Round 2
Fox vs. Dark Samus
Fox's legendary "c'mon" pose and Dark Samus' unrelenting glare made up the match graphics this time. Immediately, Ridley's smug maw was the centerpiece of the shot, Dark Samus looming threateningly in the background.
"Every once in a while," Ridley began, licking his maw, "You are gifted with an easy hunt. A Kripper or Skree that has lost its will to fight, that's old and beaten, simply waiting to fulfill its place in the food chain, to be put out of its misery. That…"
Ridley pointed a claw at the camera.
"Is you Fox McCloud," laughed Ridley, "I mean, look at you. Your parents are dead, much like that gobshite Aran. But at least Aran is a success. You? Your teammates put up with you begrudgingly and you lost the only girl that'll put up with you enough to mate with you. Therefore, all you can do boy is allow the Phazon to seep into your skin and end you."
"Ya know," Fox's interview cut in, sat in the chair rubbing his jaw in thought, "Ridley reminds me of somebody. General Scales. Brash, arrogant, constantly jabbing at his victim's weaknesses, and a brood of monsters at his command."
"NO ONE SURVIVES ME!" screamed Dark Samus' superimposed growl as Fox pondered.
"Being a mercenary," Fox continued, "You always kinda figure the man will come around for you eventually. But I always said I'd never be sent to whatever's on the other side by a blowhard dictator, whether that be Andross, Scales, the Anglars, or the Aparoids. The same goes for this tournament, I refuse to be taken out by a puppet of Ridley, now or ever. You say no one survives you Dark Samus…"
"NO ONE SURVIVES ME!" Dark Samus' superimposed growl echoed again.
"But you haven't met me yet," Fox's toothy smile bookended the video.
Back on the live broadcast Cranky and 9-Volt addressed the audience.
"Some intense words from both parties." 9-Volt began.
"Yeah!" agreed Cranky, "And ya know what? Fox is right, Ridley reminds me of that tub of goo King K. Rool."
"Oh no please," 9-Volt begged, "The censors can't take another tirade. Futaba, it's prediction time."
"I mean, no offense," began Futaba as the feed cut to her, "But Dark Samus beat Yoshi, whereas Fox outsmarted Kirby. MISHUN COMPREE!"
"Alright," 9-Volt nodded, once the screen went to him, "Let's throw it down to entrances."
The title theme of Star Fox Assault blared over the speakers. An Arwing swooped overhead, twirling as Fox jumped out of it, landing on the arena floor.
"Blech," Cranky gagged, "Another round of this."
"Hey!" 9-Volt snapped, "It's over with the kids! Model Arwings are flying off the shelves in Smash City!"
"People buy Flamin' Hot Mountain Dew as well! That doesn't mean anything!" Cranky ranted.
9-Volt sighed, "Whatever you say, old man,"
As soon as Dark Samus appeared, lurching almost sheepishly out of the tunnel and into the world, a healthy mix of boos and cheers began, Dark Samus stopping to growl at the occasional audience member. The camera cut to a multi-person sign, which read "NO ONE SURVIVES ME!" in jagged balloon lettering.
"Dark Samus seems significantly more popular than last round."
"I wouldn't think too much about it," dismissed Cranky, "Freak shows are a delight of the dumb."
"Just don't let it hear you call it a freak show."
"Y-you think I'm scared of a bit of mid-2000s 'tude?" Cranky's voice faltered, much to 9-Volt's amusement, as he couldn't help but giggle.
Mills Frames appeared between the two fighters, "The following contest is a second-round match in the Super Smash Brothers Ultimate tournament! Introducing first, it comes to us from the Metroid universe, it is the Phazon Beast it is DARK SAMUS!"
Dark Samus cocked its head confusedly at the growing adulation
"Oh, so the celebrity itself finally got a nickname," Cranky mocked.
"Well, you know how…intense Ridley can be when it comes to Dark Samus. I'm surprised it only took a round!" countered 9-Volt.
"And now, introducing to my right, he comes to us from the Star Fox universe, he is the leader of the Star Fox Squadron, he is FOX!"
Cheers from children and adults alike erupted as Fox waved bashfully.
The video wall lit up, the stages cycled through and landed on…
"The stage is Bridge of Eldin!" Mills announced, "The rules are three stocks, items medium. Smashers, are you ready?"
Dark Samus hissed while Fox nodded. The two disappeared
Stage: Bridge of Eldin
Rules: 3 stocks, items medium
Music: Title (Legend of Zelda) (Brawl remix)
3
In a cloud of Phazon, Dark Samus appeared
2
Once again Fox ejected from his Arwing.
1
Fox's ears twitched at the annoyed, feral huffs of Dark Samus.
GO!
Fox immediately withdrew his laser pistol, firing with a quickness only he could manage. Meanwhile, amidst the sudden start, Dark Samus could only fire a slow, lumbering missile. Fox smiled, not breaking from the rapid laser fire.
I could set a metronome to this thing, mused Fox.
