Look at all of you cheering on these three girls. We love it so, so much. Thanks to all of you for reading, reviewing, following, joining in on posts in our Nerdy Lil Darlins facebook group, and for Pamela for prereading, even though we keep filling your inbox with far too much mayhem.
Stay tuned at the end of this chapter for an announcement!
-19-
Alice
July 7, 2023
Lighthouse Cove, Maine
Is there anything you need? I'm swinging by the store in a bit.
We went earlier in the day so we're good. Thanks anyway! See you around six?
Can't wait.
It's a quick text exchange with Jasper, but it's enough to make me daze off as I sit on an oversized couch in the living room.
The girls and I had been running around all morning trying to get everything ready for tonight, and I need a minute to let the thoughts in my head come to a relative stop before the night begins. In true Bella fashion, she had sprung the news of inviting Edward to the house in a panic, and even though all three of us could have spiraled into what having this get together at our house tonight with the guys could mean, we woke up this morning ready to face the day.
We're having a party.
For the first time here in Lighthouse Cove.
We woke up early and sat down outside on the porch with the rest of Jasper's muffins and made a plan. What food to get. Where to get it from. What liquor store we should go to so we could pick up the essentials we would need for the six of us.
The six of us.
It's a…foreign concept to me. To all of us. It's not necessarily unwelcomed – it's just different from our usual party of three.
We've had all morning to discuss what exactly has happened over the last handful of days. Our circle seems to be growing; all three of us have been catapulted into something new, regardless if we're ready for it. Sure, we're grown women and have the power to put a stop to anything we don't want. The truth is, and we all realized this as we threw more and more food into our shopping cart, that maybe we don't want this to stop.
Maybe we've grown so used to being independent that we're caught up in the game of feeling wanted.
And maybe that's okay.
My phone buzzes next to me in my seat again, pulling my gaze from the wispy dunes on the side of the house. After all the food and drinks had been put away, I had told the girls I could use a few minutes to gather myself, and had come in here and plopped right down on the couch. If I plan it right, I can still squeeze in a tiny nap to help me get my bearings once again.
Truthfully, I seem to lose them when it comes to anything involving Jasper.
I pick up my phone, expecting to see his name, but this time it's not him.
I can't answer my phone fast enough when I see my mother-in-law's name flash on the screen, and immediately I'm swiping to open FaceTime with Bree.
My heart swells at the sound of her voice, a tug on the invisible strings between us that no amount of distance can ever tear down. She tells me all about her vacation with Peter's parents, even though we call each other multiple times each day and I've heard the same stories hundreds of times already.
I'll listen to them a thousand more times if I have to.
I can't get enough of the way her face lights up when she tells me about her new adventures of boogie boarding in the ocean and meeting Rapunzel at Disney. It makes me want to squeeze her and never let go. Pour all my love into her and never let her forget just how much she is loved.
Lighthouse Cove lets me do just that. It gives me the time to replenish my own soul so I can continuously give her everything she needs and everything she deserves.
We hang up not too long after, and it gives me the peace I need to close my eyes and rest for just a few minutes.
She's okay. More than okay, by the sounds of it.
It won't be long until it's time to get ready, and I have a feeling I'm going to need all the energy I can muster to make it through our night of everything new.
. . .
I have an hour until Jasper is supposed to be here and I'm not used to all the differing feelings coursing through my blood right now. I'm inspecting every room to make sure everything is crisp and tidy. I'm going through the menu and hoping what we have is sufficient, even though it's crystal clear that we'll have enough to last us through the next apocalypse. I've checked the propane of the grill, made sure we had enough beach chairs in case we all wanted to venture to the beach later, and made sure the bathrooms were equipped with fresh towels in case anyone needed a fresh shower.
I'm restless.
"Can you not pace a hole into the kitchen floor?" Rose calls from the living room.
"Yeah, we're gonna need that space later and it'll be really hard for everyone if we have to step over your corpse," Bella adds in, and I huff an anxious laugh in response.
