"Hold on, you two are War and Famine?" Avaritia asked, "You know that sweetheart!" Fardie winked, "Are you flirting with my mother/wife?" Starrow and Shakara asked at the same time, "She became a tease for quite a while." Puria summed up quickly, "I see..." Tauira said with uncertainty, "So I'm guessing-" Paint started before pointing at Fardie "You're Famine-" She pointed at Puria "And you're War." She finished, only to be met with a giggle from Puria, "Actually I'm Famine." She corrected, "What!? I thought Famine would be a little more malnourished!" Paint pointed out, "I'm not malnourished!" Faride yelled at Paint, "Farily out of you two, you do look malnourished Fardie." Tauira told her, "Look, as much as this reunion is great, maybe we should go back to the episode." Hatsu said, "Episode?" Puria asked, "Comedy series, just a sec." Shiva Samba explained as she snapped her fingers, putting the contents of the episodes in Puria's and Fardie's head, "Man that guy is thicker than Shakara!" Fardie joked, "What did you just-!" Shakara started, but Hatsu pressed play to stop them from fighting.
[DISCLAIMER]
KAISERNEKO: The following is a non-profit fan-based parody. DragonBall, DragonBall Z, and DragonBall GT are all owned by FUNimation, Toei Animation, Fuji TV, and Akira Toriyama. Please support the official release.
(scene cuts to an outside view of a mirror spaceship, where Krillin and Gohan are inside and surrounded at gunpoint by a group of space orphans)
CUTTER: So, Freeza sent you to follow us, huh? Looks like he wasn't satisfied with just our planet!
"What a way to introduce Frieza to the cast." Jo'on commented getting a nod from Nightmare King "They won't be meeting him anytime soon for sure, he sounds like the main big bad of the entire series." He noted, "Hatsu just looked at the titles of some of the next episodes and sweatdropped.
KRILLIN: Who the hell is Freeza-
CUTTER: Shut up! (Fardie: I would probably do the same honestly!/ Shiva Samba: And for that I keep saying you need to take your dose of sedative, how did you manage to make that poor guy crash land here everytime he even as much approach the planet!/ Fardie: No that was Puria./ Puria: You snitch...) There's no way we can let you people live! Not after what you did to our planet, our families!
"Not even hearing them out, great strategy guys." Oracle critiqued, "You hear people out?" Dreamiv asked, "I'm a war machine, not a slaughter machine." Oracle replied.
(Space orphans cheer)
CUTTER: (while aiming a gun at Krillin) And now, for you crimes against our people...
KRILLIN: Okay seriously, we have no idea what-
CUTTER: WE SENTENCE YOU TO DEATH!
"I thought guns couldn't hurt them?" Anomaly remembered confused.
KRILLIN: Uhhh, isn't that a little...
CUTTER: Men! Ready your blasters!
(many weapons are heard cocking)
KRILLIN: Gohan, this may be it. (Virus: But Anomaly is right! Guns can't hurt you!) Close your eyes!
CUTTER: Aim! FIRE!
(a shot is fired at Krillin's head, which shows to have no effect)
"Just as predicted." Anomaly stated, "But what the shooters gonna do in response to this?" Tauira asked, "Commit su1cide." Puria responded, "What?" Everyone let out in confusion.
KRILLIN: Oh... Huh...
CUTTER: Oh, my God! Freeza's men are stronger than we thought! Everyone! Take your cyanide tablets!
"WHAT!?" Everyone yelled minus Puria yelled in shock.
KRILLIN: But we told you, we don't know any Freeza-
(Space orphans drop dead one by one)
"No seriously! WHAT!" They reiterated.
KRILLIN: (completely shocked at what just happened) I... uh... uh...
GOHAN: (eyes still closed) Krillin, can I open my eyes now?
"Depends, do you like corpses like Nezumi?" Zettai asked in sarcasm.
KRILLIN: Just get back to the ship, Gohan.
GOHAN: But I can't see.
"Listen to the bald Monk." Tauira instructed, "You wouldn't listen to him though." Shiva Samba noted, "Yes, but I have context in this case." Tauira defended herself.
KRILLIN: JUST GET BACK TO THE SHIP!
