Alec ran forward and was encircled by Magnus's embrace. One of Magnus's hands held Alec while the other touched his face. Alec reached up for Magnus. Their lips met and Alec pulled Magnus in closer. All he wanted was Magnus closer. Their shirts melted away and Alec traced the smooth planes of Magnus's chest before he kissed Magnus's lips again. A symphony of sensations ran through Alec, lighting up his every nerve. Their hands roamed over each other greedily as the kiss deepened. The world around them faded as only Magnus mattered at this moment. His warm touch was Alec's whole world.
Alec opened his eyes and the warm feeling of his dream vanished instantly as the image of the ceiling materialized in front of him. Of all the dreams he'd had lately he hated these the most. The sex dreams were great but they didn't leave Alec feeling quite so miserable in the morning. Horny maybe, but not sad. The romantic dreams were the worst.
Alec thought again about that moment when he had realized Magnus believed Aline was his girlfriend. The whole stupid situation was so impossible that Alec had known for a moment that it was only this misunderstanding that kept them apart, but then Magnus had laughed it off. Magnus had taken a step back and tried to backtrack like it was no big deal. The hope in Alec had been crushed and since then everything had gotten worse. The dreams were every night now and Alec missed Magnus when he wasn't there but he also missed Magnus even when he was there. Sure he didn't know what it felt like to kiss the man, but he had a very active imagination that was doing all it could to change that reality. When Alec was with Magnus all Alec wanted to do was touch him. How could this chemistry only be one sided? Could Magnus really not sense it? Sure Magnus had dated and loved a woman but would Alec be able to feel electricity like this if Magnus was only interested in women?
Alec didn't want to get out of bed. He didn't want to face the day. He wanted to sink back into the bliss of his dream where Magnus wanted him. At least Magnus's insistence that Aline join them made more sense now. Alec had intentionally not invited Aline to their most recent study session just to have time alone with Magnus. Not that that had helped at all.
"Arg!" Alec said flipping himself over and burying his face in his pillow.
"What's wrong?"
Alec looked up. Jace was sitting up in bed, with a shirt on no less, looking at Alec with what Alec could only interpret as a look of concern. Alec blinked at him. This was very strange.
"Nothing," Alec said.
"I know that feeling," Jace confessed and Alec found himself unable to look away. The expression on Jace's face was so altered, his curiosity was peaked. "Who's playing hard to get?"
"What do you mean?" Alec asked. Jace hadn't brought a girl back here for weeks. Alec hadn't been awoken by snoring for weeks either but Alec wasn't sure why. He couldn't help but be suspicious.
"There's this girl," Jace said. "I can't get her out of my head."
"Really?" Alec asked shocked. This whole concept seemed alien. Jace hung up on someone really? Had hell frozen over?
"Yeah," Jace said. "Please don't laugh."
"I wasn't going to laugh," Alec said kindly. As stuck in the friend zone as Alec was right now he wasn't about to mock someone else's romantic plight.
"This hasn't happened to me before," Jace said. "It sucks."
"Tell me about it!" Alec agreed. Jace smiled at him and Alec found himself again stunned by the change in Jace. It must be this girl's doing he thought.
"You must really like this girl," Alec said. "You're so different."
"Good different?" Jace asked.
"Yeah," Alec replied.
"So I told you my sad story," Jace said after a moment. "Your turn."
"Friend zone," Alec explained. "And to top it all off I am still not totally sure if he's straight or just mostly straight."
"Tough luck," Jace said not without empathy. "That sucks."
"Yeah," Alec agreed. Alec felt a connection with Jace in their shared misery. It was strange that of all people it was Jace who seemed to understand his current problem best.
"Maybe we can be each other's sponsors," Jace said with a slight laugh. "I have been trying, and I'll admit failing, to stop myself from thinking about her."
"I haven't even tried," Alec whined. "He's all broken up about his ex and he seems better when I'm there so I show up and take the hit."
"At least you talk to him," Jace said. "Clary and I have barely exchanged words but I can see her from where I sit in class."