"This wasn't even my idea and I'm the most nervous out of all of us!"
They're lost in their own worlds, too. And I can't blame them one bit.
Eventually I make my way upstairs again, and I slip into my bedroom to make sure I didn't accidentally leave a pair of underwear on the floor or something.
Not that I plan on bringing anyone into my room tonight, anyway.
Nevertheless, I have to remind myself I'm here to have fun as I'm on my hands and knees searching under my bed to make sure I haven't left anything behind.
Having fun doesn't mean I have to be nervous, I think to myself when there is nothing else left for me to keep myself occupied with. Sighing, I walk to the full length mirror hanging on the back of the door and tilt my head to the side.
I'm staring at my reflection, trying to connect the girl in the mirror to the girl I feel hiding inside. On the outside, I play the part. I have make up on and perfume spritzed in places I haven't spritzed in years. There isn't a strand of hair left on my body beside the hair on my head, which falls just above my shoulders in loose beach waves. My black dress is simple and stops half an inch above my comfort zone. My toenails are painted and comfortable inside of a trusted pair of slinky black flip flops.
The girl on the inside? Terrified.
Besides a brief time apart in college where we tried to experience other people, Peter and I had been together since we were practically kids. There was a level of comfort and familiarity with him that made new moments, intimate moments, easier.
And I'm not saying I'm uncomfortable with Jasper at all. In fact, I can feel myself let another one of my walls down with him every time I'm with him. But he's not familiar. Everything about him is new and instead of the quiet, steady known there was with Peter, there are layers I have to discover about Jasper on my own. At my own pace.
And I don't know how to do that.
Because the more time I spend with Jasper, the more this girl inside longs to break free out of hiding. And I know it won't be easy for her to make that escape. It'll be messy and clumsy and downright scary to take such a huge leap of faith. But the truth is I'm not sure how much longer I can deny myself how I feel about him.
I don't want to hide anymore.
I want to feel again.
Jasper may be the kind of person who needs to pull me out of hiding place.
He's attentive. Kind. Loves his family.
Gorgeous to the point where it hurts to look at him sometimes.
Tonight is no different. He arrives at six like he says he would, and when I meet him at the door and let him in, he smells of a perfect blend of cedar and orange, with a hint of spice that almost pulls me completely out of my hiding spot.
I almost forget how to speak as I close the door behind him. His skin is sun-warmed against the gray of his tee shirt, and his jeans are as dark as my thoughts when I catch his eyes discreetly traveling down my legs. His eyes move to mine just as quickly as they had moved down my body, and he flashes me a nervous smile.
"It's not much," Jasper says, raising a glass dish in his hand. I move to take it from him, ignoring the heat I feel under my skin when his fingers graze mine beneath the glass.
"It's a 4th of July Berry Trifle, Jasper," I laugh as we make our way to the kitchen. He follows close behind as we stop in front of the island to admire his dessert. "It's huge and it's amazing!"
He helps me find room in the refrigerator for his trifle as he explains how to make it. My mouth waters not just at the sight of the fresh strawberries and blueberries he has brought, but because of his proximity as we maneuver things around to fit it inside. His sunglasses are propped up on his head, his blonde curls slightly out of place by the frames as he admires the stock we have in the refrigerator.
"I hope you're hungry," I say. "We have burgers, dogs, salad, corn on the cob. All the staples."
"You weren't kidding when you said you went shopping earlier," Jasper whistles as he looks at all the food. He shuts the door and turns to look at me. "It sounds amazing. I'd love to help."
"I'm sure we can put you to work somewhere around here," I laugh, looking around for the bottle of wine I had gotten for tonight. Remembering I had placed it in the freezer earlier, I grab two glasses and move to open the freezer door. "How about a drink first?"
"I put a few beers in the cooler outside," he tells me with a nod. "Here."
I watch him reach for the bottle and glasses from my hand, my eyes mesmerized by the sight of his fingers working the cork.
I can't take a sip of my wine fast enough.
