Interlude: Cookies!

POP!
With a string of curse words, Snake immediately flew out of bed to tuck and roll away from whatever was shooting at him he guessed. Only after peaking up from over the bed did he see Isabelle standing there, her eyes wide with shock, holding the remains of a party popper, "Um…I didn't expect you to react that way Mister Snake." sheepishly remarked the secretary.

Would a dog from a cartoon world understand PTSD? thought Snake as he mulled over what to say next.

"I, uh….startle easily. I'm sorry to scare you."

Isabelle closed her eyes and giggled, "Don't apologize, Mister Snake, it's clear I'm the one that scared you! Tee hee!"

Snake let a wry grin escape him. He had to admit, that was funny.

"So, why the wakeup call?"

"Hm?" Isabelle asked, cocking her head to the side

"C'mon, I know how well dogs can hear."

Suddenly, realization dawned on Isabelle's face, "Oh! You don't remember?"

Shit.

"Remember what?"

"We're supposed to bake cookies for Edelgard, Hubert, and Sonic today!"

Another grin. Something about this girl's obsession with baking for large groups reminded him of Sunny. Maybe that's why she melted his old, icy heart.

"Aw. I was hoping you forgot" playfully chided the mercenary

Isabelle shrugged, "Nope! I'm heading to the kitchen now! Come on down when you're decent!" she said, skipping merrily out the door, and presumably to the kitchen on the lower level.

As Snake had only worn underwear to bed, he simply threw on a tank top and some a pair of plaid pajama pants Nana had knitted him for the end of the Brawl tournament. He went into the shared bathroom, flipped on the light, and rummaged through the cabinet on the sink, finding what he was looking for, a large suitcase. He opened the suitcase, finding a tupperware container opening it briefly to review its contents.

Ah ha, ration cookies Snake thought triumphantly Now, to brush my teeth

Snake began to brush his teeth, he started to hum a tune. Like the smell of military ration cookie dough, this song resonated throughout his childhood. It was the voice of his mother EVA who was singing for sure, but how could he have heard it? Had she sung it to him and Liquid before they were separated? Had it been recorded to soothe him from and left to his unfeeling handlers, who couldn't soothe a baby to save their lives. Regardless, the tune reminded him of peace, and so, on days when he was in a good mood, he would think of it.

What a thrill

With darkness and silence through the night

What a thrill

I'm searching and I'll melt into you

What a fear in my heart

But you're so supreme!

I give my life

Not for honor, but for you

That last part always hit him with a twinge of sadness, "I give my life, not for honor, but for you"

Maybe that's why I love this place so much, so many honorable people. Something about this place has a calming effect, even the evil Smashers seem to be civil Snake thought as he spat the toothpaste from his mouth into the sink. He briefly considered flossing,

"No," Snake grumbled to no one in particular, "I'm having cookies for breakfast, what's the point?"

He briefly considered using mouth wash but…

"No, I think I'm going to have a few more cigarettes than normal today, so what's the point?"

Snake muttered to himself briefly about having cookies for breakfast as a "grown-ass man" as he picked up the container, leaving his room, closing the door behind him, the special Tupperware container tucked under his arm.

The walk to the kitchen had been surprisingly brief, and as he opened the door to the small kitchen, he could hear Isabelle chattering with someone already. Snake opened the door. The woman with Snake had exceptionally…fluffy brown hair was wearing a thick looking pink sweater and was wearing some polka dot leggings as pants, a modern fashion choice that had baffled Snake when Bayonetta had tried to explain it to him, and a black short skirt with red trim.

"Who are you?" Snake asked the mystery girl.

Isabelle yipped in his direction, which caught the mercenary soldier's attention, "Snake! That is NOT how we greet people!"

Snake felt a hot wash of shame as if he'd been reprimanded by a teacher.

"I'm sorry Isabelle, it's a force of habit."

The secretary to the Mayor of Smashville put her paws on her hips somewhat playfully, "Well, then try again" she said with an amused smirk on her face

Snake sighed, "Hello, my name's Solid Snake. I don't believe we've met."

The fluffy-haired girl smiled politely, "No, I don't believe we have, we couldn't have. My name's Haru Okumura. It's a pleasure to meet you, Mister Snake, I'm a…erm…colleague of Joker's."

