Chapter 5: Ghosts of the Past
The following week was much less hectic compared to the weeks before it. Vanitas followed Aqua around like a peaceful shadow, curling up on the couch in the library while she silently read a book or watching her while she cooked— although he never offered his help. While she had grown accustomed to his presence always being nearby, Aqua eventually had to insist that he give her some privacy, though he in turn insisted on having an Archraven follow her wherever she went.
Vanitas refused to allow Aqua to fight any of the Castle's resident Heartless by herself, much to her growing exasperation. It seemed he was afraid she would collapse at any moment, even though she hadn't felt faint since the Glidewinder incident. She still wasn't exactly sure what had caused it. Vanitas dismissed it as a fluke, but Aqua believed it was likely some ambient effect of the Dark World. Beings of Light weren't meant to survive down here, after all. It made searching for a way out even more of a priority.
Aqua removed the darts from the dartboard she and Vanitas had set up in the library and returned them to the table. While not particularly physically engaging, playing a competitive sport had done Vanitas some good. His restlessness had settled down and he'd stopped pestering her to spar. Now that she thought about it, Terra had always wanted to compete with her and Ven too, although Ventus had always been much more interested in that kind of stuff than she was. Maybe it was a boy thing.
Aqua laughed a little bit and shook her head. "The friendship between boys. It almost makes me jealous." She smiled wistfully at Vanitas's Archraven. It turned its head and glared at her out of one twisted red eye. Vanitas had assured that the avian Unversed wouldn't attack her, but she still didn't quite trust it.
What would Vanitas do, Aqua suddenly wondered, once they were in the Realm of Light? She'd been so focused on just getting there —and saving Terra and Ventus once she did— that she hadn't even considered what would happen to her current companion. She couldn't expect him and her friends to just get along. He'd said they would start fighting again, but she hoped that wasn't true.
Would he really just go back to his old ways, his old life, spreading Unversed and seeking the X-Blade? Would he go after Ven again? Aqua's stomach churned as her heart went cold with dread. If it came to that, if she had to pick between the two of them in a fight, Aqua knew who she would choose.
She would have to kill Vanitas.
The Archraven suddenly squawked and flapped its wings in irritation. Right, the Unversed fed on negative emotions; if she wasn't careful, it might attack her. Aqua took some calming breaths and opened a window to lean out on the balcony. The Archraven flew over and perched on the railing. She almost wanted to pet it, but decided against it. The avian Unversed's beak looked wickedly sharp. She found herself wishing the winged creature was larger. If it was, she and Vanitas could just fly out of the Castle. To where exactly she didn't know, but it would be better than being stuck here forever.
Aqua summoned Master Keeper and studied it. Her Master's Keyblade looked the same as always; a square silver hilt and a simple black shaft with teeth in the shape of an 'E' for 'Eraqus'. If only she could transform it into a Keyblade Glider, she could fly out of here. Master Keeper still only obeyed her half of the time. Vanitas was right. It wasn't yet hers to bear.
"If only I had Stormfall," she sighed.
"Stormfall?"
Vanitas's voice behind her made her jump. How had she not smelled him coming? Although now that she thought about it, it had been a long time since his Dark scent had been anywhere near overpowering. Perhaps she had simply gotten used to it.
"It's my old Keyblade," Aqua answered, turning to him and dismissing Master Keeper. "I know how to turn it into a Keyblade Glider, but I haven't figured out Master Keeper yet. If I could, we could just fly out of here."
"Yeah, that's what I figured." He reclined on the couch. "Xehanort never taught me how to make a Glider; he wanted me using Dark Corridors instead."
"Even if you had a Glider, you wouldn't have been able to travel the Worlds until just a little while ago. Master Eraqus only unlocked the Lanes Between after the Mark of Mastery Exam," she explained.
"Huh. You know, I did go through one of those Lanes to mess with Ventus, once," he smirked. "Wish I could've seen the look on his face, but he was wearing that Keyblade Armor of his." Vanitas frowned thoughtfully. "Say, where is that fancy Armor of yours? And your old Keyblade?"
Aqua shuffled her feet uncomfortably. "…Terra has them," she mumbled to the floor.
"You mean Xehanort has them. How the hell did he get ahold of those?"
She sank into a soft chair next to the couch and sighed. "It happened when I saved Terra. After the Graveyard, I fought him in Radiant Garden. He was so full of Darkness…" She shook her head. "Some kind of Heartless opened a portal to the Realm of Darkness. He fell in and I dived in after him."
Vanitas jolted upright. "You what?!"
Aqua held up a hand. "Please, let me finish. He was falling into the Dark World, and I tried to reach him with my Glider. It couldn't carry both of us, so I sent my Keyblade and Armor with him back up to the surface—"
"And got yourself trapped down here instead." He ran a hand through his hair. "Shit, Aqua. You ever think you're taking the selfless act a little too far?"
"I thought I was saving Terra!" she insisted. "I couldn't just abandon him! And my selflessness isn't an act. It wasn't any different than what you did for me, against those vines. But… if Xehanort really was possessing him, then that means…"
"That you didn't actually save him 'cause he's nothing but an empty shell filled with Xehanort's heart."
"That's not true!" she cried out suddenly. "He was fighting back, I know it! You're just saying that because you hate Terra!"
Vanitas recoiled and stared at her, wide-eyed. Aqua bit her lip guiltily and looked away. She hadn't meant to yell at him, but she was just so frustrated and anxious and his constant pessimism wasn't helping.
"Aqua, I— Look, I'm just trying to warn you not to get your hopes up. Even if we do escape, it's not gonna be all sunshine and rainbows up there. We already know that something bad happened to the Worlds, and I've got a hunch Xehanort's behind it. You said he had amnesia, but who else could it be? Maybe he really did manage to start a Keyblade War."