If I'm already this distracted after he's only been here a grand total of five minutes, I can only imagine the trouble I'll get myself into after a few glasses of the wine Jasper has poured for me.
"Be sure to thank your mother for the trifle," I say over my shoulder as we make our way outside onto the porch. We stop at the cooler so Jasper can grab a beer for himself before turning the corner to sit on the side of the porch where we sat for muffins the other morning. As we make ourselves comfortable at the table, he stops to look at me in astonishment.
"What makes you think it wasn't me who made it?" He pretends to act indignantly and I laugh.
"Did you not tell me last night that the only dessert you were capable of was scooping ice cream into a cone?"
"Ahh, you remembered."
"Of course I remember," I say. "Promise you'll tell her?"
He nods, reaching into his pocket. He quickly taps a message to his mother and shows it to me as proof once he's finished. "Done."
"I didn't mean right this second," I laugh.
Jasper shakes his head and waves a hand like it was nothing. "Eh, she was probably waiting for it anyway."
I smile at the thought. "Oh really? That's so sweet."
He shrugs and reaches for his beer, bringing the bottle to his lips. "She bakes for people she likes. Loves hearing what they have to say about whatever it is she baked for them."
"Aww, she likes me?" I gush, happy to hear she thinks so fondly of me even after only meeting for as briefly as we had on the beach.
Jasper nods, placing his bottle down on the table. He looks me in the eye briefly before he moves his gaze to the ocean in front of us, an almost bashful smile pulling on his lips. "What's not to like?"
I feel a tingle spread slowly through my body.
"I agree with your mom," Rose says from out of nowhere, pulling out a seat at the table. A man follows behind her, offering us a smile and a quick wave as he sits next to her. "What's not to like about our Ali?"
"You must be Emmett!" I say excitedly, eager to change the subject now that we're no longer alone. "We've heard so much about you."
"Yeah? I feel like I know you girls already with how much I've heard about you over the years. I hope what you've heard has been good," He casts a playful look at Rose.
"Mostly," I say, earning small laughs from everyone at the table. "Jasper, this is Emmett and Rose."
"Nice to meet you," Jasper says warmly, reaching a hand across the table to greet Emmett officially. He does the same to Rose, and I ignore the side eye she gives me when she sees I wasn't exaggerating about him. Even though he lives up north, Jasper's warm southern hospitality still shines through.
"I've got a hook-up with one of the clubs on the mainland, so I had Edward take me in earlier to get a bunch of stuff. There's enough alcohol to knock out an elephant out there, so you guys help yourselves," Emmett offers.
This time, I lock eyes with Rose from across the table, both of us acknowledging the moment that is happening right now. She knows. I know.
We're happy. We're also royally fucked.
Bella had always been our little tumbleweed blowing in the wind, enjoying life wherever she landed. She was independent and driven — while Rose and I were both young and wading through the devastation of both of our marriages. We knew companionship. We knew of co-dependency. We were young and impressionable, somewhat naive to life's harsh realities.
But those were the Ali's and Rose's of the past. We're different people now. Experience has made us more cautious and self-reliant — and these two men sitting with us at the table are in the perfect position to demolish everything Rose and I have spent so long constructing.
Like I said, we're fucked.
Because I can tell just by the look on her face that she knows things are changing.
"Anyone hungry?" Bella asks, suddenly appearing with a large tray of vegetables in her hands, while Edward emerges with bowls of chips and dip behind her.
"Oh, hey guys. Perfect timing!" I say, standing to make room on the table for the incoming appetizers.
Bella sets the tray down, before turning to Edward, her hand briefly touching his forearm. "I'll go grab the oysters you brought."
"Ohhhh, aphrodisiacs!" Rose exclaims. "Now it's a party!"
"That's my girl," Emmett chimes in, all of us laughing as the proverbial ice is officially broken.
"Like you need oysters to get you in the mood," I say to Rose. "Maybe Bella needs one."
