Disclaimer: I don't own anything that doesn't belong to me.
"Excuse me, Ms. Kagami?"
Kagami, who had been sharpening her blades in preparation for her first match, glanced up at the ninja addressing her. "Yes?"
"Do you know where Karai Hamato or Yoshiharu Igasaki are?" The staffer asked her.
Kagami frowned, perplexed. "I do not. Why?"
"After the end of the current match, it's Karai's turn, followed by Yoshiharu, then you," the ninja explained. "However, neither of them seem to be anywhere in the arena, and we are currently unable to reach them."
Kagami frowned in concern. "What about their families?"
"Neither of their clans are aware of anything amiss, though on a related note, Ms. Shinigami and Leonardo Hamato are also missing," the ninja informed her.
"That's… Odd," Kagami murmured. "I could easily see Yoshiharu going off on his own, or Karai doing something with her lovers without telling anyone… But to do so at the same time? They aren't exactly friends."
"Well, just thought you should get a head's up, after this match Karai has five minutes to make an appearance before it counts as an automatic forfeit, then the same for Yoshiharu, so in roughly…"
He paused as the locker room reverberated from cheering, signaling the end of the current match.
"10 minutes if neither of them show up you're on," the staffer finished.
"… I see. Thank you for telling me," Kagami said. "Speaking of missing ninja, I don't suppose my mother has arrived yet?"
"I'm sorry but I don't know," the ninja said, not sounding very sorry.
"All right. I'd better finish my preparations then," Kagami said with a nod.
"Very well."
The ninja departed the locker room, leaving Kagami to her worried thoughts.
Both Karai – and her lovers – and Yoshiharu gone at the same time? It couldn't possibly be a coincidence, could it? Yoshiharu had mentioned he was finally going to obtain the power to kill his father and more… And given what her mother was currently up to… Could it be…?
She suddenly realized there was a very real chance her mother wouldn't make it in time for her match. Kagami's heart sank. Her mother had never missed a match. She understood how important her current task was, truly, but…
"Mother… Whatever you're doing… Finish it quickly," she murmured in prayer. "I… Do not want to do this without you…"
"Ms. Mibojin, something's going on here," Scarabella reported to Mibojin. "There seems to be a delay for Karai's match. She may be a no-show."
"Hey, sensei, Kagami is supposed to be on soon, isn't she?" Hood realized. "Are we going to make it in time?"
"We'll be cutting it close, but the end is in sight. We should be fine," Mibojin assured her. "And even if we're late, we'll still be able to watch the match through Scarabella."
"It won't be the same for Kagami, though," Manti pointed out.
"Which is why we must endeavor to finish this quickly," Mibojin replied, glancing around the exhibition gallery they'd entered, a collection of ninja memorability throughout history, guests examining these artifacts collected from all over the world in wonder. At the back of the room was a roped off core door with a sign labeled 'VIP only' guarded by a pair of Shadowkhan. Mibojin was pleased to see that the number of security guards was drastically reduced thanks to the riot still in effect, which would make this much easier.
"While I am certain there are many who would seek to steal the fabled scroll, we have one advantage they do not," Mibojin told her accomplices. "We do not actually need to steal it. One look at its contents and the technique will be imprinted on the Buzzing for all time, available to every member of the Hive. To do so, we shall repeat our previous plan: we will create a diversion, and Manti will slip into the VIP area, read the scroll, then return to us without anyone being the wiser."
"I'm ready," the Divine Insect reported.
"So am I," Queen Apista slurred, already deep in her cups.
"What do we do, sensei?" Hood asked.
"Hood, when people look at you, they do not see a ninja, they see a huge, clumsy oaf," Mibojin told her.
"That's hurtful, sensei," Hood complained, upset.
"It's also a convenient cover. If you were to 'accidentally' break one of these valuable artifacts, few people would believe you did it intentionally," Mibojin told her.
"But I don't want to break any of these artifacts! They're part of this planet's legacy of ninjutsu!" Hood protested. "They're priceless and irreplaceable!"
"A good point," Mibojin conceded. "But there must be something here that would suffice, perhaps something relating to the Igasaki clan…ah. There we go. You see that big blue pot over there?"
"The one labeled 'Do Not Touch?'"
"I want you to do more than touch it. I want you to break it."
"Yes, sensei!"
Hood started making her way towards the pot as inconspicuously as possible… Which meant she looked very conspicuous and drew everyone's attention… Which was actually exactly what they wanted, and Mibojin grudgingly had to admit she was doing a good job. "Oh wow!" Hood exclaimed. "This pot sure looks really old and really valuable! I sure hope nothing happens to it!"
She stood there for a moment. Everyone stared at her.
Mibojin and half the Hive did a mental facepalm. Apista finished another glass.
"Oh no, I'm falling," Hood said very unconvincingly, yet still somehow more believable than whenever Goro tried to act, slowly teetering forwards, wiggling her arms in the air, and ineffectually swiped a limb through the air, nudging the pot, which wobbled but otherwise did nothing.
Hood stood there awkwardly, radiating embarrassment.
And then an alarm went off and she screamed, whipped out her club, and smashed the pot.
"Sorry, I panicked," she said sheepishly as everyone stared at her and Mibojin tried very hard not to facepalm for real.
The glugging of Apista swallowing an entire bottle of nectar echoed throughout the Buzzing.
As several Shadowkhan emerged from the shadows, suddenly, a blue clad ninja with a big gold N on his chest and forehead burst out of the remains of the pot. "At last! After 1000 years, the partner of Justice, Ninjaman, is free!"
"Wow, he's really been in there that long?" Hood wondered in surprise.
"No, he was put in time out in that pot a year or two ago for accidentally blowing up the new Kakure school, I doubt he had any way to tell time and there," Mibojin replied.
"Ninjaman, help, those ninjas are going to apprehend my apprentice!" Mibojin said aloud, which was more or less completely accurate.
"What! This will not stand!" Ninjaman declared, drawing his katana. "Fear not, fair maiden, as thanks for freeing me, I will protect you!"
