Chapter 7: Sour and Sweet
Aqua awoke with a smile on her face. She rubbed the dried tears from her eyes and stretched, startling slightly when something sharp poked into her thigh. Aqua sat up to find it was just her Wayfinder. She unlooped it from her belt and cradled the blue charm in her hands, holding it close to her heart.
Vanitas loved the Wayfinder, despite its connection to Terra and Ven. The way his eyes had lit up the first time he'd seen it… He had called it beautiful. Twice. And a couple days later he had even shyly asked if he could hold it, taking the charm so gingerly from her hands as if he thought it would break just by his touch, even though she assured him it had survived countless battles and there was no need to be quite so cautious. She had never seen him look at anything with so much wonder, nor treat an object with such tender respect.
Aqua wanted to do something special for him, something to help make up for all the times she'd hurt him, something to let Vanitas know how much she cared. She knew just the thing. The answer was plainly engraved upon her heart, after all; an unbreakable connection.
Aqua would make Vanitas a Wayfinder.
With that decision firm in her mind and an emptiness in her stomach reminding her that she had yet to make dinner, Aqua cast a quick Aero spell to dry out her clothes before heading down towards the kitchen. What she walked in on could only be described as a complete disaster.
Almost every cabinet had been opened; various bowls, utensils, and a host of ingredients were littered across the countertop. Master Keeper was propped up precariously in a corner. And to top it all off, flour and sugar covered everything in a powdery layer of white— including Vanitas, who stood in the center of all the chaos, frowning intensely at a mixing bowl in front of him.
"Uh—" She'd barely made a sound but that was enough to make Vanitas jump nearly a foot into the air.
"Aqua! What're you doing here?!" he blurted out, eyes wide with panic and a flush quickly rising in his cheeks.
"What am I doing?" she repeated, flabbergasted. "What are you doing?"
He avoided her eyes. "I watched you make those Open Sesame Cookies the other day, so…"
"You tried to recreate them from memory?" Aqua peered into the bowl and winced. Were those eggshells in the dough?
"Yeah… They weren't sweet enough so I thought I'd add more sugar…" He rubbed the back of his neck with a sticky hand, disrupting the coating of flour on his shoulder.
Aqua sighed exasperatedly, picking up Master Keeper and shaking off the sugar before dismissing the Keyblade. "Why are you trying to cook by yourself?" Or at all, for that matter?
Vanitas blushed deeper and shuffled his boot in a pile of flour, sending up a small dusty cloud. "I figured you'd like something nice after… Well, you know."
She blinked in realization. "Oh Vanitas, you don't have to make me anything." Especially not when he could just summon Prize Pods… She bit her lip. How many times had she just casually bashed those Unversed open without a second thought…?
"No, but I wanted to," he insisted, bringing her out of her thoughts. "To make up for what I did."
For what he had done? She should be the one apologizing.
"That isn't necessary. I—"
"I know I fucked up," he interrupted solemnly. "If I was just stronger, had more control…" Vanitas sighed before mumbling, "Cookies won't exactly fix it, will they."
"That's not what I meant." Aqua picked up the bowl, swirling the contents around. Yes, those were definitely eggshells. "This isn't exactly salvageable, but if you bring me a dessert book from the library I'll help you make something new, maybe with more sugar. How's that sound?"
"…Alright," he nodded sheepishly.
"But wash your hands first!" she said as he took a step towards the door. Vanitas muttered something under his breath but complied. Aqua watched him leave, his boots trailing flour out into the foyer.
She sighed, surveying the messy kitchen. It wasn't the first time she'd cleaned up after one of her friend's messes. Aqua smiled a bit despite that. One of her friends… That was what Vanitas was now, if he still accepted her after what she'd said and done to him. Given his obvious desire to apologize to her, she hoped that was the case.
Even if he doesn't, he'll be alright. I can't push him anymore.
Whatever it was that had happened to Vanitas, his heart would recover. She had to believe in that.
XXXXXXXXXXXXX
How the hell was he supposed to find a dessert book by himself? The library was huge! Maybe Aqua had already taken one out since she was so interested in cooking and baking… Vanitas walked over to a pile of books she had already laid out on a table. Most of them were the books on ghosts from their research yesterday, but one in particular caught his eye.
It had a silver trim and a red ribbon bookmark. Vanitas had seen Aqua reading this book before. If she'd marked it than it must be important, although the language on the cover wasn't one he recognized. Vanitas opened the book to the page marked by the ribbon. The words inside were also in a foreign language, but there was a watercolor illustration of a beautiful woman in a blue dress dancing with a prince. The prince was tall, with long brown hair and blue eyes. Vanitas felt a twinge of jealousy. What was wrong with him, feeling jealous over a drawing?
Whatever, he's not that great. Those pants are ridiculous.
He flipped to an earlier page in the book. This one depicted the woman cowering before a hideous black-haired, yellow-eyed monster. Vanitas huffed in irritation and threw the book down. Of course this was what Aqua was interested in reading. A story where a handsome prince had slain a terrible beast, and saved the girl, too.
Jealousy and Anger bubbled up in his heart. No, he had to keep control. He wouldn't be able to convince Aqua he wasn't a monster if he kept unleashing them everywhere. Vanitas picked up another book, this one with an illustration of a chocolate cake on the cover. Much more promising. He placed the book under his arm and made his way back towards the kitchen.
By the time Vanitas returned, Aqua had already closed all the cabinets and swept most of his mess to the far end of the counter.
"Did you find one?" she asked, washing her hands in the sink.
"Yeah," Vanitas answered, holding up the dessert book. He flipped through it, landing on a page with an illustration of a squat yellow cake. "Can we make Dancin' Lemon Cake?" he asked. Honestly he was simply drawn to the name more than anything.
"Sure," Aqua nodded. "Although it's not very sweet."
"Can't we just add more sugar?"
"If that's what you want… Oh wait." She searched through the pantry with a frown. "I think we're out of lemons."
"Lemons, huh…?"
"What are you doing?"
"Stand back and be amazed," he grinned.
Vanitas focused on his Hunger for cake and the dessert book's illustration. Slowly a tendril of Darkness poured from his back and wrapped around in front of him, coalescing into a round floating form. The Prize Pod glanced uneasily at Aqua, looking ready to fly away. Vanitas snatched the Unversed out of the air before it had a chance to escape. He looked over at Aqua. He'd expected her to be smiling, but instead she looked apprehensive.
Vanitas's face fell. "You're still mad about my Unversed, aren't you," he muttered to the flour-dusted floor.
Her eyebrows creased. "Vanitas, I wasn't angry, I was terrified."
"Of me."
"For you." Aqua blew out a breath. "I will admit you do frighten me at times. And so do your Unversed, when I'm not expecting them." She looked pointedly at the Prize Pod, the timid Unversed trembling under her gaze. "But I was so worried about you…"
Worried…?
For more than two weeks now, Vanitas had wondered if Aqua cared about him. He hoped more than anything that she did, but hadn't had enough courage to ask. Now he wanted— no, needed an answer.
Vanitas prepared himself for disappointment. "Aqua, do you… care about me?"
She looked almost appalled that he would ask such a question. "Of course I do! We both care about each other. Don't we?"
"…I'm not like you, Aqua," he said quietly after a long moment of hesitation. "I'm selfish. I just kept you around 'cause…" I'd be so lonely without you. "Well, the Unversed don't exactly make great conversationalists."
"Why do I get the feeling that's not the whole truth?"
Vanitas hugged the Prize Pod tighter but didn't say a word. He didn't know what he would say if he did.
Aqua spoke instead. "I want to apologize." She placed a hand over her heart and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, Vanitas," she said sincerely. "I'm sorry for all the times I've hurt you and your Unversed, all the times I called you a… a monster, or a freak…" Her voice wavered as tears formed in the corners of her eyes.
He glanced down at the Prize Pod. "You weren't wrong," he shrugged. "And we were enemies most of those times."
