Levi

There is this funny thing about regrets: no matter how many times you tell yourself you don't give a shit, they keep nagging at you like a hoard of mosquitos buzzing right above your ear. No matter how much you try to ignore them, they rub on you like rough wool on sensitive skin. Irritating, like a coffee stain on a clear glass table. Bitter, like a rotten side of an apple.

And I had too many of those to keep on living like a sane person. I was helpless for the bigger part of my life. For one reason or another. Losing those I loved, putting my life in danger, hurting those who didn't deserve that… Being left alone when I desperately needed company.

I knew all too well how it felt to be left soaking in your own misery. Dealing with your own demons was harder than facing actual monsters outside the Walls. You were left to fight your battles alone when your biggest enemy was your own wrecked mind. And when it turned on you, there was nowhere to run. How could you stop that flood of poisonous memories that only hurt you? How could you free your head from what caused the most pain when it was also the last thing keeping you alive?

I knew it all too well.

All those questions kept coming, no matter that there could be no answers to them. All those hours spent shutting down emotions until all that was left was this empty shell of a man capable of doing all sorts of despicable things. I was once there after Kenny'd left me in the Underground. He was that solid ground I'd stood upon until the moment he disappeared. I knew how to survive. I was taught to steal, fight and kill. I was taught to stomp on people's heads if need be, only to reach something I wanted.

That is, until Farlan and Isabel, who'd shown me other ways of living.

I resented myself for losing them. No matter the hours spent fighting those maddening thoughts, I still knew it was my fault they died. There was always something more I could've done to save those who mattered.

Could've. Should've. Would've.

Hadn't.

And I still resented Kenny for doing that to me. Leaving me with this one question I didn't get to ask him.

Why did he leave me alone all those years ago?

I was a monster this life created with the help of Kenny's hand. All my best parts were ripped out by the need to survive. But it didn't have to be the same for Verity. If there was still time, I would stop it.

If I still could, I would save her.

Verity sat in the chair, following my command without a second thought. She'd stopped trembling somewhere in the past hour when I'd got her out from the Underground. The moment those damned gates closed behind our backs, her body relaxed, sagging into my side as if she was about to lose consciousness. She didn't speak and wouldn't meet my eyes when we got into the coach, sitting quietly on the opposite bench and hugging my coat close to her body.

I wouldn't force her to talk back then. Not until we were somewhere safe, like my rooms in the Scout's castle. But she didn't react in any way when I led her through the long dim-lit corridors. Neither did she beat an eyelash when I led her into my antechamber and situated her on one of the guest chairs in front of my desk. She reluctantly picked up a teacup I'd placed on the table in front of her, taking a sip silently.

She didn't look scared or hurt but rather vacant, as though her thoughts had entered that foggy emotionless state, her body following orders and acting on pure instinct rather than conscious thought. I watched her for a few long moments, letting the surroundings sink in and hoping that she would return back to her ordinary self. But minutes ticked by, and she didn't move, staring into the edge of the desk as though having a conversation with it. I sighed, deciding to give her some space, and took a sip of my own tea, picking up the first report from the ever-growing pile on my desk.

I wasn't sure how long it took, but at some point, Verity shifted in the chair and returned the cup to the saucer. I glanced at her above the soldiers' stationary report I was reading. She was as pale as a ghost, and her eyes looked puffy from all the crying. She straightened her posture and raised her chin up, locking down all the emotions she couldn't process. I shoved the papers away.

That wouldn't do.

"What was that?" I asked, fighting to keep my voice calm and understanding. But no matter my efforts, some of the annoyance I felt slipped into it, and Verity's gaze hardened in response. "If you tell me you slipped in front of your captor's house, I will make you clean the stables of the entire Scout's regiment for a month."

"I slipped," she bit out, meeting my gaze defiantly. I almost chuckled. Almost.

