Note: The opening to this might confuse some people. Please realize it's a sort of dream sequence.Enjoy X)
CHAPTER 55:
Waking Up
The world changed again. It shifted under his feet as the light skewed and twisted into a new array of colors. The ground melted and reformed as he stepped back, panting, grasping his hair in confusion. It was happening again. It was always happening.
"Trunks."
He spun around and backed up several steps as he darted his eyes back and forth in the light. Each step left a slight echo in the shifting world around him, as if he were in some chamber, but as far as he could see, there was no end to the abyss. But then, suddenly, there was an end. Trunks took another step backward in wonder as he suddenly found himself in a room, with a young boy across from him, frowning.
"Trunks," the boy repeated, looking stern as he stood fast. The light settled on a few wisps of his dark hair. He was wearing a dark shirt, and the chair behind him was dark, and then before Trunks knew it, the entire room was cast in shades of black and white that began to slowly pulse with light.
Trunks continued to look at the boy, his left hand growing numb as he clenched it so hard, and he released his fingers with a shaking voice. He remembered this person; it seemed easy enough to say his name, "Goku…"
"Trunks," the boy stood there a moment and then took a step forward as his body began to fade. "Promise me, if I go away, that you'll take care of her…" His body was transparent now, the light bending within his body as it then began to solidify into a mirror. Trunks could then see his reflection as the mirror approached him, but his face was blurry. He couldn't make out his features, and he felt his voice rise in a slight panic as he wondered, for a moment, who he was.
"Who?" Trunks brought his right hand up to touch the mirror, but it faded before he was able to feel it, leaving him alone in the black and white room.
The boy's voice rose from around him, and seemed to emanate from the air itself, "Make sure she's okay. Stop by… every once in a while to visit, you know?"
Trunks stepped back as his eyes widened and repeated in a rising hysteric, "Who?"
A dark voice growled, "The enemy."
The world shifted again as Trunks lost his footing and fell backwards, suddenly flying downward as a silent wind whipped by his hair. The only thing he was able to hear were his rapid breaths as he continued to fall, confused, afraid, alone, toward the ground as an outside world suddenly came into focus.
A strong hand suddenly caught him and he found himself held against someone's chest as they rose back into the air. A bright blue sky was above him as Trunks cried in confusion and fear.
"My baby!" He was then placed into another set of arms and looked up to see his mother. He held his breath as he realized she was so much larger than him. He seemed so small as her arms cradled him. She looked down to him and sadly smiled, "Trunks…"
"I don't understand," Trunks blinked and shook his head as his arms reached out for her as his head turned to face the one that saved him from the fall. He realized he was looking at himself for a moment, as his blood turned cold.
The world exploded, then. It shattered into a thousand pieces as his reflection suddenly aged before him. The years flew by as a sun began to rise and set, faster and faster along a black horizon as his reflection turned into a mirror and portrayed himself growing up – growing older, but somehow it started from when he was a baby, and he grew within this mirror, shooting taller, and stopped when he was about eight or nine.
He knew this place.
The world shifted again and came into focus as he looked up to both the sun and his father. He knew this place, because it was often in this recurring dream. He felt an arm around him and was scared, because he knew what was going to happen. "No!" Trunks' eyes went wide with realization, "Dad… don't!"
"I'm proud of you, son." Vegeta smirked warmly as he looked down to his son.
"No, dad, don't… don't go!" Trunks reached up to touch him, but was smacked in the back of the neck, and then… suddenly, he was falling forward, through the phantom in his mind as an explosion erupted behind him.
As the wind passed again, a mirror suddenly reappeared before him and showed him falling, growing older within seconds, his reflection reaching out to him with a desperate face as the wind repelled both of him through the air.
Trunks suddenly landed hard on the ground, with a BOOM! that cracked the tiles around him. He lay there, throbbing, for a moment as he took in the new surroundings. He weighed so much, it was hard for him to think straight.
