Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Hangover or its characters.

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Seriously! Seriously, they had to get themselves arrested! Jess was connected to Phil's arm, who was connected to Alan, who was connected to Stu. Jess looked around the police station and tried to think straight. While Stu at the other end had his head down low, Alan was focused on the group of elementary aged kids coming in.

"After we take the mug shots, we bring them here where they wait to be interviewed by the arresting officers," said the male officer that bought them in. There was a playful smirk on his fat face but Jess remained quiet as Phil had asked. The officer pointed at the four of them quickly before continuing.

"Trust me kids, you do not wanna be sitting on these benches. We call this place Loser Ville!" he said before leading the kids away.

One little boy walked up pulling out a cell phone and took a photo of Alan.

"ALAN!" shouted Jess after he kicked the boy in the arm. "That was so unnecessary!"

"Hey Tracy! It's Phil," Jess heard Phil say into the phone on the wall.

"Hey Phil," she answered. "Where are you guys?"

"Cool. We are at the spa at the hotel. Jess won a bet against Stu, so we have to go with her," he said nervously looking around at Jess, pressing his hand close to his lips. Narrowing her eyes at Phil, she sighed loudly and punched him on the arm.

"Whatever!" she muttered back. Phil lost grip on the phone just as Tracy began speaking again.

"Cool, we're just getting some sun. Is Doug around?"

"Of course," laughed Phil, leaning against the phone booth, collecting himself. "Why wouldn't he be?"

"I'm just wondering why you're calling me."

"Um…. We made a deal; no talking to girlfriends or wives. So we're calling each other's."

"Okay, what's up," asked Tracy, most probably wondering if Phil was lying.

"Uh, you are not gonna believe this! We got comped an extra night at the hotel!"

Jess looked up at him in disbelief. She went to hit him on the arm with her right, but he jumped back, causing Alan to be pulled onto his side. Jess stumbled into his chest as her wrist became twisted with his.

"You did?" Tracy asked puzzled.

"Don't!" he muttered quickly, pulling the girl off his body slowly. "Yeah, the suite is... It's ridiculous! It's out of control. There's, like, room service and a butler! I mean, just the works."

"Phil, don't lie to her!" Jess warned him, but Phil quickly added more.

"We're thinking of spending the night and we're gonna come back in the morning. Jess didn't get much time with Doug and she wants to surprise him with something."

"Of course we will," mumbled Jess loudly hoping Tracy heard her. "So what is this surprise I'm planning?"

"Let me talk to her real quick," said Tracy. Phil untwisting their hands, and very slowly, pushed the phone into her hand. Jess, giving him a sigh, pulled on her arm making him stumble.

"Hi, Tracy! How are you?" Jess answered trying to sound like she hadn't done all she already had today. Phil stood up, holding his cheek that had connected with the metal of the phone booth.

"Is Phil telling the truth? Don't lie. I know he can be an asshole at times," Tracy said confidently but quietly.

"Yeah, um… Phi— He's telling the truth," she lied. "It was his idea that I do something for Doug. I really can't remember all they told me they did. It was so early when they got in. But everything is good!"

"Oh, good. I was worried they would give you a hard time."

Jess looked over at Stu and Alan on the bench and smiled. Phil noticed this and tapped her hand. She looked up at him, seeing his shadowed eyes from who knows what. Suddenly something came to her but it was faint.

It was of when they were playing Craps. She had been sitting on Phil's lap, but she needed to use the restroom. On her way back, an older gentlemen had went and grabbed her arm making her turn sharply into a tall dark-skinned man. Jess had thrown up her arms to push the older gentlemen away, but Phil had jumped at her scream. The old man had blocked Phil's punch, aiming it at the dark-skinned man.

"Jess," a soft voice said. She looked up at Phil and then spoke into the phone.

"Hey, I think Phil wants to speak with you," she said sensing what Phil wanted.

"Okay. Hand him over. You wanna stay an extra night? But the wedding's tomorrow," she asked unsure. Surely she didn't believe him.