"What do I need?" Bella asks, coming back out with a tray of oysters sitting on ice. She's got a bowl of lemon wedges and a bottle of hot sauce in the other hand.
"A good shot down your throat," I say around another sip of my wine. I can feel Jasper laugh next to me, his shoulder bumping mine as he chuckles. I feel that same tingle again.
"Amen to that," Bella says, picking up an oyster. She pinches a lemon over it, hitting it with a quick shot of hot sauce, and is about to bring it to her lips when Edward stops her.
"You have to toast the first oyster," he says. "It's an old sailor's superstition."
There is a smile tucked into the corner of his mouth, and it's difficult to tell if he's messing with her or not. Either way, Bella's shoulders square up, and she nods, taking on the challenge.
"All right," she says looking around. "To old friends, and new," she glances at Edward with a small, almost hidden smile. "And the first salty load going down my throat of the season."
"The first of many!" Rose adds, taking her own oyster and raising it in the air.
We all follow suit, the only sounds to be heard are the slurps as the oysters go down. Wiping my mouth with a napkin, I turn to Edward where he sits at the end of the table next to Bella. "Salty loads aside, were these caught today, Edward?"
"Hauled in this morning," Edward says with a nod, tearing his eyes away from Bella. "I got them off a buddy of mine."
"Damn, they are sweet," Bella groans, her body shaking with a slight wiggle as she sets her shell down. "What else can I eat?"
"I think you've already got a full spread for you tonight," Emmett pipes in, nodding toward Edward.
"Salty loads and full spreads?" Jasper chimes in, shaking his head in amusement. "My kind of party."
I turn to look at him, amazed how a simple string of words can make a thousand images flash in my mind. The deep timbre of his voice, the way his eyes catch mine beneath the orange sky and soft glow of the twinkle string lights. The way he fits in perfectly with the friends I trust with my own life.
We finish our appetizers not too long after, and I make sure my camera is with me so we remember this night. Rose and Emmett have no problem posing happily in front of the lens, and I catch a moment between Bella and Edward as they stand in conversation in front of a smoking grill.
Cheers, indeed.
…
It's hard to imagine that even though we have been coming to this house for eight years now, it has never been as loud as it is at this very moment.
And that's saying a lot since our first summer here was when we were barely considered legal adults — it almost comes with the territory that we would be loud, irresponsible, and impulsive back then.
But tonight, the volume in the house is different. The energy in the house is different. There are sounds and smells that remind me of a different time in my life. I feel almost weightless and time means nothing.
The only thing that matters is the here and now.
And I'm kind of loving it, to be honest.
I pause for a moment, looking out through the clear windows onto the porch. The ocean serves as a calm and steady backdrop, looking almost purple as the sun sets over the island.
It's almost as beautiful as what's happening here at the house.
Not wanting to disrupt anything happening around me, I remain frozen near the island in the kitchen, freshly chopped cucumbers and tomatoes on the cutting board, and I watch.
I watch as old friends blend with new friends. I listen to loud laughs and the clinking of bottles as the guys bond together outside while us girls look on in amazement.
It's absolute insanity how fast things have changed around here.
"Do you think this is enough?" I hiss out loud in the kitchen as I look over all of the food. Edward and Bella have shared grilling duties this evening, the smoke and smells wafting around us all as we finish mixing the salad and steaming the corn.
"Between this and everything Edward brought? Definitely." Rose says, turning the stove off when she sees the corn is finished.
"Is it too soon for me to call dibs on the massive lobster he brought?" Bella asks, wiggling in place at the thought of the food.
"Which massive lobster are you talking about? The one on the grill or the one you're ogling in his pants?" I ask, coming back to life at the giddiness that fills the kitchen.
Bella barks out a laugh. "Ah, the pants lobster, New England's trouser snake."
"His anaconda don't want none unless you got buns, hun," Rose sings, bumping her hip into Bella's.
"Seriously though," I say once I can stop laughing. I reach for a pile of napkins to take onto the porch, swiping my glass of wine in the process. "What's happening between you two? I kinda love what I see."