"Get up." A set of feet appeared by him, swirling in the light as the world threatened become another shade of black and white. "You'll never be as good as him."
Trunks lifted himself up with shaking arms, sweating profusely and dropping from both his hair and his training gi. "What… what…?" Trunks grunted as he stood up and faced his father, "What's going on?"
"My son." Vegeta approached him with a wild look, "You'll never be the Tuffle he was meant to be."
"The what?" Trunks stepped back in confusion, "What's that?"
Vegeta landed a blow to Trunks' ribcage, knocking the wind from him as Trunks flew back against a wall. The tile cracked as his body landed hard, and then he stood there, leaning a moment as he tried to gain his breaths back, "I…" Trunks looked down in shame, "I don't understand… I…"
A memory triggered inside him. Trunks blinked as his mind unlocked a door that had been closed for so long. "I…" Trunks looked up with betrayed eyes, "I know you."
"Stop fighting me." Vegeta scowled as he took a step forward, "I'm sick and tired of you resisting me."
"I…" Trunks backed up through the wall, his chest clenched as his legs threatened to fail him, "You… you're…"
A hand suddenly came from nowhere and smacked him across the face. He was knocked back somewhat, and landed in a bed, the world shifting again around him. "What!" Trunks shook his head as he found himself pinning someone, "What are you…" His eyes widened as he realized who it was, "Pan…"
"Your fight is with me now."
Trunks turned his head and saw Piccolo in the window. It gave a double-take, but instead of widening his eyes in shock, he felt his body rise casually when he saw that Pan was suddenly behind Piccolo.
"Promise me," the boy's voice resonated throughout the room as the world slowed and then stilled around them like a living photograph, "that you'll take care of her."
"I can't…" Trunks brought his hands to his hair as he numbly stared at Pan, "I can't even take care of myself!"
As Piccolo and Pan stood still before him, another scene opened up in his mind as voices called from everywhere, "Fight it, Trunks!" He dropped to his knees as his body trembled. "He's doing it!"
"I don't understand!" Trunks grabbed at the carpet desperately, "Help me… Oh god, help me…"
"No one can help you." Pan's voice was cold as her eyes flashed red. Suddenly, the world shifted so it wasn't even a room anymore. He found himself watching Pan approach him in a dark abyss, black as midnight. Slowly, billions of tiny white lights began to twinkle into focus as he stood there, in the middle of vast space.
"Pan…" Trunks reached out as he tried to walk toward her, but he found his legs were pinned to a nearby star. He could do nothing but watch helplessly as her body faded, her smirk widening as she released a high cackle and stepped toward a new window.
"Pan… Pan don't go!" Trunks grabbed at his leg and tried to lift it from the white star, desperate to catch her as she flew off with Piccolo. "Goddamnit!" He panted as he looked up and in great anguish, watched her face vanish, "Come back!"
The star he was standing on suddenly turned darker, and before he was able to budge, it became a black hole and began to suck him in deeper. His throat clenched as he realized he was losing this battle, and in rising panic, he reached up, trying to grab anything as his voice erupted in a high scream.
"Oh, shush!" a boy laughed.
Trunks blinked as he found himself in a new world now. Trunks was reaching up toward the sun as he was vertically being buried by the ocean.
"How are we supposed to play 'quicksand' if you keep trying to climb out of it?" The boy frowned as he pushed another bucket on top of Trunks, "I thought you said that we're supposed to go down in quicksand."
"No, you dummy!" Trunks turned his head to Goten and rolled his eyes, "You're supposed to go down, and then escape the quicksand! You can't just keep going down. You'll die."
Trunks couldn't believe his voice. It was so young, and he suddenly couldn't control his body. It was as if he were watching a movie, forced into a prison behind his eyes.
"You know, you're right!" Goten laughed as his body grew and his voice began to change, "We could bury you alive, and you'd die, right?"
