"Christmas Tree of Might?" Oracle asked, "Part one." Hatsu replied, "And then...?" Shakara dragged on, "The last movie before the next saga." Hatsu responded, "Finally back to the plot..." Shakara said with a smile.
[DISCLAIMER]
KAISERNEKO: The following is a non-profit fan-based parody. DragonBall, DragonBall Z, and DragonBall GT are all owned by FUNimation, TOEI Animation, Fuji TV, and Akira Toriyama. Please support the official release.
(cut to Gohan, Krillin, Bulma and Oolong camping in the woods)
"Oh! Camping!" Tauira exclaimed, "We should do that too sometimes." Shakara suggested.
NARRATOR: 'Twas the week before Christmas, and upon the Earth, Krillin and Gohan were searching for a tree of great worth. They longed for a tree both tall and rare, and for some other reason, Oolong was there. And with eyes full of wonder and faces all grins, this, my dear viewers, is where our story begins.
"Would you look at that, it's narrated." Hatsu commented, "So like any other-" Jo'on was asking, "Like any other Christmas movie, yes." Hatsu finished for her.
KRILLIN: Alright guys, sleep well. We have an early morning tomorrow to search for our perfect Christmas tree!
"Perfect Christmas tree? there's no such thing, might as well make a fake one." Anomaly said.
BULMA: Hey, did anyone take care of that fire?
KRILLIN: Oolong, you got that?
"The pig?" Zettai asked, "Yep..." Lemus confirmed, "This'll end badly previous movie considering." Zettai recalled.
OOLONG: I'm watching it.
(shows the forest being burned down as the animals flee the area)
"Oh my Goddess..." Shakara muttered while massaging her forehead, "I feel like Puria had something to do with this..." Shiva Samba thought.
KRILLIN: I thought you said you were watching the fire!
OOLONG: I was! It was beautiful.
"Maybe Krillin should have specified to stop it from spreading..." Nightmare King pointed out, "Let's just settle with 'They're both idiots', alright?" Dreamiv suggested.
GOHAN: Poor animals, their Christmas is ruined now...
KRILLIN: Yeah, and now we don't have our tree.
"That's his main concern?" Paint asked, "He hs his priorities straight at least..." Takama commended with a facepalm.
GOHAN: I wish there was something we could do for them.
KRILLIN: (a ding sound is heard) Wish? (Oracle: Right! Dragon Balls!) I got it! We could use the DragonBalls!
(shows a quick montage of Gohan and Krillin collecting all seven DragonBalls)
KRILLIN: We got the DragonBalls!
"...How?" Virus dragged out, "Yeah, if the movies are in their continuity, possibly year or more has passed." Hatsu explained, "So a time skip." Shion summed up, "Basically yes." Hatsu confirmed.
GOHAN: Amazing how much easier this became with time.
(Shenron gets summoned)
SHENRON: I am the Eternal Dragon. State your... (sees Krillin, Bulma, and Oolong) No... No way. (Nezumi: To be fair.) No, not you again! HAS IT EVEN BEEN A YEAR?!
OOLONG: It's been one year, two months, and fifteen...
"Why was he keeping count?" Zettai asked, "Probably for the Pigvolution or something, not that it'll ever happen, Fardie would never allow that." Shakara reassured.
SHENRON: SHUT THE HELL UP!
"He's so done with them." Tauira commented.
KRILLIN: Almighty Shenron, we called you forth to help us in this dire time! As you can see, this beautiful land full of trees and life has been burned to the ground.
SHENRON: So you want me to restore life to this desolated forest?
"That's the idea." Avaritia confirmed.
KRILLIN: Hell no! I want a Christmas tree!
Cue general facepalming.
SHENRON: ...You want...a tree.
"That's what he said, yes." Shion stated solemnly.
KRILLIN: Not just any tree... The PERFECT Christmas tree!