Aqua shook her head. "But we aren't anymore. I have no right to call you that. I was being insensitive. You're not a freak."
Vanitas looked up and opened his mouth to protest, but then closed it again at the sight of her sparkling blue eyes. He was curious to hear what else she had to say.
"You say you're selfish, but I'd say you've been pretty selfless," Aqua continued. "Everything you've done for me… It all came from your heart, no matter how Dark it is. In fact, I'm the selfish one," she insisted. "I convinced myself that you needed Light, that I needed to change you. I was being a hypocrite. It's not like I don't have Darkness in me, too."
"Oh, please," he snorted softly. "You've gotta have the least amount of Darkness of anybody I've ever met, besides Ventus of course. So what if you ain't a perfect princess?"
"Exactly."
"Huh?"
"I'm not a Princess." She fidgeted with the end of her skirt. "So there is a little Darkness in me, just like everyone else. And maybe… maybe that's okay."
Vanitas gaped at her, eyes wide with surprise and disbelief. "Who are you and what've you done with Aqua?!"
She just laughed. "I told you not all Darkness is bad, didn't I?"
"Yeah, but… I thought you were lying," he admitted bluntly. At least he was being honest.
Aqua looked hurt by that. "I didn't mean to lie. I just needed time to reconsider my beliefs and listen to my heart. I've realized there are many things I wouldn't have if not for Darkness."
"Like what?" Vanitas asked, intrigued and perhaps a little hopeful. Did she really have a secret longing for the Dark?
"Well… like the stars, and sleep, and shade. And… you."
"M-me?!" he sputtered, almost dropping the Prize Pod. "What do you want me for?!"
"You've made my time here in the Dark World bearable… No, more than just that." Aqua shook her head before giving him a bright smile. "I've enjoyed spending time with you, and even if things sometimes get a little rough between us—"
Vanitas scoffed loudly. "I'd say the Dark World and I are more than just a little 'rough'. Hell, if it wasn't for Darkness, you wouldn't even be stuck down here in the first place."
"Maybe so." She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "But we are going to get back to the Realm of Light, and we'll do it together— even if it takes longer than I expected. Speaking of which… It's okay that you don't want Light, especially since it hurts you." Aqua spoke sincerely, though she looked a little sad. "There are other ways I can help you, but only if you want my help. I won't push anything on you."
His lips parted uncertainly. How was he supposed to explain his feelings towards the Light when he barely understood them, himself? Light never made any sense. It was a sweet poison, a dual concoction of searing pain and immense pleasure— one which gave him such a sick, wonderful rush that he couldn't help but drink in as much as he could even as his body and heart rejected it. How could something hurt so badly and yet be so intoxicating?
Of course, pain was something Vanitas was used to, something he could endure. Had to endure, to get what he wanted— whether it be power or adrenaline or the X-Blade itself. Or at least, that was how it used to be.
There were two Lights in all the Worlds whose pleasure was stronger than their pain. Merging with Ventus's heart had been nothing short of exhilarating, even as incomplete and short-lived as it was. It had felt like coming home— not to the Badlands, nothing physical like that, but rather a deep nostalgia created by his other half's warm, pure, and familiar scent.
Aqua's heart was another matter entirely. Her Light was bright, clean, and beautiful, and while it had hurt worse than Ventus's, it was still the sweetest thing he'd ever tasted. The scent of her Light had been a burning fire in his lungs, once; now it only made him slightly dizzy, if that. Somehow, for some reason, the pain was gone, leaving only warmth and sweetness behind. And that wasn't all. Vanitas brought a hand up to his chest, careful not to drop the Prize Pod. His heart hadn't hurt as much, lately… almost as if Aqua's Light was easing his pain.
Vanitas couldn't trust the Light. But he could trust Aqua.
He met her blue eyes. "Of course I want your help, Aqua. Don't be stupid. Everything you've done for me… You make me happy. And so…" Vanitas swallowed thickly. There had to be a reason why her Light no longer hurt him. Either he had simply grown accustom to it, or… "Maybe you were right. Maybe I do have… Light… in me." He almost choked on the word.
"You don't have to believe that if it makes you uncomfortable," Aqua said gently.
It did make him uncomfortable, and scared, and confused. But… perhaps a little hopeful, too. "If you're okay with having Darkness then… why should I be upset about having Light?"
"What does your heart tell you?" she asked.
"My heart?" What could a broken thing like that tell him? He averted his eyes. "I… I don't know. I need more time."
"You have all the time in the Worlds, Vanitas."
He breathed a sigh of relief. "Alright. Thank you." Aqua smiled at him again. She looked a little relieved, too. Vanitas considered the pot-shaped Unversed in his arms. Usually he just bashed Prize Pods open, but after Aqua's apology and the day's events, he didn't want to upset her again. Instead, he simply lifted off its lid and spilled the contents onto the table. Every item was a Dancin' Lemon, just like he'd imagined.
"It worked," Vanitas grinned and let go of the Unversed. It immediately flew off somewhere to hide.
Aqua's face lit up. "That's amazing!"
"I know I'm awesome," he smirked. "So, how do we bake this cake?"
"What does the recipe say?"
Vanitas picked up the dessert book and began to read aloud. "Put the following…" He squinted at the text, silently sounding out the word before continuing. "Ingredients into a large mixing bowl. One cee butter, two cee flour, one half tisp baking powder…" He looked up. "What the hell is a 'cee'? And a 'tisp'?"
"What?" Aqua asked, pulling a stick of butter out of the icebox. "Oh, cup and teaspoon."
"Why don't they just write 'cup' and 'teaspoon'?"
"It's simpler to write it shorthand," she shrugged, placing a box of baking powder on the counter.
"Sounds pretty lazy to me, but whatever." Vanitas continued to list off the rest of the ingredients. "One cee sugar, one half cee milk, four eggs, and one grated lemon rind with half the juice. It says to save the other half for the icing."
"What's in the icing?"
"One cee sugar and one half cee butter. I want more sugar in it, though," he reminded her.
"Yes, yes." She rolled her eyes but still smiled. "Here." Aqua handed him a clean bowl and the carton of eggs. "Could you crack these into the bowl for me? Without the shells," she added hastily.
Aqua set to work grating a Dancin' Lemon while Vanitas tried his best to crack the eggs how she wanted. She handed him some measuring cups and spoons, teaching him how to measure out the right amount of butter, milk, flour, and baking powder, although they added twice as much sugar at Vanitas's insistence. Aqua had him mix it all up in a bowl while she juiced the Lemon. It was fun, even if Aqua wouldn't let him lick the spoon until they were all done. She poured the resulting mixture into a pan and placed it inside the oven.
"How long do we have to wait?" Vanitas asked.
Aqua glanced at the book. "About forty minutes."
"Forty minutes?!" he shouted. "I'll starve by then!" He could already feel another Prize Pod coming on.
"No you won't," she said with mild exasperation. "Here, help me make the icing."
There really wasn't much to help Aqua with, just mixing more butter, sugar, and Lemon juice into another bowl. Vanitas leaned against the counter when they finished, licking the spoon while Aqua kept an eye on the oven. She glanced at him and laughed.
"What's so funny?" he asked, tilting his head.
"It just feels like forever since we got to do anything fun, doesn't it."
"I dunno about that…" Vanitas mused. "I had a decent time fighting those Possessors."
She crossed her arms in mock indignation. "That's because you weren't the one freezing to death."
He shrugged. "It's not my fault you barely wear any clothes."
"W-what?!" Aqua sputtered, her face oddly pink. "I'll have you know I designed most of this outfit myself, thank you very much!" she said, placing one hand on her hip and the other on her chest.
"That just makes it worse! If you had a Dark Suit, you wouldn't be cold."
Aqua raised her eyebrows and hummed sardonically. "I think I'll pass. Is that why you wear it all the time?" she asked, a shrewd look in her eyes.
"Hey, it's not like I had much of a choice," he shrugged again. "There ain't exactly Moogle Shops in the Badlands."
