Disclaimer: I don't own the Hangover or its characters.

*dot*

"What about the baby?" Jess questioned as Phil turned off the engine to the police car. He opened the door, then slammed it shut, walking towards the door.

"Leave him in the car," he urged continuing toward the dor. "We're gonna be five minutes. He'll be fine," Phil stated firmly opening the door wide for everyone. "I cracked the window."

Jess passed a glance at Stu who quietly protested before hurrying after Phil. They single handedly had absolutely no concern for the child…. Jess tried to reason the pros and cons as Alan shut his door.

"Are you okay?" asked Alan with worry.

"The baby; it's kinda hot," she whispered looking at the child again.

"Phil said he cracked the window. Carlos should be okay," stated Alan pulling her arm.

Looking back at the baby, Jess signed loudly before Alan closed the door firmly locking the car. While Phil and Stu were talking with a man in the other room, Jess and Alan looked around to see the other couples who had married there. At times, Phil would raise his voice and it reminded Jess of his interactions at school with students. It pissed her off when he acted like a jerk on purpose to prove a point but she always wondered why Phil even liked teaching. He said it was because of her but maybe the respect he got from being dominating over students. However, at this moment, she was certain that Phil only wanted to find Doug and leave this God forsaken city.

Just as she turned the corner to enter the largest room, Jess felt her jaw drop.

"Congratulations, Stu! You got married," Alan said happily around the corner.

"This…. This can't be happening!" said Stu prancing about holding clinched fists.

"What's going on?" asked Jess walking up closer.

"Ahh, you! How did the telling go?" suddenly said a man behind Phil. He came out of the nowhere and grabbed for Jess' hand, which she slapped away. "Ahh, no love for Eddie either…."

"What the fuck is going?" snapped Jess pushing the man away.

"Your dad got married! You have a step-mommy!" shouted Eddie pointing at Stu.

"Whoa, whoa! She is not my daughter!" shouted Stu right back at Eddie who backed away very quickly. "Jess is my employee, and she will not tell the staff?" He rounded on Jess, who shook her head in quick motion side to side. Eddie pulled a photo album out and proclaimed that Stu and a woman were married.

"I'll tell you one thing, you look seriously happy here man." Phil was holding up a photo of Stu with a young woman with short blonde wavy hair wearing a pale-yellow dress and dark heels. She looked really pretty and Phil's fingers grazed over Jess' image on the photo.

"Jess your dress," he whispered looking at her to confirm his thoughts.

"That's it. My life is over," muttered Stu pressing his temple firmly.

"Stu, it's okay. Look shit happens," stated Phil pointing to the clearly happy couple.

"Come on," groaned Stu. "Melissa's not gonna know anything about this."

"Hey, what's all that?" questioned Alan. The others turned around as Eddie gather several boxes on the counter for them to view.

"The high roller package. It's just what you ordered. I have coffee mugs," he said pulling out several mugs and placing them on the table for display.

"What?" asked Stu, his mouth opened wide in disbelief.

"You have baseball caps, huh?" Alan asked curiously. Eddie pulled one out to show them.

"And fancy calendars, all with pictures of Stu and Jade," finished Eddie.

"Her name's Jade?" Phil held up the calendar showing Jess the image too.

"Yeah, and she's beautiful man. Clean, very tight. Tits like this! Like yours," he spoke at Jess who frowned quickly and threw a look of disgust at the man.

"—But that's because she just had a baby," he said quickly seeing he had offended Jess.

"That explains the baby," muttered Phil, letting Jess go as she made a move to slap Eddie.

"OH! Carlos!" said Alan. "Carlos!"

"Uh, here's the deal. We made a mistake last night. We need this marriage annulled. You do annulments?" Eddie held his heart as Phil spoke quickly.

"Of course I do. It breaks my heart and gonna make me sad." He looked over at Stu with an unhappy face. Stu looked back at him for concern but there was something that told Jess he felt horrid inside.

"I can't do it with just him, though. I need the chick. I need both parties."

"Oh, not a problem. That's great," said Phil very happily. "Isn't that great Stu! Come on buddy. She probably knows where Doug is."

"How would she know where he is?" asked Jess looked around at the decoration. There seemed something off to this place.

