Chapter 4: My Sanctuary
The next morning, Aqua came down to breakfast with an unnervingly happy expression on her face. Vanitas stopped midway through peeling a Heroic Orange. "Uh… Should I be worried about something?" he asked.
"I've got a great idea!" she beamed. So that was a yes, then. "Remember Disney Town?"
Vanitas gagged. "How could I forget?! That World was completely disgusting."
"Disgusting?! I thought it was cute…" Aqua pouted. Of course she would find such a wretched place 'cute'.
He rolled his eyes. "It looked like a rainbow threw up on a bunch of cartoon animals." Honestly, all those eye-bleeding, mismatched colors and repetitive, annoying music were absolutely vile. He couldn't have left fast enough.
"If you hated Disney Town, then how come the Unversed were playing games?" Aqua asked.
"No idea. They're only supposed to be influenced by negativity, but something about that place made them act all… 'toony. Honestly that whole World kinda creeped me out."
"I thought you weren't scared of anything," she teased.
"I said it was creepy, not scary. Something about animals walking and talking is just… unnatural." Vanitas knew he was one to talk about unnatural.
"Uh huh. You know, I had a lot of fun at the Dream Festival. I mostly just helped Horace with Fruitball, but there was racing, ice cream…"
Ice cream? Vanitas perked up. Damn, maybe he should've stuck around, after all.
"So I was thinking… Maybe we could play Fruitball!" Aqua triumphantly pointed to the Heroic Orange in his hand.
"Sorry, I'm fresh out of giant cartoon fruit," he deadpanned.
"You can't make them bigger?" she asked, disappointed.
Vanitas contemplated the Orange. "I don't… think so?" It wasn't as if giant fruit could fit inside a Prize Pod.
"Then what should we do about the ball…?"
Just what was Aqua planning? Maybe he shouldn't have doubted her craftiness. He thought she would've learned her lesson from yesterday that hanging around him was a bad idea.
"Any particular reason you wanna play Fruitball?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.
"I just thought you could use a little fun in your life," she answered gently. "I know you've been pretty bored lately…"
Fun…?
Dueling Aqua was fun. Manipulating Ventus was fun. Playing games with giant fruit… not so much. Not that he'd ever tried it… Sports were kind of like sparring, right? Maybe he should go along with Aqua's little scheme.
"A ball, huh?" Vanitas rested his chin on his hand in a contemplative posture. "Maybe if we cast Sleep on a Darkball…"
"No way!" Aqua gaped. "We are not using a Heartless. That's totally inhumane!"
"Good thing I'm not human," he grinned. "Besides, Heartless don't feel pain."
She shook her head. "How about I take care of the ball situation, and you set up the net."
"Fine by me," Vanitas shrugged. Somehow, he had a feeling today might actually be a good day.
XXXXXXXXXXXXX
Aqua wrinkled her nose. The old storage closet was full of dust and a musty odor which filled the air. This part of the Castle must not have been in use even when it was in the Realm of Light. It wasn't as if other parts of the Castle were layered in dust.
Despite the smell, Aqua was hopeful she would find what she was looking for; it was here she had discovered the chess set from yesterday. Passing shelves packed with various items, she saw rusted jousting and archery equipment, as well as a dartboard which was in fairly good shape. Maybe she'd have a use for that later. Finally, Aqua found what she was looking for; a brown leather ball.
A thump from behind startled her. She turned around, expecting to see a Heartless, but there was nothing there. Aqua blinked and coughed out some dust. Assuming she must've imagined it, she exited the storage closet into the hallway. Shiny suits of armor lined the walls, the candlelight reflecting off their metal surfaces. She heard a creak and turned around.
Had that armor just moved? Or was her mind playing tricks again? Aqua summoned her Keyblade and approached slowly, lifting the armor's helmet to peer inside. Instead of seeing a Heartless like she'd expected, it was empty. Aqua placed the helmet back on the armor, but couldn't help the eerie feeling of being watched.
Unnerved, she returned to the ballroom to find Vanitas directing several Bruisers. They had removed the red curtains from the walls, stretching them at either end of the room to create makeshift goals with a net dividing it down the center.
"No you idiot, my left," Vanitas scolded a Bruiser which shuffled a little, the end of the curtain grasped tightly in its claws. "Honestly…" He pinched the bridge of his nose before turning to Aqua. "You found a ball, huh?"
"Mhm," she nodded before glancing at the Bruisers. They were eyeing her in what could only be interpreted as an aggressive manner. "Vanitas, are you sure they're safe?" she asked worriedly, remembering the Bruiser that'd attacked her her first day in the Castle.
"Huh? Yeah, of course. Why wouldn't they be?"
She gave him a pointed look.
He raised his hands. "Hey, I summoned these on purpose. They ain't gonna do nothing unless I give the word."
"If you say so…" Aqua wasn't entirely convinced. It was rather odd, seeing the Unversed serve such a mundane task. She startled and took a step back as Vanitas summoned several hopping Shoegazers. "What are those for?"
"Isn't this a team sport?" he asked, placing his hand upon a Shoegazer's head until it stopped bouncing.
Aqua eyed the Shoegazers warily. Honestly the thought of doing anything with or near the Unversed made her uncomfortable. Vanitas sometimes acted as though they had minds of their own, and if the incident with the Thornbite was any indication, he didn't have complete control over them.
"…I don't need those things," Aqua said. "I can do this on my own."
"Suit yourself," Vanitas shrugged, dissolving the Unversed into a black mist and reabsorbing them through his palms.
Aqua observed the room. The Bruisers were still glaring at her, but she ignored them. She and Vanitas had procured goals, a net, and a ball, but something was still missing. "We'll need some sort of timer—" A ticking Chrono Twister popped into existence, making her jump and almost drop the ball. "Would you stop that?!"
"Stop what?"
"Making Unversed!" she said exasperatedly.
Vanitas shot her a dark glare. "Oh, well excuse me for having feelings," he snarled sarcastically. "If you have some secret way of getting rid of emotions, Master Aqua, then please share."
Aqua frowned at his sudden aggression. She didn't want their conversation to devolve into another fight. "Vanitas, please… let's just play Fruitball."
He blinked and —as sudden as it had come— his glare was gone, replaced by thoughtful amusement. "Is it really Fruitball if it's not a fruit ball?"
