Teddy Says Later

by CaelynAilene

Venkat asks Teddy for satellite time, Teddy doesn't say no he just says not now. How are things back on Earth and Hermes as they believe Mark is dead. What will happen when they finally do get the pictures and discover Mark is alive? And how does Mark handle being all alone with no human contact for over a year? And what will his newly returned crew have to say about the situation?

11. Chapter 11

Log entry Sol 95

WOOOOO! I'm back in the Hab! The first thing I did when I stepped through the airlock was toss my helmet up in the air. Don't worry I caught it, then set it aside, and did a happy dance. Then I got out of my EVA suit and spun in a circle with my arms out. I can't run around too much as most of the floor is my farm. Speaking of, my plants are doing wonderfully.

I should have potatoes to harvest any day now, if not already, but I'm not digging them up to check just yet. First things first, I need to run diagnostics on all of the Hab systems, gotta make sure everything is working the way it's supposed to, and determine if anything needs to be fixed or cleaned or whatever.

Log entry Sol 96

Ok, everything in the Hab is running to spec, for now. I'm sure it will start to go downhill with time. It was only designed for a thirty-day mission after all, but for now, it's all good. I know that for sure because I ran all of the diagnostics twice just to be sure. I also went out and unloaded Pathfinder. I used the MAV strut ramp to slide it down and set it up in front of the Hab. Tomorrow I'll work on it.

Log entry Sol 97

I was able to clean up the solar panels and replace the batteries, hooray for NASA standardization. I think it should work but I can't tell unless I can find a way to get it to broadcast a message to the Hab or the rover and use one of those computers. I need it to communicate with Earth though so I'm not messing with it.

Log entry Sol 98

Checked Pathfinder three times today. Nothing. The high-gain antenna has not moved at all, so it's not receiving a signal from Earth. I didn't expect anything yet but still hoped. It could take a bit for NASA and JPL to get their stuff together and be able to send a message in this direction. If they're watching me at all that is, and I have no way of knowing if they are.

Log entry Sol 99

Still nothing from Pathfinder. I double-checked all my work to make connections and checked to be sure the battery was holding a charge. It should work, then again, no one is listening for a rover that's been dead for decades so it may just take a while for anyone to notice. I wonder if SETI would pick it up or Hermes?

Log entry Sol 99 (2)

Does NASA even keep track of old dead rovers at all? I mean with all those satellites up there do they ever use imagery on their locations? I know they count those sites as explored that's why none of them have been considered for Ares landing sites yet but that's incredibly shortsighted. Apollo 12 went to the Ocean of Storms, within walking distance of Surveyor 3. They went and retrieved parts of it for study. Why the hell aren't we doing that with the dead rovers like Pathfinder? Wouldn't it be worth it to take pieces of the old probes and rovers back to see how years on Mars affected them?

I suppose I should be grateful we don't or it might not have been around for me to use, for all the good it's doing me. Of course, if we'd landed closer, I could have gotten it without that damned trip. Every time I think of it and think forward to going to Schiaparelli, my back starts aching and I start feeling cramped. That journey is years away and I'm already dreading it. I really should go ahead and start planning it but I just can't seem to bring myself to do it.

Log entry Sol 100

Made it to a nice round number of Sols here on Mars and to celebrate I tried walking around the Hab naked for the first time. It wasn't nearly as relaxing as I thought it might be. It's not like walking around my apartment sans clothes. I felt watched the whole time, and no not because of the cameras for logs, it had to be the potatoes. They have eyes you know… yeah ok, that was bad but I couldn't resist and there's no one here to try out my crappy jokes and puns on as they come to me. It wasn't comfortable though, yes I did try walking around naked for a while. That part wasn't a joke. I thought if I started doing that I could save the clothes from wearing out so quickly. I did feel watched too and I can't explain it. I may keep trying it or just try sleeping naked. I never did at home. I always slept in boxers. It's plenty warm in here with the temp up for the plants. I guess I could just walk around in my boxers but I don't want to wear them out either. Yes, I have Beck, Martinez, and Vogel's underwear but wearing another man's underwear even if he never got a chance to wear it himself is just… yeah no, not until I'm desperate. Not even sure they all wear boxers and I'm not looking right now. Plus, while we're all fit, kinda have to, to be an astronaut. I'm pretty sure Martinez is a larger size than I am, and Vogel is smaller. The smaller would be tough, the bigger, well we do have sewing thread and a needle… I will lose weight, already have lost some, that's just what happens when you cut your calorie intake and are still fairly active. So, Vogel's undies might just come in handy yet.