Bella's gaze travels toward the window where Edward is tending the grill. "We're… becoming friends, I think." She looks at us. "Did you guys know he's smart? Not just like, smart but he's fucking intelligent."
She sounds impressed.
"Well, the books he's been reading on the ferry over the years have always been books that I'd never be able to understand," I laugh.
"I think I actually saw him reading Grey's Anatomy one year," Rose teases.
"I'm actually embarrassed to admit how old I was when I realized it's not a book based off the TV show," I kid.
"I think I spent so long trying to block him out with the rest of the world while we were here, I never picked up who he is. I kinda regret I've been missing out on a friend for so long." Bella's eyebrows tug into a frown, and I have to wonder if that's all she's starting to regret.
"It's never too late. Island Time, baby!" Rose says, plucking some plates from the cupboard to set the table.
"And let me tell you something," I add, throwing a used knife into the sink. "That guy over there isn't some friend."
"Not even a little bit. He's a good one, Bella. Take it from me, there's not many of them out there," Rose says.
Bella looks slightly distressed at the topic, so it's not surprising when she clears her throat and looks at Rose. "Like Emmett? How's his Pants Lobster?"
"Juicy…a little salty. But I can tell you I don't mind having the mess drip down my chin," Rose winks, adding the final plate to the pile to bring to the table outside.
"I'll think of that every time I eat a lobster now," I pretend to be bothered by the image behind my eyes, but in actuality, I love seeing Rose like this.
"And when's the last time you had a little lobster, ma'am? Looks like you have a willing contender in the tank out there," Rose laughs.
"Mhmm," Bella nods, counting silverware. "Hook, line, and sinker, I think. He's reeled in. Now what are you going to do with him?"
"Am I even ready to…be a hooker?" I ask seriously, mere moments before we all burst out laughing. "I want to say I'm ready. I feel ready. I know this trip is supposed to be about me and having fun but I think there's always going to be a part of me trying to convince myself that I don't deserve the fun without Peter. And I'm just going to have to unpack that once I'm home in Florida."
"Ali, that's a heavy load to carry," Rose says, turning to me. "Believe me, I know what it's like to punish yourself, but babe, you know Peter wants you to be happy, right? He said as much. He wanted you to live."
"I know," I sigh, taking one last look over to the island to make sure we have everything we need. "And do you know how long it's been since I've had any fucking lobster in my life?"
Too long.
"It's part of a healthy diet, you know. Does the body good," Rose says.
Just then, Jasper comes in looking to help us carry some things out to the table. Bella steps up beside me, nudging me with her hip.
"Unleash the kraken," she says out loud, and I pray he hasn't heard her.
Or maybe I do.
"How the fuck do I do that?" I whisper yell back to her, turning quickly to hand Jasper the bowl of salad we had almost forgotten about lost in our lobster talk. He smiles that smile that makes all of us suddenly quiet. As soon as the door closes behind him, Bella points a finger in my face.
"Gotta dive into the waters, head first, mouth open."
"Tongue out, like a good girl," Rose adds.
I swallow another sip of wine. "And drown?"
"You might choke a little, but who says that's a bad thing?" Rose asks.
"Or you may learn to breathe again," Bella finishes.
I watch him from the window. Watch as he helps set the table for us all, laughing at something Emmett has said.
And I take in a deep, cleansing breath.
. . .
It happens somewhere between dessert and the bonfire on the beach.
The moment when I know I can't keep living my life in the in-between. That place where I'm too afraid to move forward but can't go back, either.
Dinner had been amazing. Easily one of the most delicious meals I've ever had on the island. I wonder if it was because each bite had been punctuated with a laugh or a joke or a long-winded story from one of us that was met with another round of laughter that left our sides hurting and our eyes tearing.