"That's why we're gonna get up early, and we'll be back in plenty of time."

Phil gave Jess a look to shut up. Jess gave him a stern look before turning her back to him as best she could without twisting her arm out of its socket.

"Okay. Are you sure that's a good idea?" she asked, and then behind Phil an officer came around the corner.

"Wenneck, Price, Garner, Billings; room 3," he said loudly. Jess turned to face the officer and began walking forward but stopped herself from knocking into Phil.

"Okay, Trace, I gotta go," he said holding Jess back a moment. "We'll talk to you later."

After much conversion and spinning or knocking each other around, they figured out that Alan and Jess had to walk back to back in order to walk properly. The officers undid their handcuffs and sat each of the in a cold metal chair. Alan was at the end looking at his hand. Phil had placed his hand under his chin, and Stu and Jess kept exchanging looks of remorse. Jess was seated between Phil and Stu, and looked around nervously.

"Gentlemen, ma'am; we have good news, and we've got some bad news," said the male officer slamming down the report file along with many other pages of their arrest.

"The good news is we found your Mercedes—" he started.

"That's good news!" stated Stu finally smiling for once.

"That's great. See?" offered Phil leaning across Jess to Stu.

"Yeah, it's over at impound right now. We picked it up at 5 am this morning…"

"That's when we got back to the hotel though?" mumbled Jess to herself.

"What young lady?" snapped the officer at her.

"Nothing—"

"OH is that SO! Well why don't you tell me why a beautiful young lady is with three disheveled men? Clearly you aren't related to them!"

"I'm not!" she said quickly wanting to stand and slap the man. "But that doesn't matter!"

"It will be if you are under-aged and one of them did something besides just take the cruiser!"

"I'm eighteen! I can legally do whatever the hell I want," she said smartly, crossing her arms. Besides this asshole cop doesn't need to know everything about her and she wouldn't be telling either.

"You can't buy liquor," the female officer challenged.

"I can buy cigarettes," Jess replied in retort with a smirk.

"You smoke? That's bad for you Jess," Alan said quickly.

The officer seemed to realize he might lose to Jess, so he jumped to the reason of their missing car. "Young lady, explain why your car was found in the middle of Las Vegas Boulevard?"

"Do I look like I would know?" stated Jess firmly clenching her hands tightly. Why was he harassing her so much! Hell, pick on Phil!

"In the middle? That's weird," added Phil a moment later. Jess shot him a nasty look and tried to see his humor. The officer turned to the file and pulled out a folded up napkin.

"There was also a note. It says, uh, couldn't find a meter, but here's 4 bucks. Phil and Jess."

He showed Jess the note and she blushed red. "Oh, I see." Yep, that was her curvy handwriting; even the elegant J for her name. Jess felt the shame coming up in her throat. Stu rubbed her back as she rested her head on the table before her. The officer put the note down and read from another piece of paper a moment later.

"The bad news is... we can't get you in front of a judge until Monday morning."

Phil practically jumped from his seat at that. "Oh, no, uh, officer, that's just impossible. No, we need to be in LA tomorrow for a wedding!"

"You stole a police car," spoke the female officer sternly.

"We didn't steal anything. Um, we found it," said Stu hoping for something.

"Yeah, if anything, we deserve a reward or something, like a trophy," Alan added with clear assurance they were almost safe.

"I see assholes like you every day," peeped up the male officer eyeing the three males. "I see lovely ladies like you turn into such nasty women!"

"Excuse me! I'm in high school!" snapped Jess standing up, her hair halfway sticking to her face.

"Every fucking day—" mocked the female officer.

"Let's go to Vegas, we'll all get drunk and laid!" laughed the male officer at them. Jess clenched her hands in anger because she wanted so bad slap the hell out of that police officer sitting in front of her, mocking her like a common criminal!

"Yeah. Whoo! Woo-hoo!" mocked the officer at them.

