CHAPTER NINE: A FRACTURED STILETTO
I don't let feelings cloud my judgment, and I don't have an anger management problem. Most of all, I don't leave decisions that should've been made yesterday sitting around for tomorrow….
Nabiki gave up.
She needed to talk to Ranma.
One afternoon, a few days after Akane left for New York, she went to visit him at the Suginami coffee shop where he worked. As she peered through the window, she smiled despite herself, understanding why he would choose this particular shop. The hardwood floors, small tables, and plush couch all contributed to a warm, intimate ambiance. At the back of the room, the espresso machine sat beside the register atop a bar-style counter lined with stools. The exposed brick walls were adorned with an eclectic mix of art pieces, many of which were actually quite impressive. Presumably, some of the artwork was created by students from the nearby Asagaya College.
With a steadying breath, she reached for the front door. In typical, orderly Nabiki fashion, she had meticulously planned, reasoned, and rehearsed what she would say to Ranma when she saw him. She would try that exceptional latte Akane had raved about and let him know that her sister had arrived safely in America. Then, Nabiki would move in for the kill with her trademark of cool, practiced detachment and objectivity.
She did not have the time for drama or emotional entanglements. Even if she did, there were far too many reasons why anything more than a casual friendship would be a very, very bad idea. He was still her sister's ex-fiance. If she was on the road to Hell, well, she intended to walk it alone, just like she always had. Life would go on.
Her plans, however, unraveled the moment she entered the shop.
Inside, she was ambushed by the overdone saccharine sweetness of a woman's perfume. It was a bizarre concoction of some sort of citrus crossed with maybe cinnamon or ginger. She could hardly breathe and wanted to vomit. The whole mess had been overapplied to the point of suffocating combustibility.
The only other customer was a girl with silken shoulder-length hair who had perched herself atop one of the bar stools. She laughed as she chatted with whoever was working the espresso maker. Nabiki could not actually see the barista from where she stood. She could not help noticing, however, that the perfume-drenched girl had dressed to be noticed by a man.
A white mini fit and flare sundress hugged the girl's curves in all the right places. Thin spaghetti straps were draped over her shoulders, revealing just enough skin to tantalize any male onlookers. The girl had one strappy white stiletto heel propped on the footrest and her legs crossed at the knees so that her hem rode up high enough to give a full display of the smooth, sun-kissed skin and toned muscles of her long thighs and shapely calves.
The hiss of steam in the line faded. Ranma appeared from behind the machine to hand the girl a steaming cup on a saucer. He smiled as he did so, clearly charmed by whatever she had just told him. The girl then spoke some annoyingly chipper words of thanks as she happily took the cup and saucer from him. Her fingers lingered far longer than necessary against his during the exchange.
Nabiki felt an irrepressible surge of anger rising in the back of her throat. The room suddenly felt unbearably small and hot. She wanted to break the girl's face and maybe even fracture one of those stilettos too for good measure. She also thought about hitting Ranma upside the head. He seemed outright clueless about what was happening – or maybe he even liked that cheap sort of attention.
Unable to stand any more of what she was seeing, she announced her presence with a loud, choking paroxysm of coughs. Amidst the stench of the girl's perfume, the scents of pinewood and cedar mingled with just a hint of coffee emerged. Ranma's strong hand came to rest on her back, his face twisted with concern as he guided her towards the bar. Petty as Nabiki knew it was, she felt a smug sense of satisfaction over how quickly her action had achieved the desired result.
"The air quality here leaves something to be desired. Someone could sue you guys for this, you know," she grumbled as Ranma helped her climb atop one of the other stools.
"Yo, Miyuki, can ya get the first aid kit?" Ranma called out worriedly. "We may need the epi-pen in there."
"Okay!"
The clack of the girl's heels against the wooden floor echoed loudly as she rushed off to fulfill his request.
Nabiki's eyes widened with panic. "H-hey! Don't blow this out of proportion! I'll just… go get some air or something."
"Have ya seen your face?"
"What the fuck does that mean?!"
"Good. Ya can still shout."
"SAOTOME!"
"I'm serious, Nabiki," he replied calmly. "If ya can shout, your airway's still good. I promise I ain't trying to be mean or nothing. You're having some sorta allergic reaction."