[OPENING SEQUENCE]
(scene cuts to the spaceship flying through outer space)
KRILLIN: (in his thoughts)Krillin's log, stardate... uh... November 28th. (Starrow: What is this, a space odyssey?/ Hatsu: Yes.) We've been flying for two weeks now. (Shion: So they've ran out of food? I get the pain...)Starting to feel very pent up. (Shion: Actually, maybe we don't know the same pain./ Shakara: What does he mean with 'pent up'?) Not just for being trapped on the ship of course, but from Bulma walking around in nothing but her underwear! (Shakara: If it was Tauira I don't think I'd be able to hold myself back./ Puria-Fardie: You two actually got married!?/ Tauira: Surprise!) I would relieve this tension, but I've had no alone time as the toilet(out loud) KEEPS SCREAMING AT ME!
Virus turned to Jo'on and Shion "Are toilets supposed to that? Because ours don't." He clarified, "They're not, I guarantee." Jo'on reassured.
TOILET: Scheiße auf meinem gesicht!
Everyone was speechless for a bit while Oracle translated "That's disgusting!" Was the first thing that came out of her mouth when she finished, "What?" Thinner asked his wife, who just projected a transcription of the translation, "Oh f*ck that!" Those who weren't disgusted silent exclaimed.
KRILLIN: I'm not sure how much longer I can last...
BULMA: Krillin, are you saying something?
"Didn't he scream the last part?" Nezumi asked, "He did, Bulma must be deafer than Zettai to not have heard that." Anomaly commented, "I'm going to smite you." Zettai threatened with a smile.
KRILLIN: Nothing! (under his breath) Goddamn c*cktease.
"At least he's honest on being h0rny!" Fardie complimented, "I feel like that was a jab at me." Puria responded.
BULMA: Huh? You guys! You wouldn't believe it, but, I see planet Namek!
"Wait, how does she know?" Starrow questioned.
KRILLIN: Wait, how the hell do you know it's planet Name... (sees a giant neon sign that says "Planet Namek") (Avaritia: Does that answer your question?/ Starrow: There's no sign on the planet...) Huh. Well, what do you know? Bring us in for a landing, Bulma.
BULMA: (puts on her spacesuit) Yeah, um, about that...
KRILLIN: About what?
BULMA: Did I mention I don't really know how to land this thing?
"Easy: Say Popo." Virus instructed, "The ship would crash land with that." Fardie corrected.
KRILLIN: Uh... Seat-belts, Gohan! (Gohan quickly straps in his seat-belt)
(The spaceship drops down into the planet, with the word "Fake" briefly lighting up on the neon sign above "Planet Namek")
A few snorts sounded out in the viewing room at the sight of the sign, "Well! Better lable your things accordingly I guess!" Nightmare King chuckled out, "If it's a trap it's the dumbest thing ever!" Shakara commented, "Really, floor?" Pant and Thinner mused, "Says you two... Jars." Shakara smirked.
(scene cuts to the spaceship plowing through a wooded area, with Bulma, Krillin, and Gohan screaming, until it nearly stops short of falling off a cliff)
KRILLIN: See? This is why women shouldn't drive!
"Oracle, is this humor or stereotypes?" Dreamiv asked.
BULMA: Oh, right. This coming from the Asian!
"After that it's definetly stereotypes." Oracle confirmed.
GOHAN: Well, I'm half-Saiyan, what does that make me?
BULMA and KRILLIN: FIVE!
"So what? I can drive and I'm seven." Virus said confused, "Apparently legal age there is 18." Oracle explained, "Good to know." Jo'on responded, "Question: What is legal age?" Tauira asked, "I have no idea." Oracle replied.
(the ship tips forward and drops over the cliff, with everyone screaming before the screen goes black)
(scene changes to an outside view of a "Namakian" house with Bulma, Krillin, and Gohan slepping in a bed)
ZAACRO: Uh, are you sure they're okay? They've been out for a long time.
RAITI: Of course I'm sure they're okay! Now just follow the plan!
"They must be the ones who built the sign." Avaritia deduced, "But what is their plan?" Puria wondered.
ZAACRO: We had a plan?
"You know, if I said that bald guy is thicker than Shakara, this guy is somehow thicker than he is." Fardie said in bewilderment.
