth it.

Sarah made it to the corner before a familiar town car pulled up alongside her. Her heart just about stopped at its sudden appearance before an even more familiar chauffeur stepped out, "Good morning, Ms. Reese."

"Sarah, Andre, please. And good morning to you too." Sarah replied somewhat unhappily, "I don't believe I called you this morning."

Andre merely smiled placidly at her, "Dr. Rhodes thought you might like a ride into work."

"I'm sure he did," Sarah responded dryly, as she scooted inside the vehicle. Connor was such a pain in the ass.

She pulled out her phone and shot off a quick text.

SR: Having your driver stalk me is completely unnecessary.

He responded quicker than she anticipated, and Sarah had to wonder if he was waiting for her text.

CR: He's not my driver. He's your driver and I told you to use him. If you won't call him then I will.

SR: Believe it or not, I am capable of getting myself to and from work.

CR: Don't care. Use the damn car service.

Sarah pursed her lips at his response, more than a little tempted to tell Andre to pull over so she could walk to the nearest bus stop.

SR: Really not the way to get me to do something that you want.

CR: Unless you want me showing up at Hamilton tomorrow morning, you'll use the service.

He should know better than to threaten her. Her nostrils flared as she quietly counted to ten before hitting call. She didn't have to wait long for him to pick up.

"Don't. Start."

"Really?" She breathed at his greeting, glaring out the window, "You're saying that to me?"

"Sarah, I don't want to fight about this."

Sarah snorted, "You've picked a hell of a way to make that happen. Did you really think I wouldn't have an issue with you -"

"No." He cut her off, "I knew you would. Sarah, you're the mother of my child. I need to know that you'll get home to him in one piece. Right now, that means you utilizing the car service, not the bus."

"The bus isn't a war zone," Sarah replied.

"The bus has all kinds of people on it, and I'd rather not risk you getting accosted by someone. Now unless you're willing to let me buy you a car..."

"No," Sarah stated soundly, she wasn't a charity case.

"Didn't think so. Then use the car service, would you, please."

She felt like a sulky teenager as she flopped back against the seat, "You're such a pain in the ass."

"Pot and kettle." Came his swift retort, "Tell me, you're getting into the car."

"Pulling into the hospital parking lot in five," Sarah murmured grudgingly as she glanced at a passing street sign.

She tried not to smirk as she heard Connor swear quietly, "You call me a pain in the ass. What was the point of this argument?"

"To let you know I'm not happy with you," Sarah answered simply. She could hear his eye roll.

"You calling the service tomorrow?"

"Maybe."

"Sarah."

"Stop issuing threats to me," Sarah said.

"Stop giving me a reason to. You calling, yes or no?"

"I said maybe." Came her cool response as she gathered her bag from her feet, she wouldn't be dictated to.

"Fine. I'm picking you up at Hamilton tomorrow."

Sarah nearly dropped her bag because she knew that tone, "Connor."

"I'm not playing this game with you. You had your chance, Sarah. I'll see you in a few."

He hung up before she could respond, and she narrowed her eyes at the phone in her hand. She knew it was futile to try calling him back. Connor wouldn't answer... but that didn't mean they wouldn't have words.

Was she being petulant?

... Maybe.

Sarah scoffed quietly as she acknowledged to herself that she may have been taking some of her frustration from the weekend out on him. As adorable as she had found some of Callum's clinging to be, it had exhausted her even more. Her nerves were frayed more than she expected and Connor being Connor wasn't helping her any. It had been a long time since anyone had attempted to protect her, let alone care for her. She wasn't used to it and didn't want it. It would make the boundary lines she wanted to draw between them blur and that... that was the last thing she needed.

The car rolled to a stop outside the hospital, and she made her escape before Andre could get his seatbelt off.

It had to be Monday.

It was the only reason Connor could find for why the universe suddenly felt the need to shit on him. He had roughly shoved aside the instinctive fear when he saw Russ. It had been a shock to his system, even more so to turn and find his sister watching the proceedings with barely concealed terror.

