A.N.: Sometimes you have no idea what you're going to write, and then you just happen to see just the right episode to inspire you. In this case, it was "Baby Oskar." Seeing that episode made me realize that, with Susie now married to Lila's dad, Baby Oskar (well, in this timeframe he's obviously no longer a baby) would now be Lila's cousin, and the rest sorta fell into place. It's nice how things line up like that sometimes, isn't it?
So, yes, this chapter's going to be short, but it's just the setup for a Lila-focused arc. Hope you enjoy!
Chapter 17
Play Date
-LILA-
I've always been a big Disney fan, but there's one thing I must say that they got very, very wrong. It turns out that stepmothers are actually pretty great.
I am ashamed to admit that at first, I was resistant to the idea of my father dating again. After years of it just being the two of us, the thought that my mother could just be replaced horrified me. And, I'm sorry to say that this caused me to lash out, even to the point of plotting to find a way to drive them apart.
I would like to say that I eventually came to my senses, and I suppose I was on my way there, but fate got in the way. And by fate, I mean nearly dying at the hands of armed mercenaries, going through a painful metamorphosis in a desperate attempt to save my life, becoming convinced that I actually had died and was being tortured in hell (my therapist called it 'post-traumatic dissociative disorder", but I can only tell you what it felt like at the time), and oh, let's not forget the demonic possession. As you can imagine, all of that was a giant speed bump on my road to reconciling with Suzie, but I'm glad to say that it was one we got past. After all, Suzie hadn't exactly signed up to be mother to a traumatized mutant when she started dating Daddy, but she rose to the occasion and no matter how resistant I was, I couldn't help but see that she was willing to put in the work, and well, if she was willing, what did it say about me that I wasn't? And so, slowly, I allowed her into my life.
They tied the knot on July 31. And now, here we were, their fourth anniversary. Four years of having a mom again.
No lie… turns out it was pretty great.
Which was why I was in the process of making the two of them breakfast in bed. After hitting up my "big sis" Olga for idea, I'd settled on Eggs Benedict for two (thankfully, Daddy's cholesterol was down or else it would be a decidedly less romantic oatmeal for two). The bacon was frying, the English muffins were toasting, and the eggs were in mid-poach. A lot of work to be sure, but I'd taken the advantage of shifting to my alien form to give myself extra hands to work with. It's ever-so-convenient to be able to turn over the bacon and stir the Hollandaise at the same time. Sadly, my surprise was ruined when my parents came sniffing around.
"Oooh, what smells so good?" Suzie ventured.
"Uh-uh. Nope. Go back to bed."
"But bacon," Daddy mock whined.
"It was supposed to be a surprise," I said. "For your anniversary."
"Oh, dear, you didn't have to," protested Suzie.
"But I do! I want you both to know, under no uncertain terms, that I've oh-so happy to have you both in my life. Now get back to bed and wait until breakfast is ready."
"You're the boss, pumpkin," Daddy said, giving my hair a ruffle. "Oh… while I'm up though… I think it's time I gave you your anniversary present, dear."
"Now? I didn't think we'd be exchanging gifts this early."
"I guess the excitement's still there, then. Well, the traditional gift for the fourth anniversary is flowers…"
"…which I'm allergic to…"
"…or fruit. And, well, since I wanted to do better than an Edible Arrangement, I figured… we could take a nice romantic trip up to the Tieton Cider Works in Yakima!"
[A.N. It's a real place.]
Suzie gasped. "How did you know I've been dying to go there?"
"Well… it just so turns out I overheard you on the phone with your sister a couple of weeks ago. "The arrangements are all made. We'll be spending the night there, so, driving back won't be a problem after the tasting."
Suzie smiled back. "Oh, Larry… you didn't have to…"
"Of course I did. My wife deserves the best."
Suzie chuckled in response. "You know what Oskar got me for our fourth anniversary? His pants. He'd ripped them at the track and needed me to fix them."
Daddy sighed. "The bar's that low for me, huh."
"Yes. You don't have to go above and beyond for me. Which is why it means so much to me that you do," she added, embracing him with a kiss.
"Okay, you two," I scolded, "Go away. You're distracting me and the Hollandaise is going to curdle."
Some time later, breakfast was ready and assembled, and it was time to bring it in. "Knock knock… I assume you two are decent in there?"
"It's fine, you can come in, pumpkin," Daddy answered.
I entered slowly, to find Suzie in the middle of a phone call. "Mmmm-hmm," she was saying. "No, no it's fine… no, we didn't have any plans we couldn't cancel… Let me just talk it over with Larry.." She covered the receiver. "It's my sister Nancy."