She took a second to process his question, still trying to shake off his sudden mood swings. Would she ever get used to those? "I guess we could call it 'Ball-ball'…"
Vanitas snorted. "Fruitball is fine." He turned his attention to the Chrono Twister. The hourglass-shaped Unversed steadily twitched back and forth, most of its purple sand having run to the bottom as she and Vanitas had talked. He tapped it and the Unversed flipped over, allowing its top portion to fill again. "I set it for twenty minutes. Is that okay with you?"
"Sure," Aqua said, walking to her side of the net while twirling the ball in her hands. "Do you know how to play?"
"I think I've got the basic idea," he smirked. "You ready to lose this time?"
"Guess again!" Aqua scoffed playfully. She'd wipe that arrogant smirk off his face. "Ready?"
Vanitas nodded. Aqua hiked the ball into the air, then served it over the net. Vanitas jumped up, missing the ball by inches as it soared into his goal.
"Give up yet?" Aqua called as he retrieved the ball.
Vanitas grit his teeth. "I'm just getting started," he growled before taking his turn.
Almost twenty minutes later, the two Keyblade Wielders were tied for points. Aqua glanced at the Chrono Twister; it was almost out of sand. If she tried, she could score another point and win. But Vanitas had been so upset after losing last time… Aqua made her decision. She purposefully let her fingers brush past the ball and it flew directly into her goal. Vanitas's whoop of joy was cut off by the sudden casting of Stopga by the Chrono Twister. After a few seconds the time-stopping spell wore off. Vanitas was grinning.
"I won!" he stated proudly.
"Yes, you did," Aqua smiled at him. "Did you have fun?"
Vanitas tilted his head. "Does it matter? I won! Now we have to spar."
"What? But you lost at chess!" she said indignantly. Had he really not enjoyed himself? Or… did he not understand the concept of fun?
"Yeah, but I won at Fruitball," he countered.
Aqua snorted. "I suppose you did." She resisted the urge to roll her eyes. Vanitas's habits were a bad influence. "So what?"
"What do you mean, 'so what'? So I get to choose what's next, that's what!" he said pompously. "And I say we spar!"
Aqua crossed her arms. Perhaps she shouldn't have let him win, after all. He was acting absolutely obnoxious.
"Why don't you wanna spar? Afraid you're gonna lose again?" he goaded.
"You didn't say anything about win or lose conditions," she said in an annoyed tone. "I call best two out of three."
"Fine, whatever," Vanitas huffed. "So, what's the third thing?"
"Well…" Aqua scratched her head thoughtfully. "Disney Town had a speedway for racing, but neither of us have Keyblade Gliders."
"Who said we need Gliders? Glidewinders will do just fine. We can each ride on one of those."
Aqua blanched. "Maybe we should just have a footrace."
Vanitas shook his head. "That's not nearly as fun. Besides, I think we both know who the slow one is," he smirked.
"We don't have a racetrack, and we'd probably wreck the Castle racing in here," she pointed out.
"There's a path in the gardens. I saw it from the windows."
"I don't know… We haven't cleared out that area yet, and I know there are Heartless out there. It could be dangerous." When was he going to give this up? She was running out of arguments.
"Like we haven't fought Heartless before," Vanitas rolled his eyes. "Come on, it'll be fine. Besides, if we meet something really tough out there, we can always outrun it. Nothing's faster than a Glidewinder!"
"I heard from Chip and Dale that Terra beat them in Rumble Racing."
"…Nothing's faster than a Glidewinder," he insisted with a slight growl.
She thought for a moment. "You… have more control over them than I do."
"I promise I won't cheat," Vanitas said rather earnestly. "Come on Aqua, please?"
Aqua sighed. She'd run out of arguments. "Oh, fine…" she conceded. "Since you did say please…"
Vanitas flashed a wide grin, and that was how Aqua found herself just beyond the red doors to the gardens, standing in front of two large, jittering Unversed. They both hovered about a foot off the ground, each of their twin engines whirling. Vanitas patted the Glidewinders' sides.
"Are you sure these things are safe?" Aqua asked nervously.
"They're about as safe as any Unversed," he shrugged. "Glidewinders are fairly non-aggressive, relatively speaking. If it makes you feel any better, they're made of Desperation, not Anger. They just don't like to sit still."
Unversed could be made out of emotions other than hate and rage? She hadn't even considered the possibility, but if they really were Vanitas's feelings then of course they would include more than just two emotions.
He hopped up on a Glidewinder, grabbing ahold of the key-shaped protrusion on the top of its head and balancing his feet on its shoulders to keep steady. "See, there's nothing to it."
Aqua bit her lip apprehensively.
"Do you trust me?" Vanitas asked, holding out his hand.
'No,' she wanted to say. Or rather, she didn't trust his Unversed. Giving a long, drawn out sigh, Aqua took his hand and used it to hoist herself up onto the other Glidewinder, cautiously placing her feet on its shoulders and gripping the key like a set of handlebars. The Unversed bucked wildly under her feet. Aqua gave a shout and held on tightly, squeezing her eyes shut. Vanitas grabbed ahold of the key and muttered something, immediately calming the creature down.
"This is a terrible idea," she said for what had to be the fifth time, opening her eyes once her stomach had settled. "What did you say to it?"
"I told it I'd rip that key straight out of its skull if it didn't settle down."
"Charming," Aqua deadpanned.
"I meant it," he smirked.
Of course you did.
"So, how do I fly this thing?" Aqua asked, peering down to meet the Unversed's twisted red eyes. She was pretty sure it was glaring back at her.
"Well…" Vanitas gave his Glidewinder's key a sharp tug and the Unversed pitched forward. "You've got your forward, and back…" He leaned backwards and the Glidewinder followed his movements. "Side to side." He twisted the key, turning the Unversed in either direction. "Not much different than your Glider, I'd imagine."
"Except my Keyblade Glider wasn't alive," she pointed out. Or likely to kill her if she looked at it funny.
"Neither are the Unversed, really," he shrugged again.
Aqua wasn't sure what to make of that. If the Unversed weren't really alive, then how could they act without Vanitas's permission? She had a suspicion he wasn't telling her everything about his fledgling emotions, which was probably true.
"Alright, we're just gonna go around the garden path, so the finish line will be right here," Vanitas explained before summoning his visor. "You ready?"