His shock had quickly morphed to frustration as he heard the exchange between Claire and Maggie. It would only be a matter of time before the entire hospital was aware that he was that Rhodes. Claire was still pissed at him for... well for a myriad of reasons. Then to top it off Sarah had been thrust into the trauma room to assist and learn. Sarah who was also pissed at him... he had to hand it to her – she did a good job of concealing it. Though the fact that there was a man clearly in critical condition before her had probably helped her to control that anger toward him.

Now Claire's dismissal of him was still ringing in his ears.

But you left me too

Him leaving...

Jake was right. He really needed to stop running away from his problems. All it had done was left him with a hurt sister, a son who didn't know him, and... Sarah.

Sarah who he didn't know how to classify because she checked too many boxes in his life and none of them seem to be the right one. Sarah who he was furious with, but at the same time...He didn't know. He didn't know. He didn't know.

Sarah who was currently standing in the elevator he needed, staring at him with an expression he couldn't read.

"Are you okay?" She asked lowly.

He was tempted to lie, but found himself shaking his head in answer before he could get his mouth to work, "You gonna tear into me too?"

Sarah quirked a brow at him, wondering who else had lectured him, but she had a fair idea. Connor had never said much to her about his family, but she knew it was contentious, "Tempted... but no. You want to talk about it?"

"No." He shook his head again, "Not now... Today's a mess."

His life's a mess is really what he wanted to say. Which was funny because not six weeks ago he thought he had everything figured out. He was coming home. He had a great job. He had a plan to work on his relationship with his sister. Maybe even mend fences with his dad or tell him to fuck off completely, and all of that had been thrown out the window the moment Sarah's voice had hit his ears in the ED.

"You'll save him," Sarah said so confidently that he blinked at her.

Russ... Russ was a mess, and Connor didn't want to admit that he was scared that he might not be able to remove that glass from his friend's chest and have him survive. Despite what he told Claire, despite the fact that Russ was stable for the moment, he was more aware than anyone of how much could potentially go wrong. And of course, Sarah had clocked onto that fear. She always did have a knack for knowing what unsettled him.

"You sound sure," Connor murmured.

Sarah shrugged, "I know you. You're too stubborn and too good at your job to have this go any other way."

A smile flickered across his lips before he could stop it, "You couldn't sound more annoyed if you tried."

"Yeah, well, I'm still annoyed with you," Sarah replied, though an answering smile twitched at her lips as well.

"Sarah..." He said wearily. Just when he was feeling a little better too.

"We're not doing this right now." Sarah said gently, giving him a pointed look, "You have bigger concerns... but we do need to talk when you have more time. And not just about the car thing."

Connor stilled as the full weight of his focus fell on her, "Callum?"

Sarah nodded.

"Is he okay? Did something happen?" A million different scenarios began to play in his head before he reminded himself that it couldn't be too serious if Sarah was standing so calmly next to him.

She held up a placating hand, "He's fine, Connor. There's just a few things we need to talk about, and it'll take longer than ten minutes to do so. Focus on saving your friend right now. Then we'll talk, okay?"

He mulled for a second, unsure if he wanted to press her or not, but Sarah was resolute, "Okay."

In truth, he wasn't ready for a Callum conversation just then. It dawned on him that he needed to tell Claire and his father that there was a new member of their family, but today was not the day to have that conversation. Hell, he didn't even want to broach that topic until he had a chance to get to know his son.

The elevator finally dinged for the floor he needed, but not for her, he noticed as he stepped for the door. He glanced back at her, "Sarah?"

The ED was just around the corner. He didn't know where else she could be going. She looked physically pained and he nearly doubled back when Sarah uttered, "I'll call the service."

Connor didn't have to ask what service as his palm unconsciously snapped out to keep the elevator door open, "Tonight to take you home?"