Shouting a battle cry, he began fighting the startled Shadowkhan. Hood and several of the other attendants cheered him on. The guards to the VIP section hesitated, uncertain whether they should assist their comrades or stay at their posts.
It didn't matter. Manti had already slipped past them when Hood broke the pot. Ninjaman only needed to keep the Shadowkhan occupied for just another few minutes-
"Mibojin," Manti shouted. "We have trouble!"
Mibojin and Hood were in motion even before she said anything, horrified by what they saw through her eyes. Everyone was too busy watching the fight to notice, but the Shadowkhan guarding the VIP area did, and drew their swords.
Without hesitation, Mibojin slit one's throat while Hood smashed the other with her club, and then they were running down the hallway. "Are we going to get in trouble for this?" Hood asked.
"It's very likely," Mibojin admitted. "But we can deal that later. Right now, we have to stop-"
They barged into the VIP area, where some of the rarest, most valuable, most prized and dangerous ninja treasures, artifacts, and weapons were on display, but neither master ninja or apprentice had time to focus on any of that right now due to the purple clad figure removing the scroll they sought from its podium, wisps of black smoke rising from the ground where he had cut down all the Shadowkhan guards.
"Don Murasame!"
The ninja from another dimension glanced at Mibojin, impossible to tell whether or not he was surprised under his mask. Not there was a face under that mask, granted. "Mibojin of the Mantis clan. And… A cicada?"
"Hi! I'm Hood, I'm her apprentice!" Hood said cheerfully, waving at the dark ninja.
"Hood, don't wave at our adversary, he has the scroll we want," Mibojin chided her apprentice as Manti hopped onto her wrist.
"Oh, right, sorry."
"So you want the scroll as well?" Don Murasame asked, tilting his head.
Mibojin nodded. "It contains the secrets of the Oonemuri Touch. With its power, the Hive can save the universe and defeat the Swarm forever. I assume you wish to learn the same technique? Perhaps to kill Taro Momoi?"
"Actually, no, Master sent me to retrieve it," Don Murasame informed her.
Mibojin frowned, perplexed. "What would Goshikida want with that scroll?"
"He thinks it'll look good on the wall of the café," Don Murasame said wearily.
Mibojin, Hood, and Manti stared at him.
"That's stupid," Hood said bluntly.
Don Murasame groaned. "Yeah, but he's my master, so…" He shrugged helplessly.
Much to her annoyance, Mibojin discovered she felt a modicum of sympathy for him. How irritating.
"Be that as it may, you aren't leaving here with that scroll," Mibojin said, drawing her blades.
"I think that's my line," Don Murasame said, drawing the Ninjark sword.
However, before they could begin to fight, a kusarigama flashed through the air, snatching the scroll out of Don Murasame's hands and into the grasp of a waiting Shinigami. "Sorry, it's mine now!" The ninja witch chirped. "Or rather, my lady's," she said, kneeling and presenting the scroll to a pleased Karai.
"Karai?!" Mibojin exclaimed in disbelief. "And… Leonardo?!" She added, noticing the very uncomfortable looking blue-clad Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle standing next to her daughter's ex. "Does your father know what you're up to?"
"No," Leonardo said morosely. "We're going to get in so much trouble for this…"
"It'll be worth it," Karai insisted. "Sorry, Ms. Mibojin, but I need to learn the Oonemuri Touch, it may be the only thing that will let me kill the Shredder once and for all and take control of the Foot clan."
"While your cause is admirable, I'm afraid our need for the scroll is greater than yours," Mibojin said sternly, raising her blades. "Do not think that just because of your past relationship with my daughter that I will go easy on you."
Karai grinned, bearing her fangs. "Wouldn't have it any other way."
"Not so fast!"
Suddenly, a red blur shot past, snatching the scroll from Karai's hands. "Hey! What the… Yoshiharu?!"
"Sorry Karai, but you aren't the only one who has a seemingly unkillable father that needs to be taken down!" Yoshiharu said, gripping the scroll.
"That's… Okay, honestly, I'm almost tempted to let you have it, because seriously, fuck Takaharu," Karai admitted.
"Agreed," said Mibojin.
"Indeed," agreed Don Murasame.
"Unfortunately, I hate my own not-dad just a little bit more, which is why you're going to hand that over," Karai informed him.
"Not happening!"
Another kusarigama shot through the air, snatched the scroll out of Yoshiharu's hands, and pulled it into the waiting grip of…
"Ryo Murasame?!" Everyone cried.
"This scroll is far too dangerous to be used for something as petty and dangerous as revenge," the veteran hero told them sternly. "Which is why I will be using it for a much greater purpose… To convince everyone that I am a ninja so I can get back into the Ninja Riders Coalition!"
Everyone stared at him. "Bro," Leo said, unimpressed.
"Wow, and here I thought Don Murasame's reason was dumb," Hood commented.
"It's not my idea!" Don Murasame protested.
"Sorry Gramps, but that scroll is coming with me!"
A green blur shot past, grabbing the scroll from the startled Ryo's hands, resolving itself to be…
"Ren?!" Ryo exclaimed.
Kamen Rider Kenzan grinned. "With the power of this scroll, I'm the one who's getting back into the Ninja Riders Coalition! And then Desast will apologize for being mean to me and I'll kill that stupid novelist and Yako will dump her dumb husband and Kento will finally leave that ugly hag of an editor and they'll both go out with me!"
Everyone stared at him.
"I hate every word that just came out of your mouth," said a disgusted Shinigami.
"Wait, I thought you couldn't read," Hood pointed out.
"The scroll will have pictures!" Ren insisted defensively. "… Right?"
"Yeah, there's no way that will ever happen."
A red and black blur shot past Ren repeatedly, causing him to cry out as sparks flew from his armor, and collapsed to the floor whimpering in pain when a knee was driven into his groin hard enough to crack his codpiece.
"Yako Kagura?!" Everyone exclaimed.
