Jord liked to think. Yes, it does seem like he might not most of the time, because he may not think before he does something idiotic. But he does, and he does it a lot in front of a mirror. Not because of being cocky and a jackass he actually liked to look at himself, no. That wasn't the case, not at all, he hated himself, and for that, he tortured himself in front of the mirror. Making him see himself as a mistake, nothing, a bag of diseases ready to take over him any second of any day. But they didn't and that scared him, making him paranoid every day that something may happen to him or someone else.

So he sat in front of a mirror, hating, doubting, thinking... The things he has done and hopes to not do in the future. He was scared, and he hated being scared, fear is the mind-killer, but even then his mind was killing itself in a way. Para rarely helped anymore, if anything she made things worse, when he was asleep, para would take over and do things without him knowing, he almost killed his brother one time doing that. Razor, his older brother, is a better brother than he could even be or wish to be. Razor had even tried to kill himself countless times, and Jord got him to stop, and for what? For Jord to just do the same things he was before, that drove Razor to kill himself in the first place! But Jord couldn't help it, it was how he was raised, and thats how he feels like it's going to help, he was insane, that was the DEFINITION for being insane. Doing something over and over again, thinking it'll make a difference if you keep doing it over and over again.

Jord didn't know what to do. He hated himself, he had to, he felt like he deserved it for the things he's done. This might be the parasite talking.. but a theres a little voice that keeps telling him that this wasn't his fault, that you weren't raised right but what did that matter?! This was now, and not then, he was capable of changing but didn't, he hated change too, but it seemed like every day something was changing, and that was terrifying...

Jord continued to stare into the mirror, looking at his scars and wounds, and the bandages that hid his worse mistake, the bandages that holds a dark secre, a horrifying thing he doesn't want to show anymore, no, not like he used to.

He mindlessly brushed his fingers on the bandages on the side of his face.

He also liked to think that he was a sort of bolt in the middle of a system, around which spun hatred, human vice and agony. Because y, know, if he was the bolt, that meant all those terrible things around him could never actually change his purpose. They could circle around and around him without making him like this.

Maybe in his younger years this was wholly true. but over time... over time, Jord needed a little more convincing. Year by year people seemed to scrape away at his defenses; they got beneath his skin with there ceasless cruelty and there blatant disreguard for him.

How we wished how the careless humans would just cease there grip on his skin and let go of him, stop scraping away at his fragile state and leave him be.

he could practically feel para moving in beside him, but that was only a mental state of mind...

"You shouldn't say such bad things..." Para reprimaded, "You're wrong Jord, people care about you.. they love you.. your brother loves you.. you're happy here..."

It's been a long time since he's belived those words..

"Why'd you shut me up? Para crooned brokenly "Why did you lock me away? I've been with you through everything, Jord. Everyone else will abandon and hate you, but I'll always be by your side. I'm your one friend, Jord. Do you hear me, Jord? I care about you. I just want you to be happy Jord. I want to fix things. Together. With you. Come on, Jord. Lets fix things. Let's make those people stop hurting you."

But Jord didn't want to fix things like Para wanted to. People weren't always evil right? Sure people could be cruel and unforgiving sometimes, but there not that evil all the time right? Sure, the teacher might have unintentionally locked him out of school in the middle of winter, that could have been a mistake, you know too many kids to count and take care of ya know? And that one time his mom put pills in his cereal box, because not to hurt him, she just wasn't thinking straight. and the school wasn't supposed to be locked, he was just late because his dad was...

Jord shuddered, he didn't want to think about it anymore.

Delusions can only make you sane for so long. By nature, if you convince yourself of a different reality just to keep yourself sane.. well, the very process of convincing yourself makes you insane. You live in a realm totally different than the one everyone else functions in. In that situation, how can you ever be sane?