TW: Post divorce themes

"Jake..." Connie sat down next to her son and folded her hands. She stared at the crimson carpet in front of her with a dull, wistful look. "...Listen, I am not mad at you. But I am very worried." She lifted her chin and glanced at her son. "Why do you keep doing this?"

The young boy stared at her in silence, not sure what to say. He finished the last piece of cookie and began to sweep away the crumbs that had fallen on his sweatshirt with his fingers. "What do you mean?" He had a wrinkled expression on his face. He wasn't sure what his mom was asking him. "Doing what?"

"You know what I mean, Jake. Why-... why do you never listen to what I say. Why you keep doing what I ask you not to. I don't understand why you always feel the need to break the rules, to do what you aren't supposed to do. Why do you keep vandalizing that inspector's yard?" She let out a deep sigh.

"Well..." Jake shrugged. "...because it's fun." He absentmindedly circled his finger around the rim of the empty glass he was holding.

"That's it? Just fun? Can't you find something else to do? Why exactly that? Why not something harmless?" Connie briefly waved her hands in the air, as if to highlight her frustration. "Do you like me to worry about you? Is it supposed to be some kind of cry for help? Am I not giving you enough love?"

Jake widened his eyes. "What?" he exclaimed, quite incredulous. "Mom, what are you saying? You are the best mom in the world, I already told you that! Why would I ever want to worry you?" The boy crossed his arms and looked away from her. "I really mean it. It's fun. I like to express myself. I like the smell of the fresh paint, the sound of the spray can. I like to give attention to every little detail. It makes me feel... alive, it lights an inner fire inside of me. I like to leave a trace of my presence in this boring city. It's not my fault if that old fart doesn't want me to. Why is it a crime? I am not ruining anything! I am just putting some colour on some anonymus walls and old subway carriages!" His voice was slowly getting louder and louder. Jake finally looked back at his mother and observed her with a hard expression of mild contempt. "Not everything is about you, you know. But sorry to be such a bother to you."

"Jake!" Connie couldn't believe her ears. "What is that supposed to mean? I never said you were a bother!" she started to feel frustrated at the situation. Why did Jake never make an effort to communicate his feelings without immediately turning aggressive? "Stop victimizing yourself, please. Because, yes. I get it. It's very fun to litter the city with your paint and to force a gentleman to run after you. But you know, not everything is about you either."

Jake suddenly stood up and harshly put the glass on a wooden coffee table in front of him "LITTER the city? Are my graffiti just "litter" to you?!" His voice broke for a moment. "THAT'S what I meant when I said that I am just an inconvenience for you! You just want me to be a good boy, to stay calm and do what YOU want! Well, guess what? I am my own person and I do whatever I want!"

Connie couldn't help but stand up as well. "How can you say or even think something like that, Jake! I do not make the rules, if something is NOT allowed, you simply DO NOT do it! It's the basic rule to live in a civil society! What if one day one of your friends asks you to sell drugs in the streets? You just do it because it's "fun"? You are lucky that the inspector never sued us!" She tried to take the glass from the table, but for a moment it almost slipped of her hand. She took a deep breath as she shakily put it back on the table. A strong twinge of pain suddenly came from her belly. Her stomach felt like it was full of acid and little needles inside. She knew that sensation way too well. Anxiety. Worry. Guilt. Shame. All concentrated in her body. The woman slowly sat back on the couch and clenched her trembling fists.

Jake didn't reply, he simply shrugged and purposefully stared at at the most far away point from her for a while. He held his own left arm tightly with his right arm, trying to hold inside all the tears that were threatening to burst out. "Please keep my friends out of this." He simply stated after a while, in a hushed voice. "Or you disapprove them too? Shall I change friends to be a good citizen, huh?"

