Chapter 9: Fragments of Sorrow

Aqua held Vanitas's hand as he led her down several flights of stairs towards the ballroom. She hadn't exactly meant she was ready to spar with him right this second, but just one look at his sparkling golden eyes made her change her mind. One little sparring match couldn't hurt, anyway.

The ballroom was back to normal, mostly. Aqua had already cleaned and repaired the tile where Vanitas's mask had shattered to the best of her ability. One stone wall was still cracked from her encounter with the giant Heartless —or Dark Thorn, as Vanitas had called it— but there wasn't much she could do to fix it other than hang some red curtains over the impact crater. She hoped that if by some miracle Cinderella was still alive, her friend wouldn't be too upset about the damages.

"We doing two out of three again?" Vanitas asked, releasing her hand to stand on the far-side of the ballroom before summoning his Keyblade.

"I suppose…" Aqua mused, Master Keeper materializing in her own grip. "Is there really any point in that, though? I've already bested you in combat four times in a row, now. Although I guess I did have a little help from Mickey, once…"

"Mickey…?" He scrunched up his face, perplexed. "Wait, the mouse king?"

"That's the one," she smiled fondly.

Vanitas scoffed and raised an eyebrow. "You really think you and that rat defeated me all on your own? When I had the X-Blade? Get real. I was fighting Ventus in our heart at the same time." He tapped the center of his chest. "So that doesn't count. Neither does the first time; I let you win."

"Oh really," Aqua deadpanned. "Didn't seem like it."

"I let you walk away alive, didn't I?" He waved a hand dismissively. "More than once, I might add."

Aqua couldn't help but giggle and shake her head. It was so odd, her and Vanitas speaking so casually about the times they'd nearly killed each other. Both of them really had changed. Vanitas wasn't the same boy in the mask she'd met in Radiant Garden, nor was she the same girl.

While trash talk had never been Aqua's style, Vanitas seemed a little too good at it. But maybe it wouldn't be so bad to lower herself to his level, just a little bit. She might as well have fun with it.

"So are you just going to stand there all day, or are you actually ready to lose again?" she taunted with a grin, tapping her boot near the chipped tile where Vanitas's mask had shattered weeks prior.

Vanitas gave a bark of laughter. "I've really rubbed off on you, huh."

Aqua shrugged, still smiling. Maybe he had. It wasn't necessarily a bad thing…

"Well, there's no royal rodents around here this time, so let's see what you're really made of," he said, taking up a fighting stance. "Don't hold back," he warned. "I'll know if you do."

She scoffed before falling into a stance of her own. "You of all people should know very well what I'm made of. And don't worry about me holding back. I'm not going to make this a cakewalk." Still, Aqua wouldn't hurt him. Vanitas felt safe with her; she wouldn't break that trust.

Vanitas rolled his eyes with an amused smirk. "Alright, alright… Let's go!"

True to her word, as soon as Vanitas gave the signal Aqua rushed forwards and went in for a low strike. Vanitas easily parried and returned with one of his own. She jumped back a few feet and then ran around to his left side. He raised his hand, icy crystals of Blizzard magic forming around his fingertips. Aqua cast Barrier and the Dark Blizzara spell reflected off the protective bubble, spreading a glittering sheet of black ice across the floor.

Vanitas grimaced and shook off the frost clinging to his fingers. "That's colder than I was expecting without gloves," he mumbled.

"Allow me to warm you up, then," Aqua teased, gathering a Fira spell at the tip of her Keyblade. "How's this!" She slashed Master Keeper through the air, launching the fireball in Vanitas's direction. He casually flash-stepped to the side; the fireball soared through the place he'd been standing only to ignite one of the curtains hanging on the wall behind him.

Aqua gaped in shock. Vanitas doubled over and shook with laughter.

"Don't just stand there! Do something!" she shouted in exasperation.

He just laughed harder at that.

"Vanitas!"

"Yeah, yeah…" he wheezed, wiping tears from his eyes before casting Dark Blizzard to extinguish the flames. "When I said 'don't hold back', I didn't mean against the drapery. If you wanted to get some remodeling done, you could've just said so."

Aqua's face flushed as red as the curtains. "Y-you…!"

Vanitas grinned mischievously and leaned on his Keyblade. "You know, as much as I do love your angry face, right now you're just wasting your energy."

She huffed and rested a hand on her hip. "You're just trying to get a rise out of me."

"Aqua, I've been doing that since the day we met. And I've got a pretty successful track record."

"If only your bite lived up to your bark," she sniffed.

"Ouch, Aqua. That one actually stung a little," he said mockingly, placing a hand over his heart before a predatory gleam settled in his eyes. "But if biting is what you want, I'd be more than happy to oblige."

Her face heated even more, if that was possible. "Just sh-shut up and fight me."

They continued their faux battle, circling around each other and occasionally exchanging taunts or blows. It was exciting and fun, Vanitas filling the ballroom with laughter both wild and genuine, and Aqua unable to help herself from joining along. She'd missed this, the thrill of fighting without any real sense of danger.

Is this what it would've been like, if Vanitas had lived with her and her friends at the Land of Departure? Laughing and training together on the mountainside… Sharing Nutty Nut and Jumbo Almond Cupcakes at picnics… Swimming in the ponds during summer and cozying up around the fireplace at winter… She could see it in her mind, clear as day— another life, another time. The four of them and the Master together at home, at peace…

Aqua just barely dodged a bolt of Dark Thunder.

She shook off the daydream. Pleasant as it was, she needed to focus. Aqua's attention was drawn between Vanitas's eyes and his footwork as she attempted to anticipate his next move. He darted forwards and Aqua tensed for his attack. Just as he was about to close the distance, Vanitas disappeared. She spun around, expecting him to flash-step behind her. Her gaze was met with nothing but empty air.

Where—?!

"Too slow!" his voice rang out in the direction she'd just been facing.