"Is that why you stopped skipping?" Alec laughed. "I was wondering."
"Yeah," Jace mumbled. This whole conversation was going on while they were still across the dorm from each other since they were both still in bed. Alec decided this was silly and got up.
"I'm hungry," he said. "Let's go raid the cafeteria." Jace laughed but also got out of bed; he was even wearing pajamas. Alec was very impressed with this Clary's magical powers over his roommate. Alec went to brush his teeth while Jace changed and vice versa. Soon they were grabbing jackets and headed to the school.
"Why couldn't the dorms be part of the same building?" Jace noted as they walked.
"No clue," Alec said. "Would be convenient though."
"Winter is going to suck," Jace complained.
"At least we don't live off campus," Alec said thinking of Magnus. "That's a longer walk."
"Yeah but if we did we could drive here," Jace reminded him. "In warm cars."
"True," Alec laughed. "But we'd have to pay for parking."
"Arg!" Jace groaned. "Like this school doesn't make enough money off us as it is." Alec had meant it as a casual comment about the inconvenience of paying for parking, but then he remembered that Jace was here on a scholarship. He decided not to mention what his parents did for a living or how much money they had donated to this school. Jace had, after all just started being less jerkish and Alec didn't want to ruin that.
Alec felt his phone go off in his pocket but decided to wait until they were inside to check it. It was so not worth taking his hands out of his pockets to check his phone in this weather. As they approached the door they sped up, eager to be warm again. Alec made a mental note to buy gloves as the door closed behind them.
"Yep," Jace said. "Time to drag out the winter coat I think." Alec noticed then Jace was only wearing a leather jacket and like himself no gloves. Well weren't they organized? Alec smiled to himself as he checked his phone. The message there, as it usually did, made Alec want to groan and hit his head on the wall while at the same time made him want to jump for joy.
"Magnus wants to hang out," Alec said to Jace as he put his phone away. "And though I know it will suck I still want to see him." Alec sighed. "I'm hopeless."
"Maybe you should say no," Jace said.
"But I don't want to upset him," Alec whined.
"And upsetting yourself is better?" Jace asked.
"Have you told Clary how you feel?" Alec threw at him.
"If I do will you let yourself off the hook with this guy?" Jace replied.
Alec thought about it. His friendship with Magnus was doomed because Alec would always want more. Any potential for romance was doomed because Magnus would never want more. What was the point? Alec had been torturing himself for weeks now spending so much time with someone he liked who clearly didn't like him back. Maybe Jace was right.
"Deal," Alec said sadly.
"Oh crap!" Jace said suddenly frantic. "Now I have to talk to Clary!"
"Yes you do," Alec said with a smile. It was so nice, after all those hours spent with Magnus, to be hanging out with someone Alec never in a million years wanted to have sex with. Okay Aline was also in that category but he had been seeing less of her since he started spending so much time with Magnus. Though that was mostly due to his 'forgetting' to invite her to their study sessions. If Aline ever managed to meet Helen she would totally understand.
"Man I didn't really think this deal through," Jace whined as they entered the cafeteria. Alec's phone went off again and sure enough it was Magnus. Alec hadn't replied yet and as usual Magnus had sent another text. Taking a deep breath Alec started to type.
'Sorry busy,' Alec texted. 'Can't hang out today.' He sent the message then queued up for breakfast with Jace trying very hard not to feel horribly guilty, but failing. When Alec had a plate of french toast in hand and Jace was carrying a tray of pancakes they went to look for a table.
"So it's your turn," Alec sat as they sat down and started eating. "Text Clary."
"I don't have her number," Jace sighed.
"Wow, you really haven't talked much with his girl have you?" Alec said.
"Nope," Jace said. "I just end up staring at her whenever she's nearby and thinking about her when she isn't." He sighed. Alec tried to imagine for a moment how confusing it would be to suddenly have feelings you had never known before. His thoughts drifted to how Jace was back in high school and his inseparable friend back then.
