Dragon Ball Z Abridged is produced by Team Four Star and their collaborators, please check their channel out on Youtube if you want to see more of their content.
[DISCLAIMER]
KAISERNEKO: The following is a fan-based parody. DragonBall, DragonBall Z, and DragonBall GT are all owned by FUNimation, Toei Animation, and Akira Toriyama. Please support the official release.
(Scene opens up showing mountains followed by showing many wildlife until a Saiyan Space Pod comes crashing down at a distance, startling many ostriches and a farmer.)
Starrow chuckled remembering how she got to the planet.
FARMER: Oh God, no! My marijuana patch! I mean, er... my carrot patch... yeah! (thinking while driving towards the explosion) I better do what any sensible Middle American would do in this situation: (pulls out a rifle) Get mah gun!
(Space Pod opens up in a shiny light and Raditz emerges)
"This guy wasn't part of the team." Shakara said confused, "He kind of looks like Goku, but with vegeta widows peak." Paint commented, getting a chuckle out of a few others.
SPACE POD: Hello, and welcome to Earth... With open bar.
FARMER: Holy crap, it's Sonic the Hedgeho- Eh, no, it's an alien! Holy sh**, it's an alien!
RADITZ: Finally on this dead plan- (notices teeming wildlife) Wait... What the crap? Did Kakarrot screw this up? Oh god dammit, I knew we should've sent Turles.
"Who are Kakarot and Turles? You didn't mention those two." Starrow asked Shakara who lifted her hands and replied "There were no Kakarot or Turles! I never even heard of them."
FARMER: Better think of something cool to say to make him stop! (cocks shotgun while Raditz scans him with his scouter) Hey, you! (thinking to himself) Heh, genius farmer, genius!
RADITZ: Aw, look at him. He thinks he's people. What's your power level, little human? (checks his power level with scouter) Five, huh?
Oracle looked at the scouter Raditz was using and sighed, "That looks so badly built and unreliable." She judged and Virus couldn't help, but agree.
FARMER: Protect me, gun! (fires a shot at Raditz, who catches the bullet with his hand)
RADITZ: Hey! No! Bad human! (flings the bullet back at the farmer, sending him flying at towards his truck and killing him)
FARMER: (extreme quickly while flying towards his truck) Gah, I voted for Bush!
RADITZ: Bad! Now get back up and tell me you're sorry! Human? Huuuman? (sighs) So this is why Dad said I couldn't keep Appule...
This got a laugh out of everyone, but Starrow was confused, "Why was he so weak? Even the humans on Remnant are more powerful", hearing this got everyone wondering, but then decided to just leave it to the fact that they trained better than these humans.
(opening sequence; scene shifts to a wasteland, where Piccolo is standing on top of a pleateau)
Oracle looked at Piccolo and asked Shakara "Is this one Piccolo? You said he was green." Shakara nodded and said "He's an incredible idiot, he thought a bug person was invisible." this got Tamaka to laugh, and Nezumi added "He's a pretty good fighter though, and he drinks only water so low maintenance.", and this made everyone burst out laughing.
PICCOLO: Good ol' wasteland! Yep! Sure is some kickass training!... Dammit, I'm lonely. Might as well check MySpace. (opens up his MySpace page) No new comments... No friend requests... Dammit. Well at least I have you, Tom. You're always there for me.
Everyone stopped laughing when they saw this, "Wow, he's... Incredibly lonely." Avaritia said, Starrow agreed, but also threw in this little little tidbit "Just like you were when we first met.", Avaritia wasn't amused and she pouted like a child.
RADITZ: Hey! You!
PICCOLO: What the hell?
RADITZ: Are you Kakarrot? Seriously if you are, stay still! I need to talk to you about killing and selling this planet! It's really important! Oh, wait a second; you're not Kakarrot. My bad!
PICCOLO: I've got green skin, pointy ears and a turban. Oh yeah, I must look like so many other people!
"The data I got from analyzing the humans in Remnant confirms that they have a 0,00000000001% chance to be green, as long as oxigen doesn't flow correctly." Oracle informed, Anomaly turned to her and told her "Every living thing will turn green eventually if they don't breathe... Except you Aunt Oracle."
RADITZ: Oh, a smartass, huh? I don't appreciate smartasses. Prepare yourself for my signature attack: Double Sun-
(Screen suddenly turns monochrome and the scene pauses)
'What' was the unanimous thought at the moment.
VEGETA3986: No!
LANIPATOR: Huh?
VEGETA3986: Give me the mic!
Dreamiv looked at the screen and stuttered "Are-are these voice actors?"
