Chapter 21

People Watching

Tina Park

-HELGA-

"Ooh! I think I got one."

"Where?"

"Over there."

"Hmm? That's just a guy walking a dog."

"Take a closer look, brush-head. That's a raccoon."

"…oh, my god, you're right, that is a raccoon. I can't believe I didn't notice it."

" Right, so, 'Person walking unusual pet.' That's my upper-right corner, which means I'm two away from a bingo diagonally. You really need to catch up."

Brainy and I were in the midst of a heated game of Rando Bingo, the new pastime that was taking the world by storm. Basically, you downloaded this app that generated a bingo board full of random weirdos to try to spot in a crowd, and a bunch of people played until one got a Bingo. Honestly, I'm kinda shocked it took this long for someone to monetize the idea of goofing on people at the park.

"Don't count me out yet. Aha! Man with muttonchop whiskers. I'm back in the game." He marked spot D-5 on his card.

"This is turning out to be a really good idea," I said. "Who knew there were so many weird pedestrians on an average day?"

"Well, this is Hillwood. We're the town that makes Portland look vanilla," he joked.

"True, true." I took a bite of my street shawarma. "Ooh, pink mohawk at ten o'clock." I checked my phone. "No, not on my card…"

"It's on mine," Brainy said, checking it. "So, how long until you have to go back to the bookstore?"

"Oh, we have plenty of time," I replied.

"We've already been out here for forty-five minutes. I'm kind of surprised your boss lets you take long lunches like this."

I chuckled. "I haven't seen hide nor hair of my boss since I was hired. I'm pretty sure the store itself is just some kind of money-laundering operation."

"Seriously?"

"Well, yeah, think about it. We never seem to have any customers, yet the store's still in business. How else would you explain it?"

Brainy shrugged. "You do make a good point. Recumbent bicycle, by the way."

"Ooh! I think I have that one." I checked it. "I'm one Juggalo away from a bingo."

"What about the clown handing out balloons?"

"Nope. Ordinary clowns don't count. It must be a Juggalo."

We continued for a while, finishing our lunches while trying to find more human oddities in the crowd, but neither of us scored. The lull became a long, uncomfortable silence. His mouth was full, but I'd b=finished a while before he had and I was unsure of what to say. And I knew exactly the reason… yesterday, I had spoken to Arnold for the first time since the breakup and now I was starting to question everything. What was I really doing with Brainy? Did I really think this was going to go anywhere? Was I just stringing him along with false hope while simply using him as a placeholder until Arnold inevitably returned? And if that was what I was doing, what kind of person did that make me?

"So… are we going to talk about what happened yesterday?"

"What? Who told you about yesterday? Nothing happened yesterday! Whoever told you something happened yesterday is lying!"

Brainy eyed me confusedly. "So… you… didn't fight an alien yesterday?"

"Ohhhh… that thing that happened yesterday…." Wow. Great reaction there, Pataki. Not suspicious at all. "Well, there's nothing to tell, really. I never actually got to fight the alien. We showed up, got caught in a trap, and that was pretty much it. Lila was the one who really did all the fighting. It's… kind of embarrassing actually." I sighed. "I really wanted to get the chance to beat up an alien."

"I'm sure you'll get your chance someday," he assured, smiling. "If there's one alien biker out there, there's probably more."

"I hope so. That should be a right of passage for any superhero."

"Have you gotten a cat out of a tree yet?"

"I've gotten Eugene out of a tree. Twice. Does that count?"

"Close enough, I'd imagine. Sooooo… what were you talking about?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Huh? Oh, nothing, personal stuff."

"Oh, okay," he said, clearly unconvinced, but willing to let it go. Great, I was lying to both of the boys in my life now. What a wonderful girlfriend I am.

"…y'know, I really should get back to the store," I said, suddenly really uncomfortable.

"Oh, okay, cool, I'll walk back with you. We can keep playing."

"Thanks, but you really don't-" Oh, what am I doing? I'm driving away the second-nicest guy in the world because I'm feeling guilty for talking to the nicest guy in the world behind his back? No… this is wrong. I should at least be honest with the boy tat I'm actually going to be seeing all the time. "You know what, yeah, walk with me. I think I need to talk about something."

"Okay, about what?"

I took a deep breath. "I… talked to Arnold yesterday."

"Ohhhh," he replied. "So… how'd that go?"

"Surprisingly less awkward than I thought it would be. It was kinda like he'd never really left."

"So… he's cool with us?"

"Well, I don't know, I didn't actually, y'know… tell him, exactly…"

"Mmmm." I could discern no judgement, positive or negative, from his response. The old Brainy. Inscrutable, ambiguous.

"I know, I know… we're supposed to be officially broken up, we're supposed to be able to date other people, but for some reason I just couldn't tell him. I tried to tell myself it was to spare his feelings, but I'm not sure if that's the real reason, or if it's me being ashamed that I'm *finger quotes* 'cheating' on him."

