Round 1: Porky vs. Goro Akechi
Smashers' Box
Quinn felt himself tense at Porky's match card graphic. The boy sat stoically as he always did in the spider mech. His interview played, and his colleagues talked over it. Minch wasn't well-liked, that much Quinn knew, but the veterans treated him with a dismissal he hadn't heard from them yet His teacher Hart had regaled them with second-hand tales of the Subspace War, and Porky had been one of the generals on the other side. The bits of his interview with Nikki he'd be able to hear had been loud, boisterous, and dripping with fake admiration for Goro Akechi. How long had the Waeio Family Wa-ffice been in the works, Quinn wondered as the boy in the mech chortled off-screen.
The talking in the Box stopped when Akechi's visage came up, doing an odd, tryhard dance routine, his leg appearing to spasm as he kicked, turning to the camera and spreading his arms wide with a manic look on his face. Akechi was if nothing else a skilled interview. Almost sickeningly sweet and poised. A pining coo from Torri the Inkling illustrated how he got his claws into people despite what had happened on his homeworld. The young man's curiosity in fighting a mech caused the mask to slip a little bit, as he pontificated in a hissing voice what it would be like to punch metal, kick the glass in, and pry Porky Minch out with his bare hands. Ryuji booed when Akechi mentioned Joker was the one he was looking forward to fighting the most, earning a punch in the shoulder from Makoto. Quinn covered his mouth the hide his grin. This interaction had happened a few times during his interaction with the Phantom Thieves, and it was funny every time. Meanwhile, Futaba appeared on screen, begrudgingly predicting Porky as the winner. The orange-haired girl's icy demeanor shocked Quinn. He had known Akechi and The Thieves had history just from mingling with the group, but if Futaba's anger was anything to go by, it went deeper than Quinn could even imagine.
Porky made his entrance first, flying into the tune of something that was an 8-bit affair at first, then transformed into a foreboding metal anthem. 9-Volt explained via commentary that the song was called "Pokey Means Business" while Cranky argued that the Japanese name "Cease to Exist" was more fitting. Either way, Quinn decided, he would have to download the track onto his Communicator for workout sessions. Quinn made note of how, despite mostly boos, a smattering of cheers greeted Porky as he came to a stop. Quinn could see Lucas a few rows in front of him, the cowlick-haired boy tense, sitting next to an equally tense Ness. As Quinn contemplated the duality of having an evil, hated rival, only for them to be cheered. Goro Akechi's music hit.
Cheers, mostly from young women it sounded like, rocked the stadium bellow them as a slow, triumphant rock instrumental that sped up as the young man in white and red power walked out. The Phantom Thieves, who'd been enjoying themselves for the entire tournament, became eerily quiet as 9-Volt gave out the name of the entrance song, "Will Power." Another one for the workout list, Quinn had to begrudgingly admit.
"I can't believe that son of a bitch has fans," Ryuji finally announced to the room.
Ignoring a chuckle across the room from Cloud, Haru piped up, "I mean, the serial killer fandom is a real thing."
Quinn took note of Makoto sinking in her seat as Haru made that proclamation.
"I know, but still…man," Ryuji concluded, sounding utterly defeated by the concept.
Mills' introductions were next. As they had for Porky's interview, the conversation was flowing in the viewing box in which they sat. They'd heard the same drill a million times, as had "The Sultan of New Pork" and "The Dark Detective Prince" respectively, as they appeared neutral to the crowd reactions. Just as Mills began to explain the coin toss, Porky piped up.
"I'm forfeiting my right to stage selection," the boy in the spider mech cheerily announced.
Immediately, the Smashers broke into a clamor. Some of them bemoaned the decision, while some debated Yoshi's decision to do so, who had done the same. Ness and Lucas simultaneously brought up the point that someone as agile as Akechi could probably make New Pork City a living hell. Quinn nodded silently to no one in particular.
As he had seemingly a million times before, Mills ran down the rules and teleported the two Smashers away. In the interim, the rules, stage (Battlefield Momentos), and music ( The Persona 5 Scramble mix "Blooming Villain", whatever that meant) appeared on the screen. As the timer counted down, Akechi appeared in a blast of blue flame, already accompanied by a flamboyantly dressed Persona with an enormous sword, while Porky appeared to erupt from a giant statue of himself. The countdown was over, the fight was on. Quinn caught some clamor from the Phantom Thieves about how Akechi had already summoned his Persona, but the ensuing explanation from Morgana was all gobbledygook to Quinn. Anyway, Quinn reasoned, he had to focus on the fight.
Already Porky had summoned miniature robot forms of himself, Akechi expertly vaulting and twisting over them as they exploded. Finally, Akechi had closed the gap, jumping above Porky and spinning as he fired his gun down onto his opponent's mech.
Joker laughed, "He said the move was nonsense in Cruel Brawl, but then he goes in steals it.