SHENRON: ...Yeah. Yeah, okay. I'll give your tree. I'll give you THE BEST DAMN TREE YOU'VE EVER SEEN! (Virus: He's gonna do what Nezumi does with Zettai when she's in heat isn't he?/ Paint: Definitely./ Nezumi: I'm not that bad./ Zettai: Tell that to the bite marks on my neck!) (starts laughing sinisterly as he grants Krillin's wish)
KRILLIN: Thank you!
SHENRON: Oh, don't thank me. (Tauira: Considering something is definitely going to explode.) 'Tis the season of giving. (vanishes as the DragonBalls scatter away)
(cut to a spaceship approaching Earth)
"Nevermind, this is worse!" Tauira corrected herself, "But wasn't Shenron going to give them a tree?" Jo'on pointed out.
SLAY: Turles, sir, our navigation system just changed course. We're on route to a new planet, Earth.
TURLES: Does it contain a sufficient amount of joy?
"Joy?" Starrow repeated, "What does joy have to do with anything?" Avaritia questioned.
SLAY: According to our sensors, yes.
TURLES: Well then... Merry Christmas.
("Christmas Tree of Might" appears on the screen as "Jingle Bell Rock" plays before switching to "Rock The Dragon")
"It's weird." Oracle commented.
(cut to Goku's house)
CHI-CHI: You are not allowed to go camping again, young man.
"Why? For the fire the pig caused?" Dreamiv asked.
GOKU: (in background) We wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas... On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me... Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way...
GOHAN: But Mom, Oolong's the one who burned down the forest, not me!
"Yeah, why punish the witness?" Nezumi agreed.
CHI-CHI: I don't care whose fault it is, you need to be responsible. (Oracle: But it wasn't his fault!) Remember, if you don't act like a good little boy, Santa won't bring you any presents this year. Goku, stop that or I will deck you in the halls!
Every male or at least those with the necessary parts covered their privates.
GOKU: Okay!
GOHAN: He's just gonna bring me books again...
"That sucks..." Shakara said.
CHI-CHI: He brings you what you like, and what do you like!?
GOHAN: I like books!
"Oh, so a tyrant." Avaritia said with a frown.
CHI-CHI: See, he brings you what you like.
GOKU: Well, what am I getting for Christmas?
CHI-CHI: The same thing as last year, Goku.
GOKU: Oh, so that thing you do with your mouth-?
"Oh my!" Shion exclaimed, "What?" Jo'on asked, "When you're older." The Blue haired girl replied.
CHI-CHI: Not in front of Gohan!
(cut to Yamcha and Puar flying inside a car)
PUAR: Yamcha, why did you spend all your baseball money on this car instead of buying Christmas gifts for your friends?
"Because he's a selfish b*tch?" Dreamiv asked.
YAMCHA: Puar, the only gift they need is the gift of Yamcha.
"I was right!" Dreamiv said surprised.
PUAR: ...That's a non-refundable gift, isn't it?
YAMCHA: Just like this car.
(there's an explosion from inside the forests that sends the car flying, causing Yamcha and Puar to scream before the car explodes)
"He kind of deserved that." Starrow commented.
SLAY: It is time. Plant the tree. (Jo'on: So that's why Shenron brought them! They have the tree! ...Why do they have a tree...?) (short pause) Of might. (another short pause) The Christmas Tree of Might.
(Diaz throws the seed into an abyss)
JINGA BERU: Oh...
JINGA: Title drop.
"I didn't even notice." Hatsu admitted.
SLAY: Now...let the Yuletide celebrations begin.
"Yuletide?" Shion asked, "Pretty sure he made that up." Shiva Samba responded.
("Deck the Halls Metal Style!" plays as the Christmas Tree of Might starts growing and destroying the city)
"Oh for f*ks sake..." Takama cursed.
BOY: Mommy? (gets crushed by a car, in which a man is seen getting out and runs off)
"Wow... No seriously, first the Sayians, now this?" Starrow recounted, "Not their year it seems." Nightmare King figured.