"There are plenty of clothes in the Castle," she pointed out.
Vanitas snorted and rolled his eyes. "Yeah, like I'd be caught dead wearing any of those. I mean, did you see what those people were wearing at the ball? Talk about tacky." The Tremaine sisters' dresses had been especially atrocious. What poor chocobo had sacrificed its tail-feathers for that?
Aqua stared at him for a few seconds before she burst out laughing.
"What?" he asked defensively.
"It's just— The thought of you skulking around, judging everyone else's fashion sense—" She burst into another giggling fit of laughter.
What does she mean, 'everyone else's'? Vanitas felt a sudden hot flush of embarrassment but he wasn't exactly sure why.
Aqua finally stopped laughing long enough to ask, "Was that what you were doing before I showed up?"
"Well… really I was just tailing Terra and Cinderella, but I managed to sneak an hors d'oeuvre or two." Or twenty. Honestly, he'd kill for some more deviled eggs. Maybe later he could convince Aqua to make some.
"You— You're not serious. How did no one notice you?!" she asked in a mixture of shock and amusement.
Vanitas grinned a little. "You'd be amazed what people don't pay attention to. All their eyes were glued to Charming and the Princess. Of course, it was hard not to see her. That dress was blindingly bright." Probably because it was made out of magic. Just like a Princess to want to be the center of attention.
"It was a beautiful dress…" Aqua said wistfully. "I wish I could wear something like that. Maybe it would remind Terra that I'm a girl."
Not surprising that Terra was too stupid to remember something as obvious as Aqua being a girl. "It's too bad that old fairy ain't down here, she could've magicked one up for you."
"What?" she asked in bewilderment.
"Cinderella's Fairy Godmother," Vanitas explained. "She made the Princess's dress with magic, and a carriage out of a big pumpkin, turned some mice into horses… Honestly it was all really fucking weird."
Aqua's eyebrows shot up high enough to disappear into her bangs.
"Don't look at me like that, I'm serious!"
"I believe you, it's just…" She shook her head and smiled. "The Worlds are very strange sometimes, but very wonderful too… almost like a fairytale." Aqua pulled on an oven mitt and reached into the oven. "It looks like the cake is done," she said, pulling out the pan and placing it on the counter.
"Finally. I'm starving," Vanitas said, reaching for the yellow dessert.
Aqua waved his hand away. "We need to let it cool before we put the icing on."
"What?! You didn't say anything about that!" Seriously, how long was this going to take?
"It's in the book."
"Forget the book. Come on, I wanna eat now!" he begged. Sure he was acting childish, but so what? He was hungry.
Aqua shook her head in exasperation. "Patience, Ven— Vanitas…"
He narrowed his eyes. "Did you just—"
"What do you want to make for dinner after this?" she interrupted quickly.
Vanitas huffed but decided to let Aqua's mistake slide. "I thought this was dinner," he said instead.
"Dessert for dinner isn't very nutritious," she frowned slightly. "And we did add twice as much sugar…"
This again? Why did she keep criticizing his eating habits? "Hey, I survived on nothing but Prize Pod food practically my entire life. Most of that stuff's nothing but sugar." Honestly, it was shocking he was in as good a shape as he was. Probably had something to do with Xehanort's brutal training regimen.
"Well… at least you actually like sweet foods," Aqua mused.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Terra hates sugar. He refuses to eat anything sweet unless it's chock full of nuts." She laughed a little. "I guess you could say he's 'nuts' for nuts."
"Yeah, I'd say he's a nut," Vanitas muttered. Terra must be crazy to pass up on Aqua's desserts. Crazy, or really, really stupid.
"Ven loves sweet foods, though," she continued. "Spongecake especially, with tons of icing. And Master Eraqus's favorite is— was Cherryberry Tart…" Aqua suddenly trailed off and went very silent. Was this going to happen every time she thought about her friends or Master? Just shut down or cry?
…Would she cry for me, if I died?
Vanitas swallowed slowly and stared down at his boots. Aqua was hurting again, because of Eraqus. How was he supposed to help her, when the source of her pain was already dead? They hadn't even encountered his ghost in the armory, nor the dungeon. Of course, they hadn't really encountered any ghosts at all, just those Possessors… Vanitas slapped a hand to his forehead in realization, scattering flour out of his hair and startling Aqua.
Of course! I'm an idiot!
"Vanitas? What's wrong?"
"Aqua, about Master Eraqus—" he said in a rush, "There's a lot about the Realm of Darkness we don't know. There could be all kinds of Dark magic or other weird shit. Those 'ghosts' we fought turned out to be Heartless, so what you saw probably wasn't Eraqus at all, just some kinda illusion— or maybe another Heartless pretending to be him."
"I know," she said simply.
"You— you know?"
"I mean, I think you're right," Aqua clarified. "It was just the Darkness messing with my mind and heart, trying to trick me into giving up. But the Master would never say those things to me; he wouldn't want me to stop fighting. And I saw visions of Terra and Ven, too, and they're both still alive."
"Well, we know Ventus is alive, but…" Vanitas trailed off as Aqua started shaking her head.
"Terra is alive, too. I spoke to him."
"You what?!" he shouted, struggling to stop a Yellow Mustard from bursting out. "When?! How?!"
"About an hour and a half ago, in my heart." She tapped the pendant on her chest.
Vanitas blinked, utterly baffled. "In your— Wait, slow down. What happened?"
"Well, after you…" Aqua cleared her throat. "After the Shadow Stalker, I fell asleep and somehow ended up on this platform inside my heart."
"Stained glass?"
"Well, yes," she blinked in surprise. "How did you know?"
"That's what the inside of my heart looks like," he explained.
On nights after particularly rough sessions of tort— training, Vanitas had started taking solace in his own Station of Awakening. He'd lie near the cracked, jagged edges of his heart's half-platform and stare off into the surrounding abyss, letting the low drone of a distant, mysterious choir lull him to sleep.
"I've been there before, but mine is—" Broken. "…Anyway, what happened?"
"I spoke to some memories of Master Eraqus and Ven. I thought Terra was just a memory too, but he was real. He said he heard my heart calling out in the Darkness, and somehow we were connected long enough for us to talk."
Connected…? Vanitas swallowed down the Jealousy that threatened to tear from him.
"You were right about him being possessed by Xehanort, but he's still fighting," Aqua continued. "He said to use the Wayfinder to find him."
Vanitas frowned. "Use it how, exactly?"
"I'm not sure. But there's still hope," she smiled brightly.
Hope for Terra? How could there be hope for him when he was still Xehanort's vessel? A crueler part of Vanitas wanted to point this out, dash Aqua's hopes so she would abandon that lost cause she called her friend, convince her to stay with him instead… but he didn't want to ruin the smile on her face. It wasn't as if it mattered whether or not Terra was alive, anyway. If they couldn't return to the Realm of Light then Aqua wouldn't be able to chase after him, wouldn't get herself killed by Xehanort. She would stay right here in the Castle of Dreams— safe, where she belonged.
"Yeah…" he reluctantly agreed before changing the subject. "The cake should be cool enough by now, shouldn't it?"
"Mhm." Aqua took up a butterknife and scooped the icing from the bowl, spreading it thickly across the cake. She stood back after she finished. The Dancin' Lemon Cake looked amazing, all bright sunshine-yellow and smelling like the perfect blend of sour and sweet. Aqua cut the cake into small slices. She picked up a slice with her fingers and smiled, turning towards Vanitas and stepping closer to him. He backed up into the counter.
No room to escape, a more primal part of his mind hissed. His fight or flight instinct was on the verge of kicking in. Aqua lightly pressed her thumb under the jagged metal of his mask, tilting his chin up. Vanitas opened his mouth, whether to protest or bite her fingers he wasn't entirely sure, but Aqua took that opportunity to shove the cake between his lips.
Vanitas sputtered in surprise, trying not to choke before swallowing it down. "It's good!" he exclaimed after realizing Aqua wasn't trying to kill him.