Log entry Sol 101

I decided it's finally time to use airlock one again. I have to stop being paranoid. I need to start using the three doors to the outside evenly. I've already put more wear and tear on two and three than they would have taken in an entire mission. Time to spread it out. Here I go, have to check on Pathfinder anyway. I'll probably be holding my breath the whole time I'm in there. I might have to cross my legs since I can't cross my fingers in my EVA suit.

Log entry Sol 101 (2)

Yeah, it was fine. I've been an utter baby about it for months and all for nothing. I've never been superstitious before and I have no idea why I'm suddenly feeling that way now. Nothing with Pathfinder either by the way. I should probably stop checking it so frequently. I can limit checking it to when I have to go out to clean off the solar panels.

Log entry Sol 103

Checked on Pathfinder again even though I said I wasn't going to unless I needed to clean off the solar panels. Today I didn't need to, but I checked anyway, and still nothing. How long do I leave it this way? How long can I stand to go outside and see it doing nothing? I could put it back on the rover and take it out and bury it next to the RTG. It would be less painful than seeing it when I go out, though I've been avoiding going outside. Probably better to save the CO2 filters anyway. I don't want to give up hope yet, but when should I? Then again, I could leave it and just count it as a retro-modern art installation. We're pretty fancy here at Acidalia Planitia, sculpture in the front yard and all. It's a monument to hope and failure and giving up. Awww hell, I don't know. I just know I don't want to move the damned thing again. I know I could use MAV struts to make a ramp to get it back on the roof of the rover, but for the same reason, I haven't done anything to cover the Hab in dirt or surround it in Mars rocks/bricks. Pathfinder still sits there, mocking me. Still, that's not enough incentive when compared to my back pain. I have to figure out a way to get the dirt on top of the Hab or dig 'bricks' to make kind of an igloo around it for protection. It's not an igloo obviously, because they're not built from the outside, but something similar. Of course, I don't know how safe it would be to try and build with blocks over the Hab. I could just try and throw dirt up there.

How would I even do that? Well, I could fill a box with dirt, use the MAV strut ramp to get it to the top of the rover, then climb on the rover, park as close as I can safely get it to the Hab, then shovel it up on the top from there.

I'm honestly worried, though I try to not think about it. The Hab was never meant to be lived in for as long as I'm going to, and, there's no guarantee that the radiation protection will last the entire time. There's no guarantee the Hab itself will last that long. I could use spare Hab Canvas and the pop tents to make a bigger tent. Maybe dig down underground and make a cave. Living in caves was one of the first thoughts for living on Mars. I think it might still be in the possible colony plans. If you get a big enough cave and can seal off all the exits with airlocks, then an atmosphere could be created inside, and it would be a much larger space to live in than our current Hab or even a cluster of Habs connected by tunnels.

No, not creating a cave, that's too much work. I could move to one of the previous two Ares sites. They left their Habs and supplies. Though I have no idea if either of them is still standing, and they've been here way longer so they're probably not any safer anyway. It still might be worth it to get supplies though, especially any leftover rations. I can use all the protein I can get. I'd have to do some major work on the rovers to make that work though. The MAV is already at Schiaparelli. There might be supplies there too. I need to see if I can find the schedule for when our supplies landed, to give me an idea of when theirs will land. I could go there early and have the Hab set up and waiting for them when they land. No way NASA would miss that on the satellites. I'd have to get to work on the rover changes soon though. Guess I can at least start looking at how I might do that. I can also calculate the distance to each of those two sites and how long it would take to get there.

