Chapter 27: Penny is the Hero
In which a lovable robot saves the school, nay, the world from certain doom.
Stupid. No, ignorant. That was it. These people, these…these children were all ignorant. Completely unaware that they were walking alongside a superior being.
The shoulder of some nobody, some thing, brushed against her own as he walked by. He'd just come as close to a true warrior as he ever would in his entire life, and he wasn't even aware. She might have felt pity if she was not above such childish feelings.
"Ma'am?"
Well, at someone showed her the proper respect.
"Yes, Emerald?"
"Um, I was just wondering…before we get started, if it's not too much to ask, um, could I…?" She nodded her head towards the counter.
"Go right ahead," Cinder said. "But remember, we're here for business. Don't let pleasure get in the way." Cinder made sure to inject a sultry note in her voice when she said the word pleasure. She'd sworn to never settle for anything less than complete control, and a little seductiveness always helped to maintain her dominant aura.
Cinder watched Emerald break off from the team and weave through the crowd towards the front of the fast food joint. Such an innocent girl. So obedient. So compliant.
"So, what're we up to here, boss?" inquired Mercury. Neo nodded, curious as well.
"According to Emerald's preliminary reconnaissance, this venue is a popular haunt among Beacon students. Neo's going to use her semblance to mingle amongst the crowd and overhear critical conversations. Weapon types, semblances, weaknesses – you get the picture."
"What's my task?"
"You, dear Mercury, shall have the most important task."
"Yeah?"
"You shall sit quietly in the corner and not interfere with Neo and Emerald's work. Stealth is their forte, not yours."
Mercury opened his mouth, but a pointed look from Cinder shut it. He grumbled but did as he was told.
Neo smirked. There was no love lost between her and Mercury. To be truthful, there was no love lost between anyone and Mercury, Cinder included.
Neo followed a young huntress into the washrooms, but only the young huntress exited. With a nod from Cinder, she joined a cluster of other students, smiling silently as they welcomed her back.
"How are they turning out?"
Cinder grabbed a fry out of Emerald's basket, heating it up until it was suitable for her tastes. When the food was little more than a toasted crisp, she popper it into her mouth.
"Neopolitan has proven herself quite useful with that semblance of hers. Mercury has yet to demonstrate his supposed prowess in combat, but he at least follows my orders. Obedience truly is a virtue."
"I-I know how much you value…obedience, ma'am," breathed out Emerald.
"Yes, you've been doing quite well yourself, Emerald. So well, in fact, that I do believe you've earned yourself some additional responsibility." Most would balk at receiving more work as a reward, but not Emerald. She practically lived to please Cinder. "I shall place our new allies under your command until the tournament. Continue to gather intelligence on our enemies. We must have the edge if we're to accomplish our goals."
"Yes, ma'am. I'll make you proud."
"I'm sure you will. I may check in every now and again. Be prepared for this at any time."
Cinder stole another morsel from the green haired girl's meal. It sizzled as she heated it. "Remember, Emerald. They're only fair-weather friends at best. We can only ever truly trust one another. The strength we've achieved, the power we've earned, it belongs to nobody but me…and you."
Cinder took a bite of the fry, then placed it back with the others. Emerald rushed to grab it, looking at the half-eaten snack like it was sculpted from solid gold.
"Too greasy. You wasted your lien."
"I didn't exactly pay for them."
Cinder frowned. "Now now, Emerald. I've told you time and time again – keep your hands clean. Lien will never be an issue for you again. Now, go back to the counter and pay the old man." She smirked and placed a hand on Emerald's bare shoulder. "You must be a good girl, Emerald. I'd simply hate for you to get into any trouble with the law."
"Amazon, we are go for launch. I repeat, Operation Arkos is go for launch."
"Must we call it that, Hedgehog?"
"It's your names put together."
"Right, no, I get it."
"What, do you not like it?"
"No, no, it's…good?"
"I sense hesitation…"
"Uhhhh…are you in position, Dove?"
"Amazon, you can't call him by his real name. It might give away his identity to the enemy."
"But Ru– but Hedgehog, I don't want to call him…oh Dust, I can't even say it."
"Amazon, we're going to have a limited window of opportunity to hit the target. There's no time to reassess our codenames for everything."
"Fine. B-Bronzewanker, are you in position?"
Pyrrha head Dove sigh through her earpiece. "Yes, Amazon. I am in position."
"Sorry!"
"No need to – snrk – apologize, Amazon; the nickname is well-deserved. I've caught Bronzewanker choking the chicken more than once…no, choking the dove! Haha–"
"Hedgehog, I have eyes on the target! Lunch line!"
