Thank you for keeping up with this story, guys. I apologize for the long wait. I've been busy because of uni... and it seems that I might be busier this term as well due to my toxic schedule.

JESSICA; MINES; 22:31
FIFTEEN HOURS SINCE INCIDENT

It's weird how quickly your life can change forever, and it's even weirder how the little details can change over time, too. Obviously, I wouldn't have dreamt of this freaking situation I'm in—being in the cold mines on top of a scary-ass mountain.

But no, what I'm actually talking about is the fact that I am here with my head on Josh's shoulder, sniffing from both crying and being absolutely cold despite the overalls he gave me.

I don't know how Josh can manage with just his many shirts and jeans. At least, I now know why he's wearing five shirts on top of each other—to get himself looking like a bulgy man.

The pranks he set out for all of us still gives me the willies.

Still, I think the two of us are kinda good now since our arms are currently wrapped around each other. His hand is even absentmindedly rubbing my arm... Or maybe he just needs warmth and I'm the only best option.

Anyway, to add to that, some of the cold is numbing the pain I felt with my wounds. Of course, I can still feel my body weakening every second, but I don't feel anything anymore—other than the fucking cold and hunger.

"Why now?"

I flinch at the sudden whispered words as it echoes lightly around the mines, breaking the long-drawn silence between us (bar my and Josh's sniffing, of course). I wince at the thought of that monster coming back from the sound and taking the both of us again.

No. I'm being paranoid. Josh's screams earlier didn't seem to attract them, so I shouldn't be worried... but why am I worried all the time now?

"Jess."

I feel Josh move and so I remove my head from his shoulder to look at him in the eye. He opens his mouth again but closes it after. Again, knowing what that means, it's obvious he's backing out even though he wants to continue on.

"What is it?" I ask him.

"Never mind," he tells me, confirming what I just thought.

"No, no, what do you mean? I wanna know," I tell him genuinely. "What do you mean 'Why now'?" I ask again.

Josh closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. Then, he looks away to look at... something at the corner of the mines. He shakes his head... as if responding to something... or someone.

Is he... Is he seeing things he shouldn't be seeing when he's not being all... manic? Is this normal for him? Can't he have a break?

Josh sighs, bringing me back to reality. "I was going to ask why you're just... why you... I—I mean... I mean, don't get me wrong, we're kinda okay now but... I want to know why... why now, you know? Why are you just apologizing now? About... about what happened to... t—to them."

Before I reply, he quickly continues.

"I know you apologized before. I mean, you said that you're sorry last year, the morning after it happened. But it wasn't as genuine as it did tonight. And I know you didn't mean for it to happen—the disappearance—but you weren't complete with your apology... Not like earlier... So... Why?... Why now?"

I blink once. Twice. Thrice.

"It's a stupid question, I know," Josh backtracks immediately after my fourth blink. "I don't need to talk about the elephant in the room. We both know what changed in the last twenty-four hours. I don't even know why I'm asking you this." He laughs nervously. "It's just fucking stupid. Don't answer it."

"Josh—" I start but he cuts me off.

"I know. I know, I know, I know. You don't have to tell me. You don't even have to explain anything anymore. I understand. Life changes us. I know," he says, shaking his head to emphasize his meaning. "I'm serious. I mean, I already know the answer. It's in my head. You don't have to explain yourself."

"Josh, come on—"

"Seriously, it's okay," he insists.

"Josh, listen to me!" I shout, wincing as my voice bounces off the rocky walls. I even feel Josh stiffen in surprise from the shout.

Oh God, I did it. The monster is gonna come back. I know it. It heard me. It's gonna come back. It's gonna come back and kill me! Kill both of us!

No. No. Josh was way worse earlier—louder, I mean, I'm just being over-dramatic. We can't have two crazy people down here in the mines. I need to keep my cool. I just have to pretend that I'm not scared out of my pants here.

What did Mike tell me?

"You know how to handle yourself. You might call it a front but... it's real," he said.

He said that. I can do it. Mike's right. I can keep my cool.

"Josh, look at me. I mean, really look," I tell him, waving my shaking hand all over my face when he looks at me. "You probably don't remember what happened when I first saw you down here, but you screamed like bloody murder when you saw me. It's why I didn't come any closer to your anymore after that. I know I look like hell bent over. Fuck, I even felt it happen. I know I probably look like a monster—" I blurt out.

"Don't think like that, Jess," he cuts me off firmly. "You're not a monster. You're not like that thing that dragged us here. I was just being stupid that time. You can't trust me when I'm going through an episode—"

At that, Josh closes his mouth quickly and looks away, shaking his head.

Well, he did scare the crap out of me with those episodes of his, but I'm not gonna tell him that. Besides, he's right. I can't trust him when he's going through it. I can't trust him with himself.

He's scared that he might hurt me when all he's been doing is hurting himself. I can't stop thinking of Josh clawing his own face.

I mean, we kinda look the same now except the scars on my face are deeper and larger—made by a supernatural monster. His is just smaller—made by a human—by himself.

Hmm, maybe you could say his scars were made by monsters, too. Monsters inside him. I wouldn't know what to do if he goes through that again.