"What does your friend think of this?" Alec asked. "You and Clary I mean. You guys were always together back in high school. What's his name Se-something? Seth maybe?"
"Sebastian," Jace corrected. "He isn't thrilled. He thinks I just need to get over it." Jace rolled his eyes. "Like it's so easy."
"Is that why you stopped bringing women over?" Alec asked.
"I made a new friend," Jace said smiling. "I have been going over to her place."
"I noticed the lack of snoring lately" Alec said. "Am I that unobservant that it's because of you not being home?"
"Maybe sometimes," Jace said. "But I also went to a sleep clinic."
"Why?" Alec asked. This seemed a strange thing for Jace to do.
"I felt bad for keeping you awake," Jace confessed a little sheepishly. "And I actually think I'm sleeping better now."
Alec didn't know what to say. Jace had done this without being asked. It seemed there was more to Jace than Alec thought.
"Well thanks," Alec said. Jace didn't say anything but gave Alec a slight smile then returned his attention to his breakfast. They ate in silence for a while. As Alec finished his last bite of french toast with maple syrup he thought about how strange today was turning out to be. Instead of spending the day with Magnus and getting his hopes up every time Magnus reached across the table that Magnus might hold his hand, Alec was eating breakfast with Jace. Someone who until today Alec had never thought to have a civil conversation with, let alone commiserate with over their shared heartache.
"I told you I was on the wrestling team right?" Jace asked as he too finished eating.
"That's that it was!" Alec said. "Wrestling. I remembered you were here for sports but I forgot which one."
"The season starts up soon," Jace said. "So on top of homework now I shall have endless practice. I hope our coach isn't like the one I had in high school."
"Oh?" Alec inquired. He had never done sports in high school unless you count archery, but that hadn't been at the school, but rather on his parents personal range.
"Yeah," Jace said. "He was rude all the time."
"Is Sebastian here on a sports scholarship too?" Alec asked.
"Nope," Jace said. "I don't think he cares much about school actually. His parents are paying for it and he hasn't even picked a major."
Alec was suddenly comparing himself to Sebastian and he didn't like it one bit, but before Alec could sink too deep into the horrid comparison or indeed say anything Jace's eyes went suddenly wide. His gaze was fixed on a point behind Alec and he spun round just in time to see Magnus and Clary enter the cafeteria. Magnus was staring at Alec with a hurt expression on his face and Alec somehow knew instantly he had made the right call. It was doomed. They were so very doomed. Magnus needed Alec like a nicotine patch while he got over his ex and Alec wanted Magnus like a bucket of strawberries covered in chocolate. Alec turned back around to face Jace, deciding to stick to his guns and focus on Jace rather than Magnus.
"Here is your chance," Alec said. "Talk to her." Jace shook his head.
"No chickening out," Alec said firmly as he grabbed Jace by the arm pulling him to his feet. Jace stood but he didn't look happy about it. With a nudge in the right direction Jace walked slowly toward Clary, but she was looking through Jace to Alec in the exact same way Magnus was. It was as if Magnus had told Clary everything and they were sharing their surprise at Alec's lack of being busy. Alec really needed to get better at lying! Or at least think to hide his bad lies better by faking busy when he was supposed to be unavailable.
Alec tried to focus on Jace but Jace was now too far away for Alec to hear him talking to Clary. Alec had intended to watch them for signs of how their conversation was going, but Magnus appeared before him, blocking his view of Clary and Jace.
"You don't look very busy," Magnus said.
"I'm having breakfast with Jace," Alec replied.
"But you hate Jace."
"I think maybe I have been too hard on him," Alec admitted. "Besides, we found common ground this morning."
"Can we hang out later then?" Magnus asked. "Maybe tonight? I could order food and we could try and console each other on the length of our respective essays."
Oh that was tempting, Alec thought but only for a moment. Then he remembered the pain of sitting near Magnus on his couch while being unable to reach out and take his hand, unable to pull the taller man close to him and kiss those inviting lips. Even now Alec could feel the pull, he could feel himself being drawn closer to Magnus. Taking a deep breath Alec stood up. Texts were not going to cut it.