"Huh?" Trunks blinked, a cold shiver passing through his spine as he realized this wasn't Goten. Goten would never say something like that. "Who would die?"
"Not, you, dumbass." Goten smirked as he stood and bent to offer Trunks his hand, "The Saiyan."
"Who?" Trunks took his hand and suddenly, he was on his feet, by the beach. He was wearing swimming trunks and Goten was in his lifeguard outfit. "Who?" Trunks repeated as he realized Goten was looking beyond him, "My dad or yours?"
"Didn't you hear?" Goten took a step forward him, his dark eyes flashing in the sunlight, "She's dead."
"Who is?" Trunks frowned as he watched this impostor laugh in Goten's body.
"The bitch." Goten smirked.
The sunny sky suddenly turned a dark gray and began to rain upon them. Everything shifted so fast as Trunks immediately knew who Goten was talking about.
"No!" Trunks stepped back into a mirror as his eyes went wide, "I can't believe that!"
The mirror shattered around him, leaving him on an old battlefield. There were craters and boulders, and other traces of rubble and debris scattered everywhere. Grass was growing here, now, so whatever fight occurred here happened a long time ago.
"This was the place."
Trunks looked down to his side and saw Pan standing there, holding her trademark orange bandana in her hands. Her hair was slightly longer now, and she appeared older. There was something about her eyes that showed she was wiser now, and it haunted him to see her like this.
"What place?" his voice was calm and gentle as he ran his fingers through her hair.
"He died here." Pan looked down with a tear streaming from her face, "Poor… poor Grandpa…"
"Promise me," the boy's voice returned to the world and seemed to come from everywhere, "if I go away, that you'll take care of her…"
"Pan…" Trunks turned to face her and put both his hands on her shoulders, suddenly feeling a sort of peace knowing she was alright, that she was okay… "Pan."
"No." Pan looked up to him with a faltering face, "Stay away from me."
Trunks raised his eyebrows in surprise as his chest clenched, "W-What?"
"You've been a bad boy." Pan's eyes flashed red, and when they reappeared they were his mother's eyes. As he backed away from her, she became his mother, and his mother grew taller and taller as the ground shifted beneath them.
"H-How? How have I been bad?" Trunk stumbled back a few steps and tripped over some wires, landing in the docking hangar. "I don't understand! What the hell is going on?"
His mother advanced on him, her face becoming distorted with the light until she became his father, still looming over him. Everything seemed taller to him now, and he realized he was once again in the body of a child, backing away in fear.
"Father… father, stop this!"
"I can kill you." Vegeta's eyes narrowed and his body began to change before Trunks. His normal black hair became a white as red lines ran down his face. Trunks had seen this before, but he couldn't grasp it. It was only when Vegeta opened his mouth again, and a high pitched cackle emerged, Trunks' eyes went wide with the realization he had back in the gravity room.
"Baby!" Trunks sneered.
Baby's hand whipped out before Trunks could move, and he was rammed through the wall and they both were suddenly outside, with Trunks dangling from Baby's hand, choking as Baby throttled him.
"I can kill you…" Baby scowled as his blue eyes flashed from the shell of his father, "you… and the Saiyan brat at the snap of my fingers."
Then suddenly, Baby let go, and Trunks felt himself falling into a canyon below. Lightning flashed in the sky as he fell in a silent scream, and before he realized it, he was on the ground, the landing quickly forgotten as he tried to stand up, disoriented and confused.
"You Saiyan filth," the voice growled, "You're next."
"What" Trunks looked up and realized Baby was hovering above, snarling down to him.
"Vegeta's line ends with you," Baby spit onto him as Trunks suddenly began to be sucked back in to a vortex, "You traitor!"
"No!" Trunks felt himself being pulled and grabbed onto a rock, terrified of where he was being taken. He reached his hand out to Baby and screamed, "No! I'm not a traitor! Never!"