"Josh, I've seen you in two episodes in one day. You don't have to be embarrassed about it with me anymore," I reassure him because that's what good people do, right? Not that I know how to be one.

"Yeah, well," he laughs humorlessly, "I am. Do you think I like having this around me?!" he asks me, gesturing at the space in front of us.

So, I was right. Even if he's not going through some sort of fit, he's seeing things. Fuck. How did none of us see this? How did his family not see this? I thought the Washingtons were a tight family?

"No," I whisper sadly, "I don't think you do."

Josh stares at me for a few moments and bites his lips before letting out a heavy sigh. I decide to continue on with the topic that made me ramble in the first place.

"Well, we went off-topic there, but all I'm saying, Josh, is that this—" I gesture at my face—"is a representation of how our lives are changed forever... and it will haunt me forever. And that night—the night we pranked your sisters—" He sucks in a breath—"is my fault."

"Jess—"

"Let me finish," I insist. When he doesn't speak, I continue, "It just... It never really sunk in until now how terrible it was—how terrible I was. I mean, if I'm being totally honest, I came here for the party. Not for you. Still think I'm a good friend to you? I don't think so."

"I was planning on taping you having sex with Mike," he points out.

"Because I had your sisters killed," I blurt out.

He looks away.

Fuck, what is wrong with me? Why am I saying all of this to him? He's not even mentally stable right now. And looking away from me? He still blames me. No matter how many times he tells himself that he forgives me, he doesn't. I can tell.

"I had to grow up eventually," I whisper. "And I'm sorry it came late... but Josh, I'm... I'm really sorry," my voice cracks.

Silence.

"Jess," he whispers, "I... I..."

"You don't have to say anything," I tell him, knowing he's having a hard time coming up with something to say.

"Okay," he simply replies with his eyes softening a bit.

He moves once more to sit back, settling down beside me. I tentatively wrap my arms around him and he wraps his arms around mine, my head resting on his chest, and his hand rubbing my back.

He's too good for anyone. If I was him, I wouldn't be this close to someone like me. I wouldn't be sitting beside the murderer of their siblings. But then again, it's too cold for such things such as pettiness.

No. I don't think he thinks of me as a friend. I think he just needs me for the warmth. I don't blame him.

"Thank you," he whispers beside me.

"No need to thank me, Josh. I'm being sincere," I tell him.

"Thank you for being sincere, then," he continues.

"Sure," I simply reply.

Poor Josh. The world is so against him and no one knows why. Speaking of...

"How long has this been going on?" I ask, gesturing stupidly at the space in front of us. "The... The hallucinations," I say the word hesitantly.

At the word, he looks at me sharply before looking away.

"I don't wanna talk about it," he says.

"It'll help. It can be our little secret. I mean, no one's here to hear it other than me, and when we get out of the mines, I won't tell anyone. I promise," I reassure him gently. "If we don't get out of the mines, at least... At least, someone knew of what's happening around you."

Josh sighs. "Why do you want to know?"

Fuck, what do I say to that? Because I'm curious? Because I'm scared?

"Because I'm worried."

"Of me," he sighs in a defeated tone.

"For you," I clarify. "I just... I want to know how long it's been going on."

"You won't like the answer to that," he tells me.

I move away from him a bit to look at him in the eye. He doesn't look at me. Instead, he keeps staring at his hand which is picking at a thread on his jeans.

Something drops at the pit of my stomach.

"It started since Hannah and Beth's disappearance, didn't it? Oh God, Josh," I exclaim.

"Now, you're putting more guilt on your shoulders," he says in a scolding manner, which surprises me. Shouldn't I be the one to blame for this?

"H—How did it start?" I slowly ask.

"Do you really wanna know? It'll only upset you. It does to me," Josh says worriedly.

Is he for real? Why is he so... nice to me? It makes me feel even worse. God, is this how killing with kindness really feels?

"Yes," I whisper in answer.

He shrugs, taking a deep breath before his hand starts tapping on top of his knee—clearly uncomfortable with the topic.

"It—God, I never told anyone about this before—but it started about a month after they disappeared... That's when people stopped waiting for any news about... about... But I... I just saw them... everywhere."

"Hannah and Beth?"

"Yeah," he says with a cracked voice.

"How?" I ask curiously.

"I dunno. Sometimes I just see Hannah crying in her room, and then Beth would come console her or something like that. Sometimes I'd see them laughing in the movie room in our house like they always did when they were watching some of dad's movies. I'd see them outside when I look through the window. They'd tell me to join them. I'd see them in every place they usually would be... and it sucks because sometimes I get fooled into thinking that they came back. That it was all a dream."

I keep silent because I don't know what to say.

"They're just so real... and... and beautiful but..." he stops and lets out a small sob before sniffing, quickly wiping the tear on his face.

"...But?" I ask hesitantly.

"They'd demand why I never saved them."

Fuck. I guess I'm not the only one placing guilt on one's own shoulders.

"You wouldn't believe what they are telling me right this second."

