Disclaimer: I don't own the Hangover or its characters.

*dot*

Jess could tell by the guy's body language that nothing was finished when she left the table. Watching Phil and Stu, she turned to see Alan adjusting the baby strap to hold up the small child against his chest. Phil lightly pulled her in their direction toward the exit.

"You okay?" he asked straightening his shirt as she tucked a stray hair away. There was worry in his face, same as hers, but a firmness that the others saw in his behavior. Laughing quietly, she shook her head as he rustled her hair a bit before turning toward Stu and Alan fully.

Stu was making comments about Alan carrying the baby who was watching in disbelief.

"So, uh, are you sure you're qualified to be taking care of a baby? I mean Jess could carry him—"

"Are you suggesting that Jess have a baby with me?" asked Alan, lowering his sunglasses as if to chastise Stu's words.

"I… uh… I… uh…" he stammered not realizing his words, but a moment later his eyes widened once it hit him. "Oh."

"You'll make excellent babies with the right man in the future," he chimed in, his eyes darting from each person around him.

"Jess wouldn't carry a baby that is mine, because he'd be in the fanciest carriage of like any baby in the world!" stammered Alan waving his arms a moment in a quite grand way. She felt her jaw drop as the entire conversation and the other two simply stared at one another holding in a laugh.

"Alan, that's really gross!" plead Stu trying to hold his mouth shut. "I don't think she needs to be thinking about being a mother yet. She's only just turned eighteen last month."

"How would you know?" questioned Alan looking between Phil and Stu, his eyes getting big. The two smiled for once being able to one-up him. Phil let out a soft sigh as he cupped the bearded child's shoulder.

"Because we've known her for years bud," stated Phil with a firm smile to not suggest anything else in between his phrasing. Jess looked at him closely hoping to end their talking, but Alan just kept asking questions aimed at Phil about her past.

"Because you're a teacher?"

"Because I am her teacher," confirmed Phil grinning, a hint of sparkle in his eyes. Alan paused for a moment before raising his hand to his chin and pointing at Jess.

"What?" she asked trying to figure out what he needed confirming. "Alan, Phil is my teacher yes."

"I've seen pornos with teachers and students," he said quite seriously in a matter-of-fact tone.

The three people surrounding Alan gulped and Jess felt her head tilt forward in shame because of course that was what Alan would watch. She looked over at Phil and saw him nervously smiling, both being afraid of revealing what they really did, while Stu stated that they would never do that. Phil took notice that she was watching them and shook his head somewhat trying to muster the courage to speak.

"And he puts his penis—" interrupted Alan in their trains of thought. Phil let out a tense laugh as Stu just stopped and walked a few feet away clenching his fists. Jess wanted to throw up as she followed Stu toward the main lobby. There was no way in hell… She was a teenager, well young adult, after all, but Jess could admit to thinking what it would feel like with Phil. She had done that before, so she wasn't a virgin, but the boys her age didn't know what the hell they were doing and never seemed to make her orgasm as she would want. Always their satisfaction, before hers. Phil had said, as did Stu, that a women should get the pleasure first, which meant that Stu never got any, because Melissa and him never did anything. Jess felt a little sad at that but she knew of Phil's skills after allowing his hands to roam the ends of her skirt several nights after school when they would leave together much after other staff had left. Those were some of the best nights, she remembered fondly.

"Alan, please stop talking and that kid is heavy. I'm not carry him," she stated pointing at the child on Alan.

"No he isn't. And what? I've found a baby before," answered Alan, ignoring her earlier request. Stu turned looking at him confused as was Jess.

"Come again, Alan? Where?"

"Coffee Bean."

Finally, Jess handed over the valet ticket to get their car and looked over seeing several workers pulling a mattress from a statue. Alan and Phil were arguing about the car and its condition, while Stu hung his head.

"Hey, Phil? I don't think Doug would want us to take the Mercedes," said Alan "My dad is crazy about this car. He left Doug in charge…"

"Alan, we got bigger problems. Doug could be in the hospital; he could be hurt. Jess is probably hungry— Let's worry about the car later!" finished Phil.

"Uh, guys? Check it out," said Jess pointing at the workers. They were pulling a white King-sized mattress that had impaled itself onto a statue. That was impossible surely. Phil tapped a Caesar's employee on the arm and asked him what was going on.

"Some asshole threw his bed out the window last night. Some guys just can't handle Vegas," he answered. Jess walked with horror on her face as the workers struggled to remove the mattress. Turning to face the others, she saw each of their faces become pale.