"Mmmm."

"I know, I should be honest about this, he deserves that much, but to tell the truth, I don't know exactly what 'this' is yet. Are we a couple? Dating? Proto-dating? Just friends? I'm not sure yet."

"Mmmmm."

'Well, can't argue with that, can I," I joked. "Seriously, though, Brainy… what do you think this is? What do you want out of this?"

He rubbed his chin, considering. "Well… I'd be lying if I said I didn't want this to go any further."

I smirked. "Really. The guy who used to stalk me wants to take this to the next level. You don't say." In a more serious tone, I added, "You've been pretty casual about that, though. You haven't made a move to so much as hold my hand, let alone kiss me."

"Yeah, well, you have to admit that there's this huge, oblong-headed shadow looming over this whole relationship. I know you're not over him…"

"…that's kind of an understatement. I doubt I'll ever truly be over over him…"

"…so, y'know… I want to take this at a pace that works for you. If it was up to me, we'd at least be at the hand-holding stage by now…"

"…we can try it if you'd like," I suggested, holding out my hand.

"If you're okay with it," he replied.

"If I wasn't. I wouldn't be making the offer."

He took hold, and… well, it wasn't that electrical jolt I felt with Arnold. I wasn't sure anything would ever match that. But it was warm and comforting and… well, I guess given his past, I don't know, I was expecting his palms to be a lot sweatier? Thank goodness that wasn't an issue. But…yeah. It was definitely a feeling I could get used to.

"Well, you haven't punched me yet, so I'll take that as a positive sign," he joked.

"Who knows," I added. "If you play your cards right, I might not punch you for the whole rest of the day."

Yeah, he wasn't Arnold. He's never be Arnold. But for now… he was Brainy. And that was enough.

South Hillwood Mall

The girl, dark-haired, tall, slim, and well-dressed, arrived at just after noon at the North Hillwood Mall. Today was not her shift (she worked at a swimwear store on the second floor), but she had other business here. Then it was going to be off to Dino Land to surprise her girlfriend with an impromptu lunch date..

Across the street, a man watched her enter the shopping enclosure from an old, beat-up Chevy, through a pair of binoculars. Surreptitiously, he snapped a few pictures of the young woman. The average passerby, if they saw this, would not be blamed if they were to assume some unsavory intention on behalf of the voyeur, given that his target was decidedly underage. The man in question was not too unaware of this perception, which was why he was so surreptitious.

Once his target had entered the building and thus left his sight, the man dialed his employer.

"I think I found her, Mr. Wendell," he said.

[A.N. No, not the homeless guy from the Arrested Development song.]

"Are you sure it's her?" the voice on the other end asked.

"Positive," the man replied. "I'm sending you the photos right now."

The man sent the three photos he took of the young woman over his private VPN line (the subscription to which had been courtesy of this mysterious benefactor).

"Hmm… yes, this must be her. She's nearly identical to her mother," The man detected a bit of regret in his client's voice, but that was none of his business, as long as his checks cleared. And they did.

"Are we done?" he asked.

"Continue observing her, but be discreet about it. She can't be more than sixteen or seventeen, and if you get caught, well, you know that I can't be responsible."

"Right," he said.

What his employer wanted with some rich teenage girl, he had no idea. Frankly, he doubted he even wanted to know. This was just a job, and one that paid very well.

GameDump

-RHONDA-

The clerk, whose hair was a pale green today, finished tapping in the order on her computer. "And… there we go. Your preorder for the GS5 Deluxe is confirmed."

"Thanks, Laura. Nadine's been going on about this system since they announced it. She's going to be so surprised I got her one."

"You're a good girlfriend, Rhonda," Laura assured. "And I'm not just saying that because I get a commission on every preorder."

"Hey, what can I say. I like making her happy."

'Well, thanks for doing it in person. The internet is killing this place."

"Don't I know it. Bikini Atoll's probably hanging by a thread too. Well, thanks anyway, I'll see you when I see you."

Well, objective number one had been accomplished. Now I just had to stop at the food court to pick up lunch from Nadine's favorite place. Then it was off to Dino Land.

After paying the ticketseller (and slipping him an extra fiver so he would look the other way while I slipped outside food into the park, I made a beeline for the main fountain plaza, where a crowd was gathered around a group of capering mascots. One, a pterodactyl dressed in a cheerleading outfit, was doing a rah-rah routine for the guests while she mugged for their photos. I taught her that. The costume was probably hot and uncomfortable as all hell, but I had to admit she looked utterly adorable in it.

Eventually, a bell dinged to signal posing time was over. The crowd dispersed, and I took the opportunity to make my way over.

"Oh, Teri Dactyl," I pleaded in a flirty voice. "Surely you have time for one more photo…"

"Teri" shrugged theatrically while she posed as I took a selfie of me giving her a peck on the beak.