Sarah's lips thinned, but she nodded.

"And tomorrow?" He pressed, unwilling to give her an opening that she could wriggle through.

Sarah rolled her eyes, but nodded again, "I'll start calling it. Just don't call it for me. At least not without telling me. You have no idea how unsettling it was to have an unmarked black car pull up alongside me just outside our son's school."

Yeah, okay, he could see why that would have put her in a temper. He still wasn't going to apologize for it though. He could have had Andre waiting outside their apartment. He had that address now, but he didn't want Sarah to know that yet, "Okay, fair. You coming?"

Sarah shook her head, "I have to go down to the lab for some results."

Connor let go of the door and stepped back, "I'll find you later then."

"Yeah." Sarah agreed just a door slid shut again.

Maggie sighed as she finished her charting and passed the tablet in hand to another doctor. She hadn't stopped since the morning trauma. She'd kill for a sandwich or even a candy bar at this point. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Will chase after Natalie again and tried not to shake her head. That boy did not know when to give up.

"I have the lab results for Mr. Davenport in three and Ms. Jacobi in four." Papers flopped to the desk before Maggie, and she raised a brow. Sarah hadn't taken a break either. She had pretty much been going since she arrived.

It wasn't surprising. Sarah was a dedicated student, but her dedication sometimes made Maggie worry. She pulled the files behind the desk as she studied the younger woman, "Have you gotten lunch yet?"

"I'll grab something in a little bit," Sarah answered dismissively as she moved to help Maggie chart the additional information. At least she was until her hand got slapped away. She turned a startled gaze up to the head nurse and Maggie leveled her with a stern look.

"Go eat," Maggie ordered.

Sarah made a face and fidgeted, "Dr. Zanetti's in the cafeteria."

Maggie had to fight not to smile even as a well of sympathy swarmed her. The brief interaction the two had in the trauma room had left a bad taste in her mouth, but she had been a nurse in the hospital long enough to know when to step in for the students and when to step back. Sarah hadn't needed any more attention drawn to her and Dr. Rhodes had done an admirable job of brushing past the dust-up and giving Sarah another chance at helping the patient.

"Dr. Zanetti is a bit brusque, but she's not the creature from the lagoon." Maggie said, "You didn't do anything wrong, you know."

Sarah shrugged, a hint of uncertainty glinting in her gaze, "I've never been good with people. I'm better at the science... the math."

Her answer made Maggie frown because she had seen Sarah with many patients and the girl did better than she thought. Yes, Sarah could be awkward, but she was also unexpectedly charming, "You don't give yourself enough credit. You're doing great, Reese."

"Really? Because I feel like I'm making mistake after mistake." Sarah murmured somewhat bitterly.

"Yeah, that's called learning." Maggie returned unable to hide her amusement, "You can't be a perfectionist right off the bat with this job. Mistakes are going to happen. Besides, it's better that you make them now when you have people here to catch you than when you're flying more solo."

Yet, Maggie could see her words hadn't made the impact that she had hoped when Sarah merely smiled politely. She tilted her head in mild exasperation, but nudged her toward the hall, "Go eat. I promise Zanetti won't eat you."

That made the young med student laugh, "What about you? Do you need anything?"

Maggie was about to deny her request when her stomach betrayed her and she sheepishly asked, "Can you bring me a cookie? Or a power bar?"

Sarah grinned and nodded, "Sure."

Maggie watched the younger woman drift in the direction of the hospital cafeteria for a moment before shaking her head. Reese just needed a confidence boost. She silently began to work on that puzzle before turning back to her charts as another nurse came back from room six with an order update.

Sarah didn't intend to stay too long in the nearly empty cafeteria. Lunch had come and gone for most of the staff, but there were still a few stragglers like herself. She swiftly collected a banana and a cookie from the counter before feeling a familiar presence at her back. She was surprised he was down here.

"That can't be all that you're eating," Connor murmured unhappily.

