Chapter 12

Another Option

Space

Oso wouldn't have bothered to come to this backwater system, but the particle trail he'd been following had decisively led here. The holy grail of a space-dragon hunter was to land the head of a Ka'Thaari dragon, but it had been widely believed that they'd been extinct, with reports of the last known one being killed decades ago. Rumors abounded, though, that fragments of the Ka'Thaari homeworld had made their way to a remote star system located in the Orion spiral arm of the Milky Way Galaxy (actually, he had no idea that's what they were called, but, for convenience's sake, we'll be using those names), and of the possibility that Ka'Thaari spores had survived intact on the fragment and would infect some of the local monkeys, producing a fresh specimen of prey for him.

Most didn't believe the rumors, but Oso had never been one to dismiss anything that could potentially lead to a score, and so he'd set off to the Orion sector to see if he could pick up any traces of matter of Ka'Thaari origin. After some time fruitlessly chasing wild hunches, he finally stumbled upon minute traces of dust that registered a Ka'Thaari signature. The signature had badly degraded, as if the fragment had passed through thousands of cycles ago, but there was still enough left to follow. Which was how Oso had come to locate this particular nowhere star.

He brought up his craft's information screen, linking it to the Irken Database. After a brief search, it displayed the results found for the system. Eight planets, only one inhabited. The dominant species was some kind of hairless ape of marginal intelligence. A primitive species that had barely made it to their own moon. The dragons would grow fat and torpid over such easy prey and probably make for much easier prey themselves.

Smiling in anticipation of what he would find, he began his approach…

-HELGA-

The rest of the afternoon was pretty uneventful. After ice cream, we continued to check out the boardwalk and talk about incidentals, nothing particularly personal or revealing. Oh, and I weathered a few more pathetic attempts by Summer to derail us. Nothing approaching the cleverness of the hot sauce incident from earlier. She even resorted to dropping a banana peel in my path at one point. Frankly? I was kid of disappointed. If you're going to try wrecking a date, you should at least put some real effort into it. Not this amateur hour garbage. I was even tempted to take her aside and give her a few pointers. There's nothing worse than squandered potential.

As the afternoon wore to a close, I was ready to call it. "Well, it's been a gas," I said, "but I think I've had about enough for one day."

"Actually… there's kinda something I've been meaning to ask you. There's gonna be a bonfire tonight on the beach, and I was wondering if you'd like to come?"

Ugh. No. This was supposed to be a one-and-done. I thought he'd have gotten the hint, but apparently I am just so irresistible that he can't help but try. "Look… I know we're getting along pretty well here, but I thought I made it clear that this wasn't going to be a romantic thing. It's probably best if we just end it now and don't push it any further. I'm gonna be leaving tomorrow anyway."

"Well, cool, I guess… I just thought it would be fun… there'll be hot dogs, there's some bands playing,… you can bring your friend too if you're worried about being alone."

"Mmmm… I'll think about it. You wouldn't happen to know what bands were playing, would you?"

"Not really, but I think there were some signs posted around here somewhere, why don't you check those out? Laters, dude!"

"Yeah, catch ya on the flip-flop." Oh, criminy, did I actually just say that? This beach air must be killing my brain cells.

With the afternoon not-date over, I had some thinking to do. I really, really didn't want Alex to get the idea that I was into him at all or anything, but the whole bonfire thing sounded pretty fun, and it would suck to miss out on that just because I was avoiding someone. Then again, he had suggested bringing Phoebe, so, really, it was just a bunch of friends who happened to all be at the same place.

Seemed like logical reasoning to me. But it wouldn't hurt to get an outside opinion, would it?

Tripleshrub Hotel, Hillwood

-RHONDA-

"Well… I had my doubts when I saw the giant papier-mache Brown Recluse out front… but I must say, you are doing a lot better than I thought you would," Nadine assured me.

"Well, thanks." I said.

"Now, could you please stop squeezing my hand? It's starting to do some serious damage."

"Oh. Sorry." I hadn't even realized I was squeezing it so tight. "Well, I guess that's everything…"

"We haven't even gone inside yet," Nadine reminded me. "I promise none of the spiders in there are going to be this big."

"Oh… right… yeah, I suppose inside is where we should be. I just hope I'm not dressed too casually…"

Nadine raised her eyebrow. "You're kidding, right? You look like you're going to a runway show."

"Hey, I'll have you know Tammy Hofstedder is a third-tier designer at best. If that isn't casual, I don't know what is."

"Oh, sweetheart, one of these days we're going to teach you how to dress down. Now, c'mon, I want to show my girl off."

"This is it, huh. I'm the trophy girl now."

"You knew what this was when you signed up for it, Sparks." She pulled me along into the motel's lobby, where a teen in a floral dress and matching hijab held a clipboard.

"CarapacerXY?" asked Nadine.