Makoto began to lecture Joker about how Akechi greatly admired him as the match went on. Again, Porky summoned robot minions, and again Akechi vaulted over them. Only this time, a yellowish orb appeared in the crest at the top of Porky's mech, firing a laser which downed the jumping Akechi The detective's body was limp as he fell into a series of spiked jabs of energy that seemed to protrude from nowhere. As the Smashers' Box seemed to "oooh" in sympathy pain simultaneously, Akechi fired his gun, stunning the mech, and causing him to step backward. Each fighter stood on the opposite side of the stage, as they bolted towards each other. At the last second, Akechi baseball slid underneath the mech, snapping his fingers as the boy inside bewilderingly turned the mech. Snapping his fingers, a flicker of dark energy appeared, splatting onto the mech, Porky appearing to take steady damage. Akechi followed that up with a running kick, which he followed up with a quick-as-lightening follow-up kick.
"Again, he steals my move," Joker snapped.
"And like I said, Akechi admires you greatly, it's a show of…"
As Akechi danced around the most recent flurry of Porky's furious attacks on-screen, Ryuji snapped, "Dude, why are you defending him?"
Quinn looked over to see Ann's eyes widen in realization.
"No," she flatly exclaimed, "You're not…"
"No, I'm not," seethed Makoto through gritted teeth.
"Why did everyone choose now to get into weird toxic relationships! I mean, there are hot alien babes around."
"I'll have you know my relationship with Futaba isn't…" Yusuke began to dramatically shriek.
Quinn was snapped out of the bickering by Rosalina's squeal of horror.
"Oh God, what did I miss?" asked Quinn.
"Akechi's been dodging Porky's attacks this entire time, but he tried to slide under him and he just crushed him.
Quinn focused on the screen. The spider mech was splayed out its legs spread out as if it had attempted the splits. The mech got to its feet, with Akechi's prone form twisting inward at the loss of air. Cackling maniacally, Porky hovered up as high as it could go, slamming down onto Akechi one more time. Porky's triumphant, bratty laughter turned to a gasp of abject horror as slowly, Akechi managed to raise the giant mech over his head. Most concerning of all, Akechi's attire had changed, along with the Persona that accompanied him. Now, Akechi was in all black, his eyes a bloodshot red. His Persona had morphed as well, to a lanky striped creature, its red eyes ablaze with hate.
"So that's how Akechi's persona manifests eh?" asked Hubert, a wicked smile on his face.
"That's not how it manifested when he and I fought Cruel Brawl together," Joker explained.
"What, you don't-a think-a The Wa-ffice has been working in the gym?" Wario chortled from the front of the room.
"Funny, the only exercise you seem to get is stretching the truth," snapped Kazooie.
"EY!" barked the portly businessman, "BANJO, QUIET-A YOUR-A BIRD, OR I'LL HAVE HER FOR DINNER-A!"
"Not before I tear you apart," growled Banjo.
As Shulk admonished the three, Quinn turned just in time to see Akechi throw the mech into the air. A blur aura enveloped him as he followed. Having seen plenty of Erdrick's fights, he quickly surmised he'd buffed himself.
"MEGATON RAID!" cried Akechi.
In a massive, white explosion, Porky was sent to the blast zone.
Porky: 1
Akechi: 2
Porky waited on the revival platform until it timed out, abruptly dropping the mech onto the floor of the battlefield.
As Akechi tensed, the boy began to blubber.
"Ya know what, I think I'm done," Porky wheezed
And with that, the mech lumbered to the edge, swan diving off stage.
GAME
AKECHI WINS!
Akechi had teleported to the winner's circle as had every other Smasher, sitting down, glaring at the camera. But that wasn't what was at the forefront of Quinn's mind. What was were the boos from below. Quinn bit his lip, a wave of discomfort circulating through him. He snapped a quick glance around. He wasn't the only one.
"Damn it," cursed Mario, red in the face, punching a wall.
The crowd gasped, Akechi's winning interview, his declarations of fighting Joker, went completely unheard, as was Porky's unhinged whining about how powerful Akechi was. The two walked up the tunnel in silence. A single clap could be heard, disappearing into the airs of time as quickly as it come. Quinn looked in the direction of the noise. It had come from the Phantom Thieves. Had it come from Makoto? Judging by the glares from Ryuji, the snickering from the others, and Makoto's deep red complexion, it had. Quinn grinned, off in his thoughts for a few seconds before Mario squared up to Porky.
"The hell was that?" shouted the man in the red hat.
"That wasn't fair," whined Porky, "Akechi was too powerful and…"
"Embarrassing. That's-a the only word I have-a for you right now. You'd better hold up to our deal in wartime, or else," Mario paused, using onomatopoeia and spreading his arms wildly to mimic an explosion.
"EY!" Wario bellowed, marching up to Mario with Ganondorf and Sephiroth in tow, "You'd-a better-a think-a twice how you talk to my client-a or..."
Mario turned to Shulk, "Tell production me and Donkey Kong are up next. Gotta blow off some steam. You ready big guy?"
Donkey Kong nodded, fist-bumping Diddy Kong as he lumbered upfront.
"Tunnel B cool with you big-a man?"
Donkey Kong nodded, a goofy smile on his face. Quinn snort laughed as the commentators got the news, Cranky beginning to crow to anyone who would listen on how Donkey Kong would win, much to 9-Volt's annoyance. The Mii Brawler cast a glance at Rosalina, who was watching the screen with a new intent. Rather than ask her what had changed, he decided to follow his lead. Perhaps he could learn something if he really paid attention.