Aqua jumped to the side to avoid his strike, not paying attention to where she landed. Instead of solid tile like she'd been expecting, her heel slipped on the thick sheet of black ice Vanitas had summoned earlier. She struggled to regain her lost footing before promptly falling hard on her rear.

"Ow…" Aqua groaned, rubbing her smarting posterior.

Vanitas casually approached, stopping in front of her and resting the flat edge of his heavy Keyblade on her shoulder. "Gotcha. That's round one," he smirked. "Give up yet?"

"That was a dirty trick," she huffed, brushing back some strands of blue hair that'd been sticking to her sweaty forehead.

Vanitas just laughed as he helped her to her feet. "That was a neat trick, you mean. I've always been a bit of a pragmatist," he replied, grinning broadly to show his slightly prominent canine teeth.

"Uh huh." Aqua certainly hadn't forgotten his previous sneak-attack in the Keyblade Graveyard. She was still shocked it had barely left a scar. "How do you do that, anyway? The flash-step?"

"Not sure," he shrugged. "I've always been able to do it… Then again, so can Master Xehanort. Maybe it's a Darkness thing."

Aqua thought back to when she'd fought Terra-Xehanort in Radiant Garden, how he had flash-stepped right behind her at the start of their duel. She suppressed a shudder. Terra had never been able to move like that; not until the old Master had possessed him.

Terra was always slower but more deliberate in his powerful Keyblade strikes and as steadfast as a mountain. Ventus was fleet of foot and as fast as the wind. But Vanitas, he was both— speed and strength like nothing she'd faced before. Every victory she'd scored against him had been won by the skin of her teeth.

"Do you think I could learn it?" she asked curiously. Having an ability like that in her repertoire would be useful. Although, if it was something instinctual or based in Darkness… In the latter case, would she even want to use it?

"I dunno," Vanitas tilted his head, regarding her. "I ain't much of a teacher. Never been regarded as 'Master material', if you know what I mean." He almost sounded bitter.

"I thought you said Keyblade Mastery was a sham."

"Oh, it is," he said dryly.

Did he truly believe the title was so empty? She, Terra, and Ven had always dreamed of becoming Keyblade Masters, ever since they were kids. Vanitas was already her equal. He could easily earn the Mark of Mastery if given the chance. But… if Vanitas had ever hoped of attaining Keyblade Mastery, Xehanort likely would've crushed that dream early on.

"You could be a Master. You never know if you don't try."

Vanitas snorted dismissively. "Oh? And who's gonna grant me that title? Yen Sid? You?"

"…I could," she said honestly. It was her right as a Keyblade Master…

Vanitas stood very still, chewing on the inside of his cheek and staring at her with an unreadable expression. After a long moment he gave an odd laugh and shook his head. "You're stalling. Come on, time for round two." He walked a few paces away before turning back to face her.

"Can't I catch my breath?" She was honestly more exhausted than she'd realized.

"Nope!" Vanitas replied gleefully, easily falling back into a fighting stance. "Come on, Miss Master; don't give up so easily."

Aqua groaned. "Not even my Mark of Mastery Exam was this bad…" she muttered.

Vanitas scoffed playfully and straightened up, resting his Keyblade on his shoulder. "At least you got a crack at Terra. I was barely given the chance, you know. Would've wiped the floor with him of course… if I'd been allowed to. Xehanort didn't want me potentially damaging his chosen vessel." He rolled his eyes.

Aqua frowned. She still didn't like Vanitas referring to Terra that way, as if he wasn't a person.

"He wasn't much of a match against you though, huh," he continued. "You've always been the better fighter. That's not a compliment, by the way," he amended mischievously. "Just the truth."

That wasn't entirely true. Terra had always been more physically powerful than her or Ven, and could be quite imposing in one-on-one combat; Aqua just applied her skills differently. It all came down to matter of discipline, really— of self control. Or at least that's what Master Eraqus had always lectured Terra about… But that wasn't information Vanitas should know, was it?

"How do you know that?" she inquired. Aqua knew he'd been secretly watching the Mark of Mastery Exam, but just how often had Vanitas spied on her and her friends?

"I know a lot about you, remember?" he replied. "Ventus thinks about you and Terra a lot— or rather, he feels things about you two a lot. Sometimes enough for it to feel like I was really there…" His eyes turned distant.

Aqua didn't know how to respond to that. Just how much did Vanitas know about her life? How many embarrassing details about herself or little mistakes she may have made during the past four years with Ventus? The thought was more than a little unsettling.

On the other hand, this mind-reading power of his— or emotion-reading power, rather… The way Vanitas spoke of it made it seem like the Unversed— something he couldn't really control. Perhaps he hadn't meant to invade her or her friends' privacy at all, but was rather an unwilling participant forced to partake in whatever emotions Ventus had unwittingly shared with him.

She swallowed the urge to ask him what Ventus thought of her; it seemed rude to ask. Vanitas still had that distant look in his eyes. "Are you okay…?" she asked.

He blinked and refocused on her, smiling a little. "Don't worry about it. I haven't gotten any feedback from him in a while. The loser's still sound asleep, wherever you stashed him."

Aqua gave a slight nod. "That's good." Or at least, it was better than the alternative.

Vanitas hummed thoughtfully. "Alright, you've had your break. Come on."

They continued their sparring match, falling into a rhythm of strikes, dodges, and occasional bursts of magic. One particularly swift move from Aqua caused Vanitas to lose his footing, landing on his back with a grunt of surprise.

"Too slow," Aqua teased, pinning his chest under her boot.

The effect was immediate— Vanitas's eyes widened in terror before turning dull, his entire body slackening against the tile floor. Aqua gasped and quickly stepped off his chest.

Vanitas blinked up at her once— twice— before seeming to come back to his senses.

"Are you okay?" she asked, helping him to his feet. "What happened?"

"I'm fine." Vanitas's response was as canned as ever. He rubbed his right shoulder, avoiding her gaze.