He grabbed her left hand and pressed it against her cheek. The warmth and puffiness she felt under her fingertips were unmistakable. He was correct.
"Fuck! Ranma!"
"Come on," he said, taking Nabiki's hand and drawing her to her feet. As an afterthought as he led Nabiki toward the door, he called out some instructions to the leggy girl to cover for him until he returned.
"Understood!" Miyuki replied brightly. "There's that little clinic two blocks down if you want to drop her there. Hurry back!"
The trip itself was a blur.
All Nabiki remembered was the fear that seized her as her throat closed up, leaving her struggling to breathe. She tried to shout Ranma's name and reach for him, but all she managed was a hoarse, incoherent gasp before slumping helplessly onto his shoulder. Even though she was on top of him, she could no longer even make out his cedar and pine wood scent.
Several sharp pricks suddenly shot through her right arm. Her fading vision filled with Ranma's handsome face looking down at her with worry and concern. His strong, steady hands were still on her, holding on tightly just enough for her to imagine that maybe she mattered as a person.
Just like on Christmas Eve when he carried her broken body from Meguro Station back to Komaba with a bucket of KFC in tow.
And that Spring day by the canal in Naka-Meguro when he saved her from the abyss of madness as the hellacious and hallucinatory incantation of "Sors Immanis" raged in her head.
Or even that time when he broke her fall and carried her to safety after Akane, in a fit of rage, had destroyed the laundry balcony (1).
Nabiki finally grasped, for the first time in her life, that she really could die.
Memories of her parents and sisters flooded her mind, bringing an overwhelming sense of sadness and longing. She regretted many things she had said and done — even to Kasumi and her father. She also had too many things she would never get the chance to say.
In addition, she could not help thinking about all the games she would not have the chance to play with Daigoro, Kumi, Takashi, and William. More than that, there would be so many fights that she would not be around to take on for them and all the other forgotten innocents in the world.
Her mother, in particular, would have been extremely disappointed. Although Nabiki very much doubted the existence of an afterlife, if there were one, she imagined Akiko would spend a good first part of Eternity giving her stupid daughter grief for dying so young and leaving so much unfinished.
Yet, Nabiki also thought that if Ranma's face were the last thing she ever saw and his hands holding hers were the last vestiges of human warmth she ever knew, she could somehow actually be at peace with that fact. She did not understand how or why – only that this was so.
In that moment, all of the bullshit in her head and heart vanished, and she suddenly knew with absolute, spellbinding clarity what she wanted — had wanted all along. Three strange English words suddenly rang out loud and clear in the ears of her mind. All the more, she pitied herself, knowing too that she would never have the chance to tell Ranma. All of her hopes, worries, grievances, and regrets would soon be inconsequential, lost forever in the eternal darkness of Oblivion, from which she would never return.
…. But damn that leggy bimbo and her fucking scented lighter fluid! He could not end up with that girl. He could not!
Sors immanis et inanis…!
# # # # #
Nabiki groaned.
A heavy, throbbing ache pounded inside her head, while her ears rang with a deafening roar. Her mouth and throat were dry, and an overwhelming thirst consumed her. She tried to sit up, but found herself unable to do so. A wave of nausea smashed into her as she tried to lift her head. Her body felt unbearably heavy, as if she were being crushed by an invisible force of infinite mass.
Eventually, she managed to force her eyes open. She was lying on her back on a bed in a dimly lit room. Her clothes had been exchanged for a gown that tied in the back. A monitor hung above her, displaying numbers and tracings in different colors. An IV had been inserted into her left arm. Something cool was running through the line.
A renewed sense of horror set in as she recalled the coffee shop, the perfume, and the inability to breathe. The final deluge of sad and embarrassed thoughts and feelings that had flashed through her mind just before she passed out also came flooding back. Then, the jarring realization hit that somehow she was still alive. A violent tsunami of emotions crashed down on her as she finally connected all the pieces.
He had saved her.
That stupid, beautiful boy had saved her.
"Ranma…!" she croaked out in the darkness.
She could barely recognize the hoarse and shaky voice that emerged as her own. Hot tears streamed down her cheeks. More than anything in the world, she just wanted to see him.
