CHAPTER 4:
Letting Off Steam

Trunks lay in bed that evening, trying to review in his mind all the events that had happened that day. He sat up and looked out the window seeing nothing but stars. At one point, those stars had represented adventure and freedom. At first, he had been a little reluctant to leave the Earth, especially when he found out Goten wasn't coming along, but after he helped Pan get over the homesickness phase, the grand tour ended up having its really great moments. The only problems were the bad moments. And they seemed to be coming even more frequently these days.

He gently pushed his covers aside and carefully stepped over Goku, avoiding Pan's hammock above them as he got out of bed. What he needed was a stroll to really think things over. He inched along in the darkness, trying his best not to trip on any of Pan's junk on the floor. He reached into the open closet and felt around for a clean outfit. After a few seconds of probing, he realized there was an outfit at the very back of the closet that had an odd texture. He could have sworn it was jeans, but he didn't pack any jeans for the trip. Hmm, maybe Pan's clothes ended up in my closet somehow? When he exited the room and got a better look at the outfit he chose, he realized he was holding an old outfit of his that his mother made for him when he was younger, but he only wore it once before he concluded it wasn't his style. He smiled to himself, thinking it'd be nice to try a different outfit on. He had been wearing the same suit attire for the past year.

After getting dressed and looking himself in the mirror, however, he made a face. To this day, he could not say that a black tank top, jean jacket and Capsule Corp. logo on his sleeve, were in any way his style. I'm way too old for this outfit... I feel like I need a motorcycle to balance out my image. He thought it would be a shame, though, if he stuffed it away in the closet again only to be lost for another ten years. Maybe I can donate it to Pan and see if she'll modify it to her liking. She might like the jacket.

Pan.

In his one attempt to humor himself, he had successfully driven her out of his thoughts for a few minutes, but once again, his mind was on her again. He sighed and closed the closet doors. He needed the walk right now, even though he felt a little overdressed. A sound behind him made him jump to his feet and spin around.

"T-Trunks!" Goku rubbed his eyes sleepily, "Wow, that outfit still looks great on you. It's been a while since I've seen you in that."

"A while?" Trunks gave him a confused look. "You actually remember me wearing this before? I'm surprised." He shook his head, changing his thought. "In any case, Goku, I'm glad you're awake. May I talk with you in private somewhere?"

Goku nodded to him. "Sure, Trunks. I can tell something's up. The fact that you're wearing that outfit is significant enough. And then you tell me that you can't get used to seeing me in a younger form."

"What are you talking about, Goku? You can't appreciate me in jeans?" Trunks raised his eyebrow to Goku as he began to climb the ladder exiting the ship.

"No, no. Never mind. So, Trunks, what did you want to talk about?"

Goku flew down, not even bothering with the ladder, and landed beside Trunks on the grass.

"I guess I just wanted to talk. About everything; about nothing. I feel like I'm bottling something up inside me, and I need to get it out, but I'm not sure what it is, and I don't have anyone else I can talk to." Trunks started walking away from the ship, looking up at the stars. To the east, a faint green light on the horizon indicated the planet would be rising soon.

Goku followed him in silence. He was thinking of hundreds of things to say, but he felt as if Trunks should be the first one to speak. Although he felt he wouldn't be much help to Trunks, he could perhaps support him and help his confidence. Trunks had been really down since the previous afternoon when he found out he had to marry Pan.

Trunks suddenly stopped and sat down on the grass, motioning for Goku to join him.

"Goku," Trunks started, but found it hard to continue his sentence. He tried it again, "Goku, it's weird for me to say this, or think this. And I've never actually talked openly about it." Goku nodded to Trunks, inviting him to continue. "Goku, to put it bluntly, I guess, I am afraid of marriage."

"Afraid?" Goku's eyebrows knotted in a frown. "Why?"

"I don't know. Maybe it's because I don't want to have a relationship like the one my father and mother have. And I don't have to worry about being a bad father one day, and I don't have to fear getting my heart broken if things don't work out. When I was younger, the idea of a marriage was a lot more romantic to me, but nowadays, I feel I'd be a horrible match for a woman. I think that my pride would get in the way."

Goku laughed at this. "Your pride? Is that what your problem is? How about you just tell the girl how you feel about her right off the bat, so you never have to worry about pride getting in the way of your feelings? You may be surprised... although she may seem a little much to handle, I know she's going to be a beautiful lady when she's older. And to tell the truth, you two –"

"Goku, I'm not talking about Pan!" Trunks felt his frustration increasing. "You know what, Goku, I am not sure if I really want to talk about this anymore. I wanted to take a walk to get my mind off of Pan for a moment, but I feel like talking to you will only spur me to talk about her, and I may say some things I'll regret later."

"Why would you regret them? Don't you like Pan? I really thought you felt otherwise."