"No, you're not," Aqua argued. He'd never looked so frightened— so much like a trapped animal. Nothing about that was 'fine'.

Vanitas was becoming visibly agitated. His yellow eyes flashed as he shot her a sharp glare.

Aqua briefly looked away and took a calming breath. Arguing wouldn't improve this situation. "Vanitas, I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong," she said gently.

He lowered his gaze and shuffled his boot against the floor, looking guilty of all things. "I-it's nothing. Just a bad memory."

She regarded him warily. Whatever his strange reaction had been, it must've had something to do with Master Xehanort; Aqua was sure of it. "Should we stop?" she asked in concern.

Vanitas shook his head. "No… no, I'm good. Let's keep going." He stepped back a few paces and raised his Keyblade over his head. Even at a distance Aqua could tell his arm was trembling— perhaps from fear or exhaustion? Either way, if Vanitas kept pushing himself like this, he was bound to get hurt.

"I think it's best we take a break," she insisted.

His expression darkened. "I'm not ending this on another tie," he snapped. "I can do this."

Aqua frowned at his sudden aggression. Mood swings again— never a good sign. "It's not that important. We can pick this back up tomorrow after we've both had some rest."

Vanitas only gripped his Keyblade tighter, his breaths coming quicker. Small tendrils of Darkness began seeping from his arms.

I shouldn't be so dismissive, she realized. Whatever's going on with him, it's important.

"Won't you tell me what's wrong?" Aqua implored. "Please, Vanitas; talk to me." She took a step forwards and offered him her hand in the same manner as she had last night. "I want to help you. Do you trust me?"

"I…" Vanitas blinked before slowly lowering his Keyblade. The Darkness around him dissipated. "Of course I trust you, Aqua. I'm sorry," he murmured. "It's just… If I can't even win against you, then how am I supposed to stand a chance against…" He ran a hand through his hair and gave her a pleading look. "I'm still not strong enough; how am I supposed to protect you?"

So that's what this was about; he was worried for her safety. She shook her head and took another step towards him. "I told you last night, you're already plenty strong—"

Aqua gasped and staggered mid-stride as something icy and tight suddenly clenched around her heart. She struggled to keep her balance as the freezing sensation spread through her chest, so cold that it almost burned. Had Vanitas cast Blizzara again? No, he wouldn't harm her. Unless…

Would it really be surprising, coming from a monster like him?

…What? No, that wasn't how she felt about him at all; why would she…?

This is… just like before… This… emptiness…

Aqua couldn't think— couldn't breathe. It was as if her mind was trapped in a fog. The room spun and blurred, colors swirling together into a dull shade of grey— save for two large, glowing yellow eyes staring straight at her. Heartless eyes. Xehanort's eyes. Eyes of Darkness, of the enemy—

No… Eyes of a friend… Right?

Her legs went numb and her knees buckled. Warm, solid arms suddenly wrapped around her as blackness obscured her vision. The boy in the mask… What was his name again…?

…She couldn't remember.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Vanitas watched in confusion —then horror— as Aqua suddenly collapsed right in front of him.

"Aqua? Aqua!" He darted forwards, sending Void Gear clattering to the floor and catching Aqua before her head could hit the tile. Vanitas stared at her unconscious face in shock. What had happened? This wasn't— this couldn't be his fault, could it? He pressed a hand against her cheek and flinched.

Her skin was as cold as ice.

White-hot electricity crackled up through his spine, a burst of sparks dotting his vision. Vanitas's thoughts scrambled, his body spasming as a swarm of twitching Yellow Mustards ruptured painfully from his shoulders. Aqua was… dead?! NO! No, she was breathing— shallowly, but breathing. Still, she was freezing cold…

Having just violently shed its Panic, Vanitas's mind worked quickly; a single fact was clear— he had to get Aqua someplace warm. The library's fireplace was two floors up, but there was one much closer in the dining hall.

Despite their difference in height, Vanitas easily scooped up Aqua's limp form and cradled her in his arms. It was then he noticed something else was horribly wrong; her scent —that overwhelming flavor of sugary-sweet Light— was almost completely gone.

Swallowing hard, Vanitas rushed past his fidgeting swarm of physically manifested Hysteria and down the foyer's long staircase, past the kitchen and into the dining hall. He laid Aqua down in front of the fireplace before igniting the hearth with a blast of Dark Fire. Vanitas yanked off the tablecloth —ignoring the silverware that crashed to the floor— and wrapped her up as tightly as he could, hoping this would warm her. He checked Aqua's temperature again. Still cold. Damn it; what the hell was he supposed to do now?

Think, idiot!

Vanitas bit down hard on the inside of his cheek and closed his eyes in concentration. The last time Aqua fainted had been during their Glidewinder race, and she hadn't awoken until he had slapped her. That obviously wasn't an option; he'd already promised himself he would never hurt her again.

After she'd woken up Aqua had said she'd felt empty, as if drained of all positive emotions… Had something stolen her positivity? Was that even possible? And how could it have happened right in front of him without either of them noticing? Or perhaps he had unknowingly injured her during their duel…? Vanitas dropped down to her side and cast Cure over her, the sickly green glow casting a ghoulish shadow across her skin. Aqua shuddered but didn't wake.

Vanitas stood and frantically paced back and forth, anxiously entangling his fingers in his hair. Had Aqua been Poisoned somehow? He cursed himself for never learning Esuna. Perhaps she was sick… Ventus became ill sometimes, from chocobo pox or the flu. Vanitas himself had never been sick— not really; not like that. The illnesses he had experienced hadn't been caused by something as middling as mere disease… Unversed squirmed inside his chest. Vanitas swallowed again to keep both bile and something much more deeply unpleasant from rising in his throat. Now wasn't the time for it.

He cast Cure on her again. This time Aqua gave no response. Vanitas grit his teeth and resisted the powerful urge to chew the inside of his cheek bloody or tear out black fistfuls of his own hair. He needed to save his meager healing magic for Aqua. Vanitas cast Cure again and again until his Mana ran dry, yet Aqua did not wake. Whatever had caused this wasn't an injury, that much was clear.

