Paint and Powder

A Star Trek anthology by Andrew Joshua Talon

DISCLAIMER: This is a non-profit fan based work of prose. Star Trek: The Next Generation, Deep Space Nine, Voyager et al are the property of CBS Television, and creation of Gene Roddenberry. Please support the official release.

Enterprise: "Qpid"

Q has transported the crew of the Enterprise-D into a fantasy of Robin Hood, with Captain Picard as the titular character. And Vash is Maid Marian.

Worf: "Sir, I must protest-I am not a merry man!"

From some bushes, Enterprise's voice issues forth.

Enterprise: "Trust me, Worf, it could be worse. Much worse."

Worf: "How?!"

And a white mare trots up, with purple eyes and Enterprise's favorite hat atop her head.

Riker: "... Oh..."

Worf: "Enterprise?"

Enterprise: "Eeyup... That's me."

Worf: "You... Are a horse."

Enterprise: "Brilliant deduction."

Data: "A talking horse."

Enterprise: "It just keeps getting better..."

Picard: "I... Are you all right?"

Enterprise: Far, far too cheerfully "Oh I'm fine! Just fine and dandy..."

Troi is edging away from Horse!Enterprise.

Geordi: "Are... You sure you're okay?"

Enterprise: "Oh I'm just plotting all the ways I will get even with Q when we get out of this. I'm making a list-If it was print, it would be parsecs long."

Riker: "He's basically a god."

Enterprise: Eyes practically glowing in her rage "I've killed gods before and I'll definitely kill again. COUNT ON IT."

Riker: "Ahem..." Slowly backs away "Captain, I believe your noble steed awaits."

Picard: "Oh no, Number One, after you. That's been your fantasy, after all."

Riker: "This is your fantasy, sir, not mine..."

When Vash betrays them to the Sheriff of Nottingham...

Enterprise: "Wow. You sure know how to pick 'em, Captain."

Picard: sigh "I am well aware, Enterprise."

Enterprise: "I mean, a mercenary, sure, I get that. But she's so dumb!"

Vash: "I'm not dumb! I'm a survivor! I do what I can to survive!"

Enterprise: "And now you're going to be hung with the rest of us. Great job. I would clap sarcastically but, you know..."

Vash: "I don't need to take this from some two bit horse-!"

Enterprise bites her twice.

Vash: "OW!"

Enterprise: "You asked for it!"

Picard: "Ladies, please..."

Eventually though, Picard's crew saves the day, and Q returns everyone back home. In Picard's ready room though...

Q: "I must admit, Jean Luc, she's quite feisty for a human!"

Vash: "Mind taking me along? It would be the adventure of a lifetime."

Q: "And Flattering, too!"

Vash: "Don't push it."

Q: "Hmph. Well Picard, I offered you a request in return for keeping me alive when I was mortal. What will it be?"

Picard: "Keep Vash safe on your travels. And that should be enough..."

Q: "Such a romantic."

Picard: "Bon voyage, Vash."

Vash: "You too, Jean Luc."

Q and Vash vanish... And Riker enters the ready room.

Riker: "Q gone, sir?"

Picard: "Yes, and Vash. Perhaps Q trying to do us a favor, in his own way."

Riker: "Maybe he can learn restraint."

Enterprise appears, scowling.

Enterprise: "Frankly, I didn't learn a thing and I'm glad that's over with."

Riker: "Heh. Suppose I can't argue with that."

Picard: "Oh?"

Riker: "It is, after all, straight from the horse's mouth."

A long silence ensues.

Enterprise: cheerfully "Commander Riker?"

Riker: "Yes Enterprise?"

Enterprise: "When you go to sleep tonight? ... Don't go to sleep tonight."

Just some fun...