Chapter 31

Lila's Birthday

-LILA-

We were approaching the final days of August, and my seventeenth birthday was rapidly approaching. Since it happened to fall during the weekend of Hillwood's Humdinga music festival, and given that my interest in music had become public knowledge since my makeover, the gang had elected to forgo the traditional party and instead make a day out of the festival instead. All the hottest artists would be playing… Raid on Bungeling Bay, Shriek, Madame Gonzo, Calcium, Emica, Luna and the Moths, Bruise… rumor had it even Ronnie Matthews would make a surprise appearance to reignite his comeback. And, while I really didn't need the fuss, to be perfectly honest, I couldn't imagine a better way to enjoy the day if I planned it myself.

By the way, if you're wondering how Daddy took my new look, there isn't much to tell, really. Of course he overreacted at first, turning into a blubbering mess about how his little girl is growing up and changing before his very eyes, how time is slipping away and he'd be saying goodbye before he knew it. I could understand, believe me. Losing Mommy hit us both hard, not to mention losing the farm and having to move on top of that. I was pretty much all he had until meeting Suzie, and he had become deeply attached to holding on to me as I was in those days. It was probably why I had been so attached to that particular look and matter of acting until long after playing the role of Little Miss Perfect had started to grate on me, even after going through all I had in sixth grade. Eventually, though, he realized I was doing this to express myself (with a little goading from Suzie) and had given his approval. A tat was still out though. Not until NEXT birthday.

Saturday, the day of my birthday, came, and the whole gang gathered at the spot Gerald and Harold had staked out at the fair grounds. Two months ago, this same site had been the location of the Renaissance Fair (where strange supernatural phenomena had occurred). Now, multiple bandstands and concessions had been set up to cater to the tens of thousands of visitors who would be converging from across the area. Blankets had been spread over the claimed area, and multiple picnic baskets had been laid out. The decision had been made that we would bring our own food rather than rely on the festival's overpriced edibles. One glance over at the menu on one of the stands drove home just how smart a decision that had been. Ten bucks for a chili dog? Not happening.

I was one of the first to arrive, but the three of us weren't alone for long. Soon, Helga and Brainy showed up, then Sid and Stinky, followed by Sheena and Thad, Eugene, and Lorenzo, then Phoebe, Rhonda, Nadine, Rani and Patty as a group. I couldn't help but notice the last group was carrying a distinctly guitar-shaped box. Sigh. It figured. Rhonda went and got me that guitar. "You didn't," I groaned. "I told you not to, but you went and did it anyway."

"Did what?" asked Rhonda innocently.

"Ugggh, let's just get this over with," I grudgingly conceded, opening the guitar-shaped box, only to discover its actual contents… a guitar-shaped birthday cake.

"Oh…" I stammered.

"What?" Rhonda asked again. "Can't have a birthday without a cake."

"Well, you know, I saw the shape of the box and I just thought… oh, never mind…" I plopped down on the blanket. "Wow, you did an amazing job on this…"

"Thanks," Patty replied. "The strings are licorice, the saddle, frets and pick guard are carved from chocolate, the control knobs are gumdrops…" she lightly slapped away Harold's hand as he reached for the aforementioned, "the body is coated with fondant… much as I think it's overrated, you can't beat it for holding a shape… and the interior is black forest with vanilla crème, which I believe is your favorite…"

"I'm certain it's oh-too de- I mean, I'm sure it's gonna be amazing," I replied, momentarily regressing to old habits. "It almost looks too beautiful to eat."

'No such thing," interjected Harold.

"Well," Patty said replied, bashfully rubbing the back of her head, "I figured that since this is probably the last time I'm gonna be seeing all of you guys before I go to California, I might as well go all out."

"Oh, shit, that's right, you're leaving this week!" realized Rhonda. "We've all been so caught up planning this that I never got to setting up a going-away party for you!"

"It's fine, really. I don't want anyone making a big deal over it. It's not like I'll never be back."

"Think about it, though…" I continued, "the group is kind of start to break up, isn't it. WE've already said goodbye to Arnold for a whole year, Patty's leaving, Harold's getting his GED instead of coming back to school…"

"Actually," Eugene added. "I wasn't sure how to tell you guys, but I won't be back at South Hillwood this year either. I'm transferring to the Hillwood Academy for the Arts this semester. Mr. Leichleiter recommended me after I was in his summer stock production of Guys and Dolls. Sorry I didn't bring it up earlier…"

"Why are you sorry?" I asked. "This is a tremendous opportunity for you. Go for it."

"I just feel like I'm just one more person abandoning you guys, is all."