(cut to Goku's House)
YAMCHA: So yeah, um, I'm gonna have to crash with you guys for a while.
"Wasn't it his car that got wrecked? He should still have a house." Shion pointed out.
GOKU: Ha, ha! "Crash" like your car.
"I feel like Goku is some kind of sarcasm God..." Anomaly stated.
YAMCHA: Yes, Goku... Like my car.
MASTER ROSHI: I can't believe the wreckage landed on your house.
"He might have worse luck than you sis..." Jo'on told Shion, "The only thing that could make him unluckier than me is if his girlfriend dumped him for the guy who killed him." She rebutted, "If I'm not mistaken Vegeta is Bulma's wife, here at least..." Shakara recalled, "Okay, he does have. worse luck than me!" Shion admitted
YAMCHA: Neither can I. And since I put all my money into the car, I'm pretty much destituted.
"We've low balled it!" Shion exclaimed, "I repeat! Yamcha is a joke!" Dreamiv repeated from the previous movie.
GOHAN: You know, studies say that depression hits worst during the holiday season. That's why the suicide rates are so high.
YAMCHA: ...
(everyone except Yamcha and Bulma start laughing)
"That's not funny! Why are you laughing!" Tauira scolded.
GOKU: Like your car.
KING KAI: (telepathically) Hey, are we laughing at Yamcha, cause I'm always up for that.
"Even the Gods thing of Yamcha as a bad joke." Nightmare King stated.
GOKU: King Kai, is that you?
KING KAI: (telepathically) I just want to call you up and wish you a Merry Christmas.
GOKU: (telepathically to King Kai on his planet) Aw shucks, King Kai. You too.
KING KAI: Yeah, also thought I'd tell you about the evil space pirates who are killing your planet.
"Just rip tht bandage off right away." Takama said.
GOKU: Space in the what now?
KING KAI: You see, a group of space pirates have sought out your planet. And with it, are growing an evil, evil tree.
"That's the plot they're going with...? Alright then..." Hatsu relented.
GOKU: How evil?
KING KAI: It's literally sucking the Christmas joy out of the entire planet.
GOKU: *gasp* That's Disney evil!
"I don't know what Disney is, but it sound about right." Hatsu agreed, "It is right, the few disks that got in Gensokyo are exactly that." Jo'on confirmed.
KING KAI: (telepathically) Well, that's all from here. I'm gonna go spike the eggnog and watch Gregory get smashed. (Shiva Samba: That's Christmas!/ Oracle: Why do we call it that?/ Shiva Samba: Don't worry about it.) Merry Christmas!
GOKU: Alright guys, group meeting. So, it turns out someone just planted a gigantic tree...
KRILLIN: Hurray! My tree!
"Shut the f*ck up! it's your fault!" Zettai scolded.
GOKU: ...that is sucking the Christmas joy out of the entire world!
KRILLIN: I mean, oh, no! (Virus: Kiss a*s.) Who would be so dastardly?
GOKU: So, my plan is we get the DragonBalls and wish it away!
"Good ide-! God damnit Krillin!" Avaritia exclaimed having remembered why the problem is there in the first place, "At least he's gonna be in trouble." Tauira smiled at that.
KRILLIN: Uuuummmm...
GOKU: I'm kiddin'. (Everyone: *Sigh.*) We're gonna go blow it up!
(cut to Goku, Krillin, Yamcha, Tenshinhan, and Chiaotzu blasting the tree, which has no effect)
GOKU: Didn't work.
"Well they're screwed." Almost everyone thought.
TIEN: Damn. If we don't act soon, Christmas is going to be ruined forever.
KRILLIN: Wait a minute. Tien, Chiaotzu, what are you two doing here? Aren't you Jewish?
"That's important because...?" Nightmare King asked.
TIEN: (now wearing a yarmulke as Jewish music plays) Hey, I'm just trying to be culturally sensitive...you Buddhist ass!