The ridiculously gorgeous and busty black skinned nogitsune bent over to pick up the scroll Ren had dropped, deliberately thrusting her very shapely rear in the air and causing everyone but an annoyed Mibojin to get rather flustered. "That's right," she said in a breathy, orgasmic tone as she stood back up, her incredibly long red and black hair flowing behind her and brushing the ground. "And I have my own plans for this piece of ancient wisdom. I have no interest in using the Oonemuri Touch or any of the other Kiba no Hoko arts to kill people, but… With the knowledge of pressure points contained in the scroll, I think I can make my husband very happy."
Everyone except for an even more irritated Mibojin suddenly looked very interested in this. "… I had no idea it could be used that way," Ryo admitted.
"Well, I just thought of something we can do after we use the scroll to kill Shredder," Karai said eagerly, Shinigami looking at her in adoration and Leonardo turning almost red enough to be mistaken for his brother Raphael.
"Please, it'll take a lot more than that to make your husband happy, hag!"
Two blurs shot past Yako, snatching it from her grasp. "Why you-"
"Fourth Spear Wendinu and First Spear Furabijou?!" Everyone exclaimed.
"With the power of the Oonemuri Touch, we can finally restore the Jakanja to its former glory!" Wendinu declared, laughing haughtily.
"And finally have a full team of Seven Dark Spears again," Furabijou said happily. "We've already signed on Chuuzubo's niece Zuubcho, Satarakura III, and Sandaaru III. Just two more to go!"
"Sorry, but the only ninja clan getting restored around here is Dark Shadow!"
A blue blur shot past, snatching the scroll from Wendinu's hand. "Hey!"
"Shizuka of the Wind?!" Everyone exclaimed.
"Is anyone starting to feel like this is a Scooby Doo episode?" Yoshiharu murmured.
"Nobody's gotten unmasked, though," Leonardo pointed out.
"We could unmask her," Yako said, nodding at Hood.
"Absolutely not!" The cicada shouted.
"That's right, it's me, Shizuka! And with the amount of money we'll get from selling this scroll to the highest bidder, we're going to be rolling in the yen, and maybe finally afford a new dojo!" The kunoichi cackled.
"Fools, all of you. We are the ones who will be restored to greatness!"
A figure dropped down from the ceiling, striking Shizuka with a blade and grabbing the scroll.
"Flower Ninja Ayame?!" Everyone exclaimed.
"Indeed it is I! The flowery Kunoichi Team has been all but forgotten by history… But with the power of this scroll, we can finally return to the spotlight!" The Youkai declared.
"I don't think so!"
A yellow blur snatched the scroll out of Ayame's hands. She gasped. "You?!"
"Seikai?!" Everyone exclaimed.
The yellow Kakuranger angrily pointed at Mibojin. "I knew it! I knew you were up to something! You were after this scroll all along!"
"Tch," Mibojin grunted in frustration, realizing this was getting out of hand.
"Now you know how I feel," Apista slurred.
"What a mess," Ariel commented with far more amusement than the situation warranted.
"I suspected someone else might make a play for the scroll… But not this many," a disturbed Goro muttered.
"If anything, I thought there'd be more of them," Shin remarked.
"Don't forget about me!"
"Ah, I spoke too soon."
A blue and gold blur snatched the scroll from Seikai's hands, revealing itself to be…
"Ninjaman?! What are you doing? We're on the same side!" Seikai demanded incredulously.
"Yeah, not gonna lie, I have no idea what's going on here," Ninjaman admitted. "Wait, Seikai? You're still alive, after all these centuries?"
"Centuries - Ninjaman, you were only in the jar for a couple of years!" The yellow Kakuranger shouted. "And you still have a few more left on your sentence!"
Ninjaman's shoulders fell. "Oh. Darn."
"Ha ha, fools! The scroll is mine!"
Suddenly, a giant purple mechanical hand smashed through the ceiling and grabbed the scroll from a startled Ninjaman's hands.
"Nightbird?!" Everyone gasped.
The Decepticon ninja laughed, just barely able to squeeze part of her face through the hole she'd made in the ceiling. "With the power of this scroll, I will kill Optimus Prime, and win Megatron's spark! Wait, scrap-"
The much smaller scroll slipped through her giant mechanical fingers, landing in the waiting palm of…
"Sora Kazekiri?!" Everyone exclaimed.
"Ah, at long last," the bespectacled Shinobiryu ninja said, examining the scroll proudly. "With the information on this scroll… I'll once again know something my fiancé doesn't and can take the lead in our ongoing competition of love and knowledge!"
Every stared at him. "Wait what," Leonardo said.
"Well, all relationships are different," Yako reasoned.
Mibojin facepalmed.
A – very small – green blur zipped past Sora, grabbing the scroll from him. "I won't let any of you take this scroll!"
"Lloyd Garmadon?!" Everyone exclaimed.
"Oh gosh he's so tiny," Shinigami gasped, eyes wide and sparkling.
"They're even letting toys in now? Shurikon really has gone downhill…" The disgruntled Ryo muttered.
"I'm not letting any of you claim the secrets of this scroll of Forbidden Spinjitzu!" The walking talking Lego minifigure declared.
"That's not a scroll of Forbidden Spinjitzu," Don Murasame told him.
Lloyd paused. "It's not?"
"That is the scroll containing the secrets of the Kiba no Hoko," Mibojin informed him.
"The scroll you want is over there," Ryo said, pointing at a podium with a ridiculously tiny scroll placed on it.
"Oh! That's… Yeah, that makes a lot more sense," Lloyd said sheepishly. "I did think this scroll seemed a bit large… Sorry, I'll just get out of here."
He put down the scroll and started for the podium.
Everyone watched him for a minute, then suddenly realized the scroll they wanted was up for grabs, but before any of them could get there, it was picked up by…
Everyone opened their mouth to cry out his name, only to stare at him in confusion, realizing they had no idea who the overweight middle-aged man in a purple ninja costume in bad need of a shave was. "… I'm sorry, who are you?" Yako asked.
"That is Minoru Ono," Don Murasame informed them. "He is a recurring adversary of the DonBrothers and the most frequent target for transformations into Hitotsuki other than Tsuyoshi Kijino, and is the closest thing Taro Momoi has to a nemesis since Sonoi died."