"Right. Unlucky coincidence, was it?" I huffed, leaning back in my chair. She turned away from my studying gaze and looked out of the window into the settling night. Silence stretched, but she wouldn't return my glare. "Kenny was my uncle." I offered with a sigh. That got her attention. Verity's head snapped in my direction, her eyes wide with shock. "I was born in the Underground to his sister. My mother died when I was around five. Kenny happened to find me and took me in. He trained me to survive there, taught me to fight and then left me there alone." I said, watching Verity's face sulk with every word. Her lower lip quivered, and she bit down on it, not uttering a word. "This is that unfinished business Kenny and I had. This is why he attempted to kill me. Partly out of spite and partly because he wanted to test me. He trained me well. May that bastard rest in peace."

"You too," Verity mumbled under her breath. "You were also his puppet."

"I was mostly a thorn in his ass. But he kept you close for a long time. There must be a reason for that." I said, and Verity chuckled, laughter never meeting her eyes.

"Yeah, it takes time to tame a lap dog to do your bidding," she said bitterly. I shook my head.

"Kenny had plenty of resources to find someone else to do his dirty work for him. He kept you close because he cared. Whether or not he liked it." Verity looked at me, her eyes glistening with the unshed tears.

"You know what I had to do to survive," she started, fighting to keep her voice steady. "Yet, you try to fool me into believing that Kenny cared about anyone but himself?"

"No. What I'm trying to say is that if he wanted to replace you, he would've. But he kept you close."

She laughed. "You are horribly mistaken if you believe that. Do you know what was the last thing he said to me? If you cross my path, you will regret ever surviving that night back in the Underground."

"Is that what holds you back from forgiving him?"

"What?"

I sighed, frustrated with this conversation. I was never the best choice to talk about feelings. I could barely figure out my own, let alone those of others. But she needed help, and I would be damned if I didn't stay by her side. "We all have the ghosts of the past that follow our every step and watch over our shoulders. We all have regrets, and we all suffer from the pains of the past. But at some point, you must learn to move forward, or they will swallow you whole."

"Why are you doing this? Why are you wasting your time with me when you no doubt have much more important things to do."

"Importance is subjective."

She stared at me for a long moment. "Are you saying that this is important to you? That I am important?"

"You are one of my people."

"I see. You needn't worry. I will be alright." Verity abruptly stood up, getting ready to leave.

"You're not alone in your hurt."

"It feels like that, though. I hurt everyone when I followed Kenny's order. You, Hange, the whole team… They won't even talk to me again."

"It can be fixed."

"How?" Verity asked.

"I just happen to have an idea for that."

Verity

Bright yellows and reds spilled over the skies, rushing the dark hues of the night away. The forest was quiet and calming. The shuffling of leaves on a soft wind and the quiet murmur of the nearby stream made my mind relax. Leather strips tied around the bow handle lay comfortably against my palm. The soft rustle of the arrow's feathers tickled my fingers as I clasped its tail onto the string.

Archery had this magnificent effect on me. The moment I had a target in sight, my mind cleared of all thoughts, and my body focused on one thing it had to do - perform a perfect shot. Raising my bow, I straightened my back. My fingers pulled on the string, and I ignored the sharp bite of it against my skin, tangible even through the thick leather glove I wore. My back muscles strained as I pulled on the string, and the tip of my pointer finger met the corner of my lip as I aimed. The rabbit stepped into the clearing, rustling the underbrush. It looked around carefully. I could feel its unnerved gaze land on me, staying in the shade of the tall oak tree, taking aim. Finally disregarding me, it hurried forward to the stack of treats the Captain had placed. Just when the rabbit neared them and sniffed, I readied to take the shot.

Holding my breath, I mentally inventoried my position, noting my elbows and spine, double-checking my aim before shooting. The string slipped easily from the tips of my fingertips, and the arrow took flight. A quiet crack sounded as the string slapped into the curved shoulders of the bow, and the handle vibrated from the impact. I lowered my weapon, watching crimson drops sparkle on the grass in the rising sun.

My peace offering was ready.

I glanced at the Captain, unnerved by the settled silence. He met my gaze and raised his eyebrows in question.

I had to do it on my own. He'd done everything to help me get here. The rest was on me.