"That doesn't matter," Aqua said, shaking her head. "We have to keep fighting him, no matter what."
Vanitas sighed exasperatedly. "Been there, done that. It didn't end well."
She blinked in surprise and leaned in closer. "You fought Xehanort? When? What happened?" Did Vanitas have any knowledge of how to fight the old Master? Any weaknesses he might have?
"…It didn't end well," he repeated.
"You just said that."
"It's the truth," he said simply. "We need to be realistic. The Terra you know could be gone forever, and I don't… I'm not sure we'll be getting out of here."
"I refuse to believe that. I'm not giving up, and neither should you." It just wasn't in her nature.
"Aqua…" Vanitas's golden eyes softened. Since when could his tone be so gentle? "It's been three weeks. We haven't found anything."
"Three— Has it really been three weeks?" She sank further into the chair.
"I think so?" He tilted his head. "It's kinda hard to tell without the sun."
The sun… Just another thing she missed about the Realm of Light, along with the stars and clear blue skies, the birds singing and the wind in the trees… Aqua could barely remember what they sounded like, now. She had no idea how long she'd walked the empty, silent forests of the Dark World before meeting Vanitas.
Aqua curled her arms around herself. "It's strange. It hasn't even been a month since we met down here, but it feels like it's been so much longer than that… It's almost as if I've lost my perception of time."
"That's not surprising, seeing as time doesn't actually exist down here," Vanitas mused lightly before taking on a more ominous tone. "Maybe in the Realm of Light, it's been centuries since we've been away."
Centuries?!
Aqua make a choking noise and stared at him in mortification.
"I'm joking!" he said quickly. "I told you, Ventus is still alive. Trust me, you'd know if he wasn't."
"That's not funny!" His dark sense of humor still caught her off-guard sometimes. "But… you will tell me, right? If something happens to Ven?"
"…Of course."
Aqua nodded at that. He had been honest with her so far, though she did note the slight hesitation in his answer. She pulled out her journal and opened it to her notes. Vanitas peered at it curiously.
"I decided to start keeping a journal— Or rather, I started writing in it again," Aqua explained, running a finger down the page. "I've been keeping track of what we do, the Heartless we encounter, our food stockpile, where we've gone…"
"Well, we've cleared out the first three floors and most of the fourth," Vanitas said. "I guess we could try exploring more of the upper levels, but I doubt there's gonna be a way out of here up there."
"I know… Maybe there's some kind of dungeon? Some way underground?" she suggested.
His eyebrows creased. "What would be underground? We're trying to get out of hell, not go deeper."
"I don't know, but I'd feel like we were making progress if we weren't stuck in one place."
Vanitas hummed thoughtfully. "Well, as far as places to be stuck in go, this Castle is a pretty good spot. It could be worse. We could be in a cave somewhere, sleeping on rocks. I know I've had my fair share of that in the Badlands."
"That is true… Maybe I should be looking more on the bright side of things." Aqua sat up a little straighter and smiled broadly. "Hey, you just said something positive!"
"What?" He blinked, then scowled. "No I didn't. Just 'cause I said something could be worse doesn't mean I'm being positive."
"Uh huh, sure. So do you know a way to the lower floors?"
"I think I saw steps leading down next to the pantry," Vanitas shrugged.
"Great, we'll start there." She put her journal away and stood up, adjusting her blue skirt.
"Are you sure you're up for it?" he asked, slight worry lacing his tone.
Aqua placed her hands on her hips in mock indignation. "I'm a Keyblade Master. Of course I'm up to it."
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As she and Vanitas walked through the hallways down to the first floor, Aqua once again noticed the suits of armor lining the walls. They were completely motionless and silent, but the eerie feeling of being watched was back.
"Hey, Vanitas? I meant to ask you a few days ago… Have you seen anything strange around the Castle?"
"Huh?" He glanced over his shoulder at her. "Strange how?"
"Like objects moving around, or maybe you've felt like you're being watched?" she elaborated.
"Hmm, can't say that I have," Vanitas said, raising an eyebrow before looking forwards again. "That kinda stuff happen to you?"
"It happened before we played Fruitball."
"Maybe the Castle's haunted," he suggested darkly.
"What?!" Aqua sputtered.
"It's obvious, ain't it? When this World fell, the people lost their hearts and left their souls behind. The spirits of the damned probably still haunt these very halls." Vanitas flashed a wicked grin, his slightly prominent canine teeth gleaming in the candlelight.
She frowned, eyes still wide. "…Don't try to scare me like that." He was being especially not funny today.
Vanitas laughed. "What, is Master Aqua afraid of ghosts?"
"N-no! Of course not. Who said I was afraid? Ghosts don't exist."
…Do they?
"And here I thought it was okay to be scared," he teased. "Well, I ain't afraid of no ghost."
They continued through the kitchen, past the pantry and down a short flight of stairs into a wine cellar. Vanitas looked around disinterestedly at the barrels and wine racks, scratching at the red veins of his bodysuit.
Aqua looked around a little more thoroughly, but came up with nothing. She absentmindedly shook a green wine bottle. Maybe the Castle wasn't haunted necessarily, but she had still seen something strange on her first day here. It wasn't as if she'd forgotten about it; rather, she hadn't wanted to think about it— hadn't wanted to know what it meant, because if it had really been a ghost… Aqua set the wine bottle on the shelf with a sharp clink.
Vanitas stopped picking at his bodysuit and looked up. "What's wrong?"
Aqua took a deep breath. "I need to tell you something. I saw a… vision… of Terra, on the stairs to the ballroom."
"…He's been on your mind that much, lately?" Vanitas asked huffily, a slight bitterness tingeing his voice.
"No, this was when I first came to the Castle. It was so real and vivid… Like he was right there, like I could reach out and touch him."
Vanitas scoffed. "You mean right before I found you half-starved and unconscious? I think that's called a hallucination, Aqua."