Why is this happening?! What the fuck did I do…? This must be… This is all my fault…!

Of course it's your fault, idiot. It's always been your fault. She says she's your 'friend'. So what? Does that really change anything? She'll leave you, no matter what you do… and then you'll be alone again. You were always meant to be alone, you disgusting, useless, empty creature—

Shut up! Just SHUT THE FUCK UP already!

A guttural, animal cry tore from his lips as he screamed into his hands, the sound muffled against his palms. Unversed slithered off his back and bubbled up from his shadow. Soon negative emotions of all kinds stalked the dining hall, all his Terror and Sorrow and Frustration hopping, flapping, and crawling about. Red eyes leered from the gloom, kept at bay from Aqua's prone form only by Vanitas's sheer force of will.

If Aqua were to— If she were to die…

I'd have nothing left to live for.

Vanitas's broken pulse pounded in his ears. He couldn't lose her— his first and only friend. The only person in all the Worlds who treated him as if he were a human being, as if he were more than just vermin, more than just some Dark thing…

It doesn't matter what Aqua thinks; she's wrong. Stop pretending you're not a monster.

His emotions hissed and chittered around him. That's right… Vanitas knew he was a monster and a maker of monsters. It was what he'd been created to be. Without Aqua, would he have to go back to that life again? Of nothing to do but be trapped wallowing in his own misery and spreading Unversed? Alone? Forever?

…Or would that half-existence even be worth living?

His eyes strayed to the Dark flames devouring the logs in the hearth, reducing them to pale ash and blackened cinders. His vision blurred with tears.

Why…? Why am I so weak…?

It was a full twenty minutes since she'd collapsed before Aqua finally woke.

"Vanitas…?" came her soft voice. Blinking blearily, she attempted to sit up while struggling to untangle herself from the tablecloth.

"Aqua!" Vanitas cried out and embraced her in a crushing hug, throwing his full weight against her and digging his fingernails deeply into her bare back.

Aqua gasped and tried to steady herself. "Ow, Vanitas! That's too tight—!"

He loosened his grip— but just barely, drawing back far enough to see her bewildered face. He couldn't believe it. She was fine… Aqua was fine. "I thought… I thought you were—" He choked back a sob.

Aqua gave him a perplexed look as if she thought he was crazy. Well, she wasn't wrong… "What happened?" she asked, placing a hand on his arm. "Are you alright?"

Vanitas gave a shaky laugh, taking her hand as he stared at her incredulously. "Am I alright? Aqua, you— What do you remember?"

She glanced at the fireplace, eyebrows furrowed. "We were sparring, then suddenly I felt cold and dizzy…" Her eyes widened in realization. "Did I faint again?"

He nodded, wiping away the dried tears from his cheeks. "I was so worried, Aqua. You— you scared me." He fixed her with a firm glare. "Don't ever do that again," he growled seriously.

"I didn't mean to," she frowned, looking a little miffed.

"I— I know." Vanitas flushed slightly and rubbed the back of his neck. Of course Aqua wouldn't do that on purpose. Unless she really was pranking him… He pushed that paranoid thought aside, only for it to be replaced by another. It sounded ridiculous, but… "Was it the muffins?"

Aqua blinked. "What?"

"The Cherryberry Muffins. Did they make you sick?" If he had unintentionally poisoned her…

"I— No." She shook her head. "You ate them too, remember?"

"…Right," he sighed in relief. Maybe this wasn't his fault after all.

Just as Vanitas was beginning to relax, Aqua jolted, staring wildly around in startled apprehension. He followed her gaze and realized she must've just noticed the horde of Unversed still surrounding them. With Aqua awake, he'd honestly forgotten their presence.

"Vanitas…" she whispered fearfully, tightening her hold on his hand.

"Don't worry," he quickly assured her, reaching out to caress her face. "I won't let them hurt you."

Vanitas stood and strode through the Unversed swarm, inky black tendrils of Darkness snaking from his back to grab each creature and reel them in. Vanitas gasped and staggered as he drew his negative emotions back into himself all at once. They were unpleasant, thick, slimy emotions that weighed heavily on his heart, but without any physical pain to accompany them they settled back down in his chest without any danger of bursting forth again.

He turned back to where Aqua was sitting. "You're okay now, right? Didn't hit your head or anything? I'm out of Mana, but—"

"Vanitas, I'm fine now," Aqua interrupted softly. "What about you? You made so many Unversed…"

"…I was worried," he explained with a shrug.

Aqua's blue gaze pierced right through him. 'That was more than a little worry,' her eyes seemed to say. Wordlessly she opened her arms for a hug. Vanitas was more than happy to accept her offer. He embraced her more gently this time, stroking her soft hair and nuzzling her neck, filling his nose with as much of her sweet, calming scent as he could. It was returning, slowly but surely. Between that and her increasingly warm body heat, he knew she would be alright.

Vanitas took in a shaky breath before speaking, his voice barely above a whisper, "I can't lose you…"

"You won't," she assured him, running her hands up and down his back. "I'm right here."

That's right… Aqua wasn't going anywhere.

It's just the two of us; no one else… Exactly how it's meant to be.

"I'm sorry I scared you, Vanitas," she continued, her voice low. "I really didn't mean to. I honestly don't know what happened."

"I know. I'm sorry I blamed you, Aqua," he apologized again and drew back a little. "Can I make it up to you somehow?"

Aqua smiled a little playfully. "A drink would be nice… And maybe something to eat?"

He laughed weakly. It was almost lunchtime… "Sure, I'll see if I can whip something up. Don't worry, I won't touch the stove."

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Aqua watched Vanitas enter the kitchen before taking a glance around the room, suppressing a groan at the sight of the silverware strewn all across the floor. She untangled herself from the rest of the tablecloth before laying back on top of it, soaking up the heat from the fireplace next to her.