Great, another person on the 'Mister Snake' train. At this rate, Ocelot will be calling me that by the time the tournament's over.

Suddenly something clicked in Snake's head that the Okumura girl had said earlier

"Wait, what do you mean couldn't have? Where have you been all this time?"

Haru sighed while Isabelle snorted with laughter, "It's a long and complicated story that involves our other colleague Futaba using the internet to spread false rumors about who Fighter 5 would be. I believe she used the name 'Brew' or was it 'Papa' something? Anyway, the robot, ROB found out about it, and we've been grounded for the lack of a better term up until today."

"Remind me to introduce your friend Futaba to my friend Otacon."

"I mean, if Futaba has another hacker friend out of this, I think we'd all be for it."

Isabelle giggled, which brought the other two's attention to her. At a speed which seemed to rival Sonic's with no discernable explanation, she was whizzing around the kitchen, getting out the necessary tools and ingredients.

"Isabelle, no need for that. I've got my own homemade recipe right here" Snake announced to the girls with a broad smile, retrieving setting the container that contained his cookies on the kitchen island

Isabelle stopped briefly, opening the container and retrieving a cookie, "Why is this wrapped like a muffin?" inquired Isabelle

She sniffed it briefly, and began to gag uncontrollably, "EW!" the normally docile dog shrieked in between gags, "WHY DO THEY SMELL LIKE CIGARETTES?"

"Cigarettes?" asked a baffled Haru, "You can't be serious"

Now it was Haru's turn to sniff a cookie. Her face contorted, "SNAKE! WHY WOULD YOU BRING COOKIES THAT SMELL LIKE CIGARETTES!"

"It's the way my father made them." snapped Snake

"And what kind of man was your father?" protested Isabelle

"A man who lived exclusively off of Korean War rations." Snake explained

Haru raised an eyebrow at him. Her next words came out slowly as if it was breaking every bit of her constitution to have to speak them in real life, "Do you mean like…the Korean/American War? The one that happened 60 years ago?"

"No, you don't understand. My father had these rations made this way because that's how things were in his time when he was a soldier. These are relatively fresh ingredients, just made the old way."

"Snake…how old are these rations?" asked Haru, who's choked back voice indicated she was one comment away from vomiting

"Let's see…Zanzibar Land was in '99, so that old."

"I wasn't even born yet" dryly remarked Haru, her eyes wide with horror, and her skin drained of color, "Oh my God, Isabelle, I can't. I'm sorry, I just…" she babbled as she staggered out of the kitchen.

"Nonononono," protested Isabelle, who skittered to hold block Haru's exit by placing her paws firmly on her abdomen, "Snake have….have you been cooking like your father….this whole time?" asked the secretary

Snake paused. No one had ever called his self-sufficiency into question before, nor had he ever examined it himself.

"I mean, I've only ever been a soldier. I live off rations and the land, and I've never really had to examine it further."

Haru's ironclad will to get out of the kitchen softened, her eyes gazing to Snake with a look of pity, "Oh no, Snake. I'm so sorry"

Isabelle grinned, "Well, we can examine it right now, and teach you how to make chocolate chip cookies the proper way. Then will all be forgiven Snake?"

Snake smiled, "Yeah, all would be forgiven."

"Hooray!" cheered Isabelle, "C'mon Haru, I'll need your help. We'll be explaining the process as we go, so Snake, put on your best listening ears, and learn from the masters." she concluded with a wink

For the next hour, Solid Snake, the mercenary of legend…learned how to bake chocolate chip cookies with the finest ingredients available. He watched as Isabelle and Haru combined ingredients to make a delicious dough, and in the process, surmised that baking could be a leisurely activity if the skills involved were sufficiently mastered. The trade was a fair one, however, as while the cookies baked in the oven, Snake, Isabelle, and Haru played poker, with Snake teaching the two inexperienced women the rules of the game. Before they knew it, the cookies were done, a delicious golden brown, as the smell of chocolate permeated the air.

As Snake set the cookies down on the table with the help of some bright pink unicorn oven mitts Haru had brought, Isabelle keyed into her wrist communicator.