"Of course it is," she laughed. "You did a good job."
He grinned at the praise. Grabbing another slice of Lemon Cake, Vanitas attempted to reciprocate the gesture, but ended up smearing it all over her mouth.
"Uh… Whoops?" he said sheepishly.
Aqua blinked in surprise but then started giggling. She took up another slice, popping it into her mouth before arming herself with one in each hand, a mischievous smile playing on her cake-covered lips. "You know this means war, right Vanitas?"
He frowned before realizing her intentions. If Aqua was looking to spar, well… who was he to tell her no? Sure, their weapons were dessert rather than Keyblades, but this could still be fun, right?
Vanitas dived for the Lemon Cake just as Aqua pounced. What proceeded could only be described as absolute chaos, if chaos tasted of sugar and citrus. The two Keyblade Wielders chased each other around the kitchen, both attempting to cover the other with as much cake as possible. Despite there being far too much physical contact for his liking, Vanitas found that he was actually enjoying himself, even trying his best to not flinch or snarl when Aqua's fingers brushed cake through his already messy hair.
By the time it was over, both of them sat panting and laughing in the middle of the sugar-coated, flour-dusted floor, the Dancin' Lemon Cake half-eaten with the rest of it smeared across both themselves and the already ruined kitchen. They had wasted so much food, but at the moment Vanitas was in such high spirits that he couldn't bring himself to care. Aqua regarded him with a gentle emotion dancing in her eyes, one he didn't quite recognize. Vanitas's face grew a little hot under her sparkling blue gaze and he instead turned his attention towards his sticky, cake-covered hands.
"So… what… now?" he asked in between licking the icing off his fingers.
"I think we both need a bath," Aqua answered with a laugh, looking down at her messy clothes.
Vanitas thought for a moment before grabbing her wrist, unintentionally smearing more cake on her glove. "I know just where to go." He led Aqua out of the kitchen and across the foyer, heading for the large set white doors leading to the hallway.
"Vanitas, slow down! Where are we going?"
"I saw a huge bathroom when I was exploring the fourth floor." Fit for royalty, he supposed. "The tub's big enough for both of us."
Aqua squeaked and yanked her arm free. "We can't bathe together!" she said, appalled.
"Why not?" Vanitas turned around and frowned in confusion.
Her cheeks turned bright pink. "It's— it's indecent!"
"Huh? Did I say something wrong?"
Aqua's face reddened further. "Of course it's—! We'd be—!" She seemed to struggle for a moment.
Vanitas stared at her in bewilderment. Apparently he'd made some sort of mistake, one big enough that Aqua was freaking out. How was he supposed to apologize for this, when he didn't even know what he'd done wrong?
Aqua bit her lip and stared at his hair, then down at her own messy clothing. She finally placed a hand over her face, some of the flush fading from her cheeks, though they still remained slightly pink. "Okay, fine. But we have to keep our clothes on," she mumbled into her palm.
Their clothes? Wouldn't that make it harder to bathe? And why was she so concerned about that when he wore more clothes than she did, anyway? Not that Vanitas wanted to argue with Aqua after she'd just agreed.
"Well, come on then," he said encouragingly.
XXXXXXXXXXXXX
The bathtub in the royal suite was indeed large, more like a small pool than a tub. The entire suite —bedroom and bathroom— was incredibly ornate compared to the rest of the Castle, all gilded in glimmering gold with a dark blue ceiling. A wide silver mirror hung above a marble countertop holding two sink basins and drawers full of various toiletries. Aqua gathered the bathing supplies while she ran the bathwater. Not for the first time, she was grateful that the Castle of Dreams had indoor plumbing and hot water. Royalty really did get the best.
Aqua couldn't believe she had agreed to this. She'd wanted to say no on principle, but the confusion and hurt in Vanitas's wide, innocent eyes had swayed her decision. He really didn't know why this was wrong, did he. Was he really that sheltered? No, that wasn't it. Isolated would be more accurate. Vanitas had been raised in near isolation, with Xehanort as his only company… Aqua shuddered and glanced at him. He tilted his head in response, specks of flour falling out of his hair and onto the golden tile.
Bathing with him wouldn't be too strange, would it? After all, if she left on her undergarments, would it really be any different than wearing a swimsuit? She'd gone swimming with Terra and Ven in the ponds at the Land of Departure tons of times during hot summers. It should be fine.
Aqua placed various combs, a bar of soap, and a little bottle of sweet-smelling shampoo on the bathtub's marble edge. Vanitas watched her with inquisitive eyes. Noting his curiosity, she felt another wave of sympathy for her friend. To grow up in the Badlands without any amenities at all, only being trained how to fight without being taught any of the basics of life… This must all be very strange to him.
"Have you ever had a bath?" Aqua asked out of her own curiosity. She wasn't exactly looking forward to having to teach him.
Vanitas smiled mischievously. "I've bathed a few times."
A few times? Aqua suddenly wondered how much of his scent really was from the Darkness, or just because he hardly ever bathed. "When was the last time you had a bath?"
His grin broadened. "About a month ago, in a stream near the Dwarf Woodlands."
"What?!" Aqua squeaked. "I drank from that water…" At least he'd taken a bath relatively recently. She sighed and shook her head. "Well, you'll find this is a lot warmer than river water. Cleaner, too."
Vanitas blinked. "Really?" He peered into the tub.
Fascinated, Aqua watched as he retracted the bodysuit's fabric from his hands, the black veins twisting and thinning into nothingness. It really was woven from Darkness. Vanitas flexed his fingers. They were perfectly normal human hands, not claws nor talons nor anything like that. Aqua wasn't quite sure why she'd expected otherwise. He dipped his fingertips into the water, then quickly drew back. "It's hot," he said, startled.
Aqua tested the water herself. It was at a comfortable temperature, but probably much warmer than what Vanitas would expect if he'd only ever bathed in natural water sources. Warm water was just another of life's simple pleasures that had been denied to him. Xehanort had forced Vanitas to live like an animal. No, worse. At least wild animals had their freedom. He had been like a chained dog.
He's free now, from Xehanort at least. I'll take solace in that.
"I guess we should… undress," she said, trying not to blush. "Just… leave your pants on, okay?"
"If you say so," Vanitas shrugged and summoned his visor just to remove the helmet entirely and place it on the marble countertop.
Aqua turned around, looking down at herself and her messy clothing. She made a mental note to do the laundry tomorrow. She pulled off her boots and gloves first, then her stockings before shimmying out of the borrowed blue skirt. She undid the lace of her corset next and removed the rest of her clothing, leaving only her dark blue undergarments. Her heartbeat raced at the feeling of cool air against her bare skin.
It's just like wearing a swimsuit. Calm down.
Taking a deep breath, she turned around. In addition to his helmet, Vanitas had removed his boots and was in the process of unbuckling his belt when he paused, eyes going wide as he gawked at her chest. Aqua immediately covered herself.
How dare he—!
But before she could give an angry response, she caught sight of his expression— one of confusion rather than perversion.
"What are those?" he asked, gesturing towards her chest.
Aqua sputtered in shock and embarrassment, heat flooding her cheeks. "I— Wha— They're breasts, you—! You really don't know?" His blank stare answered her question for her. "Vanitas… do you know what makes boys and girls different?" she asked apprehensively.
"Uh…" Vanitas blinked and slowly shook his head.
He really had no idea…
Aqua did not want to have this conversation. It had been embarrassing enough when she'd turned fourteen and Master Eraqus had given her 'the talk', as he'd put it, one which contained far too many metaphors involving Keyblades and Keyholes. But if Vanitas really didn't know, then… "How do you know I'm a girl?"
He looked uncertain. "Instinct, I guess? And the way you smell."
Aqua pinched the bridge of her nose and tried really hard to not think about him smelling her. At least he thought of her as a girl; Terra forgot half the time, if he noticed at all. If Vanitas really didn't know the difference then at least that explained why he wore a skirt of all things.