"I don't want to be his nemesis!" Minoru shouted angrily. "I don't want to be constantly turning into a monster and trying to kill him at the drop of a hat!" He started trembling, on the verge of tears. "I've tried… I've tried so hard to let go of my desires and my enmity, to just live a completely ordinary peaceful life on the farm with mother. But… But whenever I try, I just…" He squeezed his eyes shut. "I want to be a ninja. That's always been my dream, and no matter how hard I try, I can't let go, and wherever I go he always happens to be there, telling and showing everyone that no matter how hard they try they will never measure up or ever be as good as he is because he's apparently perfect which means I keep turning into a Hitotsuki, and getting beaten up by Taro and his companions, making me resent him even more and making me vulnerable to transforming again, and it's a vicious circle that will never end until one of us dies for good!"
He looked down at the scroll in his hand. "But with this… I can finally break the cycle. I can finally defeat Taro once and for all, without him being revived yet again by some deus ex machina Cerebran vomit bullshit. Maybe then… Maybe then my nightmares of being hunted mercilessly by that red demon will finally end."
Everyone stared at him, stunned, and much to Mibojin's frustration she actually felt a little sorry for him.
And then Wendinu stuck out her tongue and pulled down her eyelid. "Whatever, loser! Nobody cares about your sad pathetic life. Give us the scroll!"
"Yeah, give it!" Furabijou agreed.
"No, that scroll is coming with me!" Shizuka interjected.
"It's mine!" Ayame declared.
"I'm not letting any of you get that scroll!" Seikai snarled.
"It's adorable that you think you can stop me," Yako purred seductively.
"I need that scroll!" Ryo pleaded.
"Not as badly as I do," Mibojin insisted.
"I need it too, you know," Karai interjected.
"So do I!" Yoshiharu protested.
"I must have it, for the glory of Megatron!" NightBird yelled.
"I don't even want it, but I have to get it," Don Murasame complained.
"Don't mind me, got what I came for, leaving now," Lloyd said, wending between their feet.
"Hey, I don't suppose I could get a look at that-" Sora started.
"No."
"Oh hell, this is going to turn to a clusterfuck," Goro groaned as the tension in the room grew thicker by the second, violence only moments away from breaking out.
"Mibojin, I warned you this was going to be a bad idea," Nushi said anxiously.
Mibojin grunted in irritation, narrowing her eyes. "We can still get what we came for. Hood, get ready for a fight-"
"Sorry sensei, but I have another idea."
"What-"
"EVERYBODY STOP!" Hood shouted at the top of her lungs, startling everyone and causing all the ninjas – or wannabe ninjas – in the room to stare at her, except for Ren, who was whimpering in pain on the ground still. "Okay. Now that I have your attention… First of all, is there anyone else who wants to try and steal the scroll?"
There was a cough from the door, and they turned to see an awkward looking Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow. "Uh, yeah, sorry, we were going to fight each other for the scroll, but… It doesn't look like there's enough room in there for us too, and you're all in the middle of something, so we're just going to leave."
"Thank you," Hood said as the two ninjas left. "Now, second, do we really want to fight in here? I mean, we're in a room full of priceless historical relics, cursed artifacts, and/or ancient evils, and if we break anything we would be destroying irreplaceable pieces of our Shinobi heritage, potentially risk the end of the world, or worse, get banned for life."
Some of the tension ebbed from the room as everyone grudgingly admitted she had a point.
"And finally… Why are we even fighting at all?" Hood asked.
"Because each of us wants the scroll," Mibojin pointed out in irritation.
"No, each of us wants the knowledge on the scroll," Hood replied. "The scroll itself isn't important. Why don't we all just read it together?"
There was a pause. Everyone stared at her.
"What," Yako said.
"Look," Hood said. "Each of us wants what's on that scroll for a reason, be it good, evil, or stupid."
"Why do I feel called out?" Ryo muttered unhappily.
"So we could either fight each other to the death or something close to it so only one of us can have the knowledge on it… Orrrrr… And just hear me out here… We share the knowledge instead, so each of us gets what we want, and since none of our desires are mutually exclusive, there's no real reason not to," Hood suggested.
She pointed at Karai and Yoshiharu. "They get to kill their fathers!"
She pointed at Ryo. "You can prove you're a ninja and get back in your club!"
She pointed at Yako. "You can do wonderful things to your husband!"
She pointed at Wendinu, Furabijou, Shizuka, and Ayame. "You can restore your clans!"
She pointed at NightBird. "You can impress your boss!"
She pointed at Sora. "You can temporarily get one over on your fiancé, for however long that lasts!"
She pointed at Minoru. "You can kill that Taro guy!"
She pointed at Ren. "And you… Can just keep lying there because honestly, you're the worst."
She pointed to Mibojin and herself. "And we can vanquish the Swarm! Everybody wins!"
"I won't," Don Murasame pointed out. "I need the scroll, not what's on it."
"And I was hoping to sell it!" Shizuka argued.
"The two of you can fight to the death over the actual physical scroll later," Hood said dismissively. "Or you can take it and Shizuka can just memorize its contents like the rest of us can and use it however she wants. I mean, we're all good enough ninjas to do something like that, right?"
Everyone except Minoru nodded. "I can't," he said plaintively.
"Then take a picture," Hood suggested.
"Oh! That's a great idea!" He exclaimed.
"No it's not! How can you possibly suggest letting knowledge that dangerous into the hands of people as evil as them?!" An outraged Seikai argued. "Not to mention letting other people use it for petty or selfish reasons!"
"According to sensei, morality is relative. And besides, you're going to read the scroll too," Hood pointed out. "Which means yeah, a bunch of bad guys will know the trick… But so will you, and you can teach it to other heroes, meaning that if any ninja uses it for evil reasons, they'll have to contend with good ninjas who will use it right back on them!"
"But that'll just lead us to killing each other!" Seikai protested.
"Exactly! If everyone can use it to kill each other, then nobody will," Hood reasoned. "Mutually assured destruction! Like how in that Cold War you humans had last century, where the two big superpowers kept pointing their nukes at each other but nobody fired first because it would mean they would get wiped out as well!"