She shook her head. "There was another time when I saw Ven. I thought it was just a dream, but now I'm not so sure…"
He huffed again. "Obviously you're just seeing things 'cause you miss the two idiots. Or maybe the Realm of Darkness is playing tricks on your mind," he said dismissively, before taking on a more serious tone. "You can't go chasing after shadows."
"But what if that really was Terra, and he's…" She couldn't say it. Saying it would make the possibility all the more real.
Vanitas caught her meaning. "If Ventus isn't dead, then why would Terra be? Xehanort would've skinned me alive if I even lay a finger on his chosen vessel. I'm sure he's taking good care of Terra's body, so don't worry about him right now."
Aqua sighed despondently. "I suppose you're right…" That wasn't exactly the most encouraging thought, but it was better than nothing.
Leaving the wine cellar and traveling down a couple of halls, they descended more stone steps and passed through a wooden door to find themselves in a pitch-black room. Aqua noticed for the first time how Vanitas's yellow eyes faintly glowed in the dark. It was kind of eerie, reminding her of wolves and other feral beasts.
She lit a Fire spell to illuminate the room. It was an armory. The firelight glinted off shiny swords and suits of armor mounted on wooden racks lining the stone walls. Walking just a little further in, Aqua was immediately accosted by the stench of Darkness. "What a horrible smell," she said, covering her nose with a gloved hand.
"It wasn't me," Vanitas said quickly.
Seriously?
Aqua rolled her eyes. "Not you; I meant the Darkness."
"Oh." He blinked and looked around. "It feels like it's coming from all around us."
Vanitas was right about that, but there was nothing to be seen. Not a single Heartless, just swords and suits of armor. The way her Fire shone off the armor, it almost looked as if it were moving. Aqua bit her lip.
Ghosts don't exist.
She summoned Master Keeper just in case. Walking to the far end of the room she found something strange, a large double door of stone upon which was an embossed carving of two gargoyles. Aqua frowned. "Hey, Vanitas," she called him over from where he was examining a rack of axes. "Look at this door. It's so different from everything else we've seen in the Castle." It was almost as if it didn't belong.
Vanitas stepped in front of her and tried the handle. "Locked," he muttered and summoned his Keyblade, pointing it at the door. "Alright, time to say open sesa— Aqua!"
In a blink, Vanitas was behind her, the clang of metal on metal reverberating in the air. She spun around to see he had flash-stepped behind her, his Keyblade locked with a sword which had no wielder attached. Her mouth went dry at the sight of it. The other swords rattled and shook on the racks as they came to life. They floated in the air, swiping and stabbing at her. Aqua fended them off but more joined the fray, a frenzied flurry of sword strikes from an unseen enemy. There were far, far too many.
She backed up into Vanitas and cast a Barrier spell around the both of them, the swords bouncing off the pink bubble of protective magic. The Barrier wasn't meant to encapsulate more than one person so she found herself pressed with her back against his. Aqua shuddered at the feeling of half-summoned Unversed crawling and writhing against her spine.
"Alright Aqua, you've convinced me; ghosts are real. Now have you got any bright ideas that don't involve waking the dead?!" Vanitas asked with a mixture of sarcasm and panic.
Aqua flinched as something sharp jabbed into her back. Unversed claws, no doubt. That gave her an idea. "Vanitas, can you summon some kind of armored Unversed? Maybe a Buckle Bruiser?"
She felt him shake his head, the metal of his helmet rubbing against the back of her neck. "I don't think it'd be able to cram in here with us, and it'll take more than a few seconds to make one if you let down that Barrier."
Aqua couldn't move with the Barrier cast, either. It was one flaw in the spell she'd never been able to overcome. The wielder-less swords were chipping away at the magic bubble. This wasn't the same as the vines. Those she could cut and burn; swords were metal.
"I'm not going to be able to hold this much longer," she warned him. The spell was eating away at her Mana. It really wasn't meant to be held this long…
"Fuck this." Vanitas suddenly grabbed her wrist and and spun around, positioning himself in front of her. "Remember the tornadoes in the Graveyard? And the Keyblades, when they flew?" he asked, glancing up at her over his shoulder.
Of course she did, but why would he—? Oh. Oh no.
"…You can not be serious," Aqua groaned.
"Aqua, do you trust me?" There was an intense glint of determination in his golden eyes.
Was this how Vanitas looked when he carried me out of those vines?
Aqua wet her dry lips and met his gaze. "Okay. I trust you."
"Then come on, let's move," he said, tugging on her arm.
Aqua dismissed the Barrier. Not a second later, the swords dived straight for them. Her hair suddenly whooshed around her face as Vanitas's Aeroga spell took effect, sweeping the swords into a raging funnel cloud around them. A very pointy funnel cloud.
Vanitas took a step forward, and then another, his hand never leaving her wrist as he led her through the eye of the storm and towards the armory entrance. Aqua flinched as one sword buzzed dangerously close to her ear. Another almost sliced through a lock of hair. But none could fully penetrate the wind barrier.
When the magical wind began to die down, Aqua cast her own Aeroga to keep the swords at bay. She and Vanitas alternated casting, walking steadily towards the door. Vanitas's gaze never strayed from their target. Aqua could've sworn she saw a glimmer of yellow eyes in the storm, but maybe it was just his eyes reflecting off the swords.
Finally they reached the exit and slammed the door behind themselves, and not a moment too soon. Vanitas hopped back as a sword pierced through the wooden door, followed by a barrage of others. Aqua wasn't quite quick enough and one of the swords pierced her side. She fell to the stone floor with a sharp cry.
"Aqua?!" Vanitas was at her side in an instant. "Are you okay?"
Wincing, Aqua placed pressure on the wound. It wasn't deep, but it was bleeding a lot. Great, she would have to replace her clothes again. "I'll be alright," she reassured him. "It looks worse than it is, just give me a second to regain my Mana."