RAITI: Of course we have the plan, stupid! (Zettai: Okay, that's it, I gotta ask, what's with their voices?/ Shion: Thank you! I thought I was the only one who noticed./ Lemus: Me too, I hate it a lot!) To take their ship, and get off this stupid rock. (Takama: I just realized, these two are broadcastig THEIR ENTIRE STRATEGY!) (Bulma starts to wake up) Oh crap, they're waking up! Act natural, act natural!
"AND ONLY NOW THEY'RE TRYING TO COVER FOR IT!" Takama lamented, "Shakara, Tauira, remember when you asked me who I tend to back up in wars?" Fardie asked her colleagues, "Yeah?" The two of them replied curiously, "This is the kind of people I don't back up." Fardie finished off.
ZAACRO: Hi.
RAITI: Hiii!
ZAACRO: Welcome to Namek!
RAITI: Yeah, Namek!
ZAACRO: Totally.
RAITI: We're totally Namekers.
"I don't know how much more I can take of these idiots." Starrow admitted, "Hopefully we cut away to Vegeta or Freeza or whoever else there is..." Hatsu agreed.
BULMA: You mean Namekians?
RAITI: Yeah, those guys. (Anomaly: They're so inbred it hurts...) That's us!
ZAACRO: So, uh, what brings you to, like, our planet?
RAITI: Which is Namek.
BULMA: Well, we're here to search for the Dragon Balls.
RAITI: Eww! That's disgusting! (Avaritia: Tell me he's not making the same joke as Starrow when this entire thing started...) Why would you-
ZAACRO: I think they mean the ones that grant wishes.
"Good for you mom! But does it make you feel better?" Thinner asked, "Not really..." Avaritia admitted.
RAITI: Oh yeah, we totally have those! The wish-granting balls...
BULMA: Oh. Well, if you wouldn't mind helping us look for them.
RAITI: Oh yeah, we'll help you find the ball dragons.
"The Ball Dragons!" Jo'on repeated, but in a mockingly mighty voice, "The only thing I fear!" Shiva Samba said, catching on to the joke.
ZAACRO: (off-screen) Dragon Balls.
RAITI: Yeah that one. Hey Zaacro.
ZAACRO: What?
RAITI: We should totally help them find them, and then we'll take them and then we'll make our wish for ourselves!
"Wait, they actually have Dragon Balls?" Lemus questioned
ZAACRO: Uh, ours don't actually grant any wishes. (Lemus: Oh okay./ Shion: I was honestly worried for a moment there.) I think we made that up. Did we make that up?
RAITI: What? No... Why would we make that up?
"Because they're absoulutely ridiculous?" Zettai suggested, "No I think it's because they're completely awful at this." Virus hypothesized.
ZAACRO: Well, 'cause, like ya told me when we read their minds that we wanted their ship so we could get off this planet.
"They're still talking out loud, my God." Nightmare King facepalmed, "These two are the worst strategists I've ever seen..." Fardie shook her head in disappointment.
RAITI: That's... that's... no... that's just no. (Paint: What the f*ck is he talking about? We heard them earlier!) We would never do that, dude. Come on, not cool.
GOHAN: Krillin, do these two seem off to you?
KRILLIN: I like 'em!
"Of course he does, what else to expect am I right?" Takama shrugged.
RAITI: Time to find the Dragon Balls!
(scene shifts to an outside shot of Freeza Planet 218 and then inside with Vegeta in a healing tank)
"Why are we here?" Nezumi asked, "Must be important since Vegeta is here." Puria replied.
DR. BIRDENHEIM: Yeah, he landed here a few days ago. He was pretty messed up, I'll tell ya what.
"Yeah, shattered ribs, broken legs, missing tail, probably blinded in one eye, anything I'm missing?" Nezumi listed, "Haunted." Oracle addded, "Thank you auntie." Nezumi smiled.
RUDY: But, what happened to his partner?
DR. BIRDENHEIM: Well that's the screwed-up part. They say he killed his partner and that his ghost still haunts him to this very day.
"Wait, how do they know that?" Thinner asked, "Talked in his sleep?" Dreamiv suggested.
RUDY: What? Really?
DR. BIRDENHEIM: No! What are you, stupid? (Dreamiv: Nevermind, it's a coincidence./ Shakara: Actually I have a doubt, but I'm not sure if it's right.../ Virus: Me too, but Vegeta crushed his scouter so I don't know how they know that Nappa died.) We're doctors! Scientists! Now inject this man with some science! Delicious, magical, science!