"That's… Not entirely a crazy idea," Seikai realized, surprised. "I… Can't believe I'm seriously considering this, but…"
"What?! But we don't want you to learn the technique! Then we can't keep it to ourselves to use whenever we want!" Wendinu protested.
"Share a power this great with organic lifeforms? Never!" NightBird declared. "In fact, I will destroy all of you right now, and take the scroll from your remains!" There was a pause. "Wait. Slag it. I seem to be stuck. Would any of you kindly walk beneath my hand so I can crush you?"
Everyone conspicuously moved far away from her hand.
"Oh, come on!"
"Well, if none of you want to share, then the rest of us can gang up on you, kick you out, then share the technique among ourselves and you won't get anything," Hood offered.
There was a pause. The evil ninjas glanced at each other. "… On second thought, I guess we can share," Ayame said grudgingly.
"I guess it's better than the alternative," Shizuka grumbled.
"Never! I'll never…" NightBird grunted, trying and failing to extricate herself. "Oh for… Still can't move… Oh, fine, just so long as you open the scroll somewhere I can see it, okay?"
"Then… Are we actually doing this?" Yoshiharu asked, hesitantly lowering his blade.
"I think we are," a stunned Karai said, sheathing her blades as Leonardo and Shinigami sighed in relief and disappointment respectively. "We're… Actually going to share this thing. Wow."
"Score one for peace, I guess," a dazed Ninjaman said.
"Very slick, kid," the very impressed Yako told Hood. "Nice job."
"Mother is pleased," Don Murasame added.
Mibojin stared at her apprentice, stunned. "… Hood."
"Yes, sensei?"
"You just ended what could've been a very nasty battle between the representatives of multiple ninja clans and negotiated an unofficial ninjutsu deterrent treaty without a single drop of blood being shed. That is something I would never been able to accomplish," Mibojin confessed. "Well done."
Hood squealed in delight, her joy flooding the Buzzing.
"I think not."
A palm struck Minoru's neck, and he collapsed to the ground, wheezing as a hand pulled the scroll from his grasp.
"Master Jigoku!" Everyone exclaimed.
"Oh, come on, I already asked if there was anyone else who wanted the scroll, you should have spoken up when you had the chance!" Hood complained.
"You… What are you doing here?!" Mibojin demanded.
"I've been following you this whole time," the old ninja leered at her. "I knew you were up to something, and I've caught not just you, but so many others red-handed! Not only were you planning to steal one of our most dangerous treasures, but you were also willing to share it with the unworthy and those who would use it to do harm!"
"Well, sure, when you put it that way…" Hood muttered.
"I now have everything I need to not only banish all of you from Shurikon forever, but if I have anything to say about it, you'll be excommunicated from ninja society completely! Bounties will be placed on your heads, and your clans will no longer be able to shelter you lest they face the wrath of the World Ninja Council's elite ninja hunters!" He gloated, as horror dawned on everyone's faces. "And this will just be the start! With this proof of the degeneracy of the 'modern' ninjas, perhaps the Council will finally see reason and allow for a return to our traditions-"
He was cut off when a blade flashed through the air, cutting off his head.
Everyone stared at Mibojin. "That wasn't me," she said quickly. "Much as I would've wished otherwise…"
"I'm afraid I'm the one responsible," a cloaked figure said, emerging from the shadows, and Mibojin and Hood stiffened as they recognized the voice, panic surging through the Buzzing as it reached down and picked up the scroll from Jigoku's dead fingers. "Was he someone you cared about? Please say yes. That will make this much more fun…" Parasitica crooned.
"… And that's why we unilaterally decided that if an infestation breaks out in North Korea, we'll quarantine the country and bombard it from space," Nushi concluded, earning a smattering of applause and nods of approval.
"A wise decision, that!" Bae agreed. "Now, that clip show ran on a bit longer than expected, so we're going to need to hurry things up if we want to get any Q&A done before our timeslot is up and we need to leave to make room for the next panel. First question, go!"
"Hi honey!" Hikaru, first in line to use the microphone, waved at Ariel.
"Hi dad!" Ariel waved right back.
"Now, I'm aware this is probably a topic you're all sick to death of, but it's about destiny," Hikaru said, causing all the Bugrangers to groan.
"You're right, we are sick to death of it," Goro said in exasperation.
"But we're honor bound by convention etiquette to answer, so… Go for it I guess," Shin grunted.
"Ariel, Aranea, the Arachide Ascendancy believed that their method of predicting the future was completely infallible… But as your recent adventure in ancient Egypt demonstrated, that's far from the truth," Hikaru said, causing Aranea to wince. "What I want to know is… Does this mean the Magitopian Book of Prophecy might also be less-than-perfect?"
Ariel grimaced. "That's… A tough one, dad. Throughout our recorded history, the book has never been wrong, and every single prophecy written in it has come true… But then again, so has every prophecy or vision developed by the Ascendancy, until our adventure in Egypt. I want to believe that our own book is still completely accurate, but… We can no longer be certain that's the case."
She sighed. "On the one hand, if the book can be wrong, then that might mean we might be able to avert the disaster from the prophecy pertaining to Nushi and I… But on the other, it could also mean the future we've envisioned, the one where we each reach our fullest potential – the messiahs of science and magic, the genius who will remake the world and the next Queen of Magitopia – and achieve our dreams like the book promises, might not come to pass." She shrugged. "Right now, all we can really do is keep carrying on like we have, striving to become the people we want to be and make the future we want a reality. If that future lines up with the prophecy, great. If not… Well… I guess we'll just take it a day at a time, right?"
Hikaru nodded. "All right. And Aranea… I know that your own faith in prophecy has been heavily shaken by your experience in Egypt. You had a grand destiny you always took pride in. Are you still going to try and achieve it?"
"… I'm still trying to figure that out," Aranea admitted. "I'm no longer certain if it's what I really want. I thought it was, but…" She shook her head and glanced fondly at Nushi and Ariel. "In the Vaults of Tartarus, I had a vision for a very bright future, and while I'm not completely sure it's what I want anymore, parts of it… Parts of it I want very much. So… I'm going to do my best to make the future I want come true with my own hands. A future where I become the next queen of the Arachide Ascendancy. A future where I remain with your daughter and Nushi. A future where I will guide the destinies of others to bring joy to the universe and destroy fates which would only bring despair. All of these are things I already wanted, but now that I have obtained a different perspective, I want them because I want them, not because this is the path that has been set before me. Even if I still walk that path, I do it because I choose to, not because I must, and that makes all the difference."