My eyes roamed the faces of my teammates, noting their expressions. Mikasa looked as stoic as if she was about to face off with a female titan again. Armin and Conny seemed uncomfortable, based on the fast glances they were throwing in Captain's direction. Sasha jumped in her seat, impatient to see what this gathering was all about and probably, going crazy with the smell of the dinner I'd prepared with the help of the Captain. Eren didn't meet my eyes once, opting to play a staring contest with his plate. And Jean… Well, water could've boiled from the heated rage soaking his gaze.

I cleared my throat and readied for the unpleasant but unavoidable talk. "I gathered you all here today to apologize." I started, instantly afraid to meet anyone's gaze. So instead, I looked at the Captain, focusing on his bored expression. "I betrayed your trust and turned my back on you. It took me way too long to realize my mistakes and attempt to right all the wrongs I'd already committed. So this dinner is my peace offering. And I will answer all of your questions about my past and actions that led us all here." I rushed the words out, unable to slow down the nerves playing in my blood.

The silence that followed felt impressively heavier than before. I risked a glance in Eren's direction. He didn't look angry per se, but the scowl he wore made the sorrow pull in my stomach. I swallowed hard and forced my chin high. I had to get through this if I wanted to be a part of this team once again. I had to do it for the Special Ops Squad.

So I told them everything, sparing some details of the things I had to endure in my childhood, but keeping close enough to the truth. They listened as I spoke, laying down my past in front of them as a list of facts I could've read in one of the books in the Scout's library. No one interrupted. No one asked questions. They just listened to my weak explanations justifying my betrayal. I did my best to sound detached, but no matter my attempts, my voice quivered when I reached the part where Kenny passed.

Even after visiting the Underground and talking about it with the Captain, losing Kenny felt painfully raw. I wouldn't admit it to anyone, but his death had cracked something deep inside me. And I had serious doubts even time could glue them back together.

"So, that's it?" Eren asked, and I looked at him, trying to hide away the hope that blossomed in my chest. I nodded, unable to speak, and he looked away, contemplating my words. "You chose Kenny's side because he raised you. Because he was like a father to you." He stated, and his tone made my insides ice over.

I opened my mouth to speak, but Mikasa beat me to it. "I understand," she breathed, her voice uncharacteristically soft. I met her eyes, and the familiar pain looked back at me from within her toughened exterior.

"No," Armin interjected, looking thoughtful. "Verity simply did what she thought was right at that exact moment."

"And I've regretted it ever since," I added quietly, meeting Captain's eyes. He nodded slightly to me, and I released a breath I didn't know I had held. I did well. I came clean.

"So what if she regrets it now?" Asked Jean, raising his voice. "Are we supposed to trust a traitor?"

"She is not a traitor," came another voice from behind my back. I swirled around, only to find Hange sitting at the edge of the empty dinner table behind me. She smiled weakly at me, and her gaze moved back to Jean, her eyes hardening. "She is but a human who'd made a poor choice of who to trust."

I swallowed loudly, fighting the burning in my eyes. Jean kept silent, his eyes downcast. The silence stretched for a long moment.

"Is it okay to eat now?" Sasha asked suddenly, and all the eyes turned to her. Red touched her cheeks at all the attention, but she didn't relent. "The smell is killing me! What is it?" She nodded toward the cauldron that I'd placed in the middle of the dining table. It stood there long enough for the steam to stop coming out of the slit under the lid. I smiled at her, suddenly excited to share my hunting achievements.

Lifting the lid, I let the smell of the rabbit stew dance around the hungry mouths, and settle around the table, before picking up the first of the empty metal bowls and pouring a handful of the soup into it. I handed it to Sasha, and the look of pure ecstasy that shone on her face warmed my heart. She latched onto her food, not giving much shits about the annoyed glance Jean sent her way. I continued to pour more stew into the empty bowls and give them out to my teammates. Pieces of rabbit meat swam around the broth, and I divided it as equally as I possibly could.

"If you cook more of this, I will forgive you for breeding the titans themselves," mumbled Hange around the mouthful. I chuckled, throwing a contemplating gaze toward Jean, who'd picked his spoon but hadn't taken a bite, glaring into the bowl in front of him.

