November is Epilepsy awareness month. Therefore also seizure and SUDEP awareness month. Earlier I've been writing a number of stories for awareness before. A list of all of them is on my profile.
The title is referring to something that Mike says in Chain reaction when he's comforting Tracy after the panic attack.
I've been wanting back and forth about how to write this. But I think I found a good way.
When Cam had gotten a spot to go to America, of course I couldn't have been prouder.
But the closer the date that she was going away came, the more nervous I started feeling. Without any obvious reasons, I still wanted to keep it from Cam.
After what I'd done to her the last time she went away, I'd have to make everything perfect this time- every little thing.
"… And parties every night." I joked while we stood by Cam's gate on the airport and she was about to leave. "Well. As long as I have everything clean and tidy by the time you come home."
"I'll surprise you when I do so you won't have the time…" She joked back and then shook her head. "No. But I trust you Tracy, not to tear the place down before I come back… Now, don't forget to get your rest too… You look a bit pale."
"I'm fine." I really wasn't so sure why. But it was getting harder to say it. "I'm an adult now… and if you don't leave then that means I can't have pizza for every meal and parties every night."
"I'll call you over the com…"
Cam was interrupted when a voice in the loudspeakers around us called her and the rest of the people going towards her gate.
"I know. And I have to go to work. And this does mean that I can use your car any time I want."
"Without even thinking about that wreck…"
"Now go!"
"…And don't use all money on my account…."
I just glared at her- as if I could ever forget that.
With one last smile towards me (and I couldn't help but see the worried look in her eyes) she turned her back against me and went towards the gate and the plane that would take her to the other side of the world from me.
Despite what I had just told Cam I didn't work today; I wasn't even sure why I had lied.
It was just that I wouldn't have to tell Cam what I felt like when I stepped into the empty flat, knowing only I would be here for the coming weeks- they seemed like an eternity.
I sighed to myself, I had been left alone like this load of times before. It had never felt like this.
At least not since I was left home along, those few days before I went into care.
Random fact
Those few days before she went into care are in the second try I made for Tracy in how they ended up in care, chapter 49. In case someone wants to read it.