"Shit! Commence Operation Arkos! Switch to radio silence and stick to the plan, boys and Invincible Girls!"
Jaune was walking away from the lunch lady with a tray of Beacon-issued grub in his hand. Dove was their semblance in the sky and stood just out of view in the hallway that led out the west entrance of the cafeteria. Russel sat with Team Rainbow. Pyrrha casually approached the table shared by the three first-year teams, ensuring that she sat down just after Jaune did.
"Hi, Jaune. Hi, Russel."
"Hi, Pyrrha."
"Hey guys."
Russel nodded. "'Sup, Pyr. Hey, I was wondering if I could ask you something."
"What do you wish to ask, Russel?"
"Where'd you get dat fine ass?"
Silence descended on the table.
After the moment it took for the words to sink in, Pyrrha assessed their reactions. Weiss looked positively scandalized. Yang's protein shake dribbled down her wide open mouth.
Pyrrha cringed at Dove's plan. Actually, no – Dove's plan was fine. The mistake was letting Russel write the lines. Things were already underway, though, so it was too late to back out now. In an effort to not give Operation Arkos away, she raised a hand to cover her cringing mouth as though she were trying to cover up a blush. "Whatever do you mean, dear Russel?"
Dust, their acting was worse than the Pumpkin Pete's Marshmallow Flakes Christmas Special, the one where she had to dress up like a woodchuck. It had taken her weeks to hunt down every last VHS tape, but daaaaaamn had that bonfire been fucking orgasmic.
"What I mean, sweet cheeks, is that I'm lookin' for a girl to show me a good time at the Beacon ball. And then, I'm gonna show her a good time with my ball…s. Now, I'm thinkin' I might be generous and let you be that girl. Whaddaya say, sugar?" Russel ran a hand through his mohawk. The hairstyle normally seemed a little peculiar, but it now worked to sell the mindless 'bad boy' image he was attempting.
You could hear a pin drop in the cafeteria. All eyes were on Pyrrha, eager to see just how dead she was going to make her teammate.
"W-Why Russel, how forward," Pyrrha purred, intentionally stuttering to sell it. "I think I might just have to say yes."
Sparks started to fly out of Yang's hair. Blake's fork bent as she squeezed it, the Faunus' teeth clenched and her eyes closed.
"How? Just how?!" Weiss roared.
Why thank you for asking, Weiss. Time to bring it home.
"No boy has ever shown me such attention before. And, besides, we're teammates, so I can count on Russel. I could only trust my heart and…a-and my body…to a fellow member of Team Adventure. I suppose I'd be pleased to go to the dance with any teammate. But only a partner or teammate or partner of mine."
The trap was set. Dove was hidden from view, so only Jaune met Pyrrha's very specific criteria for date material. To protect his partner from…Russel's lust?…Jaune would have to step in and ask her to go with him instead. It was silly, but he just wasn't the type to leave a maiden in peril.
"Oh, the dance!" exclaimed Ruby. "I completely forgot to ask someone! Hey, Jaune, wanna go with me?"
"Sure." Jaune nodded without even looking her way.
Several miles overhead, a bullhead suddenly imploded when its metal fuselage was violently crushed by an invisible force, killing everyone on board. Of course, Pyrrha would know nothing about that.
Pyrrha looked at Russel, but his mind was clearly broken from overloading Rubiness.
"…but…Hedgehog…Operation…my script…"
Never in her wildest dreams did Pyrrha imagine this going so poorly. The whole thing had backfired – Jaune was going with Ruby to the dance, and he believed Pyrrha and Russel to be a couple. The plan to get them together had only pushed them further apart. It would take a miracle to turn this around.
Or, as it turned out, the self-sacrifice of precisely one Dove Bronzewanker. Bronzewing. Sorry.
The golden haired boy came running out from his hiding spot and made a beeline for their lunch table. When he spoke, it lacked the formality that he normally emphasized.
"It's not– we– Rose, I love you!"
"Really, Dove?"
"Yes. I've fallen madly in love with you, R…R…R…Ruby. Please accompany me to the dance as my…main…squeeze."
"Neat!"
"Apologies for appropriating your significant other, Arc. My raw romantic and/or sexual feelings for Ro– Ruby were simply too vigorous to contain."
"No worries, Dove."
"Perhaps you can accompany Nikos."
"I would, but Russel–"
"–will go with me!" Weiss announced loudly. Yang looked at her like she was crazy. Weiss tried to subtly nod towards Pyrrha, but Yang didn't get the message. Weiss nodded towards Pyrrha again, this time more pronouncedly. Yang looked at Pyrrha, then back to Weiss, still confused. Pyrrha didn't want to believe the stereotypes about blondes and ditziness, but between her and Jaune…
"Excellent. Arc shall go with Nikos, Thrush with Schnee, and myself with…my baby."