"How the hell did we manage that?" questioned Jess as the valet pulled up.

"OH, GOD!" Stu muttered, covering his mouth seeing what the valet brought up to them. Jess took a step closer to Stu and they shared a concerned look. Phil looked over at everyone motioning for them to follow.

"Alright, everybody act cool. Alright, don't say a word," he ordered. "Come on, let's just get in and go. Come on!" Jess smiled at the valet as he opened the back door of the police cruiser for her. Just as Alan walked forward, Stu swung open the door hitting the baby in the face. The poor little man cried out loudly.

"Are my glasses okay?" asked Alan feverishly without concern of the infant on his stomach.

"Your glasses are fine, dick!" replied Stu wanting to hit Alan again but the baby was in the way. Alan slipped in the back seat with Jess and the two of them buckled the baby into the seat.

"If we get pulled over, we are fucked," mumbled Jess pulling her seatbelt on.

"We're already in a cop car, so we've skipped a step," stated Phil like it was no big deal.

"Phil, you could lose your job!" Jess stated harshly crossing her arms in defiance.

"Are you kidding me? I fucking hate my job! Damn brats. Minus you, all I hear is whinnying children. Like, hell no! I was never like that. And the females, my God did they have to make the skirts so long!" Phil pushed himself into his seat again as they waited for the traffic to let up.

"There's a reason for that you know," Jess said giving him a sarcastic look. In the next car over, there was a little boy pointing at her laughing.

"Jess did you finish your homework?" Phil asked a moment later out of boredom. Letting out a strong laugh, she looked at him with a grin. Surely, he was joking.

"I partied with my brother and his friends, got drunk, kidnapping a baby and wearing my teacher's shirt…. So, no, I haven't." Phil smirked in the rear-view mirror at her.

"I wouldn't believe it if you told me in class!" he laughed changing lanes.

"Neither will anyone else—" muttered Jess bringing her knees up to her chin.

"This is so illegal!" said Stu after a while. Looking over at Stu, Phil frown at him without care.

"Can't you see the fun part in anything?"

"Yeah, we're stuck in traffic in a stolen police car, with a missing child in the back seat, and a teenager that was given alcoholic beverages."

Phil smiled at that as Alan peeped up. "I think the cop car part's pretty cool."

"Thank you, Alan," smiled Phil. "It is cool. Doug would love it."

Suddenly Phil grabbed for the speaker from the dashboard and began to make his way for the sidewalk. While Stu began begging for Phil to stop, the other man continued like nothing mattered. "Attention! Attention, please. Move out of the way. I repeat, please disperse!"

"What the fuck Phil!" shouted Jess hitting his arm. "Phil stop!"

"Phil, stop the car, I want out. Stop the car! I want out. Pull over!" insisted Stu pointing at the sidewalk. But Phil didn't hear him. Instead, his attention went to a woman passing them.

"Ma'am in the leopard dress, you have an amazing rack!" Jess looked at Phil pushing herself back into the seat. She could not believe she just witnessed that. Phil was being a major asshole!

"I should have been a fucking cop!" Phil exclaimed a moment later as they rejoined the road with the other cars.

"Phil!" shouted Stu. "You could have killed us!"

"We aren't. Shut up man," he smiled.

"Phil, please stop. I need to eat something," stated Jess kicking his seat.

"We ate at the hotel," he said not pulling over or listened to her pleas.

"I didn't. Just stop there for a moment," stated Jess kicking his sear hard causing him to look back at her. Jess pointed out the window at a small little café off the road. Phil moaned but did as she asked. She jumped out once they stopped, followed by Stu.

"You didn't have to come," she said as he opened the door, a playful smile crossing his face.

"I figured I could help. I got you. I'm hungry too," said Stu walking up to the counter. "This will be carry-out."

Jess looked over the menu quickly, as Stu ordered a muffin and a small coffee. "Can I have the same. Thanks!"

Stu and Jess sat down to wait at the counter and together they saw Phil and Alan talking in the car. Jess smiled at the sight of a smiling Phil, when Stu rubbed her back in concern.

"Are you okay?" he asked kindly watching her hang her head again.

"Yeah, just last night is confusing and I don't want to think what the hell we did. Least of all what it might mean for my future," she said taking his hand and squeezing it gently. "I guess things went okay since you were there."

"I can't believe Alan had my tooth," he smiled pointing to his mouth.