"Promise me…" The voice emanated from nowhere again as Trunks continued to grab on to a rock, screaming for dear life. "Promise me!"
"Goku! GOKU!" Trunks shouted on top of the rising wind, "Goku, help me!"
Another voice rose over the wind, "You lied to me! You lied!"
"No, I didn't! I didn't lie!" Trunks suddenly lost his hold and was sucked into another mirror that shattered upon his impact, as the glass fell around him, it glued itself to the sides, and suddenly he found himself in the spaceship, hugging Pan.
Everything was quiet as they stood there, and Trunks was still reeling from the panic and the rush from before. Everything was so confusing. Everything was just tearing at his mind, he thought he was going to go crazy! It seemed like it'd been like this for months. Months and months, without rest…
Pan sighed a bit and looked up to him in the short-lived silence. "What if something comes between us…?"
Trunks was screaming inside as he felt his body begin to laugh and shake its head, then look down to her with a smile, "Listen to me, Pan. Nothing is going to go wrong, and even if something does, there's no way I could ever forget you."
Pan smiled, "Really?" She blushed a bit and hugged him tightly.
Closing his eyes, Trunks held her close and felt a tear escape him as he whispered in her hair, "And I would never let anyone hurt you again."
He felt Pan smile and snuggle against his neck, "You promise?"
Trunks frowned inside as he felt a pang in his stomach, but his body still smiled, "I promise."
"You lied to me." The voice emerged again as he felt Pan begin to slip from his fingers.
"No, Pan! Pan, stop!" Trunks held onto her as if his life were tied to her. He wouldn't lose her. He wouldn't let something solid like that slip from his fingers again! "Pan, stay with me!"
"Kill her." Baby's voice emerged as the ship turned dark and he found himself floating in a void again, holding Pan protectively against his chest.
"Ahhh!" Trunks suddenly felt his head explode with pain as his entire body writhed in agony. He felt like he was being ripped apart as he fell back with her into a burning prairie. Wheat grass grew above them in all directions as he clutched onto Pan, sobbing into her shoulder from the pain that seemed to be ripping him apart inside. But Pan hung loosely in his arms, and he realized she hadn't moved since they were on the spaceship.
Trunks tried to push aside his pain as he gently lay her down on the grass among the wheat and shook her, "Pan…"
"Kill Her!" The voice now screamed inside his head as Trunks cried out and clawed at his hair.
"Stop it! Stop it, go away! STOP IT!" Trunks squeezed his eyes shut and fell beside Pan on the grass, grabbing her again to support himself, to make sure he wasn't going to vanish again.
Save Pan…
It was a thought above all the agony and anguish in his mind. It was more than a thought. It was… a resistance. It was a real idea, a solid thought that was fighting the current, Save Pan…
"Pan…" Trunks clutched her tightly and buried his head in the crook of her neck, "Pan, help me. Help me, please… Help me… Pan…?"
The wind picked up as he opened his eyes and realized she was bleeding profusely. She looked battered and ill, covered with scars along her body as her gi was soaked with her own blood.
"Pan!" Trunks sat up and cradled her in the wheat grass, shaking her desperately, "Pan, can you hear me? Oh god…" He shook her again, his voice trembling as he fought back tears, "Pan, wake up! Wake up!"
He held Pan as a dark wind began to rise again. It was like the calm before the storm. He only had a little bit of time, but he knew he was going to lose her if he didn't do something soon. "Pan!" He shook her violently this time, "Don't die on me! Don't you dare die on me! PAN!" She still hung limply in his arms as the wind began to scream and the sky turned a dark midnight blue.
"Wake up, Pan! Wake up!" Trunks was desperate now as he felt her begin to fade in his arms, "Please, Pan… Wake up!"
–––––––
Pan shot awake in bed, sweating profusely as she threw her covers from her. Her first instinct was to shoot out of bed and scramble to her feet in a fighting pose, panting heavily at the memory of her nightmare.