I settled into the chair while the rest of the team fell into the light chatter around the meal. Glancing at the Captain, I noticed that he also didn't take a bite of the food I'd prepared. I bit my lower lip, fighting off the urge to ask him if my cooking wasn't to his liking, when another question danced on the forefront of my mind, demanding attention. Unable to stifle it, I dared a look at his profile. He kept sipping his tea, as he did more often than not. In fact, I could barely record times when he didn't have a cup in hand.

"What is it?" He asked, and I cringed at being caught staring so immaturely.

"I was just thinking," I started, picking up a spoon and dipping it into my bowl. "Were you avoiding me after I shared my story with you?" The question burned on my tongue, but I couldn't keep it inside any longer. I had to know the answer.

I could feel Captain's gaze travel my face as I did my best to act interested in my food. He didn't reply for a long moment, and my thoughts ran wild with the potential answer. Was it that I disgusted him now that he knew the truth about my past? Was he pitying me? Was he angry?

Captain sighed, and his voice sounded strained when he finally replied. "I was angry." My heart stopped, and my vision blurred. I was right, after all. He did, in fact, hate me. "I needed time to process it and deal with some other things that came up. Don't overthink it."

I looked up at him. Captain sat casually, his left arm draped over the back of the chair. He lifted his teacup, his fingers going over the brim instead of curling around the cup handle. He was frowning, and my heart skipped a bit when I saw the corners of his lips tighten as if in a ghost of a smile. "Stop staring at me. It's annoying."

My lips tugged with the responding smile, and I did my best to hide it behind the spoonful of rabbit stew. I swallowed the first bite and coughed loudly, fighting to keep the food down.

"Fuck," I whispered into my bowl. At the sound of the Captain chuckling, my head swirled, and I stared at him with annoyance.

"You should go easy on the salt next time."

Petra would've been proud of me.

Mikasa paced in front of the Captain and me, clutching her swords in a death grip. I smirked, glancing around her into the clearing where Eren tried to follow Hange's command to transform for a hundredth time.

"That's it," Mikasa said on the exhale, readying to jump off the hill we stood on, when Captain grabbed her by the arm, freezing her in place. She glared at him, and if it was me on the receiving end of that look, I would seriously consider my chances of survival. But the Captain regarded her with a bored stare, jerking her away from the cliff's edge.

"Stop worrying. Hange knows what she's doing."

"Does she?" Mikasa asked, her voice rising with hysterical notes. I frowned at her and then looked at Hange and Eren again. He didn't seem hurt or even tired but rather frustrated at the squad commander's orders.

"Hey, look. He is okay," I interjected, pointing to Eren, who'd pulled himself off the ground near the steaming titan carcass and bit at his arm to transform again. Bright light erupted, and I covered my eyes as his titan came to life, and a loud roar spread through the clearing before us.

When I looked down again, Hange was gesturing at Eren excitedly before she turned away and sprinted out of sight. I frowned. "What is she planning now?"

"What do you think?" sighed Captain, releasing Mikasa, who turned to watch the scene unravel, her posture rigid.

Hange returned a moment later, carrying something that reminded me of a syringe if only it was ten times smaller. This thing was almost as tall as Hange, and she struggled to carry it to where Eren's titan stood, kneeling on the clearing floor. She yelled something at him, but I couldn't distinguish the words. Mikasa cursed under her breath and jumped off, heading to Hange and Eren and, ignoring Captain's commands, yelled at her back. I met Captain's gaze, and he rolled his eyes, seeing my worried expression.

"What did you expect when you told her about the titan's spinal fluid?" He asked, and my gut twisted into a painful knot. I told her all that lord Reiss said back in the cave. But I was not expecting Hange to act upon it. Now that I thought of it, it was ridiculously stupid of me. Of course, she would try to get her hands on some of that titan juice to perform experiments.

I looked at the Captain; terror was clearly written on my face, as he smirked at me, shifting his gaze to Hange fighting with Mikasa a couple dozen feet below us. "You don't think…" I stopped, unable to form words.

"Yep. Just throw her a bone, and she will skin the next animal alive." Was Captain's only reply, as Moblit attempted to shove Mikasa away so that Hange could near Eren.

I couldn't just watch. So, following my gut instinct, I jumped off the cliff, swinging off the nearest tree and landing softly in the tall grass. I sprinted toward Hange and Mikasa, yelling at each other.