"Why wait?" Vanitas said, hovering his hand over her wound and casting Cure.
To her surprise, the wound sealed completely, and the pain was reduced far more than it had the first time he'd used that spell. "You're really getting the hang of that."
Vanitas smirked. The glow of the healing magic reflected in his eyes, turning them an impish green. "Let's see… How many times have I saved your life, now?" he drawled playfully, pushing himself to his feet.
Aqua rolled her eyes. She seemed to have picked up that bad habit from him. "That was rather reckless of you."
"If 'reckless' is another word for 'awesome'." Vanitas folded his arms behind his head and grinned.
Aqua startled and stared at him in shock. His stance and expression looked so much like Ven…
"What's wrong?" he asked, hands falling to his sides. "You look like you've seen a ghost."
As if on cue, the swords started rattling against the wood, causing the door to vibrate on its hinges. Giving the door a wary glance, Vanitas offered Aqua his hand, easily pulling her to her feet before quickly letting go.
"What're we gonna do about that?" he asked, nodding towards the door.
"I think I have an idea," Aqua replied. "Stand back."
Vanitas obeyed and Aqua stood in front of the door, pointing Master Keeper at it and closing her eyes. Golden chains sprouted from the Keyblade's tip, crisscrossing over the door and holding fast.
"How'd you learn that?!" Vanitas asked in awe.
"Master Keeper isn't just good for opening locks. Master Eraqus taught me how to create locks with it. It's how I sealed away Ven—" Aqua stopped suddenly. Perhaps she'd imagined it, but she thought she saw Vanitas's yellow eyes flash brightly at the mention of Ventus's name. "Anyway, it's a much more permanent solution than a Bind spell. Only Master Keeper will be able to unlock it."
"Only Master Keeper, huh…?" he muttered under his breath before turning to her with a sardonic smile. "So… about those ghosts…"
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"This is hopeless!" Vanitas groaned. They'd been looking through a dozen books on ghosts, spirits, hauntings, and exorcisms for hours. Everything involved either crackpot conspiracy theories, chants in foreign languages, or strange rituals they didn't have the ingredients for. Nothing that could kill a ghost. How the hell were they supposed to kill something that was already dead?
"Maybe we need a break," Aqua suggested.
"Maybe we need to give this up entirely." Vanitas snapped the book shut. "I can't believe you seriously wanna go back there. Since when do you got a death wish?"
"I'm not just going to sit around and wait for this place to kill us. I think we've forgotten that while this Castle is better than nothing, we're still in the Dark World. This Realm wasn't made for beings of Light. Or you," she amended before he could correct her. "There's something behind that weird stone door, I just know it."
"You really think that's our ticket outta here?" Vanitas asked, scooping up some darts from the table. Their scores were written on a piece of paper they had pinned to the wall next to the dartboard. Aqua was currently in the lead and he intended to correct that.
"What else could it be?" she asked, leaning against the table to watch. The Archraven he'd tasked to tail her the past week flew over and perched on a chair next to her.
"Oh, I don't know, maybe that door is locked for a reason? Who knows what could be lurking behind it." He closed one eye and lined up a dart.
"The Realm of Light," Aqua answered simply.
"Doubtful." His first dart glanced off of the double ring.
"Another World in the Realm of Darkness, then. It's obviously not part of the Castle of Dreams. It could be some kind of portal."
"Or it's just a fancy door."
"Why are you being so argumentative about this?" she asked, frowning deeply. "Don't you want to go back to the Realm of Light?"
Did he? Vanitas averted his eyes. Master Keeper was apparently the only way to unlock wherever Ventus was hiding, but he couldn't just steal it from her. It wasn't as if Eraqus's former Keyblade would obey his commands. And he still didn't know where his other half was. What could he do, follow Aqua when she went to wake up Ventus? And then what? She wouldn't back down without a fight, and Vanitas knew that when she did… it would be to the death.
He didn't want either of them to die.
But if he let her go then she would drop this little charade and abandon him for her real friends. Not to mention, if Aqua went after Terra —which knowing her, she would— then Xehanort would kill her for sure; amnesiac or not. In fact, it wouldn't be safe for either of them to return to the Realm of Light, not with his former Master still on the loose.
…Former Master? Is that all he is to you now? He made you, he raised you, you ungrateful—
"Xehanort's still up there," he said, just to block out the noise in his head. "It's too dangerous to go back."
Aqua's eyes softened, the pity —concern, sympathy— plain on her face. "Vanitas… what did he do to you?"
"I told you. He tore me apart. Forced me to fight the Heartless. Made me sleep in the dirt." Vanitas turned his attention back to the dartboard.
"There must be more to it than just that."
"No."
"But—"
"Drop it," he growled as his second dart hit the triple ring. Xehanort was far away now. He didn't want to remember; he'd rather forget. "I don't want your pity. I'm not that easy to break."
Oh, but he was. He had been broken again and again; it was the reason he was in this mess.
"Vanitas, I want to help you," Aqua pleaded. "I can't if you won't tell me what happened."
He shook his head. "It's not that simple. If you wanna change the past, then you're four years too late."
"It's not too late," she insisted. "You knew the Light once, when you were Ventus. You can find it again."
"Well I'm not Ventus!" he suddenly shouted and rounded on her, rage pulsing through his veins. "And maybe I don't want Light, did you ever think of that?!" He hurled his last dart into the board with a loud thunk. He barely even registered that it had hit the bullseye.
Aqua looked taken aback. "That's not true. You crave the Light; I know you do."
Vanitas snickered darkly. "You know what else craves the Light? That would jump at the chance to devour a heart as Light as yours? You said it yourself; a heart of Darkness is no different than a Heartless."
Her face flushed. "Vanitas, I didn't— That's not what I meant. You're not a Heartless."