Suddenly Sonic zipped into the room, snagging a cookie as he ran. As he came to a stop, he was already halfway through the cookie he had pilfered

"Oh, man who made these?" Sonic announced to the room

That's when Sonic caught Snake out of the corner of his eye.

"Oh my Emeralds no" Sonic shivered, his complexion now a ghostly pale

"What's wrong Mister Sonic?" asked Isabelle with a frown

"You had HIM bake these? HIM?" Sonic shouted, "He gave me the jelly bar from his rations when we were roommates, and I had to go to Doctor Mario to get my stomach pumped, and lemme tell ya, that's no good!" Sonic exclaimed, dramatically putting his hands on his hips and shaking his head with vigor.

"But Mister Sonic, I supervised!" Isabelle squeaked, "Miss Haru did too!"

"Oh! That explains why these are good then! If Snake can bake something edible, that must mean you're some kinda miracle worker Miss Isabelle"

Snake looked over to see Isabelle blush and stammer out something humble in reply, but Snake's blood could only run cold.

Oh no. if Sonic and Isabelle become an item. I'll have to see if Otacon can just shoot me in the back of the head.

"We got your message on this confounded wrist machine" came a voice from the kitchen entrance

Edelgard strolled into the room, followed closely by Hubert, both nobles curiously eying the cookies on the kitchen island

"Ah! Glad you could make it Mister Hubert, Miss Edelgard. I'm Isabelle, this is Haru, one of Joker's friends, and…"

"I'm Solid Snake. Pleased to meet you Edelgard."

"And I'm Sonic the Hedgehog, the fastest thing alive!"

Hubert and Edelgard simultaneously raised their eyebrows at that, but Edelgard was quick to change subjects, "Oh my, you've made sweets to welcome Hubert and I, how kind!"

"Now Your Highness," interjected Hubert, "You need to be in top fighting shape for this tournament. I would suggest one sweet, for each of us of course. It's only fair that I hold myself to the same standards that I hold you to."

Edelgard nodded, taking a cookie, and biting into it. Her eyes went wide, as if she was a young child tasting sugar for the first time, "By the Goddess Hubert this might be the finest sweet I've ever had."

"Really?" Hubert asked, taking a cookie of his own. His eyes too, went wide, "As usual Your Highness, your observations are as sharp as ever. This is delicious!"

Edelgard held up a finger with a bemused smirk on her face, "Remember Hubert, one sweet."

Hubert grumbled, "Confound it."

Sonic smirked, "Here, let me take the temptation away."

Sonic bolted around the cookie table several times, and in a flash, all the cookies were gone. The only evidence of the crime was Sonic shouting, "Thanks for the cookies Isabelle!" as bolted down the hallway.

"Oh dear," Hubert mused, shock in his eyes, "I do believe he might be the fastest thing alive, as he said."

"We shouldn't underestimate hearsay in this realm Hubert, as it's full of surprises," remarked Edelgard, turning to the other people in the room, "I suppose we must be going. Thank you again for the sweets, they were delicious!" Edelgard said with a wave as she and Hubert exited the kitchen

Snake turned to Haru and Isabelle, "Thanks for the lesson girls, but I'll be taking a nap here soon."

"It was our pleasure teaching your Mister Snake. It was quite fun!" Haru exclaimed with a smile

"I second that!" agreed Isabelle, "Have a good nap, Mister Snake"

Snake stretched, "Oh, trust me, I will." he said, ambling out of the kitchen

Much to his amusement, as he walked out of earshot, he heard Isabelle mutter something to Haru about "destroying those yucky rations with my mallet"

Later that evening

When Snake awoke from his nap, he had two private messages on his wrist communicator. One was from Ryuji, the blond one of Joker's posse, exclaiming how hilarious the 'cigarette cookie' prank was, and how much Ryuji 'effin loved him' and 'effin loved Smash Bros'. The other was from Greninja

"Monsieur Snake, I believe we should be in the training room as much as possible over the next week mon ami. I hear that Mario et ses amis are looking to recruit a ninja, and I believe we would be the team for the job. Répondez s'il vous plait."

Snake was dreary from the nap, but his French was sharp enough to comprehend what the ninja frog from the France-influenced Pokemon country was implying. As fun as cookie baking was, a soldier always had an itch for a fight that they could never scratch, and with the training rooms having been closed for so long, a fight was long overdue.