What in the Worlds had happened?

Aqua rubbed her chest to dispel the sensation of tightness and a strange, lingering chill. The last thing she remembered was feeling as if something was squeezing her heart, before waking up to Vanitas's tear-streaked face. His eyes had been wet last night too, but she'd never actually seen him cry before. Not to mention all those Unversed… Aqua had felt the negativity wafting off them. Whatever had happened had been dire. Just how long had she been out?

Aqua pressed a hand to her forehead, still a bit lightheaded. These blackouts couldn't be normal, could they? Of course, the last few days she'd been fighting the Heartless, sparring with Vanitas, dealing with emotional stress, not to mention casting the most powerful lightning spell she ever had in her entire life… And here she'd been worried Vanitas had been pushing himself too hard. Perhaps the cold in her chest was a side effect of using too much ice magic yesterday?

"Maybe I just overdid it," Aqua mused aloud. She wasn't entirely sure she believed that, but what else could it have been? A soft chittering sound startled her out of her thoughts. She bolted upright, instantly regretting it as the tension in her head increased. Looking for the source of the sound, Aqua spotted the strange blue Flood poking its head around the doorframe. "Hello…?" she greeted it uncertainly. The creature dived into the floor and slithered over to the table, popping out again to peer at her from between the chair legs.

Just what did this Unversed want from her?

Aqua nearly screamed as the Flood suddenly scrambled towards her and jumped into her lap. She was halfway from casting Fire before realizing it wasn't attacking her. Instead, it curled up against her like a cat. Aqua's eyes flicked towards the door before returning to the Flood. Vanitas wasn't doing this, was he? He had become rather… affectionate since last night; he really did have a way of invading her personal space… But then, she couldn't really blame him. Vanitas had been deprived of four years worth of hugs; Aqua was more than happy to indulge him.

She cautiously rested her hand upon the Unversed's back. The creature squirmed slightly but otherwise remained seated in her lap. Aqua ran her hand along the Flood's smooth, rubbery hide. Unlike the chilly Darkness exuded by the Heartless, the Unversed's skin was mildly warm. It chittered again, turning its small pointed face to nuzzle her fingers. It was actually kind of cute.

"You're a strange little one," she murmured, scratching it under the chin. The Flood made a low warbling noise, almost like a purr.

Could this day get any weirder?

Vanitas took that moment to walk in from the kitchen. "I made you a sandwich," he announced cheerily, setting down a full plate and a glass of water on the dining table. "I didn't know what you wanted, so I just—" He stopped mid-sentence as he spotted the Unversed.

Now, Master Eraqus had always praised Aqua on her maternal instincts —much to her mild chagrin— especially when it came to caring for Ventus when he had first arrived to the Land of Departure comatose and zombielike. However, she had never in her wildest dreams thought she'd feel the urge to defend an Unversed. But from the way Vanitas's expression darkened and his yellow eyes burned with malice, she suddenly wanted to protect the little blue Flood.

As though sensing the danger it was in, the Unversed leapt from her lap and took off, sprinting on its tiny pointed hind legs towards the door.

"What the hell were you doing?!" Vanitas practically screamed after the fleeing creature, flexing his fingers as if to summon his Keyblade. "Stay away from her!"

Aqua stood as quickly as she could on shaky legs, grabbing Vanitas's arm as the Unversed scurried out the dining hall. "Wait, don't hurt it!" she pleaded. "I don't think it's dangerous."

Vanitas rounded on her, his face twisted into a snarl— canine teeth bared; eyes wild and gleaming. Not for the first time, Aqua worried for his sanity.

"Not dangerous?!" he shouted incredulously, his tone bordering on hysterical and loud enough to aggravate her already growing headache. "Aqua, you sure you didn't hit your head? I'm pretty sure we both know the Unversed are dangerous."

"Not this one," she protested. "It hasn't tried to hurt me."

Vanitas scoffed and narrowed his eyes.

"You said it yourself, this one's different."

"How so?" he growled.

"It's… tame, I guess." Was that a strange thing to say about one of his emotions?

"Tame…?" he repeated quietly, his gaze trailing to the door through which the Unversed had escaped.

Aqua sank into a chair at the table, feeling somewhat drained. "I think it knows you're trying to reabsorb it," she suggested. It would explain why the Flood kept fleeing from its master.

Vanitas huffed and looked at her. "Unlikely. The Unversed aren't that bright. It's just acting out its emotion."

"Its emotion?"

"Yeah…" He slowly took his usual place opposite her at the table. "Each Unversed is born from a different negative emotion. Floods are my Fear, Anxiety, Irritation… Guess you could say they're Antsy."

Anxiety? Aqua felt a twinge of sadness at how common those particular Unversed were. Was Vanitas dealing with that all the time? Although, something didn't quite add up— the blue Flood hadn't acted scared or agitated around her; quite the opposite. "And the others?"

"What, you want a list?"

"Just curious."

Vanitas hummed thoughtfully, drumming his fingers against the tabletop. "…Alright. But you better eat that," he gestured to her lunch. "Don't let my cooking go to waste."

Aqua ate her sandwich —a simple yet tasty one filled with lettuce, cheese, and ham— while Vanitas explained each of his Unversed and the emotions that comprised them. Bruisers, Shoegazers, and Red Hot Chilis all fell under Anger and Frustration. Archravens and Axe Flappers were made of Dread and Terror. Blue Sea Salts, Scrappers, and Mandrakes came from Sorrow, Loneliness, and Shame. Yellow Mustards were Panic, Triple Wreckers were Confusion, Chrono Twisters were Boredom; the list went on and on.

Aqua listened closely, partially out of morbid curiosity but also because she realized this could help her figure out what Vanitas was feeling, no matter how cryptic he insisted on being. She had never thought each Unversed was so specific to a single emotion, but the more she learned about them the more it made sense.

"…And Vile Phials are Disgust," Vanitas finished, crossing his arms and reclining in his chair.

