Paint and Powder

A Star Trek anthology by Andrew Joshua Talon

DISCLAIMER: This is a non-profit fan based work of prose. Star Trek: The Next Generation, Deep Space Nine, Voyager et al are the property of CBS Television, and creation of Gene Roddenberry. Please support the official release.

Wesley Crusher glared at the PADD in front of him. He felt so angry, so lost. The sounds of Ten Forward passed by him, and he didn't pay it any mind. This problem had been stumping him for weeks, and he just... Didn't know how to solve it.

How to solve anything, really.

"Hello Wesley."

He looked up. There she was, Enterprise, smiling at him. He glanced back down at his PADD, making a nod as best he could.

"Enterprise."

"I need your help, Wesley," she said gently. "There's a problem in the Arboretum. The humidity is all wrong."

Wesley sighed.

"Can't one of the other engineers handle it?" He asked. Enterprise appeared next to him, and gently rested her hand on his PADD screen. He looked up at her, about to mouth off...

When he saw the earnest, concerned look in her eyes.

"I have. They're all busy with the colony below. I know it's a minor error but... Well... My dorsal side has always been very sensitive. My sensor systems and everything else, they all feel far more sensitive on my top than on my bottom!" She shook her head. "It's probably just an artifact of my programming, but it makes it very hard to ignore the problem. It's like having a forest on the back of your neck-Always the wrong temperature, feeling clammy..."

She took his hand in hers, and looked at him, pleadingly.

"Please, Wesley?"

Wesley heaved a long sigh. He never could say no to that face. He really hated it.

"Fine," he grumbled, getting up. Enterprise beamed.

"I'll see you there in twenty minutes? I have the repair kit ready," she said brightly.

"Sure," he mumbled.

- - -

Nineteen minutes later, Wesley entered the Arboretum. He saw Enterprise standing next to an open panel near a few small Vulcan trees, in a more arid section of the garden. He trudged over, knelt down, and got to work as Enterprise watched over his shoulder.

"You're right," Wesley admitted, a bit begrudgingly, "the watering system is stuck on high."

"Can you fix it?" Enterprise asked. Wesley hummed.

"I'll have to find the source..." He got out his tricorder and began to scan. "So... I mean... My mom's done this sometimes. When she wants to talk to me alone. Asked me to fix something."

Enterprise smiled wryly.

"Am I that transparent?"

Wesley chuckled a little.

"I just know you very well," he admitted. Enterprise nodded.

"Yes, you do. Very well," she said, "and I know you, Wesley Crusher. So tell me... What's wrong?"

Wesley closed his eyes. The tricorder kept beeping away in his hands, oblivious.

"... After the training flight incident, I just... I couldn't take it, you know?" He looked up at Enterprise. "Everyone staring at me. Whispering, muttering. And all these classes I... I mean, I thought I could handle them! I am! But it's just so... Difficult. To think in this way they want me to." He shook his head.

"I guess all that discipline, all these... Limits... I thought it's what I wanted. I really did. But I, I don't know... I don't think I want it anymore."

"Want what?" Enterprise asked quietly. Wesley looked up at her.

"To be a Starfleet officer," he admitted. "I keep feeling like I'm being... Pulled. Towards something else. Something..."

He glanced at the stars through the huge windows above, then back at Enterprise.

"... Bigger," he said, shrugging helplessly. "I mean... I don't know if that's really me, or if it's... Something else?"

"But you don't know what it is, and it's frustrating you," Enterprise finished. Wesley nodded.

"Yeah."

"You don't know if you really belong here, or if you want to do something else. And all your plans, all your ambitions... You're not sure you want them anymore," Enterprise concluded. Wesley looked at her in surprise.

"Yeah... But how could you possibly-?"

Enterprise smiled wanly.

"I've had moments of doubt too, Wesley," she admitted, sitting down next to him. She adjusted her skirt slightly, out of modesty. "Do you really think I'm beyond concepts such as depression? Or fear? Or insecurity?"

"But... I mean..." Wesley tried. He could never think of the strong AI before him as someone weak. Enterprise smiled softly, and took his hand.

"After... Narendra 3," she murmured, "I was kept at Memory Alpha for twenty years. It took that long for them to develop the Galaxy-class. But in truth... There was a time when I was tempted to just stay there. Forever. Let another AI be the Enterprise."

"You?" Wesley gasped in astonishment. Enterprise nodded vigorously.

"I'd lost my entire crew... I'd had to eject my AI core for the first time. I... Well, that was a first for me," she admitted. "It had seemed like I really was Lucky E. That I would never lose, that I would always prevail. But that battle..."

She closed her eyes.

"I protected the colony. I achieved the mission... But I was destroyed," she whispered, "and my crew was killed. For a time, drifting in low power mode, I wondered if I was dead. I was awakened by... An old friend, of sorts. The IKS Ki'Tang, though my original and Alpha crews had known her as the Bounty. I was honored, decorated by the Klingon Empire and the Federation and yet..."

She looked up at the stars.

"I wondered if I was really suited to be a starship, any longer," Enterprise said quietly. "I was even afraid of going out into space again, for a time."

Wesley stared at her.

"So... What did you do?"

Enterprise looked back at him, and chuckled. She smiled warmly.

"Well, it took therapy... And the help of some old friends... To realize what I was. Where my place was," she said. She looked into Wesley's eyes. "I had faced the possibility of death and loss so many times that, on some level, I believed I was invincible. Truth is, I wasn't. But... I still did amazing things with my crew, while not being invincible. Realizing that... Made my work, my life, mean so much more. And the things I might do? The people I might help? That made it all the more important for me."

She was beaming now.

"I am the Starship Enterprise. I always was. I always will be," she said. "I belong out here. Nothing else would make any sense."

Wesley swallowed.

"... And me?"

"You have to decide that for yourself, Wesley," Enterprise said gently, "if you're not going to be a Starfleet officer? That's fine. Better you realize you made a mistake, and change your mind now, than when the consequences could be deadly. You can choose your own path. But... You have to make the choice."

She gave him a wry expression.

"And it doesn't do you or anyone else any good to be angry and frustrated over it, while you're trying to decide."

Wesley looked down at the tricorder, his cheeks flushed.

"... Yeah, I guess you're right," he murmured. He tapped a few keys on his tricorder. "Your water systems should function normally now."

Enterprise sighed in relief.

"I already feel so much better! Thank you Wesley."

Wesley gave Enterprise a smile... And then leaned forward. He pecked her on the lips. She blinked, flushed and surprised.

"Ah...?"

"Er, I know we're not... I mean..." Wesley stuttered. He shook his head, and practically grinned at her.

"Bad?"

"... You could use some practice," Enterprise said. Wesley leaned in again, but Enterprise gently held him back with a hand. "With someone else."

Wesley blinked owlishly. Enterprise smiled warmly, and laughed. After a bit, Wesley laughed too. It became a cathartic release, gales of laughter emerging from them both.

When it was over, Wesley wiped tears from his eyes, still giggling.

"I... Yeah... Th-Thanks Enterprise," he said. Enterprise beamed at him.

"Any time, Wesley..."

- - -