Smiling, seeing the way she was gazing at his daughter in adoration, Hikaru nodded "I suppose that's as good an answer as any. Thank you."
"Next question!" Bae cried as Hikaru returned to his seat and was hugged by his wife.
"Um, hi, this isn't a question so much as… Well…" The next person in line, an average looking girl, fidgeted nervously. "I just… I just want to say that all of you are… You're a big inspiration to me. Not just because you save the world, and do it in style…"
Predictably, Ariel preened at this.
"But because… You're like me, or I'm like you," the girl rambled a little nervously. "I'm smarter than most other kids my age. I'm queer. And most importantly…"
Her form shimmered, and suddenly she was a squirrel Amazon.
"I'm not human," she said as several members of the audience gasped and murmured in surprise. "For most of my life, I've had to hide what I am. But you… All of you…"
She sniffled, tearing up. "You don't...You don't hide anything aboutYou don't have to hide anything about who you are. You run the spectrum of sexuality, you're brilliant, proud, unafraid to show the world who you are, and not all of you are human. You… All of you are such an inspiration. That people like you can be heroes means that maybe people like me can be heroes too."
She smiled. "Which is why I want to say thank you, all of you, and I'm sorry Ms. Mibojin isn't here so I could thank her too, because all of you are incredible, and it's because of you that I decided I'm not going to hide who I am anymore. From now on, this is me! The real me! And I'm never going back!"
She started when almost everyone in the audience applauded, then blushed and curled her tail around herself.
"… Thank you," Nushi said, sniffling herself, and she wasn't the only member of her team who was misty eyed. "To hear that, to know that we've been able to make a difference like that in someone's life beyond the usual monster fighting and world saving… It's proof that we really are changing the world for the better. Thank you."
"Can we adopt her?" Ariel asked hopefully.
"Ariel, no."
"Come on, lovebug! She can be practice for when we have our own kids!" Ariel pleaded, causing Nushi to choke and pretty much everyone in the Buzzing to laugh at her.
"I'd like to thank you for inspiring me too… Or rather, one person in particular… You, Lieutenant Aori," the next person, a young man wearing a JSDF jacket, said.
Goro blinked and pointed at himself in surprise. "Me?"
The man nodded. "Yeah, you. You're on a team full of extraordinary people, Lieutenant. A genius who is going to change the world, a master ninja, a mutant grasshopper man, a magic Messiah, an alien princess and her bodyguard…
"And then there's you. Compared to them, you're just a guy!"
Goro frowned. "O…kay…?"
Kari calmly rose to her feet, planning to rip the young man's face off.
"Which means you're the most amazing of them all!" The young man gushed, and Kari hesitated. "You don't have any pre-existing special talents or superpowers or other abilities that don't derive from being a Bugranger. Before this, you were a soldier, a damn good one, but still a soldier. And in spite of that, you're still able to not only keep up with, but sometimes exceed your teammates! The fact that a more or less ordinary guy like you can do that is nothing short of inspiring! And if a guy like you can be heroes… Then maybe a guy like me can too!
"Which is why I'm signing on with the JSDF, as soon as this panel is over!" He declared. "Even if I don't become a Sentai like you or the rest of your old unit… To know that an ordinary Joe like me can make a difference in the world… That's good enough for me!" He saluted. "Thank you, Lieutenant! Thank you for showing me the kind of man I want to be!"
"YEAH! AWRIGHT!" Kamiya shouted as the audience applauded and Kari looked at Goro with absolute pride and love.
"… Godspeed, young man," Goro said, saluting the future soldier and struggling not to cry. "Joining the JSDF was one of the best things that ever happened to me. It gave me family, love, taught me how to be a man. And I hope it'll do the same for you."
"You know, something tells me that's not the only young man here you've inspired to join the Army today, Goro," Bae observed as the prospective recruit returned to his seat. "Now, let's see… Oh, I think this one actually has a question?"
"Yes, hi!" A rather pretty, extremely stylish and fashionable woman asked. "I'm a designer who's been hired to make the outfits for a new team working under a certain agency, and I've hit a bit of a dead end with the material for suits. I'm trying to make something that's not only stylish and functional, but strong enough to withstand just about any force without losing motility or flexibility. I was wondering what kind of spandex your team used-"
"IT'S NOT SPANDEX!" Nushi shouted, startling the woman. "Sorry," she said, embarrassed. "Bit of a touchy subject. It's not spandex, but a nanopolymer mesh created from tiny interlocking drones produced by our Divine Insects-"
Arachne and Scorpio coughed.
"Or Arachnids," Nushi quickly corrected.
The woman's face fell. "Oh. So not something I can replicate?"
"I'm afraid not," Nushi said apologetically. "However, if it's strong, light, flexible material you're looking for, there are plenty of bugs back at the Hive that can produce something that might work-"
"They could," Aranea interjected. "Except the fabrics of the Hive, while exquisite, still can't compare to what a master Arachide Weaver like myself could produce. If you are really that desperate for something that could work, I think we might be able to work something out. If you're willing to wait until after the panel, we can talk further."
"You would? Really?!" The designer exclaimed, ecstatic.
Aranea nodded. "Yes. And of course we can also discuss…" She paused, glancing the woman up and down before smiling. "Compensation."
Very red and very excited, the woman hurriedly returned to her seat.
"… Lucky lady," Bae muttered, more than a little envious. "Anyway, next?"
"Hello, Bugrangers!" Cleopatra said to the microphone.
"Hi, Cleopatra!" They called back.
"First of all, I want to say again it's great to see you all once more," Cleopatra said with a smile. "Second, I was wondering if you, Ariel, and Aranea were available after this, because I was kind of hoping to… Catch up."
The three women tried and failed not to look aroused. "That's… Very flattering, Your Majesty, but if you're propositioning us, I'm not sure-" Nushi started diplomatically.