"I kind of figured," Aqua said, pushing aside her now empty plate and brushing breadcrumbs off her lap.

Seriously, that horrible Unversed sludge had been the nastiest stuff she had ever put in her mouth. How did Vanitas manage to choke those down without puking? Was he really that used to the taste? A dark thought told her that under Xehanort's tutelage, he'd probably had plenty of opportunities to acquire one. Aqua couldn't imagine the old Master offering him a Hi-Potion.

She must've have made a face because Vanitas gave her a look. "Vile Phials ain't all bad. They've saved my ass on more than one occasion. And the other Unversed… have their uses," he admitted reluctantly. "They make for good training dummies, at least."

Aqua sucked in a sharp breath through her teeth. That's right, Vanitas had spread the Unversed to train Ven in order to strengthen him enough to forge the X-Blade. But if that was true of Ventus, then did that mean… "Vanitas… did Xehanort ever… Did he force you to—"

"Kill my own Unversed?"

Aqua nodded solemnly.

He regarded her for several moments. "He… encouraged it."

"Only encouraged?"

Vanitas shrugged dismissively, his next words dripping with sarcasm. "When Xehanort was feeling generous he'd take time out of his 'busy schedule' to train me himself. That's how I got most of these lovely scars." A strange, high-pitched sound escaped him. It took Aqua a second to recognize it as a laugh. "But he knew killing the Unversed made me stronger; I knew it too. Long as I'm around, they're an infinite resource— the ultimate replaceable punching bag. No need to waste his precious time on the likes of me."

Aqua paled and raised a hand to her mouth. So Vanitas's fits of violent anger towards his own emotions weren't just random; he'd been forced to kill parts of himself as some sort of routine. "That's… Oh Light, that's horrible," she breathed.

Vanitas gave a stiff nod. "Look, Aqua," he started, leaning forwards to rest his arms on the table and catching her blue gaze with a desperate one of this own. "I get it's easier to blame the old man for everything, but I'm the one who came up with the idea in the first place. I wasn't as strong as I needed to be, and the Unversed made for the perfect opponents." He dug his fingernails into the back of his forearm where the scar tissue was thickest, his lips curving in a weak imitation of a smile. "It's like what you and Terra said, remember? All these dents and nicks I got? Each one of them is proof I was learning. He might be an idiot but… it was good advice."

Aqua stared at him in shock. Dents and nicks…? Light, that conversation had been years ago… and Terra had been talking about Ven's wooden sword, not himself. Ventus had only just begun his training with her and Terra. He'd fallen down from a particularly hard blow and had continued to look miserable even after the spar was over, so she and Terra had tried to cheer him up with a pep talk. Out of every lesson they had ever told Ven, it was that Vanitas had taken to heart?!

She shook her head, gently prying Vanitas's fingers from his arm. "We didn't mean it like that. We meant to always get back up on your feet, no matter how many times you fail. Not— not hurting yourself."

"I made myself stronger," he insisted.

Was that really strength? Hurting so much, all the time?

"Training alone wasn't good enough," Vanitas continued. "I needed to be filled with Darkness, and Ventus needed to be filled with Light. That's why Xehanort sent him off to be coddled by Eraqus. 'Light requires positivity to flourish'," he said as if quoting someone. "And Darkness… Darkness is made of loneliness, hatred, and…"

"Pain," she whispered.

"Yeah." He lowered his eyes. "I could sense it, you know. Ventus had everything— food, friends, a warm place to sleep at night… Meanwhile I had to suffer all alone in that fucking wasteland. While Ventus was cared for, I was… I was being…"

"Tortured?" Aqua supplied quietly; Vanitas flinched. She cursed her own tactlessness.

"I was being trained," he hissed, pulling free of her grip. Before she could react, Vanitas's eyes widened a little, as if startled by his own anger. He placed his hand over his face and took a steadying breath. "We were supposed to be having fun today, but I've fucked it all up." He mumbled into his palm.

"The day's not over yet."

"Yeah, twelve more hours left for me to screw up again."

"Vanitas…"

He avoided her gaze and instead stood from his seat, setting to work gathering up all the dishes off the floor. Vanitas picked up a cracked plate —his second one today— and sighed again. "Fucking worthless. Can't do anything right," he muttered under his breath.

"It's just a plate," Aqua implored. "It doesn't matter. We have tons more."

He was silent for a long moment, picking up the rest of the silverware. When he next spoke, his voice was low. "I've already failed Master Xehanort. Four years worth of training and I still couldn't forge the X-Blade. And today I almost failed—" Vanitas closed his eyes and let out a long sigh. "I don't want you to pity me, Aqua. I just need you to be my friend. Please."

Vanitas sounded so tired and defeated. Aqua knew he viewed himself as broken; now her own heart felt close to breaking, too. Xehanort had convinced Vanitas there was nothing to life but pain and suffering, scarred his body and mind… And all for what? Power? The X-Blade? Was that worth harming a child? Vanitas had been denied such simple things… No wonder he hated Terra and Ventus. No wonder he had once hated her.

"I am your friend, Vanitas. It's just— I can't stand it; what Xehanort did to you is unforgivable."

Vanitas placed the final piece of dinnerware on the table before shoving his hands in his pockets and moving closer to the fireplace. "…My Master needed a weapon," he shrugged glumly, staring at the dwindling flames.

Was he talking about the X-Blade, or himself?

"That's not an excuse for him to abuse you."

Vanitas stiffened, his eyes narrowing as his teeth audibly clicked together. "I could take it."

"Just because you could doesn't mean you should have to!" Aqua insisted. "…Why do you keep defending him? I don't understand this," she muttered to herself before glancing back at him. "Vanitas, he used you—"

"Aqua," he interrupted curtly, grabbing a log from the woodpile near the fireplace and tossing into the hearth with a loud thump. "Just drop it, okay?"

She'd pushed him too far.