VEGETA: (thinking) Gotta... get... out of here... Gotta... get to... Namek... Gotta... get the... Dragon Balls... God... dammit... Nappa!
GHOST NAPPA: You were saying... saying... saying...
"So it wasn't a one time thing!" Avaritia exclaimed, "Wait... Now that I think about it, I never collected his soul..." Shakara remembered, "What?" Puria and Tauira asked at the same time, "Does that mean there's still an idiotic ghost running around?" Fardie questioned, "No, I should feel if there is a ghost still lingering." Shakara explained, "That's weird... Really weird..." Paint responded.
(Vegeta's muffled screams are heard)
DR. BIRDENHEIM: My God! We have to get him out of there! His heart rocket is skyrating!
"There it is again! That feeling that something is wrong! But this time it feels correct?" Oracle brought back up, "That means the writing for the joke is done right." Hatsu complimented.
RUDY: Uh, don't you mean his heart rate...
DR. BIRDENHEIM: Dammit, man, I'm a doctor, not an English teacher! (Anomaly: No, to be a doctor you need to know the terms, I can assure./ Nezumi: I'm imagining him doing a heart operation and asking for a kidney.) (fluid drains out of the healing tank) Good to see you're awake, Vegeta. We have to apologize, though. We... couldn't save your tail.
"We can see that, still trying to figure out why he would need that still." Takama wondered, "To transform under the full moon obviously." Fardie rolled her eyes, "He still lost while transformed remember?" Puria reminded, "Oh yeah... My bad." Fardie said sheepishly.
VEGETA: (putting on his armor) It's alright. I can live without it.
DR. BIRDENHEIM: If you call that living. You'd walk around a shell of your former self, everyone calling you a "tail-less freak"!
Jo'on smirked before putting her hand to her ear like a phone, "Hello? Express murder? I would like to request a way to piss off Vegeta." She said getting a laugh out of everyone.
VEGETA: ...You know, I could probably kill all of you and Freeza wouldn't care.
"Exactly the point!" Jo'on agreed.
DR. BIRDENHEIM: Yeah, but that still wouldn't get your tail back.
The doubling down made almost everyone facepalm, "At this point he is asking to get killed." Lemus commented.
VEGETA: (now smiling) ...Tell me something, which is your favorite internal organ?
"That should already rise a few red flags!" Tauira said.
DR. BIRDENHEIM: What a odd question! But if I had to choose I guess I have to say my liver. (Tauira: And he answered.../ Nightmare King: Were you expecting anything else?/ Tauia: No, but i still can't believe it.) (Vegeta's shadow approaches Dr. Birdenheim)
(scene cuts away to two soldiers as Dr. Birdenheim's painful scream is heard off-screen. Vegeta is seen walking past the two soldiers.)
VEGETA: (thinking) You know, it's the simple things in life.
"Heh, that's true." Lemus agreed, "Why have more when what you already have is enough." Puria said sagely.
CUI: Hey there, Vegeta.
VEGETA: Speaking of simple, what is it, Cui?
"I'm guessing bad blood." Paint said, "You would know." Thinner commented, "SHUT IT!" Paint warned.
CUI: Where are you off to in such a hurry?
VEGETA: Off to plow your mother!
"How original." Shion blanked.
CUI: Ha! Shows what you know, Vegeta. We reproduce asexually.
"You know what? Screw this guy!" Oracle flipped off, "
VEGETA: Gross, out of my way. (Jo'on: And never show your face again!/ Shiva Samba: My thoughts exactly./ Fardie: Is that why you asked me to send them in a never ending war?) (begins to walk past Cui)
CUI: (grabs Vegeta shoulder) Off to Namek are we?
VEGETA-Everyone: ...Come again?
CUI: We heard about the Dragon Balls. (Thinner: That's impossible by every sense of the word!) We know the Namekians made them and Freeza is way ahead of you.
VEGETA: What?! How?!
CUI: The scouter was on the entire time.
" But he crus-... Oh my Gooooood!" Nightmare King lamented, everyone else looked at him for a moment before realization struck them too.