"YES!" Ariel said proudly.
"Ariel!" Nushi hissed.
"Come on lovebug, you know you want to!" Ariel pleaded.
"Yes, but if we say yes to her, then that'll give everyone else the idea that they can ask us out!" Nushi protested.
Ariel looked out at the audience, many of whom looked as if they would very much like to do that. "I fail to see the problem with that."
Nushi facepalmed. "Of course you don't."
Cleopatra laughed. It was a very nice laugh. "But on a more serious matter, I do have a question for Shin."
"Your Majesty, if you're propositioning me, I must remind you… That you'll have to ask my girlfriend first," Shin warned her.
In the audience, Inago contemplated this.
"I wasn't going to ask you out."
"Oh," Shin said, trying not to look disappointed.
Inago frowned, not sure how she felt about that.
"It's about your field of expertise," Cleopatra continued. "Namely, time travel. I'm sure the answer is no, but… Is there a reason you cannot simply travel back in time to prevent the current invasion? Many lives would be saved, including in my own empire."
"You're right, the answer is no," Shin said bluntly, but not unkindly. "Even if it didn't cause a shitload of temporal parafoxes or have the time police coming down on us-"
"And why wouldn't they allow you to change such a thing, anyway?" An annoyed Cleopatra interrupted. "Is keeping history the way they say it is really better than changing the timeline for the better?"
"What? Oh no, you got it wrong, it's not them thinking there's one 'sacred' timeline or whatever we all have to follow, or that all the suffering throughout history is justified because it somehow leads to an ideal future or anything stupid like that," Shin explained. "It's just that time itself has been a bit wonky ever since the events that led to King Tokiwa-"
"May he reign forever," everyone chanted.
"Coming to power, so it's not that they refuse to allow any deviation from set history – they're more than willing to allow changes to the time stream under the right circumstances – it's just that too many changes, or not the right changes, or done the wrong way, could jeopardize the entire time space continuum," Shin clarified. "That's what they're against. They're not fascists or anything."
"Oh."
"Anyway, all that aside, practically speaking, there isn't anything we really could do at this point in time," Shin continued. "The world governments knew about the Swarm from the day Apista came here seeking refuge, and there isn't really anything they could have done to be more prepared than they already were. Yes, the Swarm attacked ahead of schedule, but even if they were forewarned it really wouldn't change much. Yeah, maybe it might've saved time if they were told in advance who would become the next Bugrangers so we would have had more time to train before the first attack… But the people we were back then aren't the same as the people we are now, so we might not have all been worthy of being accepted by the Divine Insects a few years ago. Any information we gave them would be useless after the first fight, because Parasitica would understandably be alarmed that we somehow anticipated her actions and adapt accordingly and maybe hit us even harder the next time.
"And if we offered our own assistance… How would that have worked? How long would we have to stay in the past? And even if we did, how much difference would we ultimately have made? Yes, we're stronger now than when we first started out, but less than half of us have super forms – wait, Aranea, Antares, did any of your predecessors have them?"
The arachnids shrugged.
"Right, very helpful, thanks. And even those of us who do have super forms can't reliably call on them whenever we want, so it wouldn't be that much of an advantage," Shin pointed out. "Not to mention we're still probably not powerful enough to beat Parasitica in our current state, and even if we wanted to we have no way to infiltrate Swarmnest again without dealing with her entire Armada since the method we used last time won't work without a pre-existing temporal homing beacon. I suppose, theoretically, we could travel to the future and ask our older selves how we won, but there's no guarantee we wouldn't wind up in a horrifying post-apocalyptic future instead which would mess us up and cause us to agonize even further about predestination and free will and fighting fate and we already have too much of that crap already, and even if that weren't the case, our future selves probably wouldn't tell us anything useful because that sort of thing never works.
"Really, the only way to prevent the war from ever happening would be to either take out Parasitica before she ever revived the Swarm or keep her from going ballistic when her sister was given the crown and getting herself exiled. And there's no way we can do that because Hive Prime is on the other side of the universe and the train line doesn't run anywhere near that far so we'd never make it."
"So, basically, there's no easy solution to this crisis," Cleopatra summed up.
"There never is," Shin said solemnly. "All we can do is work with the hand we're given, like all heroes do."
There were many nods of agreement at this.
"That's my dad!" Shiin yelled.
"Thanks for the reminder that time travel often causes more problems than it could ever theoretically fix," Bae told Shin as Cleopatra went back to her seat. "Now, I think we have time for one more person…?"
"Yeah, hi," an average looking person wearing a T-shirt with the faces of every red ranger on it. "Ms. Cheng?"
"Yes?" Nushi replied, curious to see what this convention-goer had to say. She didn't know what Ariel and Shin had been going on about before, everyone they'd interacted with so far had been so friendly and engaging!
"Why are you the red ranger? You're a girl. Girls can't be red Rangers," he said as if it were obvious. "So change your color so someone else can be red instead."
Nushi stared at him blankly. "What?"
"And you have too many girls on the team. Sentai are supposed to have one to two girls on a team but you have four, which is too much, so you should get rid of some of them so there can be more guys like there are supposed to be."
Nushi was increasingly bewildered and confused. Was this some kind of a joke? "What?!"
Ariel groaned and put her face in her hands. "I should've known we'd get someone like this eventually…"
Shin nodded grimly. "It was only a matter of time."
"Oh, and stop being gay. It's not right."
"WHAT?!"
"He's right, it's not!"
"Ma'am, hang on, only one person at a time-" Bae protested as a middle-aged Caucasian woman shoved the man in the red shirt out of the way to yell into the mic.
"Shut up, I'm American, I can do whatever I want," she said dismissively, smacking the fly away with her purse. "You're setting a terrible example for the children by flagrantly flaunting such ungodly deviance for the world to see! And by the way, if you're really so smart, why haven't you come up with a cure for the cosmic fungus already instead of forcing us to take new vaccines every few weeks which causes mental retardation in children to make it easier for your godless insect masters to enslave their impressionable minds and tempt them into the arms of Satan?!"