"Then what am I?" he sneered.
"You're human."
That didn't have the effect on him he was sure she wanted. Vanitas cackled mirthlessly. "You've gotta be kidding! Last time I checked, humans don't create monsters outta every negative emotion they feel."
"Every negative emotion?" she muttered to herself.
His yellow eyes narrowed. "Have you forgotten already? How many times do I have to tell you; I'm a heart of pure. Fucking. Darkness." Nothing she did could change that. He didn't want her to change that.
"I don't believe that!" Aqua said earnestly. "I think deep down, even if you don't realize it yet, there is Light in you."
"Shut up! That's a fucking lie!" Vanitas snapped. Why couldn't she just drop this crazy theory?
It looked like Aqua's temper finally got the best of her. "It is not a lie!" she shouted. The Archraven began to caw loudly, feeding off the negative emotions swirling within her heart. Vanitas silenced it with a bolt of Dark Thunder. Aqua flinched before continuing. "Vanitas, can't you see what the Darkness has done to you?"
"What it's done to me? I am Darkness!" His heart, his body, his soul… Whether ripped straight out of Ventus or fashioned from the ambient Darkness of the Badlands, every fiber of his being was born from Darkness. "You think I'm Ventus, but I'm not! I'll never be Ventus again! I'm not… I'm not a replacement." His anger finally deflated, but the misery that superseded it was somehow worse.
Aqua's next words were quiet, almost a whisper. "I know you're not a replacement. I never wanted you to be. I want you to be you."
"Sure," he snorted half-heartedly. "That's why you don't want me to be Dark."
"I just don't want you to hurt anymore! Is that so unbelievable?"
Vanitas didn't know what to believe anymore. Having Light, not having Light, whether that was bad or good… Blue Sea Salts and Triple Wreckers and Red Hot Chilis scraped at his arteries, begging for release. He pushed them down as deeply as he could, sealing off his emotions until he was numb. "What if I said Ventus needed more Darkness in him?" Vanitas asked in a tone that was emotionless, detached, and cold. It was all he could do to hold the Unversed at bay.
Aqua gave a half-suppressed shudder. "Isn't that what you tried already?"
"It's just a 'what if' scenario," he snapped icily. "Fine, what if I said Cinderella needed to have more Darkness in her? That I needed to flush out her Light? Replace it with Darkness?"
"That's horrible."
"And what you want for me isn't?"
"No, I—" She shook her head. "Light and Darkness aren't the same. Darkness, it's— it's dangerous. In the wrong hands, it can cause terrible things. It hurt Terra and it's hurting you, too. If you would just let the Light in—"
"Let it in?" he scoffed loudly. He'd had Light in him plenty of times, and it had always been painful, only seldom pleasant. But those times it had been pleasurable were enough to make him crave it despite the pain, like a horribly addictive drug. Maybe, just maybe, if Aqua didn't completely hate the Darkness, if she even had the same sick sort of longing for the Darkness that he did for the Light, then maybe he could believe her; maybe he could trust her to give him Light.
Unless she had been lying to him.
"And here I thought Darkness 'wasn't all bad'. That is what you said, isn't it?" he asked, testing her. "If Light is so great, then why is Darkness in everything?"
She bit her lip. "I… did say that, but…"
"But what?"
Aqua looked him straight in the eyes, sparkling blue on Darkness-induced yellow. "Light is in everything, too," she whispered, as if that were some major revelation.
"Everything but me," he countered coldly.
Apparently that still hadn't deterred her. "That's exactly why I need to help you. I wasn't there for Terra; I let him go astray. But I am here for you. I know you can push back the Darkness." Aqua held out her hand. "Please Vanitas, let me help you."
So she had been lying. Why had he expected anything different? He shouldn't be so disappointed. Vanitas glared at her open palm. "Is that you talking, or your Master?"
Aqua's eyes widened.
He sighed and turned away from her, going to retrieve the darts out of the board. "The Light hates me," he murmured, just loud enough for her to hear. "It hurts me as much as I crave it. It rejects me; it never stays… The Light can't be trusted. And just 'cause people like Eraqus think that Darkness— that I shouldn't exist… I thought you were different, Aqua."
"Vanitas, I—"
"You know what? Forget it. The score's even, now." He wrenched the darts out of the board so hard they took chunks of cork with them, and deposited them on the table next to her. One dart rolled off and clattered to the floor. "I'm going for a walk," he said gruffly.
"Wait—!" She reached out for him, fingertips just brushing against his Dark Suit.
Vanitas snarled instinctively and slapped her hand away. Aqua gasped and drew it back to her chest, clutching that silver pendant she always wore— the one that resembled the one on her Wayfinder. His own chest felt heavy with a mixture of Jealousy and Regret. He turned to leave before he could hurt her any further.
"Vanitas wait, I'm sorry!"
He paused in the doorframe at the sound of her pleading voice, looking back at Aqua. Her blue eyes were glistening with unfallen tears. "…I'll see you at dinner," Vanitas mumbled to the hardwood. He almost stayed.
Almost.
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Dinner that evening was an uncharacteristically silent affair. Vanitas hardly spoke, though he did eat. Of course, he probably would've eaten anything Aqua put in front of him. After a rather awkward goodnight, she left for a sewing room the two of them had previously discovered on the fourth floor.
Aqua sat at a wooden table and laid out some sewing equipment— scissors, needles, and thread. She wore a borrowed indigo nightgown while she stitched up the hole in her corset where the haunted sword had sliced through.
Aqua pulled the needle through the fabric, a flash of silver metal and black thread. It reminded her of Vanitas's curious bodysuit, that mesh of black, veinlike fibers. It seemed magical in nature —perhaps even woven from Darkness itself— and was able to stitch itself up automatically, at least from what she'd observed. It must be nice, not having to repair one's clothes manually.