"No way in hell you are doing this! You can seriously hurt him!" Mikasa screamed, shoving Moblit away.

"He is in his titan form. What can possibly happen?" Hange protested, nearing Eren, who dropped to the ground with his back facing us, accepting his role in Hange's experiments.

"Hange, are you sure this is necessary?" I asked softly as she neared Eren's back, trying to balance a syringe in her arms.

"What other options do we have? We've gotta learn as much as we can. Otherwise, it's all pointless," She stated, positioning the needle above Eren's skin. "Don't move, Eren. This might hurt a little."

The needle went in, and Eren's titan groaned. Hange shooshed him while she struggled to pull the spinal fluid out of his body. I watched her, cringing, as Mikasa screamed bloody murder behind me. But I couldn't deny the reasoning behind Hange's words.

We needed to learn as much as we could about the Titans. So this was a necessary sacrifice.

I'd never seen the dining hall this packed. All the tables were taken, and people stuffed chairs closer to each other to fit ten-twelve people, where eight was the max capacity. New recruits overwhelmed the Scout's HQ. Recent events built quite an image of scouts, painting us no less than great saviors of humankind. The weight of all the expectations pulled at my shoulders, even though I knew I wasn't the target for them. The Commander, the Captain, Hange, Eren... They were who people put all of their hopes on.

Straightening my back, I focused on the food tables. The rationale was the same as usual — wheat porridge with sweet peas and pieces of boiled potatoes. Stuffy enough to fill one's stomach but as tasteless as eating dirt. Picking up my plate, I turned to the hall, searching for a place to sit. My team took the table to the far left of the entrance. But as far as I could tell, there was no space to put another chair in. I could spot Hange's messy ponytail at the table nearby as she threw her head back, laughing. My gaze roamed the room further, noticing one free chair at the table with new recruits. Sighing, I headed that direction, silently praying that newbies won't find any interest in me while I devour my food as fast as possible.

I took a seat, smiling at the red-haired guy, who turned to observe me. He immediately returned my smile and scooted his chair to the side so that I could have more space. Thanking him, I focused on my meal, purposefully staring into the plate. The guy didn't get that memo, though.

"You are from the Levi's squad, aren't you?" He asked cheerfully. I nodded, glancing at him over the raised spoonful of porridge. "That's so cool. I heard so many stories about his leadership. He always gets the best of the best for his team. You must be great with your ODM," he winked at me and laughed half-heartedly. I didn't reciprocate his humor. His comment stung, even though I was sure he didn't mean it that way. Forcing another smile on my face, I looked straight ahead, collecting myself. My gaze jumped from person to person, stopping on Hange's back. Her table was just next to mine, and I could clearly see her sharing a conversation with… the Captain. They sat right in front of me, and if it was less noisy, I would be able to even hear what they talked about. Captain sipped his drink, and Hange stuffed her face with the porridge as though it was the best of meals. She said something then, and the Captain turned to face her. His stark profile wore a common mask of boredom, but a twist to the corners of his lips told me he actually enjoyed the conversation.

A hard twist to my insides made me drop my spoon. It fell into the bowl, splashing the contents on the table. I looked down, watching the sipping stains on the wrinkly wood of the dinner table grow bigger as the liquid ran from the chunky wheat clumps. I couldn't tell why it suddenly bothered me to watch them having fun. But it did. He'd never smiled at me like that. So unbothered and effortless. With me, it was always strained, as though someone shoved a stick deep up his ass. Or he would smirk in that annoying way of his, which made me feel small and stupid. The rare smiles pointed at me had always borne a twinge of sadness behind them, seriousness I could clearly see shining in his eyes.

A sudden wish to be on the receiving end of his affection overwhelmed me. I had to close my eyes for a moment and focus on my breathing as my heart bit a painful staccato against my ribs. A light touch to my shoulder jerked me out of it, and I swirled toward a scared-looking newbie. "Are you alright? You suddenly spaced out." Swallowing the bitterness gathered on my tongue, I nodded and showed a spoonful of the porridge into my mouth. "I'm Floch, by the way."

"Verity."