LANIPATOR: What-? No-come on, man!
VEGETA3986: Dude- Give me the mic!
Tamaka scratched the back of her head, amused at the ridiculousness of the situation.
(A picture of the original DragonBall appears on screen with the words 'We are experiencing technical difficulties' superimposed over the top and bottom.)
LANIPATOR: It's a real attack na-
VEGETA3986: NO IT ISN'T!
LANIPATOR: Fine! Here, take it. I'll just go practice my Vegeta. Ass!
"Holy..." Nightmare King muttered, Hatsu was a bit more irritated however "They have a script, right? They were following a script, RIGHT!?" The show woman exclaimed.
(Scene rewinds and starts over)
RADITZ: (in a different voice) Now prepare yourself for my signature attack: Keep Your Eye on the Bir- (scouter beeps) Oooh! A higher power level!
Shakara shook her head in disapproval and commented "Whoever this Raditz is, he sucks as a fighter." Nezumi nodded in agreement, "Why did he even come to their planet? To conquer it or something? Give us some context!" Zettai lamented before Virus put a handful of popcorn in her mouth.
(Raditz flies higher in the air and looks around)
PICCOLO: (off-screen) Hey! What the hell! Weren't you going to kill me?
RADITZ: Ah, there we go. Considering the average set by this one green guy and that farmer, the chances of this being Kakarrot are- Dah, screw it, I'll just go and check!
This had Tamaka laughing her ass off, "Whe- When in doubt, go check, you'll never fail, guarantee." the Priroda said before going back to laughing.
(Raditz flies off)
PICCOLO: Fine! Go ahead! I didn't want your company anyway! Right Tom?
(scene changes to Kame House with Bulma's ship arriving and Bulma walking towards the front door)
BULMA: Hey, I'm here!
KRILLIN: BOOBS! I mean, Bulma!... Hi!
Most of the viewers just looked at Krillin with an unamused face, but Shakara said "I have to admit, she does have a nice rack, but I prefer hips.", Tauira looked at Shakara and hugged her, blushing all the while.
BULMA: Oooooooookaaaaaaaay, how's it going?
MASTER ROSHI: I'm drinking OJ! (cup changes to brown) Now it's apple juice! (cup changes to orange) Now it's beer! Yay beer! (chugs down beer)
Dreamiv saw the drink change color and commented "I thought they couldn't use magic?", Nezumi turned to him ready to reply, but saw that he fell asleep, "I get that he's a Yumeko, but dear Shiva Samba, do all of them fall asleep like this?" Tauira asked, "He fell asleep while we were doing it, you tell me." Paint responded, getting many confused looks.
KRILLIN: So where's Yamcha?
BULMA: I think the bastard's cheating on me!
"Is that a fact or an assumption?" Starrow wondered
KRILLIN: Why do you say that?
(flashback of Bulma walking in on Yamcha)
YAMCHA: (appears as a silhouette) Bulma! It's not what it looks li- oh okay, it's totally what it looks like. Can I still live here? Please? Before this I was living in the desert. Oh, and did you change Puar's litterbox yet?
"Hey! What ze fusk do yu zink yu'r doing!? At least losk he door! Don't make ze lady kry nov!" Nezumi scolded in a weird language, "Не кричите так громко! Середина ночи!" Anomaly scolded Nezumi for yelling, "Wow... At least Tauira and Shakara don't do that daily" Thinner said.
PUAR: (appears as a silhouette) I made boom-boom!
Avaritia got a grimace from that, "There was a Furiko wandering around the castle some time ago, it used to do it's 'boom boom' on the trees outside, it wasn't a pleasant smell." She explained, Nightmare King got curious and asked "What happened to the Furiko?", Avaritia pointed to the carpet that was in the room, making everyone notice that it was Furiko skin, "Alright."
(back to present)
KRILLIN: Oh, are you serious? Yamcha? Oh, that is so out of char- so you're single then? (Paint: Sure, now that she just broke up.)
(Goku jumps off Nimbus walks towards the front door)
GOKU: Hey guys! (Oracle: Is this Goku?/ Shakara: Yeah, told you he had weird hair.)
(Bulma opens the door with Krillin running up after her)
BULMA: Goku!
KRILLIN: TAIL- eh, wait, what?
Shakara did a double take to make sure she wasn't seeing things, and confirmed that the child had a tail, "Goku is a Sayian in case I didn't tell, but I didn't know they have tails." She told the others, "Maybe They fall off, the opposite of Shujians" Nezumi suggested
(Goku laughs and holds up his arm, in his other arm, there is a small toddler with a tail clinging onto Goku)
BULMA: Uh Goku. I can't help but notice that five-year-old you're carrying.