"Woo-hoo! Let's steal a cop car, because it'd be really fucking funny. Think you gonna get away with it? Not up in here!" the officer laughed with the other and then turning at the four people.

"Not up in here!" she spoke in harsh voice at them.

Phil cleared his throat and eyed the male officer firmly. He looked at Jess for moment, who looked back at him with confusion on her face.

"Oh. Uh... Sir... if I may, um... I'm assuming that that squad car belongs to one of you…," he said directing his attention to the officers. The two cops nodded and Phil smiled widened.

"Look, I'm not a cop. I'm no hero. I'm a schoolteacher. But if one of my kids went missing on a field trip... that would look really bad on me. Jess is one of my student. I couldn't imagine the pain I would go through as her teacher but as a friend for letting that happen," he smiled wrapping his arm around Jess' middle and rubbing her arm with his hand. Jess nodded sadly, puckering her lips up and went to sit down, giving the two a look. Stu sighed loudly, crossing his arms.

"What are you getting at?" questioned the officer watching Phil's hands on Jess closely.

"Yeah, Phil, what are you getting at?" asked Stu, pushing Phil's daring hands away from Jess.

"No one wants to look bad," he finally said with a smile. "We gotta get to a wedding..."

"Mr. Wenneck—" cried Jess, trying to pick up on his words.

"— and you guys don't need people talking about how some obnoxious tourists borrowed your squad car last night."

Phil smiled widely and then put his hands down on the table. Jess looked at the officers and offered a smile. There was a silent conversation between Jess and Phil that Stu couldn't make out. However, a moment later, Jess stood up tracing her fingers along his shoulder and then her arm wrapped around his neck in sorrow.

"It would be really bad on Mr. Wenneck, if I went missing! With him watching, carefully over so many, it would not only render him bad, but the school too." The officers seemed to consider this as they looked between Phil and Jess. He nodded heavily, as Jess took her arms away from Phil, bringing her hands to her face. Stu and Alan just watched and listened in awe at their lying ability. Jess threw her head back and dramatically wiped her face as a fake tear came down.

"In that consequence it… it would look down upon us a school… in the whole district. Would you want that for your station? I mean, would you… would you want the entire Las Vegas PD to be known as… as the laughing-stock police force… because a few tourists made – a mistake…"

Jess grabbed for Phil's hand, him understanding what she was doing. She leaned to hide her face behind Phil's neck and hair as she sobbed through their story. Phil patted her back gently, trying to form the next parts in their lying game. Jess raised her arm and threw it against his chest, as he spoke next.

"But look, the point is, I think we can work out a deal. Discreetly of course, ma'am," he said resting his hand on her shoulder as Jess shook with fake sobs.

"Oh, Mr. Wenneck, you would get fired and then what would you do for your family!" cried Jess pulling his face to hers. He gave her an anguished look and nodded with her. "His wife is a stay-at-home mother! He has a son at home! Can you do that to a father?!"

Jess looked at the officer for a second then sobbed her way back to Phil's shoulder. Not a single tear ever dropped on his shirt and for that Phil was thankful. After a second, the female officer sighed and pushed the paper that lay in front of her to the male.

"What do you say?" she asked pointing to something down the page. The male laughed loudly then cleared his throat again.

"Let me ask you a question: do, uh, any of you have a heart condition or anything like that? Are you pregnant Miss Billings?"

"No," they answered quietly wondering why they asked that.

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"Oh shit," muttered Jess standing beside Stu as they looked at the group of children from earlier. There was the fat kid near the back staring down Alan, who stared back equally.

"Okay kids, you're in for a real treat today!" called out the officer walking before the class of kids and grinning from ear to ear. "These gentlemen and lady have kindly volunteered to demonstrate how stun gun is used to subdue a suspect."

"Ooh!" rang out from the kids.

"That's right!" said the male officer holding up the stun gun after being loaded. Jess looked at the officer in complete shock! Hell no did she think them getting out of stealing a cop car was to be stunned. "Wait a sec, what?" she began but the officer was talking again.