A few seconds' pause and the silence of the evening rang in her ears louder than any blast she had to ever endure. She listened with intensity and then quickly did a ki scan of the area around her.
There were three figures within her vicinity, but she couldn't tell who. She was still disoriented from springing up in bed, but it was easy enough to tell that they were not Tuffles. Whoever they were had washed her and dressed her in some nightgown.
She relaxed her shoulders as she stood up straight and leaned her right arm on the bed, propping herself up as she lowered her head and ran her fingers through her long hair.
Memories of the battle suddenly rammed into her mind as she remembered Gohan's eyes as he was about to kill her. She gasped and immediately lifted her dress to get a good look at her stomach. Not able to see much in the dark, she edged along the wall until she got near to the door and then searched for a light switch. Finding none, she frowned and made a small yellow ki ball in her left hand that illuminated the room well enough for her to find a lantern.
She made her way back to the bed and lit the only lantern she saw in the room. It cast a faint orange glow to her surroundings, and she immediately recognized this as her room, the one she lived in when she stayed with her Gramps and Buu.
They saved me… Pan's eyes went wide as she went to her mirror, Gramps saved my life…
What she saw in the mirror horrified her. It left her breathless as she saw how emaciated she had become. But even more than that, it was her eyes that scared her more than anything. She never remembered having eyes as hard as the ones she had now. She looked down and her shoulders trembled as she realized she had once been so innocent. It was so long ago when her life seemed so easy… But since then, she had to endure the loss of her family, her friends, her mentor, her grandpa, her father…
Pan lifted her nightgown and observed her lower abdomen in the mirror. There was a scar there, a round scar that was slightly below and to the right of her belly button. It looked like too clean of a scar for it to have healed naturally. Either she received stitches or Buu must have healed her. Either that, or Gohan had slipped her a sensu bean when she was out. But she highly doubted that one.
Her eyes darted to the door as she felt a warning sign, a slight suspicion as to who the third ki was that was staying with them. A part of her screamed 'danger', because she had learned not to trust anyone during these last months of her life, but another part of her rebutted that thought with common knowledge that anyone staying with her and Gramps must be a friend.
But what friend would have such a high power level? Pan's eyebrows frowned as she felt slightly confused, her heart racing. Piccolo was the last of the Z fighters. What other person could be staying with them?
She walked to the window and looked outside, noting the soft white light that seemed to be streaming through. For a long time, she had been used to the Planet Tuffle casting a red glow on the sky, but this was different. She looked out the window, but wasn't able to see anything. She searched along the window for a sill, but realized to her dismay that there was no way to open the window. It was built straight into the wall, capsule-style. If she wanted to go to outside, she'd have to use the front door.
The only problem was… she didn't want to face anyone right now.
Waiting a moment, she did another ki scan and determined where all three were at once. If she was correct in assuming she was in a generic capsule home, there would be one other bedroom, a large living area, a kitchen, and two bathrooms. She just hoped that they'd be in places she could conveniently avoid. She wasn't in the mood for a welcome home party, and the last thing she wanted to do was have to explain what she'd been doing the past seven or so months. At the memory of Piccolo, her stomach threatened to reel as her eyes swelled, threatening tears. No… she didn't want to have to think of that right now… Not now.
When it was all clear, she opened her door a crack, and soundlessly swung it open, tiptoeing on the carpet as she let it shut with a slow click behind her. Her eyes darted down the small hall and after it was all clear, she pressed herself to the wall and edged along silently. As she reached the living room, she noticed Hercule and Buu talking about some nostalgic moment, and she cursed under her breath. She got down on her hands and knees and crawled, then, along the wall, so they wouldn't see her.
God, I'm so immature… Pan scowled to herself. I must look like the biggest idiot right now. As she reached the edge of the living room, she ducked into the kitchen and hit behind the island table, panting to herself as she wiped away beats of sweat on her forehead.
