Chapter 31: Russel Sprouts

In which those rascals on Team Adventure -hic- play a little game.

Bronzewing loved Thrush. Thrush was a good guy. And Nikos too, she was a good guy. The both of them were some really good guys.

That Arc fellow, though…him?

He was also a good guy.

Bronzewing loved his good guys. He placed the bottle at his lips and tilted his head back.

"You's up, Pyr," said Thrussel. No wait, it was Rush who said that. Who was Thrussel again?

"I choooooose…hic…Jaune."

"Let's get this over with."

Pyrrha wobbled as she inspected Jaune. "Hmmm. Huummm. Hummity humington hummers."

Huh. Arc's bottle was full. Thrush' bottle was nearly empty, and Nikos was on her third. Wait, had Arc found some kind of infinitely refilling bottle? Lucky bastard! Or maybe wassat his superpower…?

"Ey, 'Neeks! Ask that man wha's his semblance. Ask him that, buddy," Bronzewing slurred.

"Shut it, Dove, m'thinking. Oh! I got it. Jaune, wha's your resemblance? I mean, your slimdance. Your…"

"Semblance?" Arc offered.

Nikos pointed an unsteady finger at Arc. "Exactly!"

"Ugh. Russel, where did you even get this stuff?" asked Arc, looking at his unopened bottle.

Wait, Thrush was gone. Oh Dust, where was he? Wait…

Bronzewing threw his arms into the air. "Guys, the Grimm got my pardner!"

"Nooo, not Wrestle!" Nikos broke into tears. "He was just a boooooy!"

"Dove, Pyrrha, we've been over this. He's hiding inside his beer with his semblance."

"Don't change the subject, ya sneaky fucker! Your sembrella, John – tell us, right now."

"Fine. I can transfer my aura to others and increase its effects. They heal faster, and it boosts their semblances. That's probably how I extended the range of Dove's air wave sensing during initiation."

"No shit? Let me tell ya, mine's polar bearity. Now, the way it works is this: I can move robots with my heart." Nikos slapped herself smack dab on the tit.

Arc smiled. "Yes, Pyrrha."

"Howdja find out?"

"Well, a…friend of mine and I were sparring in the dark. His semblance is enhanced senses, you know, vision and hearing, so he had the edge. I used a bright light to temporarily blind him. He told me afterwards that about his semblance, but he said that his super sight seemed even more super than usual when I blinded him. We tested it out a bit, and it turns out I was subconsciously enhancing his semblance with my own."

"Jaune, are you saying you cheated on me?"

"What? Pyrrha, no, I'd never–"

"How could you? And with my very own mother!"

"I think that's enough." Arc gently slid the bottle out of Nikos' hand. In responsed, she levitated a fresh one by its metal cap toward her from the cooler. Arc sighed defeatedly.

Thrush splashed out of his bottle into a puddle of mohawks and alcohol. "Well said, Juan. Hear hear. Now, you getta ask a question to anyone but Pyrrha. Heh. Anyone butt Pyrrha. Pyrrha's butt. Heh-heh."

Nikos threw her new bottle at Thrush, killing him. "Stoppit, Russ. I'm saving my butt for Jaune." She crawled forward on all fours and collapsed into a hug around Arc. She tried to smile seductively, but it looked like she was having a stroke. "He's my Jauney pie."

"Um, uh – Dove! How did you and Russel meet?"

Who's Dove? thought Bronzewing. He sounds super cool.

"I can't tell you how this Dove guy of yours met Thrush, but how 'bout I regale you with the story of how I met Thrush instead?"

"Sure."

"Now, it all started when our great great…great…great great great…great…great grandmothers moved into neighboring farms in Mistral. Man, those gals were great. Ever since then, the two houses supported each other, ya know, cup o' sugar for the next door neighbors kinda thing. When Lyall Bronzewing needed an ox to plow his fields after his one died, Cam Thrush loaned him one. Hyperia Bronzewing sang at the wedding of Corrine and Dale Thrush. I think there was even one time when a Bronzewing married a Thrush, but they didn't have no kids or nothing. Other than that, the family lines were woven together but never joined."