"Yeesh, the weirdos are out today," muttered "Sherrif Stego" under his breath.

"Shhh," whispered "Teri." "This is my girlfriend, Diego. I mentioned her, remember?"

"…wait, this is Rhonda? Dang, girl, you got better game than me."

"You guys are killing the illusion," I complained.

"Says the girl flirting with the dinosaur," Nadine reminded. "C'mon, let's go to the employee rest area so I can get this stupid head off."

"Ohhhh, that's better," Nadine sighed in relief, setting down "Teri's" head next to herself on the bench. "I'm really lucky I don't have claustrophobia. They hired a new Cap'n Icthy the other day and he started freaking out as soon as he god the head on."

"You do totally rock the whole lizard cheerleader look, though," I said, giving her a squeeze.

"Stop it," she said mock-annoyed, swatting me with her pom-pom. "You're gonna make people think you have a reptile fetish. What brings you here, anyway? I thought you work Mondays."

"I traded shifts with Becky. Thought I'd surprise you with-"

"Wait, let me guess," she interrupted, sniffing the air. "The chipotle bowl from El Patio? You foul temptress!"

"Of course. It's the only place that uses dairy-free cheese."

"You do spoil me," she said, digging in.

'That's not all," I said. "I stopped by GameDump and preordered you a little something…"

"Oh… it wasn't Phantoms of Yokohoma, was it, because I already ordered that."

"No… what have you been raving about since they announced it two weeks ago?"

"Y-you didn't…"

"I did! I preordered you the deluxe model of the GS5!"

"You… you really didn't have to…"

"Sure I did! You're worth it."

"No, seriously, the GS5 is five hundred bucks!"

"Four-ninety-nine-ninety-five. And I didn't have to put it all down at once."

Nadine slumped. "I really wish you didn't do that."

"Why not?" I asked. "Look… some girls like flowers, some girls like jewelry, some girls like chocolate…"

"I like chocolate."

"The girl I love likes bugs and video games, and bugs are pretty much free, so…"

"Rhonda…" She squeezed my had as best she could with her costume's padded oversized glove on. "You don't have to buy me expensive stuff to prove you love me."

"Why not? I love it when people buy me expensive stuff."

"Well, I don't! It makes me feel… I don't know… unequal. Like… and look, I don't hold this against you, I never have, but… you can afford to do this sort of thing. I can't. I can never reciprocate any of this."

"I never expected you to! I'm just trying to express my love the best w- oh. Oh."

"What?"

"Oh, wow, I think I'm having an epiphany here. I… I express love through material gifts because my parents spoiled me rotten and I never realized how unhealthy it is…" I shook my head. Self-awareness hurts.

"Oh, come on, you don't always do that…"

"No. I do. I do it all the time. I never really even gave a thought to how it made you feel because I just assumed everyone felt like I did. Oh… oh god, I used to tip people when they did me favors! I'm just the worst!"

"Oh, come on. If you were really the worst would I still be with you after this long? You just didn't know. To be honest, I really should've said something, but I was scared you'd react badly."

I took a dep breath. It was true. She knew all my faults and she was still with me. "Okay. I'll call Laura and ask her to cancel the preorder."

"well…." Nadine's eyes shifted back and forth. "I mean, if you already put down the money… Oh, who am I kidding, it's the GS5 Deluxe and it'd be ages before I saved enough to get one!" She sighed. "How about… no expensive gifts after this one." She slumped. "I'm a hypocrite, aren't I."

"There's nothing wrong with wanting nice things, Butterfly. I just wish I could think some grand gesture I could make to show how much I love you that didn't involve spending a lot of-"

And, suddenly it came to me.

"Take off your costume."

Nadine blushed. "Rhonda, I thought we agreed that we were going to wait 'til we were 18 to-"

"No, not that! I'm taking the rest of your shift."

"You- you what?"

"You heard me. I am going to take your place in that gross, sweaty costume so you can have a well-deserved break."

Nadine's eyes widened. "Y-you would do that? It violates everything you believe!"

"For you, I would do anything, even… wear something second-hand."

"You don't have to do this to prove anything to me, you know."

"I know," I said. "I want to."

And for the next four hours, I would dance around in a confining, smelly foam outfit on a hot day and get kicked by small children.

And it felt good.

A.N.: Well, there we go, a bit more development for the story's two most prominent couples. And just what is the deal with the guy spying on Rhonda? Well, that ties into a bit of backstory I've had in mind for her mother. We'll be learning more about that in upcoming chapters.

Penguin Lord: We'll be seeing the new Lila soon enough.

Jose: Funny enough, first time I saw Lobo waaaay back in Keith Giffen's Justice League run, my first thought was "wow, this guy looks exactly like Beetlejuice."

Veganmama: Yep, Lila's new look will be coming soon!

See ya next time!