"As ready as I'll ever be," Aqua muttered dryly.
He hunched his shoulders slightly and grasped the Unversed's key in a tighter grip. "On my mark…"
She swallowed in apprehension and followed his example.
"Ready, set… and go!" Vanitas's Glidewinder surged forwards.
Aqua leaned forward on hers. The creature was slow to start, but then rocketed forwards, chasing after Vanitas. Aqua instantly knew she'd made a terrible mistake; this was nothing like flying a Keyblade Glider! The Unversed bucked and twisted under her grasp, seemingly forgetting its master's previous threat and was now determined to shake her lose. She was pretty sure she was screaming, but was drowned out by the wind whistling in her ears and Vanitas's wild laughter from up ahead.
This is it; I'm going to die. I'm going to die and it's all his fault.
A sharp corner was coming up. Aqua twisted the Glidewinder's key, but it wasn't paying any attention to her. At the last second, it swerved on a dime, still following Vanitas down the path. Aqua almost lost her balance due to the momentum. The Unversed wasn't obeying her commands at all, she realized; just following its master without any regards for the safety of its passenger.
Trees whipped past in a blur of green. She felt dizzy —borderline nauseous— and suddenly very, very cold. Something was wrong. This wasn't regular motion sickness; rather, it was as if something was pressing in on her chest, five points of icy, burning pressure around her heart. Aqua faintly gasped for breath as she crouched on the Glidewinder, no longer paying attention to where it was taking her. Her grip on the Unversed's key was slackening, her entire body going weak and numb. The World around her turned grey.
What's… happening…?
Was she dying? It wouldn't surprise her. The Realm of Darkness had been trying to kill her ever since she'd set foot in this dreadful place, this hellish World of monsters where warmth and Light and happiness faded into a timeless abyss. There was no escape; this World would be her grave. Everything was just so… hopeless. Futile. In vain.
Maybe I should just give in… fade away into the Darkness…
But… wasn't there someone I was supposed to protect…? Someone I needed to wake up…?
She tried to recall who, but his name escaped her like a dying breeze. Aqua could barely contemplate how empty she felt before the World spun and everything faded to black.
XXXXXXXXXXXXX
Vanitas heard a thump as Aqua's Glidewinder tore past him, its rider absent. He slowed his own Unversed, turning back to see Aqua laying on the ground. He jumped off his Glidewinder and ran to her, the now riderless Unversed zipping away down the path.
"Aqua? What's wrong?" he asked worriedly. Aqua was just lying there, chest rising and falling, but otherwise dead to the World. Vanitas checked for blood, but she had no injuries to speak of. She was just… sleeping. Was she playing some sort of prank on him? Vanitas knew Ventus liked to do that kind of thing with her and Terra, at least when they were younger… But if this was a joke, he wasn't laughing.
"Aqua, get up. This ain't funny." He shook her shoulder but her eyes remained closed. Vanitas tried to bite back his mounting Panic. "Please, Aqua," he begged. Not for the first time in his life, Vanitas wished he'd learned Curaga. He tried to bring up the feeling of Disgust in order to summon a Vile Phial, but he felt too Panicked and created a Yellow Mustard instead.
"Damn it, not you!" Vanitas howled, grabbing the electric pot-shaped Unversed and smashing it against the ground. He ignored the jolt of lightning and pain that raced up his arm. Suddenly, he heard a strange noise coming from the direction of the trees. Looking up, Vanitas saw a dark puddle slither across the ground towards him and Aqua. "Stupid Shadows, why can't you just—?" The growl died in his throat as the Heartless emerged from the puddle.
It wasn't one of the small Shadows, like those that infested the Castle. This Heartless was tall, with a hunched posture and swaying limbs tipped with razor-sharp claws. Blue veins crisscrossed its body, its long antennae almost touching the ground. More were emerging from the trees, their unblinking yellow eyes fixated upon their prey, like dozens of stars in the gloom.
Neoshadows.
Vanitas froze, eyes wide. His chest felt so tight that he couldn't breathe.
XXXXXXXXXXXXX
The boy choked on the dust-filled air, the glare of the hot sun beating down on him as he stood before his Master in the middle of the Badlands. Dark, eerie shapes surrounded him, monsters his Master had summoned. The monsters leapt upon him, tearing at his flesh. His Master was shouting at him from the cliff, something about using his power, letting the Dark storm within him run its course, but he couldn't do it. It was hopeless.
He would rather die.
XXXXXXXXXXXXX
The Neoshadows were closing in. Hatred pumped thick and black through Vanitas's veins. Hatred for that worthless, spineless coward he used to be; that weak little boy who refused to stand up against the Heartless, refused to embrace his Dark impulses, refused to sharpen his fear into rage; a complete failure. Back then he had been terrified and alone. But now… now he was never truly alone.
Dread and Terror sharpened into beaks and talons. A mixed flock of Archravens and Axe Flappers winged their way into the sky before dive-bombing the Neoshadows, clawing and pecking at their beady yellow eyes. One Heartless approached closer than the others, arching its long talons over Aqua's sleeping form.
"Get away from her! She's mine!" Vanitas screamed, swinging his Keyblade into the Neoshadow's face. Void Gear lodged itself inside the creature's thick skull. He spun around and fried another Heartless with a black bolt of Dark Thundara. The Neoshadows had finally caught the Archravens and Axe Flappers in their talons, tearing the Unversed into shredded hunks of wet, black gore. Vanitas flinched at the phantom pain of claws raking down his spine as his Fear returned to him twofold. He needed Aqua, fast.
"Aqua! Aqua, wake up!" Vanitas grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her like a rag doll.
"Ven…?" she groaned.
"I am NOT Ventus!" he snarled and slapped her across the cheek.
Aqua's eyes popped open. "Ow! What was that for—?" She gasped and jumped to her feet, staring around in bewilderment.
"You fell asleep!" Vanitas spat, calling Void Gear to his hand and swiping at another Heartless.
"I didn't—" She dodged an incoming strike from a Neoshadow and summoned her own Keyblade.