The plates were stacked on the counter near the sink, the smell of fresh seafood and grilled cheeseburgers everywhere we went. It was delicious, and as I was walking inside wondering how we were all going to find room in our stomachs for Jasper's dessert, I looked up to see him at the sink. I had watched him grab the sponge and dish soap and turn the water on, and soon he began tackling all of our dirty dishes.
Without a word, I found my place next to him, and he smiled softly at me when he realized I had a drying cloth in my hand. He handed me a plate, and we worked together like it was the most natural thing to do.
That was when I knew.
I hadn't found just some random guy on the island.
I had found a good man. A man whose character bleeds through to everything he touches.
I feel it in his touch when we're walking to the bonfire on the beach, the sand cold between our toes but our skin hot when he touches my hand. And this time it's on purpose. It's not because our fingers met by accident.
It was because he was telling me something.
For the first time in years, I allow my heart to listen.
I listen when he tells me about his family while the flames from the fire cast perfect shadows across his face. I listen as his fingertips slowly circle and trace my own beneath our blanket. I listen when he tells me things that make us both laugh into the night sky beneath the stars.
I know he's listening, too.
And later, as the last embers of the fire struggle to stay alive, I realize I don't want him to go. Everyone else has disappeared, leaving us alone with the waves and the ocean wind. There is just enough light left for us to see each other.
"Do you have to go?" I ask him a few minutes later when he stands with a stretch. He doesn't answer at first, just reaches his hand out for me to find in the dark. As if he knows I'm searching for solid ground after years of being pulled in every direction. When my hand is firmly in his grasp, he pulls me close enough so I have to look up in order to see his face beneath the light of the moon.
"I don't want to," Jasper answers thickly, his lips close enough to my ear for me to feel them brush against my skin as he speaks. My eyes flutter closed at his touch, my hand leaving his to slide up his arm, stopping only when my fingers make their way into his hair at the nape of his neck. He groans lowly in my ear, wrapping an arm around my waist before pulling me flush against his chest.
I can barely breathe.
"Stay," is the only word my brain can form, utterly lost to the way I feel surrounded in his arms.
It's nothing compared to the way I feel when his lips crash against mine as the waves lap at our feet. The water is freezing this time of night, but a heat travels through my blood like I've never felt before as our kiss deepens.
His kiss is the spark I've needed to start living once again.
It feels like forever when we come up for air, and it still isn't long enough.
I want more.
"You have to give me a push," I whisper as his lips chase their way down my neck. I gasp as they ghost against my skin, my hands fisting his shirt as he lights my body on fire. His hands are on my hips, pushing me into him as his mouth and tongue steal all my secrets. I melt into his touch as a small voice inside my head tells me I should stop. I ignore it; the way his body feels against me pushes away every thought in my mind. "I need you to tell me this is okay."
His lips stop for a moment. "Ali," Jasper groans softly into my neck, loving the way he feels comfortable enough to call me by my nickname. I pull him closer to me as his voice fills my ears. "I won't push you into something you don't want."
"I do want this," I say firmly, pulling back just enough to see his face. His eyes search mine, and I wonder if he knows. I wonder if he knows how losing my husband has made me afraid to live.
But I have to try. For myself.
"I want you, Jasper. You just have to tell me I'm still a good person for doing this."
He pauses, pulling back so our eyes meet. His lips are swollen and his cheeks flushed, and I can't believe life has thrown our paths together.
"Good?" Jasper asks in disbelief. He rests his forehead against mine as the last of the fire burns out. "You're more than good."
Even though the fire has gone out, I trust him to lead me back into the light.
My bedroom is the first place we go.
GET. IT. GIRL.
We loved writing this chapter. We wrote a good portion of this chapter in the doc together at the same time, which is always a blast. Ariel and Jill posted a video of how this process looks last summer in our facebook group for our other collab, Invisible. It's a good look into how we make our process work - go watch if you haven't yet!
Onto the announcement! In the interest of having this summer fic come to a close at the end of summer, we will now be posting daily! Look for daily updates in your inbox starting today!
Rose will check in with you all tomorrow! WOOHOO!