"I take offense to that!" Jo'on lamented, "Oh yeah, you trained with Byakuren for a while." Shion remembered.
KRILLIN: Well, happy holidays to you too.
GOKU: I think the only course of action left...is to reason with it.
"...It's a tree..." Starrow pointed out, "Yeah, I don't think anyone other than Nezumi can talk with things thay definitely shouldn't." Shakara agreed.
YAMCHA: Uh, Goku?
GOKU: Big tree! If you don't leave right now, I'm gonna have to beat you up!
YAMCHA: Goku, trees can't tal-
SLAY: (off-screen) Why don't you come up here and try it?
"I stand corrected." Shakara corrected herself, "I don't talk with dead bodies that much." Nezumi defended herself, "So you don't talk with that head you have impaled on a stick in your room?" Tauira questioned, "No..." Nezumi obviously lied.
YAMCHA: Know what? F*k it, I don't care anymore.
(everyone flies up on the tree and confronts the villains responsible, who are chuckling evilly)
"They don't look impressive honestly." Takama commented.
KRILLIN: Who the hell are these guys?
SLAY: We are from the planet of Misfit Minions.
"They're really going with the Christmas theme here..." Hatsu commented.
REESE: Where all banished servants of Santa Claus are sent.
BERU: We were all lost, hope forsaken.
JINGA: But now Turles has given us a new chance at life.
JINGA BERU: And at revenge!
KRILLIN: But why were you banished in the first place?
"Because they're naughty, seems like a theme here." Nightmare King responded.
SLAY: Some of us did things...terrible things.
REESE: Things that some of us regret, and some of us don't.
"I doubt they actually regret it, but sure let's go with that." Tauira said.
SLAY: Take me for example. I was but a humble mall Santa trying to bring children joy.
"Doesn't sound so bad..." Jo'on commented.
TIEN: So what happened?
SLAY: Well, a young child asked me for a fire truck.
"Go on..." Paint prodded.
GOKU: Awww!
"No Goku, he's a bad guy." Thinner scolded as if he scolded a child.
SLAY: So I dropped one on his house.
"See?" He asked sarcastically.
GOKU: Awww.
JINGA: Then there was my brother and I.
BERU: We were once elves working at Santa's workshop
"Maybe I would like them, they makes stuff." Paint thought.
JINGA: Until a robot we made to aid production went out on a murderous rampage.
"I take that back." Paint thought it over.
S.N.O.W.: Fa la la la la, la la, la DIE.
KRILLIN: Yikes. (to Reese) Wait a minute, that doesn't cover you. What'd you do?
"Something asinine surely." Starrow said.
REESE: Something so evil, I am forever on Santa's naughty list.
YAMCHA-Dreamiv: Geez, compared to these guys, what could you have possibly-
REESE: I raped Rudolph. (Shion: What.) (sounds of Reese laughing along with a reindeer's pained cries are heard)
Everyone shared a horrified look.
TIEN: Dibs on not fighting that guy.
"Me too!" Shakara agreed.
GOKU: We have to save Christmas, guys! Let's go!
(everyone except Goku charges at the Misfit Minions with Jinga and Beru knocking Tien and Chiaotzu out of the air)
"They might be better than i thought." Takama admitted.
JINGA: Jinga!
BERU: Beru!
JINGA BERU: The great Jinga Beru Brothers!
TIEN: You mean Jingle Bell, right?
Avaritia took a breath in before saying "We don't know what that is...", Oracle scanned the networks for a moment, "It's a song, and their names are misspellings of the refrain." She read outloud, "That's it?" Lemus asked rhetorically.
JINGA: No, Jinga...
BERU: ...and Beru!
TIEN: (slightly annoyed) Noooo... Jingle... Bell.
"It does seem like a cultural song, I understand how he would get mad." Paint commented, "You get mad when people ask you if you pee." Dreamiv reminded her only to get punched in the face.