"I know. I saw you at the practice grounds the other day," he said with a pitiful smile. I raised my brows at him while my brain worked hard, trying to remember what it was I could've possibly done to achieve this expression.

Ah, right. The crushing incident with Jean. Great. My fame precedes me.

"Don't worry about it. Up to the last moment, your skills were scaringly impressive. I even dropped the exercise we were ordered to do to watch you fly," He said, noticing my soured expression. "I mean, you are in Levi's team, after all. It's only natural you are the best of the best."

"Right," I said, thinking of how exactly I ended up in Captain's team. Skills, my ass.

"You were a transfer from MPs, right?" Floch continued with his questioning, and I stared at him in surprise.

"How did you…"

"Oh, you wouldn't believe the amount of gossip going around the new recruits regarding the veteran teams." He waved his hand dismissively. "I'd transferred from the Garrison myself."

"Why would you do that?" I asked, genuinely interested.

"I guess all the fuss made around the scouts going to Shiganshina mission soon and the undoubtful triumph to come made me want to join in on the fun." He laughed.

"Is this a joke to you?" The anger sipping into my voice made Floch lose his amusement. "It's not a field trip. People could die. People will die."

"No, that's not what I meant," he shook his head. "What I meant was recent events made me realize that humanity actually stands a chance. The scouts weren't fighting the windmills, and people could strike back against the titans. And I want to take part in fighting them off. You must understand, you transferred yourself. From MPs, no less."

"Don't listen to gossip," I cut off, facing forward. My gaze jumped to the back of the Captain's head. His shoulders looked tense all of a sudden, and Hange didn't chatter anymore. They sat there quietly, staring into their food. I wondered for a second if they could've heard our discussion. But no, there was too much noise in the hall. It would've been impossible to hear a word from five feet away.

"I also heard that you are his favorite," Floch said. Startled, I faced him. He smirked.

"What in the world are you talking about?"

"Well," he started and leaned closer. "I heard you were the only one who survived the Female titan mission from his team. That, out of all his teammates, he picked you to save."

I covered my face with my hands, groaning quietly. "That's so not how it all went down."

"He also stayed by your bed in the infirmary for the entire week while you recovered. And made you second in command afterward, just so he can keep a closer eye on you." Floch continued without skipping a beat.

"Is that what people are saying?" I exclaimed, looking at him in disbelief.

"Aha," he hummed whilst taking a drink of his water. "But I also heard talks about how he went berserk after you, Eren, and Queen Historia were captured by the convict MPs."

Captured. Right. Commander Erwin made up a story to cover up my betrayal among the Scouts so that I could stay in the regiment. If the truth were to surface, I would lose the rest of the trust of my comrades within the Corps.

"Dear Walls," I moaned, covering my blazing cheeks with my palms.

"Are you saying that it's all bullshit?" Floch pried, and I shook my head viciously.

"Of course, it's bullshit! It was never like that. I am not even the second in command anymore! And Captain gave me that post because I was the most experienced in the new team." My stomach twisted with the painful memories, but I carried on. "He has always been understanding and helpful, but never in the way your words suggest! Walls! I can't believe people are talking about such nonsense."

"But he also stayed by your bed when you were recently submitted to the infirmary, did he not?" Floch's smile suggested he didn't believe a word coming out of my mouth.

"For God's sake! No!"

"But weren't you unconscious for most of the time there?"

I groaned, covering my face with my hands again. There was no fighting the rumors, but I had to at least try. I owed this much to the Captain. "Look," I started, facing Floch and clasping my hands in my lap. "It was never like that, okay? Captain has always been considerate of his peers. That's it. He trained me and saved my life in more ways than I could count. But it was never more than comradeship between us. Never could be anything else. These rumors are completely out of it. You should really focus on training instead of gossiping about such nonsense."

"I heard he covered you with his body while the cave collapsed because of the Reiss titan," another newbie chimed in. My gaze swept the table, noticing every pair of eyes staring at me and Floch with interest. My cheeks burned hotter.

I flared my hands in exasperation, and my hand crashed into the glass that Floch'd left near the edge of the table. The glass turned over, splashing my front with water before shattering on the stone floor. I jumped up to my feet as cold water seeped into my white linen shirt. "It wasn't like that," I repeated. "It could not and will not ever be like that, got it?"