"… NANI?!" Nushi screamed.
Antares stared blankly. "Is that… A real person?"
"Unfortunately, it is," Shin said grimly. "One of the worst examples of the human race, and one of the biggest arguments that our species is an evolutionary dead end deserving of subjugation or extinction…"
"The Karen," Ariel spat with more venom than she'd ever used to describe anyone, even Parasitica or Floragel.
"How dare you! My name is Beverly!" The obnoxious woman shouted, completely missing the point, as was typical for her kind.
The children flinched as a very angry looking middle-aged man wearing a rather worn Heavenly Sage Ariel T-shirt which looked badly stretched out over his sizable frame marched over. "Those brats can't have my action figures! I reserved them and paid in advance!"
The goblin shrugged unsympathetically. "Sorry, but they made me a better offer. And as the proprietor of this here business, I reserve the right to sell to anyone I want if they make me a better offer," he said, pointing to a sign on his stall which essentially spelled out just that. "Also, all sales are final and you aren't getting your money back," he added, pointing to two more signs that said just that.
"But… But that's not fair!" The man whined. "I'm Heavenly Sage Ariel's biggest fan!"
"Yeah, that's objectively untrue," Cutaros said flatly. "I'm pretty sure that between half of us, we more than make up for that role."
"Also, I'm her apprentice," Philia pointed out.
"And I'm her cousin," Fuuka said.
"And I'm the president and founder of the Heavenly Sage Ariel fan club at my school!" Aki said proudly.
"Aren't you also the only member?" Luna pointed out.
"Details," Aki said dismissively.
The man snorted. "Preposterous! I've been a fan of hers since before she hit it big so am objectively a better fan than any of you could ever claim to be!"
"… But I'm a member of her family," Fuuka repeated.
"And again, I'm her apprentice," Philia added.
"And all of us know her personally," Luna pointed out.
"She performed at our birthday party!" Mei said happily.
Completely ignoring their very reasonable logic, the man looked down his nose them and said, "I demand you give those action figures to me. I paid for them first, and can appreciate them way better than a bunch of stupid kids ever could!"
"… A grown man thinks he can appreciate toys more than children?" A confused Galacta asked.
"There are some very sick, delusional people in this world," Neycombe said in disgust.
Veila whimpered from deep beneath the bags and boxes she was buried under.
"Okay, look, you have a point, even if you're being really obnoxious about it," Philia admitted, deciding to try and be diplomatic, since it's what her mother would do, when she wasn't drunk anyway. "I don't really need all three of these, I was hoping to give the other two to my friends, but you can have the other two if you like, I'll just share the last one with everyone."
"Wait, what? I didn't agree to this!" Aki protested.
"Aki, it's better than having no toy at all," Luna pointed out, though she didn't look entirely happy either.
"Absolutely not! I need all of them!" The man said angrily. "One will be kept in its original packaging for posterity, one will be used exclusively for bathtime… I will play with one doll, and one doll… Will play with me…"
The children exclaimed in horror at this. The goblin whistled. "Wow, you're one sick puppy, mister! Not that I really care, just pointing it out."
"If you take one step closer to us, you disgusting pervert, I will devour your soul," Neycombe said angrily. "I'm tempted to do so anyway."
"Neycombe, you can't do that!" Fuuka protested. When the Fangire frowned at her, she clarified. "I mean, yes, of course you are fully capable of doing it, but then we'll be kicked out of the convention for murder."
"And worse, none of us might get the action figures!" Aki agreed.
"Shitsuki knows how to make sure no body will ever be found," the non-binary kitten offered, raising their axe.
"… Sib, you scare me sometimes," Mei commented as Jun yelped and frightened.
"Shitsuki thanks you."
"Surely there's a way we can solve this without violence?" Galacta pleaded.
"Probably, but why bother, violence is so much more fun!" Cutaros exclaimed eagerly.
"Only a true fan of Heavenly Saint Ariel deserves the dolls," the obnoxious fan said smoothly. "I challenge you to a test of wits, to see just how much you really know about Ariel! And when I win, I will have proven myself worthy of being their owner!"
"… Yeah, no, I'm not doing that," Philia said bluntly. "While normally that sounds like fun, you're one of the most disgusting people I've ever met and I want to spend as little time as necessary in your presence. In addition… You realize that Ariel is not only my mentor, but she is on the Buzzing, just like me, right? Which means I'm literally inside her mind at all times. There is nothing you know about her that I don't since I can get it right from the source, so this is nothing more than a waste of both our times. Also, Ariel herself says I shouldn't bother engaging a toxic gatekeeper like you, so my friends and I are just going to take these and go," she said, taking the three boxed action figures from their place on the stall.
"NO! Those are MINE!" The fan screamed, lunging at Philia…
Only to scream and get flung back, convulsing and crackling with electricity, as Philia's drone escort zapped him with an incredibly powerful electroshock.
"Oh yeah, I forgot that was here," Mei commented.
"Thanks, B2! I can always count on you!" Philia cooed, petting the drone on the head, causing it to beep happily and its LED face to turn into a heart.
"Awww, what a heartwarming moment… Now get lost, you kids are scaring away my customers," the goblin said curtly.
"Yeah, not sure we're the ones driving down business…" Cutaros muttered.
"So, Neycombe, you still going to eat that guy, or…?" Mei asked.
Neycombe sniffed and turned up her nose. "Don't be ridiculous, as if I'd ever stoop to eating a soul so spoiled."
Shitsuki raised their axe. "Shitsuki could still-"
"NO!"
"And here's one for you, and one for you," Philia said, graciously giving one doll to Fuuka and another to Luna, who promptly found herself in a tug-of-war with Aki for it. "And you can hold onto mine until we're done here, Veila!" She said, dropping the final doll into one of the many bags their mule was carrying. "Now, with that settled, let's put this ugly incident behind us and continue having fun-"
"ThOsE doLLs…aRE mInE…"
Jun squealed in terror as the man staggered to his feet, an energy ring with the emblem of the Egyptrangers forming around his body as he began to transform into a Hitotsuki.
Philia gulped, realizing they were in big trouble. "Ah, crap…"