Was that why Vanitas wore it all the time? Or… could he not take it off? That seemed unlikely, since he could remove his mask. Maybe he just didn't want to take it off. Although… Aqua had noticed him scratching and picking at it multiple times. If the bodysuit was really that uncomfortable, wouldn't he rather wear something else? There were plenty of clothes in the Castle, and she knew Vanitas had no qualms against stealing.
What purpose did the bodysuit serve in covering him from jaw to toe, especially when it didn't offer much in the way of defense? Was he hiding something underneath all that Darkness? His face was human, but what about the rest of him? The way he'd laughed when she had called him human, that horrible sound she hadn't heard in weeks… Vanitas was human, wasn't he? He'd come from Ven, so he had to be…
Except —even discounting his Unversed— Vanitas still had almost unnatural strength, teeth just a little too sharp, and glowing yellow eyes just like the Heartless. Aqua thought of the pitch-black, semifluid skin of the Heartless and the thick, rubbery hides of the Unversed. Was that what his body was like underneath that bodysuit? Twisted, deformed, marred by Darkness?
She startled as she accidentally pricked her finger on the sewing needle and instinctively put it in her mouth, tasting the faint tang of copper.
'Monsters don't bleed red, right?'
…And Vanitas's blood was as red as hers. Aqua pulled her finger from her mouth and bit her lip, ashamed of herself for thinking of him as if he was some sort of monster. He needed to eat and breathe and sleep just like her, and he could talk and think and feel… Even if Vanitas wasn't entirely human, he was close enough.
Still, he was hiding something from her, something involving his past with Master Xehanort. Whatever Xehanort had done to him had left some sort of psychological damage or deep emotional scar, enough to make Vanitas terrified of returning to the Realm of Light. This went further than breaking his heart; Xehanort had damaged Vanitas's soul.
Was he really less a victim of the Darkness, and more a victim of Xehanort? Aqua had thought of the two as one and the same. Xehanort had tricked Terra into falling to Darkness, and in turn Darkness had corrupted Terra's heart.
Aqua had thought she'd known hatred. She had felt it for the Heartless and the Realm of Darkness, for Vanitas and Xehanort both. But the Heartless ran on pure instinct and the Dark World was just a place— albeit a horrible one, and she had stopped hating Vanitas a long time ago. He couldn't help what he was, yet had become someone she trusted and relied on, who in turn very much relied on her. But Master Xehanort…
Xehanort had chosen the Darkness, chosen to hurt her family, and chosen to steal away Vanitas's Light. And she hated him for it all.
Could Light fix the damage done to Vanitas's heart? Or was he really too far gone? If the Light really did hurt him as he claimed, then had Aqua been hurting him this entire time? No, she couldn't have been, otherwise he wouldn't seek out her company, wouldn't be so happy. Pain wasn't something Vanitas could easily disguise, not even with that frighteningly frigid tone he sometimes slipped into. Still, maybe she really had been presumptuous in assuming he had, wanted, or needed Light.
Ventus had called her 'awful' when she'd chastised Terra for his Darkness, for walking his own path. More than anything, that was what had hurt the most. He'd said she had let her new authority as Keyblade Master 'go to her head'. Did she really have the same obsession with power that Master Eraqus had warned Terra about? Did Vanitas think she was trying to control him? Was she?
I need to apologize.
Aqua finished the final stitch and set down her corset on the table, the chair legs scraping against the wooden floor as she stood up and stretched. An icy chill blew through her thin nightgown as she entered the hallway. Aqua hugged her arms around herself. The curtains at the far end of the hall were fluttering in the breeze. It was just a draft. She approached the window to close it but then stopped dead in her tracks.
The Realm of Darkness had no wind.
In a flash of white a robed figure appeared on the balcony railing. Aqua screamed and jumped back, Master Keeper appearing in her hand. The figure didn't move. It was a man, his black hair flecked with grey and pulled back into a high ponytail. He regarded her with a stern expression.
"Master?!" Her— no, her Master's Keyblade fell from her fingers and clattered against the tile.
"Aqua." Master Eraqus's voice sounded distant and echoed, as if through water.
"Master—! How… You spoke…!" She reached out for his hand but met empty air. Or rather, her hand passed right through his. Aqua gasped and drew her hand back. Of course; Master Eraqus was dead. But… he was here. He was here. "I am so, so sorry…" In a way, it was her fault the Master was dead. If she had only taken better care of Terra and Ven—
"Aqua, I named you Keyblade Master for a reason. You were tasked with striking down any who would upset the balance of Light and Darkness. You failed."
She gaped at him. "Master…"
"I instructed you to watch Terra, and he murdered me because you were too weak or foolish to stop him. I told you to bring Ventus home, but you allowed his heart to be shattered and lost. You failed your duty as Keyblade Master." He pointed to Master Keeper, where it lay dead on the cold floor. "That Keyblade is not yours to bear. Return it to me at once, and revoke your title as Master."
Aqua choked in horror. "I— No Master, please—!"
"Silence." His grey eyes narrowed. "Or perhaps you wanted this, wanted the Darkness to consume Terra so you could feel superior to him. You always did believe you were the better student."
Aqua wanted to deny it. She couldn't have grown so arrogant without realizing it, could she? Could she really be so blind? Her entire life had always revolved around her boys, her friends, her family. She cared for them dearly, but it hadn't been enough to save them, hadn't been enough to protect their hearts…
And now I'm failing Vanitas.
"Ah yes, Vanitas… The boy in the mask. A demon of Darkness," the Master said disdainfully. "That you, my only daughter, would consort with such a monster is… despicable. You have betrayed the Light, and me; rejected everything I have taught you, become a disgrace to all Keyblade Wielders. I wonder… was it truly Terra who fell to Darkness, or you?"
"No…" Aqua moaned weakly. How did he know about Vanitas? Had he been watching her this entire time? She felt faint, dropping down on her hands and knees and curling in upon herself. A heavy weight pressed in on her chest. It was so cold.