"We need her address. She filled out some paperwork, right?" asked Phil to Eddie, who nodded. Eddie looked at the women behind him, urging her to get the papers quite rudely. She gave Jess a look over and then scowled at Eddie. As they left, Stu stomped out in a hissy fit.

"Hey Phil, what about my dad's car?" asked a concerned Alan, who was holding one of the many boxes given to them by Eddie.

"I'm sure Doug has it. We'll get it back," he said confidently opening the trunk of the police car.

"Then I vote we torch the cop car and all this shit with it!" shouted Stu angrily.

"Torch it? Who are you?" snapped Phil before Jess could comment.

"I don't know Phil. Apparently I'm a guy who marries complete strangers. I'm a guy who lets his best friend's little sister have alcohol and not stop it! I'm the guy who will get fucked off worse for this shit! This whole situation is completely fucked!"

"Stu!" screamed Jess trying to redirect his anger because it wasn't helping anything. At least she knew that she with them throughout the entire even, or at least most of it. "Stuart!"

"It isn't my fucking fault we can't remember shit! Did that ever occur to you? Did it? Because I sure as fuck would not have fucked with asked with bringing her if she needed deserve to be with her family!" shouted Phil, getting right into Stu's face.

Stu only pushed his friend off of him in retort. Jess opened her mouth to comment but Phil's remark made her quiet up. Is that how he would put? Was she really just a bother to them all. They were in their early 30s and she was only a teenager, spending a large part of her childhood with Phil and Stu both. It was Phil who brought he conversation to solely Jess however, while Stu only was ranting. Deep down Jess believed that Stu would have wanted her to spent time with them in Vegas.

"These mugs," started Stu again grabbing one and throwing it down at Phil's feet. It came real close to hitting Jess. "This hat," he said grabbing the hat off Alan's head.

"Hey," he protested but Stu heard nothing of his complaints.

"This car! It's all evidence of a night that never happened. That is why we're torching all of it!" he proclaimed. Jess covered her mouth in shock at what was happening before her. She was watching Stu have a meltdown while Phil and Alan just watched gob-smacked.

"Whoa! I'm a schoolteacher. I got a family, okay? I'm all for secrecy but I'm not gonna torch a cop car—"

"Can I help," interjected Alan.

"Really," questioned Jess, wiping her brow. All this was getting out of hand, honestly! "You'll help him commit another crime?"

"Yeah, thanks," thanked Stu. Suddenly his phone began ringing and Phil hurriedly asked if it was Doug. "Uh, it's Melissa."

"Let the bitch burn," stated Jess getting in the back seat, with a quick slam of the door.

"Don't answer," agreed Phil walking around the car to the driver seat.

"I have to. She's called twice already!"

"Can I ride shot gun?" asked Alan kindly going to grab Phil's hand.

"Don't touch me…" he answered pushing Alan away. Jess held onto the baby as Stu answered the phone.

"Hey sweetheart, how are you!" he faked into the phone. Jess felt her eyes roll as her own phone began to ring.

"There you are. This is the third time I'm trying you," Jess heard from the phone. Stu leaned his body into Jess to shield the baby from view.

"I know. The reception up here's crazy. I think it's all the sequoia trees blocking the signal," he lied.

"Uh, I hate that. So how was it last night?" she asked more. Jess stared at her phone confused at the message she had received.

"Ah, it was really fun, actually. It was quiet, but it was a good time. I'm learning all kinds of vino factoids."

"What did Jessica do?" she asked suddenly. Jess turned away from her phone when she heard her name from Melissa.

"She…. She …. Was in the lodge for the most part. She sampled one sip of the wine, but no more than that." Jess rolled her eyes and listened closer.

"Phil wanted her to! God such a fucking ass. So she had a good time too, out in wine country?"

"Yes. Jessica had a lovely time. She is napping right now, or I would have her tell you. Well listen…."

But Jess no longer had her attention to Stu nor his conversation. It was the men surrounding the car holding baseball bats that had captured her attention. Her phone fell from her hands into the baby's lap and she went to shield him.

"Go! Out of the car!" the person demanded, holding up the bat to slam on the car another time. "Where the hell is he?"

"HEY EASY EASY! I think we're looking for the same guy, okay?" insisted Phil, but the man only slammed the front windows in on them. Suddenly the baby began to cry and Melissa cried out demanding why she heard a baby.