"That was pretty funny!"

Together they laughed and looked back at the car sighing with a soft giggle from Jess.

"What do you think is going on?" asked Jess turning toward Stu fully.

"Probably something stupid," he mumbled as someone bumped into his back. Turning he saw a heavy-set woman sit down with a small child on his other side. "Are you going to tell Doug I offered the job to you right?"

Jess sighed and looked down. "Yes, I did tell him, but do you want me as your dental assistant? I mean aren't the others… I don't know… more qualified than I," she mumbled unsure of the choice she was given. It was a dream of hers to become a dentist like Stu, but it was her nerves that kept getting the best of her. Often, she thought about what she wanted to become, and the choice always leant toward Stu's clinic ever since she was little. The dream became a want when he would inspect as her baby teeth fell out and her adult teeth pushed through.

"Yeah, but I know you and there is some favoritism," smiled Jess pushing his arm lightly.

"You're a good choice though. I trust you," he smiled back wrapping his arm around her back. "So, you're several credits short…."

"I haven't accepted yet," she said pushing herself off the counter and eyeing her longest friend closely. A shy smile crossed her face realizing she would beat out four other contenders just for being good friends with him.

"I'll get everything at the clinic in order for you," said Stu, pulling his cell phone out. "Shit Melissa! Why can't she leave me alone for one minute?"

"You know she is the devil," Jess laughed reading the multiple texts that she had sent Stu. "Does she believe you are in Napa?"

"I know so," she heard before the waitress came up and handing them a bag of muffins, and two coffees.

*dot*

"Is Stu with her?" asked Alan. Stu held open the door for Jess as they entered the small cafe, a shy smile from her making Phil blush as the other man's hand brushed hers a moment. It caused Jess to lean into him as someone exited the same time. Stu caught her as she stumbled a bit, and they disappeared in moments later.

"Yeah, Alan, they are in the café together," he answered obviously. Alan could be dumb sometimes.

"No, I mean together. Like a couple. Like having penile intercourse together," said Alan, turning to check on the baby.

"What?" asked Phil turning to him, hoping he didn't hear what Alan had said.

"Penile intercourse, you know with your—"

"Yeah, Alan, I took PE," he snapped quickly trying to ease Alan out of topic on Jess because the bearded child was dangerously close to getting under his skin about his relationship with her. It is something he knew he had to keep a secret. Alan looked down again and asked to clarify the relationship between Jess and Stu.

"Stu is a dentist and once the summer is over, Jess will become a dental assistant. She's an interim assistant for him now, but she really wants to follow in Stu's shoes and a dentist."

"Does she like it? Being in his mouth?" asked Alan very serious. "Does he go in her mouth?"

Phil momentarily entered the bizarre image of Jess exploring Stu's mouth for cavities but not in the clinic. Then, quite rudely, an image of himself going in Jess' mouth seemed faintly real. Had he done that? No, absolutely, I didn't actually do it with Jess? He knew he shared moments with her in private, moments that could get him fired, but he didn't care. He was thinking about leaving the school after another year anyway, so no one could hold it against him being with Jess so close. The lying to other staff made it difficult to conceal, but he knew about the struggles she faced as a young girl. It was something that held truth because in separate meetings, they stated the same thing, and it was permitted that if Jess was upset, she could reach out to him privately on the issues. It had been a long meeting, where he first discovered that his real feelings towards her were revealed internally. Since then, Phil had certain to keep a positive appearance to limit their exposure while at the school. After school, they would leave together, making some new staff believe she were his daughter.

Shaking his head at the thoughts, he summoned his wording and turned to Alan, speaking firmly and clearly.

"Stu and Jess aren't together," he said, wanting to make Alan think the same it for his relationship with her too. "They are good friends like me and her. Our relationship is just a more complicated."

"Have you ever had penile intercourse?"

Phil looked at him like he was crazy. "Man, I have a family. Yeah, I've fucked someone with my dick."

"With Jess?" he asked very serious again.

"Man, shut the fuck up. Here they come!" Phil said as Stu opened the door for Jess. They ate their muffin and fruit, remaining quiet for the most part. Phil snuck a glance at them, and Jess was smiling at Stu.

"Thank you. I don't have any credits though," said Jess, sipping on her coffee.

"We'll work on that," he said smiling.

"What the fuck happened in the café you two?" asked Phil with a snicker.

"Did you agree to have penile intercourse with Stu, Jess?" asked Alan with a wide grin.