"Trust me, we'll get along just fine if you chase your dreams," Helga insisted. "You grab that shooting star. And try not to hurt anything."

"Y'know it's kinda rare seeing you alone, Stinky." Gerald said. "Gloria letting you off your leash?"

"'Fraid I'm stag today, fellers. Gloria had herself a family emergency, so I'm attendin' today's hootenanny all by my lonesome."

"Oh, that's… just an awful shame," Rani replied unconvincingly, her eyes darting back and forth. She and Stinky had dated in the past before Gloria had come back into the picture this past spring. I knew for a fact that, as much as she claimed to have moved on and how many random guys she dated, she still held a torch for the country boy. I suppose, in another life, I could see myself in that position, though Stinky and I had never been a couple.

"Yeah, I reckon I feel mighty bad for her, having so many family emergencies. Why, this must be the third one this past fortnight."

"…uh-huh," Gerald replied, rolling his eyes. He knew, as did most of us, that the "family emergency" was more likely a dalliance with some better-looking, more popular, and probably older male, but Stinky was completely oblivious to Gloria's less-than-faithful nature, no matter how much his friends tried to convince him otherwise. Stinky was old-school chivalrous in pretty much every way, even the stupid ones.

"So, is this everyone?" Sheena asked.

"Almost," Rhonda replied. "I hope no one minds, but I invited Wolfgang."

"Seriously?" Gerald asked.

"Are you crazy?" Sid added. "That guy tortured us for years!"

"I'm afraid I agree." Eugene commented. "He shoved me into a trash can on multiple occasions. And lockers. And pretty much everywhere you can shove someone."

"I know, but that was years ago. He's a pretty decent guy if you give him a chance."

A skeptical look passed among the gathered. Rhonda may have vouched for him, but there was history here. If there was anything close to an arch-nemesis for the gang, he'd been it.

"Okay, I may have overstepped my bounds here," conceded Rhonda. "I just thought maybe it was time we got over old wounds, but clearly this was a mistake."

"Yeah, no kidding," Thad replied. "Sorry, but even I thnk this was a crazy idea."

"Hold on," I said. "As the birthday girl, I believe I have the final say, and I say that it's all right if Wolfgang comes to my party."

"Lila, are you nuts? This is Wolfgang! Wolfgang!" Harold emphasized.

"No, Rhonda's right. We're almost adults now, Isn't it about time we got over these petty schoolyard rivalries?"

Everyone glanced over at Helga. In Arnold's absence, she had become the de facto leader of the group, whether by virtue of her relationship with the departed Mr. Shortman, or simply her forceful personality, and people generally tended to seek out her opinion when there was dissent in the ranks.

"She's the birthday girl," Helga opined. "Her wishes, her rules."

"Well… all right," Gerald replied. "But I don't have to like it." The others mumbled their agreement.

"Thanks for backing me up," Rhonda whispered. "I probably should've brought it up with you first, but I kinda thought everyone was over him."

"To be honest, Wolfgang's never really bothered me," I replied. "I get that the rest of you have had trouble with him in the past, but I've never really had any sort of run-in with him."

"Maybe he thought you were cute or something," Helga remarked, I assume jokingly.

"Oh, that's ridiculous…"

"Not really," Rhonda interjected. "Pretty much everyone thought you were cute. Still do, actually."

"It's true," added Helga.

Ignore them. They're just buttering up the birthday girl.

Wolfgang arrived a few minutes later to mostly suspicious stares.

"Hey guys," he began. "I know I was kinda mean to you in the past, and I understand if you don't want me here, but I brought a peace offering." Out of a brown paper bag, he fished a smaller, cellphane one filled with a rainbow of tiny gummi bears.

"Free candy?" Harold exclaimed. "All is forgiven, now fork it over!"

"Not just any candy," Wolfgang insinuated.

"You mean there's MORE?" Harold remarked, eyes widening.

"I got these from Big Gino," replied Wolfgang. "You know how he used to deal in candy? Well, now he deals in 'candy', if you get what I mean."

Phoebe raised an eyebrow. "Am I to infer that these gummis are infused with an added ingredient of the herbal persuasion?"

"No, but they do have pot in them," Wolfgang responded."

"Wolfgang!" scolded Rhonda. "You're on probation!"

"Yeah, I know, but I figured if I was gonna win these guys over, I'd have to do something big. Besides, it's a music festival. 90% of this crowd's probably toasted."

"That's not the point. I've been sticking my neck out for you and you violated my trust."

"Dude, don't be a narc," Sid interjected, reaching for the bag.