Something warm and heavy landed on my shoulders then, and I jerked, looking behind me. Captain's glare met my eyes as he let his jacket drop fully onto my shoulders. "Cover yourself. The titans from across the Wall Rose can probably see through your shirt." His voice seared with fury. It soaked me with more chills than the icy water I'd spilled. Staring into his hateful gaze, I opened my mouth to reply, only to find that I had no words to say.

I would've stood there, like a dumb fish, staring into the eye of the fisher if not for Hange, who jumped in between us, hugging my shoulders. "Here you are!" She said cheerfully. "Just the person I was looking for. I have a report that I wanted to give you for a while. You must read it. I need your opinion on some facts listed there. If even as much as half of the bullshit in there is, in fact, true, I will be forced to eat my shoe. You will help me out, right?" She said as she pulled me away from the table and glared at Captain. "Oh, right. Almost forgot. Shorty," Hange paused and faced the Captain, who had trouble shifting his hateful eyes from the novices sitting around the table. "Do you mind joining me for tea? I completely forgot to show you the new orders which just came down from the commanders. I am having trouble picturing how the strategies described there would work on practice."

"Now?" Captain asked.

"Yes, now. It's not like we have a lot of spare time on our hands. Unless you have something more important to do."

"Actually…"

"Great! Follow me!" Hange interrupted and pushed me toward the exit.

"How long will this take exactly? I have better shit to do than help you read," the Captain said just as the three of us neared Hange's office.

"Oh, you know, not long. I'm a fast learner," she winked as she pulled open the heavy metal-plated door. I looked at the enhanced door with a question. "Protection against potential break-ins. It's a new thing. Come on in." She gestured for us to enter, and I stepped in first, looking around the familiar messy room. It smelled like strong tea and dusty old books. The Captain walked in right behind me, and I dared a glance at him. His face was sculpted into nonchalance, but the glare he gave the room was nothing but vengeful.

"Hurry up and give me the papers," the Captain commanded, turning to the entrance just as the door closed with a loud bang, and the lock clicked into place with the finality of a prison cell.

For a moment there, we just stared at it. I expected Hange to jump from behind the desk or something and yell, "Gotcha!". But she was nowhere in sight. In fact, her voice sounded from the other side of the door when she said. "Yes, well, I lied. I needed you two to stay in one room long enough so that you could discuss this thing that is 'not happening' between you two. I'm so sick and tired of watching this shitshow. So, I need you two to stay in my office for a hot minute and talk. Once you come up with a satisfactory relationship status, I will gladly let you two out."

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Captain growled, nearing the door and banging on it with his fist. It didn't budge.

"I am talking about this unresolved whatever-the-fuck-that-is between you two. Fight and make up. Or make out. But give me a definite answer. Unless you do, the door stays locked." Sounded from the other side.

"You are dead," the Captain said in his calm voice, which, from my experience, was the scariest. He stepped back and kicked at the door a few times, trying to blow through the lock, but the door stayed put. "Fuck! Unlock the door this instant, Hange! I'm not joking."

"Neither am I, shorty. You stay there until you resolve everything. Also, be my guest and try to kick this door out. It was reinforced for such occasions, so I doubt even humanity's strongest can break through. Oh, and if you think of jumping out of the window, do keep in mind that we are on the fifth floor. Landing on the concrete from such a height can be in the least unpleasant. Have fun!" Hange said back in her mischievous and cheerful tone, and then her footsteps sounded, getting quieter with every passing second.

I stared at the door in disbelief. She could not have just done this to me. This couldn't have been happening.

The Captain, apparently, had a similar thought process as he continued to try and kick the door out. "Fuck!" He yelled after a long few minutes. His breathing turned heavier than usual, and he leaned at the door with his palms as if hoping he could talk it into unlocking itself. I shifted from foot to foot, uncertain what to think of this situation, when Captain finally pushed off the door and walked to the big table in the middle of the room. Shoving away stacks of papers, books, and various scrolls, he cleared enough space to put two empty cups and the teapot. Ignoring my presence completely, he went off to light a fire under the kettle and settled into one of the seats around the table.