"Goku, listen, you aren't a matchmaker. At first, your comments about us were cute, laughable, and I could easily shrug them off my shoulder. After a while, they began to get embarrassing, and now that it's HAPPENING, where I'm being forced to marry her, it's not funny anymore." Trunks folded his arms and looked away from Goku, trying to hide the scowl on his face.

"Trunks, listen, if you are angry just because you feel you are being forced to marry her, versus marrying her of your own free will, don't worry about it. In the end, your lives will be happy no matter what." Goku stood and walked right next to Trunks.

Trunks had enough. He stood up, and began to walk away from Goku and back toward the ship. After several strides, he stopped, and turned around, seething in anger, with his hair beginning to flash gold. "No, Goku, you listen. I think Pan is a spoiled brat! I think she's selfish and stubborn, self-centered, naïve, young, immature, arrogant, loud, and audacious! That's how I feel about her. Be mad at me all you want for feeling that way, but I knew she meant trouble the second we found her as a stowaway."

"Trunks, I just think you need to calm down..."

"How can I be calm! My wedding is tomorrow. I'm 28. She's 14, and I CAN'T STAND HER! I can't even imagine myself with her, in 50 years or 100. It'll never happen. I can accept the fact that it's all a façade to get the dragonball, but I can't take any more of your hints that she and I will be together after this tour is over! Just QUIT IT."

Goku suddenly looked stricken and sad. Trunks had rarely seen Goku look so depressed before, and powered down with worry that he may have gone a little overboard with his temper. "Goku, I'm sorry. I didn't mean everything I said about –" Trunks cut himself off, noticing that Goku wasn't looking at him, but what was behind him.

"You... BASTARD..." he heard the voice at his back. His hairs stood on end as he turned around and saw a tear-stained face of Pan in the planet light.

"Pan..."

"Why can't you just say it to my face then, Trunks? Say it straight to my face that you hate me!"

Trunks started to feel sick, "Pan, I don't hate you..." He started shaking for some reason, and didn't understand why. "Pan, I don't... I don't hate you."

"I get it," Pan spat at him, "You'd rather marry GOTEN, huh? Is that what this is all about, how you can't stand that I came instead of your boyfriend?"

"Pan..." He understood her spite and started to feel dizzy. My Kami, she heard what I said about her. But I didn't mean it. I didn't mean all of it. I was just so angry... Trunks covered his face with his left hand, trying to take any last moments to regain his composure in front of her, but too ashamed to actually look at her.

"Pan," Goku said to her. "Can I talk with you a minute?"

"Sure, Grandpa, anything to get away from Trunks."

As the two walked off, Trunks stood there, thinking to himself. I didn't mean all of it. But what of it didn't I mean? I said she was selfish and audacious and arrogant... It's all true. But I didn't mean the tone which I said it in. How will Pan ever trust my friendship again? He ran his left hand through his hair, and looked over to where Pan was crying and Goku was tying to comfort her. "I made her cry..." he thought aloud to himself. She had just cried a few weeks ago when she thought he died on M2, when his metal encasing shattered. Before that, she hadn't cried since the second month of the trip, when she was blasted with sand on that desert planet they had been on. She cried only three times during the entire trip, and twice of those times were over him. He felt even more sick.

He looked over to Pan and Goku again and tried to imagine Pan being older. What if Pan were as old as he, would he be feeling as sick about the wedding? Would he take it as seriously? More seriously? Right now, he felt like he'd do just about anything to make her happy again, including marrying her twenty times over if it got her to smile, but he knew in the morning, when she'd be up to her old self again, he'd rethink that idea. He wasn't going to marry her out of pity. It would be for the dragonball. They'd already been on this moon far too long. The sooner they'd leave, the quicker this would be over.

He realized, with a bit of his father's smirk, that he actually achieved what he came out here for. He wanted to vent out his feelings and mentally prepare himself for tomorrow. He didn't want to be feeling regrets at the altar. He felt ready for anything at this point, and it was crossing his mind that he was beginning to look forward to the wedding. It'd be a nice experience for him. He just wished that his bride would be feeling the same confidence.

He looked over to them again. Pan was still sniffling and Goku was saying something to her while patting her back. He felt a pang of jealousy for Pan, that she could have a fatherly figure like that, even though Goku was younger than her now, from both her grandfather and Gohan. Trunks never was able to open himself up when he was growing up. His father never talked to him that way, and his mother never could understand what he was feeling. She'd always take any of his worries personally, and try to do her best to remedy the problem herself, versus letting him handle things on his own.

He thought of how Goku was smiling this afternoon when he realized Trunks would be his new grandson. I would make a bet that Gohan would be expressing that same smile, for some reason. That family could never take anything seriously. That's what his mother loved about Goku, how he was so free-spirited. There were even times when he had a disturbing thought, that his mother found comfort in his father, in the early days, only because he and Goku had the same heritage, and it was his mother's only way of substituting someone instead of Goku. He knew for a fact that his father was beyond intolerable back then, and nobody would really understand why she had the patience to put up with him when she was just as bad, herself. He just had this feeling that she never made her move on Goku earlier in life because he was too young, and because she was too proud to face her feelings. Because of that, she ended up losing him forever to Chi Chi.