The Heartless were surrounding them, their Darkness cold and oppressive. Vanitas could vaguely sense Aqua's Light at his back, but it did little to sooth his panicked mind. His instincts screamed at him to run, but he felt rooted to the spot. Vanitas eyed the Neoshadows wildly, glancing from one doll-like face to the next. "Stay back!" he hissed. Void Gear shook in his trembling hand. Why, why, WHY couldn't he fight them?
"Vanitas! Don't just stand there, do something!" Aqua shouted.
He shed his Fear the only way he knew how. Floods poured from his back, dozens of the little purple Unversed hiding in their own quivering puddles. Snarling like an animal, Vanitas swept his Keyblade in a wide arc, a blast of Dark Firaga blazing from the tip. A terrible burning smell filled the air as the Heartless were lit ablaze by the black fire, the creatures making horrible shrieking cries despite their lack of mouths. Maybe Heartless did feel pain. He ran Void Gear through another Neoshadow, ignoring the pain as the creature's claws tore into his arm.
Aqua fended off several more Neoshadows. Those that had not been lit on fire she froze with Blizzaga, shattering their frozen bodies with her Keyblade. Soon the two Keyblade Wielders stood panting in the middle of a pile of shattered, reeking, melting corpses. Vanitas wordlessly turned away from the dying Heartless and walked back down the path towards the courtyard. Aqua followed silently. He shoved open the large red doors to the courtyard and Aqua pushed past him to sit on the pool's stone edge, nursing her injured cheek.
Vanitas slammed the doors shut behind him and dismissed his visor, rounding on her. "What the fuck was that?! You could've gotten us both killed!"
Aqua's head snapped up. "If I recall, you were the one who wanted to go into the gardens in the first place!" she yelled back.
"You fell asleep!" he insisted.
Aqua rubbed her cheek. "You hit me!"
"Don't play pathetic princess, Aqua," Vanitas scoffed. "We both know you're strong enough to take it."
She glared daggers at him. "This isn't about what I can take!"
Any retort he might have mustered died on his lips at the sight of her piercing blue eyes. Vanitas looked away uncomfortably, unable to meet her gaze. Aqua hated him. She had every right to, he supposed. A slap to the face probably wasn't the most pleasant way to wake up. Although, Vanitas wouldn't know; Xehanort had always kicked him instead.
There was a strange new emotion in his chest, heavy and unpleasant; something stronger than Regret. It wanted to become a Mandrake, but letting out another Unversed wouldn't do him any favors at the moment, so he buried the feeling. Instead, Vanitas turned his attention towards Aqua. She was sitting with her legs crossed, pointedly not looking at him. The mark where he'd slapped her stood out red against her cheek and was slowly purpling into a bruise.
"I didn't mean to hurt you," he murmured, sitting down a little ways away from her. He really hadn't, but then he'd never been good at holding back.
"…I know," Aqua said, not meeting his eyes. Her Light was now more sharp than sweet.
They continued to sit in silence. Vanitas curled his hands into loose fists. While there was no chance of the Regret —or whatever it was— escaping from him now, it still felt heavy in his heart. He used to want to cause Aqua suffering, but that had been before she'd saved his life. Seeing her in pain just wasn't fun anymore.
Vanitas swallowed thickly. "Aqua, I could try… I wanna make it better."
She sighed and slowly turned towards him, her face still set in a disappointed frown. "…Alright," she conceded.
Vanitas scooted closer and hovered his hand over the mark, careful to not let his fingertips touch her face. He tried to think of positivity; the relief that they were alright, the satisfaction he'd had at winning Fruitball…
Warmth flowed through his heart, similar to how it felt whenever Ventus had a positive emotion. But this wasn't some dim feedback from his other half's heart. This was real. Slowly, ever so slowly, a sparkling green light trickled from his fingertips and swirled around Aqua's cheek. The bruise lightened from a deep purple to a faint pink.
Aqua gingerly rubbed her face. "You can cast Cure now," she said, surprised.
"Yeah, I guess I can," Vanitas said in wonder, flexing his fingers as the green light faded.
A small smile tugged at her lips. "…That's wonderful, Vanitas. It really is." Her Light sweetened with her words. Vanitas felt a surge of pride which helped flush out the heavy, Regret-like emotion. "You're hurt too," Aqua said, indicating to where his Dark Suit was stitching up over the claw marks on his arm.
"It's nothing," he said dismissively, ignoring a twinge of pain. I'm not weak.
She shook her head and cast Cura over him anyway, instantly sealing up the wounds. Vanitas rubbed his arm, once again marveling at the tingling sensation. It really was quite pleasant… Maybe next time he should just swallow his pride and let her heal him.
"May I confess something?" Aqua asked suddenly.
"Go ahead."
"Just before I fainted, I suddenly felt drained, empty, as if… as if I didn't have any positive emotions anymore."
Vanitas was well versed with that feeling.
"I was just thinking, I've never had such prolonged contact with an Unversed…" She let the implication hang in the air.
"You think I did something to you on purpose." For some reason it hurt that she would think that.
Of course she would, a little voice hissed. You've done nothing but hurt her, lately.
Okay, he had to admit hitting her was his fault. But draining her positivity? Was it even possible for an Unversed to do that, close proximity or not? It didn't make any sense.
Vanitas shook his head. "The Unversed only feed on negative emotions. They can't steal your positivity."
"Of course; Master Eraqus said they feed on negativity." Aqua let out a breath. "I'm sorry I blamed you. I just know so little about them, and so little about you. You've told me you hate the Heartless, but it's more than just that, isn't it. I've never seen you so…" She bit her lip.
"Weak? Helpless?" he supplied, trying not to let his voice betray his emotions.
"Paralyzed. I've never seen you react to a Heartless like that. I… I want to help you through this, whatever this is."
Should he tell her? He'd be admitting another weakness. But she'd already noticed, and he couldn't afford her abandoning him if he froze up again.
"…Neoshadows are what Xehanort used to train Ventus, back when he first wanted us to create the X-Blade," Vanitas explained.
Aqua's eyes widened. "But Ven— You were just a kid. He made you fight those alone?"
"You think Xehanort cared?" he asked bitterly.
"No, I suppose I don't. It's just… That's awful," she whispered.
Can't argue with you, there.