He slowly placed said navy-blue length of fabric with the rest of his discarded clothes. "Are you okay?" he asked cautiously.
"I'm… fine," Aqua said before letting her arm fall to her side, her voice strained and a little more high-pitched than she would like.
Seemingly satisfied enough with her answer, Vanitas glanced back down at himself and placed a hand over his chest. The fabric of the bodysuit receded from his arms and torso, the black material wisping into tendrils of smoke and fading away until only the portion covering his hips down to his toes remained.
Aqua gasped in surprise and horror. Vanitas's skin was littered with scars. Between the scratches and burns were the distinctive toothmarks of a Keyblade. Not the kind of wounds received in battle either, but deliberate shallow cuts; not meant to kill, but to inflict pain. One scar in particular stood out for its size, a ragged white mark stretching across the length of his right shoulder from collarbone to armpit. It too bore the toothmarks of a Keyblade.
'Lessons don't stick if you can't feel pain.' Vanitas's words came back to her. He had spoken so casually, far too casually for something like this.
"Xehanort did this," she said. It wasn't a question.
"Just discipline," he deadpanned. "Not undeserved, either."
"Discipline?! Vanitas, it's torture!" He honestly believed he deserved this?
He flinched before shrugging. "If I'd been more obedient it wouldn't have happened, but I've never been one for following orders. Besides, not all of them are from Xehanort. Some are from Ventus; some are from you. You'll notice Terra didn't get any in." He gave a rather forced laugh.
"…Which ones are mine?" Aqua didn't want to know but she had to ask.
Vanitas's face fell as he contemplated his own body. "Ventus and Xehanort preferred the Keyblade, so most of the magic-based ones are from you." He pointed out a few burns and a crisscrossing spread of lightning-induced scars, all faded white against his pale skin. "This one too." He gestured to a long thin scar on his left forearm.
Aqua felt sick. Whether through the Unversed or his physical body, she had already caused Vanitas so much pain… And she couldn't take any of it back. Aqua knew an apology wasn't enough, but she had to try anyway.
"I'm sorry," she whispered.
"Don't be. Fighting you was a thrill." His smile was surprisingly genuine. "You're incredibility strong, Aqua. One of the strongest people I know."
Whatever positive effect Vanitas wanted his words to have on her, it wasn't working. The knowledge that she was strong enough to cause him permanent damage made her feel horrible, even if they had been enemies at the time. With his hair matted with cake and flour and scars riddling his body, Vanitas looked so very lost. Aqua reached out towards him and he jerked backwards, his leg bumping into the marble rim of the tub. A shadow of terror passed over his eyes.
"Why do you keep touching me?" he asked, voice oddly timid.
"I just thought… Oh, I don't know…" she sighed and drew her hand back, running it through her messy hair. Aqua had known Xehanort had mistreated him, but the abuse went far deeper than she'd realized. A simple Cura spell would've healed most of those wounds without leaving scars, but Xehanort hadn't wanted Vanitas to know that.
Vanitas had known suffering she couldn't possibly imagine. It was all too likely he had never known a touch that didn't cause pain, only the sharp bite of a Keyblade or the sting of hostile magic, never once receiving a gentle touch from another human being. It was why he kept flinching and became aggressive whenever she got near him. He thought she was trying to hurt him.
"No one's ever touched you before, have they," Aqua whispered. "Not in a way that wasn't supposed to hurt?"
Vanitas shook his head with a slight smile. It seemed now that the 'danger' of her touch had passed, he was starting to relax again. "Not true," he said. "The first person to touch me was you, in Radiant Garden."
Radiant Garden. The first time they'd met, and the first time they'd fought. The scar on his left forearm… Aqua remembered now. He had blocked her attack with his arm and Rainfell's teeth had bit deeply into his flesh. That and a few other blows had knocked him flat on his back. She had approached him then, thinking he was unconscious. Vanitas's manic laughter when she'd touched his mask… At the time Aqua had thought it was insanity, but now it seemed much more like a defensive reflex.
"You wanted to see my face, remember?" he smirked. "More handsome than you expected, huh?"
That brought her out of her memory. She blushed again.
"Don't be jealous, you're beautiful too." His smirk widened into a toothy grin.
"Wha— what?!" she gasped. Was he flirting with her? No, she had to be imagining it. He was far too naïve for that… Right?
"What do you mean, 'what'? It's not a compliment, just the truth."
The way he spoke seemed innocent enough, or at least she hoped so. Aqua tried to calm down. "I— It's just, no one's called me 'beautiful' before. Other than my mother, I mean."
Vanitas's expression darkened and he muttered something that sounded like 'at least you have a mother'.
"Vanitas…?"
"I said, at least your face is your own. I've always been someone else's reflection. Just a shadow." He crossed his arms, looking vulnerable rather than defiant. There it was again— another mood swing, his tone shifting from teasing to bitter in an instant. It happened so easily, but this time Aqua knew the cause. Vanitas had been so angry the first time she'd compared him to Sora; now she was beginning to see why.
Vanitas was still struggling to see himself as his own person, separate from Sora and Ven. It probably didn't help that she still mixed up his and Ventus's names, sometimes. With his arms crossed and shoulders hunched, he looked so helpless— ready to withdraw again. Aqua had to reassure him somehow, so she did the only thing she could think of.
"May I?" Aqua extended her right hand, palm upwards. Uncertainty crossed his features. Vanitas had rejected her touch so many times before, but then, she hadn't exactly asked permission. For a long uneasy moment, Aqua wondered if he would leave again. "Please?" she whispered.
He searched her eyes, glancing between them and her palm. Aqua's heartbeat quickened even as she held her breath. Slowly, ever so slowly, Vanitas finally stretched out his left hand and made skin-to-skin contact for the first time in his life, fingertips featherlight as he tentatively pressed his palm against hers. His skin was hot and his hand was shaking. Darkness swirled behind his back and Aqua caught a glimpse of little red eyes.
She ignored the Unversed and slowly slid her other hand over his. His wary yellow eyes studied her movements as she gently brushed her fingers over the back of his hand, from knuckles to wrist. Vanitas's breath hitched, but he didn't pull away. Aqua lightly traced over muscles and veins to the long scar her Keyblade had carved into his skin. To her, it was less like a battle-wound, and more like a brand. She had permanently marked him with the same hands that held his now; it felt like the worst sin in all the Worlds. Aqua couldn't meet his gaze, even as she spoke her next words.
"Vanitas, I am so, so sorry." Tears welled in her eyes. It wasn't enough to fix his pain, but it was all she could do.
"I forgive you."
Aqua looked up, startled. Vanitas was staring directly into her eyes. The trembling in his fingers ceased as the Darkness behind him dissipated.
He… forgives me?
Those three words bore so much weight, yet also lifted it off her shoulders. Aqua stroked his hand several more times before squeezing it in a gentle hold. She took a few steps towards him, closing the distance as slowly as she could, lest she scare him off. However, he kept his gaze steady with her own.
Aqua cupped the side of his face with her free hand and stroked his cheek. His pale skin was as soft as it looked. Vanitas shuddered under her touch, then went completely still. He slowly blinked his large golden eyes, the thick eyelashes tickling her thumb, then leaned into her hand and sighed, entwining his fingers with hers. Whatever mental barrier he had placed around himself, she had finally broken through.
"Vanitas, you and Sora aren't the same person," Aqua whispered as she caressed his face. "You're not anyone's shadow. You're you— not Sora, not Ven. Besides," she smiled. "You and Sora don't look exactly alike. He doesn't have your eyes." She hadn't realized until now that his yellow eyes didn't scare her anymore. The color no longer reminded her of wolves and feral beasts, but of bright sunlight and molten gold. In Radiant Garden she hadn't known what to expect beneath his dark mask, but it certainly hadn't been this.
Vanitas was right. He was handsome.