I watched him, unsure of what to do or think. "Stop that," he commanded suddenly, and I jerked my gaze away. I walked towards the ceiling-high bookshelves lining the wall next to the entrance door and pretended to study the books while the kettle heated and started to whistle. Water splashing sounded, and a moment later, a clank of the teapot's top when Captain left the tea to brew. Swallowing hard, I turned to look at him. He was staring out of the window now, even though, based on the glare he was giving the view, one might've thought he had a stare-down with one of his worst enemies. His suit looked incomplete without the jacket that he'd given me. I pulled the cloth tighter around me, breathing in the faint smell of him.

"Why did you give me your jacket?" The words escaped my mouth before I could think them through, and I cringed, expecting Captain's reaction. But he didn't acknowledge my question. Instead, he picked up a teapot and poured himself a cup. I waited, thinking that he must be contemplating an answer. Or, I thought, he deemed the answer obvious enough that it didn't require a voice. But the time ticked, and he kept staring out of the window and drinking his tea. "What the fuck was Hange talking about when she said we need to figure this out? What is this?"

Captain put a cup down with a clank. His stormy gaze finally met mine, and he stared at me as though I was an idiot. "Button the fucking jacket," was all he said. I blinked, comprehending his answer. He's got to be kidding me. Was that all he's got to say? I shook my shoulders, letting the soft, warm fabric slip to the floor. Captain's eyes followed his disregarded coat and then up my form to my face. His gaze bore into mine, and he clenched his jaw. "You've just got yourself a week-long shift in the laundry rooms."

"Answer my question," I demanded with more determination than I actually felt.

"Because your fucking blouse is see-through. I thought I made it clear in the dining hall." He replied in an annoyingly calm manner.

Hange's been hinting for a while that the Captain had some sort of attachment to me. I was ignoring her comments, fighting off those stupid reactions my heart had when he was around. But maybe, just maybe, she was actually on to something. And then what? It was not like I was in dire need of a relationship, even if it would be something that he and I could ever have. It was just a stupid attraction that my body didn't know how to properly handle. And I was probably fooling myself by thinking about it altogether. He could not have returned my feelings. Not my emotionless Captain, humanity's strongest soldier, my personal watchdog from the very first day when I'd entered the Scout's HQ. Kenny's nephew…

"Right," I stated, suddenly feeling depleted. "And you care… Why?"

"Don't make me repeat myself, brat."

"I can fight my own battles, you know. I don't need you babysitting me all the time. Much less since everyone is having a blast speculating about our relationship," I lashed out, squeezing my hands into fists at my sides.

"If you were capable of fighting your own battles, we would not be here right now."

"What the fuck does that mean?" I screamed back. Captain regarded me with a cool, calm stare, which only made my blood boil all the more. I stepped around the table, nearing him. "Say what you have to say. Hange has us locked up here for that exact purpose. So talk."

Captain raised one brow at me. "Don't give me orders, brat."

I stared at him while his words sank in. I did just scream at him and demanded answers over something ridiculously stupid. This wasn't just insubordination. It was also me stubbing my friend in the back. I suddenly felt sick with myself.

Averting my gaze, I stepped back and saluted the Captain. "Apologies. It was inconsiderate of me. I can assure you, this will never happen again." I swirled and headed back to the bookshelves. Grabbing the first tome that caught my eye, I made myself comfortable on the floor and opened the book, pretending to read, while my mind raced a million thoughts per second.

"Fuck," Captain sighed after a long few moments and rose to his feet. "I did that because I can't stand the idea of you getting hurt the way you did back in the Underground. I will never allow that to happen to you again, you stupid girl."

My eyes were glued to the random spot on the page. Captain's words settled in the air, and my mind refused to comprehend the meaning behind them. "You don't have to worry about that. I would rather die than land myself in a situation like that."

I could hear him make a few steps in my direction just when the lock on the door clicked, and the hinges squeaked lightly as the door was pulled open. Hange rushed in, looking disheveled and unhappy. "Sorry to cut your date short, but Erwin summons us," she told the Captain, and he followed her out of the room without a second glance in my direction.