Precipice by shadowsong26
Aftermath: Chapter 9
Two weeks.
It had been two weeks since the world had come crashing down, and they'd found sanctuary on Polis Massa. Part of Obi-Wan still expected to blink and be back on Utapau, standing over Grievous' smoking corpse-or even earlier, perhaps; back on Coruscant, saying goodbye to Anakin.
A goodbye that had come all too close to being permanent.
Maybe that, really, was where everything had fallen apart.
Things were better now, to a point. Anakin had been conscious for the last week. Obi-Wan hadn't had much chance to speak with him yet, but there would be time enough for that in the days to come.
At first, he had held back because-well, it wouldn't have been fair. Padmẻ and Bail had had to leave all too soon after Anakin finally woke, to resume something as close to their old lives as they could. Obi-Wan hadn't wanted to intrude on what small, precious time Anakin had with his wife.
Especially since, in all likelihood, it would be years before they saw one another again.
He had stayed close, though, and that had been enough. Like Padmẻ and the children, he had slept in Anakin's room (which he was fairly sure had brought Master Yoda's disapproval, but he couldn't quite bring himself to care at the moment). And they had managed to say the important things-we survived, we're side by side just as we have been for thirteen years, we will get through this, thank the Force you're alive, don't ever scare me like that again.
And then, after Padmẻ had left, Master Yoda had rather unsubtly ejected Obi-Wan, with a pointed suggestion that he use the time here to meditate, to reclaim his center. Which was fair; he knew he needed that time as much as Anakin needed the Grandmaster's council. He could guess, to an extent, what the two of them were discussing. The things Anakin had done-and hadn't done. There was, at this point, no real question of expelling Anakin from the Order, at least. Which, while merited under the old rules, was something of a relief for Obi-Wan. He wasn't entirely sure what he would have done, in that case. Particularly after coming so close to losing Anakin in a much more complete, irrevocable way.
Still, a part of him did wonder if this was right. Anakin's violations-while he himself was more than willing to turn a blind eye and had been even before everything had fallen apart-were serious ones. For him to escape any sort of sanction for the things he'd done…
But what sanction could there be, that wouldn't just compound their shared misery? Or, failing that, fade into the background of everything else that had gone so very wrong?
Besides, there were brutally practical concerns in play-there were, quite simply, too few Jedi left. And Anakin, despite his violations, was good. They could not afford to lose him. Not now.
A messy question, and not one that Obi-Wan could answer-he was too close to it, without being quite at the actual center. So he had left it to Anakin and Master Yoda, to reflect on, and find a way through it.
For himself, he had taken the advice he'd been given, and retreated to a quiet corner of the base to try to sort through everything that had happened, to find a way to come to terms with it, insofar as he could. Leia helped, especially on those rare occasions when Anakin let her out of his sight and Obi-Wan got to hold her. Luke had, too, before Padmẻ had left, taking him away. And that shining thread of his little brother's presence, stronger and brighter every day, was a lifeline to which he clung.
He had, he thought, somehow reached some sort of new equilibrium, at least, but peace, true peace...came and went.
It would be a process. This grief, this unnamable, unimaginable grief...learning to live with it would be a process. One that would, most likely, take him the rest of his life.
But I have that life, he reminded himself. So does Anakin, and so do the children…
With that thought to give him hope for the future, he managed. Most of the time.
It would be easier, perhaps, when they got moving again. He smiled a little to himself at the thought. Anakin's rubbing off on me, I think. Always on the move.
As if that thought had prompted him, he stood up and stretched, and started working his way through the complex, back towards Anakin's room.
"...been having the same conversation in circles for three days now," he heard Anakin saying as he rounded the last corner.
Obi-Wan paused. He wasn't entirely sure he should be hearing this, but-well, he had been worried. And if he wanted to know how to help his brother-better than he had been lately-he needed to know things Anakin would never tell him. Things he himself could never ask directly. It wasn't their way.
"Hmmm," Master Yoda was saying. "And?"
"I don't know," Anakin said quietly, after a long pause. "I feel like I come up with a different answer every time."
"Yes," he said. "I, as well."
That wasn't an admission Obi-Wan had expected to hear. For all Yoda had pointed out the Order needed to change…
We are all adrift. He, as much as Anakin or I. The future is-not clouded, precisely, not the same way it has been the past few years, but...lacking in any sort of foundation.
"So, what happens now?"
Obi-Wan's attention was caught again at that. Anakin's tone was...different, than he had come to expect. Particularly in those last few weeks, before he had gone to Utapau, and left Anakin caught between the Council and Palpatine.
I should have brought you with me, he thought. Whatever the Council said, I should never have left you with him.