"Awwww, my lovey-dovey!"
Pyrrha had never been more appreciative of a teammate than she was with Dove now. Hmm, Dove Nikos-Arc. Good for a boy or a girl. Or should it be Dove Arkos?
Penny did not require nutrients. Her power source was a state-of-the-art Atlesian perovskite based battery that she regularly charged on a nightly interval while Friend Weiss slept. Alternatively, she could deploy a solar panel for energy during the day. In a pinch, commercially purchased Renergizer and Noracell batteries were compatible with her system.
That is not to say she was unable to consume food; her father had designed her with a fully developed digestive system that could break down key carbohydrates and lipids for energy. She lacked mitochondria, the powerhouse of the cell, but her own system still converted foodstuffs at roughly 25% efficiency of the human body. She did not need to eat, but Father informed her that friends often bonded over communal meals. A recent case in point was her victory in the food fight. However, after Penny fashioned a garrote out of spaghetti and tried to finish off Friend Blake the day after, Friend Yang had informed her that lunchtime was typically peaceful and only sometimes supposed to be a battle royale.
Today, she was to feast on a rare Valean commodity – cafeteria food. The attendant seemed to be impressed by the assortment of delicacies Penny had chosen, for the woman could not take her eyes off of the tray. She accepted Penny's lunch lien without breaking her gaze.
"Thank you, garçon."
A brief visual scan of the cafeteria identified eleven confirmed friends. Penny approached the epicenter of friends, Friend Teams Rainbow and Adventure.
"Salutations, Friends Weiss, Yang, Blake–"
"Penny, I've told you. You don't need to say hi to everyone individually."
"But I wish to cement my personal relationship with each and every member of your teams!"
Father did tell me to play nice with other kids, though…
"Very well. I shall concede to the dominant culture. Salutations, Friends Weiss through Cardin."
Penny took her seat between Friends Weiss and Yang. On her lunch tray were a wide selection of main dishes, sides, sauces, and beverages. Penny started her meal with a classic appetizer – celery dipped in diet cherry cola.
"What was all the commotion about just now?"
"We were just deciding who we'd go to the Beacon ball with," answered Yang. "Do you have anyone you'd like to spend a romantic moment with on the dance floor, Penny? A secret Atlesian beau, perhaps?"
"Friend Yang, my bow is prominently displayed atop my head. How could it be a secret?"
"N-No, I meant a boyfriend."
"I have several boy friends. Among them are: a) Jaune Arc, b) Peter Port, c) my father –"
"No, boyfriend isn't just a friend who is a boy. We mean a boy you like romantically."
"Or perhaps it's a girl you're interested in romantically," Friend Weiss offered.
Penny downed her glass of honey mustard. "I see. A boyfriend is a boy or girl I like romantically. I shall endeavor to obtain one. Friend Weiss, would you please be my boyfriend?"
"Um, I'm going to the dance with Russel, so…"
"I see. Friend Russel, would you please be my boyfriend?"
"How…she just said that we were…"
"Friend Blake, would–"
"Penny, your boyfriend or girlfriend or whoever you take to the ball should be someone you, you know, like," Pyrrha interjected.
"Buh ah doo," Penny mumbled, her mouth full of a hearty serving of meatloaf and blueberries. She swallowed. "I like all of you, Friends."
"No, we mean, like, someone you like-like," clarified Friend Russel.
"Like-like?"
Friend Russel nodded. "Yeah, you know, like, 'like-like.' And the like."
"Like-like-like? This boyfriend business is more confusing than I though."
Unexpectedly, an unpeeled banana landed in her cream cheese and shrimp sandwich. Or perhaps it was completely expected; Penny had yet to understand all Valean lunchtime traditions.
"Sun's out guns out!"
A monkey Faunus backflipped into an open seat beside Friend Ruby. Penny caught just a glimpse of his legs before they were hidden under the table. Were his trousers unzipped?
"How're the Vale detail holding up?"
"Hey, Sun," said Friend Ruby.
"Ruby. Yang. Blake. Weiss." He individually nodded to each of them. Penny's gaze drifted as she accessed the Vacuoan student database to identify him.
"Um, Sun," Friend Weiss said awkwardly. "I'm not sure if I did, but I may have unintentionally been offensive to you when last we met. If so, I want you to understand that I was misinformed about the Faunus. I wish to apologize for anything I may have said in ignorance."