JINGA: Jinga!
BERU: Beru!
TIEN: (pissed) F*KING WEEABOOS! (uses Solar Flare to blind Jinga and Beru)
"Please, yes, kill them." Zettai requested, "How are you so nonchalant about this?" Jo'on asked, "Simple, I live with Nezumi." Zettai explained, "What's that supposed to mean?" Nezumi questioned only to get her response when a flesh blob thing with very deformed hands started crawling up her leg, she crushed it before saying "I see now."
(cut to Krillin and Slay)
SLAY: You know, you look like one of the kids I let sit on my lap once. 'Course, he was the cancer patient; asked me if I could get rid of his cancer.
"Oh no..." Shion muttered.
KRILLIN: Oh god, this is going exactly where I think this is, isn't it?
SLAY: So I blew him up! (Shion: Of course he did.../ Anomaly: Were you expecting something else?) No more cancer!
KRILLIN: God, you are one of the worst mall Santas ever! Right behind those ones that molest kids.
"What's... Molesting?" Shakara asked, "Ever heard of conset?" Shion asked, "What about it?" Shakara asked back, "What you basically need to... 'Get it on' with someone?" Shion explained, "We don't really have that on Aqua Laguna, everyone just does whatever they want." Paint explained, "If we did have that there would be a massive problem since many races go through heat twice a month on occasions." Thinner added, "That's rough." Jo'on commented, "You have no idea." Dreamiv said looking at Shakara with an unamused look, and she just looked away in response.
SLAY: ...So I'm the worst mall Santa.
KRILLIN: Oh, come on!
(cut to Yamcha using his Spirit Ball technique)
S.N.O.W.: Singing "Yamcha the Scar-Faced Bandit" (said song starts playing)
"That's not a- Stop!" Nightmare King exclaimed, "It's horrible!" Tauira cried out.
YAMCHA: Go to hell! (throws Spirit Ball at S.N.O.W., which misses) Oh. Come. On. Come. On. Damn. You. (now having trouble redirecting the Spirit Ball)
"That's... You know that's... That's... You know that's..." Lemus was trying to find the word, "Absolutely pathetic." Virus suggested, "Yeah that's it." Lemus nodded.
S.N.O.W.: Do you require assistance?
"Good sport... For a murder machine that is." Lemus commented.
YAMCHA: Shut. Up. You. Cowardly. God. (Spirit Ball finally hits) YES! Take that, motherfu- (S.N.O.W. charges at him and rams him to the ground)
"And Yamcha still sucks." Oracle noted.
And if you saw this guy fight
You would even say he blows
"I was joking when I said it's narrated." Hatsu clarified.
S.N.O.W.: Agreed.
"Where did the fourth wall go?" Avaritia asked, "What fourth wall?" Virus asked in return.
(cut to Chiaotzu flying away from Jinga)
JINGA: I'll make you pay, like the rest of them! (Thinner: I beg your pardon?) (fires a blast at Chiaotzu)
CHIAOTZU: Aaaah! I told you, I'm not an elf, I'm just really short!
"What does an elf look like exactly?" Paint asked, "Nothing like Chiaotzu." Oracle replied.
JINGA: Shut up, Claus lover! (fires a barrage of blast)
CHIAOTZU: I don't even celebrate Christmas- Oh, my God! (gets hit)
"So he's just being used as a punching bag, great." Zettai said.
(shows Gohan charging at Jinga)
JINGA: What the fuuuuuuuuu... (gets headbutted by Gohan)
"Gohan to the rescue!" Tauira cheered.
GOHAN: Did I just smash the Krampus? (Shiva Samba: Now that he mentions it, I never created those creatures.../ Nightmare King: Weird.) Oh well, where are the others? If I don't find them soon, it's gonna be too late to go caroling! (bumps into Turles) Hey Dad, what's with the getup? (Dreamiv: You should be asking why is his skin gray?/ Anomaly: It is uncommon, even by Aqua Laguna's standards.) It's not Halloween, it's Christmas!