They stood together for a long time. A tear escaped Aqua's eye and trailed down her cheek. Vanitas gently took ahold of her wrist and guided her hand down to the long ragged scar on his right shoulder. She could tell just by looking at it that it ran very deep.
"I got this the first —and last— time I tried to kill my Master," he murmured.
Everything came back to Xehanort. What he had done to Vanitas and her family was unforgivable. How could one man ruin so many lives? And he was still out there somewhere in the Realm of Light, wearing Terra's body like a suit. Her only solace was that Ventus and Vanitas were safe from him.
"He can't hurt you anymore. I'm not going to hurt you anymore," she choked out with a sob. Her tears were flowing freely, now.
"Shut up, Aqua," Vanitas said in a gentle tone which held no malice. He squeezed her hand and smiled softly. "I'm gonna tell you something very important, so you'd better listen."
Her vision was wet and blurry, but she tried her best to meet his eyes.
"You're nothing like Xehanort, so quit apologizing, okay? All the bad stuff between us is in the past. Without you, here and now, I wouldn't know what to do. You're the best damn thing that's ever happened to me. That's a fact."
Aqua nodded, not trusting herself to speak. He finally let go of her hand, only to wipe away her tears.
"Come on," he beckoned. "The water's gonna get cold."
Warm water did wonders to sooth her nerves. As soon as she stepped into the bathtub, Aqua began to feel better. Water just seemed to be her natural element; Master Eraqus had called her a natural-born swimmer. Vanitas was still standing outside the tub, staring warily at the bathwater with one hand firmly grasping the marble edge.
"Is something wrong?" she asked, sinking until the water was up to her shoulders.
"I've never been in water this deep before," he said hesitantly.
"Can't swim?"
He shook his head and looked away, embarrassed. It made sense; Vanitas had grown up amongst the dry canyons and plateaus of the Badlands. Ventus hadn't been able to swim either, when he'd first arrived at the Land of Departure.
"I could teach you," Aqua offered.
"…No, I think I'll be okay," he said, finally stepping into the tub. The water only came up to his waist, but was certainly deeper than the stream in the Dwarf Woodlands.
"Alright, then." Large as it was, the bathtub wasn't quite big enough to actually swim in, anyway. Aqua leaned back and ran her wet fingers through her hair to wash out the crumbs of Lemon Cake. She was pretty sure her hair was getting longer; she hadn't cut it in a while.
Vanitas sank a little further into the bathwater, blinking slowly before closing his eyes as the tension visibly bled out of his body.
Aqua smiled at the sight; he looked so relaxed. She took the little bottle of shampoo and squirted some onto her hands, lathering it through her hair. "Hey Vanitas?"
He opened one eye.
"There's soap on the edge, there," Aqua said, nodding towards it. "Do you… need help using it?" she asked awkwardly, praying he would decline.
He snorted. "I think I'll manage."
Thank the Light.
Vanitas reached over and grabbed the bar of soap. He turned it over in his hands before raising it to his nose and giving a tentative sniff. He frowned contemplatively.
Aqua quirked an eyebrow. "Is something wrong?"
"No… It's just that it smells like Light."
"You can smell Light?"
Aqua had never considered that Light could carry a scent, as Darkness did. It made sense, she supposed. Master Eraqus had told her the ability to smell Darkness was a rare gift and she should be proud of this skill, though it was often more of a curse than a blessing. Ventus couldn't sense Light and Darkness at all, and the stench of Darkness had never bothered Terra.
"What does it smell like?" she asked.
"Depends on the heart," he shrugged, running the soap along his arms. "Ventus's Light is clean and warm— kinda like a sunny day or a light breeze. Eraqus's was sterile; stung like needles."
Sterile…? Did her Light smell as bad to Vanitas as his Darkness did to her?
"And me?" Aqua asked, curiosity getting the better of her.
He sank deeper into the water until it reached his chin. "…What's the sweetest thing you've ever tasted?"
Sweet?!
"…Probably the Royalberry Ice Cream I had in Disney Town." Although some Prize Pod foods did come close. She couldn't believe he thought she smelled sweet. Surely it was just her shampoo.
"Ice cream, huh?" he said wistfully. "Probably like that, then."
"What does Darkness smell like to you?"
Vanitas blinked. "Darkness smells?"
"Uh…" Aqua hesitated. Could Vanitas not tell how bad Darkness smelled? Had he really gotten so used to it? Or could he not smell it at all? She bit her lip.
"That bad, huh?" he deadpanned before continuing to wash himself. "Good to know I still make you nauseous."
"Vanitas… It's really not that bad, honestly." That wasn't untrue; his scent had improved over time. "Although you could take baths more often…" she mumbled, rinsing out the shampoo suds from her hair.
"Yeah, yeah…" He rolled his eyes, although she could tell from his smirk that he wasn't too insulted. Vanitas set the soap back down near the combs and picked up the shampoo bottle, shaking it a little. "So uh, how do I use this?"
"I can show you. Turn around for me?"
He hesitated before handing her the bottle and turning away from her, glancing back over his shoulder. Aqua squirted out more shampoo and worked it into a foam. Vanitas tensed as her fingertips brushed his scalp.
Her eyes softened with concern. "Are you—?"
"I'm fine," he said quickly.
His shoulders relaxed after a few moments so she continued lathering the shampoo through the absolute rat's nest that was his hair. Vanitas squirmed around, especially whenever her fingers caught on a tangle.
"Hold still, will you?" she scolded exasperatedly. "And close your eyes unless you want shampoo in them."
He grumbled something under his breath but complied.
Aqua washed out his hair before taking up a comb and brushing through the matted black spikes, Vanitas swearing and complaining loudly whenever she tugged too hard.
"I don't understand how you can live with your hair all tangled up like this, especially wearing that helmet," she said, shaking her head. "I've never seen anyone with spikier hair."
"What about Sora?" Vanitas asked, looking back at her.
"Not even him. Maybe Zack…"
His eyebrows furrowed. "Zack? Who's he?"
"Just someone I met at the Olympus Coliseum…" Aqua said, blushing a little. She wondered if he still wanted to go on that date… Hopefully he'd found some other pretty girl to woo. Aqua was a little preoccupied at the moment.
"Hmm…" Vanitas frowned before facing forwards again.
She finally stopped brushing his hair when she could easily run her fingers through it. Aqua petted his head, smoothing down the spiky locks that wanted to spring up again. Vanitas leaned into her touch. Ven had always enjoyed this sort of affectionate brotherly gesture from Terra— although to her, Vanitas didn't exactly feel like a sibling.
Aqua didn't quite know what she was doing. She pressed up against his back, tentatively sliding her arms around his waist and resting her chin on his shoulder. Vanitas went stock still, but his breathing was even. The comb tumbled from her fingers and sunk into the bathwater.
"I'm so sorry this happened," Aqua whispered. "I wish things had been different for you." She hugged him closer, resisting the sudden urge to trace over his scars.
Vanitas shook his head, wet hair brushing against her face. Now that it was clean, his hair was surprisingly soft. "Don't wish that, Aqua. If things hadn't gone this way, I never would've met you."
"I suppose not," she sighed.
"Hey, Aqua?" he asked, peering up at her.
"Yes?"
"Will you sleep with me?"
XXXXXXXXXXXXX
Vanitas toweled his hair dry in front of the bathroom mirror while Aqua rummaged around for clothes in the adjacent bedroom. She hadn't spoken a word to him since getting out of the bath. He had just asked a simple question and she'd started blushing furiously and shaking her head. Had he said something wrong again? Honestly this whole past hour she'd been behaving strangely.
