The fog cleared slowly. It didn't happen all in one day, as Mrs. Crane said it would, but in small moments from one day to the next. One day the baby cried, and Philip was at work and Mrs. Crane was not nearby, so Marina got out of bed and picked her up herself, and the baby cooed to see her, and Marina felt a smile creep across her face at the sound. She felt like she hadn't smiled in months, and the baby smiled back at her.
A few days later she sat up in the morning to see Philip seated in the rocking chair, humming tunelessly to the baby. The weak morning sun made the dark circles under his eyes stand out, but he was smiling at the baby so lovingly that Marina felt an ache in her chest, and then she was smiling, just to feel again.
Philip looked up and noticed her smiling, and he smiled gently at her too, and Marina began to feel that it would pass, that she would be herself again.
"Do you want to hold her?" he asked her, and she nodded. He handed the baby to Marina and her eye caught on the dark scar on his left hand where she had bitten him. She remembered the things she had said to him, how cruel she had been to him.
"What I said, while I was in labor…" He looked at her blankly, and she sighed. This was supposed to be the part where he told her he understood - she didn't need to say anything, that it was all forgiven. But of course, Philip waited for her to explain herself. "I didn't really mean those things. I was in a lot of pain, and worried for the baby, and... what I mean to say is, I'm sorry."
"It's alright," he said, though he did take a step back, perhaps reminded of the violence she had done to him that day. "I'm glad you didn't mean it."
Marina looked down at her baby and smiled. "Did he really think I hated him?" she whispered and laughed softly.
"Have you decided on a name for her?" he asked.
"Celeste. It was my grandmother's name."
"Celeste." He came closer and rubbed his finger down Celeste's cheek, and then seemed to realize how close he was to Marina and moved away again. He cleared his throat. "Very good. I should prepare for work – will you be alright with her for the morning?"
Marina looked at Celeste, and saw her mouth puckering up and she knew she would wake soon, and she would be hungry, and Marina would feed her, and she would love her. "Yes. I will be alright."
Philip started leaving her all morning with Celeste, coming back to check on them at lunch. He wouldn't say outright that he was checking on her, but Marina knew he was worried about Celeste, and she didn't blame him. If he had not been so careful in the first few weeks, Marina might have lost Celeste. Knowing that scared her, and every day she fell more in love with Celeste and the thought of losing her scared Marina even more.
Harriet came by twice a week and helped with laundry, and carried Celeste around. Marina was glad to have her – Harriet knew a lot about babies, having helped her mother with her siblings. She bounced Celeste on her shoulder, and showed Marina how she wasn't made of glass. "Babies like a little manhandling," she said, massaging Celeste's back as she rocked her on her lap. "Isn't that right?"
Celeste gurgled and reached for one of Harriet's braids, but the young woman swung her hair away just in time. "She's a strong one isn't she?"
"Mm."
"And no twin?" Harriet sighed. "I'm not usually wrong about these things…"
Marina laughed. "I'll tell you the truth Harriet, but you can not tell anyone else, alright?"
Harriet nodded, her eyes wide.
Marina leaned close and said quietly, "Celeste was conceived a little earlier than our wedding," she admitted. Harriet blushed and Marina smiled. She could admit this much – it was true, and for all Harriet knew, Celeste was still Philip's daughter. They wouldn't be the first couple to get married because of an early indiscretion.
Harriet snapped her fingers. "I see! So I'm not losing my touch!"
Marina laughed. This was why she liked Harriet – she knew what was important.
When Philip returned from work he would always go straight to Celeste and pick her up if she was awake. Marina was happy to let him take over from her – she loved Celeste, but she still got tired after spending all day with her. Taking care of a baby was hard work. Celeste was a happy baby most of the time, but she really lit up when she was in Philip's arms. Marina was a little jealous.
"I have to make a trip to London next week."
Marina looked up from her sewing. Philip tore his gaze away from Celeste long enough to meet her eyes for a brief moment, before he dropped his eyes again.
"Oh? For Mrs. Patterson?"
He nodded. "The court date is set, and I am to be there for counsel. While I am gone, I wondered if you would want to move in to the estate with my mother?"
"So soon?"
"I will help you before I go."
"I'm just not sure Celeste would like it. She has never been anywhere but here," Marina said. She didn't say how unprepared she was herself. She had become comfortable in this house, comfortable with Philip even, and their routine. "I think it wouldn't look good either, for me to move out so soon after the baby is born."
"I just thought, while I am gone, you might not want to be alone here."
She blushed as she realized he hadn't meant for her to move out completely – he was only talking about her staying with Mrs. Crane while he was in London. "Oh! Yes, I suppose."
"We could ask mother to stay with you here…" he mused, but he didn't seem very enthusiastic about the idea.
"No, I think you are right. It might be nice for Celeste to spend some time in the countryside."
"Yes? Yes, alright." Philip looked a bit confused by her sudden change of heart, but he went along with her.
"How long will you be gone this time?" she asked.
"I am not certain. It will depend on the judge's ruling." He tickled Celeste under the chin as he spoke, and she burbled happily at him.
"Celeste will miss you."
"And I will miss her too," he said in a sing-song voice to the little girl. Celeste reached up and grabbed hold of his nostril and he winced and carefully extracted himself from her grasp. "You have a strong grip like your mother."
"And her father," Marina said.
"Yes…" Philip looked into Celeste's eyes, and he smiled sadly. "Marina, I know we have not spoken of it in a long time, but have you decided what you will tell Celeste? About her father?"
Marina felt a sharp tug at her heart. She hadn't given it much thought since Philip had first brought it up when they married. When the baby was in her womb she had told her all about her father, his bravery, his wit. She had not thought it would be so different, now that Celeste was in the world. She hadn't expected Philip to bond so strongly with her.
"You still have time," Philip said, when she didn't respond. "Before she will understand." He handed Celeste back into Marina's arms. "I will go wash up for dinner."
Marina watched him leave the room, her heart torn. She didn't want to deny Philip the love that he clearly felt for Celeste, but she didn't want to lie to her daughter. She didn't want to deny the existence of her love with George. It felt like a betrayal. She looked down at Celeste, who had a little frown on her face, and smoothed her brow with a fingertip. "Let's not worry about that today shall we? Let's pack up for a trip to Grandmama's yes?"