"Xehanort wanted Ventus—" Vanitas swallowed thickly. "He wanted me to sharpen my fear into rage. To give in to the Darkness so I could balance it within myself. But I couldn't. I was so scared…" He clenched his fists in his lap. "This time, those Neoshadows were surrounding me and I thought I was back there and I was gonna die again. It's stupid. I'm not a little kid anymore. I was being path—"
"That's not pathetic! Vanitas that's— Anyone would be scared by that. It's okay to be afraid," Aqua said earnestly. "I'm scared of a lot of things. I'm scared I won't ever see my friends again. I'm scared I'm going to be stuck in the Dark World forever." Her eyes were glistening as she pulled a shiny object out of the belt of her skirt. It was a blue star-shaped charm. Vanitas hadn't noticed it before.
She gripped the charm tightly. "I know you hate my friends, but… I need them. I'm so worried about them. I have to get back h-home." Her voice became choked and forced the more she spoke. Aqua began to cry, her face turning red and water leaking out of her eyes. Vanitas couldn't help but stare with a mixture of incredulity and disgust. Had he looked this gross when he cried?
"Shut up, Aqua. Stop it," Vanitas said in an attempt to calm her down. She just cried harder at that. He hadn't even known Aqua was the type of person to cry; she was always so strong. No matter how much being a Keyblade Master was a sham, it didn't seem right for a Master to cry.
What was he supposed to do? The only other time he'd heard a person cry besides himself was Cinderella, and she'd had Terra and the old fairy to magic her troubles away. Vanitas didn't know words of comfort like Terra; all his magic was steeped in Darkness. What had Xehanort done for him when he'd cried? Well, the old man had just laughed at him. That obviously wouldn't help. What did normal people do to make each other feel better? They… hugged, right? Like Cinderella and the Prince. Well, there was no way in hell he was doing that.
Instead, Vanitas took in a deep breath and awkwardly patted her shoulder. At least she didn't flinch away from him. "Aqua, you're stronger than this," he said, frantically trying to think of something to cheer her up. "It's not your fault you fainted. You're just tired from playing Fruitball, that's all. Just… please stop crying," he finished weakly. The magic word wasn't working, either.
Aqua tried wiping her eyes with the back of her glove, but the tears wouldn't stop. "It's just… I don't know what to do. Terra and Ven need me, but I'm stuck here and you still h-hate me…" she sobbed.
Vanitas blinked, lips parted in surprise. Did he hate her? He should, shouldn't he. Vanitas had hated everyone and everything in all the Worlds since the day he'd been born.
He hated the Unversed, both for being the disgusting physical manifestations of his own weakness and the constant agony they caused him. He hated Ventus for being weak, cowardly, and spoiled, for rejecting him when they'd been so close to becoming whole. He hated Xehanort for tearing him apart and starting this entire mess in the first place, for tort— training him to the point of exhaustion and tears and then laughing at his pain.
Aqua had caused him pain, too. From the sting of her magic and the bite of her Keyblade —whether through his own flesh or that of his Unversed— to shattering the X-Blade and therefore his heart, ruining his one chance of salvation and trapping him down here in the Darkness…
It should be easy to hate her. In fact, just thinking about what she'd done, how she had wronged him, should bring it boiling up to the surface, but… the feeling just wasn't there. His Hatred for Aqua… Where had it gone? Vanitas peered into the depths of his heart, seeking the missing emotion. His search brought up his Annoyance towards her, his Frustration and Anger. There was Embarrassment, too. Spite, Bitterness, Confusion…
Vanitas turned them over and examined them one by one. There were so many negative emotions, yet the one he was looking for was gone. That wasn't all; others were missing too, or were at least dampened. In place of his Loneliness, Hunger, and Boredom was a different feeling, the soothing warmth he had only ever felt through his connection to Ventus, something he was too scared to name lest the emotion slip away.
Had Aqua given this to him? This… positivity? An emotion he could savor, hold close and nestled deep within his heart? And in exchange, what had he given her? Accusations, insults, and pain? Looking up at Aqua's tear-streaked face, Vanitas felt both Sorrow and Regret. Not for himself, but for her.
"I don't hate you, Aqua," he murmured. Not anymore.
She finally looked at him, her blue eyes bloodshot and wet. "How can you not? I k-killed you."
Don't remind me.
"Well I'm not dead now, am I? And neither are you. And…" He shoved down his jealousy, if only for a moment. "I can tell you for sure that Ventus is safe."
"How do you know?" she sniffled.
"Our hearts are still connected. I don't know where he is but… I think he's sleeping."
"That's right." She wiped her face with her glove. "I put him where no one can find him."
Vanitas resisted the urge to ask where Ventus was. Somehow, it seemed wrong to think about his plan at the moment.
Aqua's tears finally dried up and she gave him a tired smile. What a relief. "I'm sorry. I guess I just had all those feelings bottled up," she said.
Vanitas gave an awkward chuckle. "I know what that's like." He leaned back. "Sometimes it's good to let them out." At least when they manifested as tears rather than monsters.
Aqua was still cradling the blue charm in her hands.
"What is that?" Vanitas asked, indicating towards it.
"Hmm? Oh, it's my Wayfinder. It's supposed to lead me back to my friends. Each of us have one." She held it out in her palms. The charm was a five-pointed star of blue-tinted glass, a similar hue to her hair and eyes. It was trimmed in silver with a shining pendant in the center, the same as the symbol on her chest.
"It's beautiful," he breathed.
"You like it? Even though it's connected to Terra and Ven?" she asked, eyebrows raised.
His face flushed slightly. "Well, I'm sure theirs aren't nearly as good as yours."
Aqua actually laughed, even though he was insulting her friends again. Vanitas's heart lit up at the sound. "I'm glad you like it," she said. "They didn't seem to appreciate it very much."
"What do you mean?"
"Well… I'm not sure Ventus really understood its significance. He was disappointed it wasn't a 'real' good luck charm because I didn't make it out of seashells."
Seriously? Ventus, you idiot; what's so great about seashells?
"So, you made this?" Vanitas asked, rubbing the back of his neck.
"Mhm," she nodded.
"…It's really good," he said, his blush deepening. What the hell? It wasn't like he was complimenting her, just telling the truth…
"Thank you. That means a lot, really," she beamed. "Terra thought I was being too girly."
He blinked. "But you are a girl. How could you be too much of a girl?"
Aqua laughed again. "I guess that really is the question, isn't it."