"Cookie's for Maggie," Sarah answered as she debated about grabbing another coffee. His stare burned her skin and she turned to give him a guileless look, "What? I had a big breakfast."

Connor had heard that excuse before and he didn't believe it anymore then than he did now. He plopped a premade chicken salad onto her tray and grabbed a sandwich for himself before snaking her tray away from her and heading for the cashier. Sarah sputtered unhappily behind him as she tried to protest.

"Connor..." Sarah smiled uncomfortably at the curious cashier before turning a mild glare to the surgeon, "You don't -"

Connor handed over his card and merely arched a brow at her as he silently made it clear she was going to be ignored no matter what she said.

"Such a pain." Sarah grumbled, but followed him to an empty table, "Thank you... it was unnecessary though."

"That's debatable," Connor said, but Sarah noticed he didn't look quite as haggard as he had earlier in the elevator. There was a determined gleam in his blue eyes. She was looking at Connor who knew what he was doing.

She tilted her head curiously, "You figured out how to save your friend."

Connor blinked and felt a smile briefly pull at his mouth, "We have a plan. I was able to get better imagery of where the damage is... He'll be okay. Prep is going to take some time, so I have a bit before I need to get back upstairs."

And that was her cue. She could see the hungry question in his gaze and tried to stifle a sigh, "So... I spoke to Callum about Friday. He knows you're here and that you want to meet him."

"Okay..." Connor drawled as he tried to control the anxious jolt that mixed with a glint of excitement, because he could see Sarah's discomfort and already knew this wouldn't be a fun conversation, "Tell me that we're not postponing this, or I really will come to Hamilton tomorrow morning."

Sarah shifted and huffed, "We're not -"

"What happened?" Connor asked staunchly.

His arms crossed and he leaned back in his chair, staring at her in a way that made her want to smack him. Sarah bit her tongue. He was going on the defensive already and that wasn't what she wanted. She needed understanding Connor, not itching for a fight Connor, "He's scared. Not of you, but what you being here means."

A muscle in Connor's jaw twitched and he took a deep breath, "Sarah, what happened?"

She sighed, "When I picked him up on Friday, he asked why Andre was driving us around. I told him that Daddy asked him to and that you wanted to meet him. He got quiet – he withdrew." A sad, disappointed glint crossed Connor's face and Sarah ached, "I got him to open up a little before bed. He's scared that I'm sending him away, Connor. He wants to meet you, but he thinks that meeting you means I'm leaving now. He wouldn't let me out of his sight all weekend. Getting him to school was a battle this morning."

Connor processed that for a moment because he really didn't know how to respond. Sarah had told him that this would be a big deal for Callum, but he didn't expect... Well, he didn't know what to expect, "I'm not taking him, Sarah."

"I know that," Sarah said, not acknowledging that if he so much as tried to take their son away from her that she'd kill him. She wasn't about to let that happen, "We need Callum to understand that. Look, I told him that we're meeting you. It's happening, but I also told him that if he doesn't want to stay - that if he wants to go home then we will go home, and I need you to be okay with that if it happens. I don't want this to be harder on him than it already is."

Connor wanted to balk. Why was this so difficult? Meeting his son shouldn't be... Meeting his son should have happened years ago.

"Should I come to your place then?" Connor asked quietly, "That way he's somewhere familiar."

Sarah mulled that thought over. It was tempting, but she wasn't sure she was ready for Connor to see their apartment yet. He was already pushing into aspects of her life she hadn't counted on; she really didn't want him invading anything else just yet, "...No. There's a park we like to go to. I think that would be better. That way his home can just feel like his home if he needs it to."

"Okay." Connor murmured, "What time?"

"Would 10:00 be okay?" Sarah asked as she mentally calculated the time it would take to get them both ready and out the door, "If it goes well then there's a diner down the street, we can grab lunch at."

Connor nodded, wishing the week was over already, "That's fine."