If I went to the other sites it might be possible to collapse their Habs and bring the canvas back here. Maybe I could stretch it over top of my own Hab, increasing the radiation protection that way. We all worked together to set up the Hab though. It's designed to be done by two people, but the other two Ares missions told us it was easier with more people, so I'm not sure how easy it would be to essentially do it by myself.

Log entry Sol 104

I mentioned my back pain yesterday. It's been eight sols since I got back from my trip to Ares Vallis and my back is still killing me. I'm taking it easy as much as possible, lots of laying around and gentle stretching, but it's slow to heal. I have taken Vicodin twice now but I'm trying to avoid taking it too much. The last thing I need is to become dependent on painkillers and use them all up. I'm sure going through detox all alone on a deserted planet is a really bad idea. I tried taking Tylenol and it barely took the edge off so it's not worth taking it either. Yeah, I'm going back to bed again.

Log entry Sol 107

I have potatoes. First-round I'm keeping and not using it for seeding. They grew like crazy. Now I'm planting again. I plan to keep the plants growing until they can't grow anymore and then plant new ones. I'll be keeping one of each harvest just to see if there are any changes generationally. Might as well do some science, to make my time here worth something.

Log entry 119

Lonely today, just so lonely. I spent most of the morning talking to myself, then stopping and getting uncomfortable because that's bad right? Damn, I need another human being around.

Log entry 119 (2)

Wish I hadn't written that. There has to be a way to delete logs, unfortunately, I have no idea how. Guess I can go looking through Johanssens's files. If anyone would know how she would. Then again, I should probably leave it. Someday someone will find this and it will be an excellent character study into isolation. Besides, of course, I'm lonely; I'm alone. It's not like anyone would expect any different, at least not for me. None of our crew are the loner type, can't be and be part of a crew. Yes, you have to be able to be self-sufficient and be able to function on your own, but you also have to be able to function in a group. I'm the most social of the crew. Lewis has the most loner tendencies but that's because she's the commander and I think she feels the need to stay a step or two back from us. It was probably something she was taught in naval officer training.

Still, that means that like nearly any other human stuck on a planet by themselves millions of miles from home, I'm lonely and talking to myself. It's pretty normal for the situation. I'm Tom Hanks in Cast Away, without a way to build my own ship to escape. Though I will have to essentially rebuild at least one of the rovers to make it to the Ares IV MAV, so maybe that counts as the same thing. I probably should start thinking about how I'm going to do that. I know I have years left before I have to do it but planning alone will take a while. I may be a mechanical engineer but I'm not a master of all of these systems, even having been here as long as I have. I keep thinking I need to start planning and I keep putting it off.

Ok, the first thing I should do is pull up the schematic for the rovers and all of the life support systems in it and the Hab, and try to calculate just what I'll need for the trip. I don't have to even work on it each day.

Of course, this would all be easier if NASA would pull their heads out of their asses and listen for the signal from Pathfinder. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know they think it's dead. It died decades ago, but I hoped maybe SETI would pick up a blip from it, and it was just a pipe dream to think that Hermes might catch the signal.

Maybe my idea from a few weeks ago about going to Schiaparelli early isn't such a bad one. That would still mean adapting the rover though so even if I did I'm not nearly ready. And of course, I don't know if I could get their Hab assembled alone if it's there. I could live in their MAV if I can activate it and I might be able to contact Mars. Of course, I also don't know if the MAV can communicate with Earth without Hermes or the comms array, and can I set up the comms array and have it functional without the Hab computers? Still, it could be safer to live in their MAV and if I went, I could run guy wires to make sure it doesn't tip just in case we get another freak windstorm.

I'm spinning in circles here. Ok, I'm done thinking about this for now. Time to go check on my farm.