Vanitas tilted his head. "I don't understand. You were just crying your eyes out over them, and now you're upset with them?" Not that hearing bad things about Ventus and Terra didn't delight him, but it just seemed strange for her to say anything negative about her friends.
Aqua snorted. An odd sound, coming from her. "Well… friendships aren't perfect, Vanitas; they're not supposed to be. Sometimes people fight or disagree. What matters is that you care about each other."
Care…?
Did Aqua… care about him? Vanitas had wondered that when she'd brought him soup the other day. Cooking for him, teaching him magic, playing games, saving his life… Aqua had spent all her time with him for the past week, when she'd admitted she barely knew him, when he had hurt her and her friends. Vanitas wanted to ask, wanted to know if she cared… but the words refused to come out. He was afraid of what would happen if she said no.
A coward to the end, huh Vanitas?
It was time for a change of subject. "You really like stars, huh?" he asked, noting the Wayfinder's shape.
"Well, yes. But that's not why it's shaped like this." Aqua sat up a little straighter. "Somewhere out there, there's this tree with star-shaped fruit, and the fruit represents an unbreakable connection. So as long as you and your friends carry good luck charms shaped like it, nothing can ever drive you apart. You'll always find your way back to each other." She traced along the Wayfinder's silver edge. "Technically, you're supposed to make them with seashells, but I did the best with what I had."
Star-shaped fruit? And seashells…? Vanitas frowned and closed his eyes. Where had he seen those before?
He could see it in his mind, bright rays of sunlight reflecting against a white, sandy shoreline… The crashing sound of ocean waves and the salty tang of sea spray… The honeyed scent of tropical fruits and sharp cries of coastal birds…
…Of course. Destiny Islands. Everything came back to Sora.
The plan he had shoved to the back of his mind bubbled to the surface, along with a vortex of intrusive, whispering thoughts. If the Wayfinders were connected, then would Aqua's Wayfinder guide him to Ventus? He should just take it from her now, escape the Dark World, kill Sora, take what Ventus owes you, BECOME WHOLE.
But what about Aqua? He couldn't just leave her behind, could he?
"Vanitas, are you okay?" Aqua's anxious voice broke through his swirling thoughts. His yellow eyes snapped open and met her blue gaze, her eyes so full of pity. Of concern. Even if it was just out of Light-blinded selflessness, it made him feel… safe, somehow. Warm.
No… When he left the Dark World, it would be with her.
"You got really quiet all of a sudden…"
Vanitas cleared his throat. "I'm fine; just thinking. Can the Wayfinder lead us back to the Realm of Light?"
"Maybe…?" Aqua said uncertainly, frowning at the charm in her hands. "It hasn't really worked that way."
Well, it was worth a shot. "It's still beautiful, even if it's not a 'real' good luck charm."
She glanced back up at him. "You know, I did work a little magic on it…"
"Really? What?"
Aqua smiled warmly. "An unbreakable connection." She finally stood, looping the Wayfinder back on her belt. "I know you don't like the stars, but… I'd like to show you something. It might help."
"…Alright," Vanitas agreed and followed her back into the Castle.
XXXXXXXXXXXXX
Aqua felt a little strange inviting Vanitas into the library. It wasn't as if she owned the place, but it was the one room in the Castle where she felt the safest and happiest, almost like a home away from home. But… maybe it could become that for him, too.
"So this is where you've been spending all your time," he said, glancing around. "Not a bad spot to hang out."
"Mhm. I've always loved to read. I spent so much time in the bookstore back home, though it wasn't nearly as grand as this. This place is kind of like a sanctuary for me."
"A sanctuary…?" Vanitas mused, taking a seat on the couch in front of the fireplace.
Aqua picked a book off the shelves and handed it to him. He took it with a blank look like he wasn't quite sure what to do with it. Something she hadn't considered before crossed her mind. "Can you read?" she asked.
Vanitas scowled darkly. "Of course I can read; I'm not an idiot. I've just never had much use for books, is all. Literature doesn't exactly forge X-Blades."
"I was just curious," Aqua said exasperatedly. Vanitas's short-tempered outbursts were exhausting and she was already tired. "Why do you always think I'm insulting you?"
Vanitas blinked sheepishly. "I…" Clearly, he wasn't going to answer because he turned his attention to the book instead, silently sounding out the title. "…'Constellations'? Like those pictures in the stars?"
"Mhm." She sat next to him on the couch, casting a Fire spell to light the hearth. Vanitas scooted slightly away from her and opened the book to a random page. "See there?" Aqua said, pointing to the illustration. "That's the Kingdom Key. I could see it from the Land of Departure."
He tilted his head, curiously tracing his fingers over the page. It depicted a single line of stars with a square group of four at one end. Each star was joined together by lines illustrating the shape of a key. "You can really see all that in the stars?" he asked in wonder.
"Well yes, but you have to use your imagination," she said as he turned the page. "Oh, that's the Trinity Hearts. You could only see it in winter." This image consisted of a circular cluster of stars, three in particular shining brightly— one red, one blue, and one green.
Vanitas kept turning page after page, seemingly enraptured by the pictures. In fact, he barely even flinched when she leaned closer to him. Aqua was glad she could share this with him, the same love of stars that she, Terra, and Ventus all shared.
"I wish I'd payed more attention to the stars," Vanitas said wistfully. "It's too bad we can't see them from here."
"It really is," Aqua agreed sadly. "Everything here is just… Dark. I'm glad you're here, Vanitas. I was so scared I'd be wandering the Dark World alone, forever; that eventually I would just fade away into nothingness."
"…You're not alone," he whispered.
"Neither are you. I don't want to lose either of us to the Darkness."
Vanitas slowly closed the book and stared forlornly at the hearth, the fire reflecting in his golden eyes. "Is Darkness really so bad?"
Her first instinct was to say 'of course'. Darkness had no right to exist. It upset the balance of the Worlds, caused chaos and destruction. Xehanort, the Heartless, the Realm of Darkness itself… All were Dark, and all were evil.
Aqua leaned back and gave a deep sigh. "You have to understand; the Darkness has taken so much from me. Master Eraqus, Terra, Ven… Not to mention being trapped in the Realm of Darkness, myself."
Vanitas nodded solemnly, avoiding her gaze.