"I can't be your friend Magnus," Alec said calmly. Magnus stared at him obviously hurt and stunned. Alec should have turned away and left it like that, but he didn't want to. Alec didn't care that they were in a crowded cafeteria. He didn't care that Magnus couldn't want him back, in this moment all Alec wanted was to kiss Magnus breathless while the cafeteria watched enviously. No one had ever invoked such powerful feelings in Alec before and he hated having to push them away.
When Alec did finally have the strength to turn away Magnus grabbed his arm. The physical contact sent shocks through Alec's body reminding him once again why just being Magnus's friend was impossible.
"I need you Alec," Magnus begged. "Since Camille⦠it's been you who has kept me in one piece."
"Don't you think I know that!" Alec yelled pulling his arm out of Magnus's grasp. "Why do you think I've tried as long as I have huh? I can see the light in your eyes go out every time you see her."
"Then why?" Magnus pleaded. "Am I such a horrible friend?" The pain in Magnus's voice almost broke Alec's resolve.
"I can't be your friend," Alec repeated in a whisper but this time he couldn't pull away from Magnus, couldn't turn and leave. Alec leaned in closer, his breathing quickening, he watched Magnus's face. All he saw there was hurt and confusion. How could Magnus not see? How could Magnus not know how badly Alec wanted to kiss him right now. Alec wanted to run his hands through Magnus's dark hair. He wanted to move his hands up under Magnus's shirt and pull Magnus closer. Alec wanted to stand on his tiptoes and kiss the man before him until those confused beautiful green eyes lost all their pain and smiled back at him.
His imagination getting away from him Alec leaned in further still until he could feel Magnus's breath on his face. Alec yearned to move that millimeter more and kiss Magnus, to bring his hands up to hold Magnus, to pull Magnus close against him, but Alec didn't do any of those things. Alec forced himself to lean back. His pulse pounded in his veins and for a moment Alec though he could see understanding on Magnus's face.
With one last glance at Magnus Alec turned and walked away.
Beat read by Holly0114
This is more like it! Daily chapters. ^_^ Man I have missed this... hope it lasts.
So a thought occurred to me at work today and for the first time I wrote notes about what to say in author's notes while at work! I scribble down notes for chapters at work all the time but for author's notes, that's a new one!
Here goes: Fanfic is written like a tv show in that you have some stuff planned ahead but not too far ahead and you get feedback as you upload/air each chapter/episode. Books are published all at once and have a clear beginning middle and end. I think that is why I am doing so many plot lines and POVs in this story. Think of it like a show jumping from scene to scene to let you see what all the different characters are doing.
Okay now that that's out of my system I need your help! This story is now 12 chapters adding up to over 30,000 words... but it still has no title. lol. Anyone got any ideas? I am rather horrible at naming thing. The name of my last story was a fluke promise! I am still surprised how well that title fits. Please leave a suggestion for a title in the reviews and I'll either pick one and credit you or get inspiration from you and credit you for that. Either way you will get credit if I pick your idea! :D :D I bet you guys have some awesome ideas!
Also hehe! I'm mean to Magnus and I guess Alec too. Those two just can't get their shit together it seems. Do you want to yell at me? Please do so in reviews!
Sneak Peek Chapter 13
"I'm going home," Magnus sighed. "Tessa's upset about losing Will. At least at home I can be of some use to her."
With that Magnus walked toward the nearest exit. Clary noticed he didn't even bother to zip up his jacket and she worried he'd catch cold. Clary may not know much about Alec. She may have only met him in passing during one of his many homework met ups with Magnus but she suddenly hated him. Couldn't he see how fragile Magnus was right now? Couldn't Alec just give Magnus time rather than break away like that! Sure it was almost exams and therefore Magnus and Alec had been friends for months but that wasn't long when you thought about the kind of pain Magnus was working through.