And so, at the right moment, Fox activated his reflector. He had to suppress a laugh as the missile suddenly gained all kinds of momentum, careening towards an unsuspecting Dark Samus. The creature howled in shock and jumped over Fox. Again, Fox caught the sounds of its breathing. Its jump form was just like Samus', but the wheezes he heard betrayed fear, something nowhere near ready to launch a counter.
Fox unleashed a volley of kicks without thought, the last of the nine kicks knocking it into the Blast Zone.
Dark Samus: 2
Fox: 3
"WOW! AND FOX JOINED THE NO DAMAGE CLUB!" 9-Volt shrieked.
"For a stock," Cranky muttered, sounding completely unimpressed.
Fox fell to his stomach. With one arm behind his back, Fox executed a few one-handed push-ups, springing to his feet as Dark Samus appeared, immediately charging. The Phazon warrior unleashed a missile at point-blank range, too quickly for even Fox to react to. Shaking away to blinding flash, Fox found himself on the receiving end of a few slashes of Death's Scythe.
"Cocky cocky, and Fox lets Dark Samus grab an item," tutted Cranky, "He should know better."
"I mean," 9-Volt offered, "You're not wrong."
Fox ducked the next swing, Dark Samus growling and spitting as it winded up. Fox scored one desperation kick, but the ghoulish visage of Samus was wise enough to throw the item, colliding with an unsuspecting Fox. He tripped over something, a Pokeball. Using the confusion to dart under Dark Samus' legs, he unleashed the Pokemon.
"KEEYAH!" the unmistakable cry of a Staryu echoed over the gloomy bridge.
Dark Samus was too hellbent on chasing after Fox to notice the star Pokemon spin into position, grunting as it floated upright. Pelted with the stars of a Swift attack, Dark Samus was a prime target for a volley of laser blasts from its other side. A flying spinning kick was enough to once again knock Dark Samus into the Blast Zone.
Dark Samus: 1
Fox 3
Fox once again fell to pushups as Smash Stadium erupted.
"Wow!" balked 9-Volt, "Two matches in and we're well on our way to the first three stock of Round 2.
Just as the words left his mouth, Dark Samus plummeted from the Revival Platform with an unhinged shriek, ax kicking an unsuspecting Fox. His head smacked the stone, his body going limp.
"It's like I always say boy," Cranky laughed, "Do stupid things, get your games relegated to stupid accessories."
9-Volt could only gasp in shock as Dark Samus unsheathed its version of the Grapple Hook to break a Smash Ball open with Fox's limp form.
"You've never said that! Ever!" accused 9-Volt as the beating continued.
"Somebody has to say a great saying for the first time right?" Cranky shrugged just as the Ball broke open.
Just as Dark Samus unleashed its Zero Laser, a Fake Smash Ball made its appearance, rolling it towards Fox and causing it to explode. The two titanic forces sent Fox to the Blast Zone quickly and easily.
Dark Samus: 1
Fox: 2
"That…" 9-Volt choked back bile, "Had to be one the gnarliest eliminations in Smash history."
"Yeah," Cranky agreed, "And if Fox is smart, which I question given his most recent behavior, he'll put this thing away now. Elsewise it'll be nothing but pain for him 'an the rest of the field."
Fox leaped down from the Revival Platform, first executing a running shin kick, and a full-on spinning wheel kick only for Dark Samus to artfully slide away. It began to charge a charge shot, while Fox, fangs bared, fired his laser as fast as he could. Then, the thing laughed. Fox had heard the conceited chortle of many lunatics all around the galaxy, but somehow, this was the one that made his fur stand on end. He was the hunted Dark Samus was the hunter.
"And…Fox stops firing," Cranky remarked on the frozen Fox, "What a f-"
"WATCH OUT!" cried 9-Volt.
Fox saw the Bomber and Charge Shot flying at him in tandem too late, the latter breaking the former in a massive explosion. Fox scrambled to his feet in a mad dash for the warrior made of Phazon, in order to stop the Charge Shot it conjured. But Fox had charged blindly, angrily, and hadn't seen the other obstacle. Dark Samus had brought a Pyukumuku to the field via a Pokeball, its disarmingly wet, fleshy fist slamming into him as soon as he jumped.
"And that's what happens when you don't fight smart," tutted Cranky
This followed by Phazon fire from Dark Samus' arm cannon, meant he was the perfect target for a Charged Shot, knocking him into the Blast Zone
Dark Samus: 1
Fox: 1
Fox heard Lord Bulbo's trampling before he even saw the boar. That made his decision easy, leap down and grab Dark Samus by its burning Phazon skin. King Bulblin, the ugly creature atop Lord Bulbo, dropped the payload, a thick, stone bomb.
"I go down," hissed Fox, kneeing Dark Samus in the solar plexus, "You go down with me,"
Again, it laughed at him.
"SHUT UP!" demanded Fox, kneeing it in the head.
The bomb exploded, sending them to the top Blast Zone. Fox felt something burning wrap around his neck, Phazon. With minimal effort, Dark Samus whipped down and straight through the new hole in the bridge. Fox concentrated, feeling the fire power bubble and boil within him.