She suddenly felt someone draping a blanket over her shoulders. Strong and steady arms enveloped her, pulling her in close. She immediately recognized the sweet, heady scent of pine and cedar mixed with just a hint of coffee.
It was him.
"Shh, it's okay, Nabiki," he whispered in her ear. "You're safe. Everything's fine."
At that moment, a doctor and a nurse rushed in to check on her. One of them gave her some water. A numb daze settled in as she endured the brief examination. Ranma remained beside her, for which she was grateful.
He really had brought her to the clinic just in time. Her airway had been swollen almost completely shut, and her blood pressure had plummeted. That was why she passed out.
The drugs the medics administered had worked pretty quickly. Still, they intubated her briefly as a precaution. Her transfer to a nearby hospital for further observation became obligatory at that point.
That was yesterday.
Now, it was just past four in the morning. Anything she currently felt was almost certainly from the drugs they pumped her full with — adrenergics, antihistamines, and steroids — rather than the actual anaphylactic reaction that had taken her down. They expected to discharge her later in the day.
Finally, the doctor and nurse left. Nabiki felt an overwhelming sense of relief. Everything was too raw and profound for her to process, and she felt far too vulnerable. In despair, she hugged herself as the storm of her feelings resumed raining down and threatened to drown her anew.
"First time, right? That ya ever really thought that ya could die?"
She nodded brokenly between heaving sobs.
"The first time is the hardest," he said. "Ya get all sorts of thoughts and feelings about people and things running through your head that ya didn't ever think you'd have."
He really did understand how she felt.
With surprising consideration and sensitivity, he avoided actually asking about her own thoughts or emotions when she thought she was dying. Instead, he began talking about his own experience, which touched her deeply. Certainly, he had been in enough crazy fights and survived enough near-death experiences for the fear of dying to no longer feel alien to him. That feeling never diminished or went away, but it was not supposed to. Still, the horror of his own first time haunted him even now.
He had mentioned part of the story previously on that day by the canal at Naka-Meguro. This was the time when his father first threw him into a pit of feral, starving cats as part of the Neko-ken training.
He recalled how each time he fought to claw his way out of the pit, his father stomped on his hands and kicked him back down into the pit. The blood and tears running down his face became indistinguishable, as bitter and angry as the sense of betrayal that consumed his then-7-year-old heart and mind. Even now, Nabiki could see the scars of anguish in the haunted lines of his handsome face as he spoke.
The thought of a suffering child had always disgusted Nabiki at the visceral level. She had never had any particular fondness for Uncle Genma nor had she ever really understood what value or satisfaction her own father perceived in having such a person as his best friend. The only right thing that Nabiki could think of Ranma's father ever having done was bringing Ranma himself into their lives. In Nabiki's eyes, keeping Uncle Gemma's company had always reflected poorly on her father. Now, however, she outright despised the elder Saotome.
The lines of emotion on Ranma's face blurred between her own tears, leaving them indistinguishable from those of Daigoro's, Kumi's, and every other scared and neglected have-not in the world. She had been so very wrong about him. For all of his incredible gifts and blessings, Ranma Saotome was no have-all by any means, but rather the true living embodiment of the survivor that she hoped that all the Daigoros and Kumis could one day grow up to be.
"What… how did you…?" Nabiki eventually managed to ask.
"What kept me going?"
She nodded.
"I eventually figured out the old man cares in his own fucked up way. I'll tell ya 'bout that some other time. Mostly, though, my Mom," he replied. "I kept thinkin' she'd be so disappointed in me if I died and I never saw her again."
"I…. I thought of my Mom too," she admitted. "I can't say I believe in an afterlife, but if there is one and we meet again, I think she'd spend the first half of eternity giving me shit for dying so young."
They shared a laugh despite themselves. An awkward silence then fell between them.
"Thank you," she eventually said. "For saving my life."
"Sure. I'm sorry about Miyuki by the way."
He had already exchanged harsh words with his co-worker, a part-timer enrolled as an animation and illustration student at Asagaya. This was not the first time that her fragrances had caused issues for others. An ultimatum from the Boss finally made her stop wearing stuff while at work. However, yesterday was one of her off-days, and she was at the shop as a customer. There was not much anyone could do to reign her in under those circumstances.
Nabiki suddenly remembered why she had gone to visit the coffee shop in the first place.