KRILLIN: Goku, just because we picked you up in the middle of the woods when you were a kid doesn't mean you can go around stealing children.
Avaritia laughed at this and said "That's basically what I did with Shakara when you think about it.", this caused Shakara to get a bit uncomfortable, "Mom, don't say it like that, ever again, please." She asked, Paint and Thinner nodded in agreement while Dreamiv and Oracle were dumbfounded, they were never told that.
GOKU: Erm, okay. (places Gohan on the ground) This is actually my son.
Shakara and Nezumi were surprised, "Gohan? How old is this show?" Nezumi asked, "Pretty old, that aside, Gohan? That guy with lot's of potential you mentioned is this kid? He barely looks to be 2" Hatsu commented.
(Krillin, Bulma and Master Roshi are shocked along with the head of M. Night Shyamalan popping up)
M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN: What a twist!
Anomaly wondered what the shock was about, but didn't expect what they heard right after.
BULMA: Oh wow! I guess this means you finally, you know.
GOKU: Know what?
MASTER ROSHI: (appearing right next to Goku) You know, "Bow chicka wow wow."
GOKU: (completely oblivious) What are those noises you're making?
BULMA, MASTER ROSHI: (thinking simultaneously) Oh my God, he's a parent! (Anomaly: Oh my God, he's a parent!)
KRILLIN: So when's the little guy gonna start training?
(Gohan is seen playing with Turtle)
GOKU: Actually, Chi-Chi is making him study. She wants him to grow up and be... what's it called?
KRILLIN: A productive and responsible member of society?
GOKU: Yeah- lame, that's it! (Zettai: I have to agree with Hatsu, I can't believe this guy didn't grow up into a wimp.) (to Gohan) Hey son, come here! (Gohan runs towards Goku) Stop playing with the turtle! We don't need people saying things...
BULMA: Hey, is that a DragonBall on his head? (Virus: What's a Dragon Ball again?/ Shakara: Wish granting orb, seven of them, magic dragon, give or take one year to recharge) Doesn't that sorta make him a target for villains who might want them?
GOKU: Aw, come on. I beat Piccolo. I'm strong enough to beat anyone who- (senses a disturbance) holy black on a Popo, what is that?!
MASTER ROSHI: What's wrong?
GOKU: I just felt a power level bigger than... than... Krillin's losing streak!
Starrow laughed at this "What!? Why is that the first thing he thinks about!?" She managed to say before starting to laugh again.
KRILLIN: (off-screen) ...You know, you guys are the reason I go to therapy...
Everyone took it as a joke and chuckled, but Tauira thought "Poor guy."
GOKU: (thinks) He's getting closer!
KRILLIN: Shouldn't we grab Gohan and put him insi- (Raditz flies down in front of the group) Oh son of a...
RADITZ: It took me a while to get here, but I finally found you, Kakarrot.
"Wait, his name isn't Goku?" Shakara muttered, "Didn't Vegeta call him Kakarot?" Nezumi remembered.
GOKU: ...What?
RADITZ: That's right, that's your name.
GOKU: ...What?
Zettai got annoyed and said "Wow this guy must be really old because he's f**ing senile!", Virus promptly punched her in the head.
RADITZ: The name you were given before we sent you to this planet!
GOKU: ...What?
RADITZ: Yooouuu... hit your head as a child, didn't you?
(flashback of Goku banging his head as a baby)
Tauira winced at that, remembering how she too fell of a tree once, "Down a cliff, I guess that will do." Nightmare King commented.
GOKU: ...What?
RADITZ: Oh for god's sakes, listen! (display montage of Goku's Space Pod travelling to Earth and a group of Saiyans) You were sent here as a child to take over the planet. You're part of a dead race of intergalactic super warriors called the Saiyans. And to top off this expositional onslaught; I... am your brother!
(Shows the shocked faces of Goku, Bulma, Krillin, and Master Roshi. A crab falls off a tree in total surprise)
The viewers were just as surprised, "He has a brother!?" Paint and Thinner exclaimed at the same time, "No he doesn't! I think..." Shakara responded, Tamaka looked t her younger sister and asked "What do you mean you think? Was he there or not?" and Shakara replied "No!"
KRILLIN: So you're his brother, huh? (walks up towards Raditz) Wow, that must mean you'll be involved in lots of future events, right? Right?
"I can see where this is going from a mile away" Dreamiv thought.