This can't be happening…
"Perhaps you require more time to consider your folly." He took a step backwards off the balcony rail.
"Wait, no!" Aqua scrambled up to grab his robes, but her hands phased straight through him as he plummeted off the railing. She peered over the side in horror, but there was no body on the ground below. He had vanished into the still air, gone without a trace that he had ever existed. Either Aqua had gone mad, or Master Eraqus's spirit was haunting her.
And he was furious.
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Vanitas returned to the second-floor bedroom he had claimed for himself, removing his helmet and placing it on the nightstand next to the constellation book he'd stolen from the library. He flopped down on the bed and stared into the mask's dark visor, the yellow glow of his own eyes reflecting off its glassy surface.
Why did Aqua have to be so confusing? Why couldn't she understand? Why did she have to try to uproot everything he was?
It's your fault you let this happen, a silky, slimy voice whispered. You let her twist your mind and poison your heart. If you just kill her—
"SHUT UP!" he screamed, covering his ears in a vain effort to block out the voice. Why couldn't everyone just shut up and give him some damn peace?!
Is that what he wanted? Peace? Would becoming whole give him peace? Would having Light give him peace? Vanitas didn't do peace. He did conflict and violence. He didn't know anything else— hadn't known anything else, until Aqua had shown it to him. Until she had made him happy.
Vanitas pressed his hands over his face. He felt horribly confused. His entire identity was wrapped up in being pure Darkness, fighting the Light, forging the X-Blade… But now, a Wielder of Light was his companion; his ally. The X-Blade was out of his reach, likely forever… Unless that strange door really was the way to the Light.
He was terrified of it, honestly; terrified to go through that door. Once he did, if it really led to the Realm of Light, he would become nothing to Aqua. Little more than a shadow in her memory, or perhaps more like a nightmare she would forget in that Realm's morning Light.
"No…" Vanitas moaned into his hands. "Aqua doesn't think that. She doesn't hate me…"
Aqua lied to you; she still hates the Darkness. But why should that matter? Why should you give a shit what she thinks?
"I don't know, okay!" He pulled on fistfuls of his black hair so hard that it hurt. "I don't fucking know!"
But he did know. It was because he wanted Aqua to be more than just an ally. He wanted her to be his friend. Friendship was folly. Friendship got you killed. But now he found that friendship was something he wanted just as much as being whole.
Vanitas was crazy. He knew he was, lying here and arguing with himself in the dark.
Triple Wreckers, Blue Sea Salts, and Scrappers hopped, floated, and cowered around the room but he was too exhausted to clean up his wayward emotions. In fact, Vanitas was so tired he hadn't even noticed them escaping his heart. His hands relaxed and fell to his sides. Restrained tears burned his eyes, whether from pain or sorrow didn't really matter. He hadn't cried in a long time, and he wouldn't start now. Just as his eyelids felt heavy and he began to slip into his usual nightmares, there was a loud knock on the door.
"Vanitas! Vanitas!"
He jumped to his feet at the sound of Aqua's urgent cries and quickly reabsorbed the Unversed, stumbling to the door as the Confusion and Sorrow and Loneliness hit him all at once. Vanitas threw open the door and blinked blearily up at her. "Aqua, what the hell—?" He stopped mid-sentence as he noticed the tears welling in her eyes. "What happened?"
"I… He…" She burst into tears.
Not again…
Aqua just stood there trembling in the doorway, dressed in an indigo nightgown she must've stolen from one of the wardrobes. If he didn't know better, he'd say she was trying to hold back from just hugging him right then and there.
"Uh… come in?" he offered uncertainly and stood aside to let Aqua pass. She slumped down on the bed, one hand covering her face as she silently sobbed. Closing the door behind himself with a soft click, Vanitas stood in the middle of the bedroom, staring at her awkwardly.
What should he do? Everything he'd done the last time she'd been like this hadn't worked… not until he'd mentioned Ventus, anyway. That idiot was too busy sleeping to help his friend; Vanitas would just have to do his job for him. Food always cheered him up, and while he couldn't cook, he had the next best thing.
Reaching into the drawer of the bedside table, Vanitas pulled out his personal stash of Prize Pod food— perfect for late-night snacking. Aqua blinked as he dumped a whole pile of Merry Mints, four sticky cubes of Galactic Caramel, a half-finished jar of Golden Jam, and two glass bottles of Crystal Soda on the bed beside her.
"Here." He popped the cap off a Crystal Soda and handed her the bottle. "I hope you don't mind drinking something made of negativity."
"I think I'll be fine," she almost smiled and took a sip of Soda. Apparently he'd done something right because her tears weren't flowing as freely.
Point one for Vanitas.
Maybe he'd add that to the dartboard tally when she wasn't looking.
Sitting on the bed with the snack pile between them, he took the jar of Golden Jam and scooped some out, licking the sweet vanilla goo off his fingers. Aqua wrinkled her nose.
"What? You want some?" he asked, tilting the jar towards her.
"No thanks; I'd rather not get sick."
What, did she think he was carrying some sort of disease? Just because he used to live like an animal didn't mean he was rabid. "Whatever, more for me then," Vanitas shrugged and continued stuffing his face full of Jam.
The corners of Aqua's mouth twitched upwards and she wiped the remaining tears from her eyes. Vanitas was hesitant to ask what she'd been crying about. It was probably about her stupid friends again, and he had nothing nice to say about that particular subject. Besides, he didn't want to upset her now. That smile on her face… It felt good to see it. He used to find pleasure in other people's pain, but now… Maybe he really did have Light.