He closed his eyes and released that guilt into the Force. Agonizing over past mistakes wouldn't unmake them. He would learn from it and move on. And the next time someone-whether it was Anakin, or Master Yoda, or Obi-Wan himself-went to face Palpatine, it wouldn't be alone. He would see to that.
But that change in Anakin's tone concerned him. Rather than bitter, verging on desperate, he just sounded...tired. Resigned.
I'm not sure I like that any better, he admitted to himself. But-we're all tired. We're all grieving. Hopefully, this will pass. Hopefully, he will come out of this-better than he was. Stronger, steadier, but still himself. I don't want him to lose himself, as frustrating as he can be, I just…
"Years, we will have," Yoda said. "What meaning these changes have, to determine. And what shape, the Jedi Order will take."
"Years," Anakin said.
"But now, more immediate questions, we have to answer," Yoda said, his voice turning brisk. "Join us shortly, Obi-Wan will."
Ah. Another, thinner thread of guilt released into the Force-he really shouldn't have been eavesdropping.
That done, Obi-Wan took the last few steps down the hallway and tapped on the door.
"Come in," Anakin called.
"I hope I'm not interrupting," he said.
Anakin was upright, mostly unsupported. Leia was in his lap, as she almost always was, sleeping quietly, for once.
"No," Yoda said. "Finished, we are," he added, one ear twitching. "Until over, this war is, at least. Meditate on these questions, we both will, and find an answer then."
Obi-Wan nodded and found a seat on the other side of Anakin's bed. "How are we going to do this?" he asked. Simply stated, but not simple to answer. How are we going to fight the army that we once led? How, when there are so few of us to do it?
"A place I have found, to hide from the Emperor's sight," Yoda said, with a faint sigh. "Too old am I, for a war like this. And too valuable a target, for the Sith. Derail any mission, my presence would. But coordinate I can. Observe, identify, plan."
"Is it…" Anakin trailed off, then visibly steeled himself. "Is it going to be just the three of us?"
And that was Anakin, cutting straight to the heart of a matter, whether or not doing so was wise. Obi-Wan would have eased into it, but-well, the question needed to be asked, and was there really any way to soften it?
"Heard from no one else, have we," Yoda said. "From the Temple, did any others escape?"
Anakin closed his eyes. "I don't...know," he admitted. "I could tell you...I could tell you how many died, before I lost consciousness. But…"
"There may be others," Obi-Wan said. Such a thin thread of hope, but it was there.
"There must be," Anakin said.
He wasn't wrong. Even if-even if the official reports were true, and only Anakin had escaped the Temple alive, surely not every Jedi who had been actively deployed had been killed.
"I agree," Obi-Wan said quietly. "But the question...the question, then, is whether we seek them out."
The three of them let that hang in the air for a moment.
"No," Yoda finally said. And, as much as the word felt like yet another blow, Obi-Wan knew he was right. "Safer, it is, if scattered we remain."
Anakin looked like he was about to argue, but then he looked down at Leia, sleeping in his lap, and nodded once.
"Draw attention, you two will," Yoda said dryly. "Always, you have. Never change, do some things. Find us, others may. But seek them ourselves-we should not."
Another silence.
Anakin broke it this time. "So, when do we start?"
"Leave, I will," Yoda said. "Soon. Tomorrow, or the next day. Obi-Wan, when ready you are, some targets, I would suggest."
Obi-Wan half-bowed in his seat. "Yes, Master," he said.
"What about me?" Anakin said.
Obi-Wan and Yoda exchanged a long look. As you said, Master. Some things never change.
"You are staying here," he said.
Anakin frowned. "I'm not-"
"Leave this to you, I will, Obi-Wan," Yoda interrupted, hopping off his chair. "Speak again before I go, we will."
Anakin watched Yoda go, holding his argument back until the door shut and the two of them were left alone. "I'm doing a lot better," he said. "I'm not...I need to do something. I can help."
"I know," Obi-Wan said. "And, as soon as the doctors here clear you, I will be more than happy to have your help. But right now, your only responsibility is to heal."
"But-"
Obi-Wan simply raised an eyebrow.
Anakin shut his mouth and glared off to the side. "How long?"
Oh, good, that worked. "As long as it takes," he said.
Anakin sighed, then winced a little, putting one hand to his ribs. "I'm fine," he said, quickly, probably catching Obi-Wan's concern through their bond.
He frowned. "Anakin…"
"I'll behave," he said. "I just...I'm fine."
No, you're not. But I'm not, either I suppose. Though I'm a little closer than you are, I think. At least I'm not physically injured on top of-everything else.