The girl brightened. "That's me! Though my friends call me Azra. And you are…"

"ColeopTerror… or Nadine IRL. And this is Rhonda."

"Hi," I said, holding out my hand. "I, uh, I don't have a bug name."

"Oh… so this is the infamous Rhonda," Azra said, grinning.

"That would be me," I confirmed. "Love the scarf, Btdubs."

"Oh, thanks…. I made it myself."

"Wow, really? It looks very professional."

"Oh, well, I actually sell them online."

"That's so cool. You know, I do a fashion podcast. Do you think you'd be interested in doing an episode on your work?"

"That'd be great, actually…"

"See?" Nadine said. "You were so worried about fitting in, and you've already made a friend!"

"I wasn't worried. When was I worried? I'm never worried."

"Mmm-hmm," she teased. We strolled to the main ballroom while she was scanning the itinerary Azra gave her. "Okay, looks like there's a short reception in the main room, and then there's the first panel on Australian spider species…" She glanced back. "You don't have to stay for the panels if you don't want. The hotel has a spa, if that's more your thing…"

"Hmm… well, it has been nearly five days since my last seaweed wr- no, no, I promised I'd make more of an effort to explore your interests, so… yeah, I think I can handle a spider lecture."

"Okay, I'm just saying, I know you're probably going to be really bored, and I don't hold that against you."

"I'll just close my eyes and think of Paris."

"Is that what you usually do when I go on about stuff?" she retorted. I was going to come up with a response but was gut off when my phone went off. Bitch by Meredith Brooks. "Huh. Wonder what Helga wants…" I answered. "Hey, bitch."

"Are you still using that ringtone for me? Remind me to punch you sometime."

"Oh, you're flattered and you know it. Watcha want?"

"Well, I was wondering if I could get some advice… If a guy asks you to go to some big gathering, is that a date?"

"Depends… do you want it to be a date?"

"Not really, no, he's too old for me and not really my type at all."

"Then I don't really see what you're worried about. It's not some kind of betrayal of Arnold to have fun… in fact, if I had to guess, I think he'd be more upset if you didn't."

"I mean, like… I know that on some level-"

"…and yet here you are trying to get my approval for some reason. Hellcat, you know what you want to do already so stop second-guessing yourself and just go and have fun. Okay?"

"I just feel like I'm about to turn a corner and I'm scared of what that means for me and Arnold."

"Helga… if what you two have isn't strong enough to withstand a… what exactly are we talking about here?"

"Beach party."

"…one of those, then it wasn't that strong in the first place. Do you believe that?'

"Well, no…"

"Good There you go. This conversation never needed to happen."

"Criminy, Princess, you're in an awful hurry to get rid of me…"

"Well, I am kind of on a date at the moment, not to mention in a public place, so if it seems that way, it's probably because of that. But you can totally tell me all about it when we come back, okay?" I disconnected. "Sorry about that. I'm all yours for the rest of the night, sweetheart."

"It's fine. Really. I know you have the whole 'special bond' thing going with her and everything…"

"Yes, I do, and yes, it's never going away, but you're always #1 in my heart. Both of them."

"….it is nice to hear that once in a while…" She gave me an impulsive little squeeze. "I think I'll keep you. For now."

Spencer Beach, that night

-HELGA-

The night couldn't have been more perfect for a beach party if the Beach Gods themselves had come down from on high and declared it so. It was warm but not unpleasantly so, and the ocean air was blowing in from the west adding a refreshing salty tang and pleasant chill. The bonfire was already going, and it looked like the first band was in the process of tuning up. It was almost like a very stripped down Burning Man, and the local freaks were out in full force, many of them no doubt every bit as blazed as the effigy on display.

"So," I prodded Phoebe, "you wouldn't happen to know what bands are playing this thing, would you?"

"A bunch of bands I never heard of. SCAB, Dead Lazarus, Raid on Bungling Bay, DJ Grey Matter…"

"Huh, that last one seems familiar for some reason. I have no idea why."

"*shrug* Well, it's not as if I'm particularly knowledgeable about the indie music scene. I just know if I like it when I hear it."

"Seriously, I feel like I'm this close to making the connection, but it's just out of-"

"Hey."

At the sound of the deep voice behind me, I felt my elbow snapping backward of its own accord, conditioned by years of muscle memory. Only this time, my wrist was caught.

I turned to face my unexpected acquaintance. "Old habits die hard, eh?" he said.

"I could say the same. How long's it been since you snuck up on me, Brainy?"

I hadn't seen him much since fate and redistricting had sent us to different high schools, though he still turned up here and there at parties. He'd changed a lot since our PS118 days… for one, he was tall. Taller than Stinky, even. He was also pretty damn good-looking. Not, like, Hollywood good-looking or anything like that, but certainly not too shabby by any means.

"Be honest… you kinda miss me always being underfoot, don't you." He commented, smirking.

I rolled my eyes. "You know what else is always underfoot? Toe fungus."