Was it because he had called her beautiful? Sure, he'd been teasing her, but it wasn't as if it was untrue. Vanitas had simply stated a fact, one he had known since he'd first seen Aqua during his secretive outings to the Land of Departure— trips he had taken unbeknownst to Xehanort in order to spy on Ventus's pitiful training. Vanitas hadn't dared roam too closely to the castle, but even from a distance he could see that Aqua's hair was a unique hue, reminding him of rain and storms. Not to mention those sparkling blue eyes…
Vanitas lightly touched his cheek where she had placed her hand. He felt… different somehow, but looked the same as always. Seeing his own bare skin without the Dark Suit was always an odd experience, but not too unfamiliar— although he'd never gone so long without his Suit completely covering his body, nor given so much consideration to his scars. Sure, each scar had a story, but some of them were so old, scattered, or random that his memory of the events had faded. Others he wouldn't forget for the rest of his life.
He contemplated his reflection. Vanitas rarely had the opportunity to see himself so clearly. His mask had been the only reflective surface in the Badlands; it wasn't the best mirror. He'd only called himself handsome to tease Aqua; he hadn't expected her to take it so seriously. Vanitas knew he wasn't particularly attractive. Still, having a face was so much better than being the blank doll he'd been born as.
Vanitas had hated this face when he was younger —the black hair and yellow eyes— because it wasn't his, wasn't Ventus's; it was why he wore the mask. Over time he had grown to like that it made him distinct in his own way, more than just a shadow. But now he knew his face was Sora's, and he wasn't so unique after all.
He gazed into his own eyes. The dark circles beneath them were the lightest they'd ever been, though his irises still retained their inhuman yellow glow. And yet… Aqua had complimented his eyes— or so he assumed. She had said they were different from Sora's. Was that a good thing? Vanitas didn't know the color of Sora's eyes, but guessed they were blue like everyone else's. As far as he could tell, nearly every being of Light had blue eyes. Only he and Xehanort had yellow eyes. Them, and the Heartless. What did Aqua see, when she looked into eyes as steeped in Darkness as his?
Shaking the rest of the water out of his hair like a dog, Vanitas entered the bedroom. Just like the bathroom it was gilded top-to-bottom in gold, with a high blue ceiling and an enormous red bed sitting in the middle of the golden tile floor. The room was so large only half of it was illuminated by the candelabra on the bedside table. Aqua stood next to the wardrobe, dressed in a periwinkle nightgown. Did she ever wear anything that wasn't some variation of blue?
"Are you sure you don't wanna sleep with me?" Vanitas asked. "Unless the bed's not big enough…"
Or maybe she just doesn't want you around, idiot.
Shut up. That's not true.
"That's not— It's not about the bed. When you asked me that, I thought you meant…" Her face turned a little pink again as she fidgeted with her nightgown. "People don't normally sleep in the same bed together."
"Why? Is that 'indecent' too?" Honestly all these social formalities were starting to give him a headache. Maybe he'd let a little too much irritation slip into his voice because Aqua was looking at him with a slight frown.
"Vanitas," she said gently. "Why do you want to sleep with me?"
The answer was simple, but required him to admit another weakness. Well, he'd already been doing that all day, so one more wouldn't hurt.
"I don't wanna be alone," he said honestly.
Aqua contemplated his answer, searching his eyes before nodding. "Alright. You win."
He blinked. "Really?"
"Mhm. Don't make me change my mind," she warned, though with a smile warm enough he knew she wouldn't actually go back on her word. Aqua contemplated him for a moment. "Are you sure you don't want a change of clothes?" she asked. "That —what did you call it, a Dark Suit?— looks uncomfortable to sleep in."
Vanitas frowned. "What's wrong with my Suit? I've worn it all my life," he said defensively.
Aqua was right, of course. His Dark Suit was itchy, and occasionally restrictive, but it was all he'd ever known. He'd literally been born wearing it. Besides, it had its benefits. It was weaved from fibers of Darkness, and could therefore repair itself automatically. He'd like to see normal clothing do that. But, since he'd already taken most of it off…
Vanitas called on his inner Darkness to make the Suit recede, retracting it from his legs. Aqua squeaked and turned around.
Seriously, what the hell is her problem…?
He rifled through the wardrobe until he found men's sleepwear— a deep burgundy color. He struggled a little pulling on the pants, even more so trying to put on the nightshirt. Aqua finally turned around at the sound of his struggling and sighed in exasperation.
"Vanitas here, let me help." She pulled the shirt over his head.
"Yeah, well. It's not my fault normal clothes are stupid." He refused to be embarrassed about this. Vanitas tugged a little on the nightshirt, intrigued by the odd tactile sensation of soft fabric against his skin and the smooth, cool tile beneath his now bare feet.
Aqua was staring at him again.
"What?" he asked sharply. Was she going to criticize his choice of sleepwear, next?
"N-nothing. It's just you look so… ordinary," Aqua said, taking his hand in a gentle hold.
Vanitas shivered slightly but didn't pull away from her touch. "I'm anything but ordinary," he protested.
"Yes, I know. You're a 'heart of pure Darkness'," she said with a wry smile.
"Hey, smirking is my thing." He attempted to scowl but it came across as more of a pout.
Aqua giggled, squeezing his hand tighter. He could feel her Light through her fingertips, all dazzlingly warm and sweet. His chest felt lighter, as if a great weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Vanitas placed his free hand over his heart as he realized that —for the first time in forever— he wasn't in pain.
"Are you alright?" Aqua asked, releasing his hand.
"Yeah…" he breathed before smiling at her. "Never better, actually."
"Oh, good," she said, though she still looked a little concerned. "I'm not hurting you, am I? With my Light?"
Vanitas slowly shook his head and grinned more broadly. "Your Light hasn't hurt me in a long time."
Aqua nodded but still looked like she wanted to say something.
"What is it?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.
She averted her eyes and intertwined her fingers with the lace of her nightgown. "…I don't know if I should—"
"Just spit it out."
Aqua sighed. "…Why do you kill the Unversed?"
Oh.
Vanitas slowly sat down on the edge of the bed, hands in his lap. Aqua sat next to him.
"…A lot of reasons, I suppose," he said, staring down at the golden tile. "I kill them 'cause I hate them. Their existence has caused me nothing but pain and misery my entire life. They're proof of my failure; my lack of control, humanity, wholeness…" He looked up. "Why do you ask?"
Aqua leaned forward, resting her hand near his thigh. "I just don't want to see you hurt yourself like that. You understand, right?"
Vanitas tilted his head forwards but didn't dare speak. Now that Aqua had combed it out, his hair was long enough that his dark bangs fell over his eyes.
She continued in his silence. "It's just that sometimes it seems like you want to get hurt, and I can't…" Aqua shook her head. "You don't have to talk about this if you don't want to, but… I don't want to see you in pain, Vanitas."
"That's not…" He sighed, curling his hands into loose fists as he glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. She was right; he didn't want to talk about this… but he felt like he should. "I don't enjoy pain, necessarily. But having to endure it for so long… I guess I've grown used to it, you know? It's to be expected."
Her eyes softened. "No one should have to expect pain."
Vanitas snorted half-heartedly. "Tell that to Xehanort. He knew pain was the best teacher."
"What he did to you wasn't right. You have to believe that."
He blinked slowly before dropping his gaze to his shaking hands. "…Maybe. But my Master knew what he was doing. Pain, loneliness, hatred… It did make me stronger."
Throughout all his years of suffering, Vanitas had grown accustomed to conflict and violence. It was Xehanort who had taught him to hate the Worlds, that hatred would make him strong. He'd been right, of course. Xehanort was no fool. Hatred —whether towards himself or others— was Vanitas's greatest weapon, with which he could create his most powerful Unversed. He had to give the old man grudging respect for that, at least. Other lessons he'd learned on his own.
Pain fueled strength. Xehanort hadn't needed to teach him that; destroying his own Unversed had been educational enough. The more Vanitas hurt the Unversed— hurt himself, the more powerful he'd become. He had channeled all that pain, hatred, and sorrow into power. In a way, Vanitas had become just as power-hungry as Xehanort— for if he gained power, he would never be hurt again. The X-Blade would've made him invincible.