TURLES: Christmas? I HATE Christmas!
GOHAN: You're not my dad! (Zettai: I wonder what clued him in.../ Virus: It was-/ Zettai: I was sarcastic...) (Turles grabs him by the scarf)
TURLES: I hate gingerbread houses. I hate presents and toys. I hate reindeer and all of the good girls and boys. I hate the Whos down in Whoville and all of their songs. I hate their whumpets and blumpets and goobag-for-brawns. I hate carols and sleigh rides and falalalalas. But above all things else...I hate Santa Claus!
GOHAN-Jo'on: Don't talk sh*t about Santa! (Turles blocks his punch)
TURLES: You're Saiyan, aren't you? How lucky you were...to never suffer my injustice! (Shion: Would be nice to know what injustice./ Hatsu: We'll get to that... maybe.) (starts crushing Gohan's fist, causing him to scream) However, after my tree is done with this planet, you'll be left with no ale to speak of! (chuckles until his scouter beeps) What? Who's there? (Piccolo arrives)
PICCOLO: Bitch, you look like Goku.
"He really does." Paint agreed, "Bardock looked like Goku too, but he was his father." Thinner noted, "Probably just an excuse to have 'Evil Goku' or something." Hatsu rationalized.
TURLES: And you look like a Yoshi.
"Oh that's back." Starrow said surprised.
PICCOLO: I get that. Now hand over the kid.
TURLES: Oh, you want this kid?
"He would, definitely." Tauira gave a thumbs up.
PICCOLO: I want him.
TURLES: You want this kid?
"He said yes already." Oracle pointed out.
PICCOLO: I want him.
TURLES: You want this kid?
"He is treating him like a dog!" Takama exclaimed a facepalm.
PICCOLO: I want him!
TURLES: You want, you want?
PICCOLO: I WANT THAT KID! (charges at Turles, who tosses Gohan at him)
GOHAN: Hi, Mr. Piccolo!
PICCOLO: Merry Christmas. (gets blasted by Turles)
"There's an infestation problem still." Shiva Samba joked, "I'm sure he's more than a bug." Avaritia waved off.
GOHAN: Mr. Piccolo... (gets pinned to the ground by Turles' foot)
TURLES: Yeah, you're gonna stay right there. Now how 'bout I show you a little trick I learned? (Everyone: ???) If I put pressure down on this part of your back... (puts more force on Gohan's back, causing him to sprout his tail) ...your tail grows back!
"Ah poop..." the younger ones said.
GOHAN: And...?
TURLES: Look! (throws a fake moon in the sky and kicks Gohan before grabbing him by the eyes, forcing him to look at the fake moon) (The younger ones: Double poop!) It's the Star of Bethlehem. You know what means?
GOHAN: Jesus is born?
TURLES: Yeah, only instead of Jesus...it's a giant monkey.
GOHAN: I don't see the para- (transforms into an Oozaru)
"And he's still clueless about giant monkey form! Great!" Lemus cheered with fake glee.
GOKU: Gohan! (dodges an attack by Oozaru Gohan) Aw man... If Chi-Chi finds out about this, I might not get mouth present.
"Priorities." Jo'on and Nezumi said at the same time, causing everyone else to look at them weirdly and the two of them to blush.
TURLES: Now, what will you do? Son against father; father against son In a battle to the death! (Goku cuts off Oozaru Gohan's tail, returning him back to normal and catches him) ...Well played.
"...Did Goku just act smart?" Starrow asked, "Must have been a fluke or something." Oracle reassured, "Let's see if this keeps going in the next part." Hatsu suggested.
Just wanted to say that you're free to ask questions to gain some context, this story takes place in point in time where a lot of things have happened and I'm still quite early when it comes to the timeline of the stories, so if you are confused about something, ask away.