"Ouch. That hurts, Helga. That really hurts. Here I thought we had a connection all this time. Hey, Phoebe."

"Oh, don't let me get in the way," my companion said. "Pretend I'm not here." She backed away into the crowd.

"My knuckles certainly connected with your nose a whole lot, didn't they. Wow, look at you, though. How have the Sonics not recruited you yet? You're a freakin' giant!"

"Yeah, funny thing about that, you actually have to be good at sports. That's not something I can say about myself. Not in any sense of the word."

"Pity. So, um… weird that we're both here this particular night, huh?"

"Well, not so weird for me. I'm going on after Raid on Bungling bay."

I snapped my fingers. "That's it! DJ Grey Matter is you!" Doi. Brainy. Grey Matter. I must be slipping.

He raised his hands in mock-surrender. "You got me. Really been honing those detective skills, haven't you?'

"Well, ya gotta in my line of work, you know? You can't just rely on being able to chuck cars around."

"Hey. You should really check out my set later! I'm debuting my Temper mix."

"Your what now?"

"Basically, I sampled a bunch of sounds from media clips of you, combined with lots of other samples from different heroic themes. Avengers, Star Wars, The Abdicator, that sort of thing. It turns out you're my muse."

I blushed. "That's, um… that's kind of surprising, considering that you're over me."

"Who said I was over you? I stepped aside because I knew you'd never feel the same way about me that you do about him, but I never 'got over you'. You're actually a surprisingly hard woman to get over."

"You know… funny thing about that… I actually am kinda sorta… taking a break from Arnold…"

"You are?"

Oh, crap! I didn't have to tell him that! Why did I tell him that? What the heck is happening here?

"Yeah… I kinda had this feeling that I was becoming too clingy, so I decided that we should… not break up, but put things on hold for a while while he's out of the country?"

"Still, I guess you're not interested in seeing other people, though, are you?"

"Well… we kinda came to a mutual decision that while we weren't going to be actively looking to see other people, we wouldn't hold it against each other if that just happened to happen…" Oh my god, shutup shutup shutup! How are these words coming out of me? Why does he have to be so good-looking and nice and charming and not the weird little creep he was six years ago? This would be so much easier if I could just deck him over my shoulder like I used to back in the day, but criminy help me, I think I actually might be maybe a little…

My train of thought was blissfully interrupted by the first band starting up. They were okay… a pretty generic metal sound, really. I was just grateful to have something other than my romantic status to think about.

"So, what do you think about these guys?" asked Brainy, shouting over the loud music. "I like to get an idea about the competition."

"They're okay," I said. "KInda cookie-cutter in the sound department, but it's got a good beat and you can slam-dance to it."

"I hear this guy is actually supposed to be a lyrical genius. Word is he wrote a rock opera about the life of Franz Kafka when we was twelve or something like that."

"That's kinda cool. Too bad I can't actually make out any of his lyrics."

"Yeah, I know. He'd really benefit from a more melodic approach." He shrugged. "Well, I have a lot of stuff to set up, but it was really great getting to sneak up on you again!"

"Yeah, well… it was… kinda great getting sneaked up on."

"Hey… crazy thought… maybe we could meet up later?"

"Yeah… yeah, that would be cool!"

"All right… see you around, Helga!"

…interested.

Fuck. I am not ready to be interested in a guy again! And yet… it felt weirdly right that we somehow reconnected here, of all places.

I had a lot to think about.

Meanwhile…

Summer had been shadowing Helga and her mousy companion since the moment the two arrived at the party. She had hoped to stick close until the perfect moment to sabotage her, but fate had intervened; it seemed like she was a lot more interested in the tall guy with the glasses. Forget Sandy… if she wanted to get back at the Pataki girl, this new guy was definitely her real ticket.

Now all she needed was a plan…

A.N. Surprise! This isn't a Helga/Alex/Summer triangle at all! I've known I was going to have Brainy become a romantic option for Helga at some point during the story, and I figured, well, why not here? Alex was sort of a red herring in that regard, I admit, but let's face it, there's no chemistry there. But yes, we will definitely be seeing a lot more of Brainy.

Scab and its lead guitarist who wrote a Franz Kafka rock opera are a reference to one of my favorite shows, Home Movies, and "Raid on Bungeling Bay" is a sort of oblique reference to "Clash at Demonhead" from Scott Pilgrim.

As for the mystery alien hunter at the beginning of the chapter, he won't be showing up for a while yet, I'm just setting up something for later. It kinda has been a while since any of our girls got into any real badass superhero fights.

Jose: Yeah, hot sauce heat is chemical rather than temperate. Though, oddly, the girls have trouble tasting capsaicin in their powered form… it can still wreak having on their digestive systems, though. It's even worse since they're not really aware of how much they're taking in until it's too late.

Next: What does Summer have planned, and does it have any connection with the fact that she's recently seen the movie Misery?