Glad that Hercule and Buu were behind her, Pan stood up with her head looking behind, but as she faced forward, she bumped straight into something hard and was knocked back.
"He–!"
"–Shhh!" Pan instinctively reached out and covered his mouth, but as she realized what she was doing, she reeled her right hand back as if she touched a hot stove.
The boy before her blinked and lowered his voice slightly with a warm smile, "You're awa–!"
"–Stay back!" Pan snarled as she grabbed a knife and held it before her, "I don't know you!"
"I'm–"
"–I don't care." Pan hissed as she narrowed her eyes. "You never saw me." Pan backed up slowly, still holding the knife. Her eyes darted down to her object and then she looked back at him with a stern frown, "And I'll be taking this."
"What?" the boy blinked at her and frowned, "Where are you going?"
"You never saw me!" Pan turned and sprinted out the living room door, earning two more shouts of surprise as she slammed it and ran out to the open night.
"Come back!" The boy started to run after her, but Pan could feel her eyes swelling again as tears streamed down her face in the harsh wind. It was hard to see in the dim lighting, but she managed to avoid as many trees as she could as she ran blindly through the forest.
She kept seeing visions of her Tuffle father, thrusting his arm in her and laughing at her pain. She couldn't get Piccolo out of her sight, nor could she disregard the pain she felt as she remembered her dream.
The world passed by in a rush, and she continued to run faster until she reached the edge of the woods, and still continued to run.
She didn't know what she was running away from, but she had to get out of there. She had to leave this. She had to end it all – all her suffering… because she was a failure. She failed everyone. She failed her father; she failed Trunks; she couldn't avenge Piccolo or her Grandpa… She was just as weak as she'd always been. Nothing had changed.
Pan stopped as she reached the edge of a cliff and looked down. It wasn't far of a drop, but below, there was a beautiful lake that reflected something white in the sky. As Pan breathed heavily, she slowly brought her eyes up to the source, and was awed at the gigantic moon hovering above the horizon.
It was beautiful, in its quarter-phase. She had never seen something that beautiful… so simple and yet… there was so much history behind it. There were so many associations that went into that quarter moon, and they overwhelmed her as she dropped to her knees at the edge of the cliff, and her hand loosened on the knife.
She thought of Piccolo again, and how he wished that moon into existence. She remembered the night as if it were yesterday, when she sat up with him all night and they talked… and for the first time in so long, she felt loved, in Piccolo's own way. She had a family again. She had a friend…
And then she couldn't help but remember the feel of his skin as it vanished from her hands. He was truly gone then… Pan felt her cheeks swell as tears rolled down her face. She looked to the reflection in the lake water and sniffed back some extra tears that would fall.
There was no hope of bringing him back. When he died… he took the Yellow Star Dragonballs with him. And the Black Star balls… And now…there truly was no way of saving the Earth. The Earth, and everything, and everyone she ever loved, was doomed. And she wasn't strong enough to fight it.
But she would be. Pan looked up to the moon again and felt a determination in her stare. Piccolo left her that moon to remember him by. And although she lost that battle, she did notlose the war. She refused to go down without a fight. If they wanted to kill her, they'd have to follow through. Until then, she'd make their lives miserable.
Her right hand clenched tighter around the knife as she stood up and stared at Piccolo's gift in the sky.
"I'm going to do this for you Piccolo," Pan gave a stern frown as she brought the knife up behind her. "And Grandpa… I'm doing this for you, too."
And with one powerful sweep, she sliced the blade through her hair.
She continued to chop it off, any bit that she could. She sawed it until her bangs once again went just above her eyebrows. She wanted it off. She would never fall victim to Gohan grabbing her hair again. Never.
When she was done, she tossed the blade into the lake and stepped back to gaze again at the quarter moon.
"I'm doing this for you, Piccolo," she said again as she nodded to the sky.
And then she turned around and began her walk home.
––––––––
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–5/27/05–