"Oh, aunt Nancy?" I asked. "I don't think I've seen her in ages…"
"Well, unfortunately, Bill had a sudden case of appendicitis and they need someone to look after Oskar for a few days. I guess we'll have to cancel our trip…"
"Well, gosh, if it's an emergency, I guess we really don't have much of a choice… I just hope I can get my deposit back on short notice."
"What if I took care of him?" I asked.
"Oh, honey, are you sure you can handle it?" Suzie asked. "Boys can be a real handful…"
"Oh, yes, I'm certain I can. I've babysat before, and children just love me. You'll be back tomorrow anyway, right? I'm fairly sure I can handle little Oskar until then. You two go enjoy your anniversary."
"Well, if you're sure…" She took her hand off the receiver again. "Hello? Yes we can look after her, but would it be okay if Lila took care of him for the first day or so? It turns out Larry set up an anniversary trip for us, and getting out of the reservation could be difficult, but Lila- hmm? Sixteen, is that a problem? *pause* I assure you, she's a very responsible young lady. Oskar would be in very good hands. *pause* And we'll be back tomorrow. Is it okay then? *pause* Good. You can bring him over any time, then." She hung up. "Well, good news, Nancy says it's all right if you look after Oskar until we're back."
"Thank you! I promise I won't let you down!"
"I have no doubt you won't, dear," Suzie replied.
"All right, Oskar, you remember your cousin Lila, right? She'll be taking care of you until Uncle Larry and Aunt Suzie are back tomorrow. I want you to be a good boy for her, okay?"
"Hello, Oskar!" I said. I'd changed, both clothing and species-wise. It wouldn't do to let a six-year-old that I barely saw in on my secret. "I'm certain we're going to have ever so much fun!"
"I'm certain we're going to have ever so much fun!" Oskar parroted in a mocking voice.
"Oskar!" scolded Aunt Nancy. "I'm so sorry, he's kind of going through a phase… Oskar, I'm serious, I need you to behave…"
"Why? Girls are stupid," he replied, scowling.
"I'm really, really sorry," repeated Aunt Nancy.
'It's all right, I'm not offended."
"It's all right, I'm not-"
"Oskar! Behave!"
Ignoring his acting out, I asked "Is there anything I should know about? Allergies, fears, that sort of thing?"
"No, nothing like that. Well, Good luck, dear. You know where you can reach me if there's an emergency."
"Thank you, Aunt Nancy. I promise I'll take really good care of him."
Once Aunt Nancy and my parents had left, I was alone with Oskar. "Well, what shall we do now?" I asked. "It's a nice day… perhaps we could go to the park?"
Oskar huffed, walked over to the couch and plopped himself down. "Where's the video games?" he demanded. So that was how it was going to be…
"We don't have any here," I informed him. "Sorry."
"Hmmph. Figures. Girls don't like video games."
"Well, I'm certain that's not true… in fact, one of my friends has a pretty popular gaming channel."
"Yeah, right,"
"It's true. Here, let me show you." I probably shouldn't have let him bait me like this, but I had to defend my gender. I brought up Nadine's TubeTube channel on my phone. "See? She's got a whole bunch of videos here. Thunder Sigil… Last Legend… Evil Spirits… Ninja's Code… I'm not really familiar with any of these games, so I don't know which ones would be appropriate for a six year-old, but take it from me, she knows what she's doing."
"Probably plays 'em all on easy," he dismissed.
"Well, in any case, I, personally, don't have any video games and it would be a shame to be stuck inside on such a beautiful day anyway. So, after lunch, we are going to the park. If you behave yourself, we can get ice cream later. How does that sound?"
He shrugged. "…fine, I guess."
I smiled. Battle number 1 won. I am ever-so nailing this.
Meanwhile…
Monkeyman's Journal, July 31, 2022
The scum of the street usually melts away into the shadows at first glimmer of morning light. Yet, evil never truly sleeps, it simply hibernates. It crawls into its secluded deans of sin and iniquity to grow and fester until it once again metastasizes in the pale moonlight of the night, seeping back onto the streets in an orgy of mixed metaphors and overwrought symbolism…
"…eh, forget it, I don't know where I was going with this." Richard "Monkeyman" Andrews clicked the stop button on his personal tape recorder. Actually listening to his internal narrative out loud simply drove home how ridiculous it sounded.