(Raditz hits Krillin with his tail, sending him flying straight into Kame House)
(Krillin Owned Count: 1)
Seeing the owend count caused all of them to laugh, "Okay I see! It's going to be a trend" Avaritia summed up.
KRILLIN: What did I say?
GOKU: Hey! Stop hitting Krillin!
RADITZ: Why?
GOKU: Because you're breaking Kame House!
Virus laughed before stating "He's got his priorities set!"
KRILLIN: (offscreen, weakly) Yeah... Stop breaking Kame House...
GOKU: So, what are you here for? The Dragon Balls?
RADITZ: The... the dragon's what?
GOKU: The Dragon Balls, you know? There are seven of them. They grant any wish you want- like immortality?
OOLONG: Or Bulma's panties!
"What the hell are panties?" Shakara, Tauira, Nezumi and Anomaly asked at thee same time, "*Breathes in* Not even going to humor that." Paint said.
(cuts to Vegeta and Nappa on an unknown planet)
NAPPA: Vegeta, did you hear that?
VEGETA: Oh yeah, we're totally going to Earth to get our wish!
NAPPA: Yeah, we're gonna get panties! (Zettai: I can't stand this guy already. I hope he dies./ Virus: I would hit you on the head, but I have to agree.) ...I mean immortality. Immortality is what I meant, right Vegeta?
VEGETA: ...Just get in the damn pod!
(cuts back to Kame House. Raditz walks towards Kame House while Bulma picks up Gohan and moves away.)
RADITZ: No... I'm here for you, Kakarrot.
GOKU: So, what are we gonna do? See a ballgame? Catch a movie?
Starrow facepalmed whie Hatsu said "I'm positive that's not it, but like, super not it, so not it that its not even wearing clown makeup." She may have slipped a reference there, but no one got it.
RADITZ: We're going to kill everyone on the planet and then sell it for profit to an alien overlord who may or may not have destroyed our own planet. (scene shows a planet flashing and then exploding)
At this point Starrow was completely done with hearing this exchange and yelled "BLISTERIN' BARNACLES! THE STUPIDITY RUNS IN THE FAMILY!", Avaritia smirked and said "Wow you didn't talk like that ever since we first met.", this got Starrow to smile too.
GOKU: Oh. Well, uh, I sorta like people here, so with all due respect- (Raditz knees Goku in the stomach, sending him flying and screaming as he comes crashing down into the ground)
GOHAN: (runs towards Goku) Daddy!
RADITZ: (walks up and grabs Gohan) I'll be taking this! Yoink! (flies away holding Gohan in his arm)
GOKU: (weakly) Quick! Somebody stop him! (crickets chirp in silence) Dammit, Krillin!
"They're all idiots!" All of them exclaimed.
KRILLIN: Hey! I was bitch-slapped through a house! What's your excuse?!
GOKU: I was kneed in the stomach!
(Krillin gasps and looks into the sky)
PICCOLO: You guys are pathetic! (Paint: I agree! 100%!) (Goku gasps while everyone looks at the sky and stares at Piccolo) ...What?
(Piccolo lands in front of the group)
GOKU: Aw jeez... Hey look, I know you totally wanna kill me and all, but today's kind of a bad day. My brother just showed up, turns out I'm an alien, he stole my kid!
PICCOLO: Oh yeah; I was watching that! That was priceless! (Piccolo starts laughing while Krillin and Master Roshi stare at him in disbelief) ...Sorry for your loss.
Nezumi looked at Piccolo in confusion, "I thought they were friends?" She said and got a reply from Tauira "Not everyone starts as a friend."
GOKU: Yeah. Anyway, wanna help me get him back?
PICCOLO: Whyyyyy?
GOKU: I'll friend you on MySpace!
(Piccolo stares blanky at Goku and then the scene suddenly shifts to Goku and Piccolo flying towards Raditz)
PICCOLO: (in his thoughts) Tom, you've been replaced!
Avaritia looked a bit mortified and lowered her head, but Starrow hugged her tomake her feel better.
(ending sequence)
[STINGER]
(Master Roshi is seen holding a Crunch bar)
MASTER ROSHI: Now it's a Nestlé Crunch bar! (Crunch bar turns into a gummi bear) Now it's a gummi bear! (gummi bear turns into Nappa's head) Now it's Nappa!
NAPPA: Wait, what the hell?
"Isn't that one of the Saiyans?" Thinner asked, "Yes it is, and that was episode one, let's move on to the next one, cause we got 68 episodes, 8 movies, 5 summaries and 26 shorts left to watch!" Hatsu exclaimed before moving on to episode two.