"We what?" questioned the two. Phil shook his head and smiled. This would be a long day.

*dot*

Arriving to the hospital, Jess helped get the baby back on Alan and she was vaguely aware of the place. They made their way to the ER, where the nurse gave each of them a look over of concern.

"Hold on hun," she said to Phil, holding up an index finger to firmly hush him. The doctor came out a moment later. He led them into an emergency room where an older gentleman was being treated.

"You came in with a mild concussion, some bruised ribs," he spoke after looking at the patient's information. "No big deal. Although none of you could articulate how it happened." The doctor was helping the patient stand as he spoke a second time and Jess tried her hardest to not stare as Alan was.

"She told me that you all were partying, so we took that as a sign you were wasted as hell," the doctor added pointing at Jess and Phil. "She did most of the talking since none of you should really talk. And you had your hands all over her."

"Do you remember how many of us were here?" asked Stu desperately.

"I don't know," he said with a heavy sign. "It was just you guys and her. Definitely no baby," he add looking at the baby carefully and then Jess. "Is he yours?"

"No," she answered shaking her head.

"And there was one other guy," said the doctor.

"That's our guy. Was he okay?" asked Stu getting rather jumpy from the excellent news.

"Yeah. He was fine. Just whacked out of his mind. You all were."

The doctor turned to his patient and completely ignored them as he concluded the exam. Jess rested her head on Stu's arm and turned away. As the doctor did the exam, Jess kept her composure and when he was done, she turned back.

"Guys, I really gotta go. I'm sorry. I have a surgery on the fourth floor," he said standing to wash his hands.

"No. I know. But we just need a couple minutes of your time," spoke Phil flashing a wad of ten-dollar bills between the doctor and him.

"Yeah. Tuck it right there. I don't want to re-sterilize. Walk with me," he said walking out of the room. He went over to the nurse's station and was handed not one but two files to him.

"Okay, here we go. Patients name, Philip Wenneck and Jessica Billings, 2:45 am arrival. Wenneck, minor concussion, like I said. Some bruising, pretty standard. Billings had small to medium burns on the chest and stomach, most probably from cigars. The burns were seen and treated."

Stu tried to get the doctor to hand him the two files, but he just rebuffed him.

"Do you mind if I look? I'm actually a doctor," he said smartly.

"Yeah, you said that several times last night. But really, you're just a dentist." The doctor stopped by the end of the desk and paused. "Okay, this is interesting. Your blood work came back in this morning. They found a large amount of Ruphylin in your system. In both your systems."

They looked confused but Jess covered her mouth. Stu looked at her confused but considering his medical profession it made since he wouldn't know the drug.

"Ruphylin. Roofies—" he said to the confused men.

"The date-rape drug," whispered Jess beginning to cry. She and Phil were both drugged!

"Yes. Commonly known as the date-rape drug," confirmed the doctor. Phil and Stu exchanged silent concern to each other, and their eyes lowered to the ground.

"What, so what are you saying? We were raped last night?" questioned Stu, feeling uneasy.

"Actually…. I don't think so, but there was semen on her though," he stated firmly eyeing Jess. "Since you're technically over eighteen, it wasn't considered statutory rape due to your age. Now, we did collect samples, but you insisted it was mutual.

"You said you had a great cock in your mouth," grinned the doctor taking a glance at Phil, who must have had murder in his eyes. A moment later, he quickly cleared his throat standing up straight. Phil's jaws had dropped and his cheeks had reddened like Jess'.

"We released both of you with no other findings, after treating the burns. But someone slipped you the drug. I'm not surprised you don't remember anything," concluded the doctor laying the files down on the counter.

"Doc, none of us can remember anything from last night," Stu stated loudly. "Remember?"

"Was there anything else in mine that I should know?" asked Jess extremely concerned.

"Yeah, how could someone have drugged us all?" asked Phil.

"No," the doctor said to Jess first. "You had similar marking as him, but those particular marks on his neck weren't there last night. I wouldn't worry about it. The stuff's out of your system. You're going to be fine." The doctor began to walk away, as Phil went to grab his arm.

"Wait, wait, wait. Please doctor, is there anything else?" The doctor looked like he might kill someone, and with Phil in his face, it might be him. He sighed as Phil pushed for more. "Like something we may have been talking about?"

"Or someplace we were going?" suggested Jess and this seemed to soften him.

"Actually," he considered. "There was something. You guys kept talking about some wedding last night."