"Yeah, I reckon if Wolfgang wants to make amends, who're we to look a gift bag of gummis in the mouth?"

"I'll be generous and consider that a clever reference to the fact that gelatin is made from horses." Rhonda looked around for support. "Seriously, is that all it takes?"

"You did want them to accept him, Princess," Helga dryly remarked.

"Yeah, but not because he's violating hi- Thad, you too?"

"I've always been kinda curious what I've been missing."

"Yeah, but… Rani? Don't you know those aren't veg- Lorenzo? What would your mother say- PHOEBE!"

"Call it an experiment. I want to see if these work on us. Besides," She glanced aside, a passive-aggressive note creeping into her voice, "Gerald seems to think that I need to lighten up anyway."

"I didn't mean weed candy, I meant take a night off or two from studying! You don't know how much I had to beg to get her out here today. Girl's gonna burn herself out."

"To late. I came to party, and that's what I'm gonna do." By now it was clear that Rhonda had lost the battle; with the exception of her, myself, Helga, Gerald, and Sheena (she, at least, stayed true to her vegan principles), everyone had chosen to partake of the proverbial apple (and raspberry, and orange, and pineapple, and lemon, and strawberry, and I don't know what the turquoise ones were, but I had to admit I was awful curious).

Oh, what the hell, they probably don't last long, and for all I know, I'm immune to them anyway. What could it hurt? I snagged one of the turquoise ones and popped it in my mouth."

"Hmm… some sort of tropical punch…" I muttered to myself.

"Et tu, Lila?" Rhonda sighed. "I thought you, of all people…"

I shrugged. "I just wanted to know what flavor this one was. And what it felt like to give into peer pressure."

"Just let it go, Princess," advised Helga. "Even your girlfriend jumped on the bandwagon."

"Wha- NADINE! …oh, who am I kidding, I can't be mad at you…"

"So, uh… how long does it take to kick in?" asked Rani.

"Yeah, I figured I'd at least feel something by now," Sid added. "It usually doesn't take this long."

"Hmm," Phoebe mused. "I was assuming that I was resistant because of my physiology, but if nobody else is feeling anything…" The rest of the crew nodded. "Then I wonder if someone may have gotten ripped off here."

"Um… I think I might have your answer here," Helga remarked, peeling Big Gino's label off the packaging, revealing a Krodi's logo. "These here are plain-ol' non-spiked gummis, purchased at the corner supermarket and relabeled for gullible indivduals."

Wolfgang facepalmed. "You mean I paid Big Gino a hundred bucks for a three-dollar bag of gummi bears? Gahh… if that little shrimp didn't surround himself with the wrestling team, I'd kick his ass!"

"Yeah, like it's the first time Gino ripped anyone off." Helga commented. "You deal with tat guy, you'd better count your fingers afterward."

"Let's just all be happy that Wolfgang didn't violate his probation, all right?" Rhonda asked. "Seriously, I put myself on the line for him and I don't want to see him busted."

The disappointment over not getting to experience being high was as short-lived as the high would have been. Band after band played, everything from classic rock to black metal to hip-hop to country to electronica. Wanna know a secret? I love it all. Funk. Opera. Gangsta rap. Can't get enough music. Why limit yourself to just one kind?

All in all, you couldn't ask for a better day. The Pacific Northwest weather was actually cooperating for once, the food was plentiful as was the music, and the company had been pleasant. Even Wolfgang had begun to integrate into the group. Occasionally, someone would break off; Helga had at one point run off to get Jealousy Jenkins (of Raid on Bungeling Bay fame)'s autograph, and Rani had left to find the bathroom, Stinky insisting on escorting her. If anyone noticed that they looked a bit disheveled when they got back, or that Stinky had a badly-wiped mark on his face the same color as Rani's lipstick, nobody cared to comment on it; if Gloria could play, than so could Stinky.

Things took a surprising turn when two women drifted close. One had long blond hair with a single lock dyed royal blue, the other a brown pixie cut and freckles.

"You sure, Blue Note?" Pixie was asking her companion. "We go on in fifteen minutes!"

"'Fraid so, Lunes," Blue Streak replied, rubbing her wrist. "I tried resting it, I tried that salve your little sister sent… I thought I'd be 100% by now, but it still hasn't healed. There is no way I can play with this sprained wrist."

"Bummer, babe," Pixie replied. "Well, it's a shame we'll have to cancel our set, but the important thing is that you get better."