"Why would there be baby? We're at a winery. That's a goat!" he pleaded at Melissa, though wanting desperately to hang up on her.

"Where is he?" demanded the man again.

"I don't know! What are you talking about!" shouted Phil.

"Sir, can you please start the tractor so we can get out of here!" asked Stu nicely knowing full well that they were in danger.

"I'm trying to but we're fucking blocked!" shouted Phil, with a look of desperation at him and Jess.

"Stu, drop the call, help me cover him!" screamed Jess wrestling the phone out of his hand.

"Oh, my God! What the hell is happening Stu?" demanded Melissa.

"Hey! There's a baby on board!" screamed Alan at the man who hit the car two more times.

"Someone just said baby!" screamed Melissa.

"It's a baby goat!" shouted Stu back into the phone, before Jess snatched it out of his hands.

"Melissa, we are helping a goat give birth. It's very beautiful but we need to let you go!"

"Jessica, put Stu back on!" she shouted into the phone before Jess clicked his phone to hang up on her. Jess smirked at Stu and handed him back his phone. He nodded and covered the baby with his body too.

"Phil, he's got a gun!" screamed Stu pointing at the man.

"NO shit, he's got a gun!" Phil slammed his foot down on the gas and forced the car to reverse. The man shot out at them, shooting Eddie in the arm. While they cursed their misfortune and speeding away, Melissa again tried to call Stu.

"Why don't you just let that go to voicemail," suggested Phil, his breath leveling out.

"Ha-ha-ha!" Stu said as he leaned back into his seat more comfortably. Jess held onto the baby's small chubby fingers and he smiled at her. "That's a fake laugh by the way!"

"Hey guys, I think he likes me," she said smiling back. "Hi! I'm Jess!" The baby boy let out a giggle and soft fart. It caused Alan to turn around in his seat with a gentle awe spoken.

"I wish I could breast-feed," he commented.

Jess looked over at him with wonder. "You know that is something you will never do right?"

"Yeah, but I wonder if I become a female if that would work." Phil and Stu looked at Alan with a jolt.

"Alan, changing your sex, still won't make that work. It's apparent you're not a female."

"If you have a baby, can I breast feed it?" asked Alan innocently.

"Alan, no. That's not how it works. Did you ever take PE?" Jess asked holding her hands together to resist slapping Alan silly.

"No. I was in physical education classes in school," he said looking serious.

"Alan, that's the same fucking thing," said Phil, turning the steering wheel to the left. They came to stop at a light and Alan spoke up again. For a moment, Phil looked like he might speak up again.

"Women produce milk and so do men!" shouted Alan turning around again at Jess who only frowned. "It comes out their penis."

"What the fuck," muttered Phil with a wide smile. Stu's jaw dropped and he nearly fainted in the back seat beside Jess. She let out a laugh but stopped herself from bursting out too loudly.

"Alan! That's sperm! Not— you know what, believe what you want," said Jess crossing her arms. "Women produce milk. Men produce sperm to knock the woman up to bring a baby to the world. Alan, take a fucking class some time."

Moments later Phil looked back at her but she was facing the window with her phone in her hands. She was smiling at something.

"What you reading Jess?" he asked mildly curious.

"Just a message from a friend," she said quickly.

"Who? Carol?"

"No," she snapped off.

"Then who?"

Something was off about her. She was never this snappish with them but she was firmly staring at her phone again. Clearly whoever was talking with her had her attention but Phil had to focus on the directions Alan gave to direct them to Jade's home.

.

January, a few months ago

Jess was busy preparing for a Calculus test when her computer dinged loudly showing an incoming video chat message. Clearly the contents in front of the computer and turning the camera on, she was welcomed to the sight of her online friend Jason.

"Hey Jess!" he said smiling, a short wave aimed at the screen. His beaming expression meant that something was going good for him. He sat facing the monitor, no shirt on this time, and his shaggy blonde hair was dangling in front of his eyes. Pushing it back, he smiled brightly at her as he reached out of the view of the camera for a bag of items. Laughing softly, Jess asked where he was getting in from.

"I'm tired from my flights. Dad had business in London this time and we had long ass lines at customs. Stopping in New York for a few days," he said rubbing his face. "I've been awake a very long time."