How old was Goku when he married Chi Chi, anyway? He heard somewhere that he was sixteen, which was relatively young. My goodness...if Goku was sixteen, that would have made mother in her late twenties... For some reason, he felt as if he were experiencing a deja-vu. He glanced over to Pan and Goku again, where he noted Pan was doing much better, and even seemed to be smiling at her grandfather.

He took a few breaths, and looked again. This time, she was looking at him. "I need to talk to her. I can't let what I said go unexplained," he held his breath, and began walking over to the two. To his surprise, they started walking toward him, too. When they met, Goku was the one to speak first, "I'm going to go to bed and get a little more sleep. Goodnight you two." And he began to walk toward the ship. Trunks turned to Pan, thinking she might try to avoid him by following her grandfather, but she stood fast. Trunks took a breath to say something, but Pan interrupted.

"Why in the world are you wearing that, Trunks? I didn't get a chance to ask you that before."

Trunks was a little taken aback by her comment. He blinked, "What?"

"That outfit. You in jeans. That's a funny sight!" She covered her mouth as she emitted quiet laughter. "I mean, don't get me wrong, you look great. It's just that I've never seen you in jeans before."

"Yes, you have. I used to wear them all the time when you were younger. I don't even think I owned khakis when I was in college."

"Yeah, well, Mirai Trunks' outfit was definitely not a common outfit in your wardrobe, nevertheless."

"What are you talking about? He wore jeans?"

"No, you Baka! When I was helping Bulma pack for you, she showed me that outfit and told me that your future self used to wear that. I told her to pack it just in case, but I never thought you'd actually wear it!"

He was wearing his other self's outfit. He felt like a dunce. And, he felt fooled by both his mother and Pan. "So when Goku said earlier that he hadn't seen me wear this in a while, he was referring to Mirai Trunks as the "me" of his statement!"

Pan was quite sure that Trunks would start to get angry again. He had been having a hard time controlling his anger lately, and had the feeling that she was the cause of it. After hearing him complain about it, it confirmed her fears, but she understood why he'd be feeling angry and taking it out on her. They all wanted to go home, and they all, in their own way, were cracking down. But while she let out her anger verbally, he held it all in and pretended to be fine. At some point, she knew he'd have to crack. She tensed, readying herself for a string of insults after her comment comparing him to Mirai Trunks, but it never came. Instead, he started to chuckle slightly, and it grew until it became a laugh. And even that grew to a belly laugh that doubled him over, unable to breathe. Pan looked at him in bewilderment, not sure how to interpret his reaction. After a few minutes, he was able to stand up and wipe his forehead with his forearm.

"You know, Pan, I think that's the funniest thing I've heard in a long time!" He laughed quietly to himself. "This whole time, your grandpa and I were talking, and I looked just like Mirai Trunks. That's hilarious!"

"You're... not angry?" Pan raised her eyebrow at him expectantly.

"Twenty minutes ago, I would have fooled myself into being angry for no reason. But I realize that I have nothing to be angry about. All I needed was to vent a bit, but when I step back and fully comprehend what's going on in my life, I can see that I was just acting like an idiot. I realize now, I'm possibly one of the luckiest men in the universe." Trunks smiled down to Pan.

"Lucky? But I understood that you think that I am selfish and –"

"No, Pan. I don't. I'm about to experience a wedding with a beautiful young lady who has the strongest will of any girl I'll probably ever meet, who is a hero to anyone in need, who offers her time and her patience to help others, who never stops fighting for what she wants, who never gives up, and can forgive a fool of a man who lost control of his temper a little while ago for no reason except his own pride."

"Trunks..." he could hear her sniffle.

"Don't cry again, Pan. I'm sorry if I made you cry." He looked down into her eyes.

She smiled as tears formed in her eyes. He wrapped his arms around her and brought her into a warm hug. She held him back, smiling broadly. "No, Trunks, I'm not crying. I've just never had anyone say that to me before and I'm too happy to be able to express myself." He smiled into her shoulder and held her tighter.

When they pulled away, he put both his hands on her shoulders and looked right into her eyes. "Pan, I am not sure what to expect from this wedding/bonding thing today. But I want you to know that I'm ready for it, and I will be holding no regrets."

She smiled and nodded her head. "I'm ready, too, Trunks, but I think that Grandpa is right to say we need a little more sleep. Remember, we do have to spend a night in the temple together. I think I'll need a bit more beauty sleep for that!"

Trunks blinked and stood still as she laughed and started running toward the ship. What? A night together in the temple? He felt his shoulders slump and sighed. Whatever happened in the temple would have to wait till later.

"It's going to be a long day..."

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–9/18/04–