Log entry Sol 123

So Wilson has been stuck in my head now for days. You know Wilson. Sure you do. Tom's buddy in Cast Away? See, I knew you knew. Anyway, it just reinforced the fact that I have no one to talk to but myself and my plants, and these logs don't count. I've been tossing an idea around since I thought of Wilson. Unfortunately, I don't have a volleyball or a ball of any variety. Sojourner is dead, but I think I can try and rebuild it or maybe use parts from it and other stuff from the Hab to create a new little rover. It would be a good way to keep my mind occupied and challenged. Not sure I want to take that task on just yet though. In the meantime, I'm going back to thinking.

Log entry Sol 123 (2)

I'm going to do it, not Sojourner, but my other idea. I'm going to do it right now.

Log entry Sol 123 (3)

So while there are no birds or even bugs here on Mars I made a scarecrow. I used Johanssen's clothes. They're never going to fit me. Even if I lose enough weight for them to fit me around the waist, and yeah that's possible if my plants don't keep growing, she's still several inches shorter than I am, so the sleeves aren't nearly long enough and I'm not really into wearing flood pants or capris even if no one else will see me. Even the sweatpants for her are tiny and not sure they'd stretch far enough to fit me, then again Lewis's wouldn't either but at least they'd be long enough. So I'm holding on to Lewis's because if I lose more weight on my potato, vitamin, and green bean diet, and I will, then I'll have clothes that fit.

Anyway, I'm not going to ever wear Johannsen's clothes, unless I lose a ton of weight which I probably will, and turn them into shorts, which isn't a bad idea but not something I need to worry about right now so back to my original statement. I'm not going to wear her clothes but they make the perfect scarecrow. I used some of her other clothes to fill out the body and limbs. I added shoes she left behind, and a set of lab gloves filled with plain Mars dirt for hands, then I got stuck on what to use for a head. Don't want to waste an EVA helmet. I could always take it off and reuse it but it just doesn't seem right with the rest, and I'm not wasting an EVA suit on a scarecrow, even if it's Beth-sized. Yeah I know I said they come in two sizes, so it's not truly tiny and I could probably squeeze into it, so yeah, I'm not wasting an EVA suit. Anyway, I also considered blowing up a lab glove and drawing on it with a Sharpie. Even tried it out but it wasn't quite right. If we had any other color sharpie than black I might still have done it because I could have given my scarecrow a kick-ass mohawk. All we have is black though and that's boring, so no lab glove head.

Gotta be honest, I was also a little worried about what it would do to me if I accidentally popped the head. I have enough mental issues already and I don't need to add to them.

We have needle and thread here just in case clothes tore, or a button popped off. So I took one last shirt and cut it and sewed it to make a somewhat lopsided head. I did use the Sharpie to draw on a face, two faces actually, so I can turn it around or talk to it from different sides. I totally one-upped Hanks and Wilson, didn't have to use blood to make the face and it's a whole person, and it has two faces: happy and well, not sad, and not mad, just kinda neutral. In your face Tom Hanks!

Oh geez, I really am losing it. Except, I stopped at one scarecrow when I could have gone full Will Smith in I Am Legend and have a "mannequin" in every room of the Hab. I thought about it, but I need to spare the clothes, and it's also totally crazy. I don't think I've reached that level of crazy yet. I'm doing all I can to avoid reaching that level of crazy. If I reach that level of crazy all alone here with no possibility of someone happening by, and the likelihood of NASA or JPL or even SETI picking up a ping from Pathfinder shrinking by the day. I wonder if I'll ever be able to get back to sanity again. Then I start worrying about what will happen if I go crazy here. Will I be able to keep myself alive? Will I make it to Schiaparelli? Will I get utterly lost and die in some unknown region and freak out the world when that area is finally surveyed as a landing site? Yeah better to think about my scarecrow and other ways to stay sane.

Scarecrow still needs a name… might take a few days since there's no obvious answer. Man, Tom Hanks had it easy with his imaginary friend.

Log entry Sol 123 (4)

Just had to make this entry for the number. And if you thought I'd resist the urge to be that dumb, you don't know me at all, which, if you've been reading all of these, seems utterly impossible. Are you even paying attention? Maybe you need to reread like you know, everything I've written. I mean what's the point in writing these if no one is going to read them or if those that read them don't pay attention when they do? This may be just a stupid entry but some of this stuff could save someone's life if they get stranded or better yet, maybe some of it will keep someone else from being stranded.