An uncomfortable silence followed as Vanitas sat in front of the fireplace with a troubled expression, the reflection of the Dark Fire dancing in his golden eyes. Wood sizzled and popped from the heat as he curled his knees up to his chest. He looked so lost.

Aqua bit her lip in frustration— frustration at herself, frustration at Vanitas… but most of all frustration at what Master Xehanort had done to him. That monster had forced Vanitas to hurt himself and called it 'training'. Perhaps Vanitas had convinced himself it had been his idea just so he'd feel as if he had a modicum of choice in his life. With his deep, gravelly voice and muscular build, it was easy to forget sometimes that Vanitas was just a teenager, and younger than her to boot.

Light, she was just a teenager too, but sometimes Aqua felt older with the weight of all the responsibilities that'd been thrust upon her over the years, from caring for Ventus to protecting the Worlds. If Vanitas was the same age as Ven, then he would've been just a boy when he was first under Xehanort's control. Had the abuse started immediately? Or had it taken time for Xehanort to decide to mold his apprentice into the perfect weapon? Had Vanitas had a chance at a normal childhood at all? Something in Aqua's heart told her it was the former.

Tears of shame pricked her eyes. Aqua had promised Vanitas just yesterday she wouldn't push him anymore, yet here she was once again prying into his personal history. She couldn't save the Worlds, she couldn't save her friends, she couldn't save the heart of just one boy. By attempting to help, she'd only made things worse. Again.

What is wrong with me?

Aqua opened her mouth to apologize, but Vanitas beat her to the punch.

"…I'm sorry, Aqua," Vanitas whispered miserably. "This is… It's hard for me to explain."

"Please don't apologize," she insisted, shaking her head and placing a hand over her heart. "It's my fault. I shouldn't have pushed you. You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to."

Vanitas mulled it over. "…I know I was being used," he finally said. "I wanted to kill Xehanort for what he did to me. I still do. But… he made me; he raised me. I didn't ask for this, to be split apart. But now that I'm here, I—" He shook his head. "I'm not sure if he saw me more as a person or a doll; honestly, I don't know which is worse."

A doll…?

Her stomach churned as she realized what he meant. If Xehanort had believed Vanitas was human, and still treated him like that… Perhaps it would've been better if the old Master thought of him as nothing more than a mere object, no matter how dehumanizing it was. The alternative would be crueler than anything.

"It wasn't all bad, though. Xehanort's smart," Vanitas continued, a hint of reverence in his tone. "He taught me things, about nature and magic and how to play chess; sometimes he'd even reward me if I did well enough with my training. My Master showed me a lot of Worlds— forests and jungles and all kinds of places where I could hunt and play…" Vanitas glanced at her; the nostalgic fondness in his eyes made her sick. "Xehanort made me strong. He gave me a purpose; a reason for living. Without him, I wouldn't even exist. Don't I owe him for that?"

Did he? How much did Aqua owe her own father, a man she'd never even met? Who had left her mother to fend for herself? Who couldn't have been bothered to stick around for his own daughter's sake? No, creation alone wasn't enough; not without love and care. And Master Xehanort knew nothing of love.

"No," she answered firmly. "You don't owe him a thing; not after what he did to you." Aqua sat next to Vanitas and wrapped an arm around him. She wanted to hold him— hold him and erase everything that man had ever done to him. "We don't get to choose who we come from. No one does. But you don't need a reason to be alive, Vanitas."

"Don't you?" he asked, wide-eyed. "Doesn't everyone? Your purpose is to protect the Worlds, isn't it? Them and… your friends." It almost sounded as if he was excluding himself.

"…I don't know," Aqua admitted slowly. "Maybe just being alive and happy is enough."

"Happy…" Vanitas repeated as he leaned against her shoulder. "It's funny… When I merged with Ventus we were fighting for control inside our heart, and I thought 'it's either gonna be you, or it's gonna be me'. I didn't really care about the balance of Light and Darkness anymore, who was stronger than who… I just didn't wanna be the one to disappear." His voice lowered to almost a whisper. "Ventus though, he said something to me… 'my friends are my power'. I didn't understand what he meant at the time. I'd always thought no matter how much I wanted friends… they would make me weak." He shook his head, strands of soft hair tickling her chin. "I was wrong. We're stronger together, Aqua. Arguing gets us nowhere."

"I know," she said solemnly. "I'm sorry I've been so overbearing."

Vanitas sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. "I think I get it. You say those things 'cause you care, right?"

"Yes. I guess… sometimes I just don't know how to say it."

He regarded her with a sad smile. "Some pair we are, huh?"

Aqua returned his smile. "Well, you're stuck with me now," she said a little jokingly, running her fingers through his hair. "And hey, if my purpose is to protect my friends, then that includes you, too."

Vanitas's golden eyes softened. "Yeah. I'll be fine… as long as you're here." His smile became more genuine. "Enough about me. You feeling any better?"

"Mhm." She rubbed her forehead. "I had a bit of a headache, but that's gone now."

"That's good…" He tilted his head. "Any idea why you fainted? Was it like the last time?"

Her eyebrows creased. "I can't really remember, but I think so. I've been under a lot of stress, lately."

"Stress?"

"Well… within three days I've been stabbed, burned, suffocated, and nearly froze to death from my own Blizzard spells," Aqua said matter-of-factly, listing off each one on her fingers.

"Sounds like a normal day to me," Vanitas deadpanned with a shrug. Then, at catching her mortified expression, he quickly said, "I'm kidding! Mostly… You fried my Unversed pretty good, too. I didn't even know you could cast Grand Magic."

"Neither did I." Magic as powerful as Thundaja could come at a cost if the caster wasn't experienced enough. Perhaps that was what had caused her blackout? But it couldn't have been why she'd fainted the first time… Plus there was that horrible yet mysterious sensation of drained positivity. She'd felt so empty inside. Maybe this wasn't a random occurrence, but rather… "Do you think the Dark World is causing it? Like you said, there's a lot about this place that we don't know. People aren't meant to survive down here, especially not for so long…"

Vanitas blinked and shifted a little. "What do you mean? You've been down here as long as I have."