"Now, it all started when my grandfather and Thrush's grandfather…that is, Russel Thrush's grandfather…left their ancestral home in Mistral. They moved to a frontier village in Vale called – whatwasit? – oh, yeah, Kizzmah."

"Kizzmah?" asked Jaune.

"Kizz mah nuts!" exclaimed Thrush. He and Bronzewing high fived. Got'em!

"Now, it all started when Thrush the Russelth was born as a baby. I was five months old at the time. I remember the whole thing like it was only sixteen years and eight months ago. He wasn't born with that bright green mohawk, ya know. It was actually purple, and he dyed it. Man, that guy was a champ. Did you hear, he got a date with Schnee? Five lien says they're gonna do it."

"Cheers! I'll bro to that, drink," Thrush cried. He drank some more beer. Bronzewing and Nikos drank some as well in solidarity. Arc didn't, the cheap bastard.

"Now, it all started when I discovered my semblance. I was probably around seven at the time. I was gonna go brush my teeth, and I walked into the bathroom. My parents were in the shower, getting it on. I closed my eyes when I saw them, but I somehow could still sense their presence. Guess what it was?"

"Your semblance?"

"How'd you know? I bet you looked it up. Cheater. Anyways, it all started when I tried to forget the image of Mom and Mother poking each other's naughty parts, but I just couldn't. So I asked my good buddy Thrush to stab my eyes out with his daggers. And he did. So that's the story of how I went blind."

Bronzewing patted Thrush on the back. Thrush slumped forward and groaned before disappearing into a bottle again.

"That's not what I–"

Nikos started to cry. "Tha's so saaaad! Jaune, blind me with Cucumber Mors so I can commiserate."

"No."

"Jaaaauuune!"

"Let's get back to the game. Dove, your turn to ask a question. Anyone but me."

"Amazon. I choose you."

Pyrrha looked all three Doves dead in their eyes as they floated in a circle. "Fire away, Bronzewankers."

Jaune rolled his eyes. "I thought you were trying to keep Operation Arkos secret," he muttered.

"He's right, Doves," Pyrrha chided. "Thanks for the save, partner. We'd never be able to keep it a secret from Jaune without your help, Jaune."

"No problem."

"Excuse me. My quession, please?"

"Sorry, Dave. -hic- Go 'head."

"So, Nickels. What's the deal with you and the whole Invisible Girl thing? Whysit bother ya so much?"

"Hah! Just wasted a question, ya dumb bitch. I already told you last semester."

"No, I remember that. You didn't like being a superhero–"

"Celebrity," corrected Jaune.

"– a celery cuz you don't got no real friends. But there hasta be more, right? Like, some event that made you hate the tournament scene. Friend sold ya out to the papers, crazy stalker fan, somethin' like that."

"Well, there was this one time…"

"There! Tha's my question. Nicky, tell us about the one time."

Man, that was so long ago. Pyrrha had just won her first tournament. She had to have been, like, at least one and a half years old at the time.

"I'd just beaten the reigning Mistral Junior Combat Ages 7-12 Tournament champion. He'd been the winner forever. Real big guy, super-flexibility semblance, used two asses to fight. No, it was two axes. So, after I kicked his axe, this fat greasy guy comes up to me. He started talking about making me the mascot of his shoe brand. Mom and Dad told me not to talk to strangers, so I backed away. He kept bothering me and wouldn't leave me alone. Then, this nice lady pushed him offa me. She told the slimebag to leave me alone and opened her coat to show him the gun-staff she had on her belt. Creepo decided to make like a banana and leave, and the lady tells me she's a retired tournament fighter working with a munition company. Her name was Miss Char. We chatted for a bit and really got on well. At some point, I asked what that guy was after. Miss Char explained how the man was probably tryna to take advantage of me."