"Connor, he's just nervous." Sarah tried to soothe because she was now staring at an older version of the pout that she had received from Callum that morning. It was almost eerie how similar the two were.

His blue eyes glinted unhappily at her, "He shouldn't be nervous of me or scared. He shouldn't think I'm going to take him away from his mother...I hate this."

"Connor..." Sarah sighed.

He tossed the wrapper from his sandwich onto the tray and stood, "I need to get upstairs."

Sarah could only watch as he fled.

"He doesn't think you're going to take him. He thinks I'm going to leave." Sarah whispered to herself.

She didn't know how to make this easier for them... but it wasn't her job to protect Connor right now. She needed to protect her son and if that meant causing Connor pain – God, she hated this too.

He should be riding on a high right now.

The surgery was a success. Russell was going to be okay. And as a bonus, he had gotten to snub his father in the process of giving Claire the good news. It was petty, but Connor wasn't feeling particularly mature, and he really was trying to find the silver lining in the day. Mostly, he just wanted to forget for a while. Between his family and Sarah, he was twisted into a blanket of frustrating knots. Knots that wouldn't be untangled anytime soon, not that he didn't try.

It was why he had followed Zanetti out of the hospital after hearing Sarah's tinkling laugh from an ED room. He couldn't have run from that bittersweet sound faster if he tried. It was why he had downed a drink more than he had intended at Molly's. He was supposed to be celebrating, not dwelling on how his son was going to react to his presence. He couldn't control that – had no clue had to make it better. It was why he had ended up in bed with his attending, unconsciously comparing her soft curves to the supple leanness of his ex-girlfriend and silently hating himself for it.

The wrong shade of brown had watched him. Not dark enough. Not warm enough.

The wrong name had tainted his tongue. He had only just managed to utter Sam instead of Sarah.

The hair he was playing with was too straight and too blonde as he tried to control the itch to get up and leave. He wasn't that much of an asshole to slip away in the night. Sam was already asleep, curled up on his chest like a trusting kitten. She was under no illusions that this was anything more than just sex. A release. He wasn't about to enter into a relationship with someone who only showed her interest once she learned what family he belonged to – that wasn't happening.

Sarah should be in her place. He should see the glint of a wedding band on his finger as he teased the ends of her hair. His son should be down the hall in his bedroom. His life should be different, and he was having a hell of a time letting that go.

His chosen distraction had only proven to be more of a reminder of what had changed. Connor scowled tiredly up at the ceiling.

Callum.

He hadn't even met this little boy yet and already he was turning Connor's world upside down. A wistful smirk crossed his features. Definitely his son.

He really wanted to meet him.

Slowly, Connor drifted off puzzling over how much everything was still going to change.

Sarah leaned against the threshold of the bedroom as she watched Callum sleep. Quietly, she pondered the irony of how much of her day had ended the way it started.

Andre had been at the hospital to take her home. She had been mildly surprised not to find Connor loitering somewhere in the background, considering how intent he was on her not using the bus anymore. She knew he didn't exactly trust her to call the service on her own... but she had. She kept her word.

It was going to take some getting used to... Sarah just didn't know how she felt about having a driver at her disposal. It was weird.

It was nice, she admitted to herself, to get home thirty minutes quicker than she normally did. Not having a million stops between home and the hospital really made a difference. It also gave her a chance to spend that much more time with Callum. She hadn't missed the way his eyes had lit with relief when she walked through the door.

His excited chatter had been a balm to a trying day, but his mulish streak had risen its head as he fought bedtime. Callum hadn't gone down easy, and she was all the more tired for it. Sarah almost wished she had taken Connor up on his desire to meet their son sooner. She needed to ease these fears of her boy.

Sarah moved quietly to his bed and smoothed the hair from his head, "You're already so much like your father and you don't even know it yet."

She hoped Connor was prepared for the ball of stubbornness that was about to come his way.