"FIYAH!" Fox cried.
And, like he had a million times, Fox reached out to the ledge, grabbing it. The only difference this time was that before him stood a seething, drooling monster. Again, Dark Samus grabbed him with the Grapple Hook, this time jerking him forward. Fox felt the overhand chops descend upon his head. Perfect Chozo form, somehow, from a monster. Like it was batting away a troublesome bug, Dark Samus dismissed him to the other side of the bridge.
9-Volt's voice came through gritted teeth as he watched Fox bounce off the bridge, skidding to a halt, "Oof, and a rough landing for McCloud,"
"I mean, Fox's career got rough all the way back on the Gamecube, but that's a story for another story."
Slowly, agony in his every wheezing breath, Fox stood. Teeth gritted and legs shaking like the bone had been replaced with jelly. Dark Samus closed in on him, a Charge Shot at full power judging by the glint from its arm cannon. Then, a portal of Twilight appeared, flakes of the dark substance falling as it repaired the bridge.
"Cranky, look at Dark Samus!" 9-Volt observed.
The creature had its head cocked, reaching out timidly to touch the Twilight. Fox smiled through the pain like he always had, now was his chance.
"And Fox is firing lasers!" Cranky called the action, "Boy's finally got his head on right,"
The pelting of pink bolts aside, Dark Samus charged, Fox, throwing his hips into a kick, both legs connecting with the animalistic fighter. A Fake Smash Ball dropped where Dark Samus had been, and instantly Fox realized his mistake. A true Smash Ball landed within arms reach of Dark Samus. It snapped off a Charge Shot, and the power transferred to it immediately. Fox jumped up as it unleashed the Zero Laser. Once again, his blood boiled hot as he conjured his next attack.
"FIYAH!"
Fox could see the ground as he landed, but even so, his legs clipped the laser, sending him backward into the final brunt of energy, which knocked him into the Blast Zone.
GAME!
Smashers' Box
Two noises eclipsed all else in the massive auditorium. Ridley's celebratory screeches, and Krystal's uproarious laughter. On-screen, Dark Samus pirouetted with an apparition of itself, cocking its arm cannon as the splash screen declared DK's opponent.
DARK SAMUS WINS!
Fox begrudgingly clapped, his face twisted into a sickened frown, as if he could hear Krystal's maniacal laughter, the blue fox now resorted to kicking her feet in the air as Rita interviewed Fox.
"You forfeited a three-stock lead out there," Rita explained, "Can you take us through that?"
"One of the many sayings of my mentor, General Peppy Hare is…" Fox paused, swallowing so loudly the camera picked it up, "He always used to say, "Keep your wits about you, and I just…didn't. Up to a certain point, it was the best I've ever done in a tournament and I let it slip away. Maybe…"
He paused again, this time batting away tears.
"Maybe Krystal's right," he concluded, stomping up the tunnel.
Dark Samus' angry growl could be heard before she could even come on camera, Mister Zero being snatched by the lapels of his suit mid-introduction.
"WHEN WILL YOU UNDERSTAND!" Dark Samus roared, "NO ONE. SURVIVES ME!"
"Was the crowd chanting along with that?" Samus demanded as Dark Samus let go of Mister Zero, "And where did that thing learn so many words? It's never been this verbal before."
"Yes," Ridley sneered, "And I've been teaching it words, little by little."
Samus rolled her eyes, shooting the stink eye at her worst enemy, "Great because that's what it means,"
As Fox came through the tunnel, Krystal stood atop a chair, clapping as sarcastically as possible. Fox immediately turned to her, showing his fangs, "I'd like to see you try to get one over on Travis!"
Krystal bore her fangs back, "I will! And it's all because I've been training with my new beau. Right Vergy?" she cooed, shooting flirtatious eyes at Vergil.
The Son of Sparda only nodded in her direction. That was enough for Dante to gag.
"Alright guys," Otis barked, "Luigi, you're in Tunnel A. Captain, you're in Tunnel B."
"YES!" Captain Falcon cheered, immediately sprinting down the tunnel.
Luigi was much more subdued. Reading over the same piece of paper he'd been reading all morning, he shuffled to Tunnel A, but Mario stopped him, "What the hell are you reading?" he asked worriedly.
"A fan letter," called Daisy from the seat next to the one Luigi had occupied.
"What fan could be so interesting?" Mario asked.
"Someone who calls himself Mr.L," Luigi muttered.
Mario's eyebrows perked up, "That's concerning-a, if he knows about that spell of your career. Give it to me, and we'll have ROB do some analysis on it."
Luigi sighed, handing over the letter. He breathed in, then out, hopping on his toes, and marching down the tunnel.
"YEAH!" cheered Daisy, "That's the stride I like to see."
But Mario was too absorbed in the letter.
Dear Luigi,
I am what you may consider an admirer, for we have many things in common. A brother in whose shadow we make our home, and an affinity for the color green for one…