I don't let feelings cloud my judgment, and I don't have an anger management problem. Most of all, I don't leave decisions that should've been made yesterday sitting around for tomorrow….
Then, something else occurred to Nabiki, something about Akane's own visit to the Suginami coffee shop.
Her sister had been unable to decipher Ranma's explanation of his new interest in manga illustration — other than his mention that he had been spending time with art students from the college.
Maybe it was just one art student.
Nabiki felt nervous and anxious. Her heart raced now. Still, she knew what she had to do.
"Has she sketched for you?"
"No, but we've traded some notes and shared some manga type stuff on our breaks. Why?"
Nabiki groaned to herself, enraged by the possibility that he might even have shared drafts that they created together during their sessions with the flammable bimbo. If he did and this conversation actually went anywhere meaningful, she would definitely dish out retribution later. For now, however, she forced herself to stick to her agenda and kindly spell things out for him.
"Girls do stupid stuff when they like a guy, you know. Like sharing what they create, dousing themselves with fragrances, and dressing like… like that. She does have nice legs."
Ranma leaned back and pretended to contemplate something on the wall. He seemed to be warring with himself over some sort of decision. Otherwise, the look on his face was inscrutable.
"So?" he eventually drawled out.
"She likes you, Ranma. You know that, right?"
He nodded.
Nabiki felt her heart stop.
"Do you… do you like her?
"I've told her a few times now that I'm not available."
"Oh…?"
Of course, he must have been thinking of Akane still. Nabiki breathed a mental sigh of relief. At the same time, however, she felt a strange sense of sadness and disappointment.
"Akane arrived safely in New York the other day, by the way."
"I know. She texted me."
"You must miss her."
He laughed. "Akane's still a good friend for sure, but she ain't the reason I ain't available for that sorta thing."
"Oh. So you met someone?" she asked, fighting to maintain her composure and sound casual.
"I… I guess I did."
Her heart cracked, leaving her feeling dumb. Of course, Ranma technically had been single for quite some time now. Aside from Akane and this Miyuki, there certainly were many other attractive girls around who could easily have caught his attention.
Her inner masochist, however, proved too curious and insistent not to ask about the chosen girl. She had come to Suginami to see him for a reason, one which had nearly cost her sanity, much less gotten her killed. At this point, she would be damned if she did not come away with something.
"What's she like?"
A brilliant smile alighted across Ranma's face, one which took Nabiki aback. "Well, she's really smart, and she's got a lot of hidden talents. Really nice legs too!"
Nabiki frowned.
"To be fair, yeah, this one's got some issues. Definitely ain't a nice type. She's cold and rough around the edges when ya first meet her, and she's got a vicious wit and temper. She'll slit your throat and gut ya before ya even know it. Also arrogant, kinda a misanthrope, a lot of secrets, and a ton of unconscious biases. Other than that, though, she's got a good heart if ya dig deep enough, and she is really, really cute."
What kind of person did he choose?!
"Ranma! She sounds like a bitch!"
He began guffawing uncontrollably. "Well, hey, your word, not mine. But sure, she swears a bunch, and she's got this weird thing for canned beers, fried chicken, and sunny side up eggs when she thinks no one's lookin'…."
Nabiki froze.
"… Talks about funny stuff too in her sleep when she's on drugs. Like name-dropping this boy that she likes and how much she wishes she could hate him but can't…."
Tears burning with a myriad of emotions — mortification, elation, anger, disbelief — streamed uncontrollably down her cheeks. She could not help herself. This near-death stuff and the drugs were really messing with her head.
"But hey, like ya said, girls can do and say stupid things when they like a guy."
Sors immanis et inanis…!
Nabiki roared with incoherent rage as she pounced and slammed him down onto the bed. All this time that she had been holding on to the shreds of her dignity and the pieces of her broken heart, even facing Death, he had known why she had come to Suginami! That beautiful Goddamn fucking asshole of a man had known — made her even fucking cry for him— and laughed in her face!
"RANMA SAOTOME! I AM NOT A BITCH – BUT I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU!"
# # # # #
CHAPTER NOTES:
(1) Reference is to "Nabiki, Ranma's New Fiancee." Season 5, Episode 110 of the anime. Also cross-reference Chapter 3, note #3.