"Still, I hate to let the band down like this. If you could find a replacement…"

"You can't always get what you want. It's not like we could find a replacement on fifteen minutes' notice…"

"Uh… excuse me!" Rhonda interrupted, flagging them down. "I couldn't help but overhear your conversation. If you're looking for a guitar player, our friend Lila would fit the bill very nicely."

"Is that true?" Pixie, who I had just recognized and was in the early stages of possible freak-out, asked.

"Y-you're Luna Loud," I stammered.

"Pleased t'meetcha, glad you guessed my name," she replied genially. "So… can you really play guitar?"

"Um… well, not professionally… I don't even own a guitar, actually… but yes, I can play."

"Cool… you gonna be all right on stage?"

"Sure, no problem, I've performed before… not music, but I was in a professional stage production or two. An audience won't be a problem."

"Looks like if you try sometimes, you might find you get what you need," Blue Streak, who Inow recognized as the band's rhythm guitarist, Sam Sharpe, commented, giving Luna a playful love punch with her good fist.

"All right, Lila… wow, can't believe Mom and Dad never got around to using that one… we'll be ready for you on Bandstand 3 in ten minutes."

The sheer coincidentality of this series of events should probably have been some kind of red flag, but at the moment I was completely overwhelmed by the excitement. In mere minutes, I would be up onstage, performing with a real band, at one of the biggest musical events on the West Coast, in front of an audience of thousands. On my birthday. What were the odds?

I was ushered up onstage by a beefy roadie with a Cockney accent, and an electric guitar was thrust into my hands. As my right hand cradled the neck and my left settled into position on the strings, I was on top of the world.

"We're gonna start with 'Play it Loud'" Luna advised. "Just follow the band's lead, and, oh… happy birthday."

"W-wha?" I looked down, for the first time, at the instrument that had been thrust upon me and immediately realized why it felt so natural in my hands.

Cheryl.

"This whole thing was a set-up, wasn't it," I whispered.

"You've got some real good friends," Sam said, giving me a thumbs-up with her "bad" hand.

The set lasted about forty-five minutes. We played a number of the Moths' orignals, as well as some covers… Mick Swagger's "Contentment", Duke Thinwhite's "Alterations", and Empress's "Get Out of our Way". I could safely say that, at this moment, in this place, this was the greatest feeling of my life. Certainly a better high than any cannabis-spiked piece of candy could have provided."

"Thank you, Hillwood!" Luna shouted to the crowd as we (we!) finished our last number. "Just a quick shout-out to Lila Sawyer here, who filled in for Sam on rhythm guitar today. If I have to say so myself, she totally shook our foundations. So let's all make some noise for the girl of the hour!"

The high that I didn't think could get any bigger ballooned as thousands chanted my name. Is this what it felt like all the time?"

"Thank you," I said. "I just hope it isn't downhill from here…"

"Not if you keep chasing your dream. You lose your dream, you lose your mind." Luna said, a reassuring hand on my shoulder. "Life don't have to be unkind."

The gang practically carried me back to our encampment, plus Cheryl, who was of course mine to keep. Despite my barely contained joy, I still had a bit of a bone to pick.

"I thought I told you not to buy me the guitar, Rhonda," I scolded. "Not 'Buy me the guitar and concoct an elaborate ruse with an up-and-coming rock star to present it to me on stage and give me the opportunity to perform in front of a cheering crowd. How much did this cost you?"

"I'm innocent this time, honest," Rhonda pleaded, hands in surrender pose. "Yeah, it was my idea to get you the guitar, but the whole gang chipped in to pay for it. We were going to just give you the guitar outright, but then…

Helga then picked up the story, filling in what happened next…

Two Weeks ago

Upper Hillwood Community Center

-HELGA-

"Okay, I guess this is where I tell you to… keep breathing?" I sorta sat there awkwardly while Olga lay there on the gym matt, head propped up, huffing rhythmically.

"Sorry to ruin your day, baby sis, but Taylor had a last minute meeting, something about a big investor, and he had to drop out of our Lamaze session. I would've just cancelled but my due date is getting pretty close and I need the practice."

"Beats doing nothing," I replied. "I just wish I was better at this."

"You're doing fine, sis. I'm pretty sure I'll be doing most of the work, anyway."

"Yeah, I'm feeling kinda superfluous. Mind if I check my texts?"

"Not at all, I think I've got this."

I took out my phone. One new message. "Don't forget to chip in for Lila's guitar…"

"What about Lila?" Olga asked. I must've mumbled something out loud or something. I kinda forget she and Lila have some kind of surrogate sister relationship sometimes… "I don't think I've seen her since the wedding." Lila was, natch, a bridesmaid at the wedding along with this Deb chick Olga met while working for Bridget and a couple of old college friends. I, of course, was Maid of Honor, my second time in the role, repetitively. "It's been hard to stay in touch with everything going on."