Truth told, Monkeyman wasn't feeling all that relevant these days In Hillwood, between the reorganized Public Safety Force and those four new alien superheroes, there wasn't exacty a ton of room for an ordinary guy in monkey slippers. Sure, there was the occasional mugging that they couldn't get to in time, but that wasn't often, and while the new girls got headlines and merch and apparently a magical girl-style anime in Japan, all he got was funny looks. These days, he was on the verge of hanging it all up and seeing if maybe he couldn't get a job at the zoo to be near his beloved monkeys.
He was about to back it in for the morning and head back to his aunt's house when, passing by Bobo's Two o' Diamonds Tavern, he was just barely missed by a body being hurled through the front window. Now, Bobo was known to get rough with the more ornery drunks who refused to move on when Bobo cut them off, but one: it was well after last call, two: he wouldn't wreck his own window, and three: the person who almost hit him was, in fact, Bobo himself.
"Oh my gosh, are you all right?" Monkeyman asked, worried.
"Eh… I been thrown though stuff before," the proprietor answered, rubbing his jaw. "Some no good punk came in, I told him we were closed, but he just shoved me aside and started grabbin' bottles. I tried ta make wit' da reasonable discoursing but he objectified in a very strenguous manner, as you can see." He stretched. "Didn't think he'd be so strong considerin' how sick he looked. He was all green an' stuff."
Monkeyman took a look inside through the shattered front window. Behind the bar, he could see a massive man lounging, guzzling beer directly from the tap with one hand while looking over a bunch of bottled of various potent potables with the other. The man was impossibly huge… Monkeyman wagered at least eight feet tall, and made of solid muscle. His skin was a pale green, and he had a mane of tangled blck hair with what looked like insect-like antennae sticking out at the top. He also had blood-red pupil-less eyes, no visible nose, and sharp teeth. Yep, this guy definitely wasn't from around here.
Common sense would have suggested that Monkeyman's best option was to see if he could get in touch with one of the superheroes with actual powers, but he was feeling particularly useless that day and his ego demanded that he, himself, make the first effort to do intervene. Logically, one could guess that this would end in disaster given that the newcomer was a solid brick wall while Monkeyman was a scrawny weakling, but logic wasn't in play at the moment. And so, Monkeyman marched right to the tavern's mysterious invader and demanded "All right, I think it's time for you to leave.
The intruder looked the urban crimefighter over dismissively. "Who the frell are you, bonebag?" he retorted.
"I'm Monkeyman, and I protect this city," Monkeyman responded, his confidence beginning to flag.
"Heh heh. 'Monkeyman'. Ain't that redundant?" The brute lazily drew himself to his full height. "Lemme guess… if I don't leave, you're gonna make me."
"If it comes to that."
"Heh heh heh… what the yatz, I'm feelin' charitable-like today. Give it yer best shot, little monkey."
"All right… if you insist," Monkeyman replied, delivering a karate chop to the man's side. It was basically about as effective as karate-chopping a slab of concrete. Monkeyman howled in pain as he cradled his injured hand.
The intruder glanced at him casually. "That was it? That was your best shot? Grife, this planet is a bigger joke than I thought, if you're the best it has to offer."
"Just… ow… getting an idea of your strength…"
The intruder laughed heartily, biting the neck off a bottle of tequila, spitting it aside, and chugging its contents in a single gulp. "Lissen, shrimp, count yerself lucky you ain't worth my time. It means y'get t'live. I'm here for big game. You ain't even worth a space on my bathroom wall."
"You'll eat those words in a second," Monkeyman retorted, reaching for his… oh, right, the exploding Bananarang was still in the design phase. "Well… not a second. But in a reasonably short amount of time…"
"Uh huh. Look, kid, I'm givin' ya a chance to run, so whyncha take it? Go tell someone who matters, that Oso is in town, an' he's lookin' for a real challenge."
"Oso, like, Spanish for 'the Bear', 'cause I can kinda see that…"
"Actually, it's an Irken dialect for 'He who eviscerates you with his bare hands and delights in the experience. In other words, small fry… ya just dodged a disintegration beam."
A.N.: Yep, remember this guy? I told you he'd be back! And he's going to be on a collision course with our girls. We're talking full-blown superhero action. And since I wasn't done with the rip-o- I mean, homages, Bobo is based on Superman supporting character Bibbo.
Jose: You caught Warriors but not Kill Bill. I'm disappointed. Shame on you. :) Nah, but seriously, good eye.
Penguin Lord: Oh yeah, she seems sweet and docile but don't get on her bad side.
Next: The play date continues, but does Lila have what it takes to deal with a bratty six-year-old and an alien hunter? Actually, the hunter may be the easier part.