"Yeah no shit. Our buddy Doug's getting married tomorrow." The doctor frowned and Phil opened his palm for his money back. "No. No. Easy! You kept talking about some wedding you just came from. At the… uh… Best Little Chapel. You kept saying how sick the wedding was and getting all crazy about it. Okay I hope this helps. I really have to leave."

Jess stared at the doctor feeling very ashamed that she got into this situation to begin with. Phil stopped the doctor again asking where the Best Little Chapel was.

"I do. It's on the corner of Get A Map and Fuck Off." Phil looked up as the male spoke, taking away by the comment. The doctor eyed the group once more before summoning his voice again.

"I'm a doctor, not a tour guide. Figure it out yourself, okay? You're big boys." He turned one last final time as Phil stood up and began to walk away with Stu and Alan in tow. Jess merrily shook her head and began to follow when a nurse approached her.

"Miss, I need to give you this," she said handing a folded piece of paper to her. "You should know what we found. Do you not remember what happened? Are you sure it was mutual? He is much older than you."

"I don't know… I mean we were all fucked up. I can't remember," said Jess, feeling the nurse pat her shoulder. Searching for the departed group, Jess saw they had rounded the corner already away from view. With shaking hands, she opened the paper and there she learned the truth that she had sexual relations with Phil.

"I didn't want to mention this in front of the others. It is up to you to share," said the nurse, before returning to her desk. Jess read the paper several times before ripping it up and wiping her face not realizing she was crying. Rushing out of the emergency room, Jess found the police car and slammed the door alarming to the guys of her behavior.

"Are you okay?" asked Phil as he started up the car. He showed genuine concern, but Jess only shook her head.

"Yes, it's mutual," she said seeing how confused she made those around her. Ignoring them, Jess paid no attention but to her phone staring at the photos there.

"What's wrong, Jess?" asked Phil as he turned down the main road. Businesses passed them as they tried to find the Best Little Chapel.

"Nothing," she muttered out. Phil and Stu exchanged worried looks but they didn't impose the subject more on her. A moment later, Jess saw a message alert from Stu pop up.

"What's the matter?"

"Phil" answered Jess.

"What did Phil do?" Stu looked at Phil and tapped quickly a second message. "What took you in the ER?"

"It's nothing, Stuey! Just my stomach hurts from last night"

"We should have protected you, not caused it to happen"

"There was sperm found on me. What if I get preggo. Then what?"

Jess watched Stu receive the message and the man's shoulders teased up suddenly. She just couldn't bear the thought of what ifs. She didn't see the return text as he turned in his seat.

"Jess, we'll find out who it was when we get back."

Her heart dropped as Stu turned back around. There was nothing for her if she got pregnant by Phil. It would ruin Phil's career and her life. She would lie to protect Phil if she could, because she loved him so much. She wouldn't have that on her mind if she was the cause of his crumbling life. He was married with a child already and Jess had been working so hard toward her post high school goals. Everything Stu had done for her at the clinic would be put to waste because she would not be able to reach her goals quick enough to meet Stu's standards. There was no way she could support herself and a child alone. A child between them would ruin their reputation and friendship of sixteen years. It would have been for nothing and that worried Jess most.

Seeing Stu's concerned face, and knowing she was scared at the thought, Jess hugged her knees. He would help her, if no one else could now.

"Come on!" shouted Phil, as he honked at the slow traffic they encountered. Sitting back and allowing her worried thoughts to go, Jess inspected the photos on her phone.

"Seems innocent enough," laughed Jess at the first photo, showing Alan and Stu

It was of her and Phil at the Hard Rock Café. His arm extended out as their hands were entwined, him apparently grabbing her hand as another tried to grab hers. There was a blur of motion but who's hand it was, Jess didn't know. Doug and Stu stood behind them with smiled on their faces, oblivious to the fact of Phil's actions.

"Wait," she whispered suddenly, leaning towards Stu. Jess looked through the album until reaching the desired one. "Oh my God! Why haven't I thought about this?"

"What are you thinking?" asked Stu not understanding her motions.

"Stu, every photo has a time stamp!" Jess clicked a few more times phone coming to a photo of Phil and her with the tiger. "This was taken at 2:08 am. We had the car at that point," she told Stu.

"Where are you in this?" he asked looking at the photos himself. His eyes widened as he reached the one Jess had. "Oh My God! Where was this taken at?"

"At the Best Little Chapel," Jess pointing out of the window. "See there is the door in the background!"