Things fell quiet between them; a silence heavy with all the things they hadn't said, the past few years. All the ways they had failed each other, coming to the brink of-
Obi-Wan didn't know, and, frankly, he didn't want to, but one of the things he had been thinking through, the past two weeks, was Palpatine's intense interest in Anakin. An interest that stretched back over a decade, to his earliest days on Coruscant. An interest that had led to an intense, almost pathological loyalty-the same kind Anakin displayed towards everyone with whom he had bonded.
An interest that, given what Obi-Wan now knew, had had a very clear goal in mind.
He didn't know exactly how close Anakin had come. He didn't want to know. But he could guess. And he had a feeling that his mistakes, especially in the early days, had opened the door. He wasn't to blame, of course, but there were cracks here, deep in the foundation of their partnership. Cracks that the two of them needed to repair, if they were to survive and complete the long, arduous mission that lay ahead of them.
"Anakin, I..." he started again, then stopped, not sure exactly what it was he needed to say. Other than too much to put into words. Especially so soon after-especially when he was still so raw.
A process, he reminded himself. It's a process. Start with the basics.
"I think we've both-" He stopped. "I think we need to...there are things we have done, and not done, that…"
Anakin looked up at him, uncertain. "Master?"
Obi-Wan, silver-tongued though he was under most circumstances, found himself at a complete and utter loss for words.
Keep it simple. What is the single biggest problem here?
Secrets.
Anakin had kept secrets from him. Important secrets. Life-changing secrets. And he'd had his reasons, of course. Understandable ones, from his own perspective, at least so far as Obi-Wan had guessed. But still secrets, forming those cracks that had nearly allowed-
No. I do not want to think about that.
Besides, the problems weren't entirely on Anakin's end. Obi-Wan knew full well that he had handled things badly, particularly in the beginning, when he had first taken Anakin as his apprentice. For understandable reasons, again, the damage had still been done. And he had kept secrets of his own-though the potential consequences of his were not as grave, and he didn't do it by choice, for the most part; more often constrained by duty. Still, the Rako Hardeen incident, in particular, weighed on him. On both of them.
"No more secrets," he said. "That's...please? From either of us. From now on."
Anakin blinked, then nodded once. "No more secrets," he promised, then continued, all in a rush, stumbling over his words. "I...I know that's mostly been my fault, but I didn't...I didn't want to disappoint you. I was going to-I was going to do it right, I would have done it right, but then the War happened, and we couldn't wait, because something might have happened, and I couldn't leave, not until-"
"Anakin," Obi-Wan interrupted. "I'm not...I understand, at least so much as I can, why you made the choices you did. And I don't want to-I don't blame you. I just want...we need to do better by each other, in the future. And that means no more secrets. All right?"
"All right," he said, after taking a moment to process that. "No more secrets, from now on."
"Good," he said.
Another silence fell between them; but a lighter one. They hadn't quite cleared the air, but they'd come as close to a direct apology for mistakes of the past as either of them was likely to, and they had resolved to do better in the future. They were, once again, on the same page. Side by side. United.
He would, he decided, stay here for another few days, before he took out one of Yoda's targets. He wanted to make sure their new foundation was as secure as he thought it was and start to build on it. And spend more time getting to know Leia, he thought, glancing down at her fondly.
Anakin must have caught the thought, or the look, because he smiled and shifted just a little. "I don't think it'll wake her up if we move her. Want to hold her for a minute?"
"Yes," he said. "Should I pick her up, or…?"
Anakin flexed the fingers on his flesh arm, considering. He hadn't tried a full healing trance-probably not wanting to miss any time with Padmẻ, then needing to sort things out with Master Yoda-but Obi-Wan knew he'd tried a few tricks to accelerate the healing process. So, as opposed to having only one functioning arm, he was closer to one and a half. "Yeah, that's probably better."
He nodded and carefully reached over to pick up the child. As Anakin had suspected, she didn't stir.
And she was just as miraculous as she had been the first time he'd held her, if substantially quieter.
"I'm...glad you were there," Anakin said, after a minute.
"Hmm?" Obi-Wan looked up at him.
"When she was born," he clarified. "Since I couldn't...you're my brother, too, you know?"
"Oh," he said, touched beyond speaking again. He hadn't been quite sure how much of that conversation Anakin had remembered-he'd been barely conscious, after all, drugged and in pain…
"I remember enough," Anakin said. "The important parts. That was an important part." He cleared his throat, and flexed his hand again, before grinning up at him. "Anyway, I think Uncle Obi-Wan has a nice ring to it. Yeah?"
He pretended to think that over for a minute, but really, the answer was obvious. He grinned back. "You know, I think it does."
Author's Note: Sorry for the late update! I will be on time next week, I promise.
One more chapter, and then the Aftermath/Polis Massa arc is done, and we move on to other things! The cast will...like...double at that point. Should be fun!
Thanks for sticking with me!
~shadowsong