VEGETA: That's impossible! My transmitter was off the entire time! Whose scouter was- (suddenly realizes that there was only one person who accompanied him to Earth)
"Say it with him everyone." Hatsu Instructed.
(cuts to Vegeta in a space pod, how having a scouter, on his way to Planet Namek)
VEGETA-Everyone: GODDAMMIT NAPPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
(scene shifts to "Planet Namek" where Bulma is seen holding the Dragon Radar)
BULMA: Wow, you guys. We've already found two Dragon Balls.
"How is that surprising?" Nezumi asked, "They did gather them extremely quickly when wishing for Goku to come back to life." Anomaly noticed too.
KRILLIN: Wow! This usually takes us, like... months.
"Months!?" Shion exclaimed in shock, "I don't believe him!" Oracle refused to aknoweldge that.
RAITI: That's because you're on the planet Namek. Everything's better up here. (Starrow: They actually managed to keep the cover up for this long./ Lemus: I know, impressive.) You should totally stay here... forever. While we take your ship.
"Maybe we're still overestimating them though..." Lemus wondered.
KRILLIN: What?
RAITI: Oh, look it's another Dragon Ball in the lake. You should go get it!
(shows the ship flying over a giant skeleton)
KRILLIN: Is that a giant skeleton?
RAITI: Oh come on, dude. What are you, chicken? Don't you want to have the awesome adventures? On the planet Namek? With the Dragon Balls? And the awesome musical montage?
"Wha- NO! No no NO!" Hatsu exclaimed at the musical part.
("Gotta Find That Dragon Ball!" theme song plays while the group is shown finding five Dragon Balls)
RAITI: Hey, wasn't that fun?
"It wasn't!" Hatsu responded angrily, "What do you have against musicals?" Shion asked, "They're long and ruin the pace!" Hatsu explained.
ZAACRO: Yeah, it was... woo...
KRILLIN: Hey, um, I've been meaning to ask you guys. Where are all the other Namekians?
"It's only them on the planet?" Avaritia questioned.
RAITI: Oh, they're around. Don't even pretend you didn't see them.
ZAACRO: Yeah, we passed them like, three times.
"They're not that good at gaslighting." Puria commented, "How do you know?" Shakara asked and Puria whispered in her ear "It's part of the job."
RAITI: Didn't you see Steve?
ZAACRO: He waved!
RAITI: Don't diss Steve.
ZAACRO: Yeah, don't do that.
RAITI: He has social phobias.
"I wonder what's up with Steve..." Virus asked, "They made him up." Oracle explained, "I know that, but why did they make up a character with this much of a backstory? He's not even real!" Virus explained his confusion.
BULMA: Come on, you guys! We only have one more Dragon Ball left! Then we can wish back our friends!
RAITI: What? No! We can't let you do that!
"Wait I thought their plan was to distract them with the fake Balls and take their ship while they make their 'wish'." Takama said in confusion, "I think he got too caught up in his lie." Hatsu hypothesized.
ZAACRO: Yeaaah. We- What?
RAITI: See, we can't let you have the Dragon Balls. They're our Dragon Balls! We will take them and we will make our wish for ourselves! (Shakara: They're... Fake... I'm talking at a screen./ Dreamiv: We might be losing our sanity watching this.) And then, you suck our three-foot long Schwanzstuckes!
KRILLIN: Your what?
ZAACRO: Our- our wangs.
"Didn't Nappa say Namekians don't have- they're not Namekians are they?" Zettai realized, "They look pretty convincing honestly." Nezumi complimented.
RAITI: It's funny because "wang" means penis.
KRILLIN: Wait a minute! Namekians don't HAVE penises!
RAITI: What?! What are you talking about?! Of course we do!
"They did their research well didn't they?" Avaritia joked, "Yeah, I wonder if they remembered the fact Nakemians breathe fire from their antennae." Starrow added to the joke.
ZAACRO: Uhh, actually, I, uh, read their minds... and I don't think we do.
KRILLIN: You guys aren't Namekians at all!
(scene shows Raiti and Zaacro in their true forms)
"Oh my me! What the hell are those!?" Shiva Samba exclaimed in horror, "Revolting! That's what!" Jo'on and Nightamre King responded in equal horror.
RAITI: Oh look what you've done, Zaacro! Why do you have to go and mess this up? Blow our cover.
ZAACRO: Okay, I did not do that. Did I do that?