"But…"
But Vanitas had a heart of pure Darkness, and he had saved her life. Twice. Three times, if she counted what had just happened in the gardens. His eagerness to play games with her, his delight in her cooking, holding back his insults —at least towards her— and not to mention complimenting her Wayfinder… Perhaps saving his life had had a greater effect on him than she'd realized. Or maybe, deep down… Vanitas had never been as bad as she'd thought he was. If a heart of pure Darkness could perform kind and selfless acts, then was Darkness truly evil? Or perhaps a better question would be, could Darkness be used for good?
Her heart squirmed at the thought. It would be a betrayal of her values to question her Master's teachings, to sympathize with the Darkness, but wasn't that what she was already doing by helping Vanitas? He was a walking contradiction of everything Master Eraqus had ever taught her about the Darkness— which she now had to admit, wasn't much.
"You were right; I don't know anything about the Darkness," Aqua said. "I was taught to eliminate it no matter what, but maybe that wasn't the right thing to do."
'Light and Dark go hand in hand. You can't have one without the other.' Cinderella's Fairy Godmother's words came back to her once again.
"Vanitas, you say you're a heart of pure Darkness, and you used the Darkness to save me. So maybe that means… not all Darkness is bad," she concluded.
"So… you don't hate me?" he asked carefully.
Aqua's eyes widened. Was that what he'd been thinking this entire time? "Vanitas, if I hated you, would I be helping you?"
He shook his head. "That's the part I haven't figured out yet. You've already paid your debt to me. Do you want me to owe you some kinda favor?" His yellow eyes narrowed. "Do you think I'm weak?"
"What?" Aqua exclaimed, utterly baffled. "Of course not! None of that is true."
"Then why?!" he cried out, nearly shouting. "You're Light, I'm Darkness! I hurt your friends; I hurt the Worlds. Even if you don't completely hate the Darkness —which you should— why don't you hate me?"
"Can't you see things are different between us?"
"Different?" Vanitas gave a half-hearted scoff. "Aqua, I haven't changed. I've been nothing but cruel to you. I hurt you earlier."
"But you didn't want to hurt me."
"Well… no…" he mumbled slowly.
"If I recall correctly, just a week ago you said you could never use healing magic. But now you can, and that takes a great deal of positivity. I'd say that's a change. And as for hurting me, well…" She brushed her fingers along her cheek. The skin was still a bit tender, but his Cure spell had been pretty decent for a first-time casting. "Honestly you wounded my pride more than anything," she said with a slight laugh.
Vanitas still looked uncertain.
"Do you want me to hate you?" Aqua asked gently.
"I… No. I don't."
"And you said you don't hate me. Was that a lie?"
He shook his head.
Her smile widened. "Well then, how can I hate you when you don't even hate me? Sure you've hurt me, but I've hurt you, too. It's like you say. We can't change the past, but we can change the future. We don't have to fight each other anymore." Aqua curled her hand around the pendant on her chest. "You say you haven't changed, but you've done things for me I would've never expected, even things my friends wouldn't do. You called my Wayfinder beautiful; that means so much to me. And I appreciate you trying to cheer me up." She traced a finger along the pendant's hairline scratch and took a deep breath. "I guess what I'm trying to say is… I forgive you."
Vanitas stared at her in open-mouthed shock, before doing something truly odd. A genuine, almost goofy smile spread across his face, a far cry from his usual smirks. "So… if I don't hate you, and you don't hate me, then… what does that make us?"
Aqua considered his question. They weren't exactly friends, per se. But they knew each other too well to be mere acquaintances. She thought back to the first day they had met in the Realm of Darkness. Even back then, Vanitas had wanted them to survive together.
"We're allies," she said confidently.
Vanitas blinked in surprise before grinning impishly. "I thought you didn't need my help."
Amazing how two words were enough to stroke his ego. She rolled her eyes. "I think we both need each other's help. We need to look out for each other. It's what allies do."
"Yeah… Alright," he nodded.
"And I definitely don't think you're weak," Aqua said earnestly. Honestly, weak was the last thing Vanitas was.
"You… don't?"
"Not at all," she said, shaking her head. "Vanitas, you're not weak or stupid or any of those horrible things you say about yourself. In fact…" Aqua tucked a strand of blue hair behind her ear. "I think you're the smartest person I know."
"Wha— I'm not—!" he sputtered in protest. "I thought Eraqus was the smartest."
"I said he's the wisest."
His eyebrows furrowed. "What's the difference?"
"Wisdom is like… the amount of knowledge you have, and intelligence is how easily you can understand stuff and how quickly you learn. Like that Cure spell you learned in what, a week?" She leaned in, whispering her next words as though they were a secret, "Took Terra two and a half months."
Vanitas burst out laughing— not a manic cackle, but a true, genuine laugh. It was good to hear. Aqua chuckled along with him, though she resisted telling him she had learned Cure in three hours. He settled down after a minute, eyes glistening with mirthful tears. "Well, if that's the case… I guess I'll take your word for it," he said, wiping his eyes and giving her a lopsided smile.
"Just don't make me fly another Glidewinder," she said wryly. Not that he could make her hop on another one of those things anytime soon, or ever.
Vanitas gave a shaky laugh. "I won't. But… we never finished our race. How are we supposed to know who won two out of three?"
She winced. "…Maybe we should just call it a tie."
"Sounds to me like someone doesn't wanna admit she lost," he said slyly.
Aqua closed her eyes and gave an overly dramatic sigh. Fueling Vanitas's arrogance was a bad idea. When she opened them, he was once again thumbing through the constellation book.
"When you think about it, if it wasn't for Darkness, you couldn't even see the stars," he mused.
She gave him a thoughtful look. "…I hadn't thought about it that way. That's rather poetic of you."
"Poetic?" Vanitas snorted. "It's not poetic, just a fact."
They talked for a little while longer, mostly about constellations but occasionally about other things, like their favorite foods and the time Terra accidentally set fire to the Master's favorite Cherryberry tree. It made her feel a little guilty, joking about Terra without him around— when he was in danger, but the joy in Vanitas's golden eyes was almost worth it.
She wished he could've been there, raised and trained in the Land of Departure alongside her and Terra and Ven. Under Xehanort's tutelage, Vanitas never had the chance at a normal life. Of course, Aqua couldn't exactly say her own life was normal, either. She was a Keyblade Wielder, sworn to protect the Worlds from Darkness.