"But the Darkness wouldn't effect you the same way, would it?"

"…I suppose not. But why's it only happening now?"

"I don't know." Vanitas was right; she'd been down here for so long, yet nothing like this had ever happened before. Why was it only happening now?

"I bet you were right the first time. You're just tired."

"Mhm." Maybe he was right. She was physically and emotionally exhausted and sleeping in damp clothes yesterday couldn't have helped, either. Perhaps she was catching a cold. "Still, I want to reach the Realm of Light as soon as possible."

Vanitas looked uncomfortable.

Aqua hugged him closer. "Don't worry, we'll defeat Xehanort. I know you're scared; you have every right to be. But the three of us will fight him together; you, me, and Ven, once we find his heart. Maybe Master Yen Sid will know how to get Xehanort out of Terra."

Vanitas squirmed out of her embrace, looking appalled. "Wait, find his heart? You don't know where Ventus's heart is?!"

Aqua startled, taken aback. "Oh Vanitas, I thought you knew! When Mickey took Ven and I to the Mysterious Tower, Master Yen Sid said Ventus's heart wasn't in his body, but rather lost somewhere between Light and Darkness. He can't wake up without it."

"L-lost?!" Vanitas choked. Aqua watched him struggle with himself for several moments in stunned shock. "But I thought… I thought you knew where he was."

"I know where his body is, but his heart— You kind of… broke it."

Vanitas blinked slowly and stared at his knees. "So what you're saying is… you don't even know how to get him back."

"No. I'm sorry. But we'll find him. What Ven needs is someone to believe in him— a connection."

Vanitas stood abruptly.

"Wha— Are you alright?"

"Don't worry about me," he said flatly. "I just need some air." Vanitas turned and headed towards the foyer door.

"O-okay…" Aqua watched after him, noticing the way his shoulders shook as he exited the dining hall. Was he really that worried about Ven? Maybe Vanitas hated his other half less than she'd thought. Aqua sighed to herself. Mentioning her plan to fight Xehanort hadn't been the smartest move, especially not after what Vanitas had just divulged. It was clear even in his absence Xehanort still had a thick chain wrapped around Vanitas's mind. Still, Aqua would do everything in her power to help him break it.

He's stronger than he thinks.

One couldn't wield a Keyblade without a strong heart after all, and Vanitas had the strongest heart she knew. He'd proven himself to be her equal, and worthy of Keyblade Mastery whether he desired it or not. Together, they would find Ventus and the three of them would defeat Xehanort and save Terra. It would take time to mend the rift between the boys of course, but she had to believe. As Terra had said, there was power in dreams. Becoming a Keyblade Master had once been her greatest desire, but now Aqua found that her dream had changed— her, Vanitas, Terra, and Ven, together— as a family.

I refuse to choose. I'll make this work.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Vanitas swiftly walked down the hallway to the Castle entrance and entered the courtyard. He needed to get far away from Aqua so she couldn't hear this— what he couldn't hold back anymore— this emotion welling up inside him, something he'd never felt before.

Jubilation.

His shoulders trembled as a low chuckle escaped him, slowly crescendoing into a high-pitched, hysterical cackle.

Ventus… was gone. He was gone.

That stupid, worthless, pathetic, loser was gone. Forever.

Vanitas suddenly became very quiet.

He clutched at his chest, digging his fingers into the red fabric of his shirt. Did this… really change anything? After walking so long through the craggy wastes and deep, silent forests of the Dark World, Vanitas had grown used to the hollow ache that'd replaced Ventus's positive emotions. With his other half's heart lost and no chance of ever getting him back, Vanitas would never be whole. Could he really just go on being half a heart —an abomination— forever? After all, without Ventus he…

He…

…No, he didn't need Ventus. He had Aqua's Light, now. Since meeting her, it'd actually been a relief to not feel Ventus anymore. And now Vanitas had his own positive emotions to help fill in the void. It wasn't exactly the same as having a whole heart, not really, but it was the best he would get. And maybe… maybe that was okay. His hand relaxed and fell to his side.

When the X-Blade had broken, when all he'd worked for —his one and only hope— had shattered before his eyes… when he had first been banished to this Light-forsaken hell, Vanitas had lost all sense of purpose. But now… now Aqua had given him a new reason for living. She was his salvation.

There was only one thing left to do, then; keep Aqua safe. And that meant never reaching the Realm of Light or going after Terra— after Xehanort. Vanitas knew he had promised to help her save Terra, but if he was too weak to win against her in a mere spar, then he would never be able to defeat his Master, much less without Ventus's help if the idiot truly was gone forever.

What the hell had he even been thinking? It was impossible to win against Master Xehanort. He shouldn't even fantasize about it. It was that sort of foolish notion that had almost gotten him killed once before, and he'd already paid the price for that lesson.

I don't have to be strong enough to defeat Xehanort, he assured himself. We're never going back.

All he had to do was keep Aqua safe from the Heartless. That was easy enough; there were only so many of them left in the Castle. Still, there was one nagging doubt in the back of his mind. If the Realm of Darkness was causing her blackouts, then this place was less of a sanctuary than he'd thought. She was fine now, but what if this kept happening? How much worse would the next one be? Would they be forced to leave this relative safe haven? It seemed like there was no way out of the Castle of Dreams, but… Aqua was smart. Too smart. If anyone was able to discover a way to escape the Dark World, it would be her. The thought of it terrified him.

Vanitas couldn't allow that to happen. He would protect Aqua no matter the cost— even if it meant protecting her from herself. Eraqus was gone. Terra was gone. Ventus was gone. He was the only one she had left, and she was all he'd ever had. Aqua was his and his alone.

His bared teeth glinted in the gloom, whether from a grin or a snarl he couldn't say. Vanitas only knew one truth— nothing would take her away from him.

Nothing.

Thanks for reading!