"Oh, it's no big deal. She's turning 17 in a couple of weeks so we're all chipping I to get her a guitar she's had her eye on. We're going to surprise her with it at Humdinga, since her birthday falls out on the Saturday in the middle of the festival."

"You know, my friend Lori – you know, she used to be with me in Bridget's group, now she's a pro golfer – anyway, her sister is playing the festival. I was going to go, but in my condition…" She suddenly snapped her fingers. "Well, if I can't be there, the least I can do is make my Litte Sis's birthday memorable. When we get out of here, I'm gonna make some calls."

"Olga.. just what are you planning?"

"You'll see…"

-LILA-

"So, yeah, when I said I was going to get Jealousy Jenkins' autograph, what I was really doing was meeting with Luna and Sam to nail down the final arrangements," Helga concluded. "So, anyway, yeah, this is all Olga's doing."

"Gosh," I said, "I wish she could've been here so I could thank her…"

"Don't worry about that," Helga replied. "All she wanted was to get to see the show in some way. Brainy set up Rhonda's phone so she was able to livestream the whole thing.. Plus you'll probably be all over the Internet tomorrow anyway."

"… I really don't know what to say. I know Olga basically set everything in motion, but really, it took all of you to pull it all together. I couldn't ask for a better group of friends."

"Jeez, you don't have to get all gushy about it. It-" Her usual attempt to downplay her kindness (I honestly don't know why she's still so defensive about being seen as nice, it's not like any of us still thinks she's mean anymore) was interrupted by her phone going off. "Hello? Oh, I was wondering when you'd call, Football-Head. Yeah, she's here right now. You know, she finally got her own phone, you could have just called her directly…" Sudden blush. "Yeah, well, free country, I guess. Hey, Lila, phone call," she said, handing it over.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Lila…" Arnold said on the other end. "Helga told me what they were planning for you, so… how was it?"

"To be perfectly honest… it was quite literally the most amazing moment of my llfe."

"Yeah, I could tell. I got to watch the whole thing on Rhonda's livestream. I'm just sorry I couldn't be there in person."

"I know… school won't be the same without you… or Patty… or Harold… or Eugene… and this is Phoebe's last year, probably… Heh, listen to me. This is supposed to be a happy day, I can't bring myself down like this."

"Well, I should be back for the holidays, at least. We'll see everyone then, all right? It'll be fine."

We exchanged a few last pleasantries before he hung up. The awkwardness that was once there was long gone. Frankly, it hadn't even crossed my mind that we were both single now and he hadn't made any sort of move.

Eventually, the day drifted to a close. Daddy was coming by to pick me up, and the time had come to say farewell and pack my things. I picked up my guitar, back in its case, and was trying to figure out the most comfortable way to pick up the amp when Wolfgang, of all people came to my rescue.

"Why don't I help you with that?" he offered.

I was about to protest – I could have carried both, even with my nerfed human-mode strength, but it would be awkward, so who was I to turn down an offer of help? "Thanks," I said.

"No prob," he said. "The guys told me it was you who gave the okay for me t come to this thing."

"Oh, right," I said. "Well, I figured you deserved a fresh start with everyone. Besides, you've never really bothered me…"

"Well, yeah," he said. "That's 'cause I thought you were kinda cute."

"Y-you did?" I asked, blushing.

"Well, actually, that's not entirely true…"

"Oh," I said. He must've been kidding.

"Yeah… I still think you're kinda cute," he said, hefting the amp and walking ahead as I could only stand there and try to process it.

A. N.: I know I've done some unorthodox pairings, but… this one surprised even me. I knew I wanted to start integrating Wolfgang more into the group, but I was looking for a way to do it organically, and then this chapter came along, and one thing just sort of grew into another, and suddenly, I'm thinking… why not put Lila and Wolfgang together? He's trying to overcome his bad boy past and become a better person, she's trying to get over her perfection complex and express her inner self… they could be great for each other. So… what do you guys think? Am I crazy, or could there be something here? Let me know!

Luna Loud and Sam Sharpe (and Chunk) are © Nickelodeon and Viacom. I established in the original "Body Issues" that Olga knows Lori, so this doesn't come completely out of nowhere.

Jose: Yes, I'm sure Bridget's people are on top of that as we speak.

Veganmama: People always underestimate Rhonda's intelligence. Being a fashion nut doesn't necessarily make one dumb.

Next: Back to School