Ignoring his inner Darkness's screams of protest, Vanitas breathed in slowly and was instantly met with the sweet scent of Aqua's Light, a pleasant mixture of Rose Honey and Cherryberry. His nose only tingled a little bit, a far cry from the burning sensation he used to feel. Then it hit him, the stirring of the mysterious Hunger deep down in his heart. He coughed out Aqua's scent before it could affect him further. She was eyeing him strangely. "I'm not sick," he said immediately.
"Uh huh." Aqua rolled her eyes but her smile grew brighter; with it her Light grew all the more sweet.
Vanitas found himself grinning along with her. He set the jar aside and licked his fingers clean, wiping the back of his hand across his sticky mouth. "See, isn't that better? Keyblade Masters shouldn't cry."
Her smile immediately fell. How the hell had he fucked up this time?
"That's just it," she mumbled to the carpet. "You were right; I'm not worthy of being a Keyblade Master. I screwed everything up. I feel so… worthless."
Worthless? If anyone deserves to be called 'worthless' here, it's me.
"Shut up. Don't be stupid," Vanitas growled.
Aqua stared at him in startled bewilderment.
"Not that you're stupid, I mean," he corrected quickly. "It's just… you shouldn't say that kinda shit about yourself 'cause it ain't true. You're crazy strong and brilliant at magic. What I said about Keyblade Mastery being a sham, well… it is, but that doesn't mean you're a sham, you know? And if you wanna talk about screw-ups, well, I'm the most screwed up of all."
She blinked.
He rubbed the back of his neck. "Shit, I'm terrible with words, aren't I. I wish I could just kill all your problems."
Aqua made a small noise of amusement. "You're doing just fine, Vanitas. I appreciate it, really." She plucked a Galactic Caramel off the bed and popped it into her mouth. "This is really good," she mumbled with her mouth full. Aqua really must be upset if she was neglecting her manners— not that Vanitas minded.
"Glad to know I'm good for something," he said before wincing. He hadn't meant for that to come out as depressed and sarcastically as it had.
Aqua frowned even as she took another sip of Crystal Soda. "Are the Unversed really only made from negative emotions?"
"Yeah," he answered the unexpected question, tilting his head curiously. "Why?"
"It's just… you're making them all the time. Do you really feel negative emotions that often?"
"Kinda goes hand-in-hand with the whole pure Darkness thing," he shrugged.
"And the Light—?"
"Hurts like hell."
"I'm sorry," Aqua apologized for the umpteenth time.
"It's not your fault," Vanitas sighed in exasperation. Why did she keep thinking she was to blame for all his suffering? Well, other than the time she'd killed him, of course.
Aqua tried one of the Merry Mints, next. "Do you think if no one healed Ven's heart, he'd be able to make some kind of… positive Unversed?"
Vanitas shook his head. It wasn't as if he hadn't considered the possibility of Unversed made out of positive emotions; it just didn't happen. "I doubt it. He'd probably have just died."
"…What would happen to you if he did?"
He raised an eyebrow. "I'm not especially eager to find out." Not that his murderous instinct towards his other half hadn't made him attempt to kill Ventus in the past.
"Of course." Aqua finished off her Crystal Soda. Vanitas grabbed the second one before she could take it for herself. Sure, he was willing to share, but that didn't mean she got to have all his food.
Honestly this was all too strange. Aqua waking him up in the middle of the night, crying for no reason, asking him strange questions… Was she still upset from earlier? Probably, even though he should really be the one crying after what she'd said to him.
"So what brings you to my humble abode?" he asked teasingly. "I doubt you came here for a midnight snack, even if the food is pretty damn good." He took a swig of Crystal Soda. Sweet fizziness burst over his tongue, distracting him enough that he almost missed Aqua's next words.
"…I saw Master Eraqus. Here, just now, in the Castle."
Vanitas almost spat out his Soda. "What?!" he exclaimed after swallowing. "But he's—!"
"I know he's dead," Aqua interrupted. "But he was here. The Master spoke to me; he said… horrible things." She choked back a sob.
He narrowed his eyes. "He called you worthless?"
"Well, not in those exact words, no…"
"Bullshit," Vanitas snapped. "What did he say?"
Aqua shook her head, kneading the fabric of her nightgown. "I don't want to talk about it."
Whatever Eraqus had said to Aqua must've been truly awful if she was acting like this. Vanitas ground his teeth together, his grip tight enough to form a small crack in the Soda bottle. He knew anger. Next to loneliness, it was his most constant companion… But he had never felt angry for someone. Aqua was hurting on the inside, and her Master had caused it. Vanitas knew all too well what it was like to have a Master who caused pain. Instead of manifesting as a Bruiser, his Rage solidified into a strong sense of raw determination.
"That's it. I don't care if this is a haunting or whatever. This ends now," he assured her.
Aqua took in a sharp breath. "But— but if it's the Master—"
"Master or not, I'm not gonna let some shitty ghost fuck with you." Vanitas drained his Crystal Soda in one gulp and stood from the bed.
"I'll go with you," she said quickly.
"What, you're just gonna charge in there on no sleep? We'll handle this tomorrow."
"What if he comes back?"
"You can sleep here tonight," Vanitas said, gathering up the rest of the food and dumping it back into the drawer.
Aqua bit her lip uncertainly. "Are you sure?"
"Yeah. I'll be right across the hall if you need anything." He opened the door to leave.
"Alright," she nodded. "Thank you, Vanitas." She let out a shaky breath that almost sounded like a laugh. "It seems we keep taking turns worrying about each other."
Vanitas blinked slowly. "…You don't have to waste time worrying about me."
Aqua opened her mouth as if to protest, but then closed it and gave a small smile instead, though her eyes were sad. "I just want you to know… you're not alone."
He looked away. "Course I'm not. I have you." For now. "'Night, Aqua."
"Goodnight," she said softly, lying down on the bed.
Vanitas quietly closed the door behind him, a glare of determination spreading across his features.
Eraqus, you're gonna pay for this.
Thanks for reading!