"You're in New York?" she asked setting her pencil down quietly and taking in his weathered appearance. Jason nodded sitting down his soda and bag of chips before getting more items out of the bag. Jess smiled at him hoping he wasn't too jetlagged.

"You get to see the world and I'm stuck here!" she pouted a moment before grinning. He grinned before turning his head toward the right, concerning riddling his face. Holding an index finger, he stood up suddenly. Revealing a toned stomach under his white shirt that rose as he went, she could hear some voices in the background speaking harshly with Jason. It took several minutes for him to return, and he slumped down reaching for the bag on the desk.

"What's that?" she asked wondering what the meal was.

"Bowl of rice with chicken and peas," he replied pulling out an iced coffee with a bag of chips. "I can't eat too well when traveling. I swear I live on coffee!"

Laughing, Jess looked over her shoulder making sure her door was closed. She turned quickly after hearing Jason cursing at a smaller container in his left hand. It was a bowl of cut up strawberries, melon and blueberries.

"Why can't they remember? Are they trying to kill me?" he exasperated loudly covering the fruit and looking up seeing her confused expression.

"What's wrong?" she asked curiously. "Why can't you eat that?"

"I'm allergic to strawberries. Father always seems to forget to mention it when we get food. I hate throwing food away, but I used my only Epi-pen already."

"Oh," said Jess making a mental note to remember if they ever met in real life. "I'm sorry, it must be hard to deal with sometimes. I love strawberry short cakes!"

Jason laughed at her and swallowed a small bite of his rice. They continued to chat about his berry allergy before bringing up Jess' announcement about her brother. She revealed that it was thought about Doug's bachelor party being in Vegas but working out the details would be hard considering the one planning it was Stu.

"Stu's the dentist, right?" he asked between bites.

"Yes," nodded Jess. "He has this bitch of a girlfriend. Like total cunt, if you ask me, but she is mean as shit!"

"Sounds like it," agreed Jason. She continued to explain how she hoped she would be able to go with them. "I'm told I'll be there round mid to late May, around the same time. I've been to Vegas before. It's alright. If you do go, let me know! I'd love to meet you too."

They shared a smile together and Jess hoped this friend she cared for, even through on the other side of the country, was okay. Sometime about him rang true. He spoke before about his upbringing with his dad, but never mentioned his mom. Something he was nervous to speak about and it brought unhappy memories he said in prior chats. While they chatted a bit more, Jason would always end the video by kissing his hand and placing it on his screen like he would on her forehead.

"Sleep well Jason," she said blowing him a friendly kiss.

"I will now that I talked with you. Good luck on your test tomorrow," he smiled before waving good bye. "Good night!"

"Goodnight Jason," she said as the video cut out and they no longer saw each other. Her heart beat a little fast each time they spoke but she knew deep down she might not ever meet him. As she packed away her books into her backpack, Jess remembered the way Jason smiled and that made her smile even more. She felt butterflies inside and her mind was busy running miles with thoughts about him.

*dot*

Present, Vegas

"What's the room?" Jess asked Phil after they arrived at the motel-like apartments where Jade lived.

"It's 825," he said right as a door opened violently and a tall blonde woman came walking out. She wore small blue shorts and a white lace shirt. Her face erupted into a wide smile as she sighed loudly into her phone.

"I know, I did. I already checked with her…. I found him. I'll call you back. Thank God, he's with his father!"

She walked over and took the baby out of Alan's carrier. "I was freaking out. I missed you sweetie! I miss you," she said grabbing a hold of Stu and lip-locking with him for a good minute.

"No," reasoned Phil to himself and Jess just stared at the two. She tried to tap on Stu's arm, but Phil stopped her. "Don't," he muttered holding his chin.

"What the hell happened to you guys?" she asked suddenly letting go of Stu and looking around at the group.

"Actually, we were hoping you could tell us." Phil looked at her earnestly with a smile.

"What do you mean? I got up this morning, I went to get coffee, and I came back, and you were gone," said Jade eyeing everyone closely. "Why are you being so quiet?"

"I'm not being quiet," said Stu quickly trying to avoid eye contact.