"Now, there's two ways to use a stun gun," he began and took a step near Stu and Jess. Stu leaned over to ask her a question when the officer brought the stun gun against his neck suddenly. "Up close and personal."

Stu screamed loudly as the officer attacked his neck and then he took a step to Jess zapping her in the breast. Shrieking, Jess fell onto Stu grasping her breast, as he grabbed his neck, they wanting to end their torture.

"What the fuck," whispered Phil seeing the two curled on the floor. Jess was crying as was Stu.

"Or you can shoot from a distance," added the officer smiling at Stu and Jess. "Do I have any volunteers?" Several children, including one officer by the wall, raised their hands.

"Alright, how about you young lady? Come on up here. Alright." He handed her the stun gun and looked at Alan and Phil. "Let's go handsome, come on!"

When Alan walked forward the officer motioned for him to stop. "Not you fat Jesus, slide it on back. You," he pointed at Phil, "pretty boy." He walked carefully in front of the girl and held up his hands.

"Alright, now it's real simple. All you gotta do is point, aim, and shoot." The girl nodded and looked at Phil with determination on her face.

"Okay, look. You don't really wanna do this," he tried holding up his hands to distract her.

"You can do this. Just focus," offered the officer sweetly. The girl again nodded and focused on Phil.

"Don't listen to this maniac. Let's talk this through—"

"Finish him!" shouted the officer and the girl's hand pulled down on the trigger causing the stun gun points to land on Phil's groin. He fell over as sharp electric shocks riddled his body. He hand-hugged himself there and rolled over on the floor next to Jess and Stu.

"Right in the nuts! That was beautiful! Well done. Give her a hand everybody!"

Everyone clapped; including Alan.

"I am going to kill you Alan –" but the words failed Jess as she watched Alan stop suddenly watching her closely.

"Hey, we got one more charge left. Anybody wanna do some shooting up here? How about you big guy?"

The boy that took Alan's photo early had been called and it was like a standoff between child and man-child. Jess had managed to sit up as Alan took the same position that Phil had moments ago.

"Can I have some water please? I really am thirsty," she asked trying to give Alan a few more minutes of peace before he endured what they had already.

"Kelly! Get her some water!" ordered the officer to the tall skinny one by the door. As Jess was pulled up, she was sat in a spare chair and a cup of water was thrust into her hand. Looking at Alan, he was not afraid of the little boy. The officer was commenting on how there was 50K volts in the stun gun and then suddenly the boy pulled it.

"In the face! In the face" shouted the officer jumping up in praise of the boy's work. But Alan had not yet gone down. The kids began screaming as Alan walked forward to the boy, who looked on with shock.

"Alright, everybody relax. Take it easy. We've seen this before. He just needs a little extra charge. Some of these big boys, you gotta give them two shots!"

The officer winked at Jess before exclaiming that the kids will now get their fingerprints after stunning Alan with the one used on her and Stu. They left room leaving only the three men, Jess and the female officer in the room.

"When they are all up and moving come get me," she said turning to leave.

"Do you have any more water?" she asked resting her head on the table.

Every so often, one of the guys would move or twitch. Then after twenty minutes, Phil was able to get up and sat down by Jess. He was shifting in his seat every minute or so, but his eyes were always locked on Jess. She was trying to massage her breast, discreetly of course, to ease the remaining lingering pain.

"Jess, I'm sorry," whispered Phil, giving her a look of solemnness. "Are you okay?" She looked at him with tears in her eyes and sat up straight.

"No," she cried pointing at her chest. There were two small marks on her, one on her shirt and one on her skin. Phil reached to see it closer but her hands clamped around his hand to stop him.

"I hurt so much and this is our entire fault. We can't remember why we are getting this punishment or where my brother is. I'm just…"

Jess felt her tears begin to stream out again. She tried hard to quiet her sobs but it was useless. Phil gathered her in his arms, carefully though, so she didn't elbow him in the groin, patting her back and kissing her head. Soft whispered words of encouragement as she shook violently in his lean arms. Jess drained out herself of the numb electric shocks that riddled her still. She was crying so much that spots on Phil's shoulder were getting damp.