It made her uncomfortable to think Master Eraqus could've been wrong, that everything she knew about Light and Darkness wasn't true, but there was another explanation as to why Vanitas had saved her life, why he could be good. It was an explanation that made her much more comfortable and honestly just made much more sense. Either not all Darkness was evil, or perhaps there was more to Vanitas than just Darkness.
The Vanitas of just over a week ago wouldn't have cared if he hurt her. In fact, he probably would've done so just for fun. And he would've mocked her tears, not tried to comfort her. Something must've changed in his heart. Vanitas longed for the Light; she could see it in his eyes. Food, shelter, someone to talk to… All mundane pleasures he desperately craved but had been denied. The Darkness was hurting Vanitas; that was certain.
Aqua could do it. She could chase out his Darkness, help him find the Light. She hadn't been able to save Terra —it was her deepest regret— but Vanitas was here with her, not out on some different World or Realm. She could reach him.
"You hungry?" she asked, standing to leave.
Vanitas's stomach immediately growled in reply.
"I'll take that as a yes," Aqua grinned as he flushed slightly. "I'll go get food started." She stopped in the doorframe. "Hey, Vanitas?"
"Yeah?"
"…Maybe you're not as Dark as you think."
XXXXXXXXXXXXX
Vanitas paced in front of the fireplace, his thoughts troubled.
'Maybe you're not as Dark as you think.'
Aqua's parting words echoed in his mind. Was she saying what he thought she was saying? Did she think he had… Light in him?
No. Impossible. Aqua was just seeing what she wanted to see. She wanted him to be Ventus, that was all. She just missed her friend.
But… Vanitas flexed his fingers, calling up the healing magic of the Cure spell. The green sparkles danced around his palm. He felt it again, that soothing warmth, so much like the Light that passed through his heart from Ventus's positive emotions. But these weren't Ventus's feelings; they were his own.
A wave of nausea washed over him; Vanitas felt like he was going to throw up. The green light in his hands took on a sickly hue and fizzled out. What if he did have Light in him? He'd said it himself, a heart of pure Darkness could never use healing magic. Granted, that was all conjecture. Vanitas was the only heart of pure Darkness in existence, so it wasn't as if he had a standard to compare to.
But if he wasn't pure Darkness anymore, then what was he? Aqua believed he and Ventus had become separate people. Vanitas had dismissed her theory before, but now… How else would he have gained a Light of his own?
…Would having Light be so bad?
YES, a voice screamed in his mind. If he had Light, if he wasn't a heart of pure Darkness, then he would never be able to merge with Ventus's heart of pure Light. If something as tiny and insignificant as Sora could block out Vanitas from the other half of his heart, than certainly having his own Light would.
He would never be whole.
No, Aqua was wrong. Just because he could cast Cure and was playing nice with her for now didn't mean he had Light. Their alliance was born from circumstance, a need to protect each other from the Heartless because there were no other options. Once they returned to the Realm of Light, after what he would do to Sora and Ventus… Aqua might not hate him now, but she was going to; she would never be his friend.
Friend?! Since when do you need friends?
…Since Aqua had shown him kindness. Since Aqua was the only person in all the Worlds who didn't hate him. Despite all their fights and arguments and misunderstandings, Vanitas felt happier with Aqua than he ever had in his entire life.
Happiness. The emotion he hadn't wanted to name, the emotion which had always been out of his reach. It felt like the opposite of creating an Unversed, so warm and feather-light, something that wanted to stay close to him rather than tear itself away. Vanitas had never thought he could feel happy, or rather that he only would once he became whole. Darkness was made of negativity, so to be able to feel something as positive as happiness…
Vanitas choked back a sob. Aqua had given him happiness, and a part of him wanted to hate her for it. He had always been a heart of pure Darkness, a vessel of negative emotions. It was who and what he was. She had no right to change his heart; to do so would be more the work of an enemy than a friend. But he and Aqua weren't really friends, were they. No matter how much he wanted it. No matter how much he wished and hoped and desired, it would never be enough to make them friends.
How long had they really known each other? A couple of weeks at most? He couldn't beat a friendship of four-plus years. Ventus and Terra shared something special with Aqua, something he could never hope to be a part of. The Wayfinder was proof of that. Once they returned to the Realm of Light, Aqua would go chasing after her real friends and leave him behind.
Pathetic. He was absolutely pathetic.
Vanitas slumped on the couch and curled his arms around himself, mimicking the Scrappers of Loneliness which so desperately wished to burst from his body. And there was something else, another emotion, one much deeper and Darker. The Envy the Tremaines had felt for Cinderella as she danced with the Prince was the same he felt now for Aqua and her friends. Just like the Cursed Coach, the Symphony Master had been a regular Scrapper before feeding on the Tremaines' negativity to grow strong. It made sense, Vanitas supposed; for him, Jealousy and Loneliness had long been intertwined.
His broken heart ached. Vanitas dug his fingers tighter into his arms, hard enough to bruise. Was there even anything left in the Realm of Light? Somehow the Dwarf Woodlands and Castle of Dreams had been dragged down into the Realm of Darkness, and if those vines had anything to do with Maleficent, then the Enchanted Dominion could be here too. Who knew how many Worlds had fallen.
What if it were years before he and Aqua could escape? Their food stockpile would run dry by then, and he'd have to start sharing Prize Pods with her. Could Aqua even survive off Unversed food? How long would it take her to tire of his company? Would they both grow old and die here? Or since time didn't pass in this Realm, would they instead be immortal, living in this Castle forever?
So many questions swirled in his mind and none of them had answers, but Vanitas did know one truth. If he returned to the Realm of Light and found Ventus, if he took what his other half owed him, then Aqua would hate him forever.
What was worth more to him? What Aqua thought of him, or being whole?
It was a choice Vanitas didn't want to make. Perhaps it was for the best then, that they couldn't escape the Realm of Darkness. Unlike Aqua, he didn't have a home or friends to return to in the Realm of Light; it was in the Dark World where he had felt the least alone. As long as they stayed here, Aqua wouldn't leave him. 'Sanctuary' was how she had described the library. Well then, the Castle of Dreams was his sanctuary.
And if this was a dream, Vanitas never wanted to wake up.
Thanks for reading!