Hello guys. I am so sorry I have left you hanging in this story for the past six months. I wish I could come with a good enough excuse of why this story hasn't been updated but really- I got nothing. Now we have reached 2022 though, and like always I will be starting with updating all of my multi-chapter stories.

Since it has been so long since I updated a lot has happened with stories- two weeks after I updated last I broke a tooth. And ended up sharing a story called "Too much bitten off to chew" in the good witch- fandom because I wanted to write something about it and my friend Ally R. Swan likes dentist- fics. This story won't be very long though so I was up in twelve stories that will soon be ending.

I finished I still love you, the moment I needed the most, a light in the dark and we're coming home. That is six stories finished of the ones that are almost finished. And I have six stories left in total.

It is taking me a while to update all of the stories 2022. When writing this I have updated two other stories, (when I returned and game on!) and posted one new oneshot (The night shift) But I am now almost finished with this chapter, and some chapters for the other stories. And another oneshot (Harry Potter)

At last I'm hoping that with so much finished, it won't be as long until I update this next time.

I hope everyone's had some happy holidays. And happy new year everyone. I hope you all have an amazing 2022.

Thanks to x snow-pony x for reviewing.

The dream I had about myself and my mum and Cam on a ship came back not only once, but twice- during the same night.

And in that morning, I tiredly walked up to Elm Tree House hours before I should have started.

What should I have done at home, anyway? Fall back asleep and dream more? Or sit on the couch and see it in front of me time and again?

None of that felt better than show up at the dumping ground where there was as usual life and movement to keep my thoughts away from the dream, and the fact that I didn't for anything want to fall asleep again tonight.

"You're early." Mike didn't even greet me when I came inside. But I couldn't blame him of course. "This isn't like you!"

"I'm fine." I said, trying to look way more truthful than what I felt. "I only thought that with Lily coming back and everything. There might be extra stuff to do here and you and Gina could need an extra pair of hands to deal with it. Is Lily here yet by the way?" Mike only watched me for several seconds and he saw through my lies I could tell. "I'm fine. Is she here?" For another few seconds it was all quiet, then we heard the doorbell ring and the door open and close and a yell ringing through the house.

"LILLLYYYYYYYYY"

Of course, just as Lily came inside Carmen came running down the hallway, she was squealing so loudly my ears hurt and in one hand she held the card from before, and in the other she was holding a wrapped gift. Then, just as Carmen was close enough to throw her arms around Lily's shoulders I saw Elektra coming down the stairs and stopping to watch the two girls.

Elektra glaring we had learnt wasn't anything we should worry about. She seemed to be doing that a lot.

I was hoping though that we could find some way to help her get out of her shell where she was pushing everyone away until the point they might actually be at risk of getting hurt. Of course that wasn't all her fault, but like when Carmen had been hanging off that bridge and Jeff and Harry met an adder.

But even though I knew she was trying to hide it, there was just something in her expression that I didn't quite recognize or understand…

"Hi Tracy."

When Lily turned to me and greeted me I took my eyes off Elektra and turned to the younger girl.

"Hi Lily."

"Tracy…" Carmen ripped the card out of Lily's hands. "You're the only one who didn't sign it…." Her voice lowered and she mumbled to herself. "Except for Elektra." I didn't even know if I was supposed to have heard it. But I couldn't help but frown what she said and how Elektra had looked when I saw her earlier.

"Lily?" Mike was suddenly right by us. "Can you just come into the office for a bit? Tracy? You too?"

"I'll just go and leave my things."

Lily walked up the stairs while chattering with Carmen as if they hadn't met for years. Mike had already disappeared and was standing riffling in some paper sheets in his usual way when I came there and couldn't help the question I asked.

"Something seems to be up with Elektra. Do you know if something happened?"

Mike looked up from the papers and as if he thought hard to try and remember something. But then he shook his head.

"Nothing that I heard of. But I saw she was spending some time with Carmen earlier."

"Do you think she's jealous? If she made friends with Carmen, and now Lily's back so Carmen will be spending time with her?"

"That doesn't sound like the Elektra I know."

"We don't actually know her that well though…" Just as I finished Lily came into the room and smiled at us. "Lily? How are you doing?"

It would just be the easiest if we moved right onto how Lily or Elektra or Carmen or any of the others were doing.

Meanwhile it would just be the easiest if I kept answering quickly when Mike asked ME something and wanted an answer. Instead of feeling for a second and not being able to answer him. Just like he needed to do Lily right now. Just like I needed to, and I started explaining of why she was here and not with me in case she didn't understand.

"You might know Cam's in New York right now and is for another few weeks… That's why you can't stay there and had to come back here. But she will be back and then you can come back." Lily nodded. "But until then… I hope you have a lot of fun while you're back here. And for the time back with your dad, I hope you get along great with him."

My stomach always kind of twisted when I thought about what could happen if someone went to live with their parents and they turned out to be the exact same as before they came into care. Or the worry that that was the way they would turn out to be…

"Yes. We've been getting along great. Only, you know… after everything that did happen we need some time away from each other too."

"And that's why you're getting some respite care." Mike explained kindly. "And even when you are back. Remember you can always call or show up any time you want."

"Of course…"

"Come on now Lily…." Carmen was tugging on her sleeve. "…you have to come and help me pick an outfit…"

The two young girls disappeared out of my and Mike's sight but were heard the more. Even though I tried to shut their voices out. Which wasn't hard to do with the feeling of jealousy of the kids, that they could always feel like they could come to Mike with whatever they were feeling.

Right now it felt like It was a long time I had felt like that to anyone. Maybe if I did and told someone about what I was thinking and feeling Cam would be rushing home and I couldn't take care of the kids as I was supposed to. Maybe my worries and problems would hurt them and I couldn't let them. I couldn't let my problems become something that hurt them after everything they had gone through before they came to me.

"Tracy?" All of sudden Gina's voice reached through my thoughts and woke me up. "Are you okay? You look a bit pale."

"I'm fine." I said before I'd had the time to say anything else. "I needed to do some cleaning in the lounge before I went home so I'll go and do that."

"Are you sure?" Gina was starting to see through my expression and words about everything being fine. "I…."

"I'm fine…. I was just having a party last night and it became a bit late before I could go to bed."

That really was a white lie…

But it was believable after all.

"Yeah, ehrm. Seth was back for just a few hours last night so I invited him and some others."

I wish…

Random fact

Tracy has spent so much of her life lying hasn't she? About her mum and everything… this whole thing is a mess.