Log Entry Sol 125

I shaved my head today. I'm out of shampoo. I probably shouldn't be but I am so I shaved my head. Fortunately, we brought electric razors with us and as long as mine holds a charge and I keep it clean I should be able to keep using it. It's just easier to wash my head off with water and a quick soap wipe. I'll just shave my head once a week when I shave my face. Thankfully, my beard grows in slowly. It's a shock to look in the mirror now but I'll get used to it eventually. I could have just let my hair grow along with my beard, but it would get gross and I'd look even crazier when Ares IV gets here, like some reclusive mountain man, and yeah there are mountains here, but I'm not close to any of them and I'm certainly not climbing them.

It was really weird to put on my snoopy cap for the first time without any hair between it and my head. I don't even really need to wear it in my EVA suit. The main reason to wear it is for communication purposes but I don't have anyone to communicate with. I can use it to record audio logs but I don't do that either, guess I could though, probably should when I go out and retrieve samples.

Log entry Sol 126

Another damned sandstorm last night. None of them since I was left here have been that bad, but I get nervous every damned time anyway. Now I need to suit up and check the solar cells. I wish there were a way to keep them clean without my having to go out. Not that I don't enjoy getting out of the Hab once in a while, but I don't. At least I don't enjoy having to suit up to do it. Every time I go out, I miss the freedom of Earth more and more. I miss having the option to just step out the door in whatever I happen to be wearing at the time. The idea of going out to the curb to get the morning paper. Yes, I still get the morning paper, well I did. But the idea of doing that in just my bathrobe. I try to avoid thinking about that but it's hard. Ok, time to stop moaning and make sure I have enough energy to run the life support and keep my farm growing. When I come back in, maybe I'll work on creating a system to clean off the solar cells without going outside. I can already think of a few options.

Log entry Sol 126 (2)

I may not need to do a ton of digging to cover the Hab. This most recent storm left a good dusting of dirt on the dome. If that continues then I'm good. I'll let Mars do the work to save me from cancer. It would be nice if for once this planet is helping instead of trying to kill me. I'll have to keep checking after each sandstorm just to be safe. If I had more Hab canvas, I'd make a second layer over the Hab and fill the in-between with sand and dirt, but I don't have nearly enough.

If it weren't so crazy, I'd go ahead and go to one of the other two Habs here, collapse the one I go to, and bring it back and put it over this one. I can use all the shielding I can get from cosmic rays and solar radiation. I've said that before, haven't I? Guess I could read back through the logs to see but I just don't want to. I don't need proof of my repeating myself, I'm sure that's just another sign of going nutso from isolation.

What I will do is jot down my ideas for self-cleaning or easy-cleaning solar panels. That way, even if I can't make them, maybe someone will get these logs and they'll be useful for future missions or colonies.

So my first idea was some sort of windshield wiper type thing on each solar panel that you can flip a switch in the Hab and they'd wipe back and forth to clear the dirt. That's a lot of moving parts though and the more moving parts the more things can go wrong. It might work with a smaller number of cells or if they were larger cells with a single bar that wipes down and then goes back up.

My second idea was to motorize the scaffolding for the panels. They already are set up so they can tilt and change their angle as needed. If I could motorize them to move at a switch or a program from the computer, I could have them go vertical to slide the dirt off and then return to the appropriate angle. The program could even be set so that it analyzes the amount of sun and shifts them automatically to the best angle to get the most sun all day long. The panels could follow the sun. The question is: would moving them use up the extra energy they would gain, or would moving cost more energy than they would gain? That's math for another day though.

Log entry Sol 127

I still have no idea of a name for my scarecrow and to be honest, I'm starting to be creeped out coming around the corner from the bathroom or coming out of my bunk, and he's there. I know he's there. I mean obviously, I know he's there. I built him and put him where he is and it still makes me jump when I see him out of the corner of my eye because no one is supposed to be here. I'd finally adjusted to being alone more than I realize so no instead of being comforting it's making me crazier. Tom Hanks lied to me!