"Ha, ha. You're so cute. Yeah, I gotta feed Tyler. Come inside, you guys," she said turning back into her apartment. Jess went first followed by Stu. Behind her she heard Alan speak.

"Did you hear that? Baby's name is Tyler," he said sadly.

"Yeah. I thought he looked more like a Carlos too, bud," offered Phil patting his back.

Jess looked around as Jade left to get glasses of water for them. The quaint orange couch that the guys took was seated low. Jade returned a moment later with confusion on her face.

"Okay, what's up? You guys are acting weird," she said happily.

"Look, it's Jade, right?" asked Phil, flashing a smile.

"Very funny, Phil," she said seeing through his callous remark.

"Right, Jade, uh, ahem, you remember our friend, Doug."

"Are you kidding? He was the best man at the wedding," she commented enthusiastically.

"Exactly. Well, we can't find him, and we're getting worried."

"Oh, my God, that is so Doug," she said loudly. "Ha, ha. Oh!" Stu had taken a sip but spitted it out at her hands where a ring lay on her finger.

"Oh, sweetie, I'm... I'm gonna go clean him off! It's all right, Daddy didn't mean it." Jess looked over at Stu, who shot his head down muttering under his breath. She felt herself back into the chair she didn't realize she was sitting on.

"What the fuck, man, you gotta hold it together!" pressure Phil, sensing the disturbance in Stu. "She is super-hot. You should be proud of yourself!"

"She's wearing my grandmother's ring!" finally Stu snapped out. The others shared a sense of refrain as Stu tried to collect himself as Jade return and sat back down.

"He was just hungry, he's fine."

"Oh good," said Phil, but he stopped a moment later. As Jade pulled out her breast and began feeding the baby, the men simply stared. "About last night, uh, … Ahem… do you remember the last time you saw Doug?"

He tried to not stare any longer but Alan was. Stu just looked down after a moment.

"Uh, I haven't seen him since the wedding," she said completely unaffected by Alan.

"The wedding? Okay, great. And, uh, we can't reme—" his eyes kept darting to Jade's breast.

"What Phil is saying, we can't remember when that was," said Jess, pushing his arm.

"I guess it was around 1, because I had to go back to work and finish my shift. And then before I left, I saw your shoes, picked them and then headed over to the hotel with Tyler."

Jade shifted slightly and the boys continued to stare. Jess looked at her face as she smiled in thought.

"And was Doug there," asked Jess. "Was my brother there with us?"

"I didn't see Doug because you guys were passed out. The room was a wreck. Phil and Jess were sleeping on the floor and you got up to get some food from downstairs and never came back. But I just curled up next to Stu," she added looking at Stu and making a tiger noise at him. Stu shifted in his seat appearing very uncomfortable.

"I got a question," began Stu getting his voice back. "Um, you said your shift ended. Does that mean you're a nurse? Or a blackjack dealer?"

Jade laughed loudly. "You know this. I'm a stripper! Well technically I'm an escort, but stripping's a great way to meet the clients."

"Smart," said Stu, wanting to throw up.

"Savvy," agreed Phil with Jade.

"But that's all in the past now that I married a doctor!" she exclaimed with delight.

"I'm just a dentist," said Stu shyly.

"Jade, how were Phil and I sleeping?" asked Jess bravely a second later.

"You… were curled on his arm. You said you were going to get some breakfast from the restaurant, but you never came back. Something about someone named Jason or something like that—"

Jess felt her eyes widen at the mention of Jason's name. Her eyes darted to Phil hoping he didn't ask questions. "Was I wearing anything? Like clothing?"

"Maybe a shirt but not much," admitted Jade. "You also took a one of the bed sheets and were running around like a little kid. It was so cute!"

Swiftly, the front door to Jade's apartment flew open and two people came in shouting at them.

"Las Vegas Police! FREEZE!" The guys threw their arms as Jess was knocked to the ground. The officers waved their guns at them as Jade held her baby.

"Are you fucking serious? What the fuck did we do?" demanded Jess as the male officer grabbed her and Phil pulling them up and into hand cuffs. They bumped into each other all the way to the station, but once they arrived, Jess sighed loudly. As they waited, the officers connect Phil with Alan's hand cuffs to form one long chain with the four of them. Jess stood up and tapped her foot impatiently.