"Technically they both did." Fardie commented.
RAITI: Well you must have 'cause I would never do anything that stupid.
"He is the chief idiot there though." Anomaly commented.
ZAACRO: Well, there was that one time... when you got mad at those two guys... who just wanted to play a children's card game. And you made us chase after them... then we ended up crashing here... on this planet.
"If there's a more idiotic reason to get stranded, tell me." Puria requested, "There isn't." Tauira replied.
RAITI: Why did you have to bring that up? Open those wounds... You know what? Screw it. Just summon the tentacle monsters.
"Tentacle what!?" Jo'on and Shion exclaimed, "What's wrong?" Shakara asked.
ZAACRO: Oh, all right. Umm, tentacle monsters... heeeere. (roaring sounds are heard from a lake) Okay, I think that did it.
"We fown something more revolting than the pink guys! Great!" Nightmare King fake cheered.
RAITI: Hah! Now soon, you will deal with the many protruding tentacles of the violating tentacle monster.
"And there it is!" Jo'on quickly covered her eyes.
KRILLIN: Don't worry, Bulma! I'll protect you!
RAITI: I was talking to you, baldy.
"Oh that's even worse.." Shion held back a gag.
KRILLIN: Wait, wha- (tentacle monster grab Krillin's leg) Oh! (tentacle monster grabs Krillin's neck and starts pulling him away) No! No! No not there! (Raiti and Zaacro are seen smiling) Whoa, God! Help me! Help! Aaaaugh-
(scene shifts to Krillin waking up from inside the spaceship, screaming and taking deep breaths)
"A DREAM!?" Everyone exclaimed, "That explains a lot!" Dreamiv exclaimed.
KRILLIN: (thinking) Oh God... Oh... Oh man... That was... that was terrifying...
MR. POPO: (shows up next to Krillin) I'll say.
KRILLIN-Everyone: NOOOOOOOOOO-
(scene shifts KaiserNeko waking up, startled and looking around)
"This is getting weird even by dream standards..." Dreamiv commented
KAISERNEKO: Oh, man. I have got to stop editing so late.
(his computer screen goes black, before Popo's face appears on it)
MR. POPO: I'll say.
"No this is getting absurd!" Avaritia exclaimed.
(KaiserNeko starts screaming)
[ENDING SEQUENCE]
[STINGER]
(scene shifts to Planet Namek with the camera panning up to Guru's House)
"Where is this?" Thinner asked, "Namek." Starrow replied, "I can see how it's Piccolo's home planet, it's as dull as he is." Thinner commented.
NAIL: (walks up to Guru) Lord Guru.
GURU: Huh?
NAIL: I have terrible news. Someone has attacked the planet.
"Freeza." Everyone except Nightmre King said, "Is that how you say it?" He asked instead, "Still no clue." Starrow replied.
GURU: This is very serious. I must put on my war face. Hm! (Zettai: OH! ScARy!/ Jo'on: Very much so!/ Fardie: It's the shame of all war faces...) There, now show me yours.
(Nail shows a serious face)
"Now THAT is a war face!" Fardie complimented, clapping a little too.
GURU: Needs work.
"No, yours needs work, years of it." Fardie corrected, "And that's episode 1 of season 2, I'd say it's as insane as the rest." Hatsu said outloud, "I wonder what else there's going to be." Paint wondered, "Why wait? Let's see the next episode!" Shakara cheered as Hatsu put on episode 2.
If you decide to read this, here's a little Sneak Peek of the story I will write afte Nika: Skyward Sword is finished.
Team RWBY is sat on the other side of a desk while a woman wearing a labcoat is looking at them, "You're telling me that Wizard of Oz guy sent you here to investigate this place?" the woman asked, "If you put it like that, it does sound ridiculous." Weiss agreed, "But we were tasked to figure out what caused all these worlds to fuse together!" Ruby explained, "You don't see me freaking out about it, much less anyone else in this whole facility." The woman said, "You have a point..." Ruby said, "You know, maybe we started on the wrong terms, I'm Blake, the blonde one is Yang, the one with the cape is Ruby and the pale one is Weiss." Blake introduced the whole team, "Well, nice to meet you, I'm Shakara." The woman introduced herself.
RWBY: Vortexverse AU Asylum.