Ok, not really, Chuck seemed pretty crazy there toward the end of the movie even with Wilson to talk to. And Will Smith's Robert Neville wasn't exactly sane either and he had his dog to talk to and the dog would respond in a dog sort of way. Long-term isolation is bad enough but long-term isolation in a place with multiple ways to die a horrible death is worse. Surprisingly Hollywood has done a pretty decent job showing that. Too bad I can't tell anyone that other than the stupid computer.

Log entry Sol 128

My scarecrow has a name now: Chuck Bob. It's stupid, I know, but I don't care and he needs a name. I thought about Chucky but decided I didn't want to risk it coming to life and trying to kill me in the middle of the night. Not that we have a lot of sharp instruments just lying around the Hab (side note, we have a surprising number of sharp instruments just lying around the Hab). There are also absolutely no blunt instruments here either… yeah it's no wonder NASA makes us all pass such strenuous psych tests to qualify to fly for them. A homicidal maniac could do some real damage with what we use on a day-to-day basis just for work. Wonder just how much all those people applying to be part of the first colony on Mars have thought about that. Wonder how much the planners have thought about that. And it's probably a good thing Dr. Shields can't access these logs right now or I'd be locked up somewhere with really nice soft walls. Hey, that might be a nice change of pace, at least I'd have someone to talk to and stymying psychologists can be a lot of fun. Seriously, while they're trying to get a read on you, messing with them is hysterical. Just enough to not get in trouble is the goal and that's a fine line to walk. I've gotten pretty good at it though. Martinez wasn't bad, but not as good as I am.

So anyway Chuck Bob it is.

Log entry Sol 131

Ok, so I said goodbye to the scarecrow today. It's just too weird. I did try talking to him but he's no Wilson. Then again, I probably wouldn't talk to Wilson either. It's not necessary when I can record my log entries anyway, even though I haven't been doing that. Maybe I should if for no other reason than to hear my voice. I'm afraid if I stop talking I won't be able to start again. No kidding, I'm honestly worried if I stop talking my vocal cords will deteriorate like any muscle does over time when not being used. I broke my arm when I was 14. Fell off my bike racing friends down the hill. I put my arm out to stop my fall as almost everyone would do, just instinct, you know. Anyway, I broke it and when it came out of the cast the muscles were weaker and I had to build them back up again, and that was only six weeks. Years of not talking? Seriously, would I completely lose the ability to talk? That's not in any of Beck's files. I looked. It was bugging me enough that I went searching through his files. Maybe it's never been researched or maybe it has and just isn't something he had in his files. Still, I'm going to keep talking to myself and my plants just in case.

That leaves me worrying that talking to myself and my plants out loud will be a habit that I won't be able to break and everyone will still think I'm nuts if I meet Ares IV at Schiaparelli. They may not care, I'll be alive after all and they probably wouldn't be shocked that four years alone would make me crazy but still. Ok, it's all dumb to worry about but I seem to worry about nearly everything these days.

I'm going to go ahead and work on Sojourner and see if I can get it working again, though it may take a near-total rebuild. Still a good way to pass the time, better than watching or rewatching seventies tv shows anyway. I still haven't been bored enough to watch the lectures Beck brought along. I know the man likes to do fun things. We've hung out and gone drinking together. He's not a total stiff, but you'd think he was from his data stick. I know he watched other things on Hermes but that was when we were all together or when he was with Martinez and me. Did we only ever use our saved shows and movies? Didn't he have fun stuff to watch? I could have sworn he did, or maybe he just picked stuff from the ship media library.

Log entry Sol 131 (2)

Was just getting ready to sack out for the night and it hit me. We all watched Apollo 13 together on the way here, thinking back may not be the best idea, but it was Beck's idea to watch. So he either brought it or requested it be added to the Hermes media library. Why then did he bring only boring stuff to the surface? Ok, now it is time to sleep.