A shiver runs through my spine at the idea that Josh is going through with this thing right now. I keep forgetting that Josh can still see them even when he isn't going through an episode. He just looks so... normal right now. A year of practice with ignoring them, perhaps? God, to think that he still sees his sisters, and those apparitions killing him like that...

"What are they saying?"

He pauses before saying, "That I'm just making myself look even more pathetic to you."

"Josh, that's not true. You're not pathetic."

He laughs humorlessly. "The voices in my head say otherwise."

How many times did we joke about this before? Now, it scares me that he actually has voices in his head.

"Did you ever consider getting a... a psychiatrist or something?" I ask cautiously. "Isn't that what... what you can do for things like... like this?"

Great. I'm just ostracizing him for his mental problems. What the fuck is wrong with me? He'll probably think I want him thrown into a mental facility and locked away. He'll close himself up more. I'm really not good enough for this kind of talk. Sam should be the one talking to Josh right now. Not me.

"I already have a psychiatrist."

Oh. "What?"

"Yeah."

"How long?"

"That's confidential," he says before smiling. "Nah, I guess from everything we've been through, I think I can trust you with some of my secrets."

"You can. I won't tell anyone, I swear," I genuinely promise.

"All right. Well, let's see... I've been through five psychiatrists since I was eleven."

"Oh my God, Josh."

"Yeah... Been through a bunch of medications, too, but nothing really worked well for me."

Fuck. What do I say? "Well, after we get out of the mines, I can be someone you can talk to, if you want. I mean, we are going through hell right now, after all."

Josh actually laughs at that. "You're always so optimistic."

He's wrong about that.

"That's one of the reasons why I had a crush on you," he continues.

I look up at him in surprise. "What—Why are you—What the f—Josh?"

He laughs once more. "Are you honestly so surprised?"

"But... I mean... Why are you telling me this?" I ask.

"Nothing... It just came into my mind," he replies.

Oh, he wants to change the subject.

Josh continues on, "Still, you shouldn't be surprised. Everyone had a crush on you at some point or another."

I decide to go along with him right now. I'm guessing he's exhausted from all the emotional talks. I know I am.

"Yeah, sure, but it's different when you admit it," I say.

"Why is it different when I say it?"

"Not you, in particular... Just... It's different when a friend confesses a crush, you know? I was so shocked when Mike asked me out, to be honest. And come on, imagine Chris or Matt telling me they had a crush on me."

Josh hums. "Wait, no, on second thoughts, I take it back. Not everyone had a crush on you. Chris has had a crush on Ashley before he even saw you."

I laugh at that. "God, he's such a loyal puppy to her. That's some dedication right there. I'm sure they're together now, and I'm glad for that."

"Even with my methods?" he asks rather darkly.

"You... You could've done better, I guess," I admit.

He chuckles humorlessly. "Yeah."

I need to cheer him up or distract him, at least.

"So, what did you like about me?" I ask him.

"What?"

"Well, you said you had a crush on me, right? So, spill it. Besides my optimism, what did you like about me?"

"Rather narcissistic of you to ask me that, Jess."

"It's good to know what makes me look good in the eyes of another and not just my own, Josh," I reply back.

"All right, all right, you win. Let's see... Look, honestly, all four of you are total bombs and all... and Em and Ash are great, sure. It's just... I really have a thing for blondes."

"Blondes..." Something clicks in my head. This will confirm what the others and I have been betting on for a long time. "So you mean, me... and Sam?"

"...Yeah."

"Sam?"

"Yeah, you and... and Sam."

"You like her?"

"What? No!"

"Of course, you do."

"Wha—Where the hell did that idea even come from?" he defends himself rather poorly.

"Well, you kept saying that you had a crush on me—past tense. Plus, you're into blondes. You even said so yourself that you, at least, liked her at some point. I may not be a 4.0 grade student like Em, but I can do the math. It's not that hard," I tell him. Gossips and body-language observations? I'm the gal for that.

"Give yourself some more credit, Jess. You're pretty and smart, too, you know," Josh reassures.

"Yeah, I'm smart," I say, "smart enough to know that you're totally changing the subject." He huffs at that. "So, you and Sam, huh?"

"Fine. You win. I... like her," Josh says. "But it's not like she'll even look at me in the eye after... after..."

"Oh please, give Sam some more credit. If she can forgive me and Mike for what we did to Hannah and Beth—her best friends..."

I can already feel the heavy tension coming back.

"I made her watch it, you know."

"Watch what?"

"My fake death."

"Jesus fucking Christ, Josh."

"I know."

"What's that supposed to prove, anyway?"

"I—I don't know... If she cared enough, I guess? I wanted to see her reaction. To see how much she'll grieve for me. I haven't heard that much anguish in her voice in my life. But I didn't even give her the chance to grieve before I ran after her. I'm an idiot."

I don't answer. What do you say after that anyways?

Josh laughs. "She even threw a vase at me."

"What? Sam?"

He nods. "Pacifist, my ass. God, I screwed it up big time with her... With everyone, really."

"After this night? We both screwed up big time."

Disclaimer: I don't think any of the teenagers killed Hannah and Beth. The Makkapitew killed Hannah and Beth.