It was like autumn of her freshmen year …. Nearly four years ago…. It had been a rather rough year. The breezy autumn air blew through the courtyard of the high school, and it was rather nice looking once you got pass the initial onset of trees in the landscape. The seniors being jerks to most of the freshman was a commonplace thing even here. The others in her homeroom had taken to picking on her constantly and it seemed mostly about her uniform, because it wasn't pretty enough. Or maybe she was just the one they picked for reason like being small breasted, or thinner. Maybe her uniform hit any sort of womanly figure, unlike some of the other more well-endowed girls of the graduating class. Maybe her shoes shined too much or perhaps the way she copied her notes for class.

It seemed so trivial most of the time, she ended up alone far away in an abandoned classroom and getting into trouble every time she was found. One senior had practically forced himself on her earlier in the school year, earning a visit to the office and a suspension notice neither of his parents seemed to like. Doug, who was twenty-four missed his afternoon classes to attend to the issue, sighed heavily not realizing the women she was becoming nor of her male peers seeing her differently.

"Mr. Billings, I know you are her only guardian, but we must insist that something be done by you in that regard. Perhaps an after-school activity would help her make some friends," suggested the advisor who sat beside the grumpy principal.

They gave each other a look of hope. Doug looked at Jess and with a pat on the back, he stood up. Jess nodded, saying she would look at the activities later. She didn't want to make friends. She wanted the others to quit picking on her. Doug walked her back to her class, but before he left her there, he gave her a big hug.

"I love you, and I know it's hard. We must be strong, okay?" he had said looking the fourteen-year-old in the eyes, seeing her broken soul. He knew that somewhere deep down there was a lost little girl who just needed guidance and it was something he tried to do for her. Sometimes even Jess could remember him arguing with a man on the phone about why he left. Doug was always so secretively in who that person was, but she figured it was someone he worked with, but learned once it had been their father. Jess didn't need a man like him, she heard Doug say, she only needed Doug who was always there unlike their father.

Looking at her closely, she let go of his sister and tucked back her stray hair.

"Phil's a teacher here. Maybe talk to him if things upset you," he said picking up his backpack. "Remember Phil is here for you too."

Nodding, she escorted him back to the main doors before turning toward her next class. Mr. Johnson, her biology teacher, handed her a packet of papers explaining it was for their fall projects. She had been partner-less until a new girl transferred a week later. Her name was Carol Baker, and she was a first-rate volleyball player. Jess didn't care about Carol and her goody-two-shoes self at first. But Carol was anything but rude to her; in fact when Jess messed up on their first project she smiled over the mistakes.

"That was my fault. I gave you the wrong amount," she had said, when in reality Jess poured in too much on her own accord.

"Don't be silly, my bad," said Jess as they cleaned up the mess at the end of the period. The two spent most of the following period cleaning the mess, missing their next class altogether. As they scrubbed away the grime from the beakers, Carol called out to her suddenly.

"Hey, would you like to sit with me at lunch?" asked Carol with a sign of hope, her blonde hair braided down her head and formed a mermaid tail. "I don't really like the cheerleaders too much and they keep bugging me to join the squad."

"Sure," smiled Jess. Something changed that day for them. It was odd to think that someone would get her so much as Carol did, but it felt nice to sit in the stands cheering on her friend as she aced every shot during the volleyball season. Near the gym doors stood Phil as he clapped with students and staff as their team won the match. Catching sight of her watching him, Jess felt her cheeks warm as she remembered Doug's words.

Phil was here for her, and he was smiling at her as she stared back. He turned his attention toward someone who pulled in his arm causing Jess away as well. She wasn't aware that Phil kept a constant glaze aimed at her even as the mossy hair kid pulled his arm. As students and staff exited after the match, he saw that Jess had embraced the blonde volleyball player in a big hug, pure happiness come out. It made him happy to see her happy.

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