"Nah, it's all good. You didn't say anything racist. 'Sides, I actually owe you one for bailing me outta trouble with the boat popo. So, anyways who's this red-haired beauty?"
"That's Pyrrha. She's a member of Team Adventure."
"Nah, I know the Invincible Girl." Penny heard Pyrrha groan. "I meant Miss Thousand Yard Stare."
Penny finished reviewing Sun Wukong's records and terminated her connection to the CCT network. She stood to greet her new Friend. "Salutations, Friend Sun Wukong. My name is…"
The robotic girl trailed off as she saw a blue haired boy standing behind the Faunus. He wore a red sports jacket, and his head was adorned by a pair of goggles that Penny might have called snazzy.
Penny had seen him in the Mistrilian database. She knew what she had to do.
Ten swords floated out from behind her and formed a ring in front of her. A green glow came to life as the swords spun in a circle.
"Salutations, Neptune Vasilias. I am combat ready!"
The laser hit its mark, and Neptune was instantly vaporized. All that remained was a charred pile of ash with a faint column of smoke rising away from it.
A thunderous wave of applause rippled throughout the hall.
"Miss Polendina."
Penny turned around to see Headmaster Ozpin standing behind her with an entourage of people alongside him.
"On this day, your courage and valor have done Beacon and Vale a great service. You have the spirit of a true huntress. I applaud and congratulate you from the bottom of my heart, Miss Polendina." He bowed. "I am in your debt."
"I appreciate your kind words, Headmaster!"
"And I'm not the only one who has something to say."
General Ironwood stepped forward first, pinning a badge to Penny's shirt. "Penny, I'm pleased to bestow upon you the Atlesian Distinguished Service Cross, Atlas' highest military commendation. I'm sure your father would be proud if he were here, Penny. It's an honor to fight alongside you." He raised his arm in a stiff salute, which Penny returned.
"Thank you, General."
A white haired man spoke up. "Young lady, do you know who I am?"
"You are Jacques Schnee, CEO of the Schnee Dust Company."
"Beautiful, powerful, and intelligent – your wondrousness knows no end. Miss, I've worked with the best of the best, hired the finest hunters in the land, but I've never been amazed as I was just now by the sheer strength of character you displayed." A single tear rolled down his cheek. "I was stopping by in Vale to discuss business with the General, but I now see that fate brought me here for a far greater reason. I'd like to offer my son Whitley's hand in marriage, and with it, the title of heiress to the SDC."
"Yippee! My first boyfriend!"
"Ahem."
The noise died down as Sun walked up to Penny. Several nearby students reached for the weapons, ready to defend their hero should Sun attempt retaliation for his partner.
"Penny, for the past year, I've had to wake up every morning and feel nothing but pure, unadulterated fear. Fear that I would never escape the torment that was living alongside Neptune. Each day was a constant struggle to not be consumed by the dread."
He got down on one knee. "You've saved me – nay, you've freed me from the yoke of tyranny. Please, I beg of you, allow me to escort you to the Beacon ball."
"Yippee! My first harem!"
Omake
Penny: I have several boy friends. Among them are: a) Jaune Arc –
Friend Pyrrha: Say sike right now, or we're skipping to the end of Season 3, robo-slut.
Omake 2
Friend Weiss: Wait, Penny, how do you know what a harem is if you only learned what a boyfriend was today?
Penny: Simple, Friend Weiss. I read about it in one of Friend Blake's semi-erotic fiction books.
Friend Weiss: Blake, you corrupted Penny!
Penny: Inaccurate. I ran a virus scan at 1100 hours and detected zero corrupted files.
Next Chapter: Malice – In which Russel chooses to be the bigger man, Team Castle makes and breaks new friends, and Ruby loses her short-lived street cred.
Author's Notes
The Empty Seat conceptually began as an Ironwood redemption arc that began in season 7 and was a fix-it. Then, I changed it to start in Season 1 and started working from there instead, hoping that I could write up backstory for all the characters to make it more meaningful when stuff happened. Over time, I added more and more ideas until the original premise was gone, and Ironwood was neither the main focus or even in a redemption arc.
This chapter, though, was with me from the beginning and is easily my favorite chapter in the entire hundred (though Ch. 31 will be stiff competition).
By the way, everything south of the Pyrrha POV (and also the destroyed airship) is basically a non-canon omake. Penny and Pyrrha's numerous crimes are jokes and won't be mentioned again. Neither will Neptune.
Neptune will not be reappearing in this fic. At all.
NOTHING. NEPTUNE. EVER. HAPPENED. EVERRRRRRRR.