"It's not entirely Xehanort's fault. You should know by now that I love to fight. It's what I'm best at… The only thing I'm good at, really. Fighting was all I lived for— the adrenaline, the rush, the only thing that actually felt good… even if I had to go through pain to get it." He curled his legs up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them. "I spent all that time in the Badlands alone, knowing no one would ever save me; no one even knew I existed. Pain was the only thing that could fill the void in my heart, and I would rather have that than nothing at all. Sometimes I almost liked it, 'cause it was the only thing reminding me I was still alive…"
He had wanted to be empty, once… asleep just like Ventus, unable to feel anything at all. But that time had long since passed. Vanitas peered through his bangs at Aqua. She'd just been sitting there, listening quietly. Her eyes were dry but she still looked miserable… Perhaps she didn't have any tears left to shed. He swallowed thickly and continued. "Maybe I convinced myself I liked pain 'cause I had to, 'cause otherwise—"
I'd be even more of a broken wreck than I already am.
"…I guess I'm pretty fucked up," he chuckled humorlessly. "Now I just want it to end."
"Vanitas—"
"Don't mistake my words," he interrupted quickly at the sight of Aqua's wide, fearful eyes. Vanitas uncurled his legs and took both of her hands in a gentle hold. "I told you, I don't wanna die. If I did, I would've ended this a long time ago. I just… I just don't wanna hurt anymore." His voice cracked pathetically. It was all he could do to not start sobbing in front of her. "I wanna be happy but I'm just so broken… I need help. I know you can't be my Light, but I just want… I need something, but I'm so scared to ask…"
Aqua squeezed his hands. "You can ask me anything."
He looked directly into her eyes. They were so beautiful, as deep and blue as the ocean and practically glowing with an inner Light.
"Aqua, will you… be my friend?"
Her arms were around him in an instant, squeezing tight. Vanitas gave a muffled grunt of surprise. She quickly released him, looking just as shocked as he felt.
"Oh! Light, I shouldn't have— I should've asked permission…"
"Aqua, it's fine." He shook his hair out of his face and gave her a lopsided smile. "I'll uh, take that as a yes, then?"
"Of course! Oh Vanitas, don't you see? We're already friends."
"Huh. I guess I'm a little slow on the uptake." He rubbed the back of his neck.
"I told you I care about you, silly," she smiled. "But you need to care about yourself, too."
"…I'll try," he promised. And he would try. For Aqua's sake, if not his own. Vanitas tentatively spread his arms towards her. "Can I…?"
She blinked before realizing what he was asking for. "Of course you can; anytime you need." Aqua leaned forward, wrapping her arms around him. Her fingers ran down the thin fabric of his nightshirt and spread warmth across the sensitive skin of his back, still tender from the amount of Unversed he'd spawned earlier today.
Vanitas leaned into her warm embrace, hugging her close. He now realized how much he craved Aqua's touch; he hadn't known how much he was starved for it. The closest thing to physical contact he'd ever received prior to meeting Aqua had been the heel of Xehanort's boot.
Don't think about him. He's ancient history.
For once his mind didn't talk back. Vanitas buried his face in Aqua's hair. He inhaled as slowly and silently as he could, letting her soothing scent waft over him, a sweet, fruity mixture of Light and shampoo. The mysterious Hunger stirred deep within his chest but he felt too content to pay it much attention. Perhaps nothing could truly fill the void of his heart, but right now the hole felt just a little bit smaller.
Maybe having Light wouldn't be so bad, if it came from her.
"Aqua… Thank you," Vanitas whispered.
"Thank you for opening up to me, and letting me help you," she returned gently, running her hand over his spiky hair in a vain effort to tame it. "You don't have to do that stuff to yourself anymore, okay? You're already plenty strong. In fact, you're the strongest, smartest, bravest person I know. No one else could've gone through what you have and come out of it so well. You've already improved so much. You're not broken, Vanitas. You're my friend, and you're going to be okay."
Friend. I'm her friend, and she's mine.
Vanitas silently nodded into Aqua's shoulder, something cold and hard inside him melting as warmth blossomed in his heart. Tears dripped from his eyes, staining her nightgown. He didn't feel sad, so why was he crying?
Vanitas held on to her for several more minutes. He never wanted to let her go, but Aqua eventually did that for him, loosening herself from his embrace. "We should get some sleep," she suggested softly.
"Yeah, alright…" he yawned. He really was exhausted.
Aqua crawled over to her side of the bed and snuggled into the soft blankets. Vanitas blew out the candles and curled up next to her, a little space between them.
He glanced at her with a small grin. "I guess friendship isn't so stupid, after all…"
She laughed. "I think it's worth it."
"…Me too. 'Night, Aqua."
"Goodnight, Vanitas." She squeezed his hand one last time before rolling over onto her side.
Vanitas smiled. Even in the dim light, he could see Aqua's blue hair flowing out across her pillow like a small river. She really was beautiful… and strong, and smart, and kind. She really cared about him… And best of all, she was his friend. Not a single being in all the Worlds could ever hope to mean more to him than she did, now.
Congratulations, Ventus. I've outgrown my need for you. I have Aqua now; she's all the Light I need.
XXXXXXXXXXXXX
Where… am I?
All around him was an empty expanse of black. The darkness below his feet peeled away to reveal a circular platform, featureless aside from its steady white glow. He peered over the edge into the inky nothingness below.
He heard something in the distance. A woman was running across a similar platform which floated near his own. She wore an elegant blue ballgown, and had blue hair to match. She was beautiful. Something was chasing her closer to the edge of her platform, a Dark, black-haired beast. As the woman drew closer, it suddenly dawned on him that he knew her name.
"Aqua!" he called to her from across the gap between their platforms.
She ran towards him, relief washing over her features. Reaching the edge of her platform, she reached a hand out towards him, but the gap between them was too wide. The monster slowly stalked closer behind her. He reached for her; their fingers almost touched, but he flinched back upon seeing the checkered band adorning his left wrist.
I— Who—?
This was wrong. He was wrong.
"Ven!" Aqua pleaded from the other side.
I'm not— That's not my name…
In his momentary hesitation the beast had caught up to her. Its teeth clamped tightly around her neck and her scream was silenced as the monster ripped the vocal cords from her throat. Its claws dug into her torso, slashing through her ballgown to reveal mangled skin beneath. Aqua choked and gurgled on the blood that poured from her mouth and throat, staining her tattered dress with red.
He couldn't do anything. He couldn't move, couldn't speak. All he could do was stare at her from across the platform, sheer horror rooting him to the spot. Even as the Light faded from her eyes, Aqua met his gaze with an accusing glare.
The beast caressed her dying body even as it devoured her, tearing through raw chunks of sinew and flesh and he could do nothing but stand and watch and silently beg it to stop, even though he knew it never would. When it reached her chest the monster finally paused, locking its feral eyes with his and flashing a psychotic grin before sinking its teeth into her heart.
His last thought was of how horribly familiar its yellow eyes were.
XXXXXXXXXXXXX
Vanitas awoke suddenly, though his own yellow eyes remained squeezed shut and his body was paralyzed with fear. Something feather-light was touching his arm. His instincts screamed that he was being attacked—
No. He was safe and warm in bed; next to him was Aqua, alive and well. Vanitas could sense her Light, her sweet scent. She was gently touching his arm, her Light washing over him through her fingers. Had she noticed his nightmare? It'd been a while since the last time he'd dreamed he was Ventus, and seeing that twisted mockery of his own face, teeth dripping with Aqua's blood…
He must've woken her with a noise. Willing himself to not be embarrassed, Vanitas allowed her sweet Light to sooth him into a state of calm. There was nothing to be afraid of, just a dream. There were far scarier things in the waking realm.
Aqua withdrew her hand and rolled back onto her other side. He listened to her breathing slow to a steady rhythm, like a heartbeat. It was strange to think, a little less than a month ago, they had been enemies. Less than a month ago, he had wanted to eat her heart. And now…
Aqua is my friend. No matter what, I have to protect her. She's all I have.
Vanitas didn't want to be a monster anymore.
Thanks for reading!