"I am sorry." Connie sighed deeply as she stared at her knees, ashamed of losing her patience. "I am so sorry Jake. This is not what I meant. I am just... so worried about you. I feel like we have lost the connection we had a long time ago. I feel like you are distant... you hide things from me, you keep disobeying me and you even started to sneak out of the house. Not once, but twice! In the middle of the night, Jake! Do you have any vague idea of what could happen to a minor alone in the streets of a big city?" She shook her head. "I would NEVER forgive myself if something bad would happen to you, Jake. I know that you are young and want to have fun with your friends. But you cannot put yourself in danger like that. The inspector said he saw a suspicious man, did you interact with him in any way?" She gently sniffed and wiped a tear away from her left cheek.

"...Mom..." seeing his mother cry suddenly made all his anger fade away. He felt guilty for making her so sad. "I am sorry..." He sat down next to her and hugged her from the side, hiding his face in her pajamas. "I am sorry for yelling. Please don't cry. I love you." He slowly shook his head. "No, I didn't. I barely saw him from afar."

Connie welcomed her son in a warm embrace and lovingly removed the cap from his head to place a kiss on his scruffy hair. "I love you too, my sweet baby. You are not a bother. You are the most important thing in my life. I would give mine to make you happy. But please. Talk to me. I would feel much better if I would know exactly how you feel."

"I feel..." Jake moved his head to face his mother. "... Empty. Sad. I feel like my life doesn't really have a clear purpose, you know? I find joy in my art, skating, my friends, in the risk of getting caught. And with you, of course. But sometimes I feel I am useless. All my friends... They all seem so intelligent and talented. Tricky is an amazing dancer. Yutani is a genius. Fresh has such a good personality and a good taste in music and he is an amazing skater. I feel like... that besides my ability to cause chaos, I am nothing. I don't know." tears started to slide down his reddened cheeks. "I feel like that if I have been a better child, dad wouldn't have left." His voice was muffled by his own tears.

Connie hugged him tighter, almost as if she wanted to shield him from all the negativity and the sadness that seemed to weight her son down. "Oh Jake... Please never think for a second that what happened between your dad and I has anything to do with you. It was never your fault. Never. It was our choice, our problems. You always been a light in our life. Even if your dad cannot see you as often as before, he is so proud of you and loves you so much. Trust me." She slowly caressed the boy's hair, trying to bring some peace into his heart. "You are more than enough. You are funny, sweet, athletic - because yes, it's not so easy to escape from a trained guard!" She let out a soft laugh. "You are creative and smart. You are an excellent skater and I am sure that if you keep pursuing your passion with art, you will archive something great."

Jake laughed back when he saw his mother smile. "Heh, yes. He even started taking pilates classes you know? So now he is even faster." His eyes seemed to sparkle more and more with each compliment, as if his mom's words were filling him with hope and determination. "Thank you, mom. I love you so much. You are the best." He wiped away his own tears as a smile lighted up his face. "Do you think that I could take some art classes?"

His mother smiled fondly "Of course, sweetheart. Maybe... you could start talking with a therapist about your feelings, what do you think? They can really help you."

Jake shook his head and let out a loud huff "No no thanks mom. No headshrinkers. I am feeling much better now. Talking to you was the best therapy." He stood up from the couch and slowly stepped towards his room.

"Still. It's not okay to feel so empty and sad all the time." She stood up and finally managed to pick up the glass and bring it to the kitchen. "I cannot force you, but please at least think about it, okay? There is no shame in asking for help. And don't say no just to be lazy, I know you. Your mental health is as much as important as your physical one."

"I will think about it, I promise. But really. I am fine, I was just being a bit dramatic." He turned back to look at his mom with a sweet smile. "Goodnight, mom. Thank you."

Connie smiled back softly. "Goodnight my baby. And don't sneak out again, please. Promise?"

"Promise". Replied Jack, before closing the door of his room. Connie let out a deep sigh, feeling already much better physically and mentally. At the same time, she couldn't help but keep on thinking of what her son just told her. She promised to herself to keep a closer eye on him. Last thing she wanted for him was to fight against some kind of depression or mental health issue alone. To keep herself occupied, she began to silently clean the kitchen and part of the living room. She was tired, but she did not sleep that night.