"Tring to – you cut off his dick, right? Right!?" Dove drew his sword. "Tell me where he is, I'll go right now and–"

"Not like that. Tryna take advantage of my, like, fame. She said tournament fighters often got desperate for sponsors. He probably saw me as an easy mark for a contract since I was so young. The thought of getting swindled by a shady company spooked me, so I asked her if I could work for her mummifications company. She seemed so nice, saving me and then sponsoring me."

Jaune's head sagged. "I think I might have an idea where this is going."

"Ten jabrillion years later, I was all grown up and got invited to the MJC tournament to do a demo match with another older fighter. Not a competitive fight, just showing off to the kiddies what they could perspire to be. I saw the same shoe company guy trying to poach the winner and intervened. All I did was put a hand on his shoulder. He recognized me but didn't look surprised at my interruption." Pyrrha took another drink. "I asked him what was going on, and he apologized for bothering the kid and slunk off. So, I patted the kid's back, signed my autopsy on his weapon, and wen' on my merry way. The fucker came up to me afterwards and said, "Did you get him, Miss Nikos?" You guessed it – there never was a shoe company. He and the lady would play kids like me for suckers. The man had thought Miss Char was training me up to act as the noble tournamenteer who'd swoop in and save the kid."

Dove sprawled out on the floor. "I see how that could make you hate showbitchness."

"Nah, that wasn't it. I confronted Miss Char. She tried to talk her way out of it, sayin' it wasn't illegal. So I told her she was employing children under false pretenses. Then she said that it wasn't unethical since the kids were agreeing. Then I accused her of using a con man to frighten them so they would be more agreeable to a savior figure. Then she said – oh, I can't remember it now. She was so convincing. She…She made it sound like a normal thing to do. It didn't sound like something I wasn't supposed to do."

Dove's head shot up. Jaune stared at her wide eyed.

"Pyrrha, you didn't."

"Miss Char was so nice. We were -hic- such good friends."

"Nikos…"

"I couldn't handle it. I broke down crying on my first mark. The kid was probably terrified of me." Pyrrha coughed as she drank. The alcohol spilled all over her face, mixing with the tears. "I quit the next day. No, that's not right. Quitting is kicking down your boss' door and screaming at them. I politely terminated my contract with Latan Munitions LLC and filed a complaint against them with the Mistral Business Ethics Commission. I drifted from sponsor to sponsor for a few months before finding Pumpkin Pete's. They were legitimate – I had someone double check. I had some trust issues for a while."

"Damn." Dove swayed back and forth and fifth. "I…no wonder you got so mad when I…I…" He regurgitated some beer and passed out.

Pyrrha checked his pulse and turned back to Jaune. Oh, how she'd waited to be all alone with him – just not like this.

"So that's why I hated the tournament industry. Not because of what it did to hurt me, but because of what it made me willing to do."

"Pyrrha, you were a kid, just as impressionable as the one they sent you to recruit. It wasn't your fault."

Pyrrha sniffled and f̵o̵r̵c̵e̵d̵ ̵a̵ ̵s̵m̵i̵l̵e̵ smiled brightly. "Now it's my turn to pick!"

"Maybe we should stop the game."

Hmm, Jaune or Russ? Well, right now Russel was a beer. Heehee, better be careful not to drink him!

"Nope! It's my turn. Jaune, I pick dare for you!"

"That's not– never mind. Go ahead, Pyr."

"Hmmm. I've gotcha right where I want you. I dare youhuhuhuuuuuuuuuuu–"

Jaune held Pyrrha as she wept.

The sound he heard from his bottle was somewhat muted. He could still hear just fine when he was in liquid, but drinking that much beer tended to dull his senses.

"Jaune."

"Yeah?"

"I-I-I never meant to…"

"I know. It was like you said. They took advantage of you."

Russel's consciousness drifted to the side of the bottle to have a gander at the scene. Two hours had passed on the clock since the last time Russel felt coordinated enough to check it. Dove was passed out in a pile of vomit. His face was up, and he was breathing – good, good. Jaune and Pyr were cuddling or something. He turned his consciousness in the other direction, careful not to perv on them in case they got frisky.

"I want to ask you something. N-Not for the game."

"Anything. I promise."

"We all shared our pasts except for you. I still don't know who Jaune really is, or what makes you tick. You disappear at random times. Are you a spy or something? Who are you?"

"…swear to keep it a secret?"

Weird. What would Jaune have to keep a secret? Guy had been an open book ever since he'd vomited on Xiao-Long and latched on to Dove and Russel like a limpet.

"The early parts are boring. I lived with my mom, my dad, and my seven sisters."

Damn, Russel needed to invest in the condom business. Apparently, there was a motherfuckin' untapped goldmine in Ansel. Literally – a mother fuckin' was the goldmine.

"I came to Beacon because I wanted to uphold my family legacy. The Arcs were heroes like the ones in fairy tales. Dashing knights, noble steeds, shining armor. I thought that I could, heh, honor my noble Arc lineage by becoming a huntsman. I was sheltered from the outside world and thought it was some romantic fantasy profession that just required a sword and big dreams."

"I unlocked your aura. How could you have…?"

"Pyrrha, the reason I was so unprepared for initiation, the true reason is because I didn't go to a primary combat school. My transcripts that I used to come here were forged."

Pyrrha gasped. Some bubbles floated to the top of the beer that Russel was.

"My parents objected to me becoming a hunter. They refused to train me. Without training, I failed to get into any of the combat schools I applied to. It was a no win scenario. I never had a chance. My only option was to steal my family sword and sneak off to Beacon without their approval or any qualifications."

This was some heavy shit. Russel could really go for a drink right about now.

"No qual– but you're good with a cane! You discovered your semblance in under a year. It takes most kids twice that long to get theirs. And you can strategize better than any of us – your plan saved us from the mega Grimm. It was so good you became a team leader."

"I've been getting private lessons from the headmaster. He knows about me, and he's helping get me up to speed. He was the friend who figured out my semblance. Every success I've had, every stride I've made, it was all because I had his help. Well, his and your guys'. We'd meet in the evenings when I slink away from the dorms. It used to be training. Now, it's…something else."

"Jaune, what are you saying?"

"Ozpin, the others, and I are…we…do you trust me?"

"With all of my heart. With everything."

"There's something big. Something that can change the world. A power. A machine. And you…maybe…"

"Jaune, your hand!"

A trickle of blood leaked from Jaune's palm. He dropped the bottlecap he'd been squeezing.

"Pyrrha, I can't–"

"Then don't."

"I'm so sorry! You all opened up, and–"

"Jaune, I'm not mad. Honest. What I mean is that you don't have to share more than you already have. You'll tell the team when you're ready. Team Adventure trusts its centurion."

"Thanks, Pyr. Love ya."

Pyrrha snuggled closer to Jaune and smiled the kind of smile that there need to be laws against letting children see. The blonde boy she hugged was looking away and couldn't see it, but Russel definitely could. Maybe Russel could find some bleach to dissolve into and wash the image out of his brain.

So, Jaune's wrapped up in something big involving the headmaster and powers and machines. Time for fix-it Russel to work his magic. Don't worry, buddy – I'll take care of you.

Omake

Jaune: What ever happened to your grandparents?

Dove: They died of ligma when we were babies.

Pyrrha: My condolences. No one should ever have to suffer the loss of a family member at such a young age. Know that we, as your team, shall always be family to you, and I personally vow that you may depend on me no matter the circumstances.

Russel: Ligma balls!

Next Chapter: David – Jaune takes on Goliath.

Author's Notes

It's probably obvious that I don't drink or know how alcohol alcohols people. I apologize for having them slur their speech and mumble around and then immediately having Pyrrha launch into a full on backstory.

Thanks to Wiz for pointing out that I made an error regarding chess piece values. It has been corrected (apparently Rooks are worth a lot of points).

Also, a reminder - check out K, my other fanfic. It's a riveting story about spies